Dealing With The Kangaroo
by mellyb6
Summary: Bella and Jacob are getting married and happy together until thet receive a phone that will change their life for now on. Features insights in their newlyweds' life, road trips, pack life, college memories, jealousy, vampires...
1. Chapter 1

**I **own nothing related to the Twilight universe. Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I just play with the characters to get the ending I wanted when I read the books.

This story was first published on if you want to read more chapters go there because it will be updated over there in priority.

I couldn't do without a Beta because English isn't my mother tongue. That's how I met one of the most wonderful betas: faites-comme-moi. Thanks girl, you rock!

**Big news before the big day.**

I looked up from the sheet of paper I was holding in my hand. The wind had just stopped. That must have been why I wasn't shivering anymore. The morning sun completely filled Charlie's back yard. The day was getting warmer by the minute; I could almost feel it. I could smell the scent of roses and peonies around me. Yet the incredible scent of the massive firs was absent as there was no more breeze to carry it to me. This was regrettable because I cherished that smell more than any other.

The day was going to be lovely. Another lovely sunny day in Forks, Washington. Anyone who had ever been to Forks would find the association of this town and the word "sun" a bit awkward. Actually everybody in town was finding it weird. Since the beginning of August not a single drop of rain had fallen on Forks.

It was the kind of day which was perfect for sun-bathing or swimming, activities that I would have liked to do. Unfortunately, my day was much too busy to allow any recreation. There was the rehearsal dinner to prepare with my mom and my step-mother Sue. I had a final fitting for my dress. There was the ceremony rehearsal in the afternoon. More important than anything else were these wedding vows to write!

I sighed with discouragement and looked back down at the paper full of deletions in my hands. I simply couldn't find the right words to express my feelings for my soon-to-be husband. It had never been hard for me to write essays in high school or college but right now I was getting desperate.

Even more desperate after Jacob told me yesterday that his own vows had been written for a while. I had been so… I didn't even know how to express what I had felt. I simply said that my own vows were also written. I was such a bad liar. I was lucky that he didn't see my face when I told him.

How could I simply write down what I was feeling in my heart? How could words embody my love, my happiness, my longing to eventually become Bella Black? How could I even focus on the vows themselves when I knew that I would have to recite them in front of a whole assembly? I blushed at the thought. Why on earth had we decided to write our own vows? What a stupid decision. Well, at the time it hadn't seemed stupid. On the contrary, it had seemed rather romantic to put to words what we really felt for each other, to let our hearts speak rather than repeating sentences read by a priest. But weeks and months had flown away since we made this decision and here I was, desolate, without anything decent to say tomorrow. What a stupid decision.

I sighed again and rolled flat on the grass. The late dew on the grass made me shiver. I looked at the cloudless sky, trying to see something behind this immense blue.

"Come on," I moaned, extending my arms above me. "You gave us three weeks of sun and heat. Is it so hard for you to give me inspiration? _Please_?"

Okay, I was so desperate that I was talking to God. But if miracles in the weather could happen, anything was possible, right?

I waited a few seconds in silence but nothing happened. I dropped my arms and pressed my fingers to my eyes.

"He's gonna ditch me if I can't write _this stupid thing_! Please! I just need some inspiration. Just to write the beginning. _Please_!"

"Bella, are you okay?"

My mom's voice startled me and I rapidly resumed a sitting position. I grabbed the Jane Austen novel I had said I was going outside to read. I was lying a lot these days but I really wanted to write these vows alone without any interference. This was way too personal.

"Yes, I'm totally fine. This novel is just so… fascinating. I got carried away."

My mom looked at me in disbelief. I could never fool my mother. She was too perceptive. She could read me so easily. She knew that something was disturbing me and I knew at once that I was going to have to tell her how desperate I was becoming. She went to sit next to me and took the book from me.

"Bella, you know this book by heart. What's going on? Tell me."

She brushed my hair away from my face and rested one hand affectionately on my shoulder. I sighed and blushed. I was pretty sure this blush would stay on my face until tomorrow night and I'd need a ton of make-up to hide it. Not a pleasant prospect for someone like me who didn't use a lot of make-up.

"I'm just a bit nervous, I think. There's a lot of pressure with all of the preparations for tomorrow."

"Oh, I understand sweetie, though I find it fun; especially since I brought the California heat with me. I kinda like Forks when it's not raining. Besides, Sue's really a sweet woman. Charlie's lucky."

"Mom, you think it's fun because you're not going to be in the spotlights," I moaned.

"Says the girl who insisted on having a very traditional church wedding with all of her family and friends," Renée said with a smile. "What?" she continued in an innocent tone when I shot her a dark look.

"That's not true. I didn't insist on it."

And that was true. Jacob had thought that sneaking off to Las Vegas wasn't really a good idea despite my best efforts to convince him that being married by Elvis Presley was "hip". I had finally surrendered to his vision of a wedding though I vetoed the beach for practical reasons. I certainly didn't want to spend all day with sand in my shoes. It was out of the question. So all that was left was the church option.

"Okay, okay, you didn't. Anyway, this is what's happening and you just have to deal with it! I know you can do this, it's not so difficult. Trust me; I've done it twice and I've survived both ceremonies."

My mother looked like a coach giving a pep talk to his team before a big game. My mother was funny even when she wasn't trying to be funny. No wonder she liked Jacob so much. He was one of the funniest people I knew and his smile and his laughter were simply infectious. And then her look changed radically.

"Or maybe…"

"Maybe what, mom?"

I knew that look. Whenever my mother got the look she had right now something big was going to happen. Something very funny, or something really unexpected but certainly something big.

"Maybe you're not just worrying about the ceremony itself. Maybe you're worrying about your decision to marry Jac…"

"Mom!" I shouted, looking up abruptly. "How can you _insinuate _that I don't want to marry him anymore? How can you even think about it? Don't you know me at all?"

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you," Renée said sheepishly. She was the one who really sounded offended. "But you seem so nervous; I thought that was what was eating you. Because I know how it feels to realize that you've made the wrong decision after you're already married. Trust me, I've done it twice."

"I shouldn't have shouted at you, I apologize. I'm just a bundle of nerves today. I think I need a drink."

"Bella, though you're 25 I have to tell you that in my motherly opinion, a drink in the morning is not acceptable. Moreover since when do you need alcohol for stress relief?"

That was why I liked my mother. Her mood could change in a millisecond. One second she was offended and the next she was smiling and teasing me, trying to sound motherly. I smiled back and squeezed her hand. She had already forgotten that I shouted at her a minute ago.

"What's that? You're writing something?"

Uh-oh. Back to my current problems. I leaned over and tried to grab the paper my mother had picked up. She was trying to read what was written and I struggled with her a bit, finally managing to take back what was mine.

"What is it? I'm curious; I want to know. I won't tell anybody. Promise."

At this moment the phone rang inside the house and I heard my father's faint voice answering the call. A second later he stuck his head through the living-room window.

"Bella, it's for you."

_Saved by the bell!_ I mentally thanked the person who wanted to talk to me. I put my vows draft in my pocket and ran into the house, leaving my mother sitting on the grass with a disappointed look on her face. I knew she wouldn't let this go without an explanation and I'd have to write these vows quickly if I wanted to avoid her help.

"Hello?" I said grasping the phone Charlie handed me before he left the room.

"Miss Swan? Hello. This is Doctor Mackenzie."

"Yes…?"

I felt my voice tremble as I uttered this single word. Why was my doctor calling me? Why was she calling me today? Today was already busy enough without adding any other troubles. What was wrong with me now?

"I'm sorry I'm calling today. I know you must be very busy putting the finishing touches on things for tomorrow but I thought I should tell you this right away…"

She knew about tomorrow. Of course. In a town this small everybody knew everything about everyone. Then I remembered that I saw her two weeks ago when I got my vaccinations for the honeymoon. And that I saw her just two days ago because she wanted to check if my body was reacting normally to these vaccines. I was under so much stress that I was beginning to forget things. She was also making me nervous right now and I didn't like that.

"What's wrong with me?" I asked, holding the table to prevent me from falling when my legs would not support me anymore. And this was going to happen pretty soon if my doctor didn't spit out her news in the next minute.

"Oh, nothing is wrong with you. Don't panic."

The tone of her voice eased my nerves and my hands stopped shaking. But just for a second. If nothing was wrong then why was she calling?

"You're pregnant, Miss Swan. Congratulations."

I was…what? No. I couldn't be. It couldn't be possible. She was wrong. I didn't hear correctly.

"Sorry. I didn't hear what you said."

"I said that you're pregnant. Normally you should come and see me this week so I can run more tests but…"

"I'll call back later. Bye."

I hung up the phone without letting her finish her sentence. I was so shocked that this was the only response I could find. I was shocked. Shocked. I sat noisily in the closest chair and put my head in my hands.

I was pregnant? How could I have not noticed that? The doctor ran my test just two days ago but I knew that I had to be pregnant for a few weeks before my body could register the change. If I was counting right –but I wasn't even sure it was a calculation I could do properly in my present state of mind…_If_ I was counting right it would make me more than a month pregnant.

I had thought my period was late due to the stress of the wedding and all the things I had to do. But it seemed that I was wrong. My period wasn't late. My period wouldn't return until at least eight months.

I unconsciously folded my arms across my belly. My flat belly. My soon-to-be round belly. I was pregnant. Pregnant. Happiness began to overwhelm me. I had only been aware of this baby's existence for less than five minutes but I already loved it. Loved him or her. I was pregnant!

I had never thought about children before. I had always known that someday I would be a mom but I wasn't planning on doing it so soon. It was supposed to be a serious decision that my husband and I would make when we were ready.

Husband. I had to tell Jacob about the baby. Our baby. I would never be able to hide news this big from him until after the wedding. Jake would see from a mile away that something was bothering me and I wouldn't have a moment's peace until I told him.

I grasped my car keys and headed to the hallway. Opening the front door, I turned back to the inside of the house.

"I'm going to see Jacob. Don't worry, everything's all right. Wedding's still on. Don't panic," I said, adding the last part for my mother who would get crazy if she thought that something was wrong.

I didn't wait for someone to respond and walked towards the car, being careful not to trip on anything. I started the car engine and fifteen minutes later I was parking my car in front of Billy's house.

Although Jacob was 22 years old now he had never stopped living with his father. His sisters were home right now, for the wedding, but they both lived out of town -Rebecca lived in Hawaii and Rachel, uneasy in the tiny Black house or even in La Push, was living in Seattle with Paul. Billy needed caretaking and Jacob had always been there for his father.

Living with his father was easy enough on Jacob since he was spending a great deal of time in Port Angeles where I was working and living. Actually, I wouldn't be living there anymore since Jacob and his friends had built a house for us here in La Push. We were supposed to move in after the wedding.

At the moment I was homeless so I was camping out at Charlie's, in my old bedroom, although it had been completely redecorated by Sue's son, Seth, when he moved in with his mother and Charlie after I left for college.

I got out of my car and immediately headed for Jacob's garage where I could hear music and a lot of men' voices. I had not completely reached the garage when I heard a dog barking. A second later my Labrador burst through the door, sprinting straight towards me. She stopped when she reached my side and I stroked her head affectionately. I missed her.

"Beta! Here!" Embry shouted from inside the garage.

Having a dog might seem unusual when you are engaged to a werewolf but it was not my idea. I couldn't have a dog when I was a kid because my mother was allergic. So, when I graduated from college and got my first job, she decided it was time for me to have a dog. But I had to admit it: the dog's name _was_ my idea. Since Sam was the Alpha in the pack I thought it funny to name my dog Beta, meaning second-in-command. Sam was pretty angry at me at first but now it was history.

The dog couldn't stay with me at Charlie's because my mom was there almost all day long and, at first, she was sneezing all the time. So my dog was sent to stay at Billy's with Jacob.

"Beta! Oh, hey Bella," Embry said, coming out of the garage.

"Hi, Embry. Is Jacob here?" I asked, walking towards him, the dog jumping in circles around me.

"Sure. Jacob, Bella's here."

We entered the garage and everybody fell silent. The only sound left was the music coming from an old stereo. Almost all Jacob's werewolf brothers were here: Quil, Seth, and Paul.

"Bella? I thought you were at the hair dresser this morning. Is something wrong?"

The hair dresser story was my lie to have the whole morning alone to write my vows. I blushed at all the lies I had told these past few days.

I wanted to say that nothing was wrong like the doctor said but I suddenly hesitated. I was happy about the baby; maybe that was my maternal instinct already kicking in. But I couldn't know how Jacob would react to the news. Was he going to share my joy at once or was he going to get mad? Jacob was a man and I didn't know how men usually reacted to pregnancy. Besides, Jacob was younger than me and maybe having a baby was not really something he was expecting to do in the very near future.

"There's something I'd like to talk to you about," I finally said, my eyes on the dirty floor, hands playing with my car keys, my blush increasing.

"Alone?" I added.

Jacob was by my side in an instant. He put one warm hand on my chin and he forced me to look up and meet his apprehensive and gaze. He looked more than a little afraid. I smiled and his face relaxed a little.

"Of course. Everybody. Out."

"Actually, Jake, I'd like it better if we could go for a walk."

"Okay."

I took his huge hand and we went out, heading towards the forest in silence. I didn't know how to break the news; how to mentally prepare him for my big announcement.

"What were you doing with the guys?" I asked to fill the uncomfortable silence between Jacob and me.

"We were just…Oh, crap. Okay, you got me."

He stopped walking and looked down at me. Was that shame that saw in his eyes now?

"I got this stupid writer's block for the vows and I was so clueless I asked them to help me."

"What? But you said you wrote those weeks ago! Did you…did you lie to me?"

I smacked him reprovingly on the shoulder, managing only to hurt my own hand. I shook it to erase the pain and knew that I was being a hypocrite. Here I was getting mad because he hadn't written his vows when I could feel my own draft in my pants' pocket. Jacob looked like he was about to say "sorry" but I cut him short before he could say one single word.

"Forget what I said. Actually, I haven't written my vows either."

"Was that what you wanted to talk about?" he asked, taking my hands in his, his voice trembling. "Do you think we shouldn't get married? Because you think not being able to write our vows is a bad sign?"

"What? Of course not!" I exclaimed, shocked. "I still want to be your wife more than anything! Do you… don't tell me that you're getting cold feet!"

My voice was as shaky as his and I sat on a stump to prevent me from falling. Jacob knelt next to me and hugged me softly, kissing my forehead.

"Of course not! I love you more than you can imagine and I still want to get married. I'm so sorry I scared you, hon. So, if you're not here to tell me how much we suck at writing wedding vows, what did you want to talk about?"

Here we are. I took a deep breath and looked straight into Jacob's eyes.

"Well, I got a call from my doctor this morning and…nothing's wrong with me, don't panic!" I added quickly when I saw worry fill his eyes.

"It's just that sometimes things don't go as planned and…"

I took another deep breath and closed my eyes for a second.

"…I'm pregnant…"

It sounded more like a question than a statement.

I didn't want to open my eyes to see Jacob's reaction. He didn't say anything at first but he dropped my hands and I heard a loud thud next to me. My eyes opened in surprise and I saw that Jacob was sitting on the ground, wide-eyed with shock, his mouth gaping.

I didn't say anything either, letting his mind adjust to the news. After a few minutes of silence Jacob stood up so fast it scared me and I unconsciously folded my arms across my belly in protection.

"Don't be afraid, Bella, I'm okay," Jacob whispered in a calm voice. "How do you feel about it? Are you happy or…"

"About the baby? Well, yes I'm happy. But I'm also shocked and…"

My voice was still trembling, mostly due to the fact that I couldn't read Jacob's face to determine what he was thinking. He was 'okay', right. Did that mean that he was okay with the whole baby thing or that he was just not mad at me?

"I know it's unexpected and that it's a big thing which is happening, but I really think that…"

"What do you think, Bella?" Jacob cut me off in mid-sentence. "Do you think we can handle this?"

Jacob's voice was still calm but I could see that his hands were shaking. With anger?

I nodded in agreement to his question. Yes, I was sure we could handle this baby. I was sure it was not going to be easy but we would be able to work things out.

"Stop giving me that worried look, Bells. Everything's all right. You just took me by surprise, that's all. That wasn't something I was expecting, that's for sure," Jacob chuckled quietly. "You say you believe we can handle it and I _am_ pretty sure that we can. You say that you're happy and I'm happy."

I sighed with relief and went to hug Jacob as tightly as I could, tiptoeing to kiss his cheek.

"But I'm not going to lie to you. I'm also shocked and afraid. Just like you," Jacob added with a small smile.

I smiled back and he kissed the top of my head. Well, it seemed that Jacob was not against the idea of a baby after all. I rested my head against his chest, closing my eyes.

"I love you, Bella," Jacob whispered in my hair. "Everything's gonna be all right."


	2. Chapter 2

The disclaimer from the first chapter still applies. My beta also thanked, too.

**2. Everybody Has a Cousin**

I glanced at the cup of tea in front of me. I was trying very hard to convince my body to keep this down, that it wasn't solid on my empty stomach but it wasn't working. My stomach had decided to forbid any foreign substance from entering it and my throat gagged every time I tried. I was desperately hungry but, at the same time, couldn't swallow anything. Yet I had continued to try. I tried at breakfast, and again at lunch. Jacob even called to ask me to eat because he didn't want me to faint on my way to the altar. But I just couldn't eat. I was too nervous, too panicked to eat.

I had been waiting for this day for more than one year. I had known that I would be the center of attention but, now that this day had finally arrived, I didn't know if I could face it. I sighed and moved slightly on my chair.

"Stop wriggling, Bella," my mother scolded me with a slap on the shoulder. "Otherwise you'll make me mess up your hair and we don't have time for the hairdresser to do it again."

I shrugged, which earned me another slap. I sighed again, looking back at the mirror in front of me. I watched my mother carefully place a yellow flowered clip in my hair. She rearranged the web of pearls tangled in my curls and looked up to check my face in the mirror. She squeezed my shoulder affectionately.

"I'm done!" Renée exclaimed with satisfaction. "All the classes I took to prepare for today were worth the result. My beautiful daughter."

Her voice was trembling with emotion and I knew she was fighting back tears. No doubt she would cry as soon as I'd enter the church. I blushed at her compliment and saw with annoyance that my cheeks were becoming pinker under my make-up.

"I need more powder," I mumbled, digging into the make-up case.

"You need nothing, Bella. You're perfect. Now, stand up and give me a hug before I go."

I smiled timidly and stood up, stepping into Renée's open arms. But, true to form, I tripped on the chair and crashed into her chest, almost falling on the process. My mother laughed quietly and kissed me softly on the cheek.

"You're ready, Renée?"

We both turned around to see Seth waiting in the hallway. He seemed to be holding his breath. My mother had completely showered me with perfume and I was pretty sure the scent was too strong for Seth's heightened sense of smell. Renée nodded, hugged me one more time, then grabbed her purse and left. In one long stride Seth crossed the living room to put something in my hand.

"A message from your lover. Now, I gotta go. Break a leg!"

He winked and disappeared before I could even thank him. I unfolded the sheet of paper and rapidly read the "message" written in Jacob's messy handwriting:

_Bella,_

_You're lucky I'm not with you right now because if I were I would force you to eat!_

_Believe me, everything's gonna be all right. Don't be so nervous. You'll just have to focus on me when you'll walk down the aisle. Not the other people. Just me. Trust me._

_Now, if you're anywhere near a kitchen, go and EAT! Please._

_I love you. I'm waiting for you (I'll be the one looking like an oversized penguin.)_

_Jacob_

I couldn't help but laugh at what this last line. Sure, Jacob wanted this wedding but if he could have avoided the whole tuxedo thing and gotten married shirtless and in jeans he would have done so. I was certain that the idea of sneaking off to Las Vegas was very appealing to him now. I decided to listen to Jacob and carefully made my way to the kitchen, walking as far as possible from the furniture so as not to snag my dress on anything. I grabbed an apple on the table and ate it slowly, thoughtfully. It was the last time that I was standing in this kitchen as a single woman. When I returned here I'd be a married woman. Although the wedding ceremony scared me to death I wasn't afraid of its issue. I wasn't afraid to get married because I was sure of my choice. Jacob was exactly right for me.

And then one day I'd stand in this kitchen as a mother –it seemed this was going to happen sooner than anyone expected. We hadn't mentioned the baby yesterday and we weren't planning on saying anything today. I thought it was too early to announce it though I knew that it would be difficult to hide it from my mother. Fortunately, we were leaving tomorrow and she would have gone home by the time we returned. I finished my apple and realized that panic was now making me more and more hungry. I was about to take another apple when Charlie appeared in the doorway.

"Bella? Oh, here you are. If you're ready we can go."

"Ok…" I choked on the word, the last part of it lost somewhere in my throat. I swallowed and just nodded to show that I was ready. I had the feeling that if I opened my mouth again I would get sick.

Then everything passed in a blur. I vaguely remember leaving the house and getting into the black car Charlie rented for the day. I don't remember talking to my father because I'm sure we didn't. I do remember closing my eyes, trying not to forget what I had to say. The ride might have taken several minutes but for me it passed in the blink of an eye. The next thing I knew the car was parked in front of the church. I swallowed hard as I got out of the car. My heartbeat was accelerating so I took several deep breaths.

"Bella? Don't give yourself a hard time," Charlie said, putting one hand on my shoulder and leading me towards the church. "You're radiant."

"Thanks, Dad. I guess I'm just nervous."

That was an understatement. I was more than nervous; I was terrified. The whole assembly would have their eyes riveted on me in a few minutes and I knew that it'd take all my might not to run down the aisle to Jacob. But I knew that this was hard for my father, too. He didn't like the tuxedo my mother and Sue bought for him. In fact he wouldn't have liked any of the tuxedos in the shop. He also wasn't a person who showed his feelings easily and, since a wedding is one big display of emotions, I knew he was feeling a bit uneasy today.

"You're looking good, too, Dad."

Charlie gave me what was supposed to be a smile but it just looked like a pout. We went to sit in a tiny room filled with so many flowers we could barely see the floor. We remained silent. Charlie kept brushing off the non-existent dust on his jacket while I tried very hard not to bite my manicured nails. The faint hubbub coming from the nave was not helping me at all. I tried to tune it out but without much success. Suddenly Charlie jumped from his seat as if he had remembered something important.

"Oh, I almost forgot! I have something for you," he exclaimed, taking a small box out of his pocket. "Your mother said you were missing something old. These belonged to my grandmother."

I opened the box he handed me, revealing a pair of beautiful gold earrings. I took off the earrings that I was wearing to put these on instead. I went to hug Charlie effusively and, when I pulled away, I realized that his eyes were red and puffy.

"Oh no, Dad! Please, don't cry! Please don't. You're going to make me cry too and it'd mess my make-up and mom'd be mad at you. Please don't."

Indeed, my eyes felt on the verge of filling with tears. I knew that if I began to cry I wouldn't be able to stop the flood of tears that would follow. But I couldn't remember the last time I saw Charlie cry and it just melted my heart to see him so vulnerable.

"I'm sorry. It's just that…you're so beautiful and when I see you in this dress…it's just that…you're not my little girl anymore…but it's okay. I'm okay!"

He rapidly wiped away his tears. In a few seconds all evidence of his tears had disappeared. I rested one hand on his shoulder and tried to smile. Gosh, if even Charlie's nerves were getting the best of him today mine wouldn't last very long either. Someone knocked on the door, telling us that we could begin the ceremony whenever we were ready. When I heard this I got up so quickly that I startled both Charlie and myself. I rearranged my dress, grabbed my bouquet and we left the room.

We stood, our arms carefully linked, side by side behind the closed doors that separated us from the rest of the assembly. _Don't forget to breathe, Bella_. The closed doors that separated me from Jacob. _Breathe, Bella, Breathe. Breathe and don't trip on your dress._

"Dad, if I trip on my dress, please catch me before I fall," I whispered hastily when the music began.

Charlie nodded slightly and the doors opened. I considered looking at my feet while walking to the altar but changed my mind. That would disappoint my mother because nobody would be able to admire my make-up. So I looked up and tried not to make eye contact with any of smiling faces staring at me. I recognized members of my family although I hadn't seen most of them for years. There were my friends from work, from college, from my writing class. I could see people from the reservation, Jacob's friends and the huge figures of Jacob's werewolf brothers, his second family. Their large smirks made me blush. They looked like this wedding was the achievement of their lives.

I lowered my head to stare right in front of me while we began to walk out of rhythm with the music. Then I saw him, there, right in front of me at the end of this aisle that seemed to stretch on forever. Jacob was so tall the priest looked like a dwarf. But he had been wrong about one thing, though. He didn't look like an oversized penguin at all. While he didn't really look like the normal Jacob, I didn't look like myself either. Jacob made the most perfect groom imaginable in his made-to-measure black tuxedo, a white shirt underneath his jacket and a yellow flower pinned to his breast pocket. His hair was carefully combed into a ponytail. Even from as far away as I was I could tell that he was nervous by the way he was stamping the floor. He gaped when we made eye contact, and then a big smile spread across his face. Jacob's smile was infectious; I couldn't help but smile back, forgetting for a moment that everybody was looking at me.

**Jacob's POV**

"You're not gonna chicken out, are you?" Embry teased me while we were waiting for the doors to open.

"Shut up, you idiot," I whispered, smacking the back of his head as the music began to fill the church and everyone quieted down.

Embry resumed his best man position behind me while I awkwardly crossed my hands in front of me, unable to stop myself from shifting my weight from one foot to another. Shannon, Kim and Jared's daughter, walked down the aisle throwing rose petals to the floor. When she reached my side her mother picked her up. I smiled at Kim just as I heard the doors opening and anxiety mixed with excitement overwhelmed me. Anxiety because I knew that Bella might be beyond stressed right now and I was afraid that she wasn't going to be there. That maybe she'd freaked out and left me. Excitement because I'd never seen Bella's dress, I'd never seen Bella in her dress and, after everything I had imagined, I was dying to see her.

Then she appeared, holding Charlie's arm and I could tell by looking at her that she was being very careful not to trip on her dress. My first thought was that she was breathtaking. Simply breathtaking. I knew Bella had let her hair grow for the wedding but she wouldn't tell me why. Now I understood. Her long hair was curled and seemed to have pearls tangled in it from the back of her head to the middle of her back. The lock of Bella's hair that was always falling in her eyes was held back by the same kind of yellow flower that was pinned to my breast pocket.

My gaze went from Bella's face to the floor, her feet invisible under the dress. Bella looked more than amazing in the dress but the dress in itself was beautiful. It was attached behind Bella's neck and I knew by this fact that Bella's bare back was exposed to all. The dress was white; something I knew Bella insisted on –_since we are going traditional we should go traditional in every detail_- were her exact words. The dress was made of lace with sparkling sequins and beading all over the dress and the train. There was a yellow satin ribbon around Bella's waist attached by a glistening brooch. The ends of the ribbon fell to her knees. Bella's dress fitted closely around her curves, flaring when it reached her knees and spread into a little train. As much as I liked the dress I was surprised that Bella had picked one with a train and which completely covered her feet. Judging by her height, however, she wasn't wearing heels; a very judicious decision given that she had a gift for tripping on everything, even when she was wearing sneakers.

Bella met my gaze and I realized that I had been staring for a while. I closed my mouth and smiled widely. Bella was there and all my anxiety vanished. Bella smiled back and kept this smile on her face until she reached my side. I offered her my hand and she took it after hugging Charlie tightly. She gave my hand a hard squeeze but I felt hers tremble. I kissed her cheek when we turned to face the priest and she blushed. The priest began to talk but I wasn't listening. I was contemplating Bella's face and her blush. I wanted to skip the ceremony. I wanted to say "I do" right now and I wanted to kiss Bella like I never had before. I discarded this idea because I knew she'd be mad at me for ruining all these months' effort. So I decided to behave. Abruptly, Bella faced me and I knew I had missed something. _Oh. I had to speak. Right. Er…what was I supposed to say? Speak, Jacob. Everybody's looking at you. Oh, yes._

"Bella, look into my eyes, you will see what you mean to me. Search your heart, search your soul and when you find me there you'll search no more. Look into your heart; you will find there's nothing there to hide. Take me as I am, take my life. I would give it all, I would sacrifice. Don't tell me it's not worth trying for. You can't tell me it's not worth dying for. You know it's true. Everything I do, I do it for you." (1)

Bella smiled when I mouthed a silent "I love you" just for her. She took a deep breath when the priest asked her to speak.

"Jacob, things can come and go I know. But I believe something's burning strong between us and makes it clear to me. I want to grow old with you. I want to die lying in your arms. I want to grow old with you. I want to be looking in your eyes. I want to be there for you sharing everything you do. I want to grow old with you." (2)

**Bella's POV**

"I wish everybody would stop looking at me. It's embarrassing."

Jacob laughed and kissed me softly on the lips. The fact that everybody was looking at us didn't seem to bother him at all. I didn't like dancing but I really didn't like dancing in front of all our guests. Especially since no one else was dancing. We were alone on the dance floor at our reception in the garden behind the church. The wedding ceremony was over and, to my surprise, I hadn't fallen or tripped on anything. I still couldn't believe that Jacob and I were married. I couldn't believe that he was mine, that my life was bound to his. And, by the way he was looking at his wedding ring, I could tell that he had some difficulty realizing that I was finally his wife.

We were twirling together awkwardly, mostly due to my lack of balance. As soon as the pictures were taken I had removed Jacob's hair from his ponytail because I liked it better that way. When I rested my head on his chest it gently brushed my cheek and I shivered.

"You're cold?" Jacob asked with concern.

"No, I'm fine. Besides, I'm never cold with you. But can we stop dancing now?"

Jacob laughed once again and we suddenly stopped moving. _Great_, I thought. _I can go sit down now._ I was wrong, though. Before I could even take a step toward a table Jacob handed me off to Charlie. _Hell, no!_ But hell, yes. I had to dance with Charlie now, a very awkward situation because he was as bad as me at dancing. We didn't talk at all. We just smiled at each other trying to avoid stepping on each other's feet. When the song finally ended and we stopped dancing -I realized that a lot of people had joined us on the dance floor. I had had enough, however, and I sat down on a chair to watch Jacob dancing with little Shannon in his arms. I smiled at this sight and I knew that it was stupid to worry about how Jacob was going to react to the baby. He would do great with his kid. He noticed me looking at him and grinned. I smiled back and waved.

"That's some fucking great champagne!" someone exclaimed while falling into the chair next to me. I turned to see that it was Beth, my cousin from California. I hadn't seen her for ages but we had kept in touch all these years and I really liked her. When I decided as a kid that I didn't want to spend the summer in Forks with Charlie anymore we always went to visit Beth and her parents in California instead. She was also a great friend but her biggest problem was that her favorite word in the whole English language was "fuck" and all its variants.

"How many bottles have you had, Beth?"

"What? None. It's just my third flute glass. Hey, we're gonna drink to your wedding. Again! Take a glass."

"Er…no, thanks. I don't like champagne." _Liar_. Beth made a strange face and seemed about to ask me since when I didn't like champagne. I didn't want to have to answer _that_ question so I sidetracked her.

"Why aren't you dancing? I bet every man here wants to dance with you."

"Yes, maybe. Which one of your _husband_'s friends is single? Because they are all fucking hot! Especially this one."

I turned my head to see who she was pointing at. Too bad for her she was pointing at Quil sitting with Claire on his lap, the young girl eating cake.

"I thought you had a boyfriend," I said, remembering that she asked for single men.

"Oh I have one but he's not here so there's nothing wrong with some fun. No sex, Bella. Your mind's twisted," she added when I made a disapproving face. "So, is this one single?"

"Quil? Er…no, I don't think so." I didn't want to explain that Quil was definitely not single because the only girl that meant anything to him was nine years old. Beth couldn't understand without me explaining the whole imprinting thing and _that_ was something I couldn't do. "But Embry's single."

"Who? Oh, no. I don't like him. I talked to him a moment ago and he scared me. He acted like he already wanted to marry me and was asking weird things about my life. Nope, he's scary."

I slowly turned my head towards Embry and I realized that his eyes were riveted on Beth. He seemed to be struggling with himself like it was hard to stay away from her. He was looking at her the way Quil looked at Claire and…no, this was definitely _not_ happening. Beth had been with the same boyfriend for several years and I knew she was happy with him. She was living in California; way too far for Embry to go over there. Beth was going to leave soon and it would break his heart.

"Mmm…this one's cute. I'm gonna dance with him. See you later, Bella. Oh and, by the way, you're fucking lucky to have Jacob! I really like him!" She hopped off her chair and disappeared in the crowd toward the man she had spotted. Something softly brushing my ear startled me.

"May I kiss the bride? Again?" Jacob whispered, taking my hand to help me stand up.

Turning my head, the next thing I knew I was struggling to keep my balance while crashing into Jacob's chest. My kiss was kind of desperate and Jacob pulled away when he realized it.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

"Embry…and my cousin…"

Jacob sighed and gently brushed my cheek with his thumb before kissing me softly. He took my hand and scanned the crowd before mumbling something about "privacy". He led me away from the guests and we went to sit on a bench hidden behind a thicket.

"Bella, today's about you and me, okay? Just you and me and nothing else. I know you're worried but you'll have plenty of time to worry about your cousin and us later. Okay?"

"Sure, sure," I responded, stealing his favorite line.

Jacob smiled and leant in to kiss me. One of his hands cupped my face, the other moving to rest on the exposed flesh of my back. As much as I liked where this kiss was going I couldn't forget that more than fifty people were probably wondering where the bride and the groom were. I reluctantly tried to push Jacob away but he didn't let go.

"Jake we have guests…"

"And? It's our wedding. We're doing nothing wrong here. I just want to spend some time alone with my wife."

I smiled against his lips when I heard that. Then Jacob pulled me closer to him and I decided that it didn't matter so much that we were abandoning our guests; that they could get along without us for now.

"Just don't tear the dress," I said hastily. One second later and I was being lain on the bench for a preview of the wedding night.

A/N:

(1) Lyrics from _Everything I do I_ by Brian Adams.

(2) Lyrics from _I wanna grow old with you_ by Westlife. I just changed the lyrics to make them more formal.

Here's Bella's dress: .com/FR/robe_de_?NoCat=4 (it's the third one on the first line.)


	3. Chapter 3

The disclaimer from Chapter 1 still applies and do the thanks to my Beta.

The title of the chapter is inspired by a French song called "Sea, sex and sun" from Serge Gainsbourg.

I don't know if you noticed but there's a contest in the website for all the Jacob's lovers around there. Go and check this page if you're interested:

.net/~sortofbeautifulchallenge

**3. Sea, Sex, and Fun**

**Jacob's POV**

I wanted to spend my whole life here, on this island, in this hotel room. Here, alone with Bella, looking at exactly what I was looking at right now. Looking at Bella, loosening up a bit and deciding to do a striptease. Well, it wasn't the first time she had attempted to try to do it but it was definitely the first time she had gotten that far. Usually she would trip on her own clothes, fall and we would end up bursting into laughter.

The fact that Bella was only wearing a summer dress was surely helping her in the process of taking off her clothes. I mentally thanked the Indonesian heat. Bella was dancing on the rhythm of the music, another thing that never happened before. Did she take classes for that? Maybe there were classes where women went to learn how to become a stripper? I didn't know but it didn't seem like something Bella would do. But I didn't care. The sight I was enjoying was too great to be interrupted by my questions.

Bella unzipped her dress and the garment fell to the floor in one soft movement. Her long hair was falling on either side of her face partially hiding her breasts. I began to stand up to push her hair back behind her shoulders. She was faster than me and, before I could even realize it, she pushed me back into the sofa. She straddled my lap, imprisoning my huge hands in her tiny fists.

"Patience…" Bella whispered in my ear, letting go of one of my hands. She unclasped her bra but let it hang loose on her breast, not taking it off. She began to run her fingers across my chest. It made me shiver and I narrowed the space between our faces to kiss her. Bella pushed me back again. I growled slightly and a devilish grin spread across her face. Then water began to pour on my face and I sighed.

"We should move inside, Bells. It's gonna rain."

"Jake, we _are _inside. It can't rain here."

We are inside?

**Bella's POV**

It was too tempting. Jacob was asleep on the balcony of our hotel room lying down on a deckchair. We were supposed to go for a walk on the beach half an hour ago. I had let him sleep a bit longer because he was kind of exhausted. We would need a vacation after this honeymoon to recover from the work out we'd been through. Although the honeymoon was great and I really wanted to wait to come back home to begin to worry about everything, it was just a pain in my stomach and I needed to talk about it with Jacob. A walk on the beach was the perfect place for the conversation we were about to have.

I took the glass of water on the coffee table and considered what I was about to do a few seconds before a little voice in my head screamed to do exactly what I had in mind. I smiled mischievously and emptied the glass over Jacob's head. He just moved slightly at first and then woke up with a start.

"What the fuck!" he exclaimed. Then he caught sight of me looking at him with the most innocent smile I could provide and the empty glass in my hand. "Arf, very funny, Bella. How old are you? What a brat. I was having a good dream!"

"Really? And what was it about?"

The next thing I knew I had landed on his lap, struggling to keep my balance. Jacob wrapped his arms securely around my waist. His lips brushed my ear before leaving kisses on my neck.

"Well…mainly about you…taking off clothes," he whispered, brushing his lips to mine. I blushed strongly about something that I didn't even do. Could blushing be a disease? Because if it was maybe I could ask for medication to prevent it. "If you want I can show you what you were doing in my dream…"

"Er…Later? Because I want to go out right now. You said we were going to take a walk on the beach. If we're lucky we can also watch the sunset. We're going home in two days and we'll certainly never come back. Please?"

I knew I was probably teasing him right now. Jacob surely wanted to stay in the hotel room more than anything though we already had sex so many times I lost count a while ago. We would have all the time to resume his dream when we got home. Jacob sighed but his smile told me that he was okay with waiting. We kissed for a few minutes before I decided that I really, _really_ wanted –no, needed- to go for this walk.

"Let's go, please? Please?" Jacob laughed at my impatience and kissed me on the cheek before releasing me. I smiled triumphantly and grabbed his huge hand to drag him back in the room. The TV was still on and Jacob took just a look at it while I was putting my shoes on. Just a look was sufficient for him to like the TV show and he crashed into the couch, bursting into laughter.

"What's funny?" I asked, standing up and resting my hands on both of his shoulders.

"I was just thinking that…that's gonna be you in a few months. You know, with the baby and everything. You're gonna be like that. Like a kangaroo!" He burst into laughter again.

That was harsh! I smacked his head reproachfully but he didn't feel anything. That was absolutely not funny! He was implying that I was going to put on weight; definitely not something I was looking forward to. I shook my hand to erase the pain of the smack.

"It's not funny, Jake." But he turned around and, when I saw him smiling and laughing cheerfully enjoying his joke, I had to admit that _okay_, it was funny. Besides, coming from Jacob, I knew that he didn't mean it as an insult at all. It was just a stupid joke. "All right, it's funny. But seriously, how old are _you_?"

"Stuck at sixteen, remember?"

That was not funny and definitely not helpful. I glanced at Jacob with a dark look and, understanding his mistake, his smile and laugh vanished in the sudden silence. I threw a pillow at him then headed to the door as fast as I could. I tripped on the carpet in the process but it didn't stop me. I was in the corridor and off to the elevator within seconds. I heard Jacob right behind me, asking me to wait but I didn't. The hotel had direct access to the beach so I kept on walking even though my feet were sinking in the sand.

"Please, Bells. I'm…I'm sorry," Jacob pleaded, grabbing my hand and forcing me to a slower pace. "I shouldn't have said that. I know it's a touchy subject."

I took a deep breath to calm myself. I felt my body relax with every breath I took and turned around to face Jacob and his worried look.

"Let's forget I got mad, okay?" Jacob nodded in agreement but I could see he was still worried that I was angry at him. Actually, I _was_ every time we talked about all the wolf things. About the members of the pack sharing all their thoughts, the non-ageing thing, and the imprinting issue. This was ironic because the imprinting thing was exactly what I wanted to talk about right now.

I looked away from Jacob and scanned our surroundings. It was late afternoon but the heat had been almost the same all day long, exactly as I liked it. The sky was cloudless and its blue was turning towards warmer colors thanks to the sunset. There was just a little breeze and the ocean was almost still, the waves quietly brushing the sand. As we reached the edge of the water I took off my shoes and let the water wet my feet. It was warm the way sea water should be; the complete opposite of the sea water in La Push where it was almost impossible for me to bathe without freezing. I was so lost in the beauty of the place that I didn't realize Jacob wasn't holding my hand anymore until he came back to my side in one long stride.

"Here, for you," he said, his puppy-dog eyes asking for forgiveness. He dropped something in my hand and I looked at the rock he just picked up from the ground. It was only a rock but the water washing over it constantly had shaped it into a heart. I couldn't help but smile and my anger disappeared. I squeezed my rock tightly before slipping it into Jacob's pants' pocket so as not to lose it.

"Thanks, Jake. That's sweet."

"A sweet rock for a sweet girl," Jacob added with a wink. He took my hand back in his and we walked several minutes in silence. Every now and then I would look at Jacob and see that he was glancing at me with a concerned look, still wondering if he was fully forgiven or not. I had to do something to show him that I was sorry and that it was entirely my fault. I was beginning to feel bad too.

"Listen, Jake. I'm sorry I got mad. I know it was just a joke and I overreacted. It's my fault and…"

"It's not your fault, Bella," Jacob cut me off. "I know you don't like the fact that you're ageing and I'm not. But do you really think I like still being, technically, a teenager?"

"You don't like it but you could change it," I retorted with my infallible argument. "You could stop phasing if you wanted to."

Jacob was about to argue with that but I really didn't want to have that argument right now. All I wanted was for him to comfort me about my most important issue and I couldn't get that if we were arguing about something else.

"Anyway, this is not the most important thing," I added as quickly as I could. "I promised I wouldn't bring it up until we were back from here, and I tried, but I just need some clarification."

"About…?" Jacob was confused by my train of thought. First I began a conversation about the ageing issue and didn't give him the opportunity to expose his point of view, and now I was beginning another completely different discussion.

"I'm worried about my cousin."

"You're worried about your cousin? Why? I mean, it's Embry who's the most miserable in this story. He's the one who's going to have to live away from his imprint," he added in a blur when I opened my mouth with shock. Embry had scared my cousin. She was miserable too! Well, maybe not as much as Embry but she was my cousin and I had to stand up for her.

"I know it's hard for them, I mean the guys, to live away from their…imprints but it doesn't mean that Embry had the right to scare Beth. She was just freaked out. He didn't stop looking at her the whole day. Do you realize that Beth spent half the night hiding from him because she thought he was some kind of rapist?"

"Embry acted like a jerk and I'm sorry for that. I'm sure he's sorry too. He was just surprised. He didn't think he _could_ imprint on someone, especially not on your cousin! He has to apologize. I'll talk to him. Is that good enough for you? I'll talk to him and tell him to apologize and that maybe he should explain everything to your cousin."

"Do you really think _that's_ gonna help? Beth's going to get a call from someone she met just once and he's going to tell her that he's a werewolf. That he has some kind of weird connection to her, and that he can't stay away from her?" I muttered urgently, lowering my voice for the couple passing us on the beach. "Oh yes, that is definitely going to help her! She'll just think Embry's crazy."

"Then he'll show her. That is how Kim believed Jared. She thought he was on drugs so he just took her in the woods and he phased. She was freaked out but she believed him. C'mon Bells, they'll figure it out. I'm sure of this," Jacob exclaimed with a cheerful smile. He hugged me tightly but when he pulled away his smile disappeared and concern filled his eyes. "Wait. This isn't just about your cousin, is it?"

Jacob had guessed that something was wrong just by the way I looked at him and the way I hugged him back awkwardly. _Damn_, he was good at reading me. I couldn't keep a secret from Jacob. I couldn't hide my feelings from him because he would immediately guess that something was wrong. This was one of the reasons I loved him and I knew I had made the right choice. Jacob knew me better than anyone else in the world. I nodded at his assumption and clenched onto his arm as if my life depended on it.

"I just thought this imprinting thing was over. It's been years since Paul, and I naively thought it was over. And all of a sudden it's coming back! I…I just don't…know what to expect…now," I stammered, looking at the ocean.

"I…do you…do you think you made a mistake?" Jacob's voice was trembling too. This conversation sounded awfully like one we had years ago, on a day I wished I could forget. "Do you think…we should have stayed away from each other? Living our lives…separately? Because as much as I love you, Bells, I can't blame you for that."

"Please, stop this. I…we…tried living away from each other. We did for one year and a half and you know that it was hard. I wasn't sad but I wasn't happy either and I know that I couldn't do it once again." I could feel the tears filling my eyes. This wasn't where I wanted the conversation to go. "I told you when I came back to you that you were worth the risk and I still think you're worth the risk. It's just that…I can't help it, you know. The insecurity, the fear that each day could be the last one, that you could turn your back on me…"

I couldn't finish my babbling because Jacob's lips crashed to mine and his weight, added to the surprise of his movement, made me lose my balance. I fell in the water, taking him with me. This didn't deter him, though, and he kissed me roughly.

"I can't erase what you're feeling because I know it's legitimate. I wish I could do something about it but I can't. But, whatever happens, I promise you that I will never, _never_, turn my back on you. You got it? Never. I love you. Always have and always will. I love you."

I nodded and kissed him back, for once not caring that we could have an audience. We were lying on a beach, well, more specifically in the water, and we were making quite a show of ourselves. But I needed it. I needed to feel safe; safe in Jacob's arms, safe for as long as I could. However, Jacob pulled away too soon and smiled, wiping my tears away.

"Maybe we should move this to the hotel room, don't you think?" I nodded in agreement and before I knew what was happening Jacob pulled me into his arms, my legs swinging awkwardly. Jacob was about to turn around to go back to the hotel when his eyes lit up and a mischievous smile spread across his face.

"Whatever you're about to do, don't!" I warned him, pointing one finger at him. Just for a second, though, because I almost fell of his arms. I wrapped my arms around Jacob's neck to prevent me from losing my balance one more time. My warning was completely pointless because Jacob kept on walking in the water. When the water brushed my feet he stopped. He kissed me softly on the cheek, extended his arms and in the process, me, above the water.

"Jake, no!" I exclaimed, grabbing at his neck with all my strength. "I'm pregnant!"

"I thought you said the fact that you're pregnant wasn't an excuse to stop having fun."

"I changed my mind! It's an excuse now! Put me down!"

"Okay," Jacob said with a shrug. "You asked for it."

Before I knew it Jacob's arms were not supporting me anymore. He dropped them to his sides and as hard as I was clenching at his neck it didn't prevent me from falling. My grasp loosened and I fell on the water before having time to hold my breath. I resurfaced as fast as I could to spit out the salty water I had swallowed. Jacob was grinning at me, yet a trace of worry was still in his eyes. We really were the kind of people who were living without knowing what tomorrow was going to bring. Because tomorrow, everything could be over. I shook my head to erase this thought. Jacob loved me and he was proving it every day. He proved it just a moment ago before he acted like a total moron.

"You're a jerk!" I exclaimed, smacking him on the arm.

"That's why you love me, right?" Jacob responded with another wink. He gave me his hand and pulled me into his embrace, giving me a soft kiss on the lips. "Here, you saw your sunset. Can we go back to the hotel now?"

"You really are obsessed by sex!"

"I'm a man," he said with a shrug as if it was an excuse.

………..

When I woke up I immediately knew that something was missing. My eyes weren't open yet but something was missing. I shivered and extended my arms to grab the sheets which were supposed to protect me from the coolness of the air conditioner. The coolness. Now I knew what I was missing; I was missing Jacob's warm arms around me. I patted the spot where Jacob was supposed to be lying next to me but there was nothing. I opened my eyes and sat up in the bed, scanning the room. My eyes were assailed by red. There was red all over the bed and the floor. I grasped one handful of the petals and lay back, knocking my head against the headboard.

"Ouch!"

Jacob was apparently lying on the couch, reading something. When he heard my cry of pain he was on his feet in a second and by my side in an instant. He smiled in understanding when he saw me massaging my head. He kissed me on the forehead and left butterfly kisses all over my face and my neck.

"Feeling better, you clumsy little one?"

I nodded in agreement and Jacob rolled on his back. I followed him, carefully wrapped in his arms, resting my head on his chest. I noticed the sheet of paper Jacob was still holding in his hand and recognized it at once.

"Where did you find this?" I asked pointing at my unfinished wedding vows. I felt my cheeks becoming pinker at the thought that he read them.

"I was looking for something in your suitcase and it was in your jacket. Seriously, Bells, what were you thinking when you agreed to choose song lyrics? You've got one good piece of writing here! It's beautiful."

I blushed stronger at the compliment and reached for the paper but Jacob didn't let go of it.

"Can I keep it?" he asked with his puppy-dog look, the one I couldn't refuse anything. I sighed and kissed his chest, signifying my approval. "Thanks. Nobody ever wrote something like that for me. No; I'm actually glad you agreed to the song lyrics! My own vows would have been ridiculous next to yours!"

I smiled and reached up to kiss him on the lips. Jacob's hands went to rest on the small of my back, making my body arch closer to his. My hands went in Jacob's hair and encountered several flower petals in the process. I broke the kiss softly and looked at Jacob.

"The flowers, was that you?" Jacob nodded and leaned forward to resume the kiss but I was curious. "Why?"

"Because you deserve it, you silly girl. Now, stop talking."

"Is that to make up for your stupid behavior yesterday?" I asked, the thought popping in my head.

"I don't think I was more stupid yesterday than any other day but yes. Maybe it's a bit for that. But also because I love you and I wanted to please you. And also because I thought that maybe it could help me escape dish-washing chores back at home," Jacob finished his sentence with a chuckle.

"You _are_ stupid!" I exclaimed, smacking his chest but laughing at the same time. I shook my hand to erase the pain of the smack while Jacob didn't seem to have felt anything.

"I don't understand why you keep on smacking me when you know that you're the only one who's getting hurt."

"It's the thought that counts!"

Jacob laughed, stroking my cheek with his hand. I leaned in his touch and moaned slightly.

"Now shut up and enjoy."

I giggled like a teenager and Jacob threw the sheets over our heads, the roses petals flying all over the place in the process.


	4. Chapter 4

The disclaimer from the precedent chapters still applies as for the thanks to my Beta.

Enjoy.

**4. I'm Pregnant So I'm Sick**

**September, 23rd.**

The music suddenly filled the silent bedroom. Next to me I heard Jacob grumbling at this annoying sound. He didn't move to stop the alarm clock and resumed sleeping. The music was so low it wasn't going to wake him up at all.

The music didn't wake me up either because I was already awake. I had been awake for at least half an hour but I was still on the bed, my left hand in Jacob's right hand, my right hand still on my belly. My eyes were closed but, through my eyelids, I could discern the morning light filing the room. _Time to buy curtains_, I thought.

I opened my eyes slightly then lifted my head a bit. The urge of nausea filled my stomach again and I fell flat on the mattress.

A new song began on the radio. The loud sounds of guitars and drums startled Jacob and he got up in a second, freeing my hand. I folded my knuckles up, glad to have my hand back. The finger wearing my wedding ring was aching. The pressure of Jacob's hand on it had prevented the blood from flowing normally.

Jacob pressed the "reset" button of the alarm clock and yawned noisily.

"This radio is mean!"

I smiled slightly and extended my arm towards the spot where I assumed his back to be. I didn't want to open my eyes because I knew it would make the nausea come back. My hand finally reached Jacob's back and I rubbed it to comfort him. A second later Jacob's lips were on my forehead, kissing it softly.

"Good morning," he whispered in my ear before kissing my lips.

He put one hand on my belly and bent down to kiss the fabric next to his hand.

"Good morning, baby."

I smiled when I heard the way he said the word "baby". So much happiness, so much love, so much expectation in his voice. Not a reaction I had expected. I thought at first that he would be freaked out, just like Jared was when Kim told him she was pregnant with Shannon. It would have been funny if he hadn't broken the door with shock. Jacob had admitted that he was a bit afraid but it didn't seem that he was right now. Maybe when my belly got all round then he would really realize he was going to have a kid. They always say that a woman becomes a mother when she gets pregnant and that a man becomes a father when he sees his baby for the first time. I wasn't really sure that Jacob truly understood all the things that the baby was going to change in his life. I didn't know when this fact would become clear to him and, for now, I was happy with Jacob's happiness.

I lifted my head a little and opened my eyes to look at his face. As soon as I opened my mouth to say "Good morning" the nausea came back. This time it was too strong for me to stop it. I jumped off the bed, startling Jacob. I left the bedroom without saying anything because I knew it was better to keep my mouth shut until I was in a safe place.

I opened the bathroom door as fast as I could and, an instant later, I was throwing up in the toilet. Jacob came to kneel next to me, stroking my hair, trying to comfort me.

"Go eat your breakfast, Jake," I managed to mumble. "You don't need to see me like this."

I threw up again, choking because I had breathed at the same time. Jacob kissed the top of my head tenderly and left for the kitchen.

The first few times I had gotten this morning sickness Jacob had tried to argue with me to stay in the bathroom. He had said he didn't want me to go through this alone. I had won this fight by pointing out that there was absolutely nothing he could do to help me. So now he wasn't arguing anymore and, when I asked him to leave, he left.

The nausea stopped as fast as it arrived and I sat down against the cool tiled wall of the bathroom. I stayed like that a few minutes and then stood up slowly to rinse my mouth out. When I was sure I was not going to throw up again, I went to the bedroom, picked up my clothes and went to have a shower.

When I got out of the bathroom the sweet smell of pancakes was filling the hallway. Well the smell would have been sweet for anyone else; I was sure it was sweet for Jacob. For me, right now, it was just repulsive.

"Feeling better?" he asked when I entered the kitchen.

Jacob was sitting at the small kitchen table, the same table that used to be in his father's house. Billy gave it to us when we moved in our house saying that it meant a lot to him to have a piece of his home in ours.

"Just like every other morning," I answered in a small voice.

I went to sit on his lap and he gave me a quick kiss. His lips smelled and tasted like pancakes mixed with something else that I couldn't quite recognize. I turned my head in the other direction, feeling nausea on the verge of coming back.

My eyes fell on a piece of paper half-hidden under Jacob's plate. The paper looked like a home-made calendar. The first day marked on it was the day before our wedding. The day we learned that I was pregnant. Some squares were completely blank while others were filled with small black crosses. One cross for each time I threw up. This calendar was Jacob's idea. He said it was to keep track. Under today's date there was a small cross.

"This calendar's absolutely not funny," I complained, standing up to be as far as possible from the smell of pancakes.

"It's not supposed to be funny, hon. Actually, it can be pretty useful. Look. Last Monday you got sick three times before going to work. Yesterday you got sick only two times. That's an improvement!" Jacob exclaimed with a smile.

I smiled back and put the paper back in its place on the fridge. I sat at the opposite side of the table and began playing with a glass. All the food in front of me was repulsive to me plus I couldn't look at Jacob because he was swallowing food. The sole thought of swallowing food turned my stomach upside down. A second later I was bending over the kitchen sink, throwing up again.

"Maybe if you'd eat something…"

"Don't talk about eating, please. It only makes things worse," I said in a hurry before throwing up again.

"Sorry."

When I was sure the nausea was gone I rinsed my mouth out. Damn morning sickness! I hated it. It was painful and it was disgusting. I was disgusting when I made such a mess. I was the one who was experiencing the nausea so I had no choice. But if it had been someone else I didn't know if I could have supported it very long. Jacob was always there, though, supporting me, helping me.

When he was sure that I was done he stood up and folded his arms across my belly, pulling my back against his chest, bending his head on my shoulder.

"Our little kangaroo is giving you a hard time, isn't it?"

I nodded and rested my hands over his hands, over my belly. Jacob never stopped calling the baby a kangaroo after his stupid joke back in Indonesia about me becoming one. He thought it was a cute nickname. I knew better than to waste my time asking him to stop calling it a kangaroo, to just call it a baby, because Jacob would never listen to me. He was too proud to have made the analogy between me and the animal.

"I hate being pregnant," I added, closing my eyes.

"No, you don't, Bella," Jacob whispered in my neck. "You'll stop hurling someday. We just have to be patient."

"Thank you, Jake. For being there," I whispered back. "I know that the sight of me throwing up is not the most amazing thing to look at."

"That's okay. Don't worry about me."

I could feel his hot breath in my neck every time he spoke. I wanted to look at him, to say how glad I was that he was here, and to say I loved him. I also wanted to kiss him. But the only thing I could smell when he was speaking was pancakes and I really had to get away from it.

"Mmm…Jake? It's not that _you_ smell bad but I really can't stand this pancake smell any longer."

He chuckled, kissed my neck and released me. As I couldn't kiss him on the lips I kissed his hands. Before leaving the house I went to the bathroom again and checked my face in the mirror. I looked awful but not worse than any other morning. I brushed my teeth and hair quickly.

I considered myself acceptable and went to grab my bag and jacket in the living-room, almost tripping on the dog still asleep on the carpet. I headed towards the front door but Jacob was blocking the way.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked, his arms folded across his chest.

"I'm going to the high school," I said, confused. "It's Tuesday. I have my first class at 8 o'clock."

"Yes, I know that. But you're not leaving this house without breakfast. I know that you can't eat now," he added when I opened my mouth to protest. "You'll eat it later in the morning but you _will _eat it. You promise?"

He handed me a bag carefully stapled closed. I grabbed it and held it as far as possible from my nose. I promised Jacob that I would eat the food in the morning because, nausea or no nausea, I was getting pretty hungry.

Jacob hugged me quickly, said "Goodbye, I love you" and closed the door when I was out. I took a few steps towards my car when I remembered something and turned around. I opened the front door to see a shirtless Jacob staring at me in the bathroom doorway. _Focus, Bella. You have to go to work._

"Did you forget something?"

"Kind of. If you make the same mess in the bathroom as you did yesterday, please make sure that you clean and dry the floor."

Jacob mumbled angrily at my request which sounded more like an order. I was Jacob's wife. Not his maid. When I came home yesterday I almost fell on the bathroom floor which was completely soaked. I spent more than half an hour drying it and it pissed me off a bit. Besides, it wasn't as if he didn't have time to dry it by himself. He started his day at 9a.m. so he had plenty of time to clean. Jacob agreed to my request under his breath and I stepped outside once again, satisfied.

I deeply inhaled the fresh air which smelled like the outdoors, like Jacob. By the time I started the car engine the nausea had almost disappeared and I was feeling better. The fresh air of the Olympic Peninsula was my remedy for the morning sickness. How odd.

I parked my car at my usual spot in the teachers' parking lot of Forks High School. A car I didn't recognize parked next to mine. I headed towards the personnel entrance when someone behind me asked me to wait. I turned my head to see a man walking hastily.

"Hello," he said when he reached my side and we resumed walking. "You must be the new English teacher. Isabella Black, right?"

"Bella," I corrected immediately.

"Nice to meet you, Bella. I'm Kevin Johnson. We didn't meet yet; I was in Los Angeles."

"Oh, yes," I exclaimed, shaking his hand. "The History teacher, right? Nice to meet you."

Kevin was the only teacher that I didn't know yet. And he was also one of the only ones who wasn't _my_ teacher when I was a student in this high school. How could I have thought, back in my teenage years, that one day I would teach here? In this small town that I had tried to avoid all my life? In this high school full of bad memories?

But Jacob had to stay in La Push for his father and to fulfill his duties to the pack. Staying in Forks for Jacob did not bother me at all. Jacob was the one who had made me breathe and enjoy life again; I would have followed him anywhere. I would just have liked it better if it was somewhere warmer than Forks.

So, when the principal of Forks High School asked me if I wanted this English teacher job, I did not hesitate very long. It would mean less driving, and more money for everything else, especially with the baby coming. Plus I needed to leave the past behind me. Coming back to this high school was the best way to erase the memories and to make new ones.

"I hope the faculty wasn't too mean to you," Kevin joked while holding the door of the teachers' lounge open for me.

"Oh no. You know I used to be a student here so they already know me. And I don't think I was a bad student. Good morning, Mr. Banner," I added for my former Biology teacher, reading the newspaper on the couch.

"Good morning, Bella. By the way, I already told you to call me Andrew."

I blushed slightly and went to sit at an empty table to finally eat my breakfast. My stomach was now craving food. Kevin went to sit next to Mr. Banner –_Andrew, ugh_! I saw them whispering while eyeing me. I looked down to concentrate on my food. I didn't like being the center of attention. To be the new, young, female teacher in the high school of such a small town was focusing all the spotlight on me.

I heard my cell phone ring in my bag and almost fell off my seat when I realized Jacob had again programmed it with the "Who's afraid of the big bad wolf" ring tone. Maybe one day he would grow up. Maybe. But, while waiting for this day to come, I really should keep my cell phone away from him. Everybody looked in my direction and I blushed strongly while reading the text message from Jacob. I didn't like writing text messages because I thought it was kind of destroying the English language but Jacob didn't agree with this. So I had to concentrate very hard to decode what he wrote. Sometimes I felt like an old person trying to read a text from a grandchild.

_Mbry ovr 4 Dner 2NTE. OK 2 U?_

Embry was coming for dinner? Again? It seemed that he was spending all his evenings at our house, asking questions about my cousin. What's her favorite color? What kind of music does she like? What kind of flowers does she like? How old is she? What is she studying? Oh, she's not studying anymore? What's her job, then? Do you think she could like me? Do you think she could think I'm good-looking? What's her middle name? Where was she born? Does she have sisters or brothers? His million questions were getting on my nerves because they were preventing me from having time alone with Jacob. Embry ate with us yesterday, the day before yesterday and three days ago we had lunch with him. I decided to act selfish and texted Jacob back to say that _no_, it wasn't okay with me.

I stayed five more minutes in the teachers' lounge, eating my breakfast slowly, hoping after each mouthful that my stomach would not react badly. Then I left the room, too uncomfortable with Kevin and Mr. Banner –_no he would definitely never be Andrew to me!_, whispering about me as if I wasn't there.

There was still time before the beginning of the first class but I went to sit at my desk anyway. The class which used to be my English class back when Mr. Manson was my teacher. The bell rang when I was just finishing eating the last granola bar Jacob gave me for breakfast. My cell phone buzzed again and I looked at it quickly to see I had another text from Jacob.

_^5! Thnx Same 4 me. ILY._

I absolutely didn't know what the first abbreviation meant but I had the feeling it was like some sign of relief or something. I put the cell phone back in my bag and watched the students as they began to fill the room, chatting and scraping chairs noisily not even bothering that I was there. Freshmen. Was I like them during my first year in high school? I doubted it. At least I hoped I wasn't.

"Good morning," I said, raising my voice to cover the hubbub.

The chatting faded and after a minute everybody was ready to listen to me. I took a bundle of papers from my bag, giving one to each of the students.

"So, you should have finished reading the novel by now. This is a quiz to see how much you know about Frankenstein. Don't worry you won't get a grade for it," I added, seeing the students eyeing each other with panic. "You have ten minutes to answer the questions and then we'll correct it together."

I sat back at my desk and waited for them to complete the quiz. When they were done I asked them to exchange their paper with a classmate.

"You correct the paper you are given. If an answer is wrong, or if a part of an answer is missing, you correct it. Come in," I said, answering a knock on the door.

"I'm sorry Ms. Black. My father's car broke down on the way to school."

"That's okay, Julian," I said to my late student, giving him a quiz. "Sit down. We are working on this quiz about Frankenstein."

He sat right in front of me and opened his bag to take out his notebook. I was about to ask if someone could answer the first question when a strong smell hit my nose. A repulsive smell. I grabbed the desk to remain standing.

"What's in your bag?" I asked Julian.

"Err…some blueberry muffins, I think. Why? Is that a problem?"

Blueberry muffins. Jacob was eating his pancakes with blueberry jam at breakfast. It was not the smell of the pancakes which had been repulsive. It was the fact that he was eating blueberries with them.

I tried to breathe with my mouth. I couldn't stay like that, though, because I had to speak; I had to do my class. Why couldn't I stand the smell of the blueberries? I liked blueberries! Or at least I used to. _Please, please,_ I thought. _Do not throw up in front of your students. Please._

"Are you okay, Ma'am?" Julian asked, standing up.

Oh Gosh. Julian smelled like the blueberries too. I had to get out of this room.

"Stay where you are!" I exclaimed, putting one hand on my mouth. "I…Stay here! I'll be back in a minute!"

I ran out of the room and hurried towards the bathroom. I couldn't even make it to the toilets and I threw up in the washbasin.

Now I was even sick at school. Great.

And I threw up.

Again.


	5. Chapter 5

I'm a lazy person so the disclaimer and the thanks to my Beta from the previous chapters still apply to this one. Enjoy.

**5. Calls and Troubles**

_October, 3rd_

One of the many issues involved in living with a werewolf is the food. As much as I was trying to have a food reserve at home it seemed that every time I opened the fridge or a cupboard it was empty. My first experiment had been to buy a lot of food at one time, thinking that it would last for the whole week. But I was wrong because Jacob might have a bottomless pit instead of a stomach. I tried this technique for two weeks before giving it up. Indeed, the large amount of food hadn't lasted for more than three days before I had to go back to the supermarket. So I changed my tactic. Now I was buying the exact food that I'd need for a couple of days and Jacob was learning to restrain his hunger. Although this meant that I was spending most of my afternoons at the supermarket.

This was where I was now, pulling my cart along the sets of shelves, wondering what I could cook for dinner tonight. Living with his father had given Jacob very bad eating habits. His usual meals were sandwiches and pizzas and he didn't see anything with it. I managed to change Charlie's eating habits when I was a teenager so I was positive I would succeed with Jacob too. I turned a corner and slightly slid on the floor. I grasped a shelf to steady myself and looked around to see if anyone witnessed my clumsiness. Fortunately, nobody seemed to have noticed it and I resumed my walk. I didn't take four steps when someone called my name behind me.

"Bella? Bella Swan?"

I turned around to see a tall woman literally striding towards me with her cart. I frowned, trying to recognize her. It finally hit me when she reached my side. It'd been almost ten years but she hadn't changed a bit except for the fact that she wasn't wearing glasses anymore.

"Angela?"

"Oh my God, it's been so long!" she exclaimed with a smile, apparently relieved that I had recognized her. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, thanks," I replied and I felt like an idiot. I was facing someone I hadn't seen in years and all I could say was 'I'm fine, thanks'? How original. "What are you doing here? I didn't know you were still living in Forks."

"I just moved here a couple of days ago. I'm still unpacking." Her smile was so wide it wasn't difficult to see that she was happy to see me. I had to admit that, past the shock of a friend from the past reappearing, I was glad to see her, too. If I had had to choose only one person back in high school that I wanted to stay in touch with, it would have been Angela.

"You just arrived? You _so_ have to come over for dinner one day!" I really meant that, too. Over the past month our only usual guest for dinner was Embry and eating with Angela would be more fun than listening to Embry's pathetic rambling about my cousin. He had tried to call her to apologize, which was a good move, but the first time he'd done it Beth just hung up when she heard who was calling. So far she was screening his calls and Embry was desperate. I couldn't say I blamed Beth for her behavior because I thought I would have reacted exactly like her. Embry acted like an idiot and now he just had to deal with the consequence of his acts.

"I'd love it, thank you. But I can't believe that you, Bella Swan, of all people would have stayed in Forks. I thought you would go back to a sunny state right after graduation."

I chuckled awkwardly because it was exactly what I'd intended to do after high school. I never thought I would stay in Washington for college or that I'd end up living in this state. But life is unpredictable and never warns you that you're going to fall for a werewolf who can't move away from his tribe.

"Well, I'm not living in Forks but in La Push which makes almost no difference on the weather account. And it's Bella Black now," I added, blushing but nevertheless proudly showing her my left hand.

"You're married? That's great! Now I definitely have to come for dinner or something. I want to know everything!" Angela exclaimed, bouncing up and down. She was so different from the Angela I used to know. She didn't seem to be the shy girl she used to be. _People change_, I thought. But it was such a good surprise to see her again and to have the opportunity to catch up with Angela that I couldn't blame her for nearly inviting herself over.

"What about tomorrow night? Oh, but it's Saturday night. Maybe you have other plans?"

"No, tomorrow night will be great, thanks. Oh, we have so many things to tell each other! Do you want me to bring something? Wine? Or dessert?"

I agreed on her bringing dessert and we exchanged our phone numbers. I attempted to draw her a map of how to get to our house but my drawing skills were so bad I soon gave up and wrote down the directions. We talked for a few more minutes, doing our shopping together. Angela often pointed out that nothing had changed in Forks. She obviously seemed to have traveled a lot. I would have liked to have stayed with her longer but it was getting late and I had to go back home.

As I was driving back to La Push I began to think about my high school years again. It was something that happened a lot nowadays since I worked in the same high school I used to go to as a student. Yet, talking to Angela was different. I had lost touch of all the friends I had when I was a teenager, not that I had had a lot of them anyway. They all went out of state for college, to California essentially. Now because I wasn't a teenager anymore and that the stupid rivalries were supposed to be over, I would like to see them all again. People change so maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to catch up together.

When I arrived at home I did something I hadn't done in years. As soon as all the food was in the fridge and the cupboards I went back to the garage. I opened the box which contained all my old stuff. It was full of useless things which should have gone to the trash a long time ago but I just didn't want to throw them away. They were a part of my past, a part of my life, and a part of me. It seemed just a too big step to get rid of them. I dug through all these things until I found what I was looking for: my senior yearbook. I blew on it and the dust on the cover made me cough. The cover was yellow with the Spartan's mascot in the middle but the color was fading a bit. I took the book with me into the kitchen.

I hastily put the chicken in the oven and the potatoes to simmer in a skillet before sitting down at the table with crackers. I began to look at the yearbook, at the different pictures showing all the school events that happened during my senior year. Only to realize that I wasn't in a lot of them. Oh that's true. Senior year in high school; worst year of my life. At least the five first months. Because after those months Jacob entered my life and made me realize that life wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I sighed heavily when I realized that one of the only pictures of me in the yearbook was my senior picture which accompanied my information and my goals for the future. _Live without regret or remorse. Leave a mark in this world. Write and publish a book. _

So far the first goal had been achieved. I didn't regret or resent anything I did in my life. I hoped that I was a good teacher and that the students would remember what they were learning with me. But my third goal…I had completely forgotten that I had written that. Maybe I could try now. Maybe that was unconsciously why I had signed up for the writing class I was going to once a month. Yet, could I find the courage to show my work to professionals? I doubted it. _Hey Bella! Live without regret, remember? _Yes, I could find time to write a book. The idea was more and more appealing.

I closed the yearbook with another sigh. I would have liked to have seen more pictures of me inside it. It seemed that I didn't belong to this class. That I was just a ghost. Unfortunately, looking back on my senior year now, I knew that I _had_ been like a ghost. Now I kind of regretted it. High school's not always a positive experience but it's something that everybody wants to live. And senior year is the most important year. If I could go back in the past and change the way I had behaved when I was 18, I would. I would because now I know that I would have wanted to enjoy all those last months of innocence, those last months before really being an adult, instead of acting like a zombie and keeping everyone away from me. I would have wanted not to spend my time thinking of him, thinking that I wasn't good enough for him because he wasn't worth it and most of all because he was the most toxic person I'd ever met in this world.

Another sigh escaped from me once again and I stood up to concentrate on my cooking. I lifted the lid off the skillet, which sent some potatoes to the floor. The dog rushed to them immediately and I pushed her away reprovingly.

"You're a bad girl. That wasn't for you." As I said that Beta barked loudly. I was about to send her to her basket when she barked once again, heading towards the front door and I smiled. In a matter of seconds the front door slammed open and Jacob was inside, shouting just louder than necessary: "I'm home!"

"I know!" I shouted back, turning around from the stove, a big smile on my face. In a few strides Jacob was leaning down to kiss me. It was amazing but, at the same time, a bit scary how much I could miss him during the day. We'd never lived together before getting married and we often spent days without seeing each other but now I didn't know if I could face it. We only had been married for less than two months but now that I went to bed with Jacob every night and woke up every morning next to him, sometimes even on top of him, I didn't want to be away from him. Never.

"It smells good, Bells," Jacob whispered in my hair. He wrapped his arms around my waist and made me spin around. I didn't know what this was for but I had the feeling I was going to be sick. I opened my mouth to ask Jacob to put me down when he did it by himself. I didn't let go of his neck because I knew that I would fall if I did.

"Look who's getting nostalgic!" Jacob said, letting go of my waist and grabbing my yearbook. He sat down on the nearest chair and began to leaf through the pages. I sat on his lap, something which used to turn him on. I didn't want him to get used to it; I wanted this action to always have the same effect on him. However, it was true that it could be embarrassing when we were in a public place and I had to sit on his lap. On a few occasions I had to admit that I had been grateful Jacob learned to restrain his ardor.

"Yeah I met Angela at the supermarket. Do you remember her? Tall, with glasses, shy? Here, look." I took the yearbook from his hands to find Angela's picture. Jacob frowned in an attempt at recognition but he didn't seem to remember her. "Well it doesn't matter because she isn't shy or wearing glasses anymore. I invited her for dinner tomorrow night. You're okay with it?"

"Why not? It can't be worse than having dinner with Embry!"

"I absolutely agree with you!"

I kissed him on the cheek and got up to go back to my cooking. Jacob kept on leafing through the yearbook. Although we were quiet and the only sounds in the room were the ones of the gas and the kitchen utensils, I didn't hear Jacob coming closer to me. The touch of his hand on my waist startled me and I jumped slightly.

"There're not a lot of pictures of you in this book," Jacob stated, a mix of reprimand and of regret in his voice. I rested my head against his chest and sighed.

"I was thinking exactly the same. I kind of regret it too, you know? It feels like I never had the opportunity to be a real teenager."

"Don't get mad at what I'm going to say, okay?" Jacob asked after a moment of silence. He extended his hand towards the oven and turned it off along with the potatoes. "I'm still…16." I stiffened at this comment but didn't say anything. "So…I'm still a teenager…" Both of Jacob's hands grasped my hips and he turned me around so I was facing him. He had a mischievous smile on his face and I knew where this was going. "D'you wanna be 16 with me tonight?"

I smiled back and tiptoed at the same time he leaned down towards me. We kissed chastely at first; it was like a very first kiss. Jacob's hands glided towards my thighs then he pulled me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist. The room spun around me until I was pinned against a kitchen wall.

"We gotta be quick. My dad said he'll be home by 7," Jacob whispered in my ear before assaulting my neck. My hands clenched around his neck, grasping some of his hair. Oh, he wanted to play? I could play too!

"Given that you're 16 I don't expect it to last very long."

A growl escaped Jacob's throat as he ground his hips into mine. My hands slid to his back, resting on the waistband of his jeans. I pulled on the hem of his shirt, slightly at first, but then more vigorously when I realized he wasn't paying any attention to my actions. Or, at least, he was pretending not to pay attention. This idiot was really acting like a teenager, focusing only on his own needs and wants! I grabbed his shirt and was about to lift it up when the phone rang in the hallway. Jacob recaptured my mouth after saying to let the phone ring. I heard my own voice filling the hallway as I freed Jacob from his shirt.

"Hello, you reached Jacob and Bella. We're not here for the moment but leave a message and we'll call you back. Have a good day," followed by a loud _bip_.

"Hey Bella, it's Maggie. I'm back from Houston so I thought we could go out one of these days. Call me. Bye."

Yeah, I'll call you later. Leave me with my man now. Jacob had unbuttoned my blouse which hung loose on my shoulders while he was leaving hot trails around my breasts with his tongue. I moaned louder than I expected to. The phone rang once again and Jacob and I growled at the same time, which made us laugh.

"Can't they leave us alone?" Jacob protested before focusing on my bra again. I laughed but a second later I froze into place when I heard the voice on the answering machine. Jacob froze almost at the same time as I did.

"Fuck, you're not there. Jacob if you're there please, answer the phone. It's important." Beth's voice was shaking but I couldn't decide if it was with fear or anger. "Bella? Please. It's important. Fuck! Okay, listen. What's your friend's last name? I wanna call the police…"

Beth didn't finish her sentence because Jacob had pulled away from me, making sure I didn't fall, and he had grabbed the phone while cutting off the answering machine.

"Beth? It's Jacob. What's wrong with Embry?" Jacob asked, putting the speakerphone on so I could hear the conversation.

"Jacob? Oh, thank God. Listen, your fucking friend is here and he's scaring me to death. I swear I'm gonna call the police."

Jacob swore loudly before tossing me the phone. He walked away and I heard him dialing a phone number on his cell phone. A few second later he was shouting at Embry. The teenager he was pretending to be wasn't here anymore.

"Beth? It's Bella," I said, realizing Beth was still on the line. "You have to calm down. Where's Tom?"

"Bella? Oh, Tom's in San Antonio. There's a game this weekend. Your friend's fucking crazy, Bella! What's his last name?"

"Call, Embry Call. But don't call the police, Beth, please. I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding." I almost had to shout to cover Jacob's own shouting. I couldn't understand what was going on with Embry, why he couldn't act normally. "Jacob wants to talk to you. Relax, Beth, it's gonna be okay."

"Beth?..Yeah…no, no don't go. Listen. Listen to me. Calm down…no, listen, please. I'm coming…Yes I'm coming and we'll sort this out. Okay?...Right. Don't call the police, please. Bye."

Jacob hung up the phone and disappeared into the bedroom, swearing and shouting. Embry may be his best friend but right now it seemed that Jacob couldn't support his actions. Just like I couldn't. I had tried to stay calm on the phone for Beth's sake but what I really wanted to do was to shout at Embry.

"What a damn jerk! What's he thinking?" Jacob reappeared with a bag in his hand and my brain finally understood what he said to my cousin.

"Jake, where are you going?"

"I'm gonna show this idiot how to behave. I'm going to California."


	6. Chapter 6

This one is for my friend Antonella because we love Erasmus students and life in Galway. Even Team Edward people can like my story, trust me.

The disclaimer from the previous chapters still applies. Actually, let's just say it will apply for every next chapter, okay?

My Beta is the best in the world, yes that's true. Check her out. So now, actually you can't because I forgot to add her to my favorites authors and doesn't want to find her penname so as soon as she gives me the link to her profile I'll give it to you, too.

**6. Let's Hit the Road.**

"_I'm gonna show this idiot how to behave. I'm going to California."_

I began to mentally calculate how much time I'd need to pack my own bag. We wouldn't need a lot of clothes. I'd surely need just a sweater and a pair of pants. How much gas did I have in the car? Enough to almost reach Oregon but certainly not enough to make it to California. I should take some food. The chicken in the oven was almost cooked; we could take some. There was enough peanut butter and jelly to make a dozen sandwiches. How much time would we need to go to Napa? I never drove over there, I always took the plane. We'd sleep in the car if we needed to. Oh, I had to call Angela to cancel. I'd say I had a family emergency because, actually, it _was_ a family emergency.

"Just give me a minute. I'll call Angela to cancel for tomorrow." I turned around to take my cell phone from my bag but Jacob's strong arm stopped me.

"You're not cancelling anything coz' you're not going anywhere, Bella." Jacob's eyes were dark with anger and it frightened me a bit though I knew this anger wasn't directed at me. What did he mean, I wasn't going anywhere? Did he seriously think I would stay behind? That I would even agree to be left behind?

"Excuse me? You got to be kidding, Jake. I'm coming with you."

"I said you're not. I'm going alone," Jacob said on a very serious and authoritative voice. Stupid Jacob sometimes got on my nerves but I didn't like Serious Jacob at all. Serious Jacob wasn't _my_ Jacob.

"Jake, Beth's my cousin and whatever you're going to do I need to be there for her. I'm coming with you," I stated, crossing my arms. I could be very stubborn when I wanted it. I wasn't going to lose this argument.

"Bella, listen. How do you think I'm going?"

"We'll take the car…" I didn't finish my sentence because I realized that Jacob was barefoot. Oh. _Oh_. "Oh."

"It's the fastest way for me to go over there. Besides, it's free. I don't need gas to keep on running. So that's it. I'm going alone." Did he really think I would give up so easily?

"If you're not taking me with you I swear I'll go by myself."

"Don't be so stubborn, Bella. You can't ride a werewolf all night long. It's just exhausting. And I definitely can't take you on the motorcycle."

"Why not? We did it plenty of times." My voice was getting harsher but I couldn't help it. I was beginning to lose my temper.

"Are you kidding? Bella, as long as you're pregnant you're not riding that motorcycle. Am I understood?"

"What?" I almost choked on the word. "Are you giving me orders now?"

"It's not an order; it's a statement. You're pregnant so you're not riding the motorcycle. Period. Now, let me go. I've lost enough time enough."

Jacob began to unbuttoned his jeans in preparation for his phase as if the discussion was over. In my opinion, it was far from over. I'd made up my mind. I was going with him whether he liked or not. As Jacob was unbuttoning his pants I rapidly called Angela and cancelled our dinner. I told her I'd call her later to arrange another meal together. Jacob shot me one of the darkest looks I'd ever seen but it didn't make me flinch.

"There. No more social obligations. I'm coming with you."

"I already said no!" Jacob roared. "What don't you understand about the sentence 'I'm going _alone_'?"

"I'm coming!" I shouted back, clearly losing my temper. "We take the car so we can go together! _My_ period. And I warn you,' I added, taping his chest with my finger. "If you're leaving me behind I'll follow you!"

"All right, fine!" Jacob yelled. I took a step backward; suddenly afraid that maybe I pushed him too far. He shot his arms in the air with exasperation, almost smacking me in the process. I knew it wasn't intentional but it scared me. I retreated away from him until my back was against the front door. My eyes were stuck to Jacob's shaking hands. He seemed to realize that I was afraid because he closed his eyes, taking sharp intakes of breath. He was maybe mad at me but it seemed that the thought of hurting me was more powerful than his anger. The shaking stopped within seconds. When Jacob opened his eyes again they were still filled with anger but this time I couldn't say if he was just mad at Embry or at me, too. He refastened his pants and shot me another dark look.

"Get your stuff. I'm waiting in the car."

_A so not subtle move, Jake!_ I'm not so naïve. Did he think I would let him go to the car alone while I was still inside? I wasn't dumb. I was sure that Jacob wouldn't wait for me and would drive away without me. He would leave the car far enough away that I wouldn't know where it was before he ran to California. It really sounded like something Jacob could do. I wasn't going to let him have it his way. I could do without clothes. I couldn't do without food but I'd make Jacob stop at for fast-food or something on the way. I grabbed my purse and my coat before opening the front door. I literally ran towards the car and was sitting on the passenger seat before Jacob could realize it. I waited a few minutes alone before Jacob appeared in the doorway, closing the door behind him. I knew I really pissed him off so I had better not talk to him before he really calmed down. Yet I had been within my rights. Jacob didn't have the right to order me to stay behind. He didn't even have the right to give me orders at all. If I wanted to go see my cousin, he didn't have to forbid it.

Jacob climbed in the car, put his seat belt on, and started the car engine without looking at me even once. Hell! Why did he want to go alone anyway? Sure, he was as fast as the car when he was running, maybe even faster. But what would an hour or two change? He would have arrived at night and Beth would have been sleeping. Plus, if Jacob was planning on Embry telling Beth the whole truth it was better for her if I was there when he did it. She would need moral support.

An awkward silence filled the car. Jacob was staring at the road, his hands clutching the steering wheel, and his jaw clenched. I looked away from him and looked out the window in an attempt at distraction. Jacob was driving so fast that the trees passed in such a blur it made me feel sick.

"Can't you drive slower?" I asked in a whisper, looking down at my hands.

"If you want to get there as soon as possible I _have_ to drive fast," Jacob grumbled. He didn't say anything else nor did he drive slower. I sighed and leaned my head against the headrest.

"At least now you're glad I don't have my truck anymore." It was supposed to be a joke to lighten Jacob's mood but it didn't work. My comment didn't provoke any reaction at all, not even a small smile. If we weren't going to apologize for the argument or just try to figure things out, it was going to be a _long_ ride. I wasn't the one who had to apologize –I hadn't done anything wrong, but Jacob didn't seem to want to take the first step.

"Listen, Jake, I know…"

"Let's don't talk about this, okay? Let's don't talk at all, actually. Just let me calm down."

I nodded in agreement. The last thing I wanted was Jacob losing his temper again and phasing in the car. I turned the radio on to get some sounds in the car. I really didn't like silence. I always needed to have music or at least the radio on when I was alone. I found a radio station where they were talking about a new book but Jacob hissed so I put a CD on. I hadn't even checked which CD it was. When I heard the Elizabethtown soundtrack filling the car, I smiled. This movie was one of my favorites and I found the soundtrack amazing. I closed my eyes then snapped them open, jumping in my seat.

"I forgot to feed the dog!" I exclaimed, realizing I had completely forgotten her.

"Call Seth." It was Jacob's only response to my lack of responsibility. Seth was the only other person who had a key of our house so he could surely come and feed the dog. Jacob didn't see the point of Seth having a key but Seth always had a key to my former apartments so there was no reason he couldn't have one for the house. I called him anxiously and was relieved that he could get the dog some food. I didn't know if having a dog could be compared to having a child but I just hoped I was going to be more responsible with the kid.

I closed my eyes again and began to hum the lyrics of the song. I was too self-conscious to sing even if Jacob was the only person who could hear me. I only sang when I was alone. I let the music fill my mind and I soon felt I was going to drift into sleep.

Indeed, when I opened my eyes again the sky was dark yet cloudless. I could see stars above our heads. The car wasn't moving anymore. We had come to a stop but where? I didn't know. Jacob shifted roughly in his seat, mumbling something like "It's just impossible to sleep in a car" and "How can she do it?"

"Jake?" I asked, resting my hand on his arm. He didn't jerk at my touch which I took as a good sign.

"Did I wake you up?" His voice wasn't as angry as it had been during our last discussion. Maybe my Jacob was back again. He moved in his seat so he was facing me, his head still against the headrest. He took my hand and his warm touch made me realize that it was very cold in the car.

"No, you didn't. I think the cold did it. Listen, Jake…I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have been so stupidly stubborn. I…"

"I'm the one who has to apologize, Bells. I had time to think while you were asleep and I was stupid. I know I shouldn't have forbid you from coming with me. You had every right to be mad at me. It's just that Embry is so stupid I wanted to be over there as fast as possible to prevent him from causing more damage. I'm sorry." Jacob stroked my cheek slightly and I knew with relief that everything was back to normal. "But what I said about the motorcycle? It's still valid, Bella."

I wanted to say that we'd see about that, that I was pregnant, not ill, but I didn't want to ruin everything by causing another argument. However, now that I was calmer and, as the tension of the argument had faded, I realized that I had been wrong, too. It wasn't just Jacob's fault.

"I'm sorry too, Jake. I know I was driving you crazy but I just couldn't stop myself."

"Maybe that's your hormones. Aren't they supposed to mess you up because of the baby?"

"It would be too easy to blame the hormones," I said with a chuckle. "I don't want you to agree to all my whims because I'm pregnant. You can be mad at me when I act like an idiot or when I ask impossible things at impossible hours."

"Sure, sure. I won't forget that when you wake me up at two in the morning because you want to eat pineapple ice cream."

I smiled at his comment, aware that Jacob was right and that something like that would certainly happen in the future. Jacob leaned down to place a soft kiss on my lips before resting his forehead to mine. We were silent for a few minutes before I decided that now, I could ask about what Jacob said to Embry on the phone.

"What did Embry say?" I asked in a whisper.

"Arf. Actually I didn't let him say a lot. He said that he was just keeping an eye on Beth. I think he didn't expect her to react so violently."

"Okay but…was he stalking her or something?"

"I'm sure Embry didn't mean to scare Beth but from what he said, yes, he was pretty much following her. He just wanted her to be safe, Bells. Embry's an idiot and he did things the wrong way."

"To be safe from what? Beth's not in danger, is she?" I couldn't help but to be concerned. If something else was wrong, Beth would have surely told me.

"Of course she's not. But she's his imprint and he just feels like he has to protect her back from everything. Even if there's nothing wrong. That's something that I feel for you too, you know," Jacob added, still in a whisper. "I don't need to have imprinted on you to feel that."

I sighed heavily, leaning against Jacob's warm and secure hand which was still stroking my cheek. We were quiet for a moment, looking into each other's eyes. After a few minutes I shivered and Jacob broke our special connection to button my coat up to my neck. I never got used to the cold and I was pretty sure I'd never get used to it. Jacob did a little acrobatic move and went to sit in the passenger seat, me on his lap, his strong arms wrapped around me to warm me up.

"Don't you need to sleep, Jake?" I asked with concern. I looked at the clock and it was past 11p.m. Jacob had probably been driving for more than four hours so he had to be tired, at least a bit. Still I didn't want him to move from under me.

"I'm okay," Jacob said, nuzzling his chin in my neck. At the same time, however, he made the unmistakable noise of someone trying to muffle a yawn.

"You have to sleep, Jake. I'll drive."

"Just a minute." He began to place soft kisses on my neck and I knew I had to sidetrack him if I wanted him to get some rest. I was a bit disappointed that our kitchen session had been interrupted. I would have liked to resume it in the car but Embry's situation was more important than sex. _Wow! Did I just think that? I must be really concerned about Beth!_ Jacob's kisses were lingering around my earlobe and I let a quiet moan escape. Then I spotted the paper back on the dashboard.

"Is that food?" I asked, suddenly aware that I was hungry.

"Mmm mm. I stopped at a McDonald's an hour ago coz' I was hungry. I got something for you, too, but it must be cold now."

"It doesn't matter." I grabbed the french fries and began to eat as fast as someone who'd been starving for weeks. They were cold, not really crispy but it was food anyway. I was about to eat the burger when I realized that, though it was food, my stomach didn't like it cold. I opened the door in a hurry, just in time to throw up outside the car.

"Ugh, Bells!"Jacob complained while patting my back. "That's a hard-on killer!"

I closed the door, mumbling an "I'm sorry". Then I did my own acrobatics to take the driver seat. Because of my clumsiness, the fact that I hit Jacob just twice in the process was a personal feat. I was about to start the car engine when I realized that I still didn't know where we were.

"Er…Jake? Where are we exactly?"

"Somewhere in the middle of Oregon, in a town named Junction City." Jacob's voice was already fading. He would be asleep soon not matter how much he thought he couldn't sleep in a car. But I really needed directions. I elbowed him in the ribs and he grumbled. "We're on the 99W. You stay on it until Eugene than you take I-5. It's the same road until Napa. You just have to exit for the 505 about fifty miles before the city. But I'll be driving again by then."

I thanked Jacob and drove out of the parking lot to find the road he told me we were on. By the time I was out of town, Jacob was fast asleep. I put some music on because when Jacob was sleeping there weren't a lot of things which could wake him up.

……….

I had been disappointed about our kitchen session being interrupted but my dream was easily making up for it. We were in the kitchen again except that this time, I was lying on the table. I didn't like wasting food but if there was one thing I bought just to waste it, it was the whipped cream Jacob was slowly spreading on my stomach. I watched his hands with anticipation when…

"Bella, honey, wake up."

Jacob's voice pulled me out of my wonderful dream. I opened my eyes reluctantly to see that it was no longer dark outside the car. The morning light made me blink and I covered my face with my hands.

"Kitchen session and whipped cream, huh?" Jacob asked. Though I didn't see his face I could all the same say that a mischievous grin was plastered on his face simply by the way his voice sounded. I'd always talked in my sleep but sometimes it really was embarrassing. I looked up at Jacob and indeed he was looking at me, a smile on his face and his eyes sparkling.

"I'll show you later," I promised in a hoarse voice and his eyes lightened even more. "Where are we?"

"Just next to Napa. I'm sorry I interrupted such a vivid dream but I was thinking we could go eat breakfast before going to Beth's. I don't know about you* but I'm starving!"

Though he was starving and though I only ate french fries that I didn't even keep down at midnight, I couldn't eat anything in the morning. At least not right after waking up. Jacob knew that and I saw that he teasing me by the stupid smile he now had on his face.

"Yes, you can go eat breakfast but before you go I need my kiss. You interrupted my dream after all," I responded with a pout. Jacob chuckled but obliged cheerfully to my request. He gave me a greedy kiss, pushing his tongue so far in my mouth I thought I was going to choke on it. It wasn't his usual morning kiss but I wasn't going to complain about it.

"'Morning to you too," I said when I pulled away, gasping for air. Jacob's stomach grumbled at this moment, ruining the mood. I laughed heartily, forgetting for an instant why we were in California.

"Let's get you breakfast!"

We headed towards the closest diner, hand in hand under the morning sun. If just for the sun, I was glad we were in California. Jacob ordered an amount of food so large the cook himself came by to confirm that his restaurant hadn't been invaded by a group of sportsmen teenagers but instead by a starving huge man.

Half an hour later, Jacob was satisfied and we were parked in front of Beth's apartment building. Jacob was trying to reach Embry on the phone to tell him to come over but he wasn't answering at all.

"Maybe he phased?"

"I told him not to. If Sam heard about what Embry did it would be more painful than anything you could imagine."

"Maybe his battery's dead?"

"I hope not," Jacob sighed before opening his door and stepping out of the car.

We entered the building and went to wait for the elevator to pick us up. By the time we reached Beth's floor I regretted that we'd taken the elevator. Beth opened the door of her apartment, first surprised then relieved to see us but I didn't give her time to greet us.

"Can I use your bathroom, Beth?" It was more a rhetorical question because I ran to the bathroom before she could even agree to my demand. I came out a few minutes later after I rinsed my mouth.

"Bella? Oh, I'm so glad that you're here!" Beth exclaimed when I entered the kitchen. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, it's nothing," I said with a swift movement of the hand. Morning sickness wasn't 'nothing' at all but it wasn't important just now. "How are _you_?"

"I'm just a bit scared. I was all alone and I was afraid he would come up here…"

"Don't worry, everything's gonna be all right. We're here to sort things out," I said, trying to sound reassuring while stroking Beth's trembling arm. "Embry's not…"

"Why can't you answer the phone, you filthy mutt?" Jacob's roaring voice interrupted me. We both turned around to see him entering the kitchen, fuming.

"He's still not taking your calls?"

"No! But I warned this idiot not to pha…change." Jacob stuttered on the last word, almost saying the so common word between us. However this word would bring questions from Beth and we had to wait for Embry to explain everything. "He should answer the phone!"

"Fuck. Er…Jacob? I think I know why he's not answering your calls," Beth said in a little voice, avoiding both my face and Jacob's. "I…I kind of called the police yesterday."


	7. Chapter 7

**7. There's Always Someone To Shout At**

_October,4th_

"_Er…Jacob? I think I know why he's not answering your calls," Beth said in a little voice, avoiding both my face and Jacob's. "I kind of called the police yesterday."_

Jacob was looking at Beth like he didn't understand what she said. He seemed to realize he was gaping because he closed his mouth, folding his arms across his chest, an angry look in his eyes.

"Why did you do that?" he asked in a harsh voice. "I specifically asked you not to do that."

Beth didn't look up to meet his hard glance. She was trembling but still, I couldn't tell if it was because she was angry or scared. I went by her side and put one arm around her shoulders to comfort her.

"It's okay, Beth. It's okay," I whispered reassuringly. "You did what you thought was right."

Jacob snorted loudly at my comment which got him one of the darkest looks I could provide. He could try to defend his friend, he could find it annoying or too much to have Embry in jail but he definitely couldn't behave like this with Beth.

"Yes, Jake, she did what she thought was right. And I'm not going to blame her for that."

"Embry's in jail and you don't care?"

"Of course I care!" I responded, raising my voice. I had the feeling this was going to be another argument. "But I care about Beth, too!"

"I should have come alone," Jacob muttered angrily. "I would have arrived way earlier."

"Oh, so now it's going to be my fault if Embry's in jail?" I dropped my arm from Beth's shoulders and folded them across my own chest, facing Jacob.

"Guys…don't fight because of me," Beth said, standing up. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called you. I should have dealt with this by myself."

"No, Beth," Jacob responded suddenly, taking his eyes off me to look at my cousin. "You were right to call me." I flinched when I heard that. Jacob was implying that my place wasn't here with him and Beth. How could he think that? I knew a lot about werewolves, imprinting, and legendary stuff. I was as qualified as he was to explain it to Beth. Plus, I was less biased than Jacob because I wasn't as linked to Embry as he was. "There're things you need to know. But it was wrong to call the police. You have to drop charges. Embry didn't do anything wrong…"

"Excuse me?" This time it was Beth who raised her voice. She looked utterly shocked by Jacob's declaration. She took one step forward to look directly into his eyes. The three of us were angry now. I knew it was going to be a hard day but I didn't expect that argument. I didn't expect Jacob to defend Embry so loyally.

"He didn't do anything _wrong_?" Beth repeated. "I don't know how the law is where you live but here it's fucking illegal to harass people!"

"Did he harass you?" Jacob hissed, taking a step forward, too. "Did he try to break into your apartment? Did he threaten you? Was he aggressive?"

"No, but…" Beth retreated away from Jacob, afraid of the anger she could see in his eyes. She looked exactly like me yesterday evening. Now I had enough. Jacob could act like a jerk with me; I knew how to make him pay back. But he couldn't be like that with Beth. I stepped in front of her, weighing whether or not I should smack him. No, I would hurt myself more than anything it would do to him so I kept my hands to my sides.

"That's enough, Jake! I would have done exactly the same thing if a man was following me around all day long!"

"And he called me every night. I didn't tell Tom because I didn't want him to get in a fight."

"You called the police because he called you a little too much?" Jacob didn't seem willing to stop being mad at Beth. I really couldn't understand what was going on with him. Last night Jacob was calling Embry a moron and an idiot but now he was defending him?

"Jacob Black, I said it's enough!" I shouted, surprised by the intensity I put in it. Jacob dropped his gaze to me and he looked surprised, too. I rarely called him like that except when I was really angry or pissed off. "You have no right to talk to my cousin this way! You have to calm down. Now!"

Jacob didn't say anything but he kept on looking in my eyes until suddenly seemed to understand he had gone too far. He extended his arm to touch mine but I moved away, fuming.

"We should all go to the police station," Jacob said after a moment of silence. "You have to drop the charges, Beth, please. Or I'll pay the bail. But Embry has to get out of jail."

Beth looked at me with uncertainty while I was looking at Jacob with disbelief. Sure, if we had to pay Embry's bail I'd agree to it. Though I didn't like his attitude he was like family for Jacob so he was also family for me. However, Jacob didn't seem to realize that he should ask me first if I was okay with giving some of our money for Embry. I'd have to talk to him about the fact that now that we were married, I was kind of more important than the pack and that there were decisions we had to make together.

"I…I don't want you to waste money because of me," Beth replied. "But I don't want to let him out of jail so he can start screwing up my life again. You said there were things I needed to know," she added for Jacob. "I want to know."

Jacob took a deep breath before he opened his mouth. I knew he was going to try to explain but, given his present state of mind, he wasn't the best person to do it. Jacob would see now that it was a good thing I was here with him. I hushed him with a motion of the hand.

"Go get some fresh air, Jake. I'll talk to Beth. You can wait in the car."

Jacob saw that I was still pissed off and knew better than to argue. He shrugged than darted out of the apartment. I took a breath before turning to face Beth. I motioned her to sit on a kitchen stool. It was better if she was sitting when the big revelation hit her. Yet, I had no earthly idea how I was going to get this conversation right. Plus, I was fighting internally with the need to rush back to the bathroom again and that wasn't helping at all.

"This is a fucking crazy situation, Bella! Why did this psycho decide to intrude in _my_ life?"

"I'm so sorry things got so bad. First, I have to tell you that Embry isn't like this normally. He's a great man, very friendly, very funny, and completely devoted to the ones he cares about. He's not a psycho at all."

"Then why is he acting like one with me?" Beth asked, raising one eyebrow and crossing her arms.

"Trust me I don't like the way Embry's behaving. If he was here in front of me I would give him a piece of my mind for making you feel so scared. But you've got to believe me. Embry cares about you a lot more than you can imagine."

Suddenly, Beth burst into cold laughter. Did I say something funny?

"He cares about _me_? I'm sorry, Bella, I can't believe you. Why would he care? He doesn't even know me!"

Okay, this was going to be harder than I expected. I already knew that it wasn't going to be easy but now that I was really facing Beth and I had to spit out the explanations, yes, it was hard.

"It's hard to explain, Beth, so I need you to be open-minded, okay?" She nodded with apprehension and I took a deep intake of breath. "Embry feels that…he has to protect you, to make life better for you. He doesn't want anything bad to happen to you. And it's difficult for him to be away from you. Even if he didn't handle it right, that's why he's here. To look after you. Embry feels…connected to you."

"Connected? What do you mean 'connected'? Like… love or something? Shit. Please don't say he loves me. Please."

"I won't say it," I whispered and Beth swore loudly.

"Shit! How can he? I mean, I met him just once! Plus, I have Tom! Your friend just has to leave me be!"

I was about to say that I wouldn't count on that because I knew it was really hard for the guys to be away from their imprints. I remembered that once Claire had to go to Colorado for a week with her parents for a wedding. Quil didn't go out of his house while she was away. He spent seven days on the couch, sobbing and looking at pictures of Claire before Jacob and Seth decided they had enough and kicked him out of the house, taking him out for a guys night. Not a success at all but, at least, they'd tried.

I heard some honking down in the street. I knew that Jacob was beginning to lose his temper again. The rest of this conversation would have to wait a bit although I really wanted for us to be in a calm and familiar place when the whole truth would hit Beth. I sighed and grabbed my bag.

"We'll finish this in the car, okay?" I asked a now very confused Beth. She nodded and took her purse before we got out of the apartment. I knew better than to try the elevator again and took the stairs. We were in the car a few minutes later. As soon as the doors were closed Jacob started the car engine and we were on the road. Silence filled the car but this time it wasn't really awkward. Beth was absorbing the fact that Embry wasn't as bad as she thought he was. I turned my head to look at Jacob and he seemed to be calmer. Yet, I hadn't forgotten his attitude with Beth.

"You know that you can act like a total moron when you want?" the words were out of my mouth before I could even realize it. I meant only to think that, not to say it out loud. Jacob glanced at me and I blushed. "Yesterday you were mad at Embry because of his behavior and now you defend him?"

"I don't defend him." I raised an eyebrow at him but he just shrugged. "I just don't like knowing that he's in jail when he doesn't deserve it."

"In my opinion he deserves it, Jake. It'd teach him a lesson."

Jacob shrugged once again. Obviously, he didn't agree with me on this. We resumed our silent drive for a moment before Jacob tapped on my shoulder.

"Did you tell her that…?" he asked, tilting his head towards Beth.

"No, I didn't. I…I just said that Embry's in love with her and that he isn't as dangerous as she thought. It's already a big step for her. I want to take things slowly."

"Turn left and you'll find the police station," Beth said, resting her chin on my seat. "And could you please not talk about me as if I wasn't there? I feel like a child who can't be involved in the grown-ups' discussions."

Jacob chuckled quietly as he parked the car in front of the police station and I couldn't help the smile which settled on my face. Now the only sounds in the car were Beth's loud breathing and the grumbling of my stomach. I was hungry. Jacob put one hand on my arm but I decided not to push him away. I had had enough of all our recent fights. The day was going to be hard enough; I just wanted our relationship to be back to normal.

"Are you all right?" Jacob sounded really concerned. When my stomach grumbled once again he suddenly seemed to realize that I hadn't gotten a proper meal for almost twenty-four hours. It seemed to scare him a lot. "You have to eat, Bells."

"Yes, I know. Let's just get Embry out of here first."

My voice was resolute so Jacob just sighed. He knew I could be very stubborn and I wasn't going to surrender to my hunger. Sure, I was starving but it could wait another half an hour. My stomach grumbled again and I smiled at its impatience before I realized that this time my body didn't want food. It just wanted what was in my empty stomach out. I covered my mouth with one hand and breathed slowly. Jacob looked at me with a worried look.

"Beth?" I asked when I was sure I wasn't going to throw up. "Would you mind if I don't come with you? I…I think I really need to get food." _And to go to the bathroom. Again. _

"Well…no. If Jacob's coming with me, and if he behaves I think I'm okay."

"He'll behave," I said, smiling weakly while Jacob smirked. I kissed him softly on the lips and Beth squeezed my shoulder affectionately. They both got out of the car but I waited a couple of minutes before heading towards the diner in front of the police station.

My first move was to go to the restroom, something I was getting tired of doing. I just wished this morning sickness could stop because it was the most annoying thing in the world. I hadn't signed up for that when I got pregnant. Well, I hadn't signed up for the pregnancy at all, it was our "happy accident". Jacob was never out of creative ways to imply that I was pregnant. Nobody knew about it yet and honestly, talking about a "kangaroo" wouldn't lead anyone to think of a baby. I wasn't in a hurry to tell our big news; I wanted to keep it for ourselves a bit more.

Then I went to sit at a table to order some eggs and hot chocolate. I might have slept in the car but I didn't really get a lot of rest. The hot chocolate was invigorating but the amount of eggs in the plate was huge and though I was hungry I didn't eat half of it. Jacob could always finish it when they'd join me.

As I was thinking that, Jacob and Embry entered the diner, two massive Native Americans who looked like bodyguards. Jacob had an angry look on his face. Now that Embry was safe, out of jail, Jacob looked like he could go back at being mad at him. His look smoothed when he spotted me, eating. Embry was right behind him. He looked really sheepish and sad. I refrained from smacking him because I would more likely break my own hand than his jaw. I gave him a dark look, putting all my anger in it, when they sat in front of me.

"Bella, I'm sorry…"

"I'm not the one you have to apologize to, Embry," I cut him off harshly. "Save your breath for Beth." Jacob chuckled when I said that, and I knew he was trying not to laugh out loud. I bit my lip when I realized the double-meaning of my comment. However, Embry didn't seem to register it. He kept on looking at Beth who was in the street, talking on her cell phone. "But you're a jerk anyway."

I pushed my eggs towards Jacob. He accepted the plate gladly though he first gave me a concerned look. I knew he wanted me to eat it entirely but I really couldn't. I was surprised he didn't insist more because, if there was one thing Jacob was unbeatable at, it was forcing me to eat. I watched him eat in silence and Beth finally joined us. She sat next to me, avoiding Embry's worried look.

"Beth…I'm so sorry. I…"

"I'd prefer that you call me Bethany." I looked at her in disbelief. She never let anyone other than her parents call her like. She didn't like it. Embry cringed and looked even more in pain.

"I'm sorry…Bethany. I'm an idiot…I didn't realize I would scare you." As he was saying this and by the way he looked at Beth I knew he was telling the truth. Embry really hadn't meant any harm. He was just stupid and deeply imprinted. "It's just that…I care a lot about…"

"Yes, I know. Bella told me," Beth cut him off. "But you see, I already love someone so you'll just have to leave me alone. I only dropped the charges because they asked me to. I don't think I can forgive you right now. Just leave me alone now."

We were back where we left the discussion in the kitchen. We had just passed the easiest part of the problem. Now it was going to be way more difficult. Embry and Jacob seemed to have a silent conversation, then Jacob leaned towards Beth and began to speak in a whisper.

"You need to be really, _really_ open-minded and to promise not to think I'm crazy, okay?" Beth nodded and Jacob began his explanation. "Do you know anything about the Quileute legends?" Beth shook her head to signify that "no", she didn't. "The stories say that, at the beginning, the Quileutes were _spirit warriors_. It means that their spirits, their souls, could leave their bodies and act on their own. They couldn't do anything physical while they were in their spirit-self but they could make animals do their bidding. Other tribes looked at this as magic."

I had heard the legends many times before but this time it was different. Usually we would be around a bonfire and it would be Billy or Quil's grandfather who would tell them. I was pretty sure I never heard Sam telling them. I never heard Jacob telling them either. Though he was leaning across a table I could see pride in him by the way he was holding his shoulders up. Though he was whispering there was still a ring of majesty and of profound authority in his voice. Jacob was born to tell these stories. Jacob was born to lead the pack and he was deeply proud of it. It made me feel sick because I didn't want him to get so involved in the pack life. I may be selfish but I didn't want to lose him to a vampire.

"The spirit warriors would protect the tribe any time it was necessary. Once, there was a chief called Taha Aki. He was a very wise man but one of his men wasn't satisfied with his peaceful leadership. One day Taha Aki left for the mountains and had left his body to patrol the whole area and be sure there wasn't any danger. The dissatisfied man, Utlapa, followed him and stole the chief's body. Taha Aki was left in the spirit world but he sought for revenge. He found a huge wolf, and as he felt disoriented without his body, he asked the wolf to make room for him. Taha Aki joined the wolf's body with relief. Utlapa killed one of Taha Aki's friends who had discovered Utlapa's treachery. Taha Aki felt very angry at his usurper for that but this anger was the anger of a man. Not a wolf's. It was too powerful for the wolf to handle and it shifted into a human-self, Taha Aki's human-self."

Embry, Beth and I were silent, listening to Jacob. He had just given a brief summary of the legends but they had such strength in them that I got caught up every time I heard them. I let a breath escape that I wasn't aware I was holding. I looked at Beth, waiting for her to say something.

"So…?" she finally asked. "What do these stories have to do with me?"

"It's our inheritance. Some Quileutes still can do this shape-shifting. Some Quileutes still can morph into wolves."

"You mean, like werewolves?" Beth said, a small smile on her face. "I thought someone had to be bitten by a werewolf to become one." She obviously didn't believe what Jacob said.

"No, that's a stupid myth. We didn't need to be bitten. Just like we don't need a full moon to phase," Jacob said, irritated. Beth gasped when she realized what the "_we_ don't need" implied but she burst into laughter immediately after, startling me. Jacob and Embry frowned, not pleased.

"C'mon guys! That's the most fucking ridiculous excuse I've ever heard! Do you really think I'd buy that you're werewolves? I'm not so stupid! I know that werewolves don't exist."

"Beth, they're serious," I whispered, taking her hand. "What Jacob said is true. Trust me."

Beth looked at me in disbelief. She still wasn't ready to acknowledge the truth. She kept on laughing and I knew that it was nerves. Embry whispered something to Jacob then they both stood up, motioning for us to follow. We climbed in the car, Beth still laughing, which was beginning to scare me a little. We didn't talk at all during the ride. I knew that Jacob was angry that Beth didn't believe him. Embry seemed worried by Beth's behavior; maybe he thought she was going crazy. I didn't know where we were going. After what felt like hours with Beth, who was now shouting that she wanted to get out of the car, as the only background noise we came to a stop next to a forest. Oh.

Jacob helped me out of the car then extended his hand to Beth but she jerked away from him. Now she was angry they made fun of her with this "ridiculous story". She was getting angrier by the minute. She stepped out of the car and went to face Jacob.

"Why are we here?" she asked harshly.

"To show you something." Embry was already on the edge of the wood. Beth shrugged but followed us nevertheless when she realized she would be left alone.

"You told them well," I whispered to Jacob, squeezing his hand. I didn't want him to think his storytelling was a failure. It would put him in a real bad mood.

"Thank you. It's just that is was my first time. I never imagined it would be like that. In a diner, so far away from La Push."

"You'll have plenty of other opportunities," I lied with a blush but Jacob didn't notice it. I didn't want him to have other opportunities; what I really wanted was him to stop phasing and to stop being a wolf but I knew I couldn't ask for it.

When we were deep enough in the forest, Embry turned to face us, worry and apprehension in his eyes. Jacob let go of my hand so I could come to Beth's side. She was deliberately not looking at Embry but she couldn't help but stare when he took his shirt off.

"What are you _doing_?" she exclaimed with shock when he unbuttoned his jeans. I was praying that he kept his underwear on to phase. _I will buy him new ones but please, God, don't let him take them off._

"You don't believe us. So I'm gonna show you what I really am."

"Fuck! Stop it! You screwed up my life enough! Stop making fun of me!"

Embry cringed at Beth's shout, hurt that she didn't trust him and, for the first time, I felt sorry for him. Yet, he didn't let her argue more and, in the blink of an eye, he phased. Jacob was standing in front of us, ready to act if something turned wrong. It wasn't necessary. Embry wasn't aggressive at all. He looked like a beaten dog.

The second Embry phased, Beth passed out.


	8. Chapter 8

I just got out of a college theatre where I saw Twilight....again. It's like the 7th time or something like that! And when we got out I told my friend that I will put another chapter online tonight so here it is! Enjoy.

The chapter title is actually a song by the Jonas Brothers (don't make fun :p)

**8. Just Friends**** Jacob's POV**

I was standing between the girls and Embry though I didn't think it was necessary. Embry wasn't going phase because he was angry or because there was a menace nearby. The phase was calculated so the girls weren't in any danger. Yet, Embry had asked me to stand between him and them in case something unexpected happened.

It'd always been easy for me to phase, even at the beginning, but the other guys had achieved this efficacy throughout the years. Embry phased in the blink of an eye and I knew he had been wrong to worry. Except for the fact that he was now a huge wolf, he wasn't frightening at all.

Well, he wasn't for me. I heard a loud gasp behind me and Embry whined. The gasp was followed by a loud thud and a small cry of surprise. I turned around to see Bella and Beth on the ground, the second apparently unconscious. Great! Now she fainted! Could this day be any worse? I always thought Beth was a tough person; never shy, always saying what was on her mind, never afraid of the consequences, never afraid of anything, actually. She was so different from my modest and clumsy little Bella sometimes it was hard to believe they were related. Even if they were just cousins.

However, today, Beth proved to me that I was wrong about her. She wasn't as tough as I thought she was. Everybody would be afraid of a stalker, right. I couldn't blame her for that. I knew Bella would go crazy if someone was following her around. I got it Embry had been a clueless ass on this part. But when you tell someone not to go to the police because everything's going to be okay and this someone still does it, _that_ is stupid. I had been mad at Beth because of this, because she didn't trust me when I said that everything would be okay.

Now she was on the ground, unconscious, while Bella was rubbing her ankle. She might have been holding Beth's arm or something and, when her cousin fainted, Bella might have lost her balance. Yeah, it sounded exactly like Bella.

"You okay?" I asked with concern, kneeling next to her. I grabbed her ankle to check if it was broken but Bella pushed me away gently before focusing her attention on her cousin.

"Don't worry about me. We need to take care of her."

Bella grabbed Beth's hand and squeezed it softly while whispering to her to wake up. Embry whined again behind me and I realized he had stepped closer to us. I'd been so concerned about Bella I hadn't heard him come nearer. Embry really looked worried. He was trampling hesitantly, not sure if he should come any closer or stay at a safe distance.

"I think you should stay where you are," I said, answering his silent question. Embry let escape a soft, sad howl and he looked like he would cry. I knew it was killing him to know that he was the direct cause of Beth's fainting. I'd never seen a wolf cry. I didn't even know it was something we could do. "You don't want her to be more freaked out if she sees you so close."

Embry whined once again but sat nevertheless, his eyes still locked on Beth. Bella was still whispering to her to wake up but it didn't seem to have any effect at all. Maybe if she slapped her she would get some result. I refrained from suggesting that, afraid that I would be the one getting slapped which would cause Bella physical pain. Yet, Bella didn't need my suggestion. She began to gently tap Beth's cheek. I had been right; _this_ was having results. Beth began to slowly move her arms and legs. She was coming back to us.

"Beth? Can you hear me?" Bella asked her cousin, anxiety in her voice.

The moment Beth heard Bella's voice her eyes shot open and fear covered her face. She seemed to realize that Embry phasing wasn't something she imagined but something real. Beth saw Embry, or rather she saw a huge wolf in pain a few feet away from her and she stood up in an instant, stepping away from it.

"Where's Embry?" she asked, sounding as freaked out as she looked. It was the first time she used his name; maybe it was an improvement in their relationship. But Beth's next move destroyed my hopes. "Where is he? Stop making fun of me!"

"Beth…You saw it. Embry's here, with us," Bella said in a calm voice.

"_This_ is Embry?" she asked, pointing at him and he nodded slowly in a so non-wolfish way. Beth gasped but, to my relief, didn't pass out again. "Shit! I…I thought it was a joke! This's fucking crazy! Why did you tell me that? I didn't need to know! I didn't want to know!"

"Beth, we're sorry but…"

"No, Bella stop!" Beth shouted, shoving off Bella's hand and moving away from her. The gesture made Bella lose her balance and she stumbled yet not fall. I swore that if Beth kept on harming my girl I really was going to be angry at her. I pulled Bella to my side, wrapping my arms around her chest. Bella was safe here. "I don't care if you like having your life feeling like a horror movie but I care! I don't want this shit in _my_ life!"

I felt Bella flinch under Beth's shouting. It took all my strength not to even growl at her. Beth was fuming now. I knew it wasn't going to be the easiest day of my life but I was now really looking forward to the moment everything would be okay again. My expression must have scared Beth anyway because she took a step backward from us. Then I felt something brushing my leg and realized it was Embry. He had come closer and was claiming my attention. I didn't like to have him so close to Bella though I knew she had no problem with this proximity.

"Yeah, I think you should," I said when Embry tilted his head towards his clothes. He turned around and jogged towards them, then grabbed them in his jaws before disappearing from our sight.

"Where did he go?" Beth asked, suddenly calmer. Her heartbeat kind of slowed down. She really had been afraid of the wolf. Note to self: never say or think that Embry scares Beth when in wolf-form. It would devastate him.

"Phasing back so he can talk to you."

"Why did he go away for that? I've already seen it the first time and it's fucking crazy. The fact that he hides doesn't change anything."

"I guess Embry doesn't want you to see him naked," Bella said in a small voice. Beth gasped again and I couldn't help but chuckle at her shock.

"Well, naked or not I don't care. I want you to get me out of here. I don't want to talk to him."

Could this girl be a little bit more cooperative? The situation was hard enough without her always complicating things like this.

"There's just one more thing you need to know, Beth. I hope it's going to be clearer for you, after. And then I promise we'll leave you alone." There was an edge of sadness in Bella's voice and Beth heard it, too. She seemed about to say something which I was pretty sure would be an apology for shouting at her cousin but she closed her mouth soon after opening it.

"I just need to talk to you, Beth…Bethany," Embry said. He was now fully clothed but the sad look he was wearing while in wolf-form hadn't left his face. Imprinting really was something stupid. We shouldn't need it to find love. I hadn't needed it. All that imprinting did was to take away our freedom. When the guys imprinted they lost their freedom. I knew it because each time I phased with Quil or Jared, they couldn't stop thinking about Claire and Kim. Their whole life depended and gravitated around the girls. I kind of thought it was the same for me and Bella except that, for me, it was a natural love. It wasn't something that had been forced on me. I truly hoped I'd never imprint.

"If we talk then you'll leave?"

"If you want me to, yeah, I'll leave."

"All right, then. Let's talk," Beth finally agreed, facing Embry with impatience.

Bella's body suddenly tensed in my arms. I bent my head to see what was wrong but everything seemed normal except that Bella's eyes were now closed. Her lips were moving rapidly but no sound escaped them. I listened closely enough to realize that Bella was reciting a Shakespearean' play. I couldn't remember the title of the play but I recognized it because Bella had to do a lot of research on it during her last year at college. I'd never forget the endless hours we spent on reading the play out loud so she could get more sense from it. A real nightmare. So why was she reciting it now?

"It's something that has to do with the fact that I care about you…"

Oh, crap. Right. Now I understood Bella's behavior. It might be hard for her to see Embry so committed to Beth, so deeply imprinted. Bella didn't like imprinting; she never had and I couldn't blame her for that. She didn't want to hear this conversation. I had to get her out of here. I nudged her slightly and she opened her eyes, looking up at me.

"Let's go somewhere else, okay?"

Bella nodded while sighing with what I assumed to be relief. I took her small hand in mine and we turned away in the direction where the car was parked.

"Wait!" Beth exclaimed, stopping us. "Stay, please."

"We'll be just over there." I pointed at the other side of the clearing, giving up the idea to go to the car. The clearing was big enough so that Bella wouldn't hear Beth and Embry talking. Beth nodded yet not really at ease. We were almost to the place I had spotted when Bella tripped on something and crashed into my side.

"Careful, Bells", I said with a chuckled before realizing that she didn't look in good shape. She looked far more tired now that the drama was almost over than I thought. I sat down on the grass then settled Bella gently between my legs, her back against my chest so she could rest her head on it. She did so willingly and then let escape a long sigh.

"You can sleep, now. I'll stay with you," I whispered in her hair before kissing the top of her head.

"It's not that," Bella said in a small voice. "I feel sick."

Bella was always sick nowadays. From our honeymoon until today, I couldn't remember a single day when she didn't throw up. It was kind of disgusting but we couldn't avoid it and besides, it was more painful and inconvenient for Bella than for me.

"D'you want to…"

"No," she cut me off. "No, I don't think so. It's like…heartburn. It's painful."

"Does it feel better now?" I asked, sliding my hand under Bella's shirt to rub her stomach, spreading warmth all over her bare skin. Bella didn't say anything at first but then I felt her body relax as she pressed closer to me. I took it as a sign that it was making her feel better so I kept on smoothing her skin with my fingers. I didn't think she was aware of how my body responded to her close proximity. I took sharp breaths in order to calm my body because it was neither the right place nor the right time to do what I was thinking of.

On the other side of the clearing, Embry and Beth weren't standing as far away from each other as they were at the beginning. I heard Embry giving away the secret of his imprint and then attempting to explain its function while all that Beth wanted to know was where it was coming from. I smiled because, if there was one thing we totally didn't know anything about, it was where imprinting came from. Sam had theories about it but I never cared to listen to them.

"Thank you, Jake," Bella finally said, taking my hand from under her shirt to put it back in hers. Her voice was rough and her breathing faster than usual. She _had been_ aware of our bodies' proximity. We'd have to resume this when we'd be in a more private place.

"Anytime, Bells."

"No, not that. Well, I mean yes, thanks for that, too, but not only that. Thanks for getting me away from them. I really didn't think I could stand to hear another talk about imprint. You take great care of me. Thanks."

"Isn't that what a husband is supposed to do? Take care of his wife?"

Bella just smiled, turning her head to kiss me before settling it back against my chest.

I'm a husband. Sometimes I had difficulty realizing that I was a husband, that I was married. Sometimes I thought it was just a dream and that when I wake up, Bella and I wouldn't be together. Sometimes I woke up at night and wondered why I was wearing a ring before remembering it was a wedding ring. It wasn't odd to be a husband. When I was a kid I always said that when I'd be as big as my dad, I'd marry Bella Swan. But it was just a kids' game. Years and years passed and I only realized at the exact moment I proposed to Bella that this thought never left my heart. No, it wasn't odd to be a husband. It was quite great actually. I just couldn't believe yet that I was _Bella_'s husband; that I was married to Bella. That she was _my_ wife.

"Jake?"

"Yes, honey?"

Bella didn't respond or say anything else. I tilted my head to the side to see that her eyes were closed again and that she was deep asleep. She was asleep and talking in her sleep, something I got used to. The first few times we slept together it would keep me up all night to hear a voice next to me but now it was the greatest lullaby I could ask for. I kissed the top of her head before turning around towards the spot where Beth's raised voice came from.

"You're not gonna fight for me, are you?"

Embry reassured her that, as long as she was happy, it was all that mattered to him and that if she was happy with Tom he wasn't going to ruin everything. He said that he wouldn't mind being just friends. Beth gasped again and I couldn't help but smile at her face.

"You know that I know that you love me – or whatever shit you're feeling- but you wouldn't mind being just my friend?"

I didn't know if they were aware of it but since the start of the discussion they'd kept on coming closer to each other. Now they were actually standing at a normal social distance. My ears were also quite enjoying the silence provided by the absence of Beth's shouting. Everything seemed to be coming back to normal.

Embry said that no, he wouldn't mind being just friends because he was sure he could be the greatest friend ever. Plus, as long as Beth _– oh, he was calling her Beth and she didn't mind now? The situation was definitely better!-_was willing to keep him in her life he could be anything she wanted him to be. Could Bella agree to be just friends if I imprinted? I knew I couldn't stand it and I doubted she could either. Not with the baby coming. She would hate me more than anything. It would be like a betrayal. A shiver ran down my spine at this thought.

"So, did Jacob imprint on Bella then?" Beth asked, changing the subject.

I hissed so loudly that even Beth turned towards me in surprise. She looked like she had forgotten we were here.

"Er…it's a taboo subject," Embry said hastily, avoiding my stare. He better not tell her about it. I didn't need Beth to pity her cousin for what could happen to us. Better yet, I didn't need Beth to come asking Bella questions when she hated imprinting so much.

"Ok…ay. Oh, I have another question." Beth wasn't angry at all now. Now that she knew the truth she seemed to have no problem with Embry himself or with all the things she just discovered existed. Was that the result of the imprint bond? Arf, it was just too weird.

"We have the police now. So why do you keep on phasing to protect people?"

Crap, there was one thing Beth didn't know yet.

"Er…we have to protect people against something the police don't know anything about. Something very dangerous."

"What? Witches?" Beth asked with a smile.

"No. Vampires." Embry's tone was so serious that Beth believed him immediately, not even asking if it was another joke. "But you don't have to worry. I'd never let one attack you. Plus, I don't think you could encounter one here. California's too sunny."

"Fuck. Vampires? Like Dracula?"

"Dracula? Yeah, they drink blood but as for the way they look I don't know; I don't pay close attention to these bloodsuckers. I just kill them. But you can ask Bella for a complete description if you want."

I growled loudly at this comment. The last thing I wanted was Beth to be too curious and to bring back bad memories from Bella. That would be worse than asking her about imprinting. She shifted in my arms and I tightened my hold around her waist. No one was allowed to openly talk of _those_ bloodsuckers to Bella. It was a promise I made to myself a long time ago.

"Just kidding, Jake!" Embry added, a big smile on his face. Now, everything was back to normal. Embry was smiling again and he was apparently delighted that Beth didn't hate him.

"Vampires that drink human blood? Shit…and men who shift into werewolves to kill them…fuck. This is crazy…"

Beth was trying to be tough but she was in shock. Maybe if she had only be told about the werewolves it would have been okay. But two kinds of mythical creatures becoming real in the same hour were too much for her. I got up, careful not to wake Bella and picked her up in my arms before striding towards Beth and Embry.

"I think we should go back to your apartment, Beth. Bella's exhausted and I'm sure you two need some rest after the recent events."

"You've got to listen to him, Beth. Jake's always dead right!"

I glared at Embry but his stupid comment brought a laugh from Beth and he didn't pay any more attention to me. Maybe they really could manage to be friends. I carefully sat Bella in the backseat of the car. She must be really tired if she didn't wake up with all the noise we made around her. It worried me a bit because it had been a crazy day, she hadn't got all the sleep she needed and she hadn't eaten as much as she should have. She had to eat; she knew it. She was feeding a little werewolf after all! Or a kangaroo. Or whatever I was calling the baby this week.

The ride was quiet, only interrupted by Bella's occasional talk about me and whipped cream. I really had to ask her what she wanted to do with whipped cream. But I also had to make sure that she never knew that Embry and her cousin heard her.

When we arrived at Beth's apartment she offered her guest room to Bella. Well, she offered it to me so I could put Bella in it. As I was opening the bedroom door Beth and Embry sat on the couch in silence. They didn't seem likely to break into a fight so I decided that they could be left unsupervised. I gently laid Bella on the bed, pulling a quilt on her. I closed the curtains then went to kiss her forehead. I was about to pull away when Bella spoke.

"Stay, Jake."

"Are you awake, Bells?"

"Yes I am," she said, snapping her eyes open. They were still blurred with sleep but she was definitely awake.

I complied with her request and lay beside her, wrapping my arms around her waist. Bella turned around to face me and her hands found their way under my shirt. I couldn't help but moan when our skin made contact and Bella brought her lips to mine for a passionate kiss.

"What's this for?" I asked, confused. But I was already turned on and I wasn't going to complain at all.

"I was thinking we could have a 'sexy nap'," Bella whispered in a smooth voice.

I raised my head a little so I could check the other sounds in the apartment. Beth was asking Embry if he was hungry and when he said that he was, they headed towards the kitchen. We would be left undisturbed for a while. Besides, we were married after all. We could have sex whenever and wherever we wanted, right?

I smiled down at Bella before getting up to lock the door. I didn't want Beth to come in to check on her cousin and to find us in a compromising situation. I turned back to Bella and she smiled a very bright smile. She was definitely awake now. She sat up in the bed then pulled me closer and brought her lips back to mine. God, I loved our 'sexy naps'. And I loved my wife.


	9. Chapter 9

Here's the next chapter which takes place about two weeks after Chapter 8. At the beginning, this story was supposed to be just a series of one shots and _this_ chapter was written as Chapter 3 before my mind began to wander everywhere and found new ideas for new chapters!

**9. Waiting for my soldier-husband to come home.**

_October, 18th._

The rain was patting on the roof and on the windows. The wind was blowing in gusts and all the trees outside were bending under the assault of the wind. Welcome to the autumn in La Push.

I was truly glad I didn't have to go outside today. Instead, I was inside, in my living-room, sitting cross-legged on the carpet, marking/grading junior essays. Jacob lit a fire in the fireplace and it gave the room a very cozy atmosphere. I was reading an essay which was getting on my nerves because it was full of spelling mistakes. Did teenagers know how to write correctly nowadays? I sighed and tried to focus on _what_ the student wrote rather than _how_ he wrote it.

Jacob chuckled behind me and it startled me. I was so concentrated on my work I had forgotten I wasn't alone. Jacob was sitting on the couch reading a book about pregnancy Kim gave me a week ago.

"I didn't know that pregnancy was so funny," I said, not looking up from the essay I was still reading _and_ correcting.

"It's not pregnancy I'm laughing at. It's just that people are desperately trying to give tips on how to deal with a pregnancy. But if you really want to implement all these advice you need more than nine months. This book is rubbish."

Jacob chuckled once again before throwing the book away. It landed on the coffee table with a loud thud and the dog raised her head at the sound.

"Then why do you read it?" I asked, giving the essay a B-. _Work on your grammar_, I wrote next to the mark.

"Because there's nothing else to do."

"There's always something to do. Watch the TV."

"Not interested."

"Then watch a movie."

"Not interested either."

I looked up and rolled my eyes. Jacob was staring at me with a wide smile. I was about to go back to my papers when I noticed his eyes sparkling. His look was telling all I needed to understand. It was a look which meant "I'm not interested in watching the TV, but I'm interested in _you_."

I smiled back at him and put my pen down. I had been working for more than one hour and a half and I was open to any recreation. I stood up and went to sit on Jacob's lap, putting my arms around his neck.

"Is my husband bored?" I asked in a sweet voice, kissing his forehead, then his cheeks, and the corner of his mouth.

"Only if my wife is bored too," he whispered in my ear before brushing the tip of his nose against mine.

I smiled, slightly brushing my lips to his. Jacob laughed quietly and kissed me eagerly while grasping my hips to pull me closer to his chest. His teeth nibbled my lower lip and I moaned at the electric shock it sent through my body. A second later I was lying on the couch, Jacob on top of me, his mouth trailing my neck, his hands underneath my shirt and heading towards my breasts.

"Pregnancy gets a point here," Jacob whispered. "I swear your breasts almost doubled in size."

I giggled and kissed him passionately, folding my arms across his waist to pull him closer to me, my back arching to narrow the space between us. I felt Jacob's hands on my breast, his skin warming mine through the fabric of my bra. I let go of his waist to begin to unbutton his shirt frantically. A second later another pair of hands was helping me and Jacob almost ripped his garment. When he was done I let my hands wander on his back, tracing circles with my nails.

Jacob moaned and I broke our kiss just long enough to take my own shirt off. Jacob's mouth did not meet mine again when my shirt was no longer in place. He began to kiss the skin above my bra, the skin between my breasts then my bra went to join our shirts on the floor. I couldn't see a lot with Jacob's head bending on my chest but I managed to find the top of his pants and I unbuttoned them. Jacob groaned when he felt my hands teasing the elastic of his underwear.

That's when we heard a series of loud knocks on the front door. I gasped loudly and Jacob grumbled "cockblocker" at the intruder. We quickly sat up, looking for our clothes and buttoning what had been unbuttoned. I put my shirt on not bothering with the bra which had disappeared I didn't know where in the living-room. Jacob was grumbling a string of insults against whoever was at the door. I guessed it was better for our visitor to face me before having to face Jacob so I went to open the door.

"Hey sista! How ya doin'?" Seth exclaimed when the door was open.

Seth wasn't really my brother. In fact he was hardly my step-brother since we had completely different parents. Seth was the son of my father's second wife, Sue. But Seth was the closest person I had to a sibling and I loved him as if he really was my brother. I always wanted to have a brother or a sister. It arrived in my life later than I expected because I was 18 when Seth stepped into my life. Better late than never, right? Seth was some years younger than I was, he was even younger than Jacob, but that had never been an obstacle in our relationship. Seth used to be the one I could tell everything to when Jacob and I weren't together and I couldn't confide in him. Seth wasn't biologically my brother and I wasn't his sister but it didn't matter for us; because in our hearts, we were.

"What are you doing here, Seth?" Jacob demanded when I let Seth in before closing the door on the rain.

Jacob's voice was harsh. He wasn't even trying to sound nice. I turned around to ask him to be more polite but Jacob was still shirtless and I blushed. Actually there was little left of the blue shirt he was wearing before our little recreation. I blushed again when I realized there were lipstick marks all over Jacob's neck. I never wore lipstick usually but this morning, while I was in the bathroom I felt a strange urge to wear some. As we weren't supposed to go out I had decided I could wear some. Now, I deeply regretted it. _I'll never wear lipstick again._ I blushed stronger when Seth saw the marks and gasped.

"Oh! Oh, I'm…I'm sorry, guys!" Seth mumbled while trying to avoid Jacob's dark look. "I didn't know that…"

"Of course you didn't know!" Jacob cut him off mid-sentence. "Just say why you're here before I rip your head off."

"Jacob!"

"No, that's okay, Bella. It's just that…mmh…actually…you gotta go with me, Jake. Embry crossed the trail of two vampires coming from the north."

Jacob sighed and began to take his shoes off.

"Wait! It's like a tempest out there!" I complained, grasping Jacob's arm. "You can't go!"

"Bella, honey, you know that I have to go. It's my job. But I won't be long. I'll be back in a couple of hours. Don't worry."

Jacob took my face gently in his hands, kissed me softly on the lips and then rested one hand a few seconds on my belly. He took his wedding ring off to put it in my hand.

"Stay in the house. If you need something call your father. Do not take your car. With your luck you'll manage to have an accident," Jacob added with a smile.

Seth waved me goodbye, whispered an "I'm sorry" and a second later they disappeared in the woods, leaving me alone. I put Jacob's wedding ring on the silver necklace I always wore then went to stand by the window, resolute to stay there until Jacob was back. But after a few minutes my stomach began to grumble so I went to the kitchen to eat. Then I watched the TV for a while, poked up the fire, finished grading the junior essays, and finished preparing my next lesson on _Frankenstein _for the freshmen. When all these tasks were done Jacob had been out for two hours but he wasn't back yet.

I was about to prepare hot chocolate when I heard another knock on the door. This time I opened the door on a very pregnant Emily and her five-year old son, Jason.

"Hi, Bella," she said when she was in. "I thought you may enjoy some company while the men are out."

"Thanks very much. I was about to make hot chocolate. Make yourself at home."

Emily went to sit on the couch and Jason was already playing with the dog. I carefully made my way from the kitchen to the living-room with a tray holding three mugs, a plate of cookies and a carafe full of hot chocolate.

"So how are you?" Emily asked when I sat next to her.

I knew she was asking about the baby. Everybody knew about it now.

When we came back from California two weeks ago Jacob and Embry had to report why they went away without explanation, Jacob missing his patrol in the process. When Jacob came back home he wore the most sheepish look I'd ever seen. I immediately knew something was wrong.

"_What's wrong, Jake?"_ I'd asked, my heartbeat accelerating with apprehension.

"_We phased all together because the guys were worried about our absence. Embry has to patrol all alone for three weeks to make up for his behavior, by the way. But…I'm so sorry, Bella. I…at some point Jared thought that he wanted to go back home to his baby. And I'm sorry, the cat's out of the bag."_

Which cat? I remember thinking before slowly realizing what Jacob meant.

"_I thought about it without helping it."_ Jacob had looked as if he'd done a very big stupid thing. _"I thought of a conversation we had about the baby. I'm sorry I thought I could keep the secret longer."_

That's the moment our secret was not one anymore. All the guys knew we were having a baby. It wasn't something they could keep to themselves and in a matter of days their wives knew about it. I hadn't been mad at Jacob because it would have been time to announce it, anyway. Besides, he hadn't done it on purpose but Jacob really had been afraid I would be mad at him. It had been sweet.

Then I had had to call my mother to tell her the news. And to endure the endless "My baby's gonna have a baby!" before I'd made her realize this meant she was going to be a grandmother then. Suddenly, the news of my pregnancy hadn't been so appealing to her anymore. Charlie, true to himself, had just congratulated us quietly, giving me a hug and smacking Jacob's back in a very manly way. Billy had been delighted by the news, glad to finally have the opportunity to have one of his grandchildren next to him. Rebecca had kids but they weren't coming over a lot and Rachel didn't want to hear about children yet.

"I'm fine, I think. I haven't been sick for three days."

Emily noticed the clear relief in my voice and she laughed. I was getting all desperate with this morning sickness so it had been a real surprise but nevertheless a real pleasure, when it suddenly stopped.

"I'll see if I can find you some shirts. Or I'll ask Kim."

She pointed to my shirt which used to fit me but which was becoming tighter now. Yes, my belly was growing and it would soon be time for me to go buy other clothes. I was just pushing this deadline away, not willing to buy maternity clothes.

"Thanks you. That's very kind of you. Jacob feeds me and the kangaroo pretty well. It's a wonder I'm not fatter than this."

"Jacob feeds you and what? What kangaroo?"

"Oh, it's just something stupid," I giggled. I had said this without even realizing it; it had become so natural to us. "Jacob nicknamed the baby 'kangaroo'. You know Jacob. He always comes up with something unexpected."

"It's one way to see it, it's true," Emily chuckled quietly.

We remained silent a few minutes, watching her son playing cheerfully with the dog. Emily noticed Kim's book on the coffee table and she smiled.

"This book was mine at the beginning, you know. I gave it to Kim the first time she was pregnant. It's good she gave it to you. I'm pretty sure Claire will read it one day."

"Maybe it will be outmoded when she has a child. She has plenty of time ahead of her."

"Yes, you're right. Ouch!" Emily exclaimed, massaging her belly. "That was a strong one."

I chuckled and looked down at my own belly which looked completely flat next to Emily's. I was going to be huge soon! I was already heavier than I had been in my entire life and the simple thought that I was going to put on pound after pound wasn't really pleasant.

A stronger gust of wind suddenly hit the window, forcing it open with a deafening sound. It startled all of us and I jumped to my feet, rapidly closing the window to prevent the rain from coming inside.

"I can't believe you drove here in this storm. Jacob forbade me from going outside."

"Oh, I'm sure Sam's thinking the same. I'm here because he doesn't know it. I'm sure that if I had said that I wanted to drive he would have tied me up to a chair," Emily said with a smile.

"You'll be in trouble when he finds out."

"Oh no! Well, yes. Maybe for a few seconds but I'm his imprint, you know," she said, pointing to her chest. "He cannot be mad at me for a long time."

Imprint. Emily was lucky Sam imprinted on her. Well, not lucky that they hardly fought. A life empty of fights with my husband would be uneventful, boring. Not that Jacob and I were fighting a lot but conflicts were a part of the married people's life. No. Emily was lucky because Sam would never leave her. Because Sam couldn't live without Emily. Just like Jared could not live without Kim. Just like Quil could not live without Claire. Jacob said he couldn't live without me. I knew he was sincere but, still, it wasn't the same. Imprinting could always be waiting in the dark and I knew it. It was a chance I had taken when I decided to be with Jacob. Something I was trying not to think of but something scary anyway. Something that sucked.

I didn't say anything. I didn't want to share these thoughts with Emily. I was sick of people trying to comfort me about the imprint issue. It was a part of my life, maybe the worst part, but I had to live with it no matter how frightening it was.

At this moment the clock behind us rang once again. Two hours and a half. What the hell were they doing? Seth, Jacob, Embry and Sam had gone chasing these two vampires. Four against two, plus surprise as an asset for the werewolves. It should be easy for them to kill the vampires. Ugh. I still had issues when I thought about what Jacob was doing when he was morphing into a wolf. Jacob was a killer, though he said he was more of a protector than a killer, because vampires were hardly human beings to him. But still. A long time ago, in what seemed to have been another life, I used to know nice vampires. Well, nice in the way that they were not killing humans. But in many other ways, for their attitude towards me, I didn't have nice memories of them.

I sighed heavily and stared at the window.

"Everything's all right. Don't worry about them," Emily said reassuringly, resting one hand on my arm.

"Jacob said two hours. They're late."

"They can't time these things. Trust me, you've nothing to worry about. Jacob will come back soon and he'll empty the fridge."

I smiled timidly. Though Emily was trying to comfort me it didn't work well. It'd been the second time since our wedding that Jacob went chasing vampires and I wasn't well used to it. When I lived in Seattle or Port Angeles most of the time I didn't know when Jacob was hunting vampires. He usually told me when he came back. So I had nothing to worry about. But now that we were really living together, waiting for Jacob to come home was sometimes unbearable.

"Nothing can happen to them. You know they heal in the blink of an eye."

"And if one of these bloods…vampires bites one of them? Remember Leah and Victoria?"

_Oh nuts, Bella,_ a voice shouted in my head. _Remember who you're talking to for God's sake!_ Emily was Leah's cousin. They used to be like twins when they were teenagers. Then Sam imprinted on Emily and Leah was like a fury. I didn't know them at the time, Jacob told me all of that including the fact that Sam felt more than guilty with what had happened. Then Leah discovered that like the boys she could phase into a werewolf and she joined the pack to hunt Victoria. Victoria. The simple thought of her name sent thrills throughout my whole body and sent me back years in the past, during my senior year in high school. When the man I believed to be the most perfect boyfriend in the world ditched me, leaving my heart and mind broken. When my best friend discovered that he was a werewolf. The year Victoria came back to kill me. The year Leah died.

Victoria couldn't pass the lines formed by the werewolves when they were patrolling and, as she knew of their existence she was very cautious. She had disappeared for a month and we all thought that she was gone for good. I was more relaxed; Jacob and I were getting a lot closer. We used to ride our motorcycles almost every day and most of the time it didn't end at the hospital.

And one day Leah and Jared were running patrol and they caught several new vampires' scents mixed with the one of Victoria. We didn't know where she found them but Victoria had come back with some vampires willing to help her in killing me.

All the pack went fighting, leaving me securely at Billy's with Seth who was, according to Sam, too young to fight. Even after all these years I still could clearly remember Seth's behavior that day. He was so pissed off that Jacob had to lock him in his room to be sure Seth wouldn't try to follow the rest of the pack. When they saw that it would not prevent Seth from going with the pack, and that he would break Billy's house if he had to, Sam had used his Alpha voice, something he didn't like to do. And Seth was obliged to stay in Billy's back yard in his wolf form to be in contact with the other werewolves during the fight.

But the fight didn't turn well out because Victoria's new companions of were pretty strong. After a bad move two of them had gripped Leah and, as she was already hurt, they had bitten her. She had died in the following minutes. I shuddered when my mind recalled the howl that escaped Seth-werewolf's jaws when he saw his sister dying in the pack's minds. That was the moment I began to grow closer to Seth.

I shook my head to erase these memories.

"I'm sorry, Emily," I exclaimed. "I didn't mean to say that. Excuse me. I'm sorry."

"We want to name her Leah, you know," Emily whispered, resting her hands on her belly.

"It's a girl?" I asked with surprise. "Oh, that's great Emily! Congratulations!"

She laughed quietly and accepted the hug I gave her. Then her son climbed on the couch between us, holding something in his tiny hand.

"Momma, can I have this?"

"I don't know, sweetie," Emily said, looking down at her son. "What is it?"

"See? It's blue. I like blue."

Jason opened his hand and both Emily and I popeyed when we saw what the boy was holding. Emily's look was surprised and a bit intrigued but mine was full of shame and a strong blush covered my whole face. I grabbed my bra from Jason's hand with such speed it took him several seconds to understand what happened.

"What's wrong, Aunt Bella?"*

I opened my mouth but I couldn't utter any sound. I was trying not to look at Emily who was holding back a laugh. Then the dog barked enthusiastically and headed for the front door which opened a few seconds later on Jacob.

Emily took it as her cue to leave and, after she and Jason kissed us goodbye, they left us alone. But she had the time to whisper a "I want the whole story" in my ear which made me blush stronger.

"Sorry, hon. It took more time than expected," Jacob said, taking a step forward to kiss me. "Wow, you're red! Is something wrong?"

"Jason found this," I responded, showing him my bra.

"Oh."

Jacob was holding back a laugh just like Emily did and I narrowed the space between our bodies, feeling my breathing coming back to its normal rhythm.

"Just shut up, Jake. And finish what you've begun."

"But I'm all wet and…"

"I said shut up and finish what you've begun."

"Your wish is my command."

Jacob chuckled and kissed me eagerly. Ugh, he really smelled like a dog. But right now I didn't care. Jacob lifted me up and I folded my legs around his waist. I heard him locking the front door and in a few strides we were in our bedroom.

To finish what we had begun.

* * *

A/N You can now vote for your favorite entry in the Sort of Beautiful Challenge. Here's the link:

**http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2046940/**

My entry's called _Lovely_ (hint, hint!!^^)

*Oh and you won't imagine how long it took me to understand that I needed to replace the (dot)s by real dots so the link will function! Sometimes I'm kind of dumb!


	10. Chapter 10

So, a couple of chapters ago I told you that I would give you the link to my Beta's profile but I couldn't find it on the website. Now I know the correct way to write her pen name so here it is:

http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/1861109/faite-comme-moi

Without her this story wouldn't even be published, I like it too much to post it on there without any other opinion/corrections on it. So thank you (again, again, again, and again!). People never get tired of being thanked and if you are, well sorry but I'll keep on doing it anyway!

I'm in the middle of my mid-term assesments at college and it's the first time in my life that I've to write essays but as teachers like us they gave us three to write. So I post these chapters because they're already written and posted on Twilighted but then I don't know when I'll have time enough to write again. College sucks.

Anyway, enjoy :)

**10. The Blacks' Guide for a Perfect Day.**

_October, 19th._

***Morning.**

This was how I liked to be woken up. Not by a stupid alarm clock that you wanted to crush to the ground every time it reminded you that you had to go to work. Not by the rain pattering on the roof and the windows, scoffing at us that today wouldn't be a sunny day. Not by the dog which managed to slip into the bedroom before jumping on the bed, almost giving me a heart attack in the process. None of these things were how I liked to wake up.

I liked, however, to wake up all by myself, when my body had decided it had enough rest. It was only possible on Sundays mornings but, as today was a Sunday, that's how I woke up. I was lying in the bed, the sheets pulled all the way up to my neck to protect me from the cold. I was enjoying the quietness in the room, trying not to open my eyes yet. I couldn't hear any sound outside so I assumed that yesterday's storm was over. It was quite a relief because I didn't want to be stuck inside for another entire day.

The house was almost quiet, too, except for some muffled noises down the hall, in the kitchen. I ran my hand over the spot where Jacob was supposed to be sleeping but there was nothing. I was alone in the bed. I was a bit disappointed because I liked waking up next to Jacob and resuming some of our nightly activities. As my mind was wandering to last night's memories I couldn't help the large smile which spread across my face. God, I loved being married.

After a few minutes of replaying these memories in my head I felt one, two, three and even more kisses all over my face. I didn't want to open my eyes so I tried to make Jacob believe that I was still asleep. But he had a strange effect on me and, after each of his kisses, my breathing was a little bit faster.

"I know that you're awake," Jacob whispered in my ear before capturing my mouth with his. If I hadn't been awake in the first place this kiss would have definitely woken me up. My eyes shot open and I blinked to accustom them to the morning light. I tried to grab Jacob's shirt to pull him closer to me before I realized he wasn't wearing one. I circled his waist with my arms but even with all my strength I was too weak to make him move.

I felt Jacob smiling against my lips before he pulled the sheets away so he could lie beside me. I eventually ran out of breath so I broke the kiss reluctantly, feeling dizzy. I propped myself on my elbow to get a better angle and began to leave soft kisses on Jacob's neck while trailing my hands along his so perfect chest. I was a lucky girl. Then a sharp pain erupted on top of my head. I could feel the tears in my eyes.

"Ouch!" I exclaimed, massaging my head, realizing that the pain came from Jacob's hand encountering my tangled hair.

"I'm sorry!" Jacob said, removing his hand from my hair to put it on my hip. The pain vanished as fast as it arrived and I gave him a brilliant smile to signify that everything was okay.

"Just don't touch my hair. Actually, don't even look at it," I whispered, bending down to resume my kissing. Before I even realized it my hand had found a will of its own by playing with the waistband of Jacob's shorts.

"I think you're beautiful even when you hair looks like a…oh God!" Jacob exclaimed when my hand sneaked into his shorts, grabbing his hard member. I began to rub it very slowly, grinning at Jacob. "Oh God!" he repeated, squeezing my hip and pulling my body closer to his, if it was possible.

"When it looks like what?" I asked wickedly against Jacob's skin between kisses all over his chest. My hand was still doing its slow teasing in Jacob's shorts and I knew it was like a torture to him. "When it looks like what, Jake?"

He was moving his hips with the intention of making me go faster but I wasn't willing to do so. Teasing Jacob was something I was an expert at and I kind of liked it. Jacob couldn't think nor speak clearly when we were having sex so I liked making him speak.

"When it looks like…oh God Bells, please! When it looks like…Geez, ugh, Bella! Stop doing that!"

"Doing what?" I asked in an innocent voice, effectively pulling my hand out of his shorts. I licked the drop of pre-cum on my fingers while looking into Jacob's eyes and he growled. The next thing I knew I was laying on my back, Jacob hovering above me.

"Two can play at that game, you know," Jacob whispered before trailing his hands around my breasts, never truly touching them. I liked teasing him but he didn't like being teased. What was funny was that, when the situation was reversed, it was exactly the same thing. Jacob liked teasing me but I didn't like being teased. I tried to push my hips higher to meet his but he pinned me back to the bed, still careful not to press on my belly.

I groaned loudly when his lips brushed against the skin between my breasts, not really kissing it. Jacob's fingertips ran down to my panties. But his hands didn't stop at them and continued marking hot trails on my thighs. That's when I realized I wasn't wearing any underwear and that I'd slept naked. I only had time to blush slightly at the thought before groaning louder when Jacob's lips began their journey downward, following his hands. I closed my eyes in anticipation but Jacob's lips never went where I wanted them to go. He simply brushed his lips to my center then left soft kisses on my thighs. I moaned again this time with frustration. When I opened my eyes Jacob was smirking at me.

"Is something wrong, Bella?" he demanded, still massaging my thighs with his fingertips. He was apparently very proud of himself but I was feeling dizzier and I had had enough of the teasing.

"Darn, Jake, stop doing this!" I begged, once again trying to push my hips towards him but, once again, being stopped by Jacob's hands.

"Doing what?"

"Stop teasing me! Do whatever you want but do something. Please! Fuck!" The swearing was out before I could realize it but I didn't care. "Oh, fuck!"

I couldn't focus on what kind of words were coming from my mouth. All I could focus on was Jacob's tongue, which had begun licking my clit. I closed my eyes again, this time really able to enjoy the pleasure. I knew a goofy smile was plastered on my face but it didn't matter. My legs felt like jelly and I would certainly have fallen if I had been standing. My vocal cords were acting on their own. I couldn't prevent the moans which were echoing freely out my mouth. The only thing that mattered was Jacob's tongue, first circling my clit then licking up and down, the wonderful feeling accentuated by his fingers thrusting in and out of me. When I felt that I wasn't going to last very long, all of a sudden, Jacob stopped everything and I felt empty.

"What the…" I complained, opening my eyes. My sentence was cut off by Jacob's lips devouring mine. I was painfully aware of Jacob's erection pressed against my thigh yet still imprisoned in his shorts. I let go of his neck and attempted to reach his underwear but my arms were too short. I broke the kiss, taking the opportunity to get some air. Jacob's tongue left hot trails on my neck and along my collarbone.

"Jake, please…" I moaned and I felt his lips breaking into a smile against my skin. "I need you, Jake. Now!"

It seemed that this was all Jacob was waiting for: my begging. He growled loudly, and before I could even realize it happened, Jacob had removed his shorts. He thrust hard into me without any warning or anything and it felt good, very good.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed, slamming my head back on the mattress. My hands instinctively grabbed the headboard behind me. Jacob began to thrust faster, animalistic groans escaping his throat. Oh God, I loved those groans.

"I think you're beautiful –thrust- when your hair looks like –thrust- a mess –thrust-," Jacob said and it took me a second to understand why he was telling me that. My brain wasn't working efficiently. "I think you're beautiful –thrust- when you say –thrust- 'fuck' like this. I like –thrust- knowing I'm the one –thrust- who makes you speak –thrust- like that."

I hushed him, bringing my lips to his for a passionate kiss. I trailed my hands along his back and Jacob groaned in my mouth when I nibbled at his lower lip. He wasn't going to last very long and neither was I. Jacob wrapped my legs around his waist, sensing that they felt like jelly and I couldn't find the strength to move them myself.

The new position allowed a great, new friction and within seconds Jacob erupted inside of me. I broke the kiss to scream the loudest 'fuck' I'd ever provided, digging my nails into Jacob's back. I saw dozen of stars exploding around me. When I came back to Earth and opened my eyes, I saw Jacob's face really close to mine, a satisfied smile on it. He gave me a soft, yet hot, kiss before he rolled on his back so that he was lying next to me.

I still felt dizzy and my heartbeat was so fast it sounded like my heart was going to burst through my chest. Locks of my hair were glued to my sweaty face but I didn't care how I looked like now. _This_ was how I liked to wake up.

"Good morning," I finally managed to say after a few minutes of blissful silence.

"Good morning? It's almost noon, Bells," Jacob chuckled, stroking my face. How could he have such smooth hands when he spent all day long in grease? "I guess I kind of exhausted you last night."

I pouted but lifted my head to reach his lips. I couldn't believe I had slept all morning. I didn't really feel tired yesterday. Suddenly a strange smell hit my noise and I pulled away.

"Is that a smell of burning?"

"Crap! My eggs!" Jacob exclaimed, jumping off the bed naked to run to the kitchen.

I laughed but was nevertheless a bit afraid. Jacob alone in a kitchen wasn't something you could rely on. I looked around for my nightdress, which had somehow disappeared, so I grabbed the closest piece of clothing and dressed in it. When I entered the kitchen, Jacob was looking at what was supposed to be eggs but now was just burnt food.

"I wanted to cook you something but…wow! Isn't this trendy?" Jacob asked with a whistle when he caught sight of me, wrapped in the sheets of our lovemaking. I sat on a chair and pouted.

"My nightdress mysteriously vanished. And for your information, you're not quite well dressed either."

Jacob smirked but grabbed the shorts I threw to him. He put them on rapidly before dumping the eggs in the trash.

"D'you want me to cook something else?"

"No, I'll make sandwiches." I decided I didn't want to cook today. I always felt lazy after sex. Besides, Jacob cooking would only end with another catastrophe. Jacob gave me a reproving look.

"I'm going to have a shower," I said to sidetrack him from arguing with me to eat healthier food.

I stood up and, before I left the kitchen, I turned around with a brilliant smile.

"You're coming?" I added with a wink.

***Afternoon**

First Beach wasn't the kind of beach you expected to find people sun-bathing on or swimming and not because we were in October. The weather wasn't usually warm enough to allow people to swim no matter what time of the year it was. But First Beach was the perfect place to take a quiet walk in the afternoon. It was surrounded by high cliffs from where the guys liked to jump off into the ocean. The sand on the beach was always wet because of the constant rain and there was driftwood and rocks all over the place, all providing good spots to sit and rest. When the weather was nice enough to push the clouds away it was even possible to see St. James Island, a few miles from the shore. Still, that wasn't the case today.

Jacob and I had decided to go for a walk because I wanted to get out of the house. I had spent all day inside yesterday and I was dying for fresh and invigorating air. We walked down the stairs to get to the beach and as soon as we put our feet on the sand, Jacob let go of my hand to free the dog from her leash.

"Here you go, big girl." Jacob stroked the dog's head before she ran away from us, clearly enjoying being outside. I wasn't very keen on the dog being let free to wander on the beach because she would go into the ocean, I was sure of that, and she would get the car wet.

Jacob reclaimed my hand in his and I obliged more than eagerly. We walked in silence for long minutes, simply enjoying being together. Nothing else mattered but us; it was pretty peaceful not to worry about anything for some time. I'd decided this day was going to be perfect and so far it really was. This morning had been more than wonderful. First, the waking-up sex then, the replay in the shower and I intended to make it to three times tonight. The sole thought of what tonight was going to look like made me wish the hours could go by faster.

"What are you thinking of?" Jacob whispered in my ear before kissing my cheek. I blushed then looked up to see that his loose hair was falling on his face, partially hiding his eyes.

"That it's time for you to go to the hairdresser, buddy!" I exclaimed, running my hand in his hair then ruffling it. Jacob jerked off my hand and pouted.

"I thought you liked it long."

"I do; but it doesn't mean that you can't go to the hairdresser to refresh it. It'll be even better after, you'll see."

Jacob whimpered, apparently not willing to cut his hair and I couldn't help but laugh at his face.

"It's just some hair, Jake. Don't be such a whiny boy. You know, sometimes I really have the impression I live with a child!"

"I don't behave like a child," Jacob pouted before a wide grin spread on his face. "If I were a kid you wouldn't have done what you did to me in the shower earlier."

I blushed strongly which made Jacob laughed loudly, putting his arm around my waist before pulling me closer to his side. He kissed the top of my head softly as I leaned my head against his warm arm. He was wearing a long shirt though it wasn't at all necessary. But it would have been weird to people to see him in a tee-shirt with the chill wind which was blowing on the beach. Yet Jacob's body heat still managed to radiate through the shirt and I liked to feel it on my cheek.

We were silent again. I liked these comfortable silences between us, when not talking wasn't awkward. It was like we were detached from the world. We were in our little bubble of love and nothing could reach us. Nothing but a wet dog with sandy paws which seemed so excited you couldn't scold her when she was ruining your pants. Jacob pushed her away with his hand.

"Bells? I wanted to ask you something."

"Yes? What is it?" I asked, curious.

"Maybe it's something stupid but…is it dangerous for the baby that we're having sex so much?"

My mouth fell open with surprise because I never thought Jacob would worry about something like this. I didn't even think that such a question could pop into his head. I always kind of assumed that when a man wanted to have sex there wasn't anything else that counted. I had evidently been wrong when it came to Jacob. Sure he liked, even loved, to have sex but the baby's health was more important to him. It was nice to know it.

"I honestly don't know, Jake," I responded. I couldn't help the smile on my face when I thought that Jacob really cared a lot for something –someone- who wasn't even born yet. "But I think the doctor would have warned us if there was a risk. I'll ask her on Wednesday if you want."

Jacob nodded then squeezed my hip, pressing on the waistband of my pants. They already were a little bit too tight for me but with Jacob's hand pressure on them it was a little hard to breathe correctly. I winced silently. I really had to go shopping.

I gently took Jacob's hand off my waist to put it back in my own hand, like we were at the beginning.

"Look!" Jacob exclaimed suddenly, pointing at something behind me. I turned around quickly but there was nothing. I turned back to Jacob to ask what he'd seen but his face was closer than expected and, before I could utter one word, he sealed his lips to mine.

"There wasn't anything, right?" I asked, smiling. Jacob shook his head to say that 'no', there hadn't been anything there. "You're an idiot."

Jacob pouted at the mild insult, disappointed that I didn't enjoy his surprise kissing. I brought my lips back to his and went farther than him, my tongue claiming entrance to his mouth. He obliged eagerly and when I broke the kiss, I was panting.

"You're an idiot but you're _my_ idiot," I whispered with a smile. Jacob smiled back the smile that I liked. Jacob was smiling almost all the time today and it was a real pleasure just to look at it.

"Beta! Here!" Jacob shouted. It startled me and I looked around, scanning the beach to see where the dog was. She was already far away from us, speeding towards a group of teenagers who were sitting around a fire. Jacob's shouting had absolutely no effect on the dog.

"This dog is as stubborn as its owner," he sighed, which cost him an elbow in the ribs. "Though the owner is far lovelier than the dog," Jacob added and he was instantly forgiven for his teasing.

"At least she likes children, it's good to know," I stated, pointing at the dog which was seeking strokes and food from all the teenagers. "I just hope the baby's not going to get my mom's allergy."

It abruptly hit me that if the baby was allergic to dogs I would have to give up Beta. Jacob made a strange face, looking at me as if I was ill or something.

"Bella? The baby's mine, right?"

"Of course he is!" I exclaimed, a bit shocked that he'd asked the question.

"So it's not gonna be allergic to dogs."

Oh, right. Sometimes I could be stupid, too. How can a child with werewolf genes be allergic to dogs? I felt lazy today but my brain took a day off, too.

We walked near to the group of teenagers to get the dog back before we could head home. The day light was already fading and it would soon be dark outside.

"Do you remember when we used to act like them?" Jacob demanded, titling his head towards the teenagers.

"What? The bonfire or the making-out?" I asked when I caught sight of a couple who certainly thought they were well hidden behind a rock, though it wasn't the case at all.

"Both." Jacob grinned as we arrived next to the fire. He got a grip on the dog and put the leash back on. The dog whined a bit but Jacob hushed her before apologizing for the disturbance.

"Oh, hello ma'am," someone said suddenly and I scanned the group closely to realize that most of them were my high school students.

"Hello," I replied, blushing slightly. The girls weren't very good at feigning not ogling Jacob and it upset me. "Well, see you at school, then. Bye."

I took Jacob's hand in mine, stupidly feeling the need to stake my claim on him, and we turned around to go back to the car. I felt very self-conscious, knowing that all the teenagers were looking at us. It shouldn't have bothered me; there wasn't any law stating that I couldn't take a walk with my husband. Yet, I was pretty sure that, by noon tomorrow, everybody at school would be talking about us and it was going to embarrass me. Jacob chuckled next to me.

"D'you wanna know what they think of me?" he asked.

"Just because you have super-hearing doesn't mean that you have the right to eavesdrop on conversations. Besides, they're my students so I definitely don't want to know their opinion of you."

Jacob shrugged, maybe a bit disappointed not to be able to say that the girls thought he was perfect, cute, hot or whatever their praises were. Then rain began to pour on us and this time I was the one who pouted, realizing that we would be soaking wet by the time we'd reach the car. I sneezed and Jacob stared at me as if I had an incurable disease. He held my hand tighter and we ran to the car. No, we just attempted to because after a few steps I tripped on my own foot and almost fell on the sand. Jacob prevented me from falling then threw me on his back to carry me piggybacked to the car.

"I don't want you to get ill or to get injured," I heard him say. I closed my eyes then nudged my head against his warm neck, not able to prevent the giggles that escaped my throat.

***Evening**

I liked the quilt I was wrapped in. Not because it was warm or because it was pretty. Sure, it was pretty, all embroidered with Quileute symbols. But what I liked about this quilt was that it'd been Jacob's since he was a kid. Jacob's scent had become an integral feature of the quilt and I loved breathing this smell, especially when Jacob wasn't next to me. And he wasn't next to me right now.

"Jake, hurry!" I shouted when the opening credits of the movie appeared on the TV screen.

He entered the living-room in a matter of seconds and I got up so he could sit down on the couch. He was actually half-lying half-sitting because I was lying between his legs and he was so tall for the couch there was no way we could both lie on.

Jacob put the quilt above us and I felt like I was in a sauna. I grabbed my bowl of chocolate mousse. I had made it when I suddenly had a craving for that after we got back from the beach.

"Why did you get only one spoon?" I asked, while on the TV screen, Mr. Bennet announced the arrival of Mr. Bingley. God, I liked _Pride and Prejudice_.

"Because you're so greedy when it comes to chocolate that you wouldn't have left me a mouthful. So I'm feeding you. Here, open your mouth."

I laughed when I saw Jacob's hand presenting the spoon in front of my mouth, as if I was a child. I obliged his request and by the time Jane was sick and staying at Mr. Bingley's with Lizzy, the bowl of chocolate mousse was empty.

I leaned against Jacob's body, feeling satisfied and like the happiest woman in the world. Jacob wrapped his arms around my waist, tracing smooth patterns on my belly with one of his hands. Jacob didn't really like this kind of movie where all they do is talk but he knew that I was very fond of it. He didn't even complain when I'd asked to watch _Pride and Prejudice_ tonight.

"I love you, Jake," I whispered, resting my head against his chest. I felt his arms tightening around my waist.

Jacob knew that I loved him though he certainly loved me more than I could offer. Jacob told me that he loved me every day. There wasn't a day which passed without an "I love you" coming from Jacob. Yes, I loved Jacob, I truly loved him. But a part of me ached each time I said these three words. The main part of the pain I suffered from my disastrous break-up back in high school had disappeared with time. Yet, my heart ached each time I said "I love you", like a reminder that the first boy I said it to broke my heart in millions of tiny pieces, leaving it to Jacob to make me whole again. I wanted this ache to go away but I had the feeling that it would stick with me for the rest of my life and I was trying to get used to it.

"I love you," I said again.

"I love you, Bella," Jacob whispered back, and I felt his lips brushing my hair softly.

We were silent for a long moment, watching the Bennet sisters meeting Wickham, then dressing for the ball, all in white with feathers in their hair . I jumped slightly when Jacob's hand moved from above my shirt to under it, before relaxing into our skins' contact.

Jacob kissed the top of my head then he swiftly unbuttoned my pants. My heart missed a beat. My breathing accelerated when I felt Jacob's hand sneaking in my pants to caress me through my panties.

"What are you doing?" I asked. My question was partially cut off by the low moan that escaped my throat when Jacob's other hand cupped my right breast.

"With _this_ still on, nothing much, I'm afraid," he said in a husky voice, tugging on my pants. I instantly forgot the movie; it was just a background noise now. I arched my hips and Jacob made my pants plus my underwear slide down to my knees.

When Jacob's fingers went straight to my clit a loud series of moans escaped both his throat and mine. The sensation of his fingers pleasing me was deliciously good. Jacob ran his fingers up and down my wet folds, he was circling my clit just the way I liked it while his other hand was busy massaging my breast. He knew just the way to work me and wasn't wasting any time doing so. My breathing caught every time his hand touched my erect nipple and I had lost count of the numerous "Oh, Jake" I'd sighed since the start of his naughty activities.

The moment I felt Jacob's fingers pushing slightly at my entrance was the moment my brain stopped functioning efficiently. I closed my eyes, lost in the sensation of Jacob's fingers thrusting inside of me.

"Oh God…Jake…you're so good at this," I managed to mumble between two moans. Jacob was leaving hot kisses on my neck, never losing his fast tempo in his finger strokes. He groaned at the compliment and I pushed my body closer to his, vaguely aware of the growing bulge in Jacob's pants.

The hand which was on my right breast moved to my left breast, which had been completely ignored until now. The contact of the hand on my breast brought a wonderful new feeling and I came seconds later with such a scream it made me glad we didn't have close neighbors.

"I really like this movie," Jacob whispered in my ear. He let a trail of kisses along my jaw until he reached my lips. He kissed me softly while brushing my sweaty hair, all the while still thrusting slowly inside of me.

I was too far away to come back to reality just now. I was in Heaven and I knew a stupid smile might be plastered on my face. Oh yes, I loved my husband.

"Bella, are you all right?"

Oh yes, I was more than all right. My eyes were still closed when I shifted into Jacob's arms to circle his waist with my own arms, nudging my face against his chest.

"Say something, please. Did I hurt you or…" I cut him off, raising my head to plant a hot kiss on his lips. I completely changed my position to sit on the couch, my legs wrapped around his waist to narrow the space between our bodies.

"Stop being so worried. It was perfect, Jake." I folded my arms around his neck, pulling him closer for another kiss. As I pressed my body to his it hit me that Jacob might be very uncomfortable in his jeans. I had difficulty saying "I love you" but I had other possibilities to show Jacob that I loved him.

I unfolded my arms from his neck to move my hands towards the waistband of Jacob's jeans. I unfastened his belt but he stopped me.

"I didn't do that because I wanted something in return," Jacob explained, gazing at me.

"Oh, I know. I don't feel obligated to do it. I want to."

I smiled at him before realizing that, in our current position, Jacob couldn't get off his pants. He grinned before crashing me back on the couch while he hovered above me.

"I love you," Jacob said before kissing me gently.

_I love you, too_, I thought, too dizzy and too reluctant to break the kiss to say it.

This was going to be another great evening. I really liked being married.


	11. Chapter 11

**11. My wife turned into Gargantua**

_October, 22th_

_Jacob's POV_

"Bella, if you don't hurry up we're really gonna be late!" I shouted from the living room.

A choked mumble was all I got as an answer. I sighed heavily and crashed onto the couch, crossing my feet on the coffee table. The dog immediately jumped next to me, something that Bella completely forbade.

I looked at my watch for at least the hundredth time in the last hour. Women and clothes. How could someone spend so much time selecting an outfit? I personally chose the first shirt and the first pants that caught my eyes every morning and the way they fit together was never a problem. But what did Rachel say the last time I pointed that out? Oh, yes; I'm a man.

I sighed again and the dog whined. This sound made me smile because I was ninety-nine percent sure that the dog was aware that there was more in me than my human-self. That a part of me was closer to its species than to any other. Bella's dog could smell my scent from miles away and Bella used to use it as her alarm-clock to know when I was coming back from a patrol or something like that. I remembered that Bella was very embarrassed when her mother gave her the dog. She never thought I would agree to it but at the time it wasn't something I could disagree with because I was only her boyfriend. And now, living with a dog when I was myself almost a "dog" –or so Bella said when I was getting on her nerves- I had to admit that it was pretty weird.

"Bella, that's enough now!" I shouted again, striding towards the bedroom.

The door was closed but I knew it wasn't locked because Bella knew a lock wasn't enough to keep me out of a room. I opened the door and looked for Bella. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor, her back to me. There were clothes all over the bed and the parquet flooring but Bella was shirtless. _Wow, did the closest explode or what?_

"It's just a shirt you need to wear for God's sake! Pick one at random so we can go."

She didn't move. She didn't even acknowledge my presence. I grabbed the closest sweater on the bed and I was about to throw it to her when I noticed the way Bella's shoulders were moving, like she was breathing heavily. And I heard faint sobs. Bella was crying? Why was she crying?

I hurried to her side and knelt next to her, taking her face in my hands. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. Yes, she was crying. I wiped the tears away but she jumped at my touch then got up. She went to sit on the bed, still not looking at me.

"Bella, what's going on?"

I felt stupid. I was kneeling on the floor, surrounded by clothes, my arms swinging at my sides and my girl was fleeing away from me. Did I do something wrong? I had absolutely no idea. I was feeling stupid _and_ lost.

Bella didn't answer my question. She was still avoiding my confused look. I got up and took a step towards her but she whimpered and held one hand out to tell me to stop.

"Bells, please. Tell me what's wrong. Tell me what I did so I can fix it. Is it because I shouted at you?" I hazarded.

"What do I look like?" she suddenly asked, standing up to face me. Her look was sad and angry at the same time.

What did she look like? Bella was always great when she was wearing just a bra but I knew better than to say that right now. So I tried to examine her, pushing aside the thought about sex. But I couldn't see anything wrong, except…except the fact that her pants seemed to have suddenly been taken in and that her breasts were so big I didn't think they could possibly get any bigger.

"You look…pregnant."

"Exactly! And none of my shirts fit anymore!" she exclaimed, sinking back on the bed, new tears coming from her eyes.

"That's okay, honey. It's normal," I tried to reassure her, lying on the bed beside her. This time she didn't push me away. The problem was the clothes then. I was relieved it wasn't something I had done. The only thing that felt weird was that Bella never seemed to have problems with her clothes until today. I didn't know a lot about pregnancy but I couldn't believe that her belly grew so much in only one night. She must have been uncomfortable for days and days and I was pretty sure she hadn't say anything because she didn't like the fact she was putting on weight.

"Since when do your clothes not fit?" Radio silence from Bella. "Bella?"

"Last Sunday?"

"Don't lie." I always knew when she was lying. There was an edge in her voice, a shrill tone, and a pause before she spoke that told me she wasn't telling the truth. And Bella wasn't telling the truth right now. She sighed then sat upright.

"One week or so. And don't tell me I should have told you earlier. I just don't want to buy clothes which'll make me look fat."

"You don't have a choice, Bella! You want to be comfortable, right? You want to be able to breathe right instead of complaining all day long that your clothes are too tight, right?" Bella nodded unwillingly because she knew that she was wrong and she wasn't going to win this argument. "I know you think you're fat but…"

"I am fat!" she exclaimed, cutting me off. She stood up to show me her profile and even for human normal eyes it was impossible not to see her bulging belly. It wasn't really big but you could discern that it wasn't the way her stomach should normally be. I thought it was cute.

"You're not fat," I assured her, standing up and folding my arms across her belly to pull her against me. "You're pregnant. People can see that you wouldn't be _that_ fat if there wasn't a good reason. You're having a baby. It's time to act like it."

I felt Bella nodding against my chest, still sobbing but gradually coming to her senses. We stayed like this until I was sure she wasn't crying anymore. Then I pushed her away gently because we really had to go. I couldn't be late to work this afternoon.

"Get a t-shirt from Kim's. I'm waiting in the living room."

Bella nodded and I kissed the top of her head in encouragement before leaving the room. Kim had given Bella some of her maternity clothes, saying that she wouldn't need them anymore. It was very kind of her but I knew that Bella had been a little bit embarrassed and that, though she didn't want to buy this type of clothes she wanted to have her own. Bella's train of thought was sometimes a bit disconcerting.

A few minutes later, Bella tapped my shoulder and I turned around to see that she was now wearing a t-shirt that didn't seem too tight. I tried very hard not to laugh because I didn't want to offend her but it was difficult. I knew if I laughed she would go back to the bedroom crying or shouting at me that I was an idiot and it was definitely not an option.

Nevertheless the combination of Bella and the flashy pink t-shirt was so bizarre. It wasn't a color she wore or even to like. Bella didn't like the girly colors. She usually preferred to dress in blue or in red rather than in purple. I hoped the maternity clothes' designers had a large range of choice when it came to colors.

"I told you. I knew it. This is ridiculous. I'm gonna wear something else," Bella mumbled, heading towards the bedroom again.

Well, it seemed that my face had betrayed me. But it was really hard not to laugh or even smile when your wife was standing in front of you in a pink shirt which read "It's so warm inside I never want to get out". Oh, and I almost forgot to mention the sun shining on her bulging belly.

"No way!" I exclaimed, grabbing her waist and lifting her from the floor. If I had to carry her to the car to prevent her from changing clothes, I would. I turned around and took her coat.

"If you wear your coat nobody'll notice your shirt."

She grumbled again that she looked ridiculous, that she hated maternity clothes, and that I was a jerk to force her to go out like this. She kept grumbling until we were in the car, then she folded her arms around her belly.

"You really mean a lot to me, little kangaroo," she said to her belly. The nickname had definitely stuck. "But you force me to do things which are not pleasant at all. I wish you could make _him_ wear such a shirt," she added, tilting her head towards me. "I'm sure he wouldn't laugh as much as he's now."

I was laughing? No. Well, maybe I was smiling a bit but I really couldn't help it. When Kim was pregnant it wasn't weird at all to see her wearing this shirt but now that it was on Bella it wasn't the same. Bella flashed me a dark look as if it was my fault that she had to wear this shirt. Okay, technically it was because I was the one who knocked her up. Right. But it wasn't my fault if the maternity clothes' designers loved pink so much.

"I'm hungry," Bella chanted after a moment of silence. "I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm…"

"Yes, I've heard you, Bells. But there's no food in the car. You'll have to wait until we're at the hospital."

She rolled her eyes and pouted, whispering to her belly again.

"I know you're hungry, too but _this_ man, who's supposed to be my lovely caring husband doesn't want to give us any food."

Bella was acting like a child right now and she was pissing me off. She was pissing me off though that was something that never used to happen a lot. I knew that pregnancy could mess with women's hormones and I was beginning to experience it firsthand. Unfortunately. If she wanted to play like a child I could do it, too. So I said the first thing I thought of.

"Don't turn the baby against me, Bella," I hissed.

"I'm not, Jake. I'm just explaining why I can't get food."

"As if it could understand! And I'd give you food if I could!"

"Whatever," Bella responded in such a British accent I stared at her with surprise.

Where on Earth had she learned to talk like this? All this literature she studied at college and she was teaching was filling her head with nonsense. I refused to continue this ridiculous conversation. I parked the car in silence. We were late but Bella didn't seem to mind. She was more preoccupied by holding her coat tight to hide her shirt.

We went to sit in the waiting room of the obstetrics section of the hospital. It wasn't the first time I came here. I was here for the births of Jared and Sam's kids but this time it was different. Knowing that I was here for my child, it was something else. Wow, _my_ child. I still didn't realize all that this statement implied. I folded my arms across my chest and began to watch the mute TV in front of me.

"Jake? I'm hungry?" Bella said after a minute.

I turned my head and the look on her face reminded me of that character in the movie we watched a week ago when we were hanging around with Quil, that is with Claire. What was the name of movie? Oh yes, Shrek. And there was this cat which was always tricking people with his look. Though you're pissed off when your wife is looking at you with such eyes, there isn't a thing in the world you could refuse her.

I got up and headed towards the food machine. No healthy food at all. Not the kind of food Bella should eat. Yet she was hungry so this would have to do. Bella was always hungry now. She didn't eat as much as I did but it was pretty close. I bought her some sweets, some chips, and a ton of chocolate cookies. Bella was really into chocolate these days. Last week it was apples and the week before it was coffee ice cream. It would change next week and I just hoped it was still going to be something not too difficult to find.

I went back to my seat to give her the supplies. She smiled widely and attacked the cookies immediately. Was I like this when I came back from phasing and I was starving? I hoped not but I knew that I probably was. I swallowed food so fast Bella used to look at me in disbelief. She had such a light appetite she couldn't understand I needed so much food. Now, she understood.

Bella gulped down a final cookie and kissed my cheek, pulling closer to my side. She smelled like chocolate.

"Thanks, Jake. You're the best!"

"I'm not a jerk anymore?" I asked sarcastically.

Bella rolled her eyes and resumed eating. When she had nothing left on her lap she looked at me, pleading for more food. Again? Again! She was definitely worse than me. And on top of that she was complaining that she was putting on weight! With all the food she swallowed it wasn't a wonder her clothes weren't fitting anymore. I stood up but someone called Bella's name. We turned around and Bella stood up, too, taking my hand before heading towards the ultrasound technician.

We went to a small room which was painted all in white and Bella had to lay down on a kind of hospital bed, still clenching her coat. She knew as well as I did that she would have to take it off soon but she seemed very reluctant to do so. The ultrasound technician checked something on a file before setting things ready and leaving us, saying that the doctor would be in soon. When Bella's doctor arrived, she sat next to Bella after asking how Bella felt today. Then she asked her to take her coat off. Bella pouted.

_It's just a shirt, for crying out loud!_ Plus I'd already seen it and the doctor would be the only other person to see this shirt. I kissed the top of Bella's head in encouragement until she eventually gave me her coat.

"Oh!" Bella's doctor exclaimed. "Your shirt!"

_Please, don't laugh at her, please. She's already in a bad mood, don't push her farther. Please._ Bella gave me a dark look and for a second I felt guilty. Guilty to have made her leave the house without changing clothes. Guilty because now she was ashamed and embarrassed. The feeling of guilt disappeared as fast as it arrived because it really wasn't my fault. Bella just had to get used to the idea of maternity clothes. I thought the t-shirt was funny and cute but if she didn't like this type of garment she could always buy some other things. I was sure all clothes weren't like this. Bella just had to wear the shirt for a few hours. It wasn't going to kill her.

"I had the same t-shirt when I was pregnant," the doctor added with a smile. I smiled back and Bella imitated me still quite reluctantly. "Are you ready?"

Bella nodded and then shivered when the doctor put some sort of strange blue jelly on Bella's stomach. She squeezed my hand, whispering that it was cold. I pulled closer to her to warm her body up. Bella used to say that I was better than a space heater, which was great during winters but could sometimes be a calamity during summers.

The doctor asked for silence and for a few seconds there was nothing to hear. Nothing at all. Silence. Nothing to hear but definitely something to see on the black and white screen of the ultrasound machine. What was on the screen sure made sense for the doctor but for me and Bella there were just some white lines moving in a sea of black. Was that supposed to be a baby? I frowned trying to make sense of what I was watching but it was too blurry.

And then we heard it. We heard what Bella's doctor was looking for. A tiny _boom, boom, boom._ A heartbeat. A tiny heartbeat. A heartbeat coming from Bella's belly. The heartbeat of a little human being.

"Here it is. Its heart is right here. Can you see?" the doctor asked us, pointing at a moving spot on the screen. Bella squeezed my hand tighter and stared intently at the screen, trying to see what her doctor was showing us. My face probably looked exactly like Bella's. It was hard to see anything on the blurry screen. Then, it hit me. Something was moving on its own.

I pressed closer to Bella, unable to look away from the screen now that I had seen what I'd created, afraid that if I looked away it could disappear. Bella sighed with disappointment which made me turn my head. She looked up at me and indeed the look in her eyes was full of disappointment. What was wrong?

"What's wrong, Bells?" I asked with concern. I thought she was happy to be pregnant, happy about the baby. Scared, just like I was, but happy anyway. She didn't sound or look happy about it right now. She looked like the fact that the baby was on the screen wasn't a good thing. Panic shot through me in a second. Didn't she want this baby?

"I don't see him. I don't see where he is," Bella whispered, while focusing on the screen again. I sighed with relief, kissing the top of Bella's head with a smile. She was just upset because she didn't see the baby on the screen. I should stop overreacting, even if it was just in my head. Yeah, I really should stop always worrying about Bella and what she thinks, how she feels. But I couldn't help it. She meant a lot to me, more than she could imagine. I didn't know how I would carry on if she wasn't by my side.

"Right here, look," I said, touching the screen to show her the moving spot. The doctor and I shared a small smile while we were looking at Bella who was trying very hard to see what was in her belly.

"Oh!" she exclaimed after a few seconds. A smile spread across her face and when she looked up at me again, her eyes were sparkling. She _was_ happy about the baby. I was an idiot to have even doubted how she felt. I bent down to kiss her cheek softly.

"It looks completely healthy," the doctor said, checking on a series of numbers on another screen. I didn't understand any of them so I trusted her totally.

"Is he?" Bella asked, letting go of my hand to cradle her belly. She forgot it was partially covered with the blue jelly. She withdrew her hand rapidly and I couldn't help but laugh at her clumsiness. Bella responded by wiping her hand on the sleeve of my shirt. Then she winked at me before focusing again on what the doctor was saying.

"Yes, completely healthy. I'm going to run more tests to see if you need more prenatal vitamins. How do you feel?" the doctor asked, focusing on Bella.

"I'm fine. I eat well though I feel hungry all the time."

"That's normal. You're eating for two. You just need to make sure that you're eating healthy food. It doesn't mean that you have to eat healthy food all the time," she said with a smile. "You can eat chips if you want to. Just don't eat it every day. What about morning sickness?"

"It has almost disappeared," Bella responded with relief. Yes, almost. Since last week Bella had only thrown up twice, one time last Thursday and another time yesterday morning. It was quite a relief for me, too. It was better to spend the small amount of time we were allowed together in the morning kissing and talking rather than throwing up and trying not to look disgusted.

The doctor nodded while writing something in a file. I couldn't help but be a bit sad that she stopped displaying Bella's belly because we couldn't see the baby anymore. Well, it wasn't as if it was the last time we'd see it.

……….

Bella was definitely worse than me because she couldn't wait to be back home to eat. We had to stop at a diner in Forks. Presently, she was eating her muffin as if she hadn't gotten food for weeks and I was looking at the ultrasound picture the doctor gave us when we left the hospital. Bella was thrilled about it though now the only thing that mattered to her was that I might try to steal some food from her plate. I let a sigh escape and she looked up, crumbs all around her mouth.

"What'sh wrong?" she asked before swallowing her food down with Coke.

"It's just…can you imagine we did _this_?" I responded, putting the picture on the table. I sure couldn't quite comprehend that we'd created a new life. It seemed much too unrealistic to me. I always knew we would have kids, we talked about it before getting engaged, but I never assumed it would be so soon. This pregnancy was totally unexpected and I wasn't well prepared for it.

"I can, trust me. If it was you who were getting _this_ fat, you could totally imagine it."

"You have to go and buy clothes, Bella," I said seriously though I couldn't help to chuckle at her pout.

"You know why it bothers me to buy new clothes? Apart from the obvious fact that it makes me realize I'm fat? Well, it annoys me to buy clothes that I won't wear for very long," Bella sighed, avoiding my look. Wait. Was she upset because she'd have to spend money on clothes? I was aware we weren't the richest people in the world but it _so_ wasn't a reason for her to have to feel uncomfortable in tight clothes.

"Don't you worry about money, please," I said, though I knew it wasn't going to stop her from doing so. "If there's one thing I don't want to be concerned about it's your health and everything that goes along with your pregnancy. You need to buy new clothes so you just go and buy them, okay?"

Bella nodded and gave a small smile while a slight blush spread on her face. I got up and went to sit next to her, circling her waist with my arm to pull her closer to me. I kissed the top of her head and she sighed.

"We don't have lots of money, Jake…"

"What did I just say?" I cut her off. God, she could be stubborn when she wanted to. "You need these clothes, no matter how much they cost. Now, stop worrying about this, okay?"

Bella sighed again but when she looked up at me, though there still was a trace of sadness that I attributed to the money issue in her eyes, she really looked annoyed.

"I guess I really have to go shopping, then?" Bella pouted once again and I burst into laughter, kissing her on the lips.

"You bet you have to!"


	12. Chapter 12

**12. What's it like to have a brother**

I reluctantly got into my car. I was glad to leave school, because I was always a bit tired after work, but today I would have wanted to stay later at the high school. Yet, I knew that I had no other choice but to go to Port Angeles today. I couldn't quite explain why I wasn't willing to buy clothes. Sure, I was happy that I was pregnant so getting clothes that showed it to everyone else shouldn't have been a problem. The cruel fact was that buying pregnancy clothes meant I was putting on weight and it definitely wasn't a nice thing to me.

Kim had been kind to lend me clothes until I could buy some myself. Still, I wasn't very fond of them and after my outburst yesterday morning, Jacob almost forced me to go shopping. Even though I didn't want to I knew I had to. I hadn't wanted to wear one of Kim's flashy shirts or some of her pants and I had been uncomfortable all day long. The deadline really had been pushed back as far as possible. I wasn't looking forward to wearing pregnancy clothes but I definitely was looking forward to the comfort they would bring. So I was going to Port Angeles.

There was just one more thing I had to do before leaving town. I parked my car in front of Charlie's house. I made an apple pie yesterday and I knew that it was my dad's favorite so I had decided to bring him some. But his cruiser wasn't in driveway and neither was Sue's car. Seth's motorcycle was leaning against a tree in the front yard but it didn't mean he was home. Seth nearly never used his motorcycle.

I grabbed the apple pie and climbed up to the porch to pick the spare key hidden in a fake lantern. The door opened on the silent house. It had hardly changed since I came to live here as a teenager except for the fact that now there were pictures of Sue, Seth, and Jacob next to those from my childhood. It was also clear to any visitor now that a woman lived here. The house didn't the same way it used to when Charlie lived alone. I put the apple pie on the kitchen counter then left a note to say it was from me. The fridge was just next to me and I couldn't help but to look inside to see if I fancied something.

"Looks like thieves are prettier nowadays," Seth whispered in my ear.

His voice was so close it startled me even more and I raised my head, forgetting it was still half inside the fridge. I knocked it so hard when I turned back my eyes were full of tears.

"You're an idiot!" I exclaimed, pushing Seth away from me with my hands. It didn't make him move at all.

"It's not my fault if you're clumsy," he said with a smirk before crashing into a chair, a bowl of cereal in front of him. I sat at the opposite side of the table after I had grabbed cookies from a cupboard.

"Since when are you having breakfast in the middle of the afternoon?"

"Since your dad decided I had to do the night shifts for one month," Seth pouted his mouth full of food. It was quite disgusting to look at but bad habits were hard to break, especially in Seth's case.

"My little brother, the policeman," I stated with a smile and Seth stuck his tongue out at me in a very childish way. Yet, a sense of pride sparkled in his eyes. Seth had decided he wanted to be a policeman about a year ago. He was currently training under Charlie's command at Forks Police Station. I'd never forget the face my dad made the day Seth announced what he wanted to do as a living. Charlie wasn't good at expressing his feelings but this time he couldn't have helped smiling proudly. He was surely delighted at Seth's choice and that it meant he'd done quite a good job raising Seth after Harry's death. I didn't know if it was the fact of living with Charlie which had decided Seth to become a policeman but I was pretty sure it was. Seth had always felt the need to protect other people; he was actually glad to be able to fight vampires and to eradicate them when they were threatening the population in the Olympic Peninsula. It just made sense that he wanted to get a job where he could help people more.

"I'm not little. I'm actually taller than you."

"On that aspect, okay. But for the rest, you still are little."

Seth stuck his tongue out at me again, this time also throwing some cereal in my direction. I threw some back at him but he avoided them better than I did. He then yawned noisily, stretching his arms above his head. With the night shifts plus the patrols, he really might not be able to get all the rest he needed. Maybe I should talk to Jacob about this and made him ask Sam if Seth could have less patrols to run. No, this would piss Seth off because the guys would make fun of him. Seth wasn't a kid anymore; I had to realize this and to act accordingly.

"What are you doing here anyway? Don't you have a house of your own?"

"I brought some apple pie," I responded, pointing at the plate on the counter behind him. "But if you don't want me here I'll take it back and leave." I actually stood up and crossed the room to get the plate but Seth was faster than me. The apple pie was in his hands before I could take one step.

"No, you can stay. I love your pies." He took one slice of it then swallowed it quickly, not even enjoying it. I knew I had to ask him not to eat it because he wasn't going to leave any for Charlie and Sue.

"I brought it for Charlie so don't eat it all."

"If I eat it rapidly he'll never know you brought it and he won't be disappointed," Seth replied with a shrug and a smile. He took another slice and was about to bite into it when I leaned across the table, attempting to get it back from him. He laughed loudly, extending his arms above his head, which put the apple pie out of my reach.

"Give it back, Seth. Be nice."

Seth shook his head and moved away from me. He was still laughing, apparently delighted to see that he was acting like an idiot. God, he really was taller than me. I ended up slapping him on the chest while jumping slightly, hoping that one thing or the other would distract him so I could get the pie back.

"Seth! Give it back!"

"Well, well…I thought you two were grown-ups, not kindergarteners." Sue appeared in the kitchen doorway, a smile on her lips. I was pretty sure the sight we looked hilarious right then. I couldn't help it; being with Seth brought out the child in me.

I blushed at the thought that we were like acting like two idiots but never forgot that Seth still had the apple pie. I tried to grab it once again but this time I lost my balance. This made Seth forget the apple pie. He threw it on the table and his arms shot around my waist before I could fall to the ground. When you're as clumsy as I am, it's really a good thing to belong to a family full of werewolves with sharp reflexes. I gasped loudly when Seth's arms pressed on the waistband of my jeans, winding me.

"Are you all right, Bella?" Sue asked with concern. I was a bit breathless but apart from this, I was okay.

"Yes, I'm…fine."

"You know her, mom," Seth added with a grin. "She's so clumsy she would manage to hurt herself with a pillow."

Both Sue and I shot him a dark look but he didn't seem to care about it. Instead, he gave his mother a hug before kissing her cheek softly. At least Seth was a man who wasn't ashamed to be affectionate to his mother. It had to be something in the Quileutes' blood because Jacob's attitude towards his father was almost the same, apart from the kisses on the cheeks.

I took advantage of this distraction to grab the plate of apple pie, giving it to Sue after she managed to extricate herself from her son's embrace. Seth pouted when his mother put the pie in the oven then he yawned before mumbling something about going back to his room to sleep. Seth was like Jacob. He didn't stop living with his mother though he could have moved out. He just didn't feel the need to go. But he made a point to pay rent to Charlie. It made my dad a bit uncomfortable but I suspected it was all about Seth's pride to pay it.

"I guess I should go, then," I suggested reluctantly. I had forgotten I had to go to Port Angeles. This was a quality both Seth and Jacob shared: the ability to make me forget my problems.

"Are you already tired of living with Jacob?" Sue asked, noticing the lack of enthusiasm in my voice. How could I be tired of living with Jacob? He sometimes acted like a big child but if Sue knew what I did with Jacob when we were alone, she would never have asked this question. Living with Jacob was the greatest thing I had ever experienced. I'd never be tired of it. I was sure of this.

"I'm not going home. I'm going to Port Angeles," I clarified. "I have to buy new clothes."

Sue nodded and was about to say something when Seth erupted into the kitchen again, fully awake. He seemed to have some difficulties trying to hold back his laughter. If he was going to say what I thought he was going to say it would end very badly.

"I knew you looked oddly fat," Seth managed to say before bursting into laughter.

"You're a jerk!" I shouted, rushing to his side to slap him. I heard Sue asking us to calm down but before I could decide not to listen to her Seth crushed me against his chest. Everything went black for a few seconds then my head stopped hurting and Seth released me from his quick yet powerful hug.

"I was just kidding, Bella," he said with a smile, tapping my back. "You're not fat…at least not yet."

I refrained from the desire to smack him, deciding for once to act like the grown-up I was. Besides, Seth had borrowed so much from Jacob when they were kids that most of the time now they sounded and acted the same way. It meant that they were really sweet and caring but that they acted like total morons when they wanted to.

I shot another dark look at Seth when an idea popped into my head. Jacob couldn't come with me to Port Angeles because he finished work later than me but it didn't mean that I had to go alone. It would be funnier and more enjoyable if Seth could come with me.

"Do you want to come with me, Seth?" I asked and his smile disappeared suddenly.

"You want _me_ to go _shopping_ with you?" he demanded in disbelief and this time I was the one who smiled. Put like this I had to admit that it wasn't very appealing.

"Shopping and we can get something to eat, too. If you want."

Seth seemed to be weighing the pros and cons of my suggestion while Sue and I were looking at him, smiling. He should know that shopping was a much of a torture to me as it was to him.

"Okay," he finally agreed. "I'm coming but I get to drive and to choose where we'll eat."

"Thanks, Seth!" I exclaimed with a big smile. All of a sudden I was feeling like a huge part of the burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I hugged him and he mumbled something about being too nice but hugged me back nevertheless.

We said good bye to Sue then we headed outside towards the car. I threw the keys at Seth and he grabbed them with such ease it discouraged me. I really was one of the clumsiest persons in the world.

* * *

I didn't know there was such a wide range of choices when it came to maternity clothes. I thought there were only pink t-shirts which would hide all my body and make me look like a huge piece of candy. I was wrong. The store in Port Angeles had so many cute clothes it lifted another burden from my shoulders. I could buy maternity clothes which were black or white and which were even sexy. Yet, I didn't like trying on clothes because it was such a waste of time. And when I read the tags on the pants it made me realize that I _had_ put on weight. Hell, why couldn't I be pregnant and keep my belly flat at the same time?

I was now in a dressing room, looking at the mirror to see if the orange blouse I had on looked good on me. We'd been here for less than one hour and none of the clothes I had tried disappointed me. I was quite glad of it. Seth even said that the blue long-sleeve top I put on just before this one was great and that I looked very pretty in it. What I had to do now was to select the clothes I would buy. The orange blouse would certainly go back to La Push with me; I had a crush on it, if someone could have crushes on clothes. I couldn't buy all the clothes I had picked because it would be too expensive. Jacob said that money shouldn't be an obstacle yet I couldn't help to worry about it. We weren't poor but we weren't rich either. Paying for Billy's treatment and everything was kind of ruining us though I knew I definitely hadn't the right to complain about that.

We would have to buy a lot of stuff for the baby, things that we really needed to buy, expensive things. I knew they were expensive because I had googled some of them and their prices scared me so much I never looked them up since then. I surely wouldn't need tons of clothes, I could make some saving on this aspect, no matter what Jacob said.

And speaking of him…my phone vibrated in my bag and I grabbed it, smiling when I saw the caller ID.

"Hey you," I said and I was sure the smile I had on my face could be discerned by the way I was talking.

"Hey you," Jacob responded. "I just got home from work. I'm calling to get some news before going on patrol."

"Believe it or not, I actually like these maternity clothes."

"You do?" Jacob asked in disbelief and I heard some background noises as he opened what I supposed was the fridge door. "Are you still the same Bella I talked to this morning?"

"Yes, I am. If you saw the orange blouse I have on right now you…"

"You're in a dressing room?" Jacob asked, cutting me off. "That's interesting." I couldn't help but smile at this. This man's got sex in his brain. I couldn't really blame him for that because I was feeling exactly like him. I kept on telling myself it was because my hormones were messing with my body but I knew it wasn't just that. I loved Jacob's body and never was tired of it.

"Nice thought, Jake. But I'm in a public place and Seth is just on the other side of the door so…"

"The kid's with you?" Jacob cut me off once again. This time there was an edge of annoyance in his voice and what sounded like jealousy. Jacob had been jealous of Seth for years because we had a special relationship and Jacob felt excluded from it.

"Don't call him a kid and don't be jealous. You're being ridiculous, Jake. Seth's with me because I didn't want to come alone and you couldn't. If I had had a choice I would have chosen you."

Jacob grumbled something but I couldn't hear what he said. I heard the noises of dishes being pulled out of cupboards and on a table.

"When will you be home?"

"I don't know. I'm almost done with the clothes but then we're going to get some dinner. I'll be home in two hours or so, I think."

"Okay, see you there, then." I knew he was about to hang up so my last words rushed out of my mouth.

"Jake, wait, please." I waited for a few seconds and when I was sure he was still there I spoke again. "Please, don't be mad because of Seth, you really don't have to. You're my husband but he's my brother. I just like to be with him. It doesn't mean I prefer him. You know I…love you, Jake." I felt a pain in my chest when I said these words and took a deep breath to erase it.

"I love you, too," Jacob said in a calmer voice. He always liked it when I said that I loved him because he knew I really meant it. I wouldn't inflict the pain it was causing just for fun. "Have fun with the…Seth."

"Be safe, Jake."

I hung up with a sigh before focusing on the other clothes I had to try on. I unbuttoned the blouse but let it hang loose on my shoulders when I moved slightly and saw my profile in the mirror. Oh, I was getting fat but now I could really see that my belly was growing, too. That was nice. I touched it softly with my fingertips, trying to realize there was someone in there, a little someone who was making me fat but that I definitely couldn't blame for that. Then I heard a loud knock on the door of the dressing room and Seth opened it without any invitation.

"I found a dress for you!"

"What the hell?" I exclaimed, pulling the garment close to my chest to hide my breasts. "I'm almost naked, Seth!"

"It's not like I've never seen it before," Seth said with a huge stupid smile. He handed me the dress he wanted me to try but I was too preoccupied by my blush to make any movement at all. Why did he always have to remind me of the stupid things I did when I was younger? "C'mon Bella, it's okay, it's just boobs."

"Maybe but you're not supposed to see them, never. And take this dress back," I finally managed to mumble. "I don't need it."

"I think you do. It's a great dress and I'm sure Jacob'll love it."

"I don't have enough money for it. It's not necessary." I couldn't believe he forced me to say that. I was ashamed enough of it when I talked about it with Jacob but admitting that I hadn't enough money to someone else wasn't the same, even though it was just Seth.

"I don't care. I'll pay for it. It's a present."

I looked at him in disbelief but I knew I had nothing left to say. Seth was determined to get me this dress and there was nothing I could do to make him change his mind. I sighed, then tried the purple dress which was actually really great. Then I selected the outfits I wanted to buy while Seth paid for the dress for me. God, I didn't like that. I didn't like him spending money on me for something I didn't really need.

I gave my clothes to the cashier who kept on throwing glances at Seth. She was clearly trying not to look like she was ogling him but he was well aware of it and he seemed to enjoy that very much. The cashier looked a bit disappointed when I came to Seth's side and he slid one arm affectionately around my waist. She put the clothes in bags and handed them to Seth while I paid.

"I gave the bags to your boyfriend," she added in my direction and I nodded, not bothering to correct her. It had happened so many times before that I knew it was useless to try to deny it. Nobody believed us when we said we were brother and sister.

"Oh no, she's got a husband of her own," Seth corrected her. "I'm just her single brother," he added with a wink and the cashier blushed, along with me. Couldn't he stop embarrassing people? I pushed him out of the store while he said a hasty good-bye to the poor girl who was even redder than I was. Seth seemed really proud of himself and he laughed until we arrived at the place where he wanted to eat.

We ordered our food and our drinks quickly. For once, Seth wasn't the one who ordered the largest amount of food. It was scary how much I could swallow in a day. No wonder I was putting on so much weight. A few days ago I began to be afraid that I was so hungry because I was having twins. Fortunately, that wasn't the case. So, I was only a woman who was having the child of a werewolf and maybe _this_ was having consequences on my hunger.

Our drinks arrived and we drank them in silence before I became embarrassed by the way Seth was looking at me.

"What are you thinking of?"

"Just trying to realize that you're gonna have a baby. It seems so…unreal," he admitted with a smile.

"Yes, I know. It's a bit unreal for me, too. It wasn't planned you know."

"I guess it wasn't. But the two of you have been living in sin for so long it's not a wonder it happened." I rolled my eyes at this comment. Who cared that we had sex before getting married? Besides, Jacob wasn't the only man I had slept with so, if I was following Seth's train of thought it made me a sinner even more. "You know I'm just kidding, right?" he added, obviously concerned that I was offended by his comment.

"Of course, I know! You're never serious, Seth."

"I'm working on it," he responded, trying to look serious and I couldn't help but laugh. Then our food arrived and I didn't talk for a moment. I was too busy eating it.

"Where do you put all this food in your little body?" Seth finally asked in disbelief, his mouth hanging open. I swallowed what I had in my mouth with Coke and smiled.

"I'm eating for two. I guess that's your answer."

"Oh yeah…wow. No, I still can't believe it. You're gonna be a mom." _Wow_. Nobody said this to me that way. I was going to be a mom? Oh God. Why was I suddenly feeling very hot and panicked? I took a deep breath but it just calmed me for a few seconds before Seth's next blow. "It seemed that just yesterday you were dancing topless on a bar counter."

Oh God. Now, I'm dying of shame. A blush covered my whole face and I dove into my plate, not wanting to look at Seth who was clearly enjoying the fact that he embarrassed me.

"Why do you always have to remind me of these things I did in college?"

"Because I'm your brother and I wouldn't be doing a good job if I wasn't trying to embarrass you."

"You're an idiot," I muttered but he squeezed my hand and my anger disappeared in an instant though the shame was still there. "Oh Seth, I'm so sorry you had to see all of this while you were just a kid."

"It's okay, I enjoyed being with you. You gave me some of the college experiences I would never have without you. Do you remember the time we played Truth or Dare and you kissed this g…"

"Shut up, Seth!" I exclaimed, blushing again. He burst into laughter and I couldn't help but follow him because it had been a pretty embarrassing time but a so funny one, anyway.

I was glad his patrol schedule was designed to avoid him having to phase at the same time as Jacob. When it did happen, I knew Seth was very careful not to think about the things I used to do in college. I would have died of shame if Jacob knew them. It's not that I was really ashamed of them. I was more embarrassed than anything else. I did pretty stupid things when I was in college though I wasn't the only one so it kind of eased my embarrassment.

Seth tried to stop laughing because it was giving him hiccups but I was laughing so hard that every time he seemed on the verge of calming down he just burst into laughter once again when he looked at me. People around us were staring, some in disapproval, some actually trying to hold back a smile but I didn't care. Tears were rolling down my cheeks at the memory of that Truth and Dare game. I liked spending time with Seth. It made me feel like a teenager all over again.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N Whoever finds the reference to fanfiction in this chapter first gets a huge virtual hug and a surprise ;) Enjoy.**

**13. Time Apart**

**_Thrusday, October, 30th._**

**Bella's POV **

Normally, my writing class took place once a month on a Friday night in Port Angeles. But this week, some of the members couldn't make it for some reason and it had been postponed to tonight, a Thursday night. A Thursday night when I already had something else scheduled. Well, I was a modern woman so I could deal with unexpected rescheduled things.

I had called Angela to say that I would be a bit late at the bar but she reassured methat it was perfect because she had a meeting in the late afternoon which would certainly go on and on forever. Yet, we were finally going to have the dinner we had postponed so many times.

I liked going to this writing class because a lot of the members were my friends. I had signed up for this class a few years ago when I went to teach in Port Angeles and I needed something to take me away from my work for the high school and from Jacob. I had thought it wasn't really healthy to have just my job and my boyfriend in my life, though a life completely dedicated to Jacob –or more precisely to Jacob in my bed- was a quite appealing one. I had found this class through one of the teachers in the high school I worked at and I had liked it immediately. It was one thing to like great books but it was another thing to create my own stories. I had learned how to do it right and, now that I had realized I wanted to write my own book, I felt ready to unleash my imagination.

I just had a blurry idea of what I wanted my book to be about and most of it was still in my head. I had hardly anything written down. I needed to find the right characters, the right setting, and the right plot. I wanted something original but isn't this what every author's looking for? I wanted to write something I would take pleasure to read over and over again. I wanted to write something which'd make me proud.

I mentioned my idea to some of the girls in the group and they had been quite excited about it. They had all said that they were sure I would do a great job before offering their help if I needed something. I liked these girls; they were great though the older members of the class sometimes wished we would just quit. When we were talking together, or I should say gossiping, something I never thought I would enjoy doing, they acted like we were just getting on their nerves. So much for respect.

The class wasn't as crowded as usual because not a lot of people had managed to re-arrange their schedule. It thus finished earlier than it was supposed to and I went to wait for Angela in the bar where we had agreed to meet. I was craving for food though I had eaten cereal bars during the whole writing class. Yet, I decided to make my body listen to my brain and I blocked out my hunger. I didn't want Angela to believe I was a pig. Maggie had decided to come and wait with me. She never missed an occasion to get a couple of drinks with me though this time she would be the only one drinking.

Maggie was one of the friends I'd made at the writing class; one of the closest I had. She even was a teacher in the Port Angeles high school I used to work at before I got married. She was a History teacher and she was obsessed with Abraham Lincoln.

"Who are we waiting for?" she asked for the third time, glancing at her watch.

"I already told you. A girl I went to high school with."

"Oh, right." She was silent for a minute before looking up at me again. "Don't you want an ice cream?" she asked, scanning the menu put on our table. Jacob sometimes said that I had random trains of thoughts but Maggie was easily as good as I was on this aspect. I was about to say that I wanted to wait for Angela to begin eating because I thought it was rude to begin without her but my stomach protested. Dammit! Why was I always so hungry? I was going to bankrupt us because of food. I never complained about the fact that Jacob used to eat for an army because he needed to. My light appetite made up for his but, now that I was pregnant, I was desperate at all the food I had to buy to keep both of us, actually the three of us, satisfied.

"Why not?" I finally said, surrendering to my hunger. We ordered the ice cream and resumed drinking, Maggie her cocktail and I my Coke. I didn't know why but, these past few days, the only thing apart from water that I wanted to drink was Coca-Cola.

Behind us, the door of the bar opened and a cold draft entered the room, making me shiver. Maybe eating an ice cream in late October wasn't the best thing to keep me warm. Then I felt someone touching my shoulder and I jumped in my chair with surprise.

"I didn't know I was _that_ scary!" Angela exclaimed with a smile before sitting in the chair next to me. Maggie burst into laughter and I managed a small smile, slapping myself mentally for being so sensitive.

"I'm a bit sensitive these days, that's all," I pouted with a shrug, which made the two girls laugh. "Angela, this is Maggie, we used to work together."

"Hi, nice to meet you. It's pretty chilly today for an ice cream, don't you think?" Angela asked, pointing at the plate in front of me. "I'm sorry I'm late, by the way. That meeting went on _forever_! I thought I'd never be able to leave!"

"What do you do?" Maggie asked and I realized with shame that I didn't know what Angela did for a living. We had talked a bit on the phone but I had never asked her what her job was. Or maybe I did but I couldn't remember the answer.

"I'm a journalist. I work for a newspaper here in Port Angeles. I just began two months ago."

"My cousin's a journalist, too," I said with a smile _and_ a blush. "I'm sorry I didn't catch up with you earlier, Angela. When we first met I said I would and then my life got pretty busy and every time we could have met I postponed…"

"Oh, that's okay!" Angela exclaimed with a bright smile. "I'm sure that having a husband must keep you busy all day long. And not just because of the cooking or cleaning." Maggie giggled at this comment as if she was a teenager. I couldn't help but chuckle because it was entirely true. Angela hadn't been with us for more than ten minutes but it already felt like she had been there for hours and we never stopped seeing each other during all these years. It was easy being friend with this new Angela.

"Speaking of him…where is he?" Uh? I was confused. Who was she talking about? "Your husband, Bella," Angela added, like it was obvious. "I assumed you would have brought him with you." She was talking about him as if he was a dog or something. Without knowing it, she couldn't be more right. Jacob _was_ a dog, civilized maybe, but still a dog.

"We don't spend all our time together." _Although we'd like to. _"He's with his own friends."

"Too bad," Angela pouted. "I would have liked to meet the guy who convinced Bella Swan to stay in this rainy place." Maggie choked on her drink before we realized it was because she was still giggling.

"You don't know Jacob?" she asked Angela while wiping the drink spread on the table. Angela shook her head. "Oh God! You're missing something!"

"Maggie, please…" I said, glaring at her before Angela hushed me with a motion of her hand.

"What do you mean? What does he look like?" Angela asked with excitement, giving all her attention to Maggie. I wanted to ask her to stop talking about Jacob as if I wasn't there because he was, after all, _my_ husband and I was the only one who was supposed to have the right to fantasize about him. But I was aware that Jacob was a pretty hot guy. Even if his werewolf genes hadn't given him all his muscles and everything, he would still have been a handsome man. It wasn't the first time that my friends talked about Jacob as if he was a piece of meat so I just blushed and concentrated on my glass, waiting for the conversation to be over.

"If you want to know, he's so hot sometimes it's hard to think straight when you're talking to him. No offence intended, Bella," Maggie added in my direction. "He's an Indian, you know, so he's got this pretty tan skin, he's tall and I think he hits the gym pretty often because he has a lot of muscles. Well, I've never seen him shirtless so I just can assume this part."

"Fortunately you never saw him shirtless!" I exclaimed, trying to sound outraged but Maggie was right; Jacob had a lot of muscles even if it had nothing to do with sports. "I'm the only one who can."

"That's why I say that you're a damn lucky girl. Hey, don't you have a picture somewhere in your purse to show Angela?"

I cringed at this request not even knowing why. Sure I had pictures of Jacob in my purse and my wallet but that was private. Yet, Angela seemed quite excited to see a picture so I complied with Maggie's demand and dug into my bag to find my wallet. I had a bag too big for the small amount of stuff I was carrying around. I finally found it then handed a tiny picture to Angela. It was one of Jacob and I; his arms wrapped around me while we were on a beach. His hair was longer than now and he really was handsome, his smile stretching from one side of his face to the other.

Both Maggie and Angela stared at the little picture like they wanted Jacob to stop being motionless and to just jump out of the picture. I chuckled at their faces. I didn't like other girls ogling Jacob but they were my friends. I realized they didn't mean any harm at all. They really found him good-looking though maybe this was an understatement. Jacob was hot and he was mine. Mine and nobody else.

Suddenly Angela whistled before giving the picture back. She was grinning and so was Maggie. I couldn't help the blush spreading on my face so I concentrated on my food.

"Oh, c'mon Bella, I didn't mean to embarrass you or anything!" Angela said, rubbing my arm with her hand. "I mean you've got a hell of a husband. You're a lucky girl. I'm sure he's as great as his body looks like."

"He's great, that's for sure. I know I'm lucky," I replied in a small voice before eating the last mouthful of my ice cream. I _was_ lucky to have Jacob because, according to all their werewolf beliefs I wasn't his real soul-mate which actually sucked. That meant that our marriage, our life together, everything we planned and everything we began to build together could be destroyed by just one look.

"Maybe you could make me lucky, too. Does he have any brothers?" Angela asked with a mischievous smile.

"I've already asked this question," Maggie answered before I could even open my mouth. "Unfortunately, he doesn't have any though his friends are pretty hot, too. It surely has something to do with their Indian genes." Angela laughed at this comment while I tried not to choke on my drink. If only Maggie knew how much she was right.

"Too bad. Tell me, Bella. How did you manage to find such a guy?"

_Oh, you know. Vampires were trying to kill me but Jacob and his friends happened to be werewolves. Did you know that werewolves and vampires are natural enemies? So they had to defend me by killing these vampires and we were spending a lot of time together and that's when I realized –no someone made me realize, that maybe I could be happy even in this rainy place, even if Jacob still phases to patrol. Because there're still vampires around here, trying to kill us. You see, no big deal, happens all the time. _

"Actually Angela, you were there when I met Jacob," I responded after a moment of hesitation. It was still better than the truth. "We were having a bonfire on First Beach. We were juniors in high school," I clarified when I saw that she was frowning in confusion.

"You mean…you've been with the same guy since high school?"

"God, no!" I exclaimed and Angela sighed with what seemed to be relief. "Although it wouldn't have bothered me if it'd been the case."

"Yeah, sure but just one guy in my life? Nah, I can't imagine it." Maggie nodded at Angela's statement. That was exactly what my mother used to say when I was in college; that I should explore the world, not stick with only one man because I could end up disappointed in twenty years when I'd realized I'd wasted my life. So, that's what I'd done: explored the world though my boundaries didn't go any farther away than the UW campus. With Seth reminding me of my past college feats just one week ago memories were constantly flashing through my mind. Some were actually funny but I wished I would have not done the half of them. I didn't get along with alcohol very well.

"Still…one life time with your Jacob wouldn't bother me," Angela added playfully.

"Oh, cut it off you two!" I exclaimed, trying to look annoyed. Yet, I couldn't help but be amused. My friends were teenagers.

"Hey! We're gonna drink to Jacob, the hottest husband in this state!" Maggie exclaimed, raising her glass of wine, soon followed by Angela. I raised my glass of Coke with a chuckle. If only Jacob knew what we were drinking to. I brought it to my lips before being stopped by Angela's hand.

"Coke, Bella? Really? How old are you? Sixteen?" she scowled me, taking the glass away from my grasp. "Let's get you some wine."

"I'd drink wine if I could, Angela," I replied, suddenly realizing that she didn't know I was pregnant. I'd been sitting the whole time, my bag on my lap. I put it on the floor to rest my hands on my belly before smiling widely. "I'm pregnant, I can't drink alcohol."

Angela's eyes popped, her mouth hanging open. Maggie burst into laughter at this sight and I soon followed her. Angela was speechless for a few seconds before she realized she was gaping. She closed her mouth swiftly then gave me my glass back.

"Oh. Wow. I mean…wow," Angela babbled. All of a sudden she grabbed her own glass and emptied it in one long gulp. The wine made her face look flushed for a brief moment. She looked like me when I was blushing. "I mean…well…sorry. It just surprised me a bit. Congratulations!" she finally exclaimed, squeezing my hand.

"Thank you," I said out of habit. I couldn't remember the numerous amount of time I responded to these 'congratulations' since my pregnancy wasn't a secret anymore. That was one of the reasons why I hadn't been eager to tell everybody about the baby. I didn't like being the center of attention. Jacob said that I just had to get used to it because it seemed it was going to be like this for the six or so next months. I knew he was right though I wished everybody would stop looking at me and go focus on someone else.

"So, you really settled down, didn't you? Married, a baby. And all of this in Forks? Don't you miss the heat?"

"I got used to the cold." This was half-true. I felt cold most of the year though it wasn't as annoying as before. I had given up shorts and tank tops a long time ago. If there was one thing that I'd like more than everything else it was when we would go to California to see my mother. I never wanted to go back when we were down there. Jacob used to say that I was addicted to the sun. This was true: I was addicted to the sun in the sky plus the sun radiating from Jacob.

"Oh, and wait! You know I'm a teacher, right? Guess where I work."

**Jacob's POV**

I parked my bike next to the store, my usual spot being occupied by something huge, something which looked like a witch. Why would the store owner put something like this there? The realization hit me suddenly and I came to an abrupt stop. Fortunately my helmet was still on because I couldn't help the first tears that escaped my eyes. How could I have forgotten it was Halloween?

How could I have forgotten what day it was tomorrow? How could I have forgotten _her_? She was always in my mind, at least she used to be. Since I was married now I tended to think less and less about her. I was ashamed of it. She was my mom, no matter if she was dead or alive. She was my special woman and, though I didn't like to talk about her because it brought all the sad memories back, it didn't mean I didn't love her. I always had loved her and I always will. She would have been thrilled to see her son so happy because it was what I was. Happy. Although right now, I was pissed at myself. Tomorrow I'll bring Billy home for dinner. There's no way he's spending the whole day all by himself in his house.

God, these thoughts had almost killed my mood for the evening. All I wanted then was to be with Bella. She was the only one I could confide in about everything. I still considered her my best friend though now, for her, Seth seemed to have taken that special place. Stupid kid and stupid sibling thing. Maybe that was selfish but I wanted to keep Bella all for myself. Yeah, that's selfish.

I sighed heavily, still sitting on my bike. I missed my mom and I was missing Bella. This "time apart" thing was something good but tonight it just sucked. Well, I wasn't going to call Bella to ask her to come home because her husband was having a breakdown. This thought made me smile and brightened my mood a bit. I'm a husband. I'm Bella's husband. Sometimes, I just wanted to scream it to the whole world. God, I'm such a girl.

I finally decided to move so I got off of the bike. When I pushed the door of the store open I almost collided with little ghosts chasing each other all around the shelves. For one brief moment I thought I saw a child with my hair and Bella's eyes. In a few years, my kid will be asking to get dressed as a monster to go and claim sweets from the neighbors. As fast as it arrived the vision vanished and I was brought to reality by a warm and familiar voice.

"Hello, Jacob. How are you today?" an old lady asked from behind her counter. A huge smile was on her face, the kind of smile you couldn't not respond to.

"I'm good, Mrs. Reed, thank you. How about you?"

"These kids are giving me a headache but I'm fine. You're just coming to see the boys or you need something in here?"

"Both." Quil would kill me if I drank all their beer without bringing some for replacement. Besides, we could also use some chips. I was grateful that Bella wanted to give me a culinary education but sometimes I just craved pizza and junk food.

I rapidly grabbed all I needed, that is a pack of beer plus as many packages of chips as I could take without emptying the store supplies. I paid for them and I was about to head back to the front door when the old lady stopped me, allowing me to use the back door which would be a lot easier for me. I thanked her before crossing the store in a few strides. With all the things I was carrying I couldn't quite see where I was going but I almost knew the way by heart. I climbed the stairs rapidly then banged on the door with my foot, my hands being a bit occupied by the chips.

No one came to open the door so I waited a few seconds before banging again. This time my foot didn't collide with wood but with someone's leg.

"What are you? The chips monster?"

"Shut up, Quil. Help me, okay?" I threw some of the packages into his arms when he let me in. I closed the door with another bang.

"Hey, be careful with this door. You know it can be broken very easily," Quil complained like an old lady.

"Sure, sure." I put the beer on the floor then crashed onto the couch, which got me another dark look from Quil. He could be very annoying when it came to furniture. Yet, you couldn't say the same for the rest. There were clothes scattered all over the place, on the table, on the couch, even the TV and they sure would have needed a trip to the washing machine. I threw away the tee-shirt hanging next to my head.

"So, are we doing this contest or what?" I asked Quil when he reappeared from the kitchen. I desperately needed to focus on something other than the thoughts about my mom.

"You bet we are. I'm gonna wipe you out!" he grinned and my only response was a growl. I didn't like losing especially not to Quil, who used to boast to the whole town when it was the case. According to Bella, I had exactly the same behavior when he was the one losing. Well…maybe she was right.

Quil threw a beer at me at the same time as a joystick. Someone without our sharp reflexes wouldn't have been able to grab the two things simultaneously.

"I'm the one who's gonna kick your ass," I muttered but it only made him laugh once again. "Pay more respect to your boss, will you?"

"Wow, since when do you play that card on us, Jake?" Quil asked, that stupid smile still on his face. I grumbled in response and he punched my arm slightly. "Don't be afraid, _boss_. I'll let you win if I see that I'm better than you."

"Shut up and play."

Quil turned on the TV and the games console and we played a bit in a relative silence, elbowing each other in the ribs to try to make the other lose control. We really were kids when it came to competition. After I won my fourth race in a row, he seemed to give up a bit, pressing the "Pause" button to grab another beer.

"I'm just letting you win, just like I said," he grumbled with a grin but this time it was a forced one. He was annoyed that I was winning. I couldn't help but smile widely. At that moment the phone rang in my pocket and I picked it to see a text from Bella, telling me she was leaving Port Angeles then asking if I wanted her to wait up for me. I texted her back, saying that she didn't need to, that she could go to sleep. She was working too much and she was always exhausted, though she tried very hard not to show it.

"Sorry 'bout that. Bella."

"Oh, I know. Even after all these years you still have this goofy smile on your face when she calls you." This remark bought Quil a fist in the shoulder before we concentrated on our game again. "So…you got her pregnant, huh?"

"Yeah…got a problem with that?" I asked between my teeth, not taking my eyes off the TV screen, trying to pass Quil's virtual car. I wasn't going to be distracted by the talk.

"Nope. I was just asking. You know I'm impressed you managed to keep the secret for such a long time. Actually, everybody's impressed. How do you feel about it?"

"About what? Being able to keep it a secret? I'm pretty proud of myself," I replied, pushing his car off the track.

"No, about the fact that she's pregnant."

"Oh. You know how I feel; you're in my head every three days."

"I can't hear your thoughts, Jake." Oh, yeah that's true. I was born with the great ability to keep my thoughts in check. The guys were annoyed I didn't have any difficulty shielding my mind when I didn't want them to hear what I was thinking. It'd taken a bit of training to master this art completely but now I was pretty satisfied to have a bit of privacy even when a bush of stupid men were in my head. "Speaking of that…does it have something to do with the fact that you're Sam's s…"

Quil was interrupted by a loud laugh coming from Embry's room and we both turned our heads in this direction, forgetting about the game on the screen. I hadn't even realized Embry was in the apartment. I was too preoccupied by thinking of something other than my mom and to beat Quil. The laughter faded after a few seconds. Now that I was concentrating I could hear Embry's voice talking. It had to be on the phone, though, because I couldn't hear anyone else with him.

"He's talking to Beth," Quil said, answering my silent question. Wait. Embry's talking to _Beth_? I thought she didn't want to talk to him. She said she needed time and it'd only been three weeks. Maybe by girls' standards three weeks was a 'long time'? "She called about two hours ago and he hasn't let go of the phone since then." Once again, Quil answered my silent interrogation.

Two hours on the phone? Wasn't this a thing that only girls do? How could someone spend two hours on the phone? How could they find enough things to talk about? One month ago Beth was scared of him and now it seemed that she was telling him all about her life. I guessed that was a good thing because we wouldn't have to suffer Embry's pathetic thoughts and talks anymore.

"It's a good sign, isn't it?" Quil asked, the same hope as mine in his eyes.

"I think so. I'll just have to talk to him to be sure he doesn't scare her one more time."

"Yep. He totally screwed up everything. I never thought she would want to talk to him again."

"I guess it's hard for her to resist the bond now that she's really had the opportunity to talk to him and to know everything about the imprinting thing."

Quil nodded before focusing on the game once again. I couldn't wait to tell Bella. She would be delighted to know that her cousin seemed to be coming to terms with the imprint thing. Or maybe she wouldn't…Why was our life so complicated?

* * *

I opened the front door on a silent house. I was late, very late. The game had lasted forever before I finally decided to let Quil win a bit so he wouldn't be too pissed. Then, Embry had come out of his room to talk to us about Beth and it was worse than his ramblings about the fact that she didn't want to talk to him. He was thrilled she'd called though she was a bit shy at the beginning. Hold on a second. Beth is _shy_? By the time I left the boys' apartment I knew more than I wanted to know about Bella's cousin.

I closed the front door silently when I realized that inside, it wasn't as silent as I thought it was. There was a faint light coming from the kitchen and I could hear Bella speaking. She was supposed to be alone. With whom could she be talking?

"Bells?" I asked, entering the room to see that she was standing against a wall, cookies in one hand, the other resting on her stomach. She was wearing one of my shirts, which was so big it covered all her body from her shoulders to her knees with the exception of the top buttons, which were revealing a lot more than I would expect. She was talking to the baby.

"Hey, look; Daddy's here," she exclaimed, noticing my presence and flashing me a bright smile which couldn't erase the tiredness in her eyes. Her sentence stopped me dead in my tracks, gaping.

"What did you call me?"

"What? Daddy? You don't like it?" she asked, taking a step forward in my direction. I could hear hesitation in her voice. Did she think I was mad at her?

"No, it's just…It's the first you've called me that. It's surprised me. That's all," I admitted, taking her arm and hugging her close. No one ever called me this before and it made me realize I was really going to be a dad soon. It was a bit scary yet exciting at the same time.

"Well, you better get used to it!" she joked, extracting herself from my embrace before taking my hand to put it on her belly. It was growing pretty fast and I could clearly feel the bulge hidden underneath the clothing.

"And you're gonna be a mom," I whispered back though the smile on my face vanished when I said this, making me remember my own mom, who wouldn't be there to see her son becoming a father. I sighed at this thought which caused Bella to look up at me with curiosity yet concern.

"What's wrong?" she asked, lifting her hand to touch my cheek.

"Tomorrow's Halloween and…I miss my mom, Bella."

All of a sudden, Bella's expression changed to one of guilt. She hugged me back, her little arms attempting to circle my waist but failing to do so. I rested my chin on her head, pressing her close to me, taking all the comfort that I could from her.

"I…I forgot, Jake. I'm sorry." I had to laugh at her admission, not even knowing why.

"S'okay. I'm not proud of it but…I forgot, too. And it makes me more miserable because it looks like someday I will completely stop thinking about her and it scares me, Bella. I don't want to stop thinking about her. She's my mom and I love her but sometimes it's just too hard to think that she's not here anymore even if it's been years and that it shouldn't hurt like this."

"There're no rules for that, Jake. I can't say I know what you feel because I don't but…I guess it will always hurt a bit. She was your mom, no one could ever replace her and it's okay to be sad. I'm sure she's not mad at you for forgetting because the more important thing is that you remembered. I'm sure she looks for you from where she is and that she's proud of you for everything you've accomplished so far and everything you're going to accomplish in the future."

That was all that I needed, all the comfort I needed. Bella had the amazing ability to find the right words for any situation. We stayed like this for a long time, hugging while she rubbed my back in small circles until her breathing became more regular and her hands stopped soothing my skin. I then felt her body sliding downward. She'd fallen asleep. I picked her up carefully to carry her to the bedroom for a much more than needed rest, for both of us.


	14. Chapter 14

**14. I'm a baby-sitter and I suck.**

**_Saturday, November, 8_****th.**

**Bella's POV **

I was pissed. I was literally and totally pissed. I'd wanted to make pancakes because well, I wanted to eat pancakes even though I hadn't been able to eat this kind of food for the last two months. I'd wanted to make pancakes but I forgot to buy flour. I mean, how could I have not noticed that I was out of flour, huh?

I slammed the front door with a bang, glad that Jacob wasn't there because he would have told me not to break the house. I took a few steps before coming to a halt. Wait, am I seriously mad because I forgot to buy flour? This pregnancy was getting on my nerves. It was messing with my nerves, too. You need to calm down a bit, Bella. You're being stupid.

This whole situation was ridiculous when you looked at it but, now that I was on my way to the store I could find a lot of other things to buy: ice cream, cookies, chips. Yes, that sounded nice. I realized I was unconsciously rubbing my stomach while thinking about all the things I wanted to eat. It was a habit I acquired one or two weeks ago and I had to admit that I liked the way my stomach was growing. I was finally coming to terms with the fact that I was putting on weight because it wasn't something I could avoid. I'll never forget the look on Jacob's face when I admitted this realization to him. He would definitely have said, "I told you so" if he hadn't been afraid I would get mad.

I glanced at the sky to see that it didn't look likely to rain, which made me smile. It would be great to have a day without rain. I turned around to get to my car when a familiar voice called my name.

"Bella? Oh, I'm glad you're here!" Kim exclaimed, getting out of her car rapidly. The two kids were in the back seat, one waving at me, the other sucking on his bottle of milk.

"Hello, Kim. How are you?"

"I'm in trouble right now and I was hoping you could help me." She was speaking so fast I really had to concentrate to understand. "The hospital called and they really need me today. But Jared's gone with the men and Emily's not here, either. Could you do me a favor and look after the kids today?"

She was looking at me with so much expectation and hope that I didn't know what to say at first. She wanted _me_ to look after her kids? I didn't know if that was something I was capable of. I'd never done something like that before. A lot of girls baby-sit kids when they're teenagers but I never did it. Besides, I didn't know what to do with them.

"Please, Bella, _please._ It'll be like some sort of training." Oh, that's true. Still, it scared me a bit to be in charge of two kids for one whole day, especially when I would be doing so alone. My face seemed to have changed a bit when I realized I would have to take care of a child day after day in a few months because a smile lit Kim's face and she went back to the car, opened the back door and took her baby boy in her arms.

"Thank you so much, Bella! I owe you big for this one!" Then she gave me the boy and I held him tightly, afraid to let him fall, sure that shock was written all over my face. After that, she got a huge bag out of the trunk and put it on the ground next to me. "You have everything you need in there. Shannon might want to eat ice cream but don't let her, no matter what she says. She takes her nap at three and she drinks hot chocolate when she wakes up. Don't let her take her pacifier with her…"

"But, Kim…" I hadn't said yes, for God's sake! But she wasn't listening to me.

"And Mark, he needs someone next to him so he can fall asleep. If you sing, it's better. He'll eat whatever you want to give him, just make a game of it. Don't put him in front of the TV…"

"Yes, but Kim…" Listen to me, please! I don't know what to give them for dinner! Can Shannon watch TV or is it forbidden, too? What do I do if she screams to get her pacifier? _Oh my God, I'm not going to make it for more than an hour._

"Shannon, sometimes she doesn't want to eat. Just insist and she will. You've got clean clothes in the bag, just in case. Mark has medicine to take with his dinner. It's in the brown bag."

Kim stopped talking abruptly, probably trying to think of what she might have forgotten to tell me, her son was playing with one lock of my hair all the while. I tried to smile but I was too nervous and it ended up being just a grimace. Shannon was tugging on my sleeve now, fighting to get my attention.

"Kim, I've got to go to the store, I don't have…"

"No problem!" she cut me off, walking to her car again and getting the two baby seats out. "You can have these. Now, I really have to go. Be nice with Aunt Bella and Mom will be back tonight, okay?"

She kissed her children good-bye and climbed into her car, leaving me in my front yard with her two kids and a lot of questions about what I had to do. _Just breathe. It's going to be okay_.

I hugged the little boy once more, relaxing a bit and realizing that I really needed to be less nervous or I would stress the kids, too. After all, Kim was right. I needed to get used to having children in my everyday life. Everything would be okay. I just needed to stop being so nervous. It's all about planning things; I heard something like that in a movie. First, we needed to go to the store. Not because I needed flour for my pancakes, it was silly to be pissed because of that, but because I really needed it; Shannon would surely like pancakes. Plus, I didn't think I had everything I needed to make a proper meal for children.

No. First, I had to put these seats in _my_ car, while holding a baby in my arms. Come on. Soon you will have to do this for your own child. Right. After what seemed like hours I finally managed to fasten the belt around Mark while Shannon had already done the same with her seat. Why did it have to be so complicated, anyway?

"Don't worry, Mommy's going to learn how to do that properly," I whispered to my belly. That was a habit I'd taken up recently, too, finding it less difficult to think that I would be a mom if I referred to myself by this name. Now that my pregnancy was beginning to show it was less abstract than it'd been for the first months. I'd the feeling everything was accelerating and it was kind of scary.

Then, we were off to Forks. I was surprised Mark didn't cry when his mother left so I was anxiously waiting for the flow of tears to begin. Surprisingly, he seemed to be a rather calm child. I knew I didn't spend a lot of time with them. I didn't know my niece and nephews very well after all. Mark was very young and when he was born I was still very busy trying to figure out how I could pull everything together for the wedding and now…Well, now I had Jacob all for myself and it was enough to make me forget to socialize.

"Where are we going, Aunt Bella?" Shannon asked, her face turned to the window to watch the trees go by rapidly.

"We're going to the store so we can buy food for dinner. Do you like pancakes?"

"I loooove them! Is Uncle Jakey at home?" We all agreed that Shannon had a childish crush on Jacob because, when he wasn't there, she constantly talked about him and when he was there, she would stick with him the whole time. How could I blame her? Jacob was sweet with everyone, especially kids.

"No, he isn't, sweetie. I'm sorry." Did I just call her "sweetie"? Maybe this day wasn't going to be as bad as I thought it would, after all. "He's with your dad."

"Where?"

"They went to Hoquiam with the football team. It's about one hour from here."

"Why?" Children's questions. Better get used to it, too.

"They have a game over there. Oh, look, here we are!" I exclaimed, pointing at the supermarket before concentrating on parking the car. I got out of the car, taking the boy in my arms, very careful not to drop him. With my clumsiness, I didn't know what I was capable of anymore. As soon as Shannon was out she began to run to the carts. I ended up running after her, grabbing her arm rapidly to keep her to my side. _Don't lose the child_.

"You stay with me, okay? It's dangerous out there." She nodded, hardly interested in what I was saying. I sat the baby on the cart because, even if he wasn't _that_ heavy, it was hurting my back to hold him for too long.

"Can't I sit in there?" Shannon asked, tugging at my hand, her eyes showing all the persuasion she could muster to make me put her in the cart instead of her brother.

"My back's hurting, sweetie," I explained, kneeling to be at her level. "I can't hold your brother for a long time so he has to be sitting. But you, you can help me by taking the food out of the shelves and into the cart. Isn't that better?"

I guessed it was because she gave me a huge smile before she began to run to the store. Remembering quickly that I told her not to do so, she came back to my side. I took her hand and we headed together to the entrance.

Shannon was a great assistant when it came to buying food. I would look at the things I needed to get and when I knew what I wanted, I would tell her and she would take it and throw it in the cart. Of course, that only worked when the food in question wasn't located on a high shelf.

I was more relaxed now that everything was going all right and that the kids didn't seem to mind being with me. I was beginning to be more confident, smiling to Mark without effort and without grimacing every time he squealed about something he saw, or something with a color he liked on it, or the bracelet on my wrist that he seemed to like a lot.

I ended up buying a lot more than what I intended. If it could prevent me from stopping at the supermarket another time at the beginning of the week it was just better. I never guessed a pregnancy could lead to being so tired but every day when I left the high school all I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and sleep. Jacob thought I needed to eat more so I would be less tired but I was already eating so much it scared me to think of eating even more.

I compared the two packages of meat in front of me, not able to decide which one was better. I'd never been a huge fan of meat but Jacob was. In fact, Jacob was a fan of food in general, no matter what it was. He just needed it to be edible. Finally, I put both packages in my cart before remembering that it was Shannon's job to do it. I turned around to ask her if she'd like to get some orange juice, hoping that she wouldn't have noticed I'd put the meat in the cart without her help but no word escaped my mouth.

The place next to me where she was supposed to be was empty. She wasn't there. I turned in the other direction but she wasn't there either. I could clearly remember holding her hand just a minute ago and now I was standing alone, gaping and scanning my surroundings frantically to find her. But she was nowhere to be seen. Where could she be? She was just here! Had I just lost Shannon?

I could clearly hear my heartbeat increasing and the panic building up by the seconds. I was grasping at the cart for support, the sweat sliding down my now white face. She was here just a minute ago! I could swear I was holding her hand! I called her softly, trying not to sound panicked but failing miserably. Maybe she just saw something that attracted her eye and she was just behind the shelf. I let go of the cart to take a few steps backwards and see if I was right before remembering that, by doing so, I was leaving Mark alone, too. I'd just lost one child; I wasn't going to lose the second one.

No, I hadn't lost Shannon. I was going to find her; there was no other way. All the confidence I was starting to gain back vanished during these long seconds because I wasn't capable of looking after two children at the same time without making a mistake. I was feeling nauseated and more anxious than I'd ever been before. I began to call her louder, not knowing whether to stay where I was or to check in the other sections of the store.

Okay, so just take a deep breath, relax. Being this nervous wasn't going to lead me anywhere. Yet, it was easier said than done. I'd lost Shannon. I'd let go of her hand for one brief moment, I'd let her out of my sight for one moment and she was gone. Nervous tears were starting to build up in my eyes while I decided that I'd better go and check in the other areas of the store. My hands were trembling on the cart so that I had to cling to it very hard to keep a steady pace.

This store wasn't so big, she was surely somewhere near. Except if…No. She wouldn't go with someone she didn't know, right? But she was just four; she was just a child and she lived in a town where everybody knew everyone. Oh my God, what had I just done?

The whole place became fuzzy as I began feeling more than sick and I had to stop walking because I knew I was going to collapse. All noises around me fell away except for Mark's squeals. The boy was totally unaware of what was going on around him. How lucky he was. _He_ hadn't lost his sister. I was the one who did.

It wasn't a mall, for God's sake! If she was still in here I would have found her by now. I had to admit that she wasn't in the store anymore. Just as the realization sank in, I heard someone talking to me from behind. I turned around and my heart skipped at least three beats.

"I think this belongs to you." The woman who talked to me was holding Shannon by the hand. The little girl was crying but when she recognized me, she ran to me as I was already kneeling to welcome her in my arms.

"Oh my God, Shannon!" I exclaimed, the tears finally rolling down my face. I couldn't believe I'd found her, even if she was the one who found me. "I'm so, so sorry, sweetie. I'm so sorry!" I covered her face with kisses, not caring that there was an audience to my display of affection. I'd almost lost her and now that she was back, I wasn't letting go of her. "Thank you so much," I added for the woman who gave the girl back to me. I looked up at her and she was looking at me with reproach, certainly not understanding how I could have not watched the child better. To the woman's credit, I couldn't understand how I did it, either.

"It's okay, sweetie. Now you're back, it's okay. Don't cry," I whispered to Shannon before picking her up in my arms. She was heavier than her brother which, considering her age, was normal but I didn't care about my back anymore. I hugged her softly until we both calmed down and our tears stopped blurring our vision. I hadn't planned on buying sweets or anything but now all I wanted to do was spoil her.

"Let's go see if we can find sweets and then we'll go back home, okay?" Shannon nodded softly, her eyes meeting mine and I could see all the fear in them. The fear that she'd lost the person she trusted, the only person she knew in this big place. I'd almost lost her and I was feeling horrible about it. I was still feeling sick and my hands just couldn't stop trembling.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie."

* * *

The kitchen looked like a complete mess. Hell, the whole house looked like a complete mess. I'd never thought it would be so difficult to fix dinner with a little girl running all around the place after the dog. I'd never thought it would be so difficult to watch one kid playing on the floor while the other was still on his seat propped on the kitchen table to prevent the dog from licking his face. I'd never thought it would be so difficult to do all of this while making sure the dinner wasn't burning on the stove.

I'd also never thought it would be so difficult to make children eat their dinner. I thought Shannon would want to show me that she was a big girl and could eat all by herself but that hadn't been the case. I thought I could feed Mark and just watch Shannon to be sure she wasn't messing too much with her food. I was wrong. She seemed as stubborn as I was and she hadn't wanted to eat by herself. I had to give her spoonfuls of food just like she was a baby. Even when I told her that, she hadn't seemed to care. Maybe she was still scared by what happened at the supermarket and it was her way to make me pay.

Because I couldn't make the two kids eat at the same time –I wasn't Superman after all! Mark had begun to scream because he was getting hungry, too. When I tried to stop feeding to Shannon to concentrate a bit on her brother, she just began to scream to get my attention, and my fork, back. I was torn between the two kids without knowing what to do.

When I'd finally managed to make Shannon eat her cookie by herself so I could give her brother his meal, the little girl decided that now she wanted to eat the pancakes I'd talked about in the car. She hadn't wanted to wait any longer. I eventually persuaded her that she would have to wait until after her nap and Mark got his dinner properly.

Then Shannon decided that she wanted to hear a story before going to sleep, just as if it was bedtime. I didn't know any bedtime stories so we ended up on the couch, Shannon next to me and Mark on my lap, while I told the Cinderella tale, hoping that the girl would be satisfied. She seemed to be very pleased because after three tales her head fell on my stomach, telling me that she was asleep, just like her brother. I would have liked to fall asleep, too, but I was afraid that, with my luck, I would drop the kid and cause another incident.

I carefully put Mark back in his seat, not having a bed to lay him on and being too afraid to lay him on our own bed. Then I carried Shannon to our bedroom and closed the door behind me. I was finally, maybe, going to be able to have some rest, to sit down doing nothing, and to eat. I was starving but that was the least of my problems.

I still couldn't believe I'd almost lost Shannon this morning. I was sure it was going to haunt me forever and I was dreading the moment when I would have to tell Kim what happened.

I sank into a chair in the kitchen, one hand on my belly while the other was busing stroking the dog's head. She always was a source of comfort and today was no exception. I began to rub my stomach unconsciously, wondering if I would have paid more attention to Shannon if she'd been my own kid. I'd too many things to learn to be a good mom; I was never going to work it out.

I laid my head on the table, enjoying the coolness of the wood, and I closed my eyes for a second. I would have all the time to clean the big mess that my house was in a minute.

…….

I woke up to someone tugging on my arm. I opened my eyes and saw Shannon's face very close to mine. Had I fallen asleep while the kids were sleeping? Without locking the front door? I knew La Push wasn't a criminal place but still. Anyone could have come into the house and I wouldn't have noticed it. I was so bad at living with kids.

"You took a nap, too?" Shannon asked innocently, rubbing her eyes with her hand. What time was it? I looked up at the clock to see that it was already something past five and that Jacob, and so Jared, would be back soon. Just in time for the pancakes.

"What do you think about some pancakes now?" I asked, standing up and stretching my arms above my head, glad to see that I was able to smile as Shannon's clapped in response at my suggestion. Maybe she didn't hate me after all. "Why don't you go watch a cartoon and when it's ready I'll call you, okay?"

We went to the living room and she gave me a DVD that was in the bag with all the kids' stuff. I put it on the player and was about to let her watch _The Little Mermaid_ when Mark's cries led me to the bedroom.

"Hey, what's wrong, big boy?" I whispered, cradling him in my arms and soothing his little back, without success.

"Ma-ma!" Oh no. That was bad. I had the feeling I wasn't going to be able to make him calm down. He just woke up from his nap in an unknown place and I couldn't provide the familiar face, smell or voice he was expecting and looking for. "Ma-ma!"

"Sshh, mom's going to here soon, Sshh…" Obviously that wasn't working. I read somewhere that sometimes when you walk it helps babies calm down. I decided to give it a try and went back to the kitchen where I began to walk around the kitchen table but it didn't work either. Mark was still asking –screaming would be more accurate- for his mother.

After ten minutes of unsuccessful attempts to calm him down, all hell broke loose. The dog began barking at Mark's screams which was definitely not helping me. The barks were scaring the boy who was then crying louder and began to kick with his legs. I wouldn't have minded except for the fact that it meant that he was kicking into my stomach and so, into _my_ baby.

"What the _hell_ is going on in _this_ house?" Jacob's voice startled me because I hadn't heard him come into the house. At the same time, it was comforting to hear his voice.

I turned on my heels to face him and his face would have been laughable if I hadn't been so desperate. He looked horrified by what he was seeing although I didn't know if the more shocking thing to him was my face, the fact that the house was a total mess or that it was full of children. Yet, his presence meant that Jared was nearby and if Jared was back, he would be able to console his son.

Before I could open my mouth in an attempt at speaking over Mark's screams, Shannon ran from the living room directly into Jacob's arms, beaming to see him. He kissed her cheek softly, then wisely asked her to go back to her cartoon, assuring the little girl that he was going to come with her 'in a sec'.

"Maybe I can try?" Jacob asked, stepping toward me, his arms extending to welcome the crying child. I got another kick in the stomach, which seemed to scare Jacob as much as it was annoying me and he rapidly took the child in his arms.

To my disbelief and my utter anger, Mark seemed to relax almost instantly in Jacob's warm embrace and his screams faded in a few minutes. Well, even Jacob didn't seem to clearly understand what had just happened. The boy folded his arm across my husband's neck and sucked on his thumb.

"What's going on here, Bella?"Jacob demanded, looking around the kitchen. "Hey, what's wrong?"

I just couldn't take it anymore. This day had been awful, I was starving, I was exhausted, my whole body was hurting, and the boy had just kicked into _my_ baby, my poor baby who'd done nothing at all. I may be 26 but it was just too much to handle. I stepped forward and took refuge in Jacob's arm, the one which was still available. I pressed closer to his side and the tears began to flow down my cheeks to his shirt.

"Kim asked me look after the kids but it was just so bad! I…I…lost Shannon! We were in the store and…She wouldn't eat by herself…I couldn't handle the two kids at the same time…My back's hurting so bad…I was holding her hand and then…she was gone! I haven't eaten anything in hours…He was screaming and I couldn't comfort him…I'd lost her and I thought she was gone…"

Everything was coming out of my mouth at the same time and I wouldn't have been surprised if Jacob hadn't understood one thing that I said.

"I didn't know what to do…I wasn't prepared for it and…she didn't even wait for me to say yes and…I totally screwed up everything and…I'm going to be an awful mother!"

"Hey, don't say this! It's okay, everything's fine now. I'm here. Don't cry." I knew he was trying to comfort me but right now, it wasn't sufficient. I felt his lips brushing the top of my head and I sighed, trying not to choke on my sobs.

"Breathe, Bella. Take a deep breath and everything's gonna be all right. It was just a bad day. I'm sure you're going to be a wonderful mom. You're just scared but it's gonna be all right."

Yes, that was it. I was scared. I was scared that soon, someone was going to rely entirely on me, someone so small and so fragile that it shouldn't be allowed for clumsy people like me to be put in charge of such a responsibility.

"I'm so sorry you were alone to face this. I would have stayed with you if I knew." I nodded against his chest before feeling his body moving. He began to walk toward the living room, bringing me –or rather my body- along with him.

We both sat on the couch, behind Shannon who was sitting cross-legged on the carpet. I curled into Jacob's side, rubbing my poor stomach. I suddenly grabbed Jacob's hand and brought it to rest on my belly, feeling that I needed his warm contact. He didn't say anything but kissed me softly, really trying to comfort me as much as he could.

Then I let the relative silence sink in and closed my eyes. This time, I would really be able to relax because Jacob was next to me and with Jacob next to me, I knew that nothing bad could happen to me or the kids. Maybe I was going to be an awful mom but Jacob was surely going to be a great dad.


	15. Chapter 15

**15. Who's the idiot who invented the stairs ?**

**Thursday, November, 20****th.**

**Bella's POV **

I checked my face in the mirror in a desperate attempt at looking presentable once again. My lips were swollen but I hoped they were going to come back to their usual state soon. I combed my hair rapidly to try to get all the locks back in my ponytail. It happened to be a lost cause so I just took the rubber band off my hair and let it hang loose on my shoulders. My face was all red yet I could always blame it on the cold temperature outside if it didn't manage to get back to normal by the time we arrived at Charlie's.

Not really satisfied with myself, but really not willing to put some make-up on, I stood and smoothed my dress with my hands to make it look less crumpled. Then I put my shoes back on and headed to the living room where Jacob was standing against a wall waiting for me, his arms folded across his chest.

When he saw me, he whistled playfully, mimicking his action of half an hour ago. I couldn't help but laugh when I stepped into his welcoming arms, now extended towards me.

"You look amazing." Again, the same words, the same husky voice. Knowing Jacob, I could easily guess where this was going. "You look amazingly…sexy," he whispered in my ear, his hands coming to rest on my hips while his mouth was trailing kisses down my jaw then my neck. However, my actions were slightly different this time. Instead of a moan, which by the way really wanted to express, a laugh escaped my lips.

"Jake…Be serious. This time we're really going to be late." I tried to push away with my hands but I wasn't trying very hard and I failed completely.

"Thanksgiving means nothing to me. I can be as late as I want." His hands began their journey upward towards my breasts and, although I guess I would have given up trying to refuse him what he wanted, I wasn't the same Bella as before and I was a bit tired out by the recent effort. Besides, I didn't have any other tights so I didn't want the ones I had on to be ripped apart.

"Jake, please. I don't think I can do it another time."

"You're hurting my feelings, woman," he playfully responded, finally looking into my eyes and stopping his naughty activities.

"I'm pregnant, you big, dumb man."

"Oh that's why you look so fat! I thought you'd eaten too much ice cream." Ha ha ha. My husband is a funny man. I slapped his arm in reproach and took a step away from him, pouting.

"Just…remind me: why did I marry you?"

At this, Jacob burst into laughter and grabbed my arm to hug me once more but this time there was nothing sexual about it. He kissed my cheek softly and rubbed my back with his hands. I had to admit that the feeling was wonderful.

"Because…I make you laugh, because I can make you say stupid things, because I'm stupid but admit it; you like it. Because I'm pretty hot, because my arms are the best place for you to be and because…I love you so much I wouldn't have left you a choice if you'd said no, anyway."

This time I was the one laughing and I tiptoed to kiss Jacob's lips with all the love and tenderness I could provide.

Life was easy was Jacob. He made it so easy, so natural for us to be together there wasn't any question left at the end of the day. We were in love, even after all these years; even after all we went through to be together. We were in love and there was nothing that could change this fact. We got along so easily it seemed we were created to be together.

Our kiss was all tenderness, both from Jacob and me. That was how our relationship was. In less than an hour we could go from wild sex to chaste love without any problem. I loved him, he loved me, and nothing was complicated. I refused to think that things could get complicated.

"I love you so much," I whispered against his lips when I broke the kiss to breathe. I waited for the pain in my chest to shoot through my body when I said these words, but it was another form of pain that I felt instead. Well, pain wasn't really the correct word. It was more of a surprise and a shock than a pain.

"Oh!" I exclaimed suddenly, breaking away from Jacob's embrace to stare down at my stomach, my eyes filling with tears. I put my hand on my belly and, as if to make me happier, the baby kicked again. "Oh!"

"What's going on, Bella?"

Jacob's voice brought me back to reality, tearing me away from the bubble I was in. He looked lost and confused, obviously frightened by my behavior and unaware of what was happening inside of me. I couldn't find the words to express how it felt to feel the baby, to actually realize that there was someone inside me, someone who was alive, and someone who was moving. I took Jacob's huge hand in mine to place it on my stomach, wanting him to share this experience with me. After all, it was his baby as well as mine. The look of confusion on his face vanished when he understood what was happening and he stepped forward, his body very close to mine, until the baby kicked again, this time against his warm hand.

This was surely one of the only times that I saw Jacob speechless, with nothing at all to say, not even something stupid. He just stared at his hand like it was some kind of precious thing then he slowly looked at me and I could see all his love and his pride reflected in his eyes.

"It's…he's moving!" he finally said after the one long minute it took for the realization of what had happened to sink in. I was feeling all emotional now and the simple fact that he didn't call the baby "it" as he usually did made my tears blur my vision.

"I think jumping's more accurate. He's a kangaroo after all, right?"

I guess Jacob was still a bit in shock because he didn't even laugh at what I said. He just kept staring at me with awe, just like I was some kind of goddess, which made me feel a bit uncomfortable. We stayed like that for a long moment but the baby didn't kick anymore and Jacob withdrew his hand to hug me, making my feet leave the floor for an instant.

"You're the most wonderful woman ever!" I liked the compliment, though I doubted it to be true, but I really didn't like the fact that my two feet weren't solidly on the floor.

"Jake, put me down or I'm going to throw up on you."

My threat was enough to make him stop messing with me and, when I was back on earth, we laughed, kissed and decided it wasn't _that_ bad if we were late to pick up Billy. What had happened between us, the three of us, was just magical and so beautiful we both felt we needed a moment to be alone and to cherish it.

* * *

For the majority of the people in our family Thanksgiving meant nothing. Actually, it only meant something for Charlie and me. For Seth, Jacob, Billy and Sue it was just a normal day; there was no need to make a big fuss about it. Still, Thanksgiving was a good excuse for a family gathering and for a dinner together. We didn't really have many opportunities like this one, where we could all be there at the same time. Billy came home almost every Sunday to spend the day with us, to watch a game with Jacob and to get a proper dinner but that was all the togetherness we ever got.

Charlie and Seth weren't working together much which meant that when Seth was home, generally Charlie wasn't. Today was one of the few days when Charlie exercised his authority to get out of the police station and to give Seth his day off. I didn't know how Sue managed not to work but I was glad she did it; we were all going to be together and even if the guys would end up in front of the TV, it was great to get to spend the day with my family.

Besides, going to Charlie's meant that I didn't have to cook dinner, apart from the pies I made because they all said my pies were the most delicious they'd ever eaten. But apart from these, Sue cooked everything by herself. I just hoped that Charlie didn't offer to help her. My dad wasn't known for his cooking skills. All I had to do when we arrived at their house was to take off my coat and to sit on the couch.

"Why are you so late?" I heard Seth asking Jacob and I blushed at the thought of the answer to this question. Before Jacob could lie, or at least I hoped he was going to lie, they entered the living room and I stood up to greet Seth. "You're wearing my dress!" he exclaimed when he saw me. A huge smile was on his face, a smile I responded to. It was silly to get all excited because of a dress but Seth really seemed happy that his present finally made it out of my closet.

"_His_ dress?" Jacob hissed, apparently angry. When was he going to stop acting like a kid and stop being jealous of Seth for nothing? I glared at him, not wishing to start an argument in my father's house. The moment I opened my mouth to tell him that the dress was a present, I heard Charlie coming downstairs.

"Ah, you're finally here!" Were we really so late? Charlie greeted Billy and Jacob, who was now standing very close to me between Seth and me. He was holding my hand pretty hard. No matter how many times I told him that it was ridiculous to be jealous of Seth, that he was just someone I considered my brother, that I wasn't going to sleep with Seth –ugh, just the thought was disgusting!, Jacob just didn't seem to get it. I knew he was jealous because he used to be my best friend, the one person I could tell anything to, the one who knew all my secrets; but that was before I screwed up everything between us when we were teenagers. After I'd pushed Jacob away Seth began to become the one I could confide in and when Jacob and I got back together, the relationship that I had with my so-called brother was just too deep to be erased. Jacob was jealous of this but Jacob was my husband, the one I shared a my home with, the one I woke up next to every morning. There was no need to be jealous.

"You look great, Bella," Charlie said, hugging me clumsily, certainly afraid to press on my stomach and to hurt the baby or me. "But wow. Your stomach seems to have almost doubled in size during the last month!"

Uh, thanks? Was this a compliment? Whether it was one or not, I couldn't deny that it was true. It looked like, in the last three weeks my stomach was just growing by the second. A month ago it was almost completely flat and now it was really noticeable that I was pregnant, even when I had clothes on.

"That's just because Jacob makes me eat too much." Charlie laughed, a sound I wasn't really used to, and then Sue came to join us, bringing a tray with drinks and glasses. She invited us to sit down. There wasn't a lot of room so I almost ended up on Jacob's lap on the couch while he was fighting with Seth to get more room.

Charlie and Billy began to talk about some fishing trip they would be going to during the weekend while Jacob and Seth were rapidly talking in Quileute, something that annoyed me because I couldn't understand what they were saying. Jacob tried to teach me the language but I couldn't get it right. I was sorry about this because it was a part of his life, a huge part even, and I wanted so badly to be able to get more involved in it. I just couldn't manage to speak or even understand the language. I knew the basics. I knew how to say "hello", "goodbye" or that kind of thing but that was all. Jacob said this was already a lot and he was glad that I was interested in it because considering how much I hated everything related to the werewolves, he'd been afraid I would have an aversion for the language, too.

I was feeling a bit lost between the two conservations until Sue came to sit on a chair next to me and asked me about the baby. Sue was working in the hospital with Kim so she was genuinely interested about my health and the baby's. It wasn't just for small talk that she was asking. I didn't know if I wanted to tell her about the baby's kicks because it seemed too personal to share with someone other than Jacob. Besides, I was afraid that she would ask to touch my stomach and I didn't want people to do so.

It'd always been something that bothered me: people always wanting to touch the stomach of the pregnant women. It's supposed to bring luck, that's what they say, but I just didn't understand it. My stomach was mine and though I was okay with Jacob's touch, I didn't know how I would react if someone else was touching it. So I didn't say anything at all about it. I just said that my back was beginning to hurt all the time and that I was always tired, which was the case. Apparently, it was normal, according to Sue.

"Do you want to drink something?" she asked me after a few minutes of talking. My throat was a little bit dry so I accepted her offer, scanning the drinks on the table to choose the one in wanted. "What would you like?"

I thought none of the guys was paying attention to us but I was wrong. The moment I opened my mouth to say "Coke", Jacob spoke at the same time as me, saying "Orange juice". Sue looked confused for a second and everybody looked at us. I smiled to Jacob, knowing that he was right. I had to stop drinking so much Coke but it was so good! No, orange juice seemed to be a better option.

Yet, when I spoke again and asked for juice, Jacob seemed to have had his own little argument in his head because he spoke also, this time saying "Coke". This time, we all laughed. I knew I should have been mad at Jacob for answering and choosing what _I_ was going to drink but I couldn't bring myself to.

"So what? Do I have to pour a bit of orange juice and a bit of Coke in the same glass?" Sue asked, a smile on her lips.

"No, just give me some juice."

"If you want Coke, it's okay. I just thought…" Jacob argued with me, maybe afraid that he made a mistake, answering the question for me.

"Juice is good, Jake. It's better actually; you're right." He looked at me, bemused and I wondered what I'd said to make him look like this.

"Did you just say that I was _right_?" Okay, my husband is definitely an idiot. "I can't believe it took you so long to realize it. I'm always right."

"That's what _you_ think," Seth said with a smirk before I could say anything. I couldn't help but laugh and, to my relief, Jacob didn't even get angry at Seth's remark. They surely had a weird relationship. When I wasn't a problem they got along pretty well. After all, they were more than brothers and they could joke, laugh, and mess around like stupid teenagers. Yet, as soon as I was concerned, they spoke coldly and looked like they hated each other.

I finally got my orange juice and I had to admit that it kind of invigorated me. I needed my vitamins. When everybody had a drink, Sue said that dinner was ready so we all moved to the table. I really was starving so it was more than welcomed. Sue was an excellent cook, which made Charlie realize that he was lucky the women in his life were able to cook good meals. The guys swallowed more food than one human being could eat in a day but it had become so normal no one made a comment about it. I made an effort to control my appetite because I knew that I'd eat so much of the first courses I wouldn't be able to eat my pies and I really wanted to.

The baby kicked one more time while we were eating, which made me jump slightly in my chair but no one seemed to notice it. No one but Jacob who was sitting next to me. He gave me a curious look and I squeezed his hand under the table, flashing him a brilliant smile. He looked like he understood what happened by the smile that he gave me. It was fabulous to be able to feel the baby. It made my pregnancy less abstract and definitely real.

There were other things that made my pregnancy definitely real. There was, for example, the fact that I had to go to the bathroom every two hour or so, even if I didn't drink a lot. When Sue said that she was going to get the dessert I took the opportunity to stand up as well to go upstairs.

"It's okay, Bella. Sit down. Seth's going to help me," Sue said when she thought that I wanted to help her in the kitchen. Seth pouted like a child at his mother's request but knew better than to argue with her.

"No, I just want to go to the bathroom."

_Yes, I know. Again_, I thought when I saw Charlie looking at me in disbelief. I smiled then disappeared in the hallway, up to the small bathroom that hadn't changed a lot during all these years. There was still the same bathtub as when I lived there, the same lack of space in the room. This had been a pre-requisite when Jacob and the guys began to build our own house in La Push. I wanted a bigger bathroom than the one at Charlie's or even the one I had in my other apartments.

I heard some laughter downstairs and the sound of dishes being put on the table, which made me hurry. If I wasn't there to claim my slice of pie they weren't going to save it for me. I closed the door of the bathroom behind me and began to go down the stairs. I was very careful not to trip on my own feet. I was capable of falling on the stairs when I was in prefect physical condition so, now that I was pregnant, I needed to give more attention to each move I made.

In the middle of the stairs, I turned my head to the right and a picture one the wall caught my eyes. I didn't know Charlie had this picture there, I had never noticed it before. It was a picture of Jacob, me, and other kids when we were young. According to the russet skin of the other kids, I could suppose they were maybe Quil and Embry. I didn't remember spending time with them when I was little but it made sense. I was always in La Push with Charlie, Billy and Jacob. The guys were Jacob's best friends since childhood. I smiled at the picture, making a mental note to ask Charlie to give me a copy.

I resumed my walk down the stairs, not really watching where I was going. I thought the next stair was closer than it was and when I didn't feel it under my foot it was already too late. I was so surprised to find only void under my foot that I didn't have the reflex to grab the banister for support. I totally lost my balance and fell down a few steps, my foot involuntary taking a vase of flowers that was decorating the stairs.

I landed loudly at the bottom of the stairs, crashing next to broken glass, flowers and water. When I screamed with surprise and shock at what just happened, there was suddenly no more noise in the living room. They all fell silent and a few seconds after my fall, before I could even try to get up, they all were next to me, worried looks on their faces.

Jacob knelt next to me, preventing me from getting up like I wanted to do. His look was full of fear and of concern and I knew he was scared I might have been hurt. I didn't feel that bad except for the fact that I felt like an idiot for not knowing how to go down stairs without falling in the process.

"Don't put your hand there!" Jacob exclaimed when I put my hand on the floor next to me in an attempt at steadying myself. "It's full of broken glass, you'll get hurt." Maybe he was even a bit mad at me and I couldn't really blame him. I was clumsy and clumsy women shouldn't be allowed to get pregnant.

"Are you okay?" he then asked me, checking my fragile body to see if I had any apparent injury. "Are you hurt?"

"No, I don't think so," I replied after a few seconds. I was still sitting but I didn't feel like I'd broken anything. "Help me get up, will you?" They were all eyeing each other, maybe wondering if that was a good idea and that maybe they should call an ambulance but, really, it was nothing. There was no need to crowd the hospital just for a little fall.

"I'm okay, guys, I promise. I'm just clumsy, you know me. Please, Jake?" With that, he surrendered and took both of my arms in his hands to pull me upright. I felt dizzy with the sudden move so I put both of my hands on Jacob's arms to steady myself. Again, the look full of concern.

"Maybe we should go to the hospital."

"Oh please. It's okay, I'm fine."

"Yes, but the baby…," Jacob argued with me. I couldn't blame him for that. From the outside, I was sure that seeing me falling must have been pretty scary and he was afraid something was wrong but I was really feeling okay. My back was hurting a bit but I was sure it was going to be okay in a few minutes.

"The baby's fine, Jake. I still can feel him moving." So much for the secret. Jacob didn't seem to trust me totally on this but he knew better than to argue one more time so he let go of one my arm and we all headed back to the living room for the dessert.

That's when I began to feel dizzier by the second and I had to grab the wall to keep from falling once again. But I was fine just one minute ago! The whole place got fuzzy; I couldn't make out the faces of Jacob or even Seth or Charlie anymore. Maybe they were talking to me but I couldn't make out what they were saying. It was just a buzz in my ears.

Everything was just a blur and before I could say one word about how bad I was now feeling a sharp pain erupted in my stomach. A pain that made me forget to breathe, and a pain that made me want to scream loudly. The pain was so bad, like a stab in my stomach, that when I opened my mouth no sound came out. I bent down, my arm folded across my waist in the stupid attempt at trying to stop the tearing sensation inside of me. Then, I felt something wet on my thigh. Something that was sticking to my tights, something which smelled like salt, a sickening smell. I was bleeding. I was bleeding and I was hurting.

In the blur that was my vision I felt my body falling down to the ground and the last thing I felt before sinking into darkness was the pair of warm arms that prevented me from hitting the floor.

* * *

A/N: Don't hate me (you'll have plenty of occasions to hate me in the upcoming chapters) :) I'll update Chapter 16 very soon.


	16. Chapter 16

**16. Wake up. Open your eyes. Come back.**

**_Thursday, November 20_****th.**

******Ja**cob's POV 

Apart from Bella, Sue was easily one of the best cooks in the world. Her food today was simply excellent and, even though Thanksgiving meant strictly nothing to me- I wasn't going to thank a god that I didn't believe in for bringing people to America who destroyed my own people I was actually glad to have a national holiday where we could eat a lot of absolutely awesome food. Now that dinner was over, I was looking forward to eat Bella's pies. We used to tell her that if she hadn't become a teacher she could have earned a lot of money by selling her pies, or desserts for that matter.

From the look on Charlie's face I could tell that he'd had enough food to last him the rest of the day. I was sure all he wanted now was to sit on the couch to watch the game with Billy. As far as I was concerned, I could have eaten a lot more so the dessert was more than welcome.

Sue stood up to clear the table. I would have willingly helped her but I knew better than that. The last time I asked her if she wanted help she made me feel like I was five years old and had no business in a kitchen. That wasn't really a good thing because I could have taken her word for it and never helped Bella again. Not that I was a great cook anyway. Sometimes I tried to cook eggs or other simple things but generally they ended up burnt or not edible at all.

Sue asked Seth to help her to bring out the dessert and I couldn't help smirking when Seth made a face at his mother's request. He would always be her little boy; he would never be a grown-up to her. I knew being drafted into service was bugging Seth but he knew better than to complain about it. He was the last member of Sue's family still alive if you didn't include Charlie, but it wasn't the same. Sometimes I really resented the fact that Charlie's marriage to Sue brought her son closer to Bella.

He'd bought her a dress! He didn't need to. We didn't need charity. If Bella wanted this dress she could have bought it for herself, right? I didn't care that he gave her a present or anything; I didn't like the fact that they went shopping together. I knew, though, that Seth hated shopping as much as any other guy in the world. No, he'd shared an experience with Bella which was supposed to be mine, even if it only consisted of buying maternity clothes. Bella was _my_ wife. It was because of _me_, or rather, thanks to me, that she needed to buy these clothes in the first place. If someone had to be with her it should have been _me_. Not this stupid kid sitting in front of me.

I felt Bella's hand on my shoulder when she stood up, looking for support to steady herself. She was going to the bathroom again and, by the look on his face, Charlie thought she was taking this short trip a lot today.

"This is nothing, trust me," I said, answering some kind of silent question from him. "In the morning, it's worse." Billy chuckled at my comment along with Sue, who was coming back with new plates.

"Pregnant women go to the bathroom a lot, Charlie. But I don't think you want to know why," she added with a wink and we all laughed at Charlie's expression. Like father, like daughter. Yeah, definitely.

"I guess it's just hard to see her like this, you know? I mean…you've been married for what? Four months? You didn't waste any time, that's for sure."

Charlie shot me a dark look that I didn't really understand. Maybe he thought he was too young to be a grandfather? Almost everybody in this room was going to be a grandparent soon, Sue thanks to her link to Charlie. It wasn't like Bella and I were still teenagers. We were both adults and like he said it, we were married. Well…

"The fact is…we weren't exactly married when Bella got pregnant," I said with a conspiratorial air, a hint of a smile on my face. It wasn't long before Charlie understood my meaning and when he did, his whole face turned red while the four of us laughed out loud. I liked teasing Charlie, he was so easy to embarrass.

Just when I was about to try to soothe him a little, or at the least to give him some water to keep him from losing his cool, we heard a lot of noise from the staircase. It was the sound of something falling down, the sound of glass breaking and Bella's cry of surprise, followed by fear. We all fell silent and turned our heads in the direction of the noise. What had just happened? I was the first on my feet, the first out of the living room, the first to see what Bella just did.

Could anyone be clumsier than she was? She'd fallen down the stairs. She just had to travel down a few stairs yet she still didn't manage to stay on her feet. She didn't seem to be in pain, thought. She seemed more surprised by her fall than anything. I knelt next to her, checking her body to see if something was broken but, physically, she looked fine. Still, she was pregnant and she'd fallen down at least five steps. She could be injured on the inside. This could be bad, very bad. We just felt the baby moving this morning and now it could be over. No. It wasn't. Everything was going to be fine. Everything had to be fine.

Bella tried to stand up, not even looking where she was placing her hands on the floor. We were surrounded by glass, for God's sake! Couldn't she be more careful?

"Don't put your hand there! It's full of broken glass, you'll get hurt."

It was one thing to be clumsy, anybody could fall down stairs, but she had to be more careful. I wouldn't always be there to protect her from minor injuries. Oh God, I hope it's just minor injuries I'm talking about. Maybe she shouldn't stand up at all. Maybe I should call an ambulance? Or maybe carry her to the hospital? I knew she didn't look injured but that might not mean anything at all. My heart was beating so hard and fast from the fear that something could be wrong with the baby that I was ready to run to the hospital with Bella in my arms right now.

What Bella wanted was to be on her feet again and, as I had no good argument against this, I extended my arms to grab hers to help her stand up. The moment she was upright she lost her balance, grabbing my arms firmly to keep from falling again. She had to be bad off. She had to be injured somewhere. I just had the terrible feeling that something was wrong. I couldn't quite explain it; I just felt it. I knew Charlie was feeling the same way by the worry plastered on his face. His pregnant daughter had just fallen down his stairs and didn't seem to be able to walk by herself. She must be hurt somewhere. I had to do something.

"Maybe we should go to the hospital."

"Oh please," she protested. "It's okay, I'm fine." Yes, she looked fine but she wasn't the only one I was worried about. Not anymore. The baby was real; the baby was moving, kicking, jumping, or whatever. I had to know if the baby was fine, too.

"Yes, but the baby…"

"The baby's fine, Jake. I still can feel him moving," Bella cut me off, trying to reassure me. It worked a bit because, after all, the baby was inside of her, not inside of me. If she said that it was fine it had to be true. But Bella wasn't a doctor. Maybe I was going to get on her nerves and piss her off but I really needed to know for sure that everything was all right; that the fall didn't do any harm to either of them.

I carefully let go of one of her arms that I was still holding to retrieve my cell phone from the pocket of my jeans. Bella took this as a sign that I believed her so she began to walk back to the living room. She even apologized to Sue for breaking the vase and making a mess on the staircase. Maybe she really was all right. Before I could breathe a sigh of relief at this thought, Bella let go of my other arm to grab the corner of the wall next to her. I knew it was too good to be true.

She struggled to stay upright, which scared the hell out of me. I'd known something was wrong, Charlie had known something was wrong and we still didn't do anything right after Bella's fall. We didn't do what we needed to do.

"Bella? What's wrong?"

"Are you hurt? Where?"

"I'm calling an ambulance."

I couldn't really tell who said what but I was the one who dialed 911 as soon as Bella bent down, her arm around her waist like she was trying to hold back something. That's when I smelled it, probably at the same time as Seth did, given the look on his face. A smell which scared me more than anything else in the world. I knew neither Charlie, Sue or my dad understood what was going on, but I could, and I panicked. Bella was bleeding. She was bleeding and by the look on her face, she was hurting more than we could imagine. I let go of the phone, not even bothering to talk to the person who answered the call.

Seth and I extended our arms at the same time and we both grabbed Bella before she fell to the ground once again. The smell was sickening and I needed to be sure that Bella could tell me how much she was hurting; but when I checked her face, I saw that she was unconscious_. Please God, I know I just said I don't believe in you, but please, don't take them away from me. Please._ I cradled Bella's body in my arms, trying to block out the panic shooting through my veins at the thought of Bella's blood leaving her body.

"Bella, honey, wake up," I whispered while Charlie knelt next to Seth to check on Bella, too. I didn't try to revive her for too long. After a few seconds I was on my feet, turning to Billy and Sue, who were a few steps away from us, the worry and concern on their faces surely mirroring my own expression.

"I'm taking her to the hospital." And with this I was out of the house, without a coat, without anything to protect me from the cold. Right then, that was the least of my problems. I laid Bella in the back seat of the car then turned on the ignition to go to the hospital as fast as I could. I didn't care that I was breaking speed limits all the way. Bella was in pain, I didn't know if the baby was, too, and I wanted to be at the hospital, fast. The speed limits could always wait, for all I cared.

I checked on Bella in the rearview mirror. She looked like she was only sleeping and that was something that had always astonished me. When people faint it's because they're hurt, there is something wrong. And yet they look kind of peaceful, like everything is all right. But everything wasn't all right. If everything was all right I wouldn't be in _that _car, driving like a madman to the hospital to make sure that my wife, that my baby, were going to be okay.

"Hold on, Bells, please. Hold on."

Forks isn't a big city so the hospital wasn't crowded at all. I made a noisy entrance in the emergency room, yelling to get the attention of the first doctor I could come upon. It seemed to work pretty well because, not five minutes after parking in front of the building, Bella was lying on a hospital bed, a doctor and a nurse hovering over her. But she was still unconscious, which meant that I refused to take my eyes off of her and the doctor had to repeat his questions twice to get my attention.

"She's pregnant. She fell down the stairs and she's fainted. She was bleeding. Please, just make her wake up. Please."

The nurse unsuccessfully tried to take me out of the room so I could fill out some forms but I wasn't having it. Nobody in the world could have made me leave Bella's side. She needed me. She was my life, she was my everything and no stupid mystical bound could deny this. I held her hand the whole time the doctor ran his damned tests. At the end, he just assured me that the baby was fine. I knew he was right because I'd seen it moving on the sonogram screen. Bella didn't seem to be bleeding anymore and there was no bleeding inside where the baby was. The baby was fine. Fine. But Bella was still unconscious. That wasn't normal.

"Why hasn't she woken up, then?" I asked frantically, stroking Bella's cheek in an attempt at rousing her. _Please, just wake up_. The doctor checked on one of the numerous machines which were linked up to Bella. I didn't like the fact that she was there. I wanted her to wake up and to laugh, to smile again. I wanted her to stop hurting. I wanted her to be fine again. I wanted her to wake up.

"Her electrolytes are a bit low. They're essential vitamins in her blood," he added when he saw my confused look. I'm going to give her more. I think that's why she fainted but I can't run more tests until she wakes up. We have to wait."

And with this, he was gone. He left the room, leaving me alone with my despair. Bella needed vitamins? But she took her vitamins every single day. Bella tended to forget the medications she had to take, no wonder she got pregnant, after all, but I checked up on her every single morning and evening. It was impossible for her to forget to take her vitamins. Wasn't what she was taking enough? I sank into a chair and grabbed Bella's hand, pressing it in my own hands, so as to make the life in my arms flow to Bella's, thinking that maybe it would make her come back.

"Please, wake up, Bella," I whispered before kissing her softly on the lips. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Charlie and Seth in the hallway which made me assume that Sue and my dad weren't far away, either. "The baby's fine, Bells. He's fine. I know we don't know if it's a boy or a girl but I know that you like to call it a "he" and I will, too. I promise I will but you have to wake up. Please, for him, Bells."

I'd never begged so much in my life. I knew it might be stupid because Bella was going to wake up in a few minutes. She had to. She had no choice; she had to open her eyes again. It'd only been a little fall. It wasn't going to ruin our lives. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks but I didn't bother to wipe them away. I was surely overreacting.

"Look what you're doing to me, Bella," I said with a small smile, sniffing to stop the tears from flowing out of my eyes. "I'm sure you're gonna make fun of me for this when you see me. All you have to do is open your eyes, honey. Just open your eyes. Come back."

_Please, open your eyes. Open your eyes and tell me that I was stupid to be so afraid. Tell me it was nothing. Wake up._

I couldn't tell how much time I spent like this, staring at Bella's perfectly still face, at her closed eyelids, her hand in mine, the constant _bip bip bip_ of the machine next to me the only sound in the room. I tried to concentrate on her heartbeat to occupy my mind but my thoughts were restless. I couldn't stop thinking of what had happened, of what I hadn't done to protect her, to keep her from fainting, of everything I'd done wrong. The faint sound of a knock on the door and the creaking noise it made when it opened brought me out of my dark thoughts.

"Jacob? Can I come in?" Charlie asked and I motioned for him to come closer. He did, stopping at the other side of the bed, staring down at Bella with worry.

"The doctor said we have to wait. He gave her some vitamins but there's nothing else he can do," I said, answering his silent question. He was as scared as I was, I could see that by the look on his face. Charlie wasn't the type of man to display his emotions but when Bella was involved, when she was in danger, he was just like any other father: worried for his daughter. "I don't understand what's wrong. She was fine and I mean, she takes her vitamins all the time. She shouldn't have fainted. I'm sure something's wrong. She…"

"You have to calm down, Jacob," Charlie cut me off, stopping me in my rambling. I realized I was speaking louder and my voice was shaking. My hands were shaking, too. I knew I had to calm down but Bella was in danger. Not the same kind of danger that she used to be in when we were younger, but in some ways this danger was worse than everything else we had faced. "Why don't you go outside to get some fresh air?"

Go outside? Leave the room? Leave Bella alone? There was no way I was going out of this hospital room. I had to stay there. If something went wrong I had to be there. But nothing was going to go wrong, right?

"I'll stay with her. Go outside. There's nothing more you can do in here."

Charlie practically ordered me to leave the room so I surrendered, kissing Bella's forehead one last time before letting go of her hand and stepping outside, closing the door behind me. I looked inside one more time to see Charlie taking my place on the chair next to Bella's bed.

I went to sit on a bench near the entrance of the hospital. I had to admit that I was glad to be outside. The air was refreshing but it didn't calm my nerves at all. I knew I needed to try to stay outside long enough that Charlie wouldn't scold me as if I was a kid, but all I wanted to do was go back inside and take Bella's hand in mine again. Just as I decided that I was going back inside, because even if there was nothing for me to do it was better than to sit here alone, Seth sat next to me, a warm coffee in his hand that he gave me.

"I thought you would appreciate the company." I didn't say anything. I didn't really feel like talking right then. Looking at Seth I saw that he was as worried as we all were. I may have been jealous of Seth but I couldn't deny the fact that Bella meant a lot to him, even if that got on my nerves. I wasn't going to argue about it with him then; there were more important things going on.

We didn't talk at all; we just stayed there on the bench, our coffee in our hands. We stared right in front of us for what seemed like forever before I stood up, deciding to go back to Bella. Seth stood up as well and as I walked back to the entrance of the hospital, he put his hand on my shoulder, stopping me.

"She's going be all right, Jake. She knows she has to."

I don't know what exactly made me change my mind at that instant, I don't know if it was the look on his face, the way he said the words. Something just changed. Seth cared about Bella, maybe as much as I did, maybe less, maybe more but right then I couldn't get myself to be angry if it was more. Seth cared about Bella; maybe Seth even loved Bella but it wasn't the same love that Bella shared with me. Seth loved Bella like she was his sister. I'd always known that but I suddenly understood what it meant. Seth wasn't in love with Bella. Seth was her confidante. I was jealous of that but there was nothing I could do to change this fact. Bella liked to talk to Seth. I just had to get over it. I knew it would always hurt a bit to know that she didn't tell me everything that was in her mind, that there were things she'd rather say to Seth and nobody else. I knew I would always be jealous of Seth for that.

Seth cared for Bella. I cared for Bella even more than for any other person in the world. I cared for Bella even more than I cared for myself. I was scared that Bella was hurt, that she was unconscious. Seth was scared that Bella was hurt, that she was unconscious. I don't know what got into me but the second Seth tried to reassure me I hugged him with all the strength in my body, not even caring that I could be embarrassed afterwards by this display of emotions towards a guy.

"She's gonna be all right, Jake." And all I could do was nod while this stupid kid tried to reassure me.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews for last chapters. I usually respond to reviews but our Internet decided to mess up completely so it's really hard for us to access webpages. The next chapter that I'll update isn't a chapter but an Outtake from Charlie's POV written for the forum thread for this story on Twilighted. You can go on it if you want, the link is on my profile. I also put the link to Bella's wedding dress and Bella's purple dress on my profile. Go check them out!


	17. Outtake 1

As I said in the previous chapter, this isn't a real chapter but a small outtake I wrote from Charlie's POV and posted on the Twilighted thread for this story. Because my chapters are getting longer, I didn't bother my Beta with this, which means that the outtake hasn't been proof-read. I apologize in advance for any grammar or spelling mistake you'll find in it. Enjoy :)

**Outtake 1 Bella baby-girl**

**Charlie's POV**

Because I was a cop, I used to come to the hospital quite a lot. But every time that Bella was involved, it was different. And she spent a lot of time in the hospital. I couldn't remember how many times she broke her wrist or her ankle. Yet, it was never as bad as it was today. Once, she fell down the stairs and broke her leg in Phoenix, when she was dating this weird boy back in high school. But even if this fall had been quite bad, today was way worse.

Watching her faint was scary but now it had been more than two hours and she was still unconscious. I felt completely useless; there was nothing I could do to help her. I didn't like it. She was my daughter; I had to protect her, especially since her fall had happened in my house. The only thing I could do was sit in this chair, waiting for something to happen. Waiting was the worst part. I was imagining the worst scenario possible. What if she didn't wake up? What if something was wrong with her? What if she was injured? What if something was wrong with her baby?

From where I was sitting, right next to her, on the chair that Jacob had reluctantly stood up from, I could see the way her stomach was rounder than usual. Her hand was on top of it, like she was, in spite of herself, trying to protect what was inside. Because she was pregnant, her fall had been even scarier. It was scarier.

Jacob was totally restless but I couldn't blame him. I'd always known deep inside that these two will end up married one day and I was really happy for them. Especially when I saw how Jacob cared for Bella. You could see that he would do anything for her simply by the way he was looking at her. I couldn't have wished for a better son-in-law especially since I'd always considered Jacob and Billy as part of my family anyway.

And now they were going to have a baby. Because the baby was fine. There was no need to be even more pessimistic. Both Bella and the baby were going to be fine. I couldn't deny that I was more anxious about Bella than the baby. Just the thought that Bella and Jacob were going to be parents was disturbing for me. They were so young; they had plenty of time ahead of them. But if they were happy like this I was just going to shut up and hope that everything would turn out right.

"Bells?" I whispered awkwardly while pressing her hand in mine. It felt strange to hear my own voice breaking the silence of the hospital room. Maybe hearing familiar voices was helping her so it was worth the try. I looked in the general direction of the door to be sure that no one else was coming in. I would have been embarrassed if someone saw me talking to an unconscious Bella.

"Hey, Bells, it's me, Charlie. I'm sure you can hear me from where you are. You know what? You have to wake up. You have to wake up so I can apologize. I should have built a one-storey house. I'm sorry."

I wasn't really good at making jokes but I was worse at exposing my feelings and it was the best I could offer. I was just going to talk about random things.

"Sue has saved you a slice of pie and you can have ice cream with it. I know how much you love ice cream. It's even pineapple ice cream. I don't see why you like it so much but we bought a lot of it just for you. Why don't you wake up so you can have some?"

It wasn't working at all. It didn't make her wake up. But actually, I liked talking to her. It made me think of something else than the possibility that she wasn't going to wake up. So I kept on talking and as time was going on I found myself talking about things I would never imagined I would talk about.

"You know that we never really talk but…I just wanted to tell you that I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of everything you've done so far. Everybody in town says you're a great teacher. I'm sure the kids love you even though they don't show it."

It was strange to say all these stuff when I didn't know if Bella would remember any of it when she would wake up. Anyway, it was easier for me to say all of this that way.

"Maybe it's going to sound selfish but…marrying Jacob was the best thing you've ever done in your life. It made you settled down there, next to me and honestly, I would have never thought it possible. Years ago, when you were still a kid and you hated coming here I would have done anything to make you stay in Forks. But I knew you would have said no. And now you live here. I know I never show it but I'm really glad you're here. You have to wake up so we can talk more about it."

It seemed that all the young people in Forks or in the Olympic Peninsula just fled away from the area whenever they got the chance to. Jacob was tied up to his father; I knew he would never leave him. But the fact that he made Bella stay here and even enjoy it, that was a feat. Jacob was the son I'd never had, along with Seth. These past years are really made me a happy man. And now, if Bella could just wake up, I would be even happier. She was my daughter but I could do nothing to help her and honestly, it was getting on my nerves.

"You know that I'm missing the game right now? I'm sure you're just sleeping because you didn't want me to watch it. That's not really nice, Bella. Now, open your eyes so we can all go back home."

Back to the stupid jokes and it was still not working. It felt good to talk to Bella especially since in the past half hour I'd spoken to her more than I'd done in one year. Yet, I was running out of things to talk about. If she wasn't going to wake up at my bad jokes I guessed all I had to do was sit there and wait for her to come back to me by herself. Just holding her hand was surely enough, right? Then I heard the cracking of the door. Without looking up I knew that Jacob was back.

He really was worried about her. She was her wife, after all. Thinking of Bella as a wife was still weird for me. Thinking of Bella as a mom-to-be was even weirder. But thinking of Bella as unconscious in a hospital bed was just wrong. There was no other word. It was wrong. I stood up from the chair to give it back to Jacob.

"Bella-baby girl? Just wake up, okay?" I whispered in her ear before kissing her forehead. I turned around to face Jacob and the look on his face simply brought me down. The woman he loved was on a hospital bed, linked to strange machines which were making strange sounds. He looked totally lost, totally hopeless. He looked just like me. His eyes were red like he just cried. Jacob never cried. I could see that he must have hoped that Bella would be awake by the time he came back in. But she wasn't and he apparently had a hard time keeping his emotions in check.

"She's…going to wake up…right?" he asked with a shaky voice when I hugged him. It felt a bit awkward but it felt like the right thing to do. He needed someone to comfort him and I didn't to know that I wasn't the only one who was scared to the bone.

"She's going to wake up." And I really hoped I was right.


	18. Chapter 17

Hey people!!!! Appreciate this chapter because it is the most recent I updated on Twilighted so from now on, the readers following this story only on FF will have to wait for my chapters to be validated and updated on Twilighted to get the update on FF. But you can register on Twilighted if you want :)

Also, if some of you read this story on Twilighted and left a review for this chapter, you should have noticed that I didn't respond to it. You know that I always respond to reviews but the website doesn't want me to for Chapter 17. I don't know why. It sucks because some of the reviews were really interesting and I was so angry not to be able to give an answer. So, if you want one, just leave your review again here :)

Enjoy.

**17. And I thought It Couldn't Get Worse.**

**_Thursday, November, 20_****th.**

**Bella's POV **

The whole place was white. I didn't know where I was but if there was one thing I was sure of, it was that it was white. Not the grey-white of the clouds or of your clothes when you've washed them too much. Not that kind of white. More like the kind of white you see on a wedding dress, a flashing white, a bright white. The white you see in toothpaste commercials. It was almost blinding, but it was beautiful. I could see nothing else but white all around me. I could have spent my life in that place.

It was peaceful; there was no sound at all. I was alone but it wasn't scary. It wasn't the kind of place where you dreaded to be by yourself. I was actually glad to be the only one able to enjoy the quietness of the moment. I realized I was sitting, yet I couldn't see what I was sitting upon. I stood up and felt a bit dizzy but that disappeared in a few seconds. I took a few steps, enjoying the feeling of the ground under my bare feet. It looked like I was walking on a cloud; like I was in the sky, far away from Earth, far away from all the problems of the world, far away from my earlier worries.

I smoothed my dress, my hands sliding across my stomach and I vaguely noticed that something was wrong there. I was alone in this beautiful place. Right. But I wasn't supposed to be all alone. There was supposed to be someone inside of me. Someone I could recall feeling moving not long ago. Someone who was supposed to make my stomach rounder than it was. I pressed my hand against my stomach again, only to realize that it was totally and completely flat, like I'd never been pregnant.

All of a sudden, my body felt like it was burning and I couldn't breathe correctly. The dizziness came back so I looked for the seat I was sitting on just moments before but it was gone. The white of the place was becoming brighter and brighter until I was totally blind. I needed to get out of there. I was suffocating. I needed to get out of there but my feet wouldn't move. No matter how hard I wanted to walk, to run, to escape this place which felt suddenly smaller, I just couldn't. I was stuck in place. There was no escape, no way to get out of that unfamiliar and increasingly frightening place.

I desperately wanted to get out of there. I wanted to get my baby back. I wanted my baby who had simply disappeared from my stomach without any warning. That place had taken my baby away from me. I had to leave it. I tried to extend my hands in front of my eyes to cover my face from the flashing white but my right hand was held by something invisible which prevented me from moving it. I tried hard to tug it free the thing which held it prisoner, without success.

I was feeling hotter and hotter. I needed to cool down. I needed the ringing in my ears, in my head, in my body, to stop. I needed to leave that place. It was becoming harder to breathe because of the panic shooting through my body. I couldn't move; I couldn't escape.

The white was too bright. It forced me to close my eyes and when I opened them again, nothing was the same.

I wasn't in the white place anymore. Well, the place where I was now was white, too, but it wasn't the same thing. I didn't know where I was. From what I could see, I was lying on a bed but I couldn't remember how I'd gotten there. The ringing I'd heard seconds before was still there. Wait. I actually knew that sound. I turned my head to the left to see the machine making the noise. Great. I was in the hospital.

I brought my left hand to my face, only to be hurt by the IV in my arm. Why was I there? What had I done to be here? Again? My whole body felt limp and something in my stomach was hurting. Plus, it looked like my blood couldn't flood into my right hand.

I turned my head to the other side of the bed, ignoring the spinning which caught me when I did so, to see that my hand was really imprisoned in something. It was imprisoned in Jacob's hands. He was sitting next to my bed, his head laid on the white sheet covering my body. He was sleeping.

Ignoring the pain which shot through my body, I brought my free hand to his face to stroke his hair and his cheek in the attempt to make him wake up so he could tell me what was going on. I was beginning to get flashes of memory in my head but I was still a bit confused. I remembered something about a broken vase and flowers, something about a picture, and something about stairs. Something about blood, something about…_Wait_. I'd fallen down the stairs. I'd fallen down the stairs and after that I started bleeding. I started bleeding and something in my stomach hurt so much that I couldn't see anything at all. There was something wrong with my stomach, something wrong with my baby.

As realization of what brought me to the hospital sank in, my heartbeat increased considerably with the panic I was feeling. The sudden change in my heartbeat seemed to be the thing that woke up Jacob. He straightened himself in his chair, looking around the room frantically, searching for what was wrong. When he saw that I was looking back at him, that my eyes were open, that I was awake, he sighed one of the biggest sighs I'd ever heard. He was relieved but I wasn't. Something was wrong with the baby; he couldn't look so happy right now!

"Oh, God, Bella! You scared the hell out of me!" he exclaimed, squeezing my hand harder and leaning forward to press his lips to mine. When he pulled away to let me breathe I had the intention to ask him what was wrong but as I opened my mouth, I couldn't talk at all. My throat and my mouth were totally dry so my words got stuck somewhere inside of it.

"I thought you weren't going to wake up." His voice was shaking, something that didn't happen a lot. Jacob radiated confidence most of the time. I'd made him that scared. I was sorry for this. I swallowed hard and finally managed to speak.

"What's wrong with the baby?" It didn't come out like I wanted it to; it was more of a whisper and a mumble than a real question. Jacob looked puzzled before sitting back in his chair, his hand resting on my belly. This time my belly was still as round as I remembered it, not like in my dream, but I couldn't feel the baby moving.

"What do you mean what's wrong? Nothing's wrong with the baby, Bella. Don't worry."

Nothing was wrong? But I had pain in my stomach. It wasn't something I was imagining. It was like my muscles were too tight and every little move I made was tearing them apart, like a stab in my flesh.

"Look," Jacob said when he saw that I didn't believe him. He pointed at one of the machines which were beeping next to me. I hadn't even noticed that there were several of these things. "This one is for the baby's heartbeat. You see? Everything's fine with him. Don't worry."

He stroked my cheek lightly with his fingertips and I had to say that the feeling was more than comforting. I tried to lift my head a bit but as I did so, the dizziness caught me again so I lay back down on my pillow. Jacob noticed the gesture and got up, looking like he'd forgotten something really important.

"I'm going to get the doctor, okay? Don't faint again."

I couldn't decide if that was a joke or a real request. He seemed to have been really worried about me. I could tell this from the look on his face, the way he was looking at me, the way he kissed me, the way he squeezed my hand, the look he gave me before leaving the room, like he didn't want to leave me alone even though he had to.

After a few minutes he was back to my side, claiming my hand again, saying that the doctor was coming. He gave me some water and now, that my throat was less dry, I could really speak and say everything I wanted to.

"I'm sorry."

"What are you apologizing for, Bella?"

"For being so clumsy. My clumsiness really ruined the day, didn't it?"

"Don't say that. You didn't ruin anything." I tried to roll my eyes at this comment, knowing perfectly well that it wasn't true but my body wouldn't cooperate. I guess I wasn't in the best shape. "I was so afraid. You can't even begin to imagine," Jacob sighed again.

"You, afraid?" I tried to joke. "Since when are you afraid?"

"Since you're pregnant and started fainting and staying unconscious for hours and leaving me with my dark thoughts about what could have happened if you hadn't woken up."

Oh. If I ever had any doubt about what Jacob was feeling for me now it would have completely vanished. Now I _really_ was sorry to be so clumsy and that he was so scared because of me.

"I'm sorry, Jake."

"Stop apologizing. It's not your fault. If you have to blame someone or something, blame Charlie's stairs."

I tried to laugh at this but it got stuck in my throat once again and all I could do was cough. When I could breathe correctly again I saw that Jacob was still looking at me as if I was someone who was going to die.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like someone who fainted?" Jacob flashed me a dark look, showing that he wanted the truth. "I feel dizzy and I kind of hurt in my stomach, but you said that the baby's fine so I don't know what it is. Oh! I was bleeding!" I suddenly remembered. "How can the baby be alright if I was bleeding?" I began to panic once again, knowing, feeling that the baby couldn't be fine if I had bled. I knew I'd just ruined everything.

"You need to calm down, Bells," Jacob whispered, sitting back next to the bed, rubbing my belly with his hand. "Take a deep breath and calm down. They did an ultrasound while you were unconscious. I saw the baby moving. He's fine. I promise."

Just when I was about to retort that the doctor had certainly lied to him because she didn't want to scare him more than he already was, my doctor actually came into the room, checking something in a file. She looked up from her papers, a serious look on her face.

"The on-call doctor told me what happened. I'm glad to see that you're awake. How do you feel?"

I told her what I just said to Jacob while she was checking on all the weird machines next to my bed, under Jacob's hard stare. She asked a nurse to get me another transfusion before setting out the materials to run another ultrasound. See? I was right. She wouldn't do another one test if everything was fine. Something had to be wrong. I'd just ruined everything. Jacob was going to hate me.

"You need to relax, Bella," the doctor said, frowning up at the machine displaying my heartbeat. It was steadily increasing now but I couldn't get myself to steady it. I was dreading what we were going to see on the ultrasound screen. I was dreading the moment when she would tell that it was over. It couldn't be over, right? I needed my baby. _We_ needed our baby, our little kangaroo. Tears were forming in my eyes.

"Okay, so everything looks fine in there," the doctor concluded after a few minutes of consulting the screen showing what was in my stomach. My eyes had been closed the whole time so her conclusion surprised me. Everything looked fine?

"Everything's fine?" I asked incredulously, meeting Jacob's gaze and his "I told you so", yet relieved look. Everything was fine? Fine? But I bled! How could it be fine if I'd bled?

"The baby's heartbeat is good, it's still moving perfectly and it doesn't look like there's any damage to the placenta. So, yes; your baby's fine."

Okay, that's it. I was crying now. Everything was fine. I'd fallen down the stairs but my baby was still there, my baby was okay, my baby was good. My clumsiness hadn't done any harm to him. Jacob seemed to be taken aback by my tears; I was sure it wasn't what he expected. My tears were tears of relief, surely of exhaustion, too, but I couldn't bring myself to stop. Jacob kissed my forehead gently and it took me several minutes to dry my eyes.

"Maybe it's not really the right time but…would you like to know your baby's sex?"

We both turned our heads towards the doctor, surprise on our faces. I'd actually forgotten that she was in the room. I'd been so happy to know that the baby was okay that nothing else'd mattered. Oh great. You just cried in front of your doctor. Perfect. But…

She could see if the baby was a boy or a girl? She could see that on the screen? She knew if my baby was a boy or a girl. She knew it and we could know it, too. It seemed like some pretty exciting news, something huge. But I didn't know if I wanted to know. It was surely going to facilitate a lot of things, like the color of the clothes we were going to buy, the color of the paint for the nursery walls but…we didn't get to have a lot of surprises nowadays. At least, not good surprises. And having a baby was such a big step, such a big event; I needed to keep it perfect until the end. I didn't want to know the baby's sex. I wanted it to be a surprise until the moment I'd hold my baby in my arms, the moment he would stop being a kangaroo because he would be real, out in the world. I was going to get the chance to hold our baby in my arms.

I looked at Jacob and without saying anything, only by the look in his eyes, I could tell that he was fine with keeping it unknown. I smiled back at him before answering the doctor's question.

"We'd rather not, thank you."

She nodded, yet still wrote something in her file and I could tell that it was the baby's sex. Maybe it should have bothered me that people other than us knew if we were going to have a son or a daughter but strangely, it didn't. We were going to have a son or a daughter. Wow. The baby was fine and we were going to have a son or a daughter. We were going to be parents. Wow.

Before I could tell Jacob anything else or at least try to know what his feelings were about what had just happened, the doctor said that she wanted to do a pelvic exam on me and she asked Jacob to leave the room.

"I'd prefer to stay," he replied, trying to sound calm but I knew he was getting angry.

"He can stay. I want him to stay." And that was true. I didn't want him to leave my side. The doctor surrendered. After all, I was the patient; so if having my husband next to me could help me feel better, she couldn't deny it to me.

She asked me to prop my feet in these horrible cold metallic stirrups that I didn't like. Lifting my legs made me wince; it disturbed something inside of me and was quite painful. From the corner of my eye I saw that my reaction to this simple movement seemed to scare Jacob and he snuggled closer to me, ending half sitting on the bed. Everything that the doctor did was painful so I tried to think of something else but it was rather difficult. I turned my head to the side, hiding in Jacob's arm, enjoying the heat it provided.

I knew Jacob could see that I was hurting and he probably felt useless because there was nothing he could do to ease the pain. For me, having him here, next to me, was enough to make me stand the pain. Yet, I didn't understand where this pain was coming from. The baby was alright but maybe my fall had nevertheless made some damage? I knew I couldn't get through my stupid stunt without any harm. Jacob was whispering something in Quileute and, though I couldn't understand what he was saying, I realized it was helping me calm down. Before I knew it the doctor was done with her exam.

"All right, first things first," she said when I painfully freed my legs from her instruments of torture. "You didn't lose too much blood but that was expected."

"What do you mean expected?" Jacob asked before I could open my mouth to ask that question.

"A lot of pregnant women lose a bit of blood but you have nothing to be worried about. For some women it's simple spotting, for others it's a little heavier. It's just blood outside of the placenta. There're no consequences to this. I think that your fall just triggered it and you would have eventually had some bleeding in any case.

I was finally getting the answer to my most dreaded question, and I had to admit that it was more of a relief than I would have expected. I'd been so afraid something was going wrong that now I really could relax.

"Have you been feeling tired?"

"Actually, yes. A lot," I admitted, realizing at the same moment that it was true. I hadn't paid a lot of attention to it but now I really could admit that, even when I was getting my full night of sleep, I never felt rested in the morning. I was constantly tired.

"Do you take your vitamins as I asked you to?" Why was she talking to me like I was a child? Why was she giving me with this suspicious look? Of course I was taking my vitamins! Even if I'd forgotten them Jacob was always there to remind me to take them. I nodded and she checked something else in her file.

"Okay, so I'll give you more because it looks like it's not enough to keep you in good shape. It's probably because of this that you fainted. Also, it would be better if you could try to work and drive less. I know it's not easy but if you could manage to get less hours in the high school, it would be enough to allow some more rest."

I simply hated the fact that everybody knew everything about everyone in this town! No one could have secrets. The worst part was that, by next week, everybody would know I ended up in the hospital and I was pretty sure the principal would ask me to work less. That was unfair. We needed this money. I wasn't going to stop working unless the doctor really gave me a written order and a good reason for me to do so.

Yet, before I could protest against her suggestion, Jacob silenced me with one of his serious looks and I closed my mouth to listen to what the doctor still had to say.

"It's not just because you're tired that you have to be careful. Maybe it's just because you fell, I still don't know, but it looks like your cervix is a bit too dilated. It shouldn't be like this as this stage of your pregnancy."

Okay. That was scary. I glanced at Jacob when she told us this and I was sure that my worried look was exactly like the one painted on his face. See? I couldn't do anything without screwing it up. If I hadn't fallen down those stupid stairs my baby wouldn't be in any danger.

"I'm sorry but I think that means you have to give up all physical activities."

"Oh that's okay, I don't play any sports."

"I'm not talking only about sports." What did that mean? What other kind of physical activity did you have outside of sports? Wait. _No_. Please, let's not talk about this; it's embarrassing. "It's also valid for intercourse."

Hell yes, she said it! I felt my face taking a crimson color and I hid into Jacob's side once again, not even wanting to look at her. From my hiding place I felt Jacob's body stiffen and become rigid. When the shame began to leave me I finally seemed to realize what the doctor just said and what it meant. Holy s…! No way!

"You mean we can't…have…sex anymore?" It cost me to say this, partly because I was embarrassed and partly because I was afraid of the answer. In any normal circumstance Jacob would have made fun of my embarrassment but right now he seemed to be in shock.

"It means you have to be careful and maybe you should have less frequent sexual relations. It's for your baby's sake.

"But I thought you said the baby is fine."

"It is. It's nothing serious as long as you take it easy for some time. You don't have to follow the advice if you don't want to but that is my recommendation."

She was trying to be professional but I could see reprobation written all over her face when she said that. She was about to say something else when her beeper drew her attention and she left the room.

I guessed I was going into shock, too, because for several minutes we didn't say anything. When I finally got the courage to look up at Jacob, I saw that he was looking straight in front of him, away from me. Stupid, clumsy Bella.

"I'm so sorry, Jake," I managed to say and he looked down at me. I was relieved to see that he didn't look angry at all. Maybe a bit disappointed but not angry. At least that was a good sign.

"You don't have to apologize. It's just…I wasn't expecting this at all."

"Me neither. God, I'm so sorry. But she said we didn't have to stop if we didn't want to so…"

"Bella, it's okay." He smiled but it didn't convince me. It wasn't okay. "It's for the baby, Bella. Of course it's…annoying but it's just for a few months, right? I'm sure I can handle it. It's just sex after all."

Maybe he could handle it but what about me? It was for the baby, right. It was for the baby. I would handle it. I had no choice, it was for the baby. And it was _just_ sex? Was he crazy? We still didn't seem to be out of the honeymoon phase of our marriage. It would be difficult to go from a life where sex was omnipresent to a life where it had to be avoided as much as possible. But it was for the baby. I tried to smile back at him, yet it wasn't easy. Jacob closed the space between our heads and kissed my nose tenderly before heading down to my lips.

"You're not making it easier, Jake." He chuckled and moved away, standing up, still holding my hand. We stared into each other's eyes for a very long time before I yawned and felt my eyes closing.

"You tired?" Jacob asked, stating the obvious. I nodded and lay back down in the bed, my hand landing on my stomach, my round stomach in which everything was all right. I couldn't help smiling at this thought. "I'm going to tell the others that everything's all right. Get some rest and stop worrying, okay?"

I nodded once again and closed my eyes, feeling Jacob's lips brushing against mine once again.

"Everything isn't all right but they don't need to know, do they?" I couldn't see Jacob's face when I said this but anyway, I knew that he was smiling.

"Everything _is_ all right, Bells. You're a silly girl. You're a silly girl but I love you. Sleep, but make sure it isn't as long as a few hours ago."

With that my eyes shot open once again to see Jacob's face very close to mine, worry in his eyes. You scared him, you're so stupid. Maybe I shouldn't sleep. Just as if he could read my thoughts, Jacob said:

"You sleep. I'll be right back." He hugged me then finally left the room, yet I knew it was reluctantly. The second he was out, I felt more tired than ever and I closed my eyes, just hoping that I would wake up soon.

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Hope you enjoyed :)

This is likely to be the last update before Christmas so I wish you all a Happy Christmas!!!

Also, I got myself a Twitter. I don't really find it useful to keep in touch with my friends because most of them are French and French people aren't as fond of Twitter as Americans. Here's the link if you want ot follow me: http://twitter [dot] com/mellyb6. Leave me a message so I'll know who you are. I'll keep you updated on my writing.


	19. Chapter 18

I hope everybody had a very good Christmas!!!

I usually don't put a disclaimer for every chapter on that's why I forgot to say something the last time I updated the story. There was a lot of medical stuff in the last couple of chapters. Someone asked me if it was all mine and that's when I remembered I forgot something _really_ important. All the credit for the medical improvements in the previous chapters goes to my wonderful beta, **_faite-comme-moi_**.

Now, you can enjoy the next chapter ;)

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18. Up And Down And Up And Down...And Down.

**_Saturday, November, 29._**

**_Bella's POV._**

Saturdays were boring. Well, not all Saturdays were boring, but today, I had nothing to do at all. Usually, I had some copies to grade or even lesson plans to prepare but, now that the principal decided to give me less hours at work, it didn't take as long as it used to. It'd been more than a week since my stupid fall and trip to the hospital but the whole town seemed to agree to the fact that my life had to be as easy as possible. Apart from the fact that I was working less, there was always someone to help me when I was shopping, someone to carry my bags, someone to take me to my car. Maybe they were afraid I was going to faint again.

I was also seeing Charlie a lot these past days. For the last few months, even though I was working in the same town as he was, we didn't get to see each other a lot. But now, it looked like he was everywhere I was. It wouldn't have surprised me if he'd told me that he was following me. It wouldn't have surprised me but it was beginning to get on my nerves.

I couldn't be alone when I was in Forks. There was always someone next to me, asking if I needed any kind of help. I just wanted to be left alone. I was pregnant, not sick. I wasn't going to die any time soon. I knew I'd scared Charlie almost as much as I'd scared Jacob but it wasn't an excuse.

At least, Jacob knew that he'd better not ask to help. The day I left the hospital he was constantly next to me, not leaving my side even for a second. Although I appreciated his kindness, it wasn't long before I'd asked him to leave me alone. I was aware that I'd scared him and that he really didn't want me to fall or even to get hurt again but we were good. The baby was good and I was more or less good. Now, Jacob was trying to act like nothing had happened at all, just like I asked him to do but I could see that it was hard for him.

He didn't say anything but his face and his attitude showed it anyway. If I was staying a little longer than usual in the bathroom he would knock on the door and ask if I was alright, only to be rewarded by a mumble and an invitation to go away. I knew that all of this was supposed to help me get more rest, which I really needed by the way, but the constant attention I was getting wasn't helping. I slept more, that was a fact. But I didn't get more rest. My nights weren't as peaceful as they were supposed to be. It was becoming harder to fall asleep and to find a position that eased the constant pain in my back.

I was aware that I was becoming more irritable and grumpier though one week ago I wasn't like this at all. It was all because of my clumsy fall. It not for this I would be perfectly fine and everybody would be happy. Plus, the fact that we were listening to the doctor's advice and not having sex wasn't helping at all. More than a week without sex; that was our personal record since the wedding but I couldn't say it was something I was proud of. It was pissing me off a little bit more every single day and I really couldn't see how we were going to last until April.

Jacob didn't seem to find it as hard as I did. He said that it was because of my hormones. You see? This pregnancy was totally messing with my life. Yet, I was trying to act normally when I was out in public. That is, I was trying very hard not to give the students a hard time for nothing; I was trying to be nice to all the people who only wanted to help me. The problem was that, when I came back home, I was more tired than ever. I was running out of patience so it Jacob who was getting yelled at. Every little thing that went wrong seemed to ignite my anger. But I didn't want to be like this. I wanted to be nice, to be happy, but I simply couldn't bring myself to be.

Tonight I would try because, anyway, I didn't have a choice. It was the last weekend of November and it was kind of a tradition for all the members and former members of the pack to gather for a sort of pre-Christmas thing. I couldn't remember who began this tradition although I was pretty sure it had to be Emily. Unfortunately, she wouldn't be there this year because she hadn't wanted to leave her newborn baby at home. I didn't know if Sam was coming and I was hoping with all my heart that he wouldn't, because it would mean less people I had to talk to, less people asking if I was okay.

At first, I hadn't wanted to go either, stating that I was very tired or that I wasn't in the best shape to go out but Jacob wouldn't have it. He said that I'd complained all week long that I was fine so there was no reason I couldn't go to the restaurant tonight. Good point. Yet, it didn't prevent me from complaining about going. I guess I pissed him off a bit about this because he spent the day at the community center, something that he didn't usually do. He used to go there once in a while to help Quil or Jared but most of the time he preferred to spend his weekends at home, with me. I just wasn't the best company he could ask for right now.

This is why my day had been more than boring. The doctor said that I should drive as little as possible. Although it bothered me, I decided to behave myself a bit today and try not to turn Jacob more against me or my bad moods. I stayed at home but I hadn't a lot of things to do. I didn't have any flowers or plants to take care of, Emily couldn't come because of her baby, Kim was away, and Jacob had deserted the house. I watched the TV and tried to read. I stopped this last activity very shortly after starting it because I couldn't get myself to concentrate on what was printed on the pages.

I tried to entertain myself by reading the mail. The second I noticed it was full of Christmas catalogues, it depressed me. I had to buy Christmas presents but I couldn't find the courage to do so. It was always an exhausting activity and this year was going to be more awful than the others. Not because I hadn't any idea about what to buy, either. Because it meant going shopping when I knew I couldn't face the crowded malls. However, we weren't even at the beginning of the month yet so I had plenty of time to buy my presents.

I got up from the chair I was sitting on in the bedroom to check the clock once again. I was already dressed to go out. Dressed in the same dress as last week because it was the only one I had. I used to always wear my black dress for this dinner, the black dress which was my favorite piece of clothing in my closet, but it didn't fit anymore. I just hoped that Seth's dress wouldn't bring me bad luck, that I wouldn't faint again. If I fainted again I could be sure that Jacob would lock me up in the bedroom, not allowing me to get up from the bed until the end of my pregnancy.

I was putting on some foundation in an attempt to hide the huge rings under my eyes when I heard a slight knock on the door. Before I could even respond to it, Jacob came into the room. _Remember to be nice, Bella_. If there was one thing I really wanted to do it was to not spoil the evening. It meant a lot to Jacob so I would force myself to be nice.

"How was your day?" I asked, coming towards him when he made the gesture to hug me. I stepped into his arms, immediately relaxing, feeling his warmth against me. It was really stupid to have been angry at him because he'd wanted to spend some time with his friends. I looked up as he bent down to kiss me.

"Good. But it would have been better if I'd been with you." He was watching me with apprehension, surely waiting for me to get mad. I wasn't going to get mad. I was going to behave. I nodded then kissed him back a little bit. I wanted to press closer to his side but my stomach was like an obstacle between us.

When Jacob realized that, it made him laugh. He turned me around so my back was pressed against his chest, and though it wasn't exactly what I wanted, it felt better. He folded his arms across my waist, sighing when the baby kicked against his hands.

"After what happened last week I'm not even afraid anymore when I think that he's a real person, moving and breathing," Jacob whispered before kissing my temple. I had to agree with him on this. We'd both thought at one point last Thursday that it was over, that I'd lost the baby. It didn't scare me as much as before, either, to know that I'd be a mother soon. "You know that you look very nice, Bells," he added after a moment of comfortable silence.

"Thank you. But I wanted to put my black dress on tonight and I can't."

"You look nice in purple. Just, don't faint, okay?" It was supposed to be a joke but I couldn't bring myself to laugh when I caught the edge of seriousness in Jacob's voice. I rested my head against his chest and closed my eyes before a noise down the hall in the kitchen startled me. "Oh, yeah. I forgot. Embry's here. Is it okay if he goes to Port Angeles with us?"

"Sure, why not?" Embry had been an idiot over the past few months but Beth seemed to be coming to terms with what he was and what kind of bond he had with her. So I really had to be supportive, even though I didn't like this imprinting thing at all. Beth was family and so was Embry, in a strange way. That was another problem joining the long list of things I had to worry about. I turned around, tiptoeing to reach Jacob's lips. His presence had been strangely effective in helping me relax. I didn't feel mad anymore. Maybe I would even get to enjoy the night out. Maybe.

"You better get dressed or we're going to be late. What will the guys think if they know that we're late because of _you_?" I teased him, grabbing my bag before leaving the room while he made a weird face at my comment. He actually managed to put a smile on my face; something I thought couldn't happen given the mood I was in.

I went to the kitchen, resolute not to eat anything. Instead I was going to drink something, hoping that it would cut my hunger a bit. Embry was there, sitting on a chair, the dog running in circles around the table. She went crazy every time one of the guys came in. I calmed her rapidly, sending her to the living room.

"Hey, Bella," Embry said carefully, judging my reaction. _I was going to be nice tonight._

"Hi. Would you like something to drink? Jacob has some beer, if you want." He said yes to the beer and when I got my Coke, I sat down on a chair while he eyed me in silence. "Is there something you want to talk about, Embry?" If there was anything I didn't like at all, it was an awkward silence.

"Well…I know we haven't talked a lot since…California but…I wanted to say that I'm sorry, really. I just didn't think of the consequences and I swear that if I'd known that you were…well…," he rambled, gesturing towards my belly. "Well. I'm sorry. I was an idiot."

"I agree with you about that. But I accept your apology anyway. You know that Beth called me a few days ago and…"

"Really? Did she mention me? What did she say?" he cut me off, switching into the crazed puppy that he was, that all the guys were when their imprints were involved.

"She said that she's still scared about everything you said to her. I think she still needs time to adjust. It's not that easy to learn that mythical creatures are real…"

"D'you think she's afraid of me?" Embry cut me off once again. Now, it was beginning to bug me. "That would suck if she was afraid of me."

"Oh, I don't know if she's afraid, exactly. I think the best way for you to know is to ask her. She told me that she was trying to trust you, to tell you things about her life. I think she likes the fact that she can have a guy friend with whom she can share everything."

"That's really what I wanna be for her, you know. I understand that she loves Tom, and I think he's a great guy, but sometimes I just wish that I could be something more to her…"

"You're just starting to get closer to her, please don't ruin everything by being too pushy. Please." This time I was the one who interrupted him. Beth had been really scared of the fact that, maybe, Embry was some kind of stalker. She seemed like she wanted to accept him as a friend but she also told me that, even if she felt like she could tell him everything, she was still really insecure about their relationship. I didn't want them to have another fight. Not now that I was tired all the time and had other things to be concerned about.

"Yeah, you're right," he said, realizing what he was implying. "It's just so hard to always be so far away from her. We only talk on the phone and…"

"And it's better than nothing at all so stop complaining," Jacob cut him off as he entered the kitchen. He hadn't wasted any time getting prepared for going out.

Embry kind of cringed under Jacob's harsh tone and I could see that he felt real pain from being far away from Beth. Well, there wasn't a lot I could do to help him. Maybe if he hadn't acted like an idiot in the beginning Beth would have already invited him to come and see her. Even though she said she was beginning to trust Embry, she also said that she felt better with the distance that the phone provided between them.

Since we were all ready to go, Embry and I got up from our chairs but I stood up too fast, which made me grab the table to remain upright. Jacob unconsciously grabbed my arm to keep me from falling. He flashed me a dark look while asking me to me more careful. He sounded like he was scolding a child. He didn't sound like Jacob at all and it pissed me off.

Even before getting pregnant I struggled all the time to stay upright when I stood up to fast from a chair or a bench or whatever. I'd never fallen because of this quick move, though. Besides, Jacob had stopped paying attention to that a long time ago. But now, well, since last week, his eyes were constantly on me and really, it was getting on my nerves.

My good intentions to behave tonight vanished all of a sudden when he treated me like a kid. He could be anxious, he could want to protect me but this was too much. I jerked away from his touch to go get my coat before going straight to the car. The guys followed soon after, Embry clearly not knowing if it was a good idea for him to come in the car with us. I had no intention to speak at all so, as far as I was concerned, I was okay with him being here.

"Are you going to be mute for the rest of the evening?" Jacob asked after a long period of silence. We were already out of Forks but not a single word had been uttered in the car since he turned on the ignition.

"If I talk to you I have the feeling I'm going to say something I'll regret. So yes, I think I won't talk to you."

"I can't believe how stubborn you are," Jacob said under his breath but it didn't go unnoticed. That was it. Now I was mad. I wasn't stubborn! I was only trying to be nice; that is, trying _not_ to say mean things.

"I'm not stubborn, Jake! I just don't want to talk to you! I don't see how this is being stubborn!"

"You are stubborn. I was just trying to help you. I don't want you to fall again but, no. You think you're strong but that's not true! You _fainted,_ Bella. You went to the hospital. You may be okay now but it's normal for people to want to look after you."

"I don't need someone to look after me! I'm fine!" Ugh, how could people not understand this? I didn't need anyone. I. Was. Fine.

"Okay, so you're fine, big deal. It doesn't change the fact that the doctor had to give you more vitamins. It doesn't change the fact that the doctor said we had to be careful. And this means that…"

"Look at the road, Jake, for God's sake!" I cut him off when I realized that he was looking at me while he was talking instead of looking at where the car was going.

"Oh, so _you_ can tell me what to do but I can't, that's it?"

"Oh, guys! Guys, guys, guys! Calm down, will you?" Embry shouted from the backseat. We both turned our heads in his direction and not long after, Jacob received a slap on his arm indicating that he had to watch the road rather than his friend. He flashed me another dark look but we both fell silent. "Ah. Silence. Thanks a lot, guys."

I really wanted to tell Embry that if he wasn't happy in the car he could always get out, but I knew that if I began to talk to Jacob it wouldn't go well. I knew that if I talked to Embry or even talked again, it would end in another argument. So I just crossed my arms while looking out the window. This evening was going to be the death of me. I didn't want to go anymore.

When we arrived at the restaurant Rachel and Paul picked out for tonight, Jacob didn't help me out of the car like he usually did. He seemed as pissed as I was and determined to not help me, just as I had asked him to. Despite the cold of the evening I decided to stay outside the restaurant to have the opportunity to calm down. Jacob didn't even look back at me to see why I wasn't following them, so I assumed I must really have pissed him off.

I was going inside when I heard a familiar sound behind me. I turned around to see Seth taking his helmet off, still sitting on his motorcycle. Seth, no date, as usual. Although this dinner was a kind of pack gathering it hadn't, in the past, prevented Embry from bringing girls. This year was an exception, for obvious reasons. But Seth had never brought anyone, which saddened me.

"What are you doing out here all alone?" he asked when he reached my side.

"Smoking?" I tried to joke, but apparently it wasn't funny. Seth smacked my arm in reproach.

"No, seriously. They don't accept pregnant women in there?"

"This isn't funny, either. I'm just trying to calm down before going inside to see everyone. I…I kind of yelled at Jake in the car," I added when I saw Seth's puzzled look.

"What did he do? D'you want me to punch him in the face for you?" he asked, standing more upright, his shoulders broadening. He was trying to look scary but he was Seth. Even when he was trying really hard he didn't look more frightening than usual.

"No, that's okay. But thanks," I said with a smile as I entered the restaurant, Seth holding the door for me. "I got mad because…he prevented me from falling."

As I said it, I realized how stupid I had been. Jacob had just wanted to help me and all he got in return was my anger. This wasn't fair. I wasn't being fair. I needed to apologize.

We immediately spotted our large group of friends, minus Emily, who were waiting for us. It looked like the only thing that prevented them from sitting at the table was our arrival, so they greeted us rapidly before settling down. I got a lot of questions about how I was doing. I tried to behave and answered politely, though it was bugging me to say that I was doing okay when it wasn't really the case. I didn't want to be here tonight. I only came because I knew it would have caused another argument if I had stayed at home, in my bed, with a book. When they all seemed to be reassured about my health, they focused on Sam to ask about Emily and his baby. Given the look on his face I would say that he would have preferred to stay at home with his family but we quickly learned that his wife had almost kicked him out of the house so he could have some fun.

"Jake?" I asked, looking for his hand under the table. He hadn't spoken a word to me since we'd sat down, something that I didn't like. He reluctantly gave me his hand. "I'm sorry, really," I whispered while he lowered his head. His face softened a little when he saw that I was sincere. His lips brushed my forehead, his hand squeezing mine. Maybe the evening wasn't going to be that bad, after all. I took a deep breath before concentrating on the menu.

……..

The dinner wasn't going so bad. It was actually good to be out with friends instead of being home. They knew by experience that they had to be careful when they talked to me. They probably assumed that a pregnant Bella was as bad as a pregnant Kim had been and they were right. But I was feeling better now. I wasn't angry anymore plus, when I thought back about it, I was always getting mad over stupid things. Really stupid things.

I was sitting next to Embry, which wasn't a bad thing in itself but when he began to talk to me about Beth and how great she was, I zoned out. I didn't want to hear what he had to say about my cousin anymore. I was trying to behave, right. But if there was one thing I couldn't stand, it was someone praising the imprinting process so much. I couldn't blame Embry for being ecstatic; yet, it didn't mean I had to enjoy it.

When I felt like I was going to snap out something mean, I just stood up and went to the bathroom. Firstly, in order to calm down, but also because, incidentally, I needed to go. I was about to return to my seat when my cell phone rang in my purse, indicating that my mother was calling me. Again. I sat down, feeling that I was about to have a long conversation.

"Hello, mom."

"_Bella! How are you, today?"_

"Fine; just like yesterday and the day before, and the day even before that. Thanks."

"_You sure?"_ She sounded anxious, like she didn't believe me. Almost like everybody did when I said that I was fine. _"You're sure you don't want me to come up?"_

"Mom! I'm not a kid anymore. I've got Jacob and Charlie and Sue. And Seth, too. There's no need to bother. But, thanks for asking," I added as an afterthought, realizing that I was being a bit too harsh. My mother had been arguing with me to come up to Forks for the past week. She felt that she was being left out because she wasn't there when I fainted. She wasn't there when I spent one entire day in the hospital and, true to the anxious mother that she was, she hadn't liked it. We had been having the same conversation for at least four days.

"_It's just that I was really worried when you father called to tell me that you were in the hospital. I want you to be okay."_

"Yes, I got it. You said the same thing yesterday. Listen, mom. It was scary, even for me; but now I feel just like any other pregnant woman. I feel as good as I should."

"_All right, all right. What about if I just come for a weekend? Next weekend? Would next weekend be okay?"_

"Oh, mom… I don't know. Well…maybe but…"

"_Okay then. I'll see you next weekend. I have to go now. Take care!"_

And she hung up. It took me a moment to realize that my mother had just invited herself to my house, where there was no guest room. I couldn't let my mother sleep on the couch; that was rude. Hmmpff, I hated it when she did this. She had the annoying habit of deciding things for everyone, things that actually didn't suit everybody. But she was my mother; I'd gotten used to it. It just wasn't the best time for her to come over. I was really not the best person to live with right now. I took a deep breath before stepping out of the bathroom to announce her upcoming visit to Jacob. He liked my mother but we hadn't planned this at all and it was making me angry and nervous.

While I was on my way back to our table, a door next to me opened and Jacob stepped out of it. Beside the fact that I didn't know why he had been in that room in the first place, the fact that he was talking to a waitress following him was more than peculiar. A hot waitress, by the way. They were talking and he was smiling. He hadn't smiled at me for hours. I loved Jacob's smile but I preferred when it was directed at me. Not at this waitress and especially not when half of his shirt was…unbuttoned? What the heck was going on?

"What were you doing in there?" I asked sharply. Jacob looked at me with surprise, not exactly the look I expected from someone who had just been caught in a peculiar situation. I hadn't a clue of what was happening. It was getting on my nerves.

"It's funny, actually. She…"

"I don't see anything funny. What were you doing?"

The waitress might have felt the tension emanating from me because she excused herself back to her work. When she said this she touched Jacob's arm slightly, which made me even angrier. Jacob's eyes followed her back until she disappeared into the restaurant's main room. I had to admit that the waitress was rather beautiful; she was surely more beautiful than me, which wasn't difficult given the fact that I was a big fatty and that I felt very unattractive.

"Well? " I asked again when he didn't answer my question. I crossed my arms, waiting for him to say that I was wrong. I had to be wrong. He wasn't attracted by this waitress. He couldn't be. But we hadn't had sex for more than a week. For me, it felt like a long time because it was the longest we'd been without sex since we were married. But ten days was nothing when you looked at the bigger picture. Ten days was nothing, yet, Jacob didn't seem to have been able to resist any longer than that. This simple thought brought tears to my eyes.

"Why are you getting so angry, Bells? It's nothing, really. She…"

"It didn't look like nothing!" I hissed, trying to keep my voice down. He had just stepped out of a room with the word "Private" written on the door and he was buttoning his shirt up. Plus, he couldn't find an answer to my question. I felt bigger tears forming in my eyes, not sure if they were tears of sadness, of anger or simply of exhaustion. "I'm out of here."

"Wait!" he exclaimed, grabbing my arm to prevent me from walking away from him. "You're overreacting, Bella, really. I don't know what you're thinking, but you're wrong."

"You don't know what I'm thinking? Don't be such a hypocrite, Jake. You know exactly what I'm thinking. Let go of me."

I strode back to our table, taking a deep breath to keep the tears hidden behind my eyes. I grabbed my coat, surprising myself when I heard that I was capable of forming a rather plausible excuse for why I was leaving in the middle of the dinner. It was like I wasn't the one talking, that my words had a mind of their own. I wasn't a good liar but weirdly, my speech sounded quite credible. Then, I realized that I didn't have the car keys. It was Jacob who had them. I turned around and there he was, just next to me. He looked completely lost but he couldn't fool me anymore. He knew exactly what was wrong. I didn't want to talk about it in front of everyone. I asked rather politely for the keys that he refused to give me. Apparently, I wasn't feeling well so he didn't want to let me drive home.

"I don't care what you think. I just want to get out of here and I don't want you to drive me home. I don't want to see you right now. Not after what happened. Seth can take me home," I added, spotting my brother looking at us, just like everybody else around the table. That was just great. Let's all watch Bella losing it on Jacob in the middle of a restaurant. Seth dropped his fork when he saw the expectant yet impatient look I threw in his direction.

"You're out of your mind, Bella. You're not riding a motorcycle."

"Oh, shut up, Jacob." All I wanted was to be out of this place. I was suffocating; plus, I really wanted to be in a quieter, familiar environment where I would be able to cry. Right now, I felt like I needed to. I went to wait outside to get some fresh air, waiting for someone to come after me to get me home. I didn't care who it was going to be as long as it wasn't my stupid husband who had sex on his mind.

After a few minutes, I saw Seth's familiar figure stepping out of the restaurant. It was exactly what I needed. He spotted me easily and a few minutes later we were both in the car, silently driving back to La Push. I didn't feel like crying anymore but as soon as Seth asked me if I wanted to talk about what happened, the waterworks began. And there was no way I could stop it.

"The doctor said we shouldn't have sex anymore and you know…it's really kind of hard. Oh God, I shouldn't have said that! You don't want to hear about this. I'm sorry." I choked on my sobs, folding my arms across my chest to prevent the shaking.

"No, that's okay. If you need to talk about it I think I can manage to prevent the weird images from popping into my head. Go on." He actually succeeded in making me laugh. That was why I loved talking to Seth. Everything felt better when he was involved in the conversation. He made it feel easier.

"At the restaurant, he just stepped out of this room and he was with this gorgeous waitress and…seriously how could I stand a chance against her? I admit, she was hot and I'm just so plain. Plus, that hasn't been improved with the whole pregnancy and…"

"You are still as pretty as you've always been, Bella," Seth reassured me, squeezing my hand. "You aren't plain. Everybody's different but I just can't believe Jacob would prefer her to you."

"Well…he didn't tell me that. Why would he have? Do you think someone can say to his wife: 'This chick is turning me on?' It's just the way he looked at her. He isn't supposed to look at other women like that."

"Jacob's a man. Even if he's married, sometimes he can't help looking at other women. It's in our genes; we do this all the time. _I_ do this all the time. Okay. I know, I don't have a wife; I don't even have a girlfriend. And I know you're going to say that none of the guys act this way. But that's because they're all imprinted…Ooops, sorry," he added rapidly when he realized he'd said the one word that I probably hated the most in the world. Everything would be so much easier if Jacob had imprinted on me. I wouldn't have to be constantly afraid of what could happen. I wouldn't have to be afraid that he could be interested in other women.

"All right but why was he doing in this room, alone with her?"

"How do you know they were alone?"

"I…I don't know this. I just assumed because his shirt was unbuttoned that…" I caught a glimpse at how Seth was looking at me, with a mix of something like sympathy and sadness. I realized instantly that I'd been wrong all along. I didn't even let Jacob explain. He was right. I'd overreacted and he had to be so mad at me. I needed to get back to him. I started crying again but this time it wasn't for the same reason. I was angry at myself for being so stupid, so tired, and so hormone-ridden. This pregnancy really was messing with me.

"I messed up, Seth," I stated, watching him nodding in agreement. I would have been angry at him, too, for agreeing that I was wrong but for now, the only thing that counted was talking to Jacob to make sure that everything would be all right again. "I messed up so much!"

This time, when he saw that I was completely losing it, Seth stopped the car on the side of the road. Then he hugged me as best he could, sitting in the car making it an awkward process. Slowly, affectionately, he rubbed my back, rocking me until I calmed down and I eventually began to fall asleep.

* * *

If you read the story on Twi'd you know that I post a teaser for the next chapter in the End Notes. It's only fair that you get it there, too. Next chapter is from Jacob's POV so you can have the other side of the story.

**Chapter 19: I didn't sign up for this.**

**"I married you because I love you. Not only because you're good in bed." And God, she was. If she could just take her hand off my thigh, right now. I was getting uncomfortable.**


	20. Chapter 19

**19. I didn't sign up for this.**

**_Jacob's POV._**

**_Saturday, November, 29th._**

Don't get me wrong. Being married was great. It was totally new for me but I was pretty sure I was going to like it for a long time. Hopefully for the rest of my life. Having someone to come home to, someone who shared her whole life with me, was better than I could have imagined. Being married to Bella was the best achievement of my existence so far. It felt like a dream come true. Knowing that every day, I was coming home to her was an exciting feeling.

It's true that I wasn't used to some aspects of living with a woman but I was adapting to it. For instance, I wasn't used to making my bed every single morning. I wasn't used to hearing the sound of a vacuum cleaner every week. I wasn't used to a very clean and tidy kitchen or even bathroom. I'd lived with my father all my life, and none of these things was a major issue for us. Apparently, for Bella, it was. She was pretty cute when she scolded me for walking in the recently cleaned up hallway with muddy boots. Actually, I thought Bella was cute all the time. I couldn't help it. But these past several days, my judgment was being seriously challenged.

If I wanted to be radical I could almost say that our life had gone from paradise to hell, and in total honesty, I really didn't understand why. Bella scared the hell out of me with her fall and her subsequent trip to the hospital. She didn't stay more than a day over there but the simple fact that she fainted showed me that she was vulnerable and weaker than usual. I knew that pregnant women could run into problems. Yet, like the idiot that I was, I thought that it would be different for Bella. It turned out that it wasn't different. I couldn't help the need I felt to protect her more than I used to. I really wanted to make things easier for her. She was the one who had to bear the difficulty of carrying a baby. I felt useless; so, by giving her special attentions I thought it would be a way to get more involved.

I guess I was wrong on this one, too. Bella didn't want any help at all. Neither from me nor from anybody else. She spent her entire day rejecting the help we all offered her. I was aware that pregnant women were sometimes difficult to live with because of their mood changes, but the fact that Bella was stubborn by nature didn't improve the situation. I didn't want to cause any outbursts from her because she had to rest as much as she could. Nevertheless, there were times when all I wanted to do was scream at her to stop pushing us away and to finally let us help her.

There were days like today when all I wanted was to pour out all my frustrations on her. I knew that I couldn't because, deep inside, it was clear that Bella was sorry to behave like this. Why she couldn't stop herself was a mystery to me, though. Take yesterday, for example. She was in the bathroom, having a shower before going to bed. She thought that it made it easier for her to fall asleep. I was watching the TV when I heard the sound of something falling to the floor followed by Bella's swearing. Since our disastrous Thanksgiving I was a bit oversensitive when it came to Bella and falls, no matter what was falling down. I went to knock on the bathroom door to make sure that she was okay. For me, it was the most natural thing to do. Even if she hadn't been pregnant I would have gone and check on her. I hadn't expected the yelling that greeted me.

"It was just this freaking bottle of shampoo, Jake! I'm not going to die in here. Just give it a rest and leave me alone for God's sake!"

I think I stayed standing in front of the closed door for a whole five minutes, stunned, simply because I hadn't thought she would react so violently. I was just trying to be nice! When she finally came out of the bathroom, I was back in the living room. I looked up when the strong smell of her coconut shower gel entered the room. She was standing in the doorway in her pajamas, and I could see that she was sorry for what had just happened. A few kisses later she was forgiven but I didn't know if I was going to be able to put up with such behavior until April.

And today wasn't different from the other days. But it was a Saturday, which meant that we were going to spend the whole day together. I really felt like I needed some fresh air or I would have lost my mind. Even though I didn't like to leave Bella alone, I spent the afternoon at the community center, playing football. All the members of the pack were one way or the other deeply involved in tribal life, which was a good thing. We all wanted the kids to get an education outside of the reservation but we also wanted them to get to know the tribe's history, to try to make them attach to their past.

The fact that Bella wasn't mad at me when I came back home surprised me. I thought that she would give me a hard time for leaving her alone. Maybe we would manage to get a nice evening out without any pregnancy hormone interference. Tonight's dinner meant a lot to the guys and me. When we were teenagers, we were all very close to each other. This whole werewolf business was new to us, so sticking together helped us accept it and adapt to it more easily. But now we almost all had families of our own and those who didn't had imprints to care about. Paul retired some years ago when he went to live in Seattle with my sister. Jared was thinking about retiring, too; plus I had the feeling that retirement would soon come for Sam. Besides, we didn't run as many patrols as we used to. Vampires didn't come here as often as they used to. We still killed some from time to time but they seemed to avoid the area.

Getting everybody together for one night was a good occasion to catch up. But I should have known that Bella wouldn't be able to keep her mood in check. Fortunately for us, only Embry witnessed our argument in the car. It would have been a lot more embarrassing if more people had seen us. You would have thought that even if her mood was getting out of control when we were in private, she would still have the decency to remain polite when we were in public. All I wanted to do was go into this restaurant and enjoy myself. Preferably with awesome food. The last thing I wanted was to watch my every word provoke another argument. But the thing that was worrying even me more was that Bella could snap at someone other than me.

I'd never imagined that someday I would say something like this: I was actually afraid of how Bella was going to behave in public. It was wrong. I shouldn't mind how my wife was behaving. Because, usually, it was Bella who asked me to behave. According to her, I stopped growing up at fifteen and still acted like a teenager. Maybe sometimes it was true, especially when I was with Quil.

Right now, I was just going to have to ask everybody to be very careful when talking to Bella. At the same time, I was hoping that she'd make an effort to be nice for a few hours and that she stayed in the car. Not because she was behaving like a child but because she wanted to calm down. I couldn't believe all of this applied to Bella, it was so out-of-character for her. People weren't joking when they said that pregnancies completely messed up women.

When Embry and I stepped into the restaurant, I noticed that almost everybody was already there. The only people missing were Emily, Seth and Bella, who was still outside. And I was sure as hell not going to go after her. If it would prevent her from throwing a fit in public, I was determined not to talk to her at all. It kind of sucked. I wanted my Bella back, but I guessed that I had no choice.

"What's up, lover boy?" Paul asked loudly while slapping my back when we joined the circle of our friends. He kept on calling me by the stupid nickname I got when we were teenagers and had apparently no intention to let it go any time soon.

"Bella's giving him a hard time," Embry replied before I could even open my mouth. That was just perfect. Now everybody knew what was going on. I had the intention to ask them to be careful but I didn't want them to know the details. Couldn't this idiot have kept his mouth shut? On top of everything, Paul burst into laughter and even Jared smiled. But he, at least, was trying to show some compassion. After all, he suffered enough with Kim.

"Pregnant women are a pain in the ass," he said before kissing Kim so she couldn't argue on this. I remember that when she was pregnant with Shannon, Kim used to make Jared sleep on the couch for nothing; we had to watch every word we were saying because she took everything as an insult. During the last month of her pregnancy we all agreed to avoid their house completely, which turned out to be a bad idea given that it pissed her off even more. Thinking about all of this was actually scary. I would give everything in order for Bella not to become like that.

"You've got bad days and good days, Jake. In the end, you won't even hold it against her," Jared assured me at the exact moment that Bella and Seth chose to enter the restaurant. She looked calmer now but it didn't mean anything. Before the argument in the car, she was pretty calm in our bedroom.

"Just watch what you say, please," I asked them hastily.

When Seth and Bella joined us, Kim and Rachel asked her how she was doing, yet they were careful not to refer directly to last Thursday. We finally all settled down at the table and my sister cleverly focused the conversation on Sam, asking about Emily and the baby while I dove into my menu. Bella was sitting next to me but I was resolute to stick to the idea of not talking to her in order to maintain the calm atmosphere. If she wanted to talk, she would have to make the first step. I wasn't the one taking risks anymore. Just when I was about to turn my head to talk to Quil, I felt Bella's hand on mine. I looked down at her when she apologized, seeing that she looked really sorry. I smiled a little, hoping that she would keep on being sorry for the rest of the evening instead of changing her mind and mood once again.

………

Against all my fears, dinner was actually going pretty fine. They were all watching what they were saying to Bella but she still was part of the conversation. She wasn't left aside. The only problem was that Embry was including Bella a bit too much into his excited discussion about how great Beth was. Embry was a complete idiot. Talking about imprinting to Bella was one of the best ways to piss her off even before she got pregnant. Sometimes, I thought that our lives would be so much easier if I'd imprinted on her. Bella wouldn't be so insecure about the future and it would be such a relief for me. I wanted to keep Bella forever. I didn't want someone else to replace her. My love for my wife was powerful, the most powerful thing I'd ever felt in my entire life, no matter how many mood swings she could experience during one single day. But it wasn't imprinting; even though I often had a hard time seeing the difference between what Jared felt for Kim and what I felt for Bella. Imprinting was the stupidest thing in the world.

"Hey, dude. Seriously. Stop talking about Beth to Bella,' I pleaded with Embry when she left her chair to go to the bathroom. "Don't you know Bella at all? She's going to get mad if you keep doing it," I added when he gave me a look showing that he didn't understand why I was asking such a thing. Embry _was_ stupid.

"Oh, right. I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one you have to apologize to," I said, leaning back on my seat. By doing this, my shoulder bumped into something. Someone behind me let out a cry of surprise before I felt something hot and sticky running down my shirt. When I turned my head to see what had happened I realized that while I was talking to Embry, a waitress had arrived. She must have bent over to give his plate to Quil and, because I was busy trying to avoid a disaster between Embry and Bella, I didn't notice her. And now, I had hot, sticky sauce on my shirt. Bella was going to kill me.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" the waitress exclaimed, almost dropping the entire plate on my lap.

"It's okay, don't worry." It wasn't really okay; Bella bought this shirt just a month ago. She was going to go crazy on me. "Do you have somewhere I could…maybe clean this a little?"

"Oh, sure, follow me. I'm so sorry!" she repeated while leading the way to a small room that looked like a laundry room. "I think it's better if I wash your shirt right now. I don't want to ruin it completely."

I couldn't agree more on this. If there was something that could ease the anger Bella was going to experience when she heard this story, I was totally for it. I unbuttoned my shirt to give it to the girl. I was waiting for her to find a sweatshirt or a tee-shirt that I could wear until I'd get mine back but, instead, she made to leave the room and return to work.

"Excuse me! Do you have something else I could wear?"

"Oh, God, yes! I'm so, so sorry. Really. I don't know what's wrong with me, today."

"It happens sometimes. Don't worry. As long as my shirt comes out of this washing machine as it was before, everything's cool. Then my wife won't kill me."

"I'll tell her it's all my fault."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. She's pregnant; she's a bit too sensitive," I explained, finding that it felt good to release the pressure a bit and to turn the whole situation into something less dramatic. The waitress laughed at the same moment as I spotted Bella looking at us with a weird look on her face.

"What were you doing in there?" Hell, no. Why did she sound so angry? Why did she _look_ so angry? I could practically see the wheels in her head trying to figure out what was going on. Knowing her, her imagination must be running wild. I needed to get this straight before she started picturing the worst.

"It's funny, actually. She…"

"I don't see anything funny. What were you doing?" Her voice was getting angrier. _Guess Good Bella's gone for the night_. The waitress must have sensed that things were going bad because she left us, saying that she would bring the shirt back later. "Well?" God, no. Now, it looked like Bella was going to cry. She didn't even know what happened but she was making such a big deal out of it.

"Why are you getting so angry, Bells? It's nothing, really. She…"

"It didn't look like nothing!" she hissed before walking back to our table. Oh, no. She wasn't going to leave without getting an explanation. I got it that she was pregnant, that her hormone level skyrocketed, but it wasn't a reason to run away from problems.

"Wait! You're overreacting, Bella. Really. I don't know what you're thinking but you're wrong."

"You don't know what I'm thinking? Don't be such a hypocrite, Jake. You know exactly what I'm thinking. Let go of me."

She jerked out of my hand, looked at my chest with disgust and went back to our table. Okay. Now I knew what Bella was thinking. What did she think I was doing with this waitress? How could she think such a thing only because the shirt I had on was half-unbuttoned? Couldn't she see it wasn't even my own shirt? I was trying to stay nice, not to say anything to set her off but she was literally killing me. The worst part was that she didn't seem to care about other people anymore.

Bella wanted to leave the restaurant altogether. Leaving our friends, leaving our dinner. She was completely out of her mind. She didn't want me next to her; apparently from her perspective I had done something unforgivable and nothing that I could say would convince her of the contrary. She didn't want me next to her but there was no way she was getting to drive by herself tonight. As much as I wanted to yell at her that she was wrong, I didn't want to make a scene in front of all our friends, in front of people I didn't know. Bella was the one who made the scene. If I didn't want her to drive, she was going to go with Seth. The only thing I would never, ever permit Bella to do as long as she was pregnant, was to ride on a motorcycle. It seemed that, sometimes, she didn't even care that she wasn't alone anymore, that she was carrying a little something inside of her. Since she'd become pregnant, she'd lost all her rationality.

"Man, what did you do?" Paul asked when Bella stormed out of the restaurant.

"I don't know! I was just with…oh, shit! She's driving me crazy! Here, take her home," I added for Seth, throwing him the car keys.

"I think you should give her some time to calm down," Kim suggested. What I wanted to do was to beat Bella home so we could have a normal conversation between two normal, as far as this was possible, grown-ups. I needed to make it clear that the way she was behaving wasn't going to work out. But Kim was surely right. Bella was pretty upset when she left and to her, her anger seemed totally justified. I needed her to cool down before facing me again. So, I stayed at the restaurant while waiting to get my shirt back. Actually, it was the shirt's entire fault, in the first place.

I spent the next hour or so sitting on my chair, rummaging through my dark thoughts, not taking part in any of the conversations. Bella was mad because she thought I did something with the waitress. Was this waitress even good-looking? If that was the case, I didn't notice it. It hurt a lot more than I could have imagined seeing that Bella thought so little of me. The idea to cheat on her would never cross my mind. So why had it crossed hers? She was supposed to have faith in me, to trust me. Not to jump to conclusions without any proof. Not to jump to wrong conclusions. I knew she felt insecure but this level of insecurity was not acceptable. Even for us.

I kept on thinking about this the entire ride back to La Push. I drove Seth's motorcycle, because the kid needed it back, one way or the other. The way Bella treated me had been very offensive and insulting. The closer I was getting to our house, the angrier I was getting towards her. There was no point in hoping that the conversation would be a smooth one. I was _so_ tired of all the drama in our lives. I wanted our marriage to be like it was three months ago. I wanted laughs, I wanted smiles. No more screaming.

Seth stepped out of the house when he heard the sound of his bike. He left soon afterwards, not without asking me to 'take it easy on Bella because she's really sorry.' I was going to be as nice as I could, but I needed to tell her what was on my mind. I needed to tell her that she had to stop behaving like an immature, jealous wife. I found her in the living room, sitting on the couch and stroking the dog's head. She must have clearly heard me entering the house yet she made no sign to acknowledge my presence in the room.

"What the hell was that about, Bella?" I asked after a moment of painful silence. In the quiet space, my voice sounded like a roar and was harsher than I intended. Bella's shoulders fell down a little but she didn't look up at me. "Bella? You didn't even give me a chance to explain. You got all crazy for nothing! Look at me!" I asked, my voice once again louder than expected. Bella cringed and my resolution diminished a bit. I didn't want to scare her. I wanted her to understand that she'd been wrong. I went to sit next to her, the closest I could to her. Her hands were shaking. Hell, her whole body was shaking.

That was it. I couldn't bring myself to be mad at her anymore. All my anger suddenly vanished because my wife was silently crying and was too afraid to even look into my eyes. I hated myself. She had to see that I didn't mean any harm. Carefully, very carefully, I took Bella's face in my hands to wipe off the tears that lingered on her cheeks. Her eyes were closed but the shaking seemed to have stopped for now.

"Bella, listen. The waitress spilled sauce on my shirt. When you saw us, she was apologizing for it. We were in this room because I gave her my shirt to wash it. My shirt was still unbuttoned because it was one she just gave to me while waiting for the other one to be cleaned. If you'd waited for me to explain, you wouldn't have put us through all of this," I explained slowly, pausing after each sentence to let her process the information.

"But she was so good…," Bella began to say, finally opening her eyes. In them, I could discern a strange mixture of fear, like she felt threatened by something, and of anger, though I didn't know towards whom it was directed.

"Did you seriously think I was attracted to _that_ waitress? Don't you know me at all, Bella? Do you really think I'm obsessed by sex?" Maybe I was, but the only sex I was interested in was with Bella. She had to understand that.

"Do you think I can't live without sex? Do you think I could jump on whichever girl I came across because you're not available? It's not true, Bella. You know it's not. And it hurts to see that it's what you think." It really was hurting more than anything else. Bella was the only girl for me. Ever.

"I know you have had a hard time adjusting to what the doctor asked and, trust me, it's the same for me." Bella rested her head on my shoulder while her hand landed on my thigh, involuntarily a little too high on it, making my last admission even truer. Not having sex was certainly one of the reasons that were making Bella so unstable. I was an idiot. I should have figured this out earlier.

"I hate to have to keep my hands to myself; sometimes it drives me crazy. But I didn't marry you just for the sex, Bells. Granted, the sex is great. Just because we have to slow down doesn't mean I'm going to turn my back on you to go get some other girl every time I have the opportunity to."

I guessed I was going to be the only one having this conversation. Yet, I didn't really mind. It felt good to finally be able to say all that I'd kept deep inside without Bella getting mad at me. On the contrary, I could feel her body relax with every minute passing by.

"If it was just for the sex, I wouldn't have married you. I married you because I think you're smart, caring, because you're natural and sweet, because you make life feel easier. I married you because I love you. Not only because you're good in bed." And God, she was. If she could just take her hand off my thigh, right now. I was getting uncomfortable. "I can do without sex." With some difficulty, sure. But I would find a way.

"I'm sorry, Jake," Bella finally whispered. She lifted up her head to kiss my cheek softly. "I don't know what got into me. I'm so, so sorry. It's just that people keep on invading my space and it's suffocating. And I'm exhausted, really exhausted."

"Do you know why you're exhausted, honey? Because your body's struggling to adjust to the baby, right. But you're exhausted because you spent the entire week trying to keep people away from you. You have to stop doing this. Can you see how much it affected you in just ten days? You're never going to make it until April. You have to accept that people care about you. We don't do it to annoy you. Far from it. We do it because you mean a lot to us. If you have less hours at work, it's because people don't want you to hold classes while you're tired. They want you to hold fewer classes, but where you're full of energy. If Sue brings dinner it's not because she thinks you can't cook. Hell, she would be out of her mind if she thought so. If you don't have to cook, you have more time to rest. Do you understand?"

"Wow, what a speech, Jake," Bella joked with a small smile. Yeah, that's my girl. She finally seemed to get that she needed to let people in.

"And I'm not done yet. If I do _this_…," I said while standing up and giving my hand to Bella so she could follow my lead. When she was on her feet, I carefully put her arms around my neck and, as she was giving me a curious look, I took her in my arms, bridal style. "If I do this, it's not because I think you're too weak to walk. I know perfectly well that you can walk by yourself. I do it coz' you mean a lot to me and I'm here to take care of you. In sickness and in health. Remember?"

"I'm not sick…," Bella protested as I was walking to our bedroom. It was her major argument. She wasn't sick, she was pregnant.

"But you're not completely healthy either, Bells. Don't worry. I'm here to make it better. That's my job."

Her head was resting on my shoulder; the locks of her hair were intermingled with the dark curtain of my own hair. Her eyes were closed again but her body felt completely relaxed so I knew they weren't closed because she was afraid. And there was the hint of a smile on her face. It was better than nothing. When I arrived next to our bed, I bent down to put Bella on her feet again but she clenched harder on my neck. It wasn't her weak resistance that prevented me from doing what I wanted to do. It was all that I could sense behind it. She didn't want me to go away. She didn't want me to let her down. Like I was ever going to do such a thing.

I laid Bella down on the bed before lying beside her. Her arms were still locked around my neck and I could feel her breath on my face with every heavy expiration she took. Her lips were just too inviting to ignore. They were cold and salty from her recent tears but they tasted exactly like Bella. Just like the smell which was becoming stronger in the room. My close presence was affecting her as much as her presence was affecting me. But the doctor said…

"How can you not be mad at me?" Bella finally asked when she drew away from me to get some air. Her eyes were now full of shame. I didn't know how to answer her question because I was actually asking myself the same thing. Half a hour ago I was really angry at her; yet, now that Bella was next to me on this bed, looking at me with these big brown eyes which were showing me things I didn't want to see in them, I couldn't bring myself to be mad anymore.

"Right now, I'm so mad at myself. I shouldn't have thought about it even for a second. I know you wouldn't do something like that. But she was so _hot_ and I'm so plain and fat and unattractive and…"

"Stop," I cut her off. Maybe I could find a way around the doctor's orders. Bella needed it. She needed the release from all the stress of last week. She needed to see that she was still desired. That I still wanted her.

"What are you doing, Jake?" Bella asked in a whisper when my hand left her neck to slide down her side. Her whole body shivered when it barely touched her clothed breast. Bella tried to move away but I knew she wanted this. The smell was maddening and it was all over the room. There was no way I could escape it now. I wanted this as much as she did. I rolled her on her back so she was laying flat, her stomach creating a little hill but I wasn't going to think of the baby now. Right now, the only thing that mattered was Bella and me. I hovered over her, trying to find the best place for my legs that wouldn't hurt her. I recaptured her lips in mine, pushing my tongue into her mouth and was rewarded by a soft moan from Bella. I knew she was afraid because of what the doctor said but it didn't prevent her from locking her hands in my hair to pull me closer.

"I'm making you feel better. Just, don't think," I said, before heading down to her neck while my hands were busy lifting her dress up. I trailed kisses all over her covered chest and even if it wasn't on her skin, it seemed to have the same effect for her. She was trembling and when I looked up at her, her eyes were once again closed yet, this time, the smile on her face was a real contented one. Bella moaned quietly when my fingers slipped under the elastic of her tights. I wanted to be gentle, really, but I couldn't. Not now that I was so close to the smell of her arousal. The tights were ripped in a few seconds and after that I was kissing Bella's inner thighs, inching very slowly to where I most wanted to go. Because we hadn't been so close in more than a week didn't mean I had to ruin everything by rushing through things. I felt Bella's hand in my hair which made me smile against her skin at the thought of when our situation was reversed.

I lifted my eyes to see her looking down at me, a big smile on her face. We were back to normal, even though I wasn't done with her at all. The smile on my face got even bigger when I realized that, despite everything, Bella had still put some nice panties on for tonight. Panties that didn't last long. I didn't think it was possible but the smell coming from Bella was stronger than ever now that she was half naked. I inhaled deeply, taking in as much of it as I was capable of and kissed her curly brown hairs. Bella's moans were now the irregular background noise in the once quiet room. They were more than encouraging. I licked her flesh slowly but even if I wanted to take it easy on her, my rhythm sped against my will. I just needed to steal her smell with my mouth.

I'd been with some girls in my life but none of them smelled as inviting or as good as Bella. None of them tasted as good as Bella. It was like I couldn't live without it. If it was the same for Bella, no wonder she was having a hard time adjusting to what the doctor advised. Maybe we took it the wrong way. Maybe we shouldn't have stopped altogether overnight. Maybe it was like cigarettes. We had to stop step by step in order to really succeed. Yeah, that was surely going to work better and prevent us from losing our minds. I missed Bella, I missed the intimacy. I didn't want to acknowledge that because I thought it was selfish but Bella had been the same way. In a sense, it was comforting.

"Oh, Jake, your…tongue is just like…magic, ugh…," Bella managed to say between moans and it simply pushed me farther inside of her. I wanted to go deeper, I wanted to give her more but I was aware that I couldn't. My tongue was all she was going to get, no matter what my desire was, so I had to make it perfect for her. My hand massaged the tender flesh at the top of her thighs while my tongue was still buried deep inside of her.

It wasn't long before Bella's whole body began to quiver and her hand tugged harder on my hair. I increased my thrusts until she cried out my name, the sweetest thing I'd ever heard coming out of her mouth. I cleaned her flesh to the last drop, then kissed her one last time. I went back to face level with Bella, then we rolled on our sides. I kissed her nose tenderly and we didn't say anything for a long time. We kept on looking into each other eyes as she stroked my cheek ever so slowly. She was coming back to her senses and I was trying to find a position for my legs which wouldn't feel as uncomfortable as I was now.

"It's your turn, now," Bella decided when she realized how tight my pants must feel. I stopped her before her hands could go south. Tonight was about making her feel better, about her realizing that she could count on me, that I still was attracted to her. I felt really hot right now, in more than one sense of the term. Making her feel better turned me on more than usual and I kind of needed to take a shower now.

"I'm okay, Bella. I'll take care of it myself," I whispered, kissing her again to erase the pout on her face. Guess I was just going to get reacquainted with my hand. I would have loved Bella to do what she intended to do but she was exhausted. I could see it in her eyes. We would resume another time. It wasn't all about sex. I couldn't believe I was really thinking this. These past months, our life had been all sex, it was actually kind of cool. But being married wasn't just about getting wild in our bedroom, or our bathroom, or our kitchen, or even our living room. I said it earlier to Bella. I really meant it. We were going to learn to live like real married people. Besides, we didn't need the sex to get closer and to spend time together. Bella and I were great at having fun outside the house before getting married. We were going to go back a bit to that. Yeah, that sounded good.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Bella asked quietly. I propped myself on my elbow to look down at her, at her messy hair, at her flushed face, at her swollen lips and the smile on them. Her whole body radiated heat from what just happened between us. The heat was pulling me closer but I blocked it out. My body wasn't going to get control over my brain…hopefully.

"I love you, Bells. Never doubt it."

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A/N: Okay, so if any of you have a LJ account, I'm nominated for the SOB Best WIP award. If you like Dealing With The Kangaroo, you can vote for me if you want (I'll make you cookies if you do :) Voting ends January, 24th so hurry :) Here's the link:

http://community(dot)livejournal(dot)com/sortofbeautiful/1845215(dot)html#cutid1

I leave you a small teaser for next chapter. I'm aware that this one is really mean for you but I hope you'll forgive me (You can't see me but right now, I'm crossing my fingers really hard!).

**Chapter 20: What Sam Wanted. (Jacob's POV)**

**In a few seconds, she closed the space between us and her small hand collided with my jaw. The slap didn't hurt me. I didn't feel anything. Not on the physical level, anyway. On the emotional level, it was the worst slap I'd ever received in my life. I betrayed her. All these years, I'd been lying to her.**


	21. Chapter 20

I wasn't planning on updating this chapter so quickly but you were all so freaked out because of the teaser that I took pity on you so here you are. Enjoy.

Thanks again to my beta, **faite-comme-moi** because without her you would get random references about French culture in this chapter and you wouldn't understand a thing about it. She's here to make it all perfect so you can thank her.

Disclaimer: In case you haven't noticed yet, none of these characters belongs to me. I do own a cute wolf toy, though.

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**2O. What Sam Wanted.**

**_Thursday, December 11th._**

**_Jacob's POV._**

I would like, just once in my life, to get a white Christmas, a white December. But snow didn't seem to like La Push. All that we got here was frost, one hell of a wind, and plenty of rain. It was a sort of frozen rain but it was rain nevertheless. Not snow. I may have been acting like a kid but I wanted to get snow, even if it was just for a few hours. I would trade all the stupid rain that fell in a week for just one single, tiny snowflake. The rain didn't upset me I was used to it. But it was _December_. I wanted snow.

Someone in the room turned on the radio, filling the space with loud music. I turned away from the window I had been staring out to come back to reality. The day was over for us. It was time for the guys to chill out, open some beer and talk about girls. I still had a bit of time to spare before going to meet Sam. I could use a beer, too. I crashed onto the couch next to our new apprentice, who looked kind of lost. We weren't intimidating but we were sort of close to each other. We'd been working together for years now and I could understand that, for a newcomer, it must be hard to blend in easily.

"Here, take this," I told him, handing him a beer accompanied by a slap on his shoulder. He would get used to the guys. They weren't scary, just a bit crazy. He looked at the can with apprehension, not sure if he had to really accept it. "It won't kill you. I promise."

"It's just that…I'm only…nineteen," he admitted in a whisper, which made all the other men in the room burst into laughter. Great. That's the perfect way to make him feel better: let's all make fun of him. The poor kid really looked scared now. I wasn't sure he was going to come back tomorrow after all. Was it so hard to be cooperative and more welcoming to a new co-worker? I worked with a bunch of stupid people.

"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. I'm sort of their boss, you know," I reassured him, kicking Tommy's leg in reproach when he passed in front of us. The new boy hesitated another minute but finally grabbed the beer before I could suggest a Coke if he really was uncomfortable with the alcohol. I'd been drinking alcohol since I was sixteen, except when I was with Charlie. I might be an idiot but I wouldn't have courted disaster. I guessed some people weren't the same as me and really cared about the law. He took a hesitant sip of beer and I heard his heartbeat slowing down. The guys were teasing him because he was shyer than any of us but that wasn't fair. I lived with someone who used to be shy when she was younger - hell, Bella was sometimes still shy. It wasn't something to make fun of.

I took a long sip of my beer, almost chocking in the process when I realized something. Wait a minute. What's going on here? It suddenly felt like the scene in front of me was in slow motion and I was only a spectator. The guys were making fun of the boy; he didn't have the courage to answer back to them. And I defended him. I defended him because he was a kid surrounded by idiots. Because he was a kid. I defended him because he was defenseless against them. Because he was a kid. And I took up his defense just as if he was…oh, God. Guess that paternal instinct really exists after all. I had it. It was coming to the surface, right now. My beer was empty a few seconds after this realization hit me.

"Don't listen to them. I think the boss hires people only if they have a low IQ. With the exception of you and me," I said to the boy. I needed to talk to prevent the smile on my face when I thought that I was responding to the fact that I was going to have a baby. I was going to be a father. It was scary as ever; yet, at the same time, I had the feeling I was going to love it. Plus, I already knew I wouldn't let morons make fun of him, or her. I had to tell Bella. She was going to be thrilled. Talking about Bella, I needed to go meet Sam now, so I would be able to get home sooner. Whatever Sam wanted to talk about shouldn't take a long time even though I didn't have a clue what it was about.

"I'm leaving. D'you need a ride home…Andy?" I asked, rapidly scanning the badge on the boy's shirt to refresh my memory of his name. If nobody else wanted to give a damn about him, I was going to take him under my wing. I didn't know how it felt to be a new employee but I needed to make it easier for him to integrate into our group.

"No, thanks. I've got my bike."

It turned out that Andy's bike wasn't the 'bike' I thought it was. It was the kind of bike with an engine, the same kind of bike as mine. I shouted good bye over the roaring of the two motorcycles and I was off to Sam's.

To say that Sam's call last night surprised me was an understatement. He didn't say anything more than that he wanted to talk to me and that it had something to do with the pack. I'd kept wondering what I'd done wrong but there was nothing I could come up with. I'd missed some patrols lately, right, but I had a good reason to do so. Bella was pregnant. She was tired because she couldn't sleep well at night. So, it was only fair for me to help her as much as I could, which meant that I'd met the vacuum cleaner for the first time in my life, along with the stuff to clean the bathroom and kitchen. I didn't miss patrol because I was lazy or because I didn't want to go. The day I wouldn't want to phase and go on patrol wasn't going to arrive any time soon. Believe me.

If Sam was mad at me because of this, I wasn't going to accept his criticism. Bella was as important to me as the pack was. Sometimes, I just needed to make her first on the list of my priorities. Sam was married; he knew what I meant, what I was going through. Plus, when Kim was pregnant with Mark and on bedrest for more than a month, Jared was off duty the whole time. No. Sam wouldn't blame me for making my wife my priority. Then, what was wrong? Why did he need to talk to me? Or maybe he didn't want to talk just to me? Maybe everybody else was coming. I should have given Embry or Quil a call to ask them.

Yet, when I parked my bike in front of Sam and Emily's house, there wasn't any other car except for Sam's. I was a bit late so it wasn't likely that anybody else was going to arrive. I took off my helmet before walking to the front door. I could hear Jason's laughter from inside, along with Emily's voice asking the boys to calm down. All right. So, now, I was looking forward to this, too. Funny how something that didn't exist six months ago could make me so happy and so impatient all of a sudden. My knock on the door was answered within seconds by a very tired Emily.

"Hi, Jake. Come on in," she said, motioning me inside with a movement of her head, her arms being taken up by her baby girl. She looked so tiny in her mother's arms that I didn't want to imagine how tiny she would be in _my_ arms. I would probably crush her.

"Sam? Jacob's here," Emily announced in the general direction of the kitchen. She closed the door behind me but I was still looking at the little girl. I wanted my own. I wanted the baby to be a girl, a baby girl. I knew Bella had the feeling it was a boy but I would prefer if it was a girl. We were going old-fashioned on this so it was fun to discuss all the possibilities with Bella. A lot of people wanted to know the sex of their baby before it was born but back like, a century ago, people didn't have the opportunity to know in advance and they got along pretty well with this fact. I simply didn't see why it should be different for us. Keeping it a surprise was even better.

Some guys feel nothing when their wife, or girlfriend, are expecting a baby. They just sit around, watch the belly grow (and grow and grow) but they don't feel a pull. They don't feel anything different except for the physical part. I was definitely feeling something, even when I wasn't around Bella. I was beginning to imagine all the things that were going to change soon with the baby in my life and I wanted them all. Badly. I wanted them like I'd never wanted anything before. Well, no. Not as much as I'd wanted Bella, but it wasn't the same thing. I wanted to get to do all the fatherly things even though a baby meant the end of freedom as I knew it. A few weeks ago, I thought for a couple of hours that Bella had lost the baby. It had been scarier than I could have thought. I truly realized then that the baby was real, it existed, but not on its own. It needed Bella to be healthy so it could be, too. Like Bella said, she wasn't expecting a baby. We were.

Jason ran into the room, bringing my daydream to an end. Sam followed him, a big smile on his face. Yet, when he saw me, the smile disappeared and he was all serious again. I must have done something wrong. He wouldn't look like this if everything was all right. He asked me to come into the kitchen and talk so I did, and there I was, sitting at the kitchen table while he paced back and forth in front of me, apparently thinking deeply.

"How long have you been my second, Jacob?" Sam finally asked, stopping his walk abruptly to look at me. His question caught me off guard but I still managed to give an approximate number.

"Seven years, I guess. Why?"

"You know I promised Emily I would stop phasing soon after Leah's birth and maybe you think it's crazy, but it would make a good Christmas present. I just need to discuss it with you." He paused, an intense look in his eyes which made me hold my breath against my will. "If I stop phasing, the pack needs a leader. And that means that it would be you, Jacob."

I didn't expect this at all. Was he really asking me to take charge of the pack? Was he asking me to step up? We weren't in wolf form so it shouldn't have affected me so much but I couldn't help the huge wave of pride that washed through my whole body when Sam said these simple sentences. The pack would need a leader. And it would be me. I liked being a wolf, despite everything I used to say when I was younger. True, it wasn't something I had chosen. It'd been imposed on me. If I could have lived without it, I would have been fine, but phasing was a part of me now, it was a part of my life. I couldn't deny it. And I liked it. I liked the fact that I could defend my tribe, my people, my family, my friends, and the whole local population. I liked the idea that I was doing something useful even if few people knew about our existence.

Sam had been the first of us to phase. At the time, there was no point in denying his authority. Moreover, I hadn't wanted to. I didn't want the responsibility. I didn't want to give orders. I didn't want to have anyone's death on my conscience if something went wrong. I was just a kid and following Sam's orders was simply perfect for me. I knew Sam would have stepped down without problem if I'd wanted to take his place sooner but I hadn't so we'd worked out just fine. But now, it was different. I was going to be 24 in a month, I was a grown-up. I had grown up. I was more mature now, no matter what Bella said. I may sometimes act like a kid but, when it came to the pack, I was deeply involved. I'd known for years that I was ready to claim what was mine but I hadn't wanted to. It would have been awkward. As much as I wanted it, I didn't want to have to ask Sam to give up his Alpha position.

But now Sam was giving it to me. I didn't have to ask him for it. He was going to stop phasing. He was leaving the pack. The pack needed a leader. And it was going to be me. I'd been born for this. I was ready for this. I was ready to embrace the destiny which had been chosen for me. I should have been mad, considering the fact that I had no control over my destiny, but my fate was in my hands. Sam wasn't imposing this on me. He was just offering it, stating that no one was better than me for it. I could say no if I wanted to. The position would go to Jared if I'd say no. But I wasn't going to say no.

"If you think that you're ready for this, you can step up." Sam's voice brought me back to reality. I straightened up in my chair to look directly at him. I was more than ready for this. And he knew it.

"I'm ready, Sam." I expected my voice to be rather rough, given that I hadn't talked for a few minutes but it was the contrary. My voice was loud, clear and it echoed throughout the whole room. It wasn't a tone I usually used. I'd actually never spoken like that before. Sam looked as surprised as I was but he said nothing. Instead, he simply nodded and sat down opposite me. I wasn't even Alpha yet, but I already felt superior to him. Sam would never be under my orders given that he was going to completely stop phasing but I couldn't help the sensation that he was inferior to me. He had always been meant to be inferior to me and now, he truly was.

"I'm telling you this now to get you prepared because I want to try to stop phasing soon. I know it will be difficult so I don't want to be in charge of the others while I'm dealing with my own issues. I don't think I need to teach you much. You've been born with all of this already in you. You're a natural leader. You won't have any difficulty handling the bunch of idiots that they sometimes are. And if I had something to teach you I think you've already learned it by being my second."

"Thanks, Sam."

"You don't have to thank me. It should have been you from the start. I was just keeping the place warm for you."

"That's not what I meant. Thanks for what you've done for me. I know it's been mine since before I was even able to phase but you taught me everything I know. It's going to be weird without you putting everyone back in place."

Sam smiled and sighed at the same time, which brought his shoulders up and then down again. But it wasn't just breath leaving his body when he did so. It looked like a huge responsibility was off of him, like he looked lighter. We used to make fun of him, teasing him that he was making it too hard on himself but we were wrong. There was more to being Alpha than getting on our nerves. And now, it was my job. Wow. If it had this effect when I was in human form, I didn't want to imagine how powerful it was going to be when I phased the first time as the leader. It was going to knock me off my paws.

"I should be going home," I realized when I saw Emily entering the kitchen to get a bottle of milk ready for the baby. The simple mention of 'home' reminded me of something I completely forgot while I processed the fact that I was finally getting what was mine. Bella. Bella didn't like the fact that I was still phasing. She didn't say anything nowadays but I knew it nevertheless. She wasn't going to like the fact that I was becoming Alpha even if it wasn't going to change much for her. To her, I would still be phasing no matter if I was Alpha or not. Maybe I didn't need to tell her I was going to step up. She didn't need to know. No. That wasn't fair. She had to know.

I said goodbye to Sam and his family, got back on my bike and was off to my house. To my home. Our house wasn't in the main section of the little town; we were a bit apart from it. It was basically to be closer to my dad but also to be closer to the forest. I had direct access to the cover of the trees from our back yard. Plus, it was quiet. I couldn't live in a big city. Too much noise, too much agitation. La Push was just perfect. Our house looked perfect, even in the rain. It was completely dark outside but the living room window showed a little square of light from the inside. Because inside, it was all light. Thanks to Bella's mother.

She had spent the last weekend with us and it was kind of good. Bella surrendered to the fact that people could help her, which meant that the only thing left for her to do was cook. She would never have allowed her mom to step into the kitchen or even touch an utensil. But Renée found other occupations while she was with us. She was crushed to find out that at the beginning of December, our house didn't look like Christmas was less than a month away.

When she asked for our decorations and Bella admitted that we didn't have any yet, her mom had simply looked outraged. This meant that we spent the whole Saturday afternoon in Port Angeles, ending up buying the whole store. Now, our house was all Christmassy. There was green and red all over the place. We had this big crown of holly on the front door, candles on the fire place, along with the stocking with our name on them. You can't imagine how many names they had in stock. There was a long string of little lights flashing all around the living room, driving the dog crazy. We had a new tablecloth with Santas all over it on the kitchen table and the quilt with snowflakes on the couch. We even had a little Santa sled with reindeer on the coffee table. Renée had completely gone over the top but, in the end, it looked nice. The best thing was the Christmas tree. She had wanted us to buy a real one, one direct from the forest but we didn't. A real Christmas tree meant needles, needles that were going to fall down. And Bella didn't need the extra cleaning. So Renée reluctantly bought us a plastic Christmas tree. Even if it wasn't as perfect as she wanted it to be, it felt better for me. We were going to use it for years. I liked the idea that I was going to spend many, many Christmases with Bella. We could always buy a real tree (with real needles) another year.

When I stepped into the house, I didn't even have the time to take off my jacket that Bella was already at my side, wrapping her arms around my waist and squeezing like her life depended on it.

"Thanks God, you're home!" she exclaimed, her voice trembling. "The heater's gone crazy again and I don't know how to put it back on." Now that she mentioned it, it felt relatively cooler than usual inside. I didn't really feel the cold any more but even I could feel that it wasn't supposed to be _that_ cold indoors. I looked down at Bella to see that her lips were all blue. I bent down to kiss her because these, I could warm them up pretty rapidly. It wasn't a simple 'I'm home'-kiss; I kissed her for way longer than I'd planned. I knew she wasn't going to like the idea that I was stepping up within the pack and I was being selfish. I wanted to take as much of her sweetness as I could before she decided that I wasn't worth kissing for the rest of the night.

Even with clothes on, I could feel that her body was colder than it was supposed to be. Without taking my lips off of hers, I broke my arms free from her embrace to bring them to her shoulders. From there, I slid them down to rub her back. Bella moaned before pulling closer to my side as if to get as much heat as she could. I knew I had to stop but…just another minute. I would stop in another…minute.

"I think I'll start considering breaking the heater if that's the way you react when I'm cold," Bella joked when I finally decided to let her breathe again.

"You wouldn't know how to break it. It's too technical for your literary brain." Without letting go of her waist, I turned around to put the heater back on. This little box had been the death of me for the past three weeks. It was brand new so it shouldn't shut down all the time. I had to go see the guy we bought it from.

"What about using a hammer? There's nothing technical about that." Bella tiptoed to kiss my cheek softly, before kissing the smile that stretched across my face at her joke. I wasn't a good influence for Bella in the bad jokes department. "So, what did Sam want?" she asked, tucking behind my ear the lock of my hair that the rain had glued to my forehead.

I felt so proud and ecstatic that Sam had given me his place as leader. Unfortunately, Bella wasn't going to like it. I told myself it didn't really matter but now that she was next to me and I was looking into her eyes, it mattered. It was something big for me but for her, it basically changed nothing. She was going to take it fine, right?

"He's thinking about…retiring." I couldn't find another word to say it and this one sounded just fine. Bella's body tensed suddenly when I spoke. A second later she was breaking away from my arm to go back to her ironing board in the middle of the living room.

"Oh. That's nice," she finally said, not looking at me. "Emily must be relieved. But…what does it have to do with you? Was it a pack meeting or something like this? Do you have a protocol for retiring?" Even her voice seemed tense. She was sensing that there was something more to the story. Plus, she was making fun of it and I didn't really like this. I could accept that she didn't like the fact that I was phasing but she couldn't make fun of it.

"No. It was just Sam and me. He offered me to…step up." Bella's body completely froze, but this time it wasn't because it was cold in the house. She dropped the iron, almost missing the board in the process. When she looked up at me, her whole face was white. She met my gaze and held it for a moment. She looked hurt.

"What? I mean, no. No, you can't do this." With that, she was back to the task at hand though I wasn't sure that my tee-shirt was going to be wearable after she was through with it.

"Why not?" I asked back, trying not to get angry. It wasn't anything _that_ bad. I wasn't confessing that I was an alcoholic or a drug addict. I wasn't confessing that I'd gotten a job on the other side of the country. I was just taking Sam's post. It was a big deal from my side but for her, it was like nothing. At least, it was what I thought.

"Because if you take his place it means that you won't stop phasing soon and you promised you will. Why should Emily be the only one to get her husband all to herself? You can't step up. You promised."

"I've never promised that I'll never step up. I know you don't like it, the wolves and everything, but it's what I want. It's part of life, a huge part of it. It's my inheritance, my heritage. It's my life, Bella." She had to understand that.

"I'm part of your life, too! I'm your wife. I'm your family. I'm having your baby!" She stopped ironing my shirt, not that it needed it anymore, to look up at me again. I could see her eyes glistening with tears but this time I wasn't going to become a stupid puppy because she felt bad. I wanted this. I wanted to become Alpha. I just didn't want to have to choose between Bella and the pack. I didn't want to. "Please, you can't be serious. I know you don't want to be Alpha. You refused it the first time. You…"

"The first time I was 16! I was a kid. I was too young to understand what it meant. My whole life was changing so all I wanted was to rebel against this fate. But you've got to understand that it's in my blood; I can't deny it. It's my pride, it's my destiny. I want this. I won't deny it."

"So we won't get to decide this together? I live with you, Jake. This affects me as much as it affects you. You promised you'd stop phasing! You promised!" She screamed the last two words while slamming the iron back on the board. Her hands were shaking and the tears which were in her eyes seconds before were running down her cheeks. Why was it such a big deal for her? It didn't change anything at all in her life!

"Bells…I'll stop phasing…someday. I promised it and I promise it again. I'll keep my word. Isn't this enough?"

"Someday isn't enough! Can't you understand what it's like for me? I'm scared as hell each time you go chasing one of them! And being Alpha means phasing more often. Being out most of the time. It means more responsibility. It means going to kill every single vampire coming close to this area. I don't want to lose you to a vampire! I won't! Besides, when was the last time you killed a vampire? I think they got the message, Jake. They don't come here anymore. You could stop phasing altogether!"

Just because the last time I had killed a vampire was a month and a half ago and we hadn't seen another one since then didn't mean that we were safe to stop phasing! We had to keep on protecting our people, no matter what. Now that we were here, that we knew we could kill as many of these bloodsuckers as we could, we weren't all going to stop phasing. Maybe one day, one day, when all of the guys had families, nobody would want to phase anymore. But right now, I didn't want to stop. We still killed vampires on a regular basis. I wasn't going to stop.

"This is what I'm supposed to be, Bella! As much as I love you, I want to do this! Why can't you get it? I was born for this. It's something greater than me. Something I'm ready for now! Something I've been ready for since I became Sam's second! And now I have the opportunity to do it. You should be more supportive!"

I was angry now. We were both angry. This discussion wasn't going as smoothly as I'd hoped. It apparently _was_ a big deal for Bella, too. She stepped closer to me, her hands on her hips hidden under the big hoodie she was wearing because she was cold. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. She closed her mouth, frowning like she used to do when she was thinking very hard about something.

"Wait a minute. What was that? About being Sam's second?" Oh, shit! Shit, shit, shit! No! I didn't say it, right? Oh, shit. There was no going back now. "Jared is Sam's second…Oh my…Did you…Tell me you didn't lie to me."

She wasn't supposed to know. She wasn't supposed to find out. I should have lied again and not told her that Sam offered me the Alpha position. Everything would have been fine if I had lied again. I'd already forgotten about my previous lie. Jared being Sam's second was never something that popped into our usual conversations. It felt like, sometimes, I wasn't even lying. But she'd gotten me angry and I didn't watch my words. Now, she was really going to be mad at me. There was nothing I could do to prevent it, because I was the one in the wrong.

"Bella, listen. When you asked for us to give it another shot but your condition was for me to step down, I was just so happy to get you back. I thought it wasn't going to kill us if I didn't tell you that…"

"You've been second-in-chief for all these years? You…you…" In a few seconds, she closed the space between us and her small hand collided with my jaw. The slap didn't hurt me; I didn't feel anything. Not on the physical level, anyway. On the emotional level, it was the worst slap I'd ever received in my life. I betrayed her. All these years, I had lied to her. At the time it didn't seem like something big but now, I realized that it was. I shouldn't have lied. I'd been torn in two; I still was. I didn't like it. It was killing me. I couldn't bring myself to look at her again. But I had to. She was so close to me that her trembling body reverberated on mine.

"You're a liar! A dirty liar!" she shouted, pushing against my chest to make me back away from her. There was no amount of force in her fists that could make me move but I did, nevertheless. "How could you? I trusted you! We're supposed to make decisions together. Not lie to each other!"

"You should calm down, Bella. The doctor said…"

"I don't give a fuck about what the doctor said! You make decisions on your own, behind my back! You don't care about what I feel! You lie to me! You…Let me pass!"

She tried to push me away from my spot between the living room and the hallway. I stepped to the side so she could go to the bedroom. She clearly needed to be alone to calm down. I wanted to tell her that I was sorry for everything. For a split second, I even considered not taking Sam's offer if it meant that she would forgive me. But it wasn't in the bedroom that Bella intended to go. Faster than I thought her capable of, she grabbed her bag and her coat.

"You're not going anywhere, Bella. Not in this state of mind," I stated, catching her wrist and yanking her carefully away from the front door. She was mad but she was also pregnant. She needed someone to look after her. I wasn't going to let her go who-knows-where. "I understand that you must hate me right now, but you can't go. It's…"

"I can't go? I _can't_ go? You got me stuck in this place, Jacob! And now you want to get me stuck in this house, too? Move!"

The slap was bad but this was the worst. I was simply dumbfounded by what she had just said. I let go of her arm without even noticing it. She closed the door with a loud noise, and a few minutes later, I heard the car leaving the driveway. But I hadn't moved from where I was standing, my arms to my side, and tears in my eyes. She didn't mean that, right? She didn't mean it. She couldn't. She liked it here. She liked La Push. She always said she did.

I didn't even have the strength to go after her. I crashed to the floor.

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A/N:

Bad, bad, bad Jacob. I know. Don't hate him just yet. There's a good explanation behind every bad decision.

Reviews are always wonderful :)

You may have to wait some time before another update because instead of beta'ing Chapter 21, my beta had to work on a one-shot for one the contests I wanted to participate too. So you'll have plenty of time to wonder what's going to happen. And, because I like you all anyway, Chapter 21 will go with a brand new outtake. How cool is that?

**Chapter 21: Will you all stop ruining my life? (Bella's POV)**

**Seth squeezed my shoulder to comfort me. I felt a bit better when I was next to him because I knew he would never let me down. Never.**


	22. Chapter 21

No, I'm not dead, real life is just being too mean to us. But here's the new chapter.

I just wanted to say that my beta pointed out that the writing style in it is a bit different from I usually write, something that I hadn't noticed while writing the chapter! It's different but it reflects perfectly Bella's thoughts and distress so I hope you'll like it!

In case you had forgotten it, I have an amazing beta, **faite-comme-moi**, and without her you wouln't be able to read this story so you can thank her!

Disclaimer: I don't own Bella, or Seth, or any of the characters mentioned in this chapter but this isn't fresh news!

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**21. Will You All Stop Ruining My Life?**

_**Thursday, December 11****th****.**_

_**Bella's POV.**_

I didn't know where I was going but it didn't matter. I didn't care. All I wanted was to be as far away from the house as possible. I didn't want him to come after me. I had to put distance between the house and the car. I wanted to drive as far away as possible from what had just happened. I didn't want to think about it. I wanted to wake up to realize that it was just a bad dream. I wanted to stop crying so I could see where I was going but the tears didn't want to stop. I surrendered and parked the car on the side of the road, just at the entrance of Forks. The second I let go of the steering wheel, I noticed that my hands were shaking. I couldn't control it. I couldn't help it. I felt so bad.

How could he have done something like this to me? All these years he had been lying to me! Lying about the fact that he didn't want to be Alpha. Lying about the fact that he didn't have more responsibilities within the pack. About the fact that Jared was Sam's second. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe he had done something like this to me. It was just wrong. I choked on my sobs, which stopped my ability to breathe for a few seconds. My hand hurt. I shouldn't have hit him so hard. Yet, in a sense, it hadn't felt as hard as it should have been. I wanted to slap him again, to break something, anything, to release the anger I was feeling right now. It was the steering-wheel which was my punching bag for the night.

After a very long moment, after my eyes drained dry and I felt like there were no tears left in my body, I began to calm down a bit. My body stopped shaking. It was a good thing because it meant that I could drive again. I needed to drive. I needed to drive to stop thinking about what happened. Plus, I was feeling cold. I hadn't put the heating on and now that my hands weren't busy handling the steering wheel anymore I could really feel that it wasn't warm in the car. I needed to drive but I didn't know where to. I'd unconsciously come to Forks. I knew who I wanted to talk to but Seth was at work. I didn't want to go wait for him at Charlie's. I didn't want to talk to my father. More importantly, I didn't want him to see the wreck that I was right now. I didn't want to go see Seth at the station, either. I didn't want his colleagues to see me like this. I was ugly enough when I was feeling rather okay so, at that precise moment, I didn't want to imagine what my face must look like.

But I had nowhere else to go. I had escaped from the only place where I felt safe. I couldn't go back there; it was out of the question for the moment. I couldn't bear to see his face again. Not tonight. I had no place to go except this car. I could always go back to La Push but where would I go? Billy's? No. He must have known about Jacob being Sam's second. It was likely that Jacob was going to see his father right away. Actually, I couldn't go anywhere in La Push. Jacob was going to search the whole town for me. I had to find a place he wouldn't think of.

I couldn't think of anything. I…no. I knew a place. I'd never been there before but I had the address. I rapidly turned on the ignition again, my hands shaking because of the cold, and a few minutes later, I parked the car in front of Angela's apartment building. She was the only one I could think of at the moment and she was my friend. I needed a friend. I dried my eyes, tried to arrange my hair before deciding that it was a lost cause and got out of the car. Thankfully, her apartment was on the first floor.

"Bella? Hi!" Angela exclaimed when she opened her front door. She looked really nice; she had make-up on and her hair was really stylish. I was interrupting something. Or I was about to. How had I managed to break down and screw up my life when nobody was available to comfort me? Angela was all smiles but her face fell when she realized how pitiful I looked.

"Oh my God! What's going on? What's wrong?"

"Can I…can I come in, please?"

"Of course! What's wrong? Are you all right?" she asked, a worried look now on her face. She took my coat out of my hands before seating me on the couch. I'd never been in her apartment but I didn't have the curiosity or the energy to see what it looked like right now. Angela sat down next to me and put her hand on my shoulder while I took a deep breath.

"I just had to go…somewhere. Anywhere. I'm sorry. I'm interrupting something."

"What? This? Oh, no. Don't worry. I have a video-conference soon. I just want to make a good impression. What happened? Tell me."

"I…I had this big fight with…Jacob and I didn't know…where to go," I managed to explain between my sobs. I thought I couldn't cry anymore. It turned out I was wrong. When I began to talk to Angela it started all over again. I was crying so hard that I couldn't even speak. Angela took me in her arms to calm me down, rocking me back and forth until I finally stopped crying.

"Was it that bad? I mean, I don't know him but he seems like a nice guy. I'm sure it's just a small thing that you'll be able to sort out." It wasn't a small thing. It wasn't even something that my hormones were amplifying for me. It wasn't like my stupid outburst at the restaurant a few weeks ago. This was bad. I felt like my whole relationship had been built on a lie. Angela grabbed a quilt from behind her to wrap it around my shoulders. I inhaled unconsciously, forgetting that it wasn't Jacob's so it didn't smell like him. The smell of this one was repulsive. I shook my head to signify that it wasn't just a stupid argument.

"He…he…he…he…," I stammered, realizing that I couldn't tell Angela what the fight was about. I couldn't tell her because I wasn't allowed to. I wasn't bound like the guys were when Sam passed an injunction but I couldn't talk about it, either. It was a secret. I'd gone to the only person I couldn't freely talk to. Well done, Bella.

"He what? Was he violent?" Angela asked, shocked, misinterpreting my hesitation. "Did he hit you? Bella, if he did you have to tell me."

"No! No. He didn't. I swear he didn't. He would never do something like that. I just realized that…I can't tell you what we argued about, Angela. It's not that I don't want to; I want to talk about it. I want to get it off my chest but I can't. It's a tribe secret. I'm not allowed to talk about it with outsiders. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have come. It was stupid. You want to help me but you won't be able to. I should go."

"You're not leaving this couch, Bella." What was it with people telling me not to leave tonight? Yet, this time, I was more than willing to cooperate. Actually, I didn't want to go. I felt safe and warm there. "I understand if you're not allowed to tell me. Really. I think it's weird, but I respect it. That doesn't mean I'm going to leave you homeless. Right now, you need a friend and I'm your friend. All I have to do is cheer you up so you can even forget what you fought about." That was unlikely to happen. Anyway, she was nice enough to give it a try. "What about some ice cream? I heard pregnant women would kill for ice cream."

"Ice cream sounds good," I replied quietly, unable to smile back at her. I put my hand on my stomach, hidden under the huge hoodie I had put on to protect me from the cold a few hours earlier. I was pretty hungry, not that it was anything new. I was always hungry. The baby kicked against my hand, once, twice. I couldn't believe Jacob was doing this to me while I was pregnant and when he knew the smallest thing could set me off. Besides, I would have thought that having a baby would have dissuaded him from taking Sam's place. That he would have realized that his family was more important than the pack, than chasing vampires. I thought he would have cared about how I felt, about the fact that I was afraid and could barely hold it together when he was out, when he wasn't quite himself. I apparently was quite wrong about all of this.

Angela came back from the kitchen with a huge container of ice cream, the kind that screamed 'bad break-up'. She sat next to me and gave me a spoon. I had to admit that it felt good to eat something, even if it was cold. It was like pure sugar. It was just what I needed. Plus, the fact that I was picturing Jacob's face in the ice cream as I was hitting it with the spoon helped calm my nerves.

"What's the video conference you mentioned about?" I asked Angela to occupy my mind with something else than Jacob.

"I've got to interview this guy who lives in China and it's much better than the phone. He's working on new ways to limit pollution. It's not really what I usually do but my editor gave the assignment to me so I have to do it."

"I'll leave when you start it. I don't want to bother you."

"Bother me? How could you bother me? I'm glad you came to me. You can stay as long as you want. It's not a problem."

"Thank you, Angela." She squeezed my hand and smiled but, once again, I couldn't force my jaw to return it. My body didn't want to be happy or relieved tonight. The news had been too bad, too important to be erased with some ice cream and girl talk. I kept on eating in silence, looking at the room I was in. I made a point of detailing in my head every piece of furniture or any object I saw to keep Jacob away from my mind. It was working quite well and, at the same time, I noticed that Angela had a nice apartment. There weren't many furnishings but I liked it. We spent a long time like this, both of us sitting on the couch eating ice cream and not talking. I could feel Angela's eyes on me. She wanted to make me talk about it yet, at the same time, she wasn't pushing the matter because I had just told her it was killing me that I couldn't speak about the argument.

"Oh, Chinese guy's coming up in a few minutes!" Angela exclaimed suddenly, standing up from the couch. "Hopefully, it won't be very long. I'll be in the second room on the right if you need something. You can watch the TV, eat anything in the kitchen. Just make yourself at home. You're going to be okay?"

I wanted to say that I wasn't going to be, that I wanted her to stay with me because I needed someone next to me to prevent me from losing it again. But I knew I couldn't ask for that. She had a work to do. I nodded to show her that I would be all right. At the same time, the door bell rang. Angela looked at the clock, sighed her exasperation at the visitor but went to see who it was anyway.

"Oh, crap. It's the police. I don't have time for this kind of problem, right now. Bella, could you…could you see what he wants while I'm asking Chinese guy to wait for a few more minutes?" She sounded embarrassed to ask such a thing but it was the least I could do for her after she offered me her hospitality. She stormed off to the room she mentioned before.

I opened the front door to face the policeman but it turned out that it was my favorite cop in the world. He looked so serious, so unlike himself but I knew it was him and that was the most important part to me. A second later, I was clinging to Seth's neck like he was the only thing left on Earth to prevent me from falling in the void of the Universe. How he knew that I was there, I didn't know. I didn't care. He was there. It was the only thing that mattered. I clung to his neck and wouldn't let go of it until I realized that we were both sitting on Angela's couch.

"Calm down, Bella, calm down," he whispered in my ear, brushing my hair off of my face to wipe away the tears which were once again on my cheeks. "Calm down. What's going on?"

"Wait. Please, wait. Don't go anywhere." I got up, went to knock on Angela's door and said that she didn't need to worry. It wasn't the police. It was just my brother. Then I went to sit again, pulling closer to Seth's side. I rested my head on his shoulder while he put his arm around my waist. I didn't want to look at him, to see his worried look because I knew it would make the tears flow again. Out of the corner of my eye I saw that he had taken his gun off of his belt and it was now on the coffee table, as far from me as possible.

"Did you know? About Jacob being Sam's second?" The moment the words were out, I knew they were true. Of course he knew. How could he have not known? Seth sighed before forcing me to look into his eyes.

"Arf…Bella…I'm sorry. Really. I would have told you if I could. You know I wouldn't have kept something so big from you. But he put an injunction on us. I was bound."

Jacob really thought about everything. He knew Seth would have told me because we had almost no secret from each other. The only thing Jacob hadn't thought of was watching his own mouth.

"Now I understand why you hated each other. It's because of this, right?" I realized with a bitter laugh. Everything was clearer now.

"Bella…"

"I just can't believe I've been so blind!" I didn't feel like crying anymore. Right now, the anger was back. I threw my hands in the air, breaking away from Seth's embrace in the process. "All this time, it was under my nose but I saw nothing. I asked him to step down because it was the least I could take without asking him to stop completely. But if he'd told me he wanted to stay second, maybe I would have said yes!"

That wasn't true. If Jacob had said that he didn't want to stop being second, I didn't know what I would have done. I'd wanted him back. I'd been the one to ask to get back together. All I wanted was for him to have less responsibility in the pack and so, more time for me. I'd thought I had gotten what I wanted but it was just a big lie.

"You would have agreed to him staying second?" Seth asked, incredulous.

"Okay, no. I wouldn't have." Seth knew me well. Almost as well as Jacob did. I was definitely too easy to read.

"I shouldn't be the one telling you this but I've been in Jacob's head. I've seen how he feels. I've never seen anyone so committed to his brothers, to the task at hand, to the tribe in general. It's always there, in a corner of his mind. And do you know what's also always, always in his mind? You are, Bella. You're always there, somewhere."

Seth was right. Jacob loved me. I couldn't deny this. I was selfish to want to ask him to choose between the tribe and me. It must be like breaking his heart in two. It must seem like an impossible choice for him. But in the end, it didn't change the fact that he lied to me.

"Then, why did he lie to me?"

"I think he did it because he couldn't bring himself to choose. He wanted to protect you. He knew you didn't like his getting too involved and he wanted to please you. It doesn't change the fact that I didn't like it. None of us did. But we had no choice."

"He was protecting me by lying to me?" I was the one sounding incredulous this time. "This isn't protection. Not in my book. I would have preferred to know instead of this!"

It had been going on for such a long time. Jacob had been lying to me for such a long time that it amplified the anger and the pain even more. Plus, we were married now. Even though we shouldn't have any secrets, there had been this huge lie underneath the surface. All this time. It wasn't protection. It was betrayal.

"How could he do this to me? I'm so mad, Seth! I'm so mad at him! I don't…I don't know what to do," I confessed, resting my head on his shoulder one more time. His hand brushed my long hair, like he used to do when he wanted to comfort me.

"Do you remember the night after you broke up with Jacob?"

His out-of-the-blue question took me off guard. What did this have to do with my current problem? I gave him a questioning look but he just asked me again, forcing my memory to go back years ago, when I was 19. I was still a teenager, barely an adult and I was trying to adapt to college life. A life so different from everything I'd experienced before. At the time, I was trying to put my life back on track after the few months of pure bliss, which now seemed to have belonged to another life, and after my months of depression. All of this, I could remember it very clearly. I could also remember the heartbreaking afternoon when I broke up with Jacob. But this precise night, the one Seth was referring to…How to phrase it? It was as if I had a blank spot in my head.

"Would you believe me if I say that I don't?"

"Actually, I would. You were pretty drunk that night." _That_ made me smile. And realize how stupidly I behaved when I was in college.

"I must have been pathetic."

"Not much more than on any of your other drunken nights. And don't apologize for it again," he added rapidly, putting his finger on my lips when I opened my mouth to say that I was sorry. "You had just broken up with him. You needed to forget you did it. That's what you said." Wow. Seth had a good memory.

"Why are you bringing this up?" I asked, still in the dark.

"What I mean is…I saw how you were the first time that a wolf thing got in your way. I saw how you reacted, what it did to you. Are you sure you want this again? Now that you're going to have a baby?"

"I'm not leaving Jake, Seth. What are you talking about?" I exclaimed, now shocked that he would imply that. It hadn't even crossed my mind for a second. I caught his glance and for a brief moment, saw how the situation must look from his point of view. I'd fled from my house after an argument with my husband, a fight which didn't seem to have a resolution that could satisfy both of us. But I wasn't leaving Jacob. There wasn't any question about this. Yet, I left tonight. A thing got in my way and I left, like I did so many years ago, though this time, it was different. It was completely different. I wasn't breaking up with my boyfriend. I had an argument with my _husband_ and I left. Left to not face the problem. Left because I was stupid. I had to face this problem.

"Seth, I have to go back." I stood up from the couch, looking frantically around me to see where Angela had put my coat and my bag. I was still mad but we needed to figure this out. I shouldn't have left. Jacob and I needed to find a solution. I needed to go back home. I needed to do it now. I should have known better. A few seconds later Seth made me sit down again, wrapping his arm around my shoulder to prevent me from getting up. "It's my fault, Seth. It's entirely my fault," I suddenly realized. I was the one who left. I was the one who had made Jacob lie in the first place.

"It's not your fault, Bella. Don't say that."

"It _is_ my fault! If it wasn't for my dislike of what you do, I mean phasing and risking your lives every time, he wouldn't have had to lie to me. You lost your sister, Seth. I just don't want to lose Jacob. I don't know what I'll do if something happens to him. All of this, it's because of me!"

Seth must be right. Jacob simply wanted to protect me. He knew I hated it, the wolves and everything. He'd wanted to keep it away from me. Lying never is the best option but in his case, he didn't have a choice. I'd asked him the impossible. I was the one to blame. I was the one who had to apologize.

"Okay, okay. Calm down, Bella," Seth whispered in my hair when he noticed that my body was shaking rather violently. It was my entire fault. I couldn't prevent my body from responding to the awful truth. I wanted to cry but I was too angry to do it, which meant that I ended up choking and gasping for air. Seth kept trying to soothe me even if it wasn't very effective. "Calm down, Bella. You're not driving in this condition. I'm finished working for today. I can drive you back if you want."

"Yes, please," I finally managed to say after a moment of silence. "He must be so mad at me! I said things, Seth. Bad things and I…oh my God! I slapped him!"

It wasn't the first time I'd slapped Jacob yet this one felt unforgivable. My hand still ached, which clearly showed that I'd hit him pretty hard. I'd put all my anger, my rage, my hatred and my pain into that slap. But Seth was saying that it was nothing, that Jacob wouldn't hold it against me. How could he know? He wasn't there when it happened. Besides, he said this because I was the one who gave the slap. Considering how Angela reacted when she thought that Jacob was violent, if the situation had been reversed and I'd been the one getting slapped, Seth wouldn't take it so smoothly. A woman was likely to be forgiven without much trouble for a slap. But for a man, it always took on huge proportions and consequences.

"Jacob sounded pretty anxious on the phone. Not mad. He was worried and scared but…"

"Oh, God. I have to talk to him. I left without saying where I was going!" Because at the time I didn't know where I was going, right. Nevertheless, it wasn't an excuse. "What was I thinking? We're married! I can't just walk away every time something goes wrong! What have I done, Seth? I…"

"You really need to calm down, Bella. Take a deep breath or you're going to pass out and I can't have that," Seth pleaded. He was clearly worried by the way I was reacting to everything that was happening tonight. I was having a hard time getting my breathing under control so he began to breathe in synchronization with me for a few minutes until air was passing through my lungs without any problem.

When I was calmer, I remembered what Seth said earlier. He had talked to Jacob on the phone. That's how he knew I wasn't at home. How he found me I still didn't know but it wasn't important. I needed to know what Jacob said.

"What did Jacob say to you?"

"He said that he had no idea where you were and it was scary for him. Given the sound of his voice, where you are isn't the only thing he's worried about. He also said that he knows you need time to think things through and he would understand if you need some time away from him."

After all I'd done, Jacob was still as sweet as he always was. Now, even the fact that he had lied to me didn't seem as serious as an hour ago. It was my fault. Jacob was worried. I had to go back home. To _our_ home.

"And he asked me to tell you to please, _please_, be careful with the baby," Seth said, finishing the summary of his conversation with Jacob.

The baby. The baby! I was an idiot, a complete idiot. I hadn't thought of the baby at all. I was too concerned about myself to think of him. I was the most selfish person in the world.

"Jacob's wrong. I need to go back. I don't need time alone. I'm not alone anymore and he must be so pissed at me. Every time I get one of these outbursts, I jeopardize the baby's life. It's not just about me. He shouldn't have to suffer from my stupidity. I left in such a hurry that I could have hurt myself or him and I wouldn't have cared. I didn't even think about him. I feel like I'm the worst mom ever!"

The last sentence didn't come out as I intended to because I began to cry once again, collapsing against Seth's side while cradling my belly in my arms to protect the thing that had left my mind for so long.

"That isn't true. Don't cry. It's not true. D'you remember how Emily used to freak out before Jason? Now, she's a great mom. You're going to be a wonderful mom, Bella."

"That's what Jacob said, too." They all said it but how could it be true when I wasn't thinking of the baby while he was still inside of me? I should be thinking of him all the time. Every single one of his little kicks should make me think of him. My sobs increased when I realized that everybody was wrong. I was going to be an awful mother.

"So…I was wondering. You keep on saying 'him'. Does it mean that it's a boy?" Seth asked, in the attempt to distract me and to make me stop crying. I didn't know how I still managed to produce water from my eyes after all the times I had cried tonight. I would be tearless for the rest of my life after this night.

"Oh, no," I replied, wiping off the tears which blurred my vision. Seth squeezed my shoulder to comfort me. I felt a bit better when I was next to him because I knew he would never let me down. Never. "We don't want to know. It just feels right to say 'him'."

"I'd like a nephew. But either way, it could come in handy with the ladies. I'll babysit whenever you want," Seth joked.

I couldn't help but laugh, which surprised me greatly. I didn't think laughing was possible for me tonight. Our laughter quickly faded but it wasn't replaced by any other conversation. I was anxious to go home although I was feeling better right now, in Seth's arms. I felt warm and safe. It felt almost the same way as when I was in Jacob's arms. At the same time, it was completely different. As much as I wanted to stay with Seth because he was reassuring me that the problem wasn't so bad, I wanted Jacob. I needed Jacob. I wanted to apologize, to say that I was sorry for what I did, for what I said. I needed to see that everything could be all right again.

Whether Jacob was Alpha or not wasn't going to change so many things in _my _life after all. Emily accepted it for Sam. There was no reason it couldn't be the same for me. Yet, Jacob would still be phasing. I was afraid he would get hurt but he'd never been injured before. At least not that I knew of. Phasing meant that he would not be ageing with me. Not for the moment. But he said he would stop someday. He just wasn't ready right now. I could wait. He promised he'd stop and Jacob never broke his promises. I'd made a big deal out of nothing in the first place even if some good had come from it. It put Jacob's lie in broad light. I was still pissed that he lied. Pissed at myself, too, for putting him in this position years ago. Pissed for being selfish. Phasing meant protecting a lot of people, not just me. I couldn't ask Jacob to leave the pack while there were so many people out there totally oblivious of the threat that were vampires.

My inner reflection complete, I opened my eyes to ask, "Can you take me home, Seth? Please?" The bright light in the room made me blink. I felt Seth move on the couch before he stood up.

"Sure I can. Come on." I took the hand extended towards me and was about to get my coat when Angela stormed into the living room.

"I'm not here. You don't see me. I heard nothing!" And she disappeared into her kitchen. Seth gave me a curious look. She walked so fast that she was just a blur of colors. He must think that my friends are all crazy.

"Actually, Angela, I think I'm going home now," I said when she stepped into the room, a bottle of water in her hand. I was going home at the condition that I could find the stupid car key in this stupid bag which was stupidly huge.

"You're going to be okay?"

"Yes, I have Seth. He's my brother," I explained with a motion of my hand in the general direction of where he was standing. My head was still in my bag until I finally found what I was looking for. "I got it. We can go!"

I looked up a bit too fast which made me feel dizzy for a second. The loud sound of my voice snapped Seth out of the daydream he seemed to be having. He straightened his face but not quickly enough. I saw the look he had on. I saw how he was looking at Angela while she introduced herself. I saw it and recognized it immediately. I hated this look.

It wasn't happening. It couldn't. Not to him. Not to Seth. I'd just said he would never let me down. He couldn't do this to me. He knew how I felt about it. If it was happening to Seth, it meant that it could definitely happen to Jacob one day. But no, Jacob was mine. Nobody else's. Mine. I didn't want another woman to steal him from me.

It happened to Seth just right there. Under my eyes. At the worst moment possible. Not that there was ever a right time to imprint. Imprinting was the worst thing ever. It wasn't natural. It shouldn't exist. If it didn't exist at all, if the guys had to find love like everybody else in the world, I wouldn't have had to screw up my relationship with Jacob when I was 19. Imprinting felt wrong. It was wrong. Even though that was what I truly thought, it didn't prevent Seth from doing it seconds ago. On Angela. She wasn't a stranger to me, she was my friend; yet, I couldn't help the hatred I felt towards her at this precise moment. She was stealing my brother without being aware of it.

Seth seemed to realize what was going on in my head. His face looked conflicted, from what I could discern through the tears once again in my eyes. He looked pained, because maybe, he knew I hated him for the first time in my life. He looked hurt because he was forcing himself to look in my direction rather than in Angela's. He looked surprised by what just happened. And the worst of all, he looked ecstatic. _This_, I couldn't take. Why were all the men in my life against me tonight? I wanted to scream, to punch someone or, failing that, some thing. I was feeling sick.

"Can I use the bathroom, Angela?"

"Bella, wait…," Seth asked, grabbing my arm when I walked next to him to go to the room Angela pointed to. I jerked away from his touch and flashed him a look as dark as I could manage in my situation.

"Don't, Seth. Don't. You're only making it worse."

I locked the door when I was inside the little bathroom. I didn't want him to come after me. I wanted to be alone. Story of my night: running away from people who betrayed me. Why was my life so complicated? Why couldn't I have a nice quiet life, without magic, without monsters? What was wrong with me? Without all of this, life would be simpler.

I splashed some cold water on my face to stop the crying but it only resulted in making me throw up. I hadn't thrown up in weeks. It hurt. Very much. I had only eaten ice cream tonight. It wasn't a lot yet it wasn't going to stay in my stomach, either. When the heaving stopped, there was no more noise in the room except my heavy breathing. Then, I heard Angela talking with Seth. At that simple reminder that he imprinted tonight, I threw up again.

I knew what was wrong with me. As much as phasing meant risking his life and not ageing, phasing meant that Jacob could still imprint. On someone else than me. Because, let's face it; if he was meant to imprint on me he would have done so years ago. I couldn't bear the idea that I could lose him. I slid down the wall to sit on the floor. I couldn't let imprinting ruin our lives now. Not when we were going to have a baby.

"I'm so sorry I'm putting you through all this stuff," I whispered between sobs while drawing circles on my belly. The baby shouldn't have to be in this situation. I shouldn't be stressed so much. I needed to have a calm pregnancy or this child was going to have white hair before even being born. I was worrying so much that I must be passing all my anxiety to him, too.

"I promise I'll make it better. I promise."

I stayed there on the cold floor, shushing and humming to the baby. These were the things that I should spend my days doing instead of messing up my life. I felt safe there, shut away from the rest of the world. Nothing else but the baby and I existed. I closed my eyes to blink, which made the last tears roll down my cheeks.

When I opened my eyes again, I wasn't in the bathroom anymore. I was lying in a bed which wasn't mine, in a bedroom which wasn't mine either. I must have fallen asleep at some point during the night. I must have slept but I didn't feel rested at all. And it turned out that the situation didn't improve with the day.

I went to work because I had to. My problems were private ones. I had to go to work. I'd wanted to leave Angela's place as fast as possible. I didn't want to talk to her even though she didn't deserve my resentment. I had to stay anyway because I couldn't show up at the high school wearing old sweats. Angela lent me a pair of hers, black ones which didn't look like sweats in the first place. She gave me her hugest white woolen cardigan as it was the only one that fit me.

I felt more presentable afterwards. I did my job, I held classes but I wasn't into it. The students must have sensed it. I usually loved talking about books. Today, all I wanted was for the day to be over so I could go back home and finally talk to Jacob. He used to say that I was a smart girl. Yeah, a smart girl who, the day before, left without taking her cell phone.

When the bell rang the end of my last period, I should have been ashamed to sigh with such relief. I almost ran to the car, hoping that Jacob would be home. If he wasn't, I'd go to the garage, it wasn't a problem. It was pouring outside and the wind was freezing me. I dropped the car key because my hands were trembling so badly. Before I could even bend down to grab it, a russet-skinned hand snatched it for me.

My heart skipped a beat. He was here.

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I bet you weren't expected what happened to Seth, were you? I think I need to explain that a bit. At first, Angela wasn't even supposed to be a character in this story. She just popped out of my pen when I was writing and she never left afterwards. When she appeared for the first time, some of my readers on Twi'd freaked out and thought that Jacob would imprint on her. I would never have allowed that but they got me thinking. I didn't want Seth to imprint on a random girl that nobody knew. Angela felt just perfect, then. I hope you like the idea of the two of them together!

Also, I received some PMs concerning the M rating Twilight stories and the problem it poses on . If this story is pulled out of the website it won't be by me or it will be because I was obliged to. If this should happen, you can go read the story on Twilighted(.)net or twcslibrary(.)com. Same penname and same stoy title on both websites.

Next update won't be a chapter but an outtake from Seth's POV on the events of this chapter.


	23. Outtake 2

As I said it before, this isn't a real but an outtake that goes with Chapter 21. It rather short but I think you'll like it.

My housemate beta'd it (or sort of anyway) for me. She's great (thought she's Team Edward. But nobody's perfect ;). She's currently reading _Breaking Dawn _for the first time. You can pity her (I know I do!)

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**Torn.**

_**Seth's POV**_

Jacob was an idiot. He should never have lied to Bella, even if he thought it was the right thing to do. We all knew that Bella didn't like the wolves, especially because we weren't aging. She was already older than Jacob by more than two years. She didn't like the fact that their age difference was constantly increasing.

We all knew that but Jacob had to be even more stupid to take the risk to lie to her, so many years ago. The day he put the injunction on us to lie and say that Jared was Sam's second, it was the day I stopped looking up to Jacob. He'd always been like a big brother when I was a kid, an inspiration of who I wanted to be. But lying to Bella, lying to the woman he loved, that was just wrong.

He'd had a pretty good explanation about why he did it, although it didn't mean we had to approve. None of us did. Yet, we had no choice. And Jacob lying to Bella meant that we all had to. She almost had no secret for me and I was the one keeping such a big thing from her. Jacob and I kept on arguing about this because I truly felt that Bella would eventually accept his place in the pack. She would have been pissed off and surely shouted at the start but she would have come around. She would have just needed some time. He didn't think like me. We almost stopped talking to each other, Jacob and I. I couldn't be friend with someone who was, in a way, cheating on his girlfriend, on his fiancée, on his wife.

Not being friends with Jacob sucked, especially since we were family, in more than one way. He was the kind of man you couldn't not be friends with. And don't get me wrong. I'm not gay or anything like this, but I could totally understand why Bella had found her perfect match with Jacob. I was happy for her, really. But lying, even if it was to protect her, it was simply wrong. There was no other word to describe it.

I knew that the longer Jacob kept the secret, the worse it would be when Bella found out. I was right. And now, watching Bella crying on my shoulder, completely devastated and mad at her stupid husband, all I wanted to do was punch Jacob as hard as I could. He always said he would never hurt her but he had been doing that exact thing all along.

I watched and listened as Bella told me what happened. Then, she started to blame herself and was even sadder. She didn't deserve to be put through so much. None of us did. We were still young yet we had already suffered from so much drama. Dad, Leah, the vampires, the wolves. I liked being able to protect people, I didn't want anyone to have the same end as my sister. I didn't want anyone to get killed in a violent way. Being a policeman helped me in a way. But as far as the wolves were concerned, I would have given everything for a normal life. Bella, of all people, deserved a normal life. She was just a small girl in the middle of conflicts coming from another world. Still, she was strong. She had to, to be able to deal with mystical creatures. She deserved the truth, though. She didn't deserve to be lied to. She was stronger than this.

She may be strong but she shouldn't have to suffer from everything that was going on right now. Especially after she scared the hell out of all of us last month. It was really scary to watch her bleed and faint and not being able to do anything about it. And just when she was starting to get better and to really enjoy being pregnant, mood swings aside, Jacob had to throw new stuff in her face. Wow. It was still hard to think that Bella was pregnant, that she was going to have a baby. I mean, when people get married you expect them to have kids one day or another but I don't know, I'd never imagined Bella like this. It never crossed my mind until now that her stomach was getting way bigger than usually.

It felt like just yesterday, she was doing all these crazy things in college. When I closed my eyes, I could clearly see her taking off her clothes for no reason, getting pissed in less time than it was possible to imagine, playing all kinds of weird games with people she didn't even know until one hour ago. And I had to admit it, it was fun. Being with Bella in college. Even if I was just there for the parties and not for the classes, it had been the best time of my life. We would play strip-poker and she would always be the first one to lose and so to end up almost naked because she didn't know how to play poker in the first place. We would most of the time wake up in the same room because I wasn't really comfortable with letting other guys taking advantage of her when she was drunk although she would have been more than willing to end up in their beds. But not when I was around. I knew that she ended up in their beds when I wasn't at the parties, though. That's college life, right? I just felt like I had to take care of her, even if she was older than me. Take care of her like she took care of me when Leah died and my life sucked.

Yet, now, she was having a baby. A little, tiny baby. I didn't see the years passing by. Time was flying by, literally. I was pretty sure that Bella was going to be an amazing mother although thinking of Bella as a mother was definitely weird. She didn't seem to think that way but I guess she was just afraid. She should be getting ready for the baby instead of crying and worrying about the wolves and Jacob and the stupid things he could do out of love. It'd been out of love, I knew that. But lying, all these years…no, I still couldn't accept this. He loved her, more than anything in the world; you could clearly realize this by the way he was looking at her. So, okay. He said he wanted to protect her. I was on for this. Lying just didn't go hand in hand with protection in my book. He made a mistake, a big mistake.

Still, I would do anything to get the chance to do something like he did. Not lying. Protecting the woman that I loved more than anybody else. I just hadn't found her yet. Being so close to Bella made me question imprinting. She was so scared that it could draw Jacob and her apart that I was scared, too. I didn't want to fall for a girl and worse, to have a girl fall for me and then to imprint on somebody else and break her heart. I felt lonely, though. Not having a girlfriend. And a real one, I mean. Not one who just thought that a police uniform was hot. I wanted everything Jacob had. Maybe I was a bit jealous of the life he had, the wife, the house, the baby. The happiness. And he had to ruin everything. I wanted a profound and meaningful relationship. At the same time, I was like Bella. Imprinting sucked. Really.

"Can you take me home, Seth? Please?" Bella asked after a long moment of silence. She looked tired, her eyes were red and puffy. She looked lost. She was still mad at Jacob, I could see this but she also needed him. More than she needed me. I could comfort her yet I couldn't resolve their situation for them. They had to work on it by themselves. If only he would not screw everything up once again.

"Sure I can. Come on."

She took my hand to get up from the couch at the same time as the girl who lived in the apartment stormed into the room. She said something about not hearing anything before reappearing from the kitchen in less than ten seconds. And all of a sudden, my whole world shifted and changed forever. Bella and the girl were still talking but I couldn't make out the words. This girl was simply breathtaking, like the most beautiful I'd ever seen in my life. She looked totally flawless, her face was perfect, her hair carefully pulled up on top of her head. There was something about her that made it impossible to want to look away from her. I wanted to spend the rest of the night looking at her. Not talking, not anything but looking at her.

She seemed to be all that I'd been waiting for without even knowing it. I was vaguely aware that I was openly staring at her but I couldn't help myself. She looked away from Bella when she introduced me as her brother and a smile lit her face. She said her name was Angela. I knew it. Of course I knew it. I saw it on the mail box downstairs. Bella talked to me about her high school friend. How could I have forgotten it? And her eyes. Her eyes. They were pulling me to her. Literally. As if I was tied by a rope that was dragging me towards the tall woman in front of me. I was in love. I felt like more than love, though. It felt like my whole life depended on her, on how _she_ felt, especially when it came to me. It was love and more than love. When my brain began to process the new information, my whole body froze.

"I got it. We can go!" Bella exclaimed, her car keys in her hand.

I painfully looked away from Angela only to meet Bella's shocked look. She saw it. And she recognized it faster than I did. She froze, too, tears in her eyes, her mouth slightly opened. I didn't know what to do. I knew that having an imprint meant that other women faded in the background. But not Bella. I didn't want to be dragged away from Bella because of her friend. I needed Bella as my best friend. More important, she needed me. On the other hand, I needed Angela, too. Maybe even more than I needed my sister. And it hurt. I wanted everything to stay the way it was with Bella. I wanted to be able to keep both relationships.

It was really hard to look at Bella while my whole body and brain were screaming at me to focus on the other woman in the room, the one who meant everything to me. It hurt very much. It was either hurting Bella or myself. It hurt but at the same time I felt so happy to have finally found the right person. Thoughts of Embry flashed through my mind, reminding me that I had to be careful. I wasn't going to be the same kind of idiot as he was.

"Bella, wait…" I asked, speaking my first words since my world had been turned upside down. I wanted to tell her that everything would be all right, that I wasn't going to let her down when I realized that for her, what just happened was betrayal. Just like Jacob did earlier. I felt sorry for her so I let her go. I didn't want to push her further. She definitely didn't deserve any of this.

"What's wrong?" Angela asked when Bella disappeared in the bathroom. She'd gotten closer to me and she was clearly worried for her friend. I didn't know what to respond. Hell, I didn't even know what to say to her, at all. I didn't know how to speak. I felt kind of stupid.

"I understand if you can't tell me. Bella mentioned something about a tribe secret." She sounded disappointed. Of course Bella didn't tell her anything. She couldn't. Angela couldn't know what was wrong an hour ago. But now, she was going to be able to. Just not right now. I was going to make this work the right way. We'll get to the monsters in a few weeks.

"You'll know. I'll tell you. One day," I managed to babble. I sounded like an idiot. And strangely, I didn't mind at all.

"Oh, really? I thought you couldn't tell it to outsiders."

_You're not an outsider anymore. You just don't know it yet._

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Next update will be a normal chapter so I give you a teaser, as always.

**Chapter 22: Because you live ****(Jacob's POV)**

**"Bella, please...don't do this, I...," I pleaded, tears in my eyes. We were married. She couldn't leave me now that we were going to have a baby. She couldn't.**


	24. Chapter 22

My beta is still the same and she's still amazing (I won't say awesome because I'm the one who is awesome!)

***IMPORTANT***

**For the sake of this story, Paul didn't imprint on Rachel during the summer as he did in _Breaking Dawn_ because she didn't come home. She came home for _CHRISTMAS_ and that's when he imprinted.**

***IMPORTANT***

Disclaimer: The title of the chapter is not mine. It's a song by **Jesse McCartney**. Of all the things that happen in this chapter I own nothing except Jacob's nickname because...well, yeah, it's **_mine_** ;)

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**Chapter 22 Because You Live**

_**Friday, December 12th.**_

_**Jacob's POV**_

If I had a list with all the bad days of my life on it, today would definitely have won a good spot. On this list would be the day my mom died, the day I phased for the first time (because it was pretty freaky) and the day Leah died, which had felt like a part of all our hearts died, too. There would be the day Paul imprinted on Rachel, the day Bella broke up with me, the day I crashed my car because I'd drunk more than usual and my body didn't have time to burn off all the alcohol. And there would be today. Actually, today and last night.

It hurt to hear that Bella didn't like living in La Push. It hurt more than I could have imagined. She never complained about it before. It hurt to know that she'd lied all this time but didn't I lie, too? My lie was way worse than hers. I knew that Bella didn't like the cold, the rain. I thought she got used to it. She had friends here. But if she stayed only because I had to, it felt wrong. I couldn't leave, because of Dad, because of the pack. She should have told me. We would have found a solution, an alternative.

A small voice in my head was still hoping that she lied yesterday night. She was mad, extremely mad at me. She'd wanted to leave at all cost. Maybe she just said it because she wanted to piss me off. If that was the case, it hadn't worked because I wasn't pissed, I was devastated. This voice was really faint yet, I couldn't help trying to make it true. I couldn't bear the idea that Bella sacrificed all the things she wanted because I had to stay in La Push.

Last night, I was simply too crushed after our fight to even move. I knew I should have gone after her. I should have tried to get her back into the house. I should have apologized. For everything. I didn't. I couldn't. She didn't want to see me but I was scared. I didn't know where she was. Something could have gone wrong; she could have had an accident and it would have been my fault. The only thing I thought of was to call Seth. If anyone had a chance of approaching Bella without being yelled at, it was him. That was one of the rare times when their relationship came in handy.

I spent the rest of the night wandering through the empty, silent house alone with my thoughts and my guilt. I'd assumed that Bella would throw a fit at my stepping up. I hadn't assumed it would be so big. My best hope was that she would stay mad for the night and then accept it, like she always did. Maybe that was my problem. Bella had always accepted everything despite what she truly felt. She thought it was too dangerous to kill bloodsuckers but she didn't say anything. She looked at it like it was a bad hobby, something she had no control over. She hated imprinting. I had the same feeling but she still tempted it. She feared it, I was aware of this. She had nightmares about it all the time. Nightmares about me leaving her, about me not seeing her, about me not loving her anymore.

Bella didn't like that I wasn't ageing. It sometimes came up in our conversations but she could do nothing about it. She'd always accepted all of this stuff because it meant a lot to me. For me, it didn't feel wrong. It was the best thing in the world. Protecting people, like cops. Like huge supernatural cops. But yesterday, in the midst of my pride and my euphoria, I finally saw how Bella really felt about it. I'd been mad at her, right. She forbade me from becoming Alpha; she wanted me to completely stop phasing. That was too much. I'd just gotten what I'd been longing for all these years, I wasn't going to give it up. I didn't care if it was selfish or not.

And then, I'd opened my big mouth to reveal the lie I'd been hiding from Bella since we got back together. The moment it was out, the moment I saw the hurt in Bella's eyes, I regretted it. I didn't regret telling the truth even if I did it in spite of myself. I regretted having lied to her. I knew I shouldn't have. It felt wrong but it was the only possibility I'd had. At the time, she'd basically asked me to choose between the pack and her. I was miserable when we weren't together. I was too happy that she'd decided to come back to me. I knew I was taking a huge risk but it worked more than well all this time.

I was as committed to Bella as I was to the pack. Somehow, I should have known I couldn't keep that up forever. Now, I was faced with the most difficult choice in my life. I didn't know if Bella was going to forgive me. I was afraid she wasn't going to. We were going to have a baby. She had to forgive me. Yet, I had the feeling that this time, I'd really have to choose. I saw how interacting with mythical creatures affected Bella. I saw what it did to her; I saw the depression, the hidden tears and the empty looks. I remembered everything she said to me. I remembered the conversation where she confessed how she once thought of suicide. I saw how hopeless, how wrecked it made her. She shouldn't have had to suffer from all of this.

But here I was. A werewolf, a creature which should belong only to the imaginary world. I was real, though, and my very existence was causing Bella pain. She was suffering because of me, like she suffered because of the vampire. I was different. It was killing me but, in my heart, I knew what I had to do. I needed to fix things between us. Bella was my wife. She was my life. I was going to spend the rest of my days with her. _Till death do us apart_. Hopefully. I would stop phasing someday. I didn't know when, yet I was aware that I would stop. I didn't want to have three wives like our ancestor. One was enough. Bella was enough.

I was going to have Bella for the rest of my life and one day I would stop morphing into a giant wolf. The choice was clear but it didn't mean that it was easy to accept. It was heartbreaking. Besides, Bella made it clear yesterday that she didn't want me to take the lead. She was asking me to refuse what I had craved for so long. That was the worst part. But knowing that Bella could leave me if I didn't listen to her was enough to make me consider it. Only one day away from Bella and I was missing her like I never had before. I needed her. Badly. I didn't know if I could live on without her.

Bella had made sacrifices throughout our whole relationship so it was my turn now. It was painful to admit even though, in my heart, I knew it was the right thing for me to do. For Bella. For our family. I needed to apologize, to ask her to take me back. I was prepared to beg if it was necessary. I would accept everything and anything she'd request. I just had to get her back.

The day had been one of the longest of my life, too. Bella forgot her cell phone at home, which meant that I had no way to contact her. I got a text from Seth telling me that she was spending the night at her friend Angela's apartment. I felt a bit relieved to know that she was somewhere safe. He also said something cryptic about needing to talk to Sam and me but his problems weren't mine. Not for the moment. I would have wanted to stay at home to wait for Bella rather than going to work. Then, I thought that Bella was too professional to not go to the high school. She'd never missed one work day in her life.

So I went to work, too. I just couldn't concentrate on what I was doing. I knew Bella's schedule by heart, even the new one. I tortured myself enough during the morning to ask my boss to let me go home earlier than usual, claiming that something was wrong with my wife. In a sense, it was true and it didn't matter to me if I implied that something was wrong with the baby to make him allow me to leave.

I ran to Forks as fast as I could, arriving at the high school just when the bell rang the end of the last hour of class. I watched the students leave the buildings to get to their cars and I saw Bella. She looked up at the sky then sighed when she realized that it was raining. She practically ran to her car, tripping over nothing several times in the process. I had to go to her but I was afraid of her reaction. Hoping that she would have calmed down since last night, I walked towards her, rapidly grabbing the car keys she let fall to the ground.

She took a step backwards when she noticed my presence. I couldn't help but notice how pale she was. I wanted to say something, anything or at least one of the arguments I'd prepared for my defense. Nothing came out, though. I just stared at her while trying to judge her reaction. She looked surprised to see me there as well as tired, and sad. The sadness was the thing I was the most afraid of. I expected her be angry, even furious but not sad. What could make her so sad? A million possibilities flashed through my mind, scaring me even more.

"Bella, I...," I began when the silence between us became unbearable. I didn't get to finish the sentence because the second she heard my voice, Bella leapt into my arms, locking hers around my neck. She clung to it, to my arms, to my clothes, to everything that could pull me closer to her. It startled me a lot. I mean, we were on the school parking lot. Everybody could see us. If there was one thing that embarrassed Bella, it was people staring at her. And _this _was definitely attracting people's attention. But she didn't seem to care. She buried her face in my shoulder, tugging my hair so hard with her hands that it wouldn't have surprised me if she'd pulled out some of it.

It felt so good to have her close to me again, to feel her growing stomach between the two of us. I hugged her back, taking in as much of her scent as I could. Maybe she was going to forgive me after all. Bella tiptoed to bring her face to mine. She covered my cheeks and lips with kisses while saying that she was sorry. Now, I was confused. I was the one supposed to be apologizing. She did nothing wrong.

"What are you apologizing for, Bella?" I asked when her feet slipped and she went back to her normal height. She looked up at me, her arms still locked around my neck, before taking a step backwards. She stumbled and almost lost her balance. I unconsciously grabbed her arm and she didn't even try to push me away. "When was the last time you ate something?" I asked, forgetting about my previous question. She looked paler than ever, weaker, too. It wouldn't have surprised me if she'd been too engrossed in her problems to skip lunch.

"At lunch. But I threw up right after. It was the same last night. I felt really sick. I'm sorry, Jake."

"You don't need to apologize. You need to sit down." I opened the car door so she could sit down in the driver seat. I wouldn't have to worry about her falling anymore; plus, she was shielded from the rain. She sat with her back to the passenger seat and her legs outside of the car. She didn't want to let go of my neck, like she was afraid that I was going to disappear. I knelt between her legs to bring my face to her level.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. It's my fault if you're feeling sick. It's entirely my fault. You're not the one who has to apologize."

"You're wrong, Jake," Bella disagreed, shaking her head. "I was an idiot. I shouldn't have left like that. I should have stayed and faced the problem. It was immature. We're married; married people don't react this way."

I hadn't even thought about this. I wasn't mad at her for leaving. I wasn't mad at her at all. I was the one who'd been wrong. The one who _was_ wrong. But when looking at her, I could see that she really felt guilty when she shouldn't think this way.

"You reacted exactly like anybody else would have. I shouldn't have lied to you in the first place. That was stupid and it completely messed up everything and…"

"You shouldn't have lied, that's true," she cut me off. The rain was intensifying but I didn't care. Except for the fact that it was soaking my hair which was now glued to my forehead and my cheeks. Bella was brushing through the locks while talking, although her voice was more of a whisper than a normal conversational tone. "I'm your wife, Jake. We're not supposed to hide things from each other. Especially not things as big as this."

"I know. Honey, I'm so, so sorry. I…just…I knew you didn't like me being second and I thought I was protecting you. From the wolves, from what you hated. You never saw how miserable I was when we broke up. You…"

"Jake…"

"No, please. Let me speak." I needed to get it off of my chest. She needed to hear my explanation so she could forgive me. My hands were resting on her knees and I realized that I was clutching them pretty hard. Yet, Bella wasn't complaining about it. "When you came to me at Charlie and Sue's wedding, I simply couldn't believe it. I was so happy that I would have done anything to keep you. And that's what I did. Even if I totally screwed up in the end."

Bella gave me a small smile before kissing my cheek softly. Did that mean that I was forgiven? When she looked at me again, her eyes were full of understanding. Please, God. Tell me that I'm forgiven.

"The Christmas I stopped things between us it was because of imprinting. Not because of…" she trailed off, not finishing her sentence. The sadness was back on her face which was buried in my shoulder once again a second later. I was completely lost. I didn't know what was going on in her head and it was driving me crazy.

"Seth imprinted last night," she finally whispered, loosening her grasp on my neck. My whole body tensed at the news. Fucking kid! I was going to kick his ass the next time I'd see him. I couldn't say anything. I wanted to hug her closer, to tell her that everything would be all right but I was speechless. I felt her lips move against my neck, making my body freeze and my heart break a little bit.

"I just don't feel like fighting it anymore, Jake…"

Not again. Please, not again. It felt like I was back years ago, during another rainy December afternoon. I didn't want to hear the rest. I knew what she was going to say. She was going to say that she loved me but that it was something greater than her, greater than me. Something we had no power over. That she didn't want to stay in a relationship which could break her heart like her previous one. She was going to say that she was sick of being insecure, that she wanted to have a normal life without magic. I'd stop phasing. I swear I would. I'd stop so I wouldn't imprint on someone else. I couldn't let Bella leave me again.

"Bella, please…Don't do this…I…," I pleaded, tears in my eyes. We were married. She couldn't leave me now that we were going to have a baby. She couldn't. Bella's head suddenly snapped up when she heard the trembling in my voice. Her look was confused.

"I'm not leaving, sunshine! I'm not leaving you!" she exclaimed, realizing what I was talking about. She'd used a nickname taken directly from the past. I didn't know what brought it up. It didn't matter. It made me smile. Bella wasn't leaving me.

"I'm not leaving you!" she repeated, a tone higher. "I'm sorry. It's not what I meant. I'm sorry." She wiped off the tears rolling down my cheeks. Then, she kissed my lips and her touch was like a feather. She wasn't leaving me. We were sort of okay. It didn't explain the fact that she said she didn't feel like fighting imprinting anymore. I didn't understand.

"What I meant is that it feels like I've spent my entire life trying to prevent this ridiculous stuff from happening to you, to us. And all this time, people kept on imprinting. When Paul imprinted on Rachel, I was a kid. I was trying to enjoy life again. I loved spending time with you. I always did."

I didn't know where she was going with her rambled explanation but she was looking in my eyes. Looking at me. Not looking away. I didn't want to blink because I didn't want to lose the connection I felt between the two of us. I was thinking a lot about the past these days and it seemed that it was the same for Bella. I'd enjoyed our first months together, when we were just teenagers and everything was awkward yet nice. Then Paul imprinted, ruining everything.

"When he imprinted, I realized that it could happen to you, too. I knew you said you wouldn't but how could I really be sure?"

Her voice was trembling. It seemed that remembering all these things was hard on her. I wanted to tell her that I still believed it. In my heart, I felt like I would never imprint. If I'd had to imprint, it would have been on Bella. It wasn't likely to happen nowadays so I would never have an imprint. It was fine for me as long as I had Bella. I wanted to say this to her but she let me talk earlier. She looked like she had a speech to deliver so I didn't interrupt.

"Leaving you was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I didn't want to. I felt more than fine when I was with you. I always said that I was okay after the break-up. I think alcohol helped a lot in making this lie become the truth," Bella laughed and her words made me pull her body closer to mine. She took a deep breath before talking again. "I…loved you and I wanted you to move on, to be able to find the right girl, to…"

I had to interrupt her this time. I pressed my lips hard against hers, causing her to gasp before she locked her hands in my hair. Bella was too good for me. I didn't deserve such an incredible woman who had been willing to sacrifice her happiness for mine. She broke the kiss rather quickly and blushed.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. Carry on."

Bella laughed, kissed my lips softly then spoke again.

"That Paul drama also made me realize that I wouldn't be able to take it if we were together and you ended up imprinting on some…other…stupid…better girl," she spat out with disgust, this time not even blushing at her harsh words. "I don't think I could have taken another rejection. Not after what happened with…Edward. But it turned out that breaking-up was a big mistake. I tried to live my life without you but, somehow, I couldn't. So I tried to persuade myself that you weren't going to imprint. Because being with you is amazing, Jake," she stated, her fingers lingering on my lips after they brushed against my cheek. I never wanted her to stop doing this. Her fingertips on my cheeks were one of the best feelings in the world.

"You are the happiest, the most carefree man I've ever met. Every single minute spent with you feels right. Being with you feels right."

If I hadn't controlled myself, I would have lost my balance and would have been sitting on the ground. Bella wasn't leaving me. She was praising me but I was far from being a perfect man. I wanted to tell her this, to tell her what I'd prepared earlier, that I wouldn't step up if she didn't want me to. Yet, after what she just said, my mouth felt dry and no word came out of it.

"Being with you feels perfect, Jake. Really. But even when I try not to think about it, imprinting is still there, running rampant in the dark and ready to strike at anytime. It's scary. I'm scared of it."

"I'm scared, too, Bella. I don't want to…" She pressed her fingers to my lips before I could offer to stop phasing if she was _that_ afraid of it. She shouldn't be scared by something which wasn't even supposed to exist.

"I'm scared, Jake. But yesterday, I realized something. When you proposed to me two years ago, I knew imprinting was a threat. Still, I said yes. I don't regret it. I said yes because it has already messed up too much of our lives. And now we're married. We're married and these months have been some of the most wonderful of my life. We're going to have a baby, sunshine," Bella added, pressing my hand to her stomach. Feeling the roundness of it with my fingers seemed perfect, the right thing to be doing. Like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. With my wife, with my kid. My kid.

"I think life is too short. One day we're getting married and in the blink of an eye, our baby is going to leave for college. I want to enjoy life without having to worry about losing you. And I thought about something else today. What would happen if we hadn't come back together, ended up miserable in our separate lives and you never imprinted? I won't chance this. I decided that I would enjoy being with you for as long as I could and if you imprint on someone else, well… I guess I'd just have to kill her, right?"

She gave a small smile at her joke and I couldn't help but chuckle. Then she became all serious again and looked intensely into my eyes. She was looking for something. Maybe she was waiting for a reaction other than a chuckle. Was she waiting for me to deny the fact that I could imprint? Or, maybe…she was going to ask me to stop phasing, again. If that was it, this time, I wasn't going to get mad. I knew it was the only possibility. I knew it was the only thing to do. For Bella.

"But then, I thought of something else that I had completely forgotten. Do you remember what you said to me a long time ago? Once, you said that you were the rightful leader of the tribe, of the pack. And because of this, you thought you'd never imprint. You said that being so committed to a woman would cloud your judgment as a chief. And you know that I don't like it. I mean, you phasing and everything. I don't want to lose you because honestly, my life would suck without you. But you were supposed to be chief because of your family. I was stupid not to believe you before. You see, Sam wasn't the real Alpha. In a sense, he had to imprint. But you, Jake, you _are_ the Alpha. By birth. I believe it now. You won't imprint."

Bella took a deep breath after her long explanation. I was dumbfounded by what she said. She seemed to finally realize that I wasn't going to leave with another girl who would be nothing like my Bella. Her explanation, well apparently it was mine, made a lot of sense. I was the Alpha. I needed to focus, not to think that my whole world gravitated around a woman. I felt better, knowing that Bella was finally ready to stop seeing only the worst that could happen.

And then, it hit me; something that she just said. Bella hated the imprinting stuff but she also hated everything which was related to the wolves' business. Yet, she called me Alpha. She told me I was the Alpha, the leader, the chief. I didn't want to get my hopes too high too fast. I needed to know if what she said was what I thought she meant.

"Bella, honey…did you just…you're not…" I was trying so hard to keep my emotions under control that I couldn't phrase my question properly. I breathed in and out then spoke again. "You're not mad at me anymore if I…step up?"

Bella sighed, took my hands in hers and squeezed with all her strength. I knew there was still a lot of people and a lot of activity in the parking lot, but I couldn't hear anything. Only Bella. We were in our little bubble, fixing things, fixing our lives. Nothing else mattered.

"It was selfish of me to ask you to deny what you deserve by nature. It's in your blood. It's what you were born for. What you were born to be. I have no right to deny it. You're doing incredible things. You protect us. All of us. We need you to keep on doing it. The pack needs you. No one is better suited than you to take the lead. It's your inheritance. I…love you and I want you to have it. For as long as you think it's right. But no more lies."

She kept on talking about how selfish she was to have wanted to keep me for herself, about the fact that she was afraid I could get hurt while chasing a vampire. She said she would always be afraid of this but which wife wasn't afraid for her husband, no matter what kind of sports he played? She really had thought things through. It was ironic how the situation was reversed now. I was the one willing to not step up and Bella, the one telling me to do it. She wasn't trying to fight against it, against what I was. It was a surprising change and I didn't think it would ever happen. I would have never thought that Bella would finally accept all these things that meant so much to me. I never thought she would agree so completely to me being Alpha and by her own will. And I realized that, no matter what I said before, I couldn't have stepped up if Bella hadn't agreed to it. I couldn't have gone against her will for something so important.

Bella talked a bit more while playing with my hands but all of a sudden I became very aware of the rain patting on the car roof. I could hear every branch on the trees being moved by the wind. I could hear the wind blowing in gusts around us with an excessive clarity. It was like I was connected to nature. I was used to it when I was in wolf form. It wasn't supposed to be _that_ noticeable when I was human. Especially not when I wasn't paying particular attention to these things in the first place.

Suddenly, all the noises faded and all that remained was silence. A deep silence. I knew it was still raining; there still was wind but it was as if it completely disappeared. That was weird. I was staring at Bella's hands the whole time, noticing how soft they were and how they fit perfectly into mine. I knew this but right then, it was even more accurate. My skin was responding to her touch in ways it never had before. Her fingers made my hand, my arm, my body shiver from head to toe. I looked up at her face.

This time, nothing could have prevented me from falling. My head snapped up and, when I laid eyes on Bella, a strong wind hit me. With a shock, I lost my balance. I was sitting on the wet ground, totally awestruck. I had no idea what was happening. I couldn't stop staring at Bella. I'd known her all my life yet it felt like I'd never seen her before. Never _really_ saw her before. Bella's hair was curly and messy but every lock of it had a different shade when she moved her head. I always loved to look in her eyes, in her big brown eyes; I could see all her emotions reflected in them. Right now, they were burning a hole in my chest directly to my heart. I ached to be closer to her. It'd always been like this for me although now, my heart was connected to her face, to her eyes. I knew that I couldn't, wouldn't, be able to spend a long period of time away from her.

Bella's skin was pale but it radiated light and warmth. I wanted to spend my whole life looking at her face. It was as if she was surrounded by a halo of very bright color. I'd always seen Bella as gorgeous, no matter what she thought. I could see things in her that I couldn't find in other girls, even after looking at them for hours. But at this precise moment, it seemed like a thin veil had been lifted between us. She was the same old Bella, the one I fell in love with so many years ago, the one I was still in love with. Yet, something was different.

Bella was staring back at me, clearly confused. I didn't understand what was happening either. I couldn't move; I couldn't speak. I was simply shocked. Our surroundings were a blur around us. The only thing I could see was Bella, my wife. The only thing I could hear was Bella asking what was wrong. I wasn't even aware of the rain or the wind anymore. Nothing other than Bella's hands, still in mine, holding me. Bella. When the realization of what had just happened finally hit home, I gaped, even more in shock.

It couldn't be possible. It wasn't supposed to happen. I had just said I'd never imprint. If I had to imprint, on Bella of all people, I would surely have done so ages ago. It wasn't supposed to happen now. What was going on? Nothing made sense. I truly thought that if I was the chief I had to focus on the job, not on a woman. I shouldn't have imprinted. Was my theory wrong? We didn't really know how imprinting worked, anyway. Oh, it was _so_ weird. Why was it happening just now? Why not before?

Then again, I never saw what the difference was between what the guys felt and what I felt. That was because there wasn't a difference. I was already in love with Bella when I was 16, even if I just considered it a crush. I'd been more in love than I thought. I didn't feel the change when I saw her after phasing for the first time because, in my eyes, she was as beautiful as she always was. All this time, all these years…It'd been here all these years and like the idiot that I was, I hadn't realized it.

Bella wasn't ready to love and trust someone in that way again when she found out about the wolves. And when she was ready, she resisted imprinting because we thought it would separate us. By doing so, she must have prevented it from happening. A few minutes ago, she said she was ready to accept living with the threat it represented, that she was ready to stop looking over her shoulder. She was ready to finally accept what I was doing, what I was going to be. And that's all it took for my world to shatter and be whole. Forever.

"Jake? What's wrong? Talk to me; what's happening?" Bella's anxious voice brought me back to reality. I shook my head, trying to process the change. It was insignificant to how I saw Bella. She was still the same. There was no change in how I saw her, except for the brighter light all around her body. But it was huge for our relationship, for our life together. I wanted to scream, to cry out of joy, to tell her that I wasn't going to leave and that, this time, I was more than sure about this. I stood up then knelt again to return to my original position. I couldn't find the right words.

"Bella…I…It's you, Bella," I whispered, my mouth pressed to her ear. "It's always been you."

"What do you mean?" she asked, her voice trembling.

"I…I…I'm pretty sure I just imprinted on you, Bells," I explained, taking her face in my hands. Put like this, so flat, it didn't sound strong enough for what I felt. What I had always felt. I never needed to imprint to be in love with Bella but now, we had the insurance that it couldn't become an obstacle between us. I didn't want to say it this way but Bella had to hear the word to be convinced. She gasped loudly before bursting into in tears. Wait. Wasn't this what she always wanted?

"Daddy won't leave us, little kangaroo. He won't leave us. Never," Bella managed to say between sobs while staring down at her stomach. Tears of relief, of joy, not of sadness. I _was_ an idiot. I hugged her with all my strength, her arms sneaking around my neck. She pressed hard against me until she fell on my lap and we were both on the ground.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere. I love you, Bella. God, I love you so much."

Bella disentangled herself to search my lips before kissing me urgently. That wasn't the way she usually kissed me but I didn't care. I didn't even care that we were attracting people's attention, that Bella was going to be mortified and wouldn't want to go back to work on Monday morning.

She was in my arms. She was the love of my life, the only one. She was my imprint; how weird it was to think of Bella this way. We were going to be okay. We were alone, happy in our own world.

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So now, I expect tons and tons of reviews :)

Okay. As I said it before there is a thread for this story in the Twi'd forums and the link is on my profile page. You don't have to be a member of Twi'd to go to the forums though you need to register on the forum page to post on threads. If you come over there, I'll talk more in details about how I came up with Jacob's imprinting as well as all the problems I had with it. Because I'm awesome but Taka Aki isn't.

**Chapter 23 Insomnia**

**"Santa won't come if you wait up for him, you know."**


	25. Chapter 23

Okay, first, thank you all so much for all the fantastic reviews you left me for last chapters! It put a smile on my face every single time! I put all my heart and my energy in it so it was amazing and very gratifying that I didn't fail!

I promised the angst was over for a few chapter so I hope you missed Christmas because you're on for a long ride! Enjoy :)

Disclaimer: Still not owning anything.

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**Chapter 23 Insomnia**

_**Bella's POV**_

_**Wednesday, December 24th.**_

I was sitting on the bed, half-aware that Jacob was talking to me. I could barely notice that he was talking with enthusiasm. I was too busy concentrating on keeping my eyes open. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and finally get some sleep. Instead, I had to brush my _way_ too long hair. It took an eternity to untangle my locks and I was getting tired of it. I really needed to have it cut. I'd let it grow for the wedding but that was more than four months ago. I could easily go with short hair now.

Jacob stopped talking and without his voice as background noise it was even harder to stay awake. The day hadn't been really exhausting given that I was in a holiday break. Yet, it was almost midnight. I felt like a very old woman who had to go to sleep at nine in the evening. It was ridiculous. Even sitting down exhausted me and that's what I did tonight. We went to Charlie's for Christmas Eve and Sue didn't let me help her. I think they all wanted me to stay on my chair given what happened at our last dinner over there. I wasn't complaining. It actually felt good to be taken care of by everybody else. I wasn't going to admit this to Jacob, though. He would certainly say something along the line of "I told you so"; plus, I didn't want him to tease me and call me "princess" all the time.

No, tonight was great. The food was just wonderful and gathering around a fire to exchange gifts showed that we were a family. A real one. I liked it. I liked what Sue and Charlie got us, too. Really. I did. But I wasn't completely at ease with it. It must have cost a lot. I didn't like it when people spent too much money on me. I couldn't quite explain why. I just didn't like it.

I felt the mattress shift on the other side of the bed along with the sound of Jacob's voice. What he was saying, I still didn't know. I was too deep in thought to process it. Then, his arms snapped around my waist to rest on my stomach. My _big_ stomach. I wanted it to stop growing even if I was perfectly aware that it was childish to wish for something I had no power over. Jacob pushed my hair out of the way to rest his chin on my shoulder. I unconsciously snuggled closer to him until the warm of his skin spread on mine.

"What's the matter, Bella?" he asked softly before kissing my cheek. How did he know something was bothering me? I hadn't said a word yet. Damn, I was definitely too easy to read.

I didn't want to admit what was on my mind. Money wasn't such an issue for us but we didn't have a lot either. Jacob was a proud man so he felt compelled to make sure we didn't lack anything we needed. I knew he felt bad that he didn't have a higher salary because he wanted me to have the best. If I admitted I was embarrassed that people were giving us expensive gifts he was going to be crushed. I didn't want to hurt his feelings; he was doing a lot to make me happy and I was. Really. I was simply a little embarrassed.

I shouldn't have secrets from Jacob, though. Although it wasn't even a real secret in the first place it would become one if I didn't say anything. After what happened two weeks ago we made the promise to never have secrets from each other anymore and I wasn't going to break it. I never used to have trouble saying things to Jacob but I did so many stupid things when we weren't together that I lost the habit of confiding in him. He, on the other hand, never lost this habit. Seth was usually the one I told everything to, and when I say _everything_ I mean it. Now that he imprinted, I had the feeling that we would spend less time together. He said it wasn't true but I knew he couldn't help wanting to spend all his free time with Angela. I didn't blame him. I didn't even have anything against imprinting anymore.

Granted, I still thought it was the stupidest thing in the world. It had been such a shock when it "partially", or whatever, happened to Jacob. He didn't even completely understand what happened. I, on the contrary, wanted to slap myself for preventing it from happening to him for all these years. Who would have thought that I would have had so much power on it? Yet, when you considered it, it was almost natural that Jacob didn't imprint before. When he had an imprint, the guy kind of did all that his "soul mate" wanted him to. I didn't want Jacob to imprint on anyone so he didn't. Weird. Everything involving imprinting was weird anyway.

I was so relieved it happened, though. I still had a hard time getting used to the idea that it wasn't an obstacle between us anymore; that Jacob wasn't going to leave me against his will. I also hoped he wasn't going to leave me of his free will but that wasn't something imprinting could prevent. Actually, yes it was. Jacob was really going to stick with me forever. Yeah, still having a hard time processing this fact. These past weeks, we spent many hours talking about everything that had happened. It was almost our only topic of conversation. When you looked back at it, Jacob and I always got along more than well. From the start. He used to say that we sort of clicked. Now, we just clicked better. Because we had been destined to. I should be mad that it'd been "destined" for me to be with Jacob but I could only be happy. Happy to have found him the natural way, to have fallen in love with him the natural way and not having been forced by some great mystical force. Imprinting came later and it was just a bonus.

"I just don't like that they gave us this stroller," I finally said when Jacob nudged my shoulder to make me snap out of my thoughts.

"You don't like it?"

Of course I liked it. It was perfect. According to Sue it was one of the best I could find. It was going to be more than useful. It was just expensive.

"No, no. I like it. It's just…I think it's…a lot of money spent…"

"Dammit, Bella! Why do you always have to think this way?" Jacob cut me off rather sharply, loosening his grip on my waist. His voice was close to my ear and the proximity of it startled me. I turned around to meet his eyes. There. I did it. He looked hurt. "I know I don't have the best job in the world but we're not poor. We're _not_!"

"I know we're not, Jake. I'm sorry. I…I just don't like it when people spend so much money on us. It feels like…"

"Like what? Bella, stop it. This wasn't charity." He spat out the last word. He sat on the bed, letting go of my waist. "It was a present. If they want to spend hundreds of dollars, it's their choice. It doesn't mean we can't buy one by ourselves. I'll go buy you one if it makes you feel better!"

"Jake, please. I'm sorry. I can't help it. It feels like I'm dependent on my father and I don't want to. I'm sorry." I felt like a very bad person. I didn't want to make Jacob think that he couldn't provide for his family. His family was the most important thing to him. A few days ago, I came to the realization that Jacob's family also really included the entire pack. I was trying to adjust to this idea. I'd always known this yet I think I never really understood how much it was true. They sometimes called each other 'brothers' but for me they were just a bunch of men who were linked together because they could morph into giant wolves. It was definitely more than this and I should have seen it before. They weren't hungry men stopping by only to get food. All of a sudden I'd processed that I was getting a family larger than what I expected. I'd resented everything that touched the wolves so much that the simple thought that his friends were more than simply friends never occurred to me until I realized that I couldn't deny that being a wolf was as much important for Jacob as I was. I couldn't deny it.

I extended my hand to touch Jacob's cheek. I was sorry to make him feel bad. He still looked hurt but he pressed his face into my hand nevertheless. He sighed before looking directly into my eyes. He needed my reassurance that it wasn't his fault.

"I don't see anything wrong with your job, Jake. Don't think that I resent you for being a mechanic. You do what you like; it's the only thing that matters. It's just…you know, we always said that we would wait a couple of years before trying to have a baby so we could save money for it. But here we are," I added, looking down at my stomach. Jacob followed my look with a small smile on his face. "I guess I'm a bit scared about how fast things are going."

"You don't have to be scared. I promise everything's going to be fine." He planted a kiss on my forehead after I nodded. He was surely satisfied with my silent answer because he crawled into bed right after. "Sorry I shouted at you."

"I guess I deserved it." Without looking at him I could tell that he was smirking at me.

I got under the covers and, when Jacob was sure I was settled, he turned the light off. I snuggled against him so he was sort of spooning me. It wasn't the best position but it would do for now. I only slept in a tank top and shorts because any other pajamas would have gotten me all sweaty in a matter of minutes. Jacob's heat was sometimes too efficient. Yet, I didn't mind. He folded his arm against my waist once again. The baby kicked harder against his hand which made me smile. I could totally tell the difference between his "normal" kicks and the ones he gave when he sensed Jacob's hands. I was almost certain that the baby really understood that Jacob was a special person for him. Besides, Jacob was also the only one apart from me who was allowed to touch my belly.

"I was so comfortable I'm sure I could have fallen asleep on their couch," I said quietly after a moment of silence. Jacob was tracing random patterns on my stomach with his hand. At first, I used to ask him to stop because it tickled. Then, I came to enjoy the feeling and sometimes I wasn't even aware of what he was doing. I'd find that he had been doing it for quite a while before I registered his hand moving.

"I'm pretty sure you _did_ fall asleep, Bells," Jacob replied with a chuckle.

"No, I didn't!"

Falling asleep on my father's couch on Christmas Eve was acceptable when I was 6. Not when I was 26. But it'd felt so cozy and warm in his living room that I must have dozed off a bit at some point. I could still picture the scene in my mind: the fire, the TV (which was, for once, turned off), the big Christmas tree, the four of us sitting in armchairs and on the couch. In my case, lying down would have been more accurate. I didn't even remember snuggling closer to Jacob or sitting with my legs crossed under me. What I did remember was the three red candles and the four glasses, three filled with wine and one with orange juice, on the coffee table, along with the soft music playing in the background.

Okay, it was highly probable that I fell asleep. We left earlier than I wanted to. I wanted to wait for Seth to come home from his shift but we didn't. Seeing how tired I was, it was the best idea. I could always see Seth later during the week.

"All right. You didn't," Jacob said with another chuckle and a kiss on my shoulder. He sighed contentedly, his breath tickling my neck. "God, Sue's such a good cook. I'm stuffed!"

I wanted to laugh at this. There was no way it could be true. The day Jacob ate too much had yet to arrive. My first reaction would have usually been to scold him for saying stupid things. I wanted to make up for my behavior of a few minutes ago, though. He could use a laugh.

"Are you sick?" I exclaimed in what was my attempt at an anxious voice. I turned around as much as I could to touch his forehead with my hand as to check if he was okay. I was right. It made him laugh the laugh that I liked, the one which made him look so happy. He kissed me quickly on the lips and we went back to our previous position. I felt so safe there in his arms that sleep overcame me faster than I would have thought possible. I tried to muffle my yawn but failed miserably.

"Okay, time to sleep, missy. Good night. I love you."

"Same here," I replied, already half asleep.

……………………………….

I rolled on my side to grab Jacob's hand which had slipped out of my grasp but I was met with nothing. Nothing that belonged to someone human, anyway. My hand came across the sheets carefully tucked all around me. That's why I wasn't cold even if I wasn't in direct contact with Jacob's body. I untangled myself to reach for him to find that he wasn't in the bed at all. Well, I thought, he must have gone get a snack. I knew he couldn't have eaten too much at my Dad's. And I lay on my back again, trying to get the sheets back in their previous position to keep me warm. Then I realized that my mouth was dry and that I wouldn't go back to sleep if I was thirsty. I vaguely remembered not taking a glass of water in the bedroom, which meant that I had to get up.

I grumbled at the idea of leaving the warm bed. Jacob had been very careful that I didn't get cold so it took me a few minutes to turn down the sheets, the duvet _and_ the blanket he had put on top of everything. He really took great care of me. I fumbled around until I found my robe. I didn't see my surroundings very clearly; I still wasn't completely awake.

"Sshh. Go back to sleep. Mommy's just thirsty," I whispered when the baby kicked painfully.

There was some light down the hall but it didn't come from the room I expected. It came from the left, from the living room. I couldn't help being curious. My drink wasn't going to go away. I walked as quietly as possible for me. Jacob was sitting on the floor between the couch and the coffee table, the only light coming from the little Christmas lights that my mom bought us when she was there a few weeks ago. There were so many of them all around the room that I could see everything clearly.

Jacob was totally oblivious of the fact that he was being watched. He was looking at a book set down on the coffee table and every few seconds, he would stroke the dog's head, much to her delight. A smile spread on my face at the sight in front of me. Jacob thought it was weird to have a dog but I knew that deep inside he liked Beta. I was still a bit mad that he lied to me about being Sam's second. After we made up (and out for this matter), to my utter shame, on the _school_ parking lot, I realized that all this time, Jacob had been Sam's _beta_*. It was simply hilarious. Referring to the dog and Jacob by the same name was one of my ways of making him pay for his lie. It was mean so I didn't plan on doing it for too long. But it was fun nevertheless.

"Santa won't come if you wait up for him, you know," I said quietly to make my presence known to Jacob. It didn't startle him or anything to hear my voice in the silent house. Not that I meant to but it would have been a nice change for him to be the one taken by surprise. He simply raised his head, a grin on his face. He looked at the clock and frowned back at me.

"What are you doing up, Bella? It's not even half past three. Go back to sleep."

"You're not the only one allowed to get up in the middle of the night. And I don't need you to tell me what to do."

My ability to keep my mood swings in check was improving slowly yet, I was half asleep so it was harder than usual at that moment. I didn't mean to snap at him. I couldn't help it. He didn't respond. Jacob had learned to not reply when I was being harsh because he knew it would only aggravate the situation. I went to the kitchen to get some water. Then, I was faced with two options. I could either go back to sleep, which was very tempting, or go to Jacob and be nice. It was Christmas; I chose the second one.

I took my glass of water with me and went to join Jacob. He was still looking at the same book but he must have been waiting for me to return, given the apprehensive look he threw in the direction of the kitchen. The wooden floor was cold against my bare feet. I hurried to Jacob's side on the carpet which had been a wedding present from my mother. I could have avoided any difficulty and sat on the couch. Instead, I sat with some effort on the floor. Jacob saw what I was trying to do and helped me lower to his level. I pressed my lips to his while he brought me closer to him, his arm around my waist.

"Sorry I snapped at you," I apologized when I pulled away. His free hand squeezed mine in response.

"I guess I just have to get used to it." He hadn't finished his sentence before he seemed to realize what he said. This must be the hardest thing for him. Jacob didn't really watch his words in general. Most of the time, he said what he had on his mind. Especially when he thought it was funny. But now, he had to be careful around me and he wasn't very good at it. I opened my mouth to say something that I would regret in a few minutes when my eyes were distracted by something else.

"What's this?" I asked, pointing at the Christmas tree next to the fireplace. The lights weren't on but I could discern the packages at the bottom. And one was _huge_.

"Well, it seems that Santa's already visited us. It's weird; he left all this stuff even though you didn't think of putting some milk and cookies out for him." Jacob was playing along with my joke from earlier and I didn't mind at all. I was completely awake now. Something in my brain clicked and all I could think of was: presents. And I wasn't a patient person by nature.

"What is it? Oh my God, this one is gigantic! Can we open them?"

Jacob laughed out loud at my display of enthusiasm. I was pretty certain that if it wasn't for the pressure of his hand on my hip, I would have been jumping up and down. He kissed my cheek, ruffled my hair before tucking a wild lock behind my ear. Then, he shook his head.

"We don't open presents in the middle of the night. You have to wait for Christmas morning, Bells."

"Please," I asked again, pouting and perfectly aware that I was acting like a child. Jacob shook his head once again. "Besides, it's half past three on December, 25th. Technically, it _is_ Christmas morning."

"Oh, you're right. Merry Christmas, then," Jacob whispered in my ear before kissing me on the lips. I wasn't going to open my presents right now but as long as he was kissing me, I didn't really care about the rest. I whispered "Merry Christmas" back when I pulled away to get some air. I bent forward to reciprocate the kiss. At the same moment, the dog whimpered from her spot on Jacob's right side. I smiled and looked in her direction to motion for her to come to me.

"You're jealous? You want your kiss, too, don't you?" Yes, I talked to my dog as if she was a kid. Jacob thought it was ridiculous. And no matter what I said, I _don't_ kiss my dog. She received some strokes and a "Merry Christmas" instead. Jacob snorted when I said it.

"I know someone else who deserves a "Merry Christmas" more than the dog," he explained as I furrowed* my eyebrows in confusion. He lowered his head to my stomach to press his lips to it. "Merry Christmas, baby girl."

"I already told you that it's a boy, Jake." I never imagined that Jacob would want a girl so badly. It was almost scary. He said he felt it in his bones while I had the profound feeling that it was a boy. I thought this way from the start. It was a boy. I was sure of it.

"I think it's a girl, Bells. Remember that you admitted I was always right last month. Trust me. It's a girl."

"It's a boy."

"A girl."

"A boy."

"Wanna bet?"

"A b…wait. What?" Had I heard his question correctly? He repeated it with a seriousness that showed that it wasn't a joke. "Do you seriously want to bet on the baby's sex?" I sounded astonished because I was. Leave it to Jacob to come up with such an idea.

"Sure, why not? It could be fun. What d'you say?"

"Ok…ay? But what do you want to bet?"

"Let's see…" Jacob put his finger on his chin and looked up at the ceiling as if he was in deep reflection. I had to laugh at his facial expression. "What about our first time out after the baby's born?" he asked a few seconds later.

"You know that it won't happen right after his birth, right? It might take several months before we get time for ourselves. Are you sure you want to wait that long?"

"You're only saying that because you're afraid to lose." He nudged my side, a mischievous smile on his face. I knew him too well. And _he_ knew me too well. He was pushing me to enter his game. It worked.

"I'll win. It's a boy so we'll go see a real Shakespearean play in a real theatre!" I exclaimed, already enthusiastic at the idea. Jacob grimaced.

"No, no, no. It's a girl and we'll go see a real football game with real teams." _I_ grimaced at this. "Do we have a deal?"

"Yep." I shook his hand firmly. This was ridiculous but it could be fun. "You better be a boy, little kangaroo."

"Don't influence him, Bells. That's not fair."

We both shared a laugh and settled back in the position we were in before I got all excited and we bet on the last thing I would have thought of. I rested my head on Jacob's chest, feeling his steady heartbeat against my cheek. We stayed like this a moment until I opened my eyes again to spot the book he was looking at earlier. I recognized it as the wedding scrapbook my mother made. She sent it to us two days ago and we had to agree that it was way better than the one from the photographer. She was really talented.

"This tux makes you look older," I stated, pointing at a picture in which Jacob was staring directly at the camera. His face wasn't particularly rigid but his look was profound and penetrating, as if he was trying to burn a hole through me. There was something about the black jacket and the white shirt underneath it which added a little something else to him. I couldn't really point out what it was but I liked it.

"I'll show you my favorite picture. Here." He flipped through the pages until he found what he was looking for. There were several pictures, one bigger than the others. On all of them, Jacob and I were dancing. _And_ enjoying it. Dancing wasn't my favorite activity but this dance had been one of the best moments of our wedding. I'd always found the song really catchy but I hated the lyrics. They reminded me of imprinting. Now, I wouldn't mind them. Back in August or even before, it was another story. So, Jacob had made up his own lyrics. They didn't quite match the rhythm, which made them more perfect. (1)

"You were so beautiful, like an angel." I blushed at the compliment. It was weird how the wedding felt like it happened ages ago when in reality we'd only been married for four and a half months. It felt like forever and I liked it. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to be married. I'd never seen myself as someone who would have gotten married yet it felt only natural in my relationship with Jacob. There was a time when thinking that I might have a husband one day would have seemed ridiculous to me, thanks to my mother's influence. But to my utter surprise, I didn't even freak out when Jacob proposed to me. Getting married could only be good if the man sitting next to me was involved.

"You weren't so bad yourself, my dear husband."

I raised my head and turned slightly to have a better angle. Jacob saw what I intended to do because he lowered his face so his lips could meet mine. I sighed happily. I never wanted to stop kissing Jacob. He took the opportunity of my parted lips to slide his tongue inside my mouth, not that I complained. Without realizing it, I was raising my body from the floor, one hand in Jacob's hair to pull him closer, the other one clasped to his tee-shirt. Tee-shirt or not, I traced trails over his chest with my fingertips, eliciting a moan which showed that he liked it. His hands landed on my sides, pushing my robe off of my shoulders.

Jacob's lips deserted mine to place soft kisses on my neck until he reached my tank top strap. He pushed it down with his teeth, grazing my skin, and I was the one to moan. His hands roamed my back, leaving my skin hot after their passage. My hand sneaked under his tee-shirt and the baby kicked, bringing me back to reality.

"Jake…," I whispered, gathering all my willpower to ask him to stop. "Jake, the baby…" He froze for a second before putting my strap back in place and he kissed my neck one last time.

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"Never apologize for this, Jake. Never."

He looked at me with his dark eyes. I didn't like having to stop either but we didn't quite have the choice. Our breathing was rather labored and our heartbeats were completely wild. Then, against all odds, I yawned. I had forgotten that I'd only intended to stay up for a few minutes. Jacob stood up, extending his hand to help me stand up, too.

"Carry me, Jake?"

"Well, well. Look who's getting used to her privileges."

I stuck my tongue out at him in response to his sly smile but it didn't prevent him from carefully picking me up to take me to our bedroom.

* * *

(1) The song Bella refers to is _I haven't met you yet_ by Michael Bublé. I don't know you but even its title screams imprinting to me!

All right. So next chapter may take some time to get to you because my beta first has to proofread a one-shot (rather long I have to say) that I've written for a contest. Next chapter may be up in the middle of April.

Reviews are enjoyable even when nothing angsty happened in the chapter :)

**Chapter 24: Christmas cliché**

**"It's a pretty dress that you have there, Bella. (...) I didn't know that my son had such good fashion taste."**


	26. Chapter 24

This chapter is dedicated to **tazz0617**, my wonderful, amazing, incredible friend. She makes my life look like a crazy one but I can't really blame her for this. She loves vampires, I love werewolves, we make quite an odd pair. I love you!

A huge thanks to my amazing and incredible beta, _**faite-comme-moi**_. She works so fast on my stuff and she bears with me when I make stupid, stupid mistakes.

Important thing! I know I only started posting on FFnet during last summer but the first chapter of this story was published on Twi'd on **_May, 1st 2009_**. I can't quite believe it's already been one year! Thank you all for reading and bearing with me when I make Bella and Jacob's lives look like hell! Your reading and your reviews mean the world to me, really.

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, well nothing mentioned in this chapter anyway!

**A few notes on this chapter:**

**1. I'm French, remember? And I'm culturally speaking very proud of my country. Keep this in mind while reading.**

**2. Bella hates sports. I don't. Don't get angry for everything that could be offensive to you.**

That's all! Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 24 Christmas cliché**

_**Bella's POV**_

_**Thursday, December 25th.**_

I felt really warm in the bed. Not too hot, not as sweaty as I sometimes was when I was too close to Jacob. I didn't want to wake up. I wanted to spend the whole day in this bed with my eyes closed. Besides, I was having a really good dream. Any dream that included Jacob was bound to be a good one. But I was starting to drift away from sleep. Even with my eyes shut, I could tell that there was a bright light in the room. My dream was fading and instead, something was tugging at my hand which had accidentally left the warmth of the sheets. Damn dog. How had she managed to get into our bedroom when the door was closed? And, more importantly, why was I the one sleeping on the side of the bed closest to the door? She never bothered Jacob when he was sleeping, only me. It didn't make me feel special. It annoyed the hell out of me.

"Go away, Beta," I grumbled, sliding my hand to my side. It didn't discourage the dog from continuing. She nudged me gently as if she was doing it on purpose. As if she really wanted to wake me up. The worst part was that it was working. I put my head under my pillow and from my shelter, heard my name being called from a distance. "Beta, leave me alone." Someone chuckled at this, a sound that a dog could definitely _not _make.

"I'm not beta anymore, Bells." Oh. So Jacob wanted to wake me up? I thought he loved me. I hated what he was doing right now. I didn't want to wake up. It was Christmas break; I could sleep as long as I wanted to. "What was that?" he asked when I mumbled once again for him to go away. He grabbed the pillow and my whole face was exposed to the morning light. He wasn't going to win. I wanted to stay in bed. I pulled the blanket above my head.

"Come on, honey. Wake up," Jacob whispered, his mouth really close to my ear and his hand brushing the locks of my hair which weren't hidden with the rest of my body. "You asked me to wake you up at nine and it's already ten. You've got to wake up now."

"Why would I have asked you such a stupid thing? I'm on vacation. I won't get up until noon. Now, let me be."

"Bella, honey. Wake up. It's Christmas morning."

My eyes snapped open at once. It was Christmas morning? How could I have forgotten? All of a sudden, I was completely awake. I pushed the sheets away from my face, glad to be able to breathe again. Jacob looked very satisfied. This better not be one of his tricks. No. It was Christmas morning. I remembered it now. I could open my presents. I sat up in bed quickly only to feel dizzy because of the fast movement. I lay back down to stop the spinning.

"So, do I need to carry you or have you recovered the use of your legs?" Jacob asked playfully. Just like the night before, I stuck my tongue out at him while disentangling myself from the bed sheets.

"I'm a big girl. I can walk, thank you very much." I reached for my robe and my slippers then shoved Jacob out of the room so I could get his presents. There wasn't really a point in wanting to keep the place where I'd put them secret but he obeyed nevertheless. I caught sight of my face in the mirror. No need to say that I looked terrible. My hair was a mess, another reason to cut it short. Less trouble to comb it in the morning. And my face was as pale as snow. But again, photos taken on Christmas morning were the only ones in which it was acceptable for people to look far from perfect. I smiled to myself at the thought that it was my first real Christmas with Jacob. We had never woken up on Christmas morning in the same house as a married couple before.

He may have been thinking something along the same line because, when I came into the living room, he was literally beaming. He looked like a small child waiting to rip wrapping paper to play with his new toys. Before I could tease him about it, he had taken the two packages from my hands and had put them under the tree.

"You've got to see this!" Jacob exclaimed, grabbing my hand. In a few seconds, we were looking out the window at the front yard. And I was more than surprised by what I saw. I thought it only happened in movies. It was _so_ cliché.

"Can you believe it? It's snowing! On Christmas morning!" He looked so ecstatic that it was funny to watch. People could really become children again at Christmas. I had to share his enthusiasm, though. These weren't some random snow flurries. The whole front yard plus the driveway were white. It must have been snowing for quite some time already. The best part was that, as Jacob mentioned it, it was _still_ snowing and it didn't seem likely to stop any time soon. It was perfect.

"Look, kangaroo. It's snowing," I whispered down while cradling my stomach with my hands, taking Jacob's one with mine. I should have felt stupid to ask him to look at the snow when I knew that it wasn't something he could do yet. Instead, it felt like the right thing to do. I had to share the experience with him. I didn't have a lot of white Christmases in my life so it made this morning even more special. I hoped that the snow would stay long enough for us to go outside and enjoy it.

Jacob kissed the top of my head, his smile never leaving his face and his eyes glued to the snowflakes falling from the sky. At this precise moment, I could totally understand how children were able to stay hours sitting at a window watching the snow fall without getting bored. It was magical.

"Well…the snow is great but what about our presents, now?" Jacob asked after a few minutes of peaceful silence. The mention of presents was the only thing capable of tearing my face away from that window.

"Right, presents. You first," I said when we both sat down on the floor beside the Christmas tree. I handed him one of his presents and he took it eagerly. "God, you're such a child." I couldn't help but laugh when he shook it to see if something inside was making noise. He finally tore off the paper to reveal the video game it took me so long to choose. I was crossing my fingers that Quil didn't have it already.

"You don't have it, do you?" I enquired when he didn't say anything. It would be exactly my luck to spend an hour choosing a game to end up buying one they already had.

"No. No, I don't. Thanks, Bella. If you knew how bad Quil is at this kind of game! It's gonna be fun. Now, gimme my book," Jacob kind of ordered, his hands extended towards me after he gave me a peck on the lips.

"Geez, you better not be as impatient as your Daddy, kangaroo."

"You're not really patient either, you know," Jacob replied with a wink when he saw me rolling my eyes. "Okay, let me rephrase it, will you? Would you be nice enough to give me my book, please?"

I had to laugh at this but I handed him his second square present. He knew that it was a book because I always got Jacob a book for Christmas. It would be a classic, either one that I liked a lot or one that I thought he would enjoy. It started off as a joke years ago and now it was our ritual.

"Jacques…the Fatalist," Jacob quoted, staring at the cover of the book, frowning. "Never heard of it. What is it about?"

"It's a French philosophical novel. Don't make that face, it's not _that_ difficult to understand. I wasn't mean enough to give you the text in French. Now, read the dedication."

He flipped through the first pages until he found what he was looking for. Then, another smile lit his face.

" 'I certainly don't know where I'm going. But I'm sure of one thing. I'm going there with you. Love you, Bells,' " Jacob read out loud, his eyes sparkling when he met mine. I had never seen him so delighted in his whole life. I bought the novel only a few days before because I wanted a very special book. And I came across this one. It was exactly what I was looking for. In some way, it reflected what happened with Jacob's weird imprinting. We would stay together, no matter where fate would take us.

"It's about this guy and his master. They're travelling but you never find out where they're actually going. It's full of funny little stories. Some are even kind of…sexual. You'll like it."

"I'm sure I will. Thank you, Bells." He bent over to kiss me, this time longer than the first time. I knew the dedication pleased him so I was glad to have found the right words to express my feelings. He rested his forehead against mine for a few seconds, his eyes staring intently into mine. He still had stars in them. It made me feel all warm inside to see that he was so happy because of me. Jacob said that imprinting, or whatever it was that happened to him, didn't change the way he felt about me. Yet, there were new little things like the sparkles right then that had started only a couple of weeks ago. Sometimes, he would pronounce my name in such a sweet voice or look at me like he had never seen anything more incredible in his life. Jacob already loved me a lot before his revelation in the parking lot. Now, it looked like his love had expanded. I didn't think it was possible for someone to love somebody else so fully and intensively.

I'm sure we only stayed like this a short time but for me, it felt like an eternity had passed when Jacob pushed himself away from me after a kiss on my nose. I had this strange feeling that time stopped when I was looking into his eyes. It was like we could have whole conversations without uttering a single word. It had always been like this and I believed that at the very start, when we were just teenagers, it's the thing that made me feel comfortable with opening to Jacob. If he could understand me so completely only by looking at me, we were bound to understand each other when we were speaking.

"All right. Your turn now. Open this one." He dragged towards me the big package that I had noticed last night. I was happy that he liked his presents but a part of me was dying with impatience to open mine. I reached for the card first, finding out that the present was from my mom. She bought so many things for us, she really should stop doing it. But I knew that she liked it so I didn't say anything.

"The card says it's for both of us."

"Yeah, but I know what it is. Go ahead. Open it."

"How do you know what's in it?"

"You're not as observant as you think you are," Jacob teased me. "We went to buy it when we were driving back from the airport when your mom came to visit us. Apparently, she saw it online but didn't want to have it delivered to our house in case you might be there," he explained. "We hid it in the garage. I'm actually surprised you didn't find it. I thought you would turn the house topsy-turvy to get to your presents."

"You're the one acting like a child most of the time, Jake." I flashed him a bright smile and he pouted in return. It was so sweet that I laughed without intending to. He slightly pushed my shoulder to which I responded by pushing against his chest. I was well aware that I would never have enough strength in my arms to make him fall down but he played along with me. He fell backwards on the floor, holding his side with two hands as if I had wounded him. I'd just made my point.

"See? You're a kid. Get up from over there and let's open this present." Jacob grabbed the hand I extended towards him. He didn't let go of it afterwards so I only had one hand available to rip off the paper. It didn't take me too long, though. Soon enough, what was inside was revealed and I gasped.

"Oh. My. God. She didn't." I turned around to look at Jacob who was nodding in response. He was also eyeing me with apprehension. Considering how I reacted last night with the stroller I could understand his attitude. I guess I'd just have to accept that my parents wanted to buy all this baby stuff for us. They were going to be grandparents, they wanted to get involved. But it had to stop. I'd have to tell them that all their presents were great. It just made me feel better to buy them by myself.

"Bella…you're not mad, are you?" Jacob asked, bringing me out of my thoughts. I wasn't mad. I'd surrendered, for the moment. I couldn't take my eyes off of the picture of the crib on the box. I simply couldn't believe it. It looked exactly like what I had in mind. It was the color we said we wanted because it would go well with the paint for the walls.

"No, no. I'm not," I replied when Jacob asked his question again. "I'm just…speechless. I mean…it's exactly what we wanted. How…how did she know? Oh, you kept that quiet, didn't you?" I suddenly realized.

Jacob smiled mischievously but I couldn't hold this lie against him. He hadn't meant any harm. But if he had known that we were getting a crib all along, I had been more than unfair.

"I'm so sorry I was so angry the other week." I felt awful yet, in my defense, I couldn't have known. I'd seen this ad for some cribs that were on sale and one was almost like the perfect one from my point of view. I'd wanted to buy it because it was an opportunity not to miss. Instead of agreeing with me, Jacob didn't take it seriously. He said he didn't like it and that we weren't in any rush to buy one. I was _so_ pissed at him. Now, I understood.

"It's okay, you didn't know."

"That's not an excuse. I shouldn't shout at you like that. I mean, it's not fair to you."

"It's okay, Bella. It's not really you fault." Jacob squeezed my shoulder to reassure me. I was sure that I was driving him crazy but he was nice to try to make me think otherwise. It may not be entirely my fault, but still. I felt pretty bad about it. Most of the time, he didn't even deserve the extra yelling. Most of the time.

"Oh, it's awesome, Jake. Thank you so much!" I exclaimed, changing the subject and forcing a smile on my face to forget about my unpredictable mood swings.

"I think it's more appropriate to thank your mom but you're welcome. I'm relieved that you like it." And his smile wasn't a fake one. Jacob hadn't stopped smiling since he woke me up. How he could not feel tired of doing it, I didn't know. It was amazing to look at. In a second, _my_ smile wasn't forced anymore.

"Do you want my presents or have you had enough already?" Without responding, I took the box that he had in his hands. It weighted nothing at all. It looked like it came from a department store. I mimicked Jacob's action from earlier and shook it to see if any noise came from it. I didn't hear anything. Opening Christmas presents was fun.

I opened the box, which in itself was so beautiful that it could have been empty and it would have made a nice present anyway. I got rid of all the tissue paper until I felt fabric under my hands. I took the garment out of the box to see it more clearly. My smile stretched even more. It was black. And it was a dress.

"You said you were upset that you couldn't wear your black dress because of the baby so I thought you'd like this one."

"It's gorgeous, Jake! Thank you!" I bent over to press my lips against his. He couldn't have found a more perfect present. I didn't want to buy a maternity dress like this one because I knew I wouldn't use it for more than a few months but I had missed my black dress. I stood up to get a closer look at the dress. It looked a bit too large for me. Yet, _I_ was larger than usual. I had to try it on to see if it fit. I had to try it on right now.

"I'm going to put it on. I'll be back in a minute!" I hurried to our bedroom, not giving Jacob the chance to object. He only muttered something about me going all Shannon on this. Maybe I was. Shannon had a very special way of opening Christmas presents. She opened one then she had to play with her new toy before moving on to a second present, playing with it and so on. According to Kim, it took them forever to go through all their daughter's presents. Yes, I was going all Shannon on this one.

I quickly stripped off my top and my shorts to put on the dress. I could actually have kept them on because they would have been hidden under the black clothing. To my surprise, even if the dress had looked too big, it was my size. I didn't even wince at the fact that it meant that I was bigger. I didn't want to brag or anything but I looked awesome in this dress. I loved the long sleeves, an imperative for these winter months. The neckline was kind of unusual and at the same time, it was what I liked about it. I wasn't going to change back. I wanted to wear this dress for the rest of the day.

"What do you think?" I asked Jacob when I was back in the living room. I did a little twirl to show him how great I looked. It was a bad idea. My sense of balance should make it forbidden for me to do this kind of move. I tripped on my own foot and landed in Jacob's arms. He must have sensed that it would end in a catastrophe because he had stood up even before I tried to act like a ballerina.

"You look great, Bells. Let's avoid a trip to the hospital, though. Okay?" He sounded so serious and maybe even a bit afraid that we would finish the day over there that I couldn't be mad at him for being overprotective. If it wasn't for his reflexes, I would have fallen down. Again. "You do look gorgeous, you know." He added after examining me closely. He didn't show too much but inside I knew that he must have been high fiving himself for getting me a dress that I liked.

"I know, right? It's exactly what I wanted. It's just too bad that I won't be using it for more than a few months. I could wear it every day."

"Well, I'm sure you'll have plenty of other opportunities to wear it in the future."

Jacob was definitely the kind of guy who wasn't afraid of having kids. He had to be little anxious, sure. I mean, everybody is in this situation. For now, he simply wasn't scared by the idea that we were going to have a child to care for and look after for the rest of our lives. And he was already insinuating that he wanted more than one. I didn't know about this yet but his attitude right now couldn't make me happier.

"We'll see about that." I patted his cheek playfully and he guided me towards the couch. Apparently, I needed to be sitting for my second present. Jacob sat down next to me, a look of apprehension on his face. He was starting to scare me.

"Okay. So don't go all crazy on me because I swear, I didn't spend a cent on this."

He handed me a package that I opened at once. He had aroused my curiosity along with a little something else which feared what I was about to discover. It was a good thing I was sitting down. I literally froze, my hands still holding the lid of the box, my mouth wide open, my eyes glued to my present.

"Not a single cent, remember?"

"You got me a freaking _laptop_?" I seemed to have recovered the use of my speech even if I was still in shock. A laptop. Jacob got me a laptop. I bought him a video game and in exchange, I was receiving a laptop. I felt ashamed of myself. His presents were so much better than mine. It wasn't fair. "You…you…oh my God, Jake! Thank you so much! Thank you, thank you!" I threw my arms around his neck to hug him as close as I could. My last laptop broke down a year earlier and, because we had to pay for the wedding, I didn't buy another one. It wasn't like it was something I really needed. Yet, I was accumulating lots of flying papers from my writing class so it would be more than nice to have everything typed up.

"I got it from the Community Center. They're getting these new computers from the government so Emily said I could have it if I spend some hours with the kids to pay for it. It's not brand new. Embry cleared off the hard drive for you but…"

"Shut up, Jake," I cut him off in the middle of his embarrassed explanation. I didn't care that it wasn't a state-of-the-art laptop. I didn't care how many people had used it before. It was mine from now on. Jacob got me a laptop. I still couldn't believe it. "It's the best present ever. I mean…wow."

And then, without knowing why or how, my smile crumbled to be replaced by tears. It surprised me so much that I didn't have time to try to hide it from Jacob. He heard my sob and pulled away from me, looking completely taken aback by what was happening. I wasn't sad but tears were rolling down my cheeks anyway.

"Don't cry. It's just a present. Don't cry. It's okay."

"I…I can't help it. I can't stop it, either."

"You're giving your Mommy a hard time, kangaroo," Jacob chuckled, placing his hand on my stomach to rub it softly as if it could make me stop crying. At least, crying was better than when I yelled for nothing.

"It's worth it."

"Yes. Yes, it is." Jacob threw me a warm smile before gathering me in his arms until I dried my eyes. When I eventually came back to my senses, the only thing in my mind was that this morning had been the best Christmas morning ever. It deserved something that I didn't say often.

"I love you, Jake."

"I love you, too, Bells."

..........................................................

I wasn't kidding when I said that I was going to wear my new dress all day. I had it off the time it took to take a shower but that was all. I was wearing it right now. Underneath an apron because I may be talented when I cooked yet it didn't mean I wasn't clumsy. With my luck I would have gotten it stained in record time. Instead, the apron got stained. I was too predictable.

Now, the food was ready, the table was set. I only had to wait for Jacob to come back with Billy. I also had to find something to make up for my lame presents. Jacob assured me that I didn't have to but I wouldn't feel comfortable until I had. I should have given him something so much better than a video game even though he said that it was great. I still hadn't found a good idea. I couldn't cook him a nice dinner because even when I felt lazy I couldn't bring myself not to cook. Jacob always had good food to eat, it wouldn't be exceptional for him. I sucked at finding things that he could enjoy.

I didn't have any more time to find anything because I heard the car slowing down in the driveway. I went to check on the food in the oven just to be sure that it wasn't burning. I grabbed my coat and my scarf and stepped outside to greet Billy. I was watching where I was going more carefully than usual. _We don't want to end up at the hospital, remember? _I looked up but I didn't get the chance to say hello. I was hit simultaneously by two snowballs. In the face. It didn't hurt. It was more fun than anything else. Like father, like son, they say. In Jacob's case, it was definitely true.

They were both looking at me with huge grins on their faces like nothing at all happened. I loved the snow, especially because I didn't have many opportunities to see much of it. I wanted to play, too. I shook my head to get rid of the snow in my hair. By the time I was done, Jacob had wheeled Billy up towards me.

"How's my favorite daughter-in-law doing today?" When you looked at Billy, it was clear that Jacob had inherited his smile from him. Billy seemed so happy to be here today that it made me even happier. It mustn't be easy for him to live alone. Jacob and he had this very special bound although it didn't show often. I knew that moving out from his father's had been difficult for Jacob. He never missed a chance to spend some time with Billy whenever he could. It was only natural that he would spend the day with us.

"She's doing more than fine, thank you. And she's honored to be your favorite even if it's not really hard given that she's your only one." I bent down to give him a hug and also to whisper in his ear that I would get my revenge later. He laughed at this but he better be careful. I was rather good at throwing things without missing my mark, especially when it was something as weightless as snow. "Come inside, it's freezing out there. I'll get my revenge from you, too, you know," I added for Jacob. I didn't want him to think that I had forgotten _his _snowball. He didn't look scared by my threat.

"It's a pretty dress that you got there, Bella," Billy said when we were inside and I took my coat off. It really _was_ freezing outside. I saw Jacob smiling proudly at his father's words. Only he could be so excited to have bought something that everybody liked.

"Thank you. It's actually a present from Jacob."

"Wow. I didn't know that my son had such good fashion taste." He sounded so serious when he said this that I couldn't help laughing. He joined me rapidly while Jacob glanced at us with a dark look. He didn't seem to appreciate the joke very much.

"Ha ha ha. Careful, old man. I'm the one driving you back, don't forget that."

"Oh, Bella will take me home if you don't want to. Won't you, Bella?"

"Of course I will. But right now, I'm going to feed you. Come on, dinner's ready."

The guys made their way to the living room and I went to the kitchen to get the starters. I was quickly joined by Jacob who came to help me. In the end, he was the one holding the two plates. I only had to walk next to him.

"You keep on making me wag my finger, Jake," I teased him, sliding my arm around his waist for support. "You act like a child every time you have the chance to." And he made that even truer by sticking his tongue out at me.

.......................................................................

I never understood why sports were such a big deal for men. All the men in my family could spend hours in front of a TV watching players running around after a ball. Whether it was a football or a base ball game didn't really matter. A re-run was also good for them. Jacob inherited this from his father but it seemed that Charlie hadn't been as successful as Billy with me. Maybe it had to do with the fact that I was a girl. Yet, every time I came to visit my father when I was younger, I had to watch these games with him. I even had to go to stadiums when Renée was dating, and then was married to, Phil. I just didn't enjoy it. I didn't see the point.

As expected, as soon as we were done eating, Jacob and Billy settled in front of the TV. I didn't mind. It was something they both liked to do. We hadn't eaten dessert yet so, to avoid watching men behaving like savages on a green field, I went to get the pieces of cake ready in the kitchen. Then, if they were so engrossed in the game they wouldn't notice if their food didn't arrive right away. I should have known better.

"Bella, what are you doing in that kitchen?" Jacob shouted from the living room after a few minutes had passed. "You better not be washing those dishes!" I completely froze, my hands still deep in the hot, foamy water in the sink. How did he know? I turned around to make sure that he wasn't in the room with me.

"Of course not!" I shouted back, drying my hands. I guessed I'd just have to watch the game. Maybe I would be lucky and fall asleep.

"Bella! Don't make me come and get you…oh, you're here." Jacob's voice went back to its normal volume when he saw that I was back with them. He also sat down again on the couch, directing his attention towards the screen. I set the tray on the coffee table, mentally congratulating myself for not having broken anything. I gave his plate to Jacob and he took it, barely thanking me. Stupid football.

"I gave you a bigger piece because you're my favorite father-in-law," I said, winking at Billy and I was actually glad that he stopped looking at the screen to thank me with a big smile. I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before sitting down next to Jacob. Well, snuggling would be more accurate. I rested my head against his arm, hoping to fall asleep. It didn't happen, though. So I tried to concentrate on the game but I didn't know the rules. It didn't make any sense to me. It was boring.

"Jesus, what are you trying to do in there?" I suddenly exclaimed, startling both Jacob and Billy, after the baby kicked three times in a row against the very same spot. I didn't mind him kicking once in a while but right now, it had been rather painful. "I think he's trying to break through already," I explained.

"Well, try to keep him in there a little bit longer," Jacob replied, tightening his hold on my waist. I was sure that he found it hilarious that the baby kicked so much. According to the doctor

it was a good sign but I would have liked for Jacob to be able to feel the pain, too. He would find it less funny.

Billy also smiled at me before looking back at the TV. It wasn't quick enough for me not to see the expression on his face. I totally abhorred people wanting to feel the baby moving. It was _my_ stomach and nobody would want to touch it if there wasn't someone inside. I didn't see why it should be different just because I was pregnant. It was Christmas, though. And Billy looked like he would like feeling the baby moving. I could make an effort for him.

"Hey, Billy. Would you like to feel your grandkid playing what I believe is soccer?" I asked, standing up from the couch. All of a sudden, the game was all forgotten. Jacob gazed at me in disbelief while his father's face lit up. I knew he wouldn't have asked for it so he must be glad that I suggested it myself. He extended his hand towards me and I was afraid that the baby wasn't going to respond to his touch.

I was wrong. The baby kicked against Billy's hand. Surprisingly, his hand on me wasn't as unpleasant as I thought it would be. It didn't mean that I'd let anybody touch my belly. One exception was enough. It was worth it, too. To see the smile on Billy's face, the way his eyes sparkled, it was worth everything. We stayed like that a whole minute before he withdrew his hand, apparently satisfied.

"I can't wait for him to be born. I bet he's going to love watching football with his grandpas."

"There's no doubt about that," I said, sitting back down, secretly thrilled that Billy also thought that the baby was a boy.

"Thank you, Bells," Jacob whispered in my ear. I knew he referred to the fact that I let someone else, especially his father, feel the baby. It meant a lot to him. In a sense, it felt like I had partially made up for my stupid video game present.

* * *

Brace yourself. This is a very long End Note.

1. The book Bella gave Jacob is called _Jacques the_ _Fatalist And His Master_. It's a French philosophical novel by Diderot and it's really, really good and quite funny, too. Of course, it's always better to read stuff in the language they were written but I looked it up and there is an English translation. I had to write what would be the equivalent of my senior English final on it and I got the highest grade in my class! And for the summary, Bella did a pretty good job in the chapter!

2. There's a link to the dress Jacob bought on my profile page. Go check it out!

3. Last month, I took part in the **Support Stacie Auction** and won a Jacob/Bella fic. It's quite short and very sweet and was written by an amazing author. There's more information on my profile page. Here's the link to the story: **http://www(.)fanfiction(.)net/s/5908761/1/**

4. Last chapter, I told you that I was writing a one-shot for a contest. It's now posted on the website. You do have to register to read it but it's really easy to do, exactly the same as registering to Twi'd and I can promise you that the story is rather good. It's quite hot, too. Voting starts next week if I'm correct. Here's the link to the story: **http://www(.)twcslibrary(.)com/viewstory(.)php?sid=1655** And here's the link to the contest page: **http://www(.)twcslibrary(.)com/modules/challenges/challenges(.)php?chalid=4**

5. And now, the **"I now you don't care but I'm going to tell you the story of my life anyway"** section. As you may remember, back in September, I went to Ireland to spend a year abroad, studying. I just got back in France and I made a slide-show video of my whole year with pretty pictures of Ireland. If you'd like to take a look at it, just PM me.

6. Remember **tazz0617**? The chapter is dedicated to her. Well, she has an amazing blog where she interviews and recommends lots and lots of fics. As long as the story is good, she will pimp it. She's already talked about the Kangaroo twice and I'm very thankful for this! Here's the link to her blog: **http://tazz0617(.)blogspot(.)com**

And I don't need to tell you to get rid of the brackets so the links can work :)

**Chapter 25: What About Gamma?**

**"Do you know what we could do? We could look for baby names."**

Last, last thing. Twitter: **mellyb6**. Stalk away (if you dare).


	27. Chapter 25

Hey, it's me again! You didn't think I had forgotten you, did you? Real Life is crazy, busy right now with exams and work and fandom stuff. I barely have time to breathe.

Thanks to my beta **faite-comme-moi** for, among other things, checking the spelling and changing all my Irish spelling into an American one.

There are lots of references in this chapter that I will explain in the End Notes because if I do it now, I will spoil the whole thing!

Disclaimer: I own a couple of things but certainly not Jacob or Bella. It's sad but it's true.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 25 ****What about Gamma? **

_Bella's POV_

_Saturday, December 27th._

I might have had prejudices against marriage before. Prejudices about how it could make me miss opportunities, about how I could wake up one morning and realize this wasn't the life I had wanted. Prejudices my parents' marriage planted in me. At that precise minute, the world could have collapsed, I couldn't have cared less. All those prejudices were going through the window. Literally, at least. There was no way I was getting up from that couch. I felt perfectly content and I had no intention to disturb that.

I was lying down on the couch, wearing a simple tee-shirt, which may sound crazy during winter but Jacob was always so afraid that I would get sick because of the cold that I was almost roasting, the thermostat was set so high. So, I was lying on the couch, my feet propped on Jacob's lap while his were propped on the coffee table. Normally, I would have asked him to put his feet down. Today, however, I didn't feel like getting manic over small details like that. Especially not when he was kind of massaging my ankles. And God knows how wonderful it felt. He was doing it absent-mindedly, his whole attention being focused on the TV screen.

I wasn't watching the TV. I was reading the book Billy gave me for Christmas. The way the story was narrated was rather original so it didn't surprise me when I looked up to see that I had already been engrossed in the novel for two hours. I didn't mind, though. Reading was an escape. Plus, being married had this advantage. We could stay locked inside the house all day long doing whatever we wanted. We didn't have to report our every move and doings to anybody else. Besides, I didn't really want to go outside. The snow had been great for a couple of days but since this morning, it had begun to melt down. I was pretty sure that, by now, the front yard was just a big puddle of mud.

I refocused on the novel and kept on reading for a few more minutes until I came across a paragraph which made me laugh. Jacob's head snapped in my direction, his eyes questioning what had happened. I had to share this with him even though he didn't really need more encouragement.

"Listen to this. You're going to love it: 'Question. When people call their boy-children names like Jake, how do they know they're going to grow up sexy? Nature or nurture? If someone is called bog-standard name like Brian or Nigel, will they grow up to be bog-standard person? If they are given sexy-hero name like Lance or – as in this case- Jake, do they feel like they have a duty to live up to it?'"

I looked up from the page to see that I'd been right. Jacob was beaming at me, a huge smile on his face as if hearing the excerpt just made his day.

"See? Even your book says that I'm sexy. And it's not something that I can help. I feel so much better, no need to go hit the gym anymore." He wiped his forehead with his hand and sighed with relief, still smiling at me.

"Hold on, big boy. This is just fiction. I'm sure your name doesn't really mean that. Moreover, your real name's Jacob. Not Jake."

"But I'm Jake to you. And you think I'm sexy, right?" Jacob asked, leaning towards me, his look daring me to say the contrary. I could do so; the only thing stopping me being that I would be lying. Jacob _was_ sexy.

"Of course, you are," I responded, as if he needed confirmation. All of this had gotten me curious, though. I wanted to know what his name really meant. Fortunately, we could do this, thanks to my mother buying a book so we could pick names for the baby. We hadn't looked at it yet but I was sure I would find the information I was looking for in it. "Go get the book Renée bought us, Jake. Please."

He was back faster than I would have been capable of and he sat again, already flipping through the pages of the book to find his name.

"So…Jacob…they say that I'm wonderful, amazingly handsome, smarter than most people, very athletic…ouch!" he exclaimed when I kicked his stomach with my foot to make him stop making up things. I doubted that I had hurt him. I may have simply surprised him. He generally couldn't last more than a few hours without acting like an idiot. "All right, all right. But you know that everything I listed is true even if it's not written in there. _They_ say that I'm profoundly attached and devoted to my family, which is true, that I'm pretty stubborn when I want to achieve something that means a lot to me. That's true, too, I guess." I nodded to confirm. When Jacob was committed to something, anything, there was no way he would give up on it. Ever.

"They also say that I have a special relationship with nature. I bet they can't even begin to imagine how perfectly that fits me! This book is genius. And then, I'm…" Jacob suddenly stopped reading, his brow furrowed in perplexity. "Yeah, no. There's nothing more," he said, closing the book with annoyance. I couldn't believe him. He must have read something that didn't please him. I closed my own book after having bookmarked the page and crawled to his side of the couch.

"Give me that book. I want to know the rest. Come on, Jake, please," I insisted when he extended his arm above his head, putting the book out of my reach. "Nobody's perfect, Jake. Everybody had qualities and flaws. Now, please, let me see."

He reluctantly handed the book to me. It upset me to see that he really looked annoyed at what he read. He wasn't acting like a child as he sometimes used to do. Whatever was written under his name's entry, he had clearly not liked it. I snuggled closer to his body, willing to comfort him. We were going through everything together. Even the smallest things.

"It's not so bad," I reassured him after having scanned through the stuff the book said. It may not be really true but it wasn't as awful as I thought it would be.

"But they say that my feeling of superiority actually hides shyness," Jacob whined, pointing at the precise sentence that he didn't like. Jacob was definitely not a shy guy, that was for sure. He had no problem talking to people he didn't know, he was always up for going out somewhere new.

Yet, the book may be right that his feeling of superiority must hide something. I thought it was insecurity, not shyness. Insecurity about the fact that he wasn't doing good enough at work, at home or within the pack. And now that he had even more responsibilities in the pack it meant more pressure and surely a bigger fear that he would screw up and not do the job as he should. _Jacob is Alpha, Jacob is Alpha, Jacob is Alpha_. Those were the three words I kept on reciting in my head to make me used to this idea, to this fact. I still felt a bit uncomfortable with him so involved but I would have never imagined that he would have wanted it so much. If I had known this before, I may have changed my mind like I did a couple of weeks earlier. It would have spared us years of anxiety because Jacob may then have imprinted, or whatever, earlier.

"It's not true. Don't worry, you're not shy," I reassured him once again. I kissed his cheek which made him smile but I could see that he was doing it half-heartedly. Jacob was such a strong man but reading a simple sentence could bring him down. "Hey, I'm sure you didn't even read this part. They also say that you like good food so you need a good cook to live with. I think you just found your perfect match!"

I flashed him a bright smile and this time, he actually responded to it, smiling widely before laughing. He seemed to have forgotten about the part that had annoyed him. I closed the book and rested my head on Jacob's shoulder, just enjoying how great it felt to hear his laughter and then the silence that replaced it. We stayed like this for some time until Jacob took the book from my hands to look at it again.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for _your_ name. It's only fair. So…Isabella…"

"Can't you look for Bella instead?" I asked with a grimace. I didn't like my given name. I couldn't explain why but I preferred Bella better.

"No way, ma'am. You didn't want me to look at what Jake meant. So, as I was saying. Isabella. You're supposed to be reserved and secretive. I guess that's true to an extent, right?" I nodded. "Oh, you're shy, too, and very emotional but for you, it's actually true. I mean, no offence Bells, but I've never seen anyone blush as much as you do when you're in public."

"I wish I could stop it," I replied after a moment of silence during which Jacob eyed me with apprehension. I realized that he had been waiting for me to snap something mean. Actually, I was feeling pretty good today, hormonally speaking.

"I think it's cute. I like it when you blush and I'm with you. I don't know if you've noticed but every time it happens, you look at me right away as if you were looking for help. I like that."

"Of course you do, you big, macho man," I teased him and his only response was to stick his tongue out at me. It was worth a thousand words, though. I loved it when we could have light, unimportant conversations without one of us losing his temper. "Keep on reading, Jake, please."

"Okay. They say that, for you, friendship is sacred and that you aren't interested in anything superficial. You're also someone really studious and…"

"My God! This book is amazing!" I exclaimed, cutting him off. Apart from a few things, everything that we had learned about our names so far was totally true. It was almost scary how a simple name could describe us so well.

"There's one last thing. I quote: 'A familial disagreement could have disastrous effects on Isabella's blooming.' Ah, it's all clear now; why you're attracted to mystical creatures and dangerous stuff. It's your parents' fault!"

"You're so funny, I'm choking with laughter."

"And you like it." Jacob threw me such an innocent look that I had to laugh anyway. I didn't think that I kept on meeting creatures taken from ghost stories because my parents got a divorce when I was so little that I couldn't remember it. I didn't think there would ever be a rational explanation for why I was always crossing paths with vampires and their enemies. But I didn't really like thinking about all of that, thinking about them. It caused all the bad things from the past to resurface. I wanted to leave the past behind to concentrate on the future right now.

"Do you know what we could do? We could look for names for the baby. What do you think?" I needed the distraction. Jacob thought he had been funny when he interpreted the sentence but it only made me feel sick. I hadn't thought of them in months and Jacob's words had the effect of their memories surging suddenly in my mind. All I wanted was to forget everything related to them. I hated that, after all these years, I still wasn't over the disastrous effects that they had had on my life.

"I thought we already had a name," Jacob replied, bringing me back to the present. "Kangaroo's a pretty name. It's original, too." I shot him a dark look but it was soon replaced by a smile. Jacob's jokes were the thing I needed to feel better.

"Be serious, Jake. You don't want your child to suffer all his life because you once saw a documentary on kangaroos and thought it was a funny name for your pregnant wife."

"I know, I know. We need names, you're right."

"Always." Jacob ruffled my hair in response, making me wish I wore it in a ponytail more often. I tried to sit better on the couch because this could take some time and my current half-sitting position was slightly uncomfortable. However, what I really wanted was to lie down again so that's what I did. I rested my head on Jacob's lap, my feet dangling off the couch. I took the book from Jacob's hands to scan through the multiple entries. Looking for names was important but there were so many possibilities and I didn't even have any idea of what names I liked for a child.

"So, what do you have in stock?" Jacob asked, his hand now soothing the hair he had just ruffled. This precise action was definitely more pleasing than what he did before.

"What about…Brandon?" I proposed, opening the book at a random page. "They say that…"

"Eww! If you love me, you won't choose this name," Jacob complained, a disgusted expression on his face. "It's the name of a character in _Beverly Hills_," he explained because it must have been clear that I didn't understand his repulsion. "Rach and Becca used to watch the show every single evening when we were kids. It was my personal version of hell. Don't laugh, it's not funny."

"I'm sorry. It's just that I've never known how it was to have siblings when I was younger and when I hear all that your sisters did that traumatized you, I think I was lucky."

"They were nice…sometimes." Jacob chuckled while flipping through the pages of the book with the hand which wasn't busy untangling the locks of my hair. "This one is nice, Jennifer. It's pretty."

"I don't know. Jennifer is such a common name. I don't say it's not a nice name but there are lots of Jennifers out there. I don't want our kid to have the same name as dozens of other girls. Besides, it's a boy."

Although Jacob rolled his eyes at this, there was no need for me to argue. We would never agree on the baby's sex and even if I ended up being wrong, I wasn't going to mind much. Boy or girl, the only thing that mattered was that the baby was healthy. Nothing else had importance even if my pride would be badly wounded if I was actually expecting a girl. I was bragging too much about the fact that deep down, I was certain that it was a boy.

"What about…Troy? They're supposed to be serious boys, responsible for others especially in the familial context so we won't have to worry when we're old. They're also shy and careless but they apparently have good principles of life. That's good, isn't it?"

"Troy is also very _High School Musical_, you know," Jacob replied after a few seconds and it left me speechless. How could he know about this stuff? He certainly wasn't the type of person I would imagine enjoying that movie.

"How do you know about that?"

"Claire." It made sense, then. Only Quil must be suffering more than Jacob, though. He had to endure these girly things almost every week-end and it was certainly going to be worse in a few years. Yet, I didn't think that Quil really minded. Spending time with Claire was the only thing that he cared about. What they watched on TV wasn't so important to him.

So, Jacob obviously didn't like Troy as a name, either. A few more attempts later, he still didn't like any of the names I suggested. It was as if he always had a good excuse or argument against them. I was beginning to fear that none would suit him. Or he may just be stubborn and could end up picking a name I had mentioned earlier. Knowing Jacob, it was totally something he could do.

"All right. So…Amber, then? It's a cute name for a girl and they say they're curious children who are interested in everything. They also are really talkative and want to have fun before anything else."

"You know, I don't think we should choose a name based on what it means. It's not the most important thing." Jacob was certainly right but after hearing what our names meant and how true it was, I was getting a little superstitious.

"You don't like it, either, do you?" Jacob shook his head, flashing me a brilliant smile while I was craning my neck up to take a good look at his face. This lying position was comfortable except for my neck which didn't really appreciate it.

"Amber's not really black. It won't go with her last name." See? He always had a great excuse. "I'm sorry I'm being so difficult. There's just nothing that stands out to me. But I'm sure we're going to find something great for you, kangaroo," he added, resting his hand on my stomach.

"Since it's so hard for you to like what I propose, why don't _you_ try to find names?"

"I don't need a book for that." Jacob took the book from my hands to throw it over to the coffee table, which it missed, hitting the floor with a loud thud. He didn't even seem to care. "I think Gamma is the perfect name."

"Excuse me?" I asked, a bit shocked. I sat upright to face Jacob and realized that he looked quite serious. What kind of name was that? Was it even a name?

"Yeah, you know, I'm Alpha, the dog's Beta so the baby's Gamma," he explained, pointing at himself, at the dog and at my stomach. I wanted to roll my eyes at his joke, which was rather clever actually, but I burst into laughter instead. I was laughing so hard that my eyes got teary. Jacob pulled me closer to his side to kiss my cheek. "I love it when you laugh like this. It makes you look so…carefree." He brought his lips to mine which made me realize that we hadn't kissed in hours. I missed it. I missed the way his lips perfectly fit with mine, their softness, their warmth, their ability to make me forget everything but them and the man attached to them.

"Jake…" The distraction he was looking for was appealing to me, too. Yet, what we were trying to do before was more important. This child needed a name. "Jake, later. We need to focus on the baby, right now." He growled but detached his lips from my skin nevertheless.

"Okay, okay. I'm being serious. I just don't really have any idea. I've never thought about it before. I don't know…choosing a name simply makes it so real. It's like, if the baby has a real name, not a nickname, he's…he's…I don't know. He's like a real person. And we have to choose a name for him and it's such a big responsibility and it just feels like we'll have lots of even bigger responsibilities towards him later. I…I don't know. I just…"

Oh, I had been waiting for this to happen. I was wondering when all the fears about having a child would finally hit Jacob. He always seemed so ecstatic and confident about the pregnancy but I knew something like this would happen sooner or later. And now, Jacob looked like he was in shock and on the verge of crying. He had reassured me about becoming a mother on several occasions. It was my turn now.

"It's okay, sweetie. It's okay," I said, putting my arms around his neck to draw him to me until his head was resting on my shoulder. "It's okay to be scared. It's normal. But it will be okay; you know that. You have to relax for a few months and then the baby will be here and you'll be doing an awesome job. I'm sure of this. You're going to be the best dad in the whole world."

I couldn't see his face but it felt like he was crying, which was so out of character for him. I knew it wasn't going to last long until he got his feelings in check. He wasn't going to show his weakness twice, not even to me.

"Take a deep breath, Jake. Picking a name doesn't have to be scary. It's supposed to be fun. You get to choose the name that you like the most for someone very special. And then, you'll be so proud of it. You'll see, it's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay."

"It's just that…I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know how to handle a baby and I'm sure I'm going to screw up and…" His voice broke again. I hated to see him like this even if it was just a phase we had to go through. It was surprising how quickly his feelings changed, though. One second he was acting like an idiot, joking like he usually did and a second later he was crying on my shoulder.

"Sshh…It's going to be fine, Jake. Trust me. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do, either, but we'll be fine. We are not the first ones to have a baby and other people seem to handle it so there's no reason it has to be different for us. We're together, Jake, don't forget that."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what happened," he apologized after a few minutes. His voice had stopped trembling and he wasn't crying anymore. He raised his head to look at me with his slightly red eyes. It made me feel like crying, too, but it wouldn't lead us anywhere.

"Don't worry. It's fine," I reassured him again, kissing him on the cheek for comfort. "We don't have to choose names now if you don't want to. We can do it another time."

"No, no. I can do this. It's just a name." Jacob nodded as if to convince himself that he could do it. We spent a few minutes without talking until he took a deep breath and spoke again. "You said you didn't want something common, right? But what about a name which is used a lot but which is like, super elegant and kind of royal? Something like…James. I like James."

My entire body froze at that. If it was a joke, this time it wasn't funny at all. On the contrary, it was very offensive and mean. James reminded me less of a king than of someone who tried to kill me. At this simple thought, I had unconsciously begun rubbing the scar on my wrist. I really felt like crying then although it wasn't for the same reason as before. I looked deeply hurt and Jacob must have noticed it because his face fell. It apparently wasn't a joke; he had no idea what he had just said.

"What? What is it? You don't like it?" Of course not! How could I? How could I like this name knowing all that it represented?

It hurt to see that Jacob wasn't even aware of his mistake despite my doubts that I had actually ever told him that the vampire had a name. It may just have been an honest mistake. It didn't change the fact that hearing this specific name had a weird effect on me. Most of the time, I didn't pay attention to the scar at all. It was part of me; there was nothing I could do about it. But right now, it was as if my wrist was aching or burning. It probably was simply something that I was imagining so I tried not to think too much about it.

"How do you think I got _that_?" I asked Jacob, trying not to sound too angry. I brought my wrist in front of his face and it didn't take him long to understand what was going on.

"Oh…oh! Shit! I mean…I'm sorry, Bells. I'm such a jerk. I don't think before talking. I'm sorry."

"Yeah. It just surprised me to hear you suggesting it, that's all. And it's nothing against you, Jake, but I don't really like this name."

"Of course you don't. Geez, I'm sorry. I ruined everything." He sounded quite sorry plus his face showed that he was a bit mad at himself. We couldn't avoid talking about vampires because it was too big a part of Jacob's life so we didn't have a choice. Yet, he was doing all he could not to refer to the ones who had been so close and special to me because he knew how it made me feel. I wished I could have stopped feeling bad every time I thought about them. It had been almost ten years and to continue to react like this wasn't a normal behavior. On the other hand, the relationship I had with these vampires hadn't been what you could call normal. I'd had to admit they would never completely leave my mind and at the same time, Jacob did a great job not mentioning them. I already told him everything he needed to know a long time ago anyway.

He already had to avoid referring to seven vampires, I couldn't expect him to remember another one. I wasn't very angry at him but his mistake didn't make me want to look for names anymore.

"Maybe we should take a break," I said softly, standing up from the couch to go get the book which was still on the floor. Jacob agreed, opening his arms for me to snuggle into. He clearly wanted to comfort me and I wasn't going to deny that I needed it.

"I'm sorry, Bells. Really. I…"

"It's okay, Jake. Don't worry about it," I cut him off so he would stop apologizing. It was just a name. It was my fault if everything turned into a drama because of a simple name.

"I can't help worrying when something bothers you." Oh, that was too sweet! And also extremely true. Jacob had a sort of radar when it came to me. He could know if I was feeling sad or bad only by looking at me. Sometimes, he only had to be in the same room as me to sense it. It was like a super power.

I didn't say anything; I knew I didn't have to. I snuggled closer to Jacob's side to rest my head on his shoulder. Jacob put his arm around my waist like he usually did and his hand landed on my stomach. It was as if he felt pulled to the baby. If he could see himself as I was able to, he would realize that there was no need for him to think that he would be a bad father. He acted like a good one and the baby wasn't even born yet.

We ended up watching TV together. It was the same program Jacob was watching earlier, something that I knew nothing about. I didn't understand what was happening on the screen except that some people seemed to have special abilities and two sort of cops were trying to figure out everything. I couldn't concentrate on it because every time I heard one of the characters being called by his name, my brain considered it as a potential name for the baby. In the end, it was a good idea. One name really caught my attention. I would never have thought of it by myself but I loved it.

"Hey, Jake. What do you think of Shawn for a boy?" I asked suddenly, startling Jacob. The more I thought about it, the more I loved the name. It was perfect.

"Shawn? Like this guy?" he asked, pointing at the TV screen. I nodded and he must have seen that it wasn't a random suggestion. I was pretty serious about it. He looked like he was also considering it seriously.

"Shawn…I would have never thought of it. It's nice. I like it."

"You do?" If there was a thing I had to stop doing, it was acting like a child and getting excited for little things. I usually didn't behave this way but now, I couldn't help smiling widely at Jacob's appreciation of the name.

"Yes, yes, I do. Calm down. I guess you like it, too, don't you?" I nodded again, with more vigor. I hadn't heard the name for more than ten minutes yet it was absolutely perfect. "What do you think, baby? Do you want to be a Shawn?" Jacob asked, lowering his head to my stomach to press his ear to it. I felt the baby kick once.

"She says she's a girl so she needs a girl name but she likes Shawn for a boy. I believe we have a winner. Are you feeling better, now?"

"Oh yes! I mean, I love this name. I love it!" I couldn't help smiling. We had found a name for the baby, I couldn't believe it. Well, we still had to find another one in case the baby was a girl but I had the feeling it wouldn't be so difficult. For the past hour, every single name we proposed, either Jacob or I didn't like them. I'd feared we wouldn't be able to agree. I was wrong. We had just been waiting for the perfect name.

"I think we deserve a snack after such an effort," I stated, standing up with the intention to go to the kitchen. Jacob was thinking differently and he forced me to sit down again.

"I'll go get us something to eat. You stay here and act like a princess."

A kiss later, he was out of the living room so I finally had the couch all for myself to lie down. I took Jacob at his word, stretching from head to toe, putting a cushion under my head to act as a pillow. I felt strangely relaxed to have found a name for the baby. I hadn't known I was so stressed about it especially since we still had plenty of time ahead of us. But the relaxing feeling was more than welcomed.

…..

I woke up with a start, not immediately remembering where I was. I didn't even remember falling asleep. My vision was still a blur, my eyes not really open to the real world. It took me a whole minute to recall that I was lying on the couch where I had closed my eyes just for a few seconds…almost two hours ago! That was quite a nap! Maybe the clock was wrong. It was strange to have fallen asleep so easily when I wasn't tired in the first place. But again, I needed some sleep, no matter what. I was feeling invigorated and hot, which was due to the fact that a quilt was spread on top of me. Jacob had surely been afraid that I would get cold by not moving for so long or by not being in direct contact with him.

I knew by experience that sitting up too fast made me dizzy so I did it slowly and carefully, clutching the quilt and looking for Jacob. I couldn't see him anywhere in front of me and his voice startled me a little when it came from behind me. I turned around to realize that he was sitting in the armchair.

"Hello, sleepy head. How was your nap?"

"Good, I guess. What happened?" I asked, stretching my arms above my head while yawning at the same time. Every time I yawned my eyes got teary so I rubbed them quickly.

"I was going to ask you the same thing. It took me like, five minutes to make the sandwiches and when I came back, well…you were sleeping. I think you needed some rest."

"Oh, yeah. It's quite tiring for my brain to come up with awesome baby names."

"I bet it is. Are you still hungry? I'll go get your sandwich." He was already standing up but I couldn't eat right after waking up. It was one of the weird things about me and it partly explained why I almost never had breakfast on weekdays. I couldn't wait a couple of hours before going to work. Instead, I had a snack during the morning. Jacob didn't like it but I wasn't going to make myself sick to please him.

"No, I'm fine. What are you doing?" I was the one who stood up this time. I went over to his side, wrapping the quilt around my shoulders. Jacob was looking at some kind of album, an album which turned out to be a photo album. I sat on the chair's armrest, taking a closer look at the pictures.

"You miss her, don't you?" I asked, staring at the picture of Jacob's mother smiling widely at the camera while hugging a little Jacob tightly. They had the same eyes. Jacobs sighed, tearing his eyes from the page.

"Sometimes it's just harder than others. But when you're here, it's okay. I don't feel as hollow as when I was younger. The first years, it was awful, you know. It wasn't fair that everybody else got to have a mom to take them to school and I didn't. I knew she was…it didn't mean it was easy to accept. Now, it's just like an ache in my heart when a little thing reminds me of her." I didn't know how it was to not have my mother anymore but I could understand how hard it must be only because I wished mine lived closer.

"You know it's funny but I actually stopped feeling sad all the time when we first started hanging together. You were like my healer or something." Jacob smiled softly, looking like he wasn't here with me but somewhere in the past, in a place full of rain, of days spent in a garage, trying to teach me how to change a tire or how to replace a light bulb without falling down the stepladder. It brought a smile to my face, too.

I bent down to kiss him and, thus, bring him back to the present. I almost lost my balance, which wasn't very surprising considering where I was precariously sitting. Jacob noticed but refrained from looking scared by it although I knew he was. He motioned for me to sit on his lap and I did so gladly.

"You look so much like her. Same eyes, same hair."

"Yeah. Weird, huh? I almost got the same name, too. Well, it was her middle name but it would have been mine if I had been a girl. Billy told us that when we were kids and I remember the twins making fun of me by calling me like that." Once again, he looked lost in his memories. I had never heard this story before, though. I wanted to know the rest.

"Like what? What's the name?"

"Elizabeth. They called me Lizzy but it was kind of mean anyway. Mom forced them to stop the day I ended up crying in a tree and I didn't want to climb down."

"Yes, I'm definitely thankful I was an only child," I said, running my hand through Jacob's hair to comfort him. His sisters were real torturers. "I like the name, by the way," I added to change the subject. I should have thought of it myself. It was a bit old-fashioned even though it didn't change the fact that it was nice. "It's actually the name of one of my favorite…"

"Characters? It's a girl in one of these novels, right? Sense and something."

"_Pride and Prejudice,_ yes," I corrected, amazed and at the same time happy that he finished my sentence. Plus, he was close enough in his guess. "But it's the same author."

"I like the name, too. It will be like a piece of Mom. Like she'll be there even if it's not really the case. So…Elizabeth it is?" he asked, pressing his hand to my stomach, his eyes sparkling. I knew it was going to be easier to find a second name for the baby.

"Elizabeth it is. Besides, it's also sort of royal so it's like what you were looking for earlier. Too bad it's a Shawn in there." Jacob pouted at this, an expression I had to laugh at. I rested my head on his shoulder while shifting my weight to his other leg. "I don't really mind whether it's a boy or girl," I said after a moment of silence. "The only thing I want is to make it through safely because you can't really say that I've had the best pregnancy so far."

I shuddered involuntarily at the thought of my fall a month before and the fear that I could have lost the baby. If it had been the case, we would have missed conversations like this one, we wouldn't need the things we bought, the things we were going to buy. I wouldn't need to wear the clothes I was wearing. We wouldn't have needed to paint these walls. We would have missed all these things. It would have been a nightmare.

"It was just an accident, Bells. You're okay now. There's no need to worry," Jacob reassured me and I had the feeling he was also reassuring himself at the same time. He was drawing circles on my stomach which made me snuggle closer to him. I didn't want this moment to end. "You'll do great and then we'll be one big happy family."

"Three people hardly make it big, Jake," I replied with a laugh.

"Sure, sure. But this one's a Lizzy so we'll need to make another one to have a Shawn. Because, listen to me, kangaroo. You are a girl. You are a girl." He stopped looking at me to concentrate on my stomach, moving his hand in front of it as if he was trying to hypnotize the baby.

He really couldn't stay serious for more than a few hours. Yet, I was glad he acted like this. Life with a serious Jacob would be boring. It would suck, too. This one was much better. Funny was better. Funny was easier.

* * *

I hope you enjoyed!

(1) The book Bella's reading is _This Charming Man_ by Marian Keyes. She's Irish and the book is really, really good. It's told from fours different points of view. It's the story of four women who were all involved at one point in time with a man. Everybody thinks he's charming but is he really?

-The Brandon story? It really happened to one of my friends although it was her cousins who forced her to watch Beverly Hills, not her sisters. When she told me how much she suffered, I found it too hilarious that I had to include it in the chapter.

(2) The TV show that Bella and Jacob are watching is called _The 4400_. I used to watch it every Saturday evening and that's exactly how I came to love the name Shawn.

-Before you say it, yes, I know Shawn can be a girl name, too. Shawn and Elizabeth are just the names I would love to give to my children. Since it very unlikely that the guy I'll have kids with will like them, I thought I'd give them to the Kangaroo. This way, at least one of my babies will get the name that I really want!

-Everything that was said about the names in this chapter is true. I found everything on a French website, though, and there wasn't any English translation. I translated everything myself.

-Jacob and Bella don't agree on the baby's sex so that would YOU prefer? Would you like the Kangaroo to be a boy or a girl? I want to know what you think!

-I wrote a fic as a contribution to **Fics for Nashville**. It's a Post Eclipse one-shot that I will probably not post online before a long time. If you want to read it, along with pretty other awesome stories, you just have to donate at least $5 for Nashville relief: .

**Chapter 26: Are These Intructions Even Written In English?**

**I hated this Seth who didn't seem to be comfortable with me. It had never been like this between us and I absolutely didn't want things to change.**

I am so awesome that I'm on Twitter: **mellyb6.**


	28. Chapter 26

Well, people, you don't know it yet but you almost didn't get this chapter or any other at all. To make it short, I got a really bad grade, almost didn't graduate (although I'm not so sure I can graduate now either) and didn't have the strength or even the energy to keep on writing. But this should be over now so here's the new chapter!

A big thanks to my wonderful beta, **faite-comme-moi** because honestly, she cracks me up with her comments sometimes and she's a pro at explaining weird grammar rules to the clueless French girl that I am.

Disclaimer: I own nothing expect for Bella's gift because it's mine. Yes, yes it is. You'll see in the End Notes :)

* * *

**Chapter 26 Are These Instructions Even Written In English?**

_Bella's POV_

_Monday, 29__th__ December._

I wiped my hands on my shirt in the desperate attempt to clean them. The paint on my fingers was already drying so there was no way I was going to clean them without water and soap. Paint was a pain to get rid of. I didn't know how I managed to do it but more ended up on my clothes and hands than on the walls, where it was originally intended to go. Yet, I quite enjoyed painting. Jacob had gotten some days off at work, much to my delight. We could spend all day together, doing nothing. Since we had time, though, we decided to start getting the nursery ready. I was very excited about finally being able to create a room for the baby. It made everything so much more real and, strangely, I wasn't worrying about it.

First, we had painted the walls. I'd wanted to help Jacob because it would have been done faster if it was the two of us painting. I'd been able to help for about half an hour before tripping miserably on a can full of paint, spilling it all over the, fortunately, protected floor. After that, I'd been relegated to sitting in a chair, holding the brushes and making conversation with Jacob while he was the one covering the white walls with green. It hadn't been as boring as I thought it would be. Just being with Jacob was enough to entertain me. He was so focused and serious about the task at hand that it was rather funny to watch.

But after the four walls were painted, I'd been authorized to paint the large jungle drawing we had chosen as a decoration. The condition was that I had to be careful and that I couldn't waste any more of the paint. The only paint I wasted was the part that ended up on me. Jacob said that much was okay because he knew he couldn't expect me to completely stop being clumsy. So, yes; I was painting an elephant when we heard the doorbell. If there was one afternoon we didn't need to be disturbed, it was that one. I guess we couldn't even ask for that.

I gave up trying to get rid of the paint, seeing that it was hopeless. I hoped that whoever was at the door wasn't going to stay too long. I wasn't dressed to have company. I hurried to the door even if I couldn't walk very fast. Jacob was apparently very fond of animalistic analogies because he thought that my walk reminded him of a penguin. I couldn't be mad at him for this given that it was true.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I muttered towards the closed door when our visitor rang again. I opened the door, slightly annoyed at the impatience displayed. My emotions changed and a smile stretched on my face when I found out Seth was standing in front of me. He looked tired, which wasn't a surprise considering that his life had been pretty erratic lately. I hadn't seen him since my scene at Angela's. We only talked on the phone once or twice since, mainly so I could apologize and he could be sure that I wasn't mad at him. Then, Christmas craziness prevented us from seeing each other properly. I missed him terribly and probably more than I should.

"Hi!" I exclaimed, hugging him closely. We remained like this for a while until I realized that the door was still wide open, letting the cold air into the house. "Come inside. I haven't seen you in ages! Are you avoiding me?" It was a simple joke but a small part of me feared that he was doing exactly this because my reactions were sometimes too explosive.

"I know. I'm sorry. I don't know what's going on but I barely have time to just sit down, relax and do nothing. I heard you wanted to see me at Christmas, though, so I thought I would come by to see how you were doing."

"You don't have to apologize, Seth. It's okay. I guess you're not a kid anymore and people are finally giving you responsibilities." He stuck his tongue out at me for good measure although I really thought that he was working much more than his colleagues. It was certainly my imagination, but still. Charlie didn't want him to have privileges because they belonged to the same family and Seth was grateful for this. It didn't mean Seth had to work more than the others. "Besides, now you have a girlfriend to focus on." I wanted to show him that I was more than fine with him having imprinted on Angela. This time, however, Seth avoided my look, scratching the back of his head and eyeing my hands.

"Are you busy? I can come back later if you want." He was fidgeting in his spot, unsure of what to do. I hated this. I hated this Seth who didn't seem to be comfortable with me. It had never been like this between us and I absolutely didn't want things to change.

"No! It's fine. Really. I'm just painting something in the nursery. It can wait." It wasn't what I said five minutes before, yet, I always had free time for Seth.

"Are you alone?"

"No. Jacob's struggling in there, too," I indicated, pointing behind me. The image of Jacob trying to figure out how to assemble the crib popped into my head. His face, annoyed and confused at the same time, was very funny and cute. I would have never thought that it would be so hard for him to get all the pieces together to form the baby's bed.

"Hi, Jacob!" Seth shouted, bringing my attention to the hallway again. We heard Jacob shout a "Hi, Seth!" back. I truly hoped that now that everything was cleared between the three of us, they would stop hating each other. Jacob had admitted that even though he was jealous of the fact that I confided more easily in Seth than him, he'd missed the friendship they shared when they were teenagers. I was trying with all my heart to talk a lot more to Jacob than I was used to and I came to realize that I had actually missed that.

Seth and I went to sit in the kitchen, the dog trailing behind us in her usual excitement whenever Seth, or any other member of the pack for that matter, was inside the house. I got a mug to pour some coffee for Seth. It was clear that he needed it. I, on the contrary, didn't need some, according to the doctor. I had a list of all the things I wasn't allowed to eat or drink and it was getting on my nerves. Before getting pregnant, I basically lived for my daily coffee which was now not available. As long as I could still drink Coke, I wasn't going to rebel.

"Merry Christmas," Seth said when I turned around to give him his coffee. He pushed a small package towards me. It reminded me that I had to go get his present. I rapidly went to the bedroom and was back as quickly as it was possible for me. Yet, it wasn't fast enough for Seth to still have coffee left in his cup. He definitely needed the caffeine.

We had our own tradition when it came to Christmas presents. We only bought one gift and its price shouldn't exceed ten dollars. Because Seth was a gentleman, he always insisted that I opened mine first even though he was younger. In my mind, the youngest had to open his presents before everybody else.

"Thank you, Seth! It's beautiful," I thanked him when I opened the small box to reveal a bracelet. There were some pearl-like charms and some heart-shaped ones. A few even looked like disco-balls. I really liked it. It was different from what I usually got, though. Seth always bought me stupid stuff that made us laugh, most of them found in novelty stores. I had the feeling that the bracelet meant that he wanted to make up for something even if I couldn't see what. It wasn't his fault if he imprinted. I had been the one acting crazy, not him.

"I saw it in the store and it reminded me of all the other bracelets that you have which are almost like this one. I thought you'd like it."

"I do, thank you. Open yours, now." I pushed the present in his direction. He ripped the paper off in true Seth fashion until his whole face broke into a grin. _I_ went for our usual stupid stuff theme and bought him a funny little book which was supposed to help him become "the prefect boyfriend". The last thing I wanted was for Seth to scare Angela as much as Embry had scared Beth. In Seth's case, it would suck more because they both lived in the same _small_ town. So I added my own chapter written on a piece of paper. It was entitled _Further Advice for Imprinted Wolves_. Basically, it was a list of all the things that Embry did that he shouldn't have done.

"Don't worry, Bella," Seth reassured me when he was done reading my list. "I'm not an idiot. Angela still doesn't know about the wolves and I have no intention of changing that anytime soon." I couldn't help but notice the way he said her name, as if it was something sacred that had to be pronounced in a reverential tone. He looked at the book once again before focusing on the dog which was claiming his attention.

Wait. What? I wasn't going to get a kiss or at least a hug? What was wrong with him? It felt as if he wasn't happy to be here with me. His entire attitude was awkward. He couldn't still be mad at me, right? I had already apologized and he said it was all right. So why was he distant with me? I didn't like that. I knew I had been wrong at Angela's apartment, that I shouldn't have reacted towards her the way I did but I'd done my part when I said I was sorry. It looked like I had to do it again.

"Listen, Seth," I started, extending my hand to grab his. "I'm really sorry for the way I reacted at Angela's. It wasn't the best moment for me to witness what happened but that wasn't a reason to act like I did. I'm really, really sorry."

"You don't have to apologize again, Bella. It's okay."

"No, it's not okay! Look how you're acting. You barely hugged me back earlier and I don't know if you noticed but you didn't thank me for the book. What is wrong with you?" I didn't mean to sound so angry. I simply wanted to understand what was going on. It hurt to see that I was practically rejected by him.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I…just…I don't know. It feels like the only thing I can concentrate on is Angela. She's always on my mind and it's so new. I remember that it was the same for the other guys, too, when they first imprinted. It's gonna pass and I'll be able to focus again but right now, it's just too hard."

I was feeling even more sorry for him. It wasn't Seth's fault; it wasn't something he had any control over. I didn't know how it felt even though some years ago, when Jacob and I got back together, it was difficult for me to get my boyfriend out of my mind. He was in my head all the time, especially at the most inappropriate moments. I squeezed Seth's hand in the attempt to comfort him but when he looked up at me, his face was conflicted.

"It feels like I don't need anybody else in my life. As if she has replaced everything and everybody else and I know I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life without seeing my friends anymore. Without seeing anyone else actually." Well, that hurt. He had no control over the effects of his imprinting yet his words broke my heart a bit. Seth was my best friend and I didn't want to lose him. I tried to mask my emotions but apparently failed in doing so.

"It's harder with you, Bella. I don't want to lose you, I really don't. And at the same time, you can't even begin to imagine how difficult it is for me to not shrug away from your touch. It's like my body's screaming at me not to touch another woman." He looked so pained that it made me want to hug him. I restrained doing so, though, given what he had just said. "I won't let that happen, you know. I'll do whatever it takes but I'll keep you in my life. Maybe not as much as before but you'll be still be one of my special women."

He smiled weakly, making me hate myself for causing him to suffer like this although it wasn't quite my fault. Of course, I didn't want to lose our relationship, either. Yet, I'd always known that Seth wouldn't stay single all his life. He was way too handsome and sweet for that. Even if he hadn't imprinted, one day he would have found a girlfriend; not one of his one-night stands but a real one. One he would have stayed with for a long time. A girl who would have monopolized all his attention anyway. Angela was simply doing so more radically, without being aware of it. At least, with her, I knew that Seth wouldn't have his heart broken. And when you came to think about it, the idea of the two of them together was pretty nice.

"I'm sorry it's hard for you, Seth. And don't tell me I don't have to apologize," I added quickly when I saw him open his mouth. "I wish I could make it easier for you." I realized I could help a little by withdrawing my hand from his. The second our skins stopped being in contact, his face relaxed so much that I had to hide mine so he wouldn't see the hurt in my eyes. I got up and turned around to the kitchen counter to refill his cup of coffee. When I was certain that my face was composed, I sat down on my chair.

"So, Seth. Tell me about your wonderful girlfriend." He could only focus on Angela; I was going with the flow, then. Besides, I couldn't deny that I was happy for him to finally have a girlfriend. The fact that she was my friend was a bonus. His face lit up at the mention of her name.

"She's amazing, Bella. Really. I mean, we've only been on a few dates but she's very interesting to be with. She's so committed to everything that she's doing and she's also pretty interested in me. She wants to know all sorts of stuff about the tribe, about our history. She's curious about insignificant things. I like her a lot."

It wasn't as if he had a choice, anyway, I thought. Even if Angela wasn't all that he'd just described, he would have liked her no matter what. Still, it was nice that she was interested in the tribe. We lacked people like her. Well, I say "we" but "they" would be more appropriate. I wasn't able to speak Quileute correctly and I didn't quite consider myself part of the tribe for a million reasons. Being Jacob's wife didn't change that at all.

"Do you think she'll get mad when she finds out about the imprint?" I managed to ask the dreaded question when Seth stopped praising Angela for more than ten seconds. "Because let's face it. You're only with her because you imprinted on her."

"I might have been with her without having imprinted on her. She's a very nice girl," he replied on a defensive tone.

"Sure, sure. But that's not what happened. You're with her thanks to some mystical bond and against your free will. It's like you're with her because you don't have a choice." Although I was aware that I was being harsh, I was speaking the truth. If it was me in Angela's shoes, I wouldn't like the fact that my boyfriend was seeing me because he was "obliged" to.

"I hope she won't get mad. It would suck big time if she was. But you know, I don't plan on saying anything about the wolves right away. I wanna wait for us to have a sort of stable relationship. Maybe in one or two months. By then, I hope she'll see how much I care about her. I don't think you really got more than the basics of imprinting but it's true that right now, I just feel the need to be close to her all the time. Thanks to the guys, I also know that even if it was exactly the same for them at the start, they began to feel love for the girls after some time. Not immediately after; but it came in the end. And it'll come for me, too. I just have to be patient. If she sees that I truly love her, I hope she won't hate me."

He was right; nobody had ever completely explained to me how imprinting weirdly functioned. Not that I'd wanted to know. The guys had been forced into their relationships with their wives or girls, since Quil was just a babysitter for the moment and his case was way too strange and was giving them headaches. Yet, the way they looked at their imprints, the way they acted around them, everything they did showed how much they loved them. Deeply and completely, without restriction. I'd have to ask how it was for Jacob because it had to be different for him. He always said he was already in love with me, a tiny bit at least, before he first phased.

In Seth's case, I was hoping that Angela wouldn't get mad. I'd accepted the wolves and everything related to them rather easily, even though my case wasn't a good example. I'd known about vampires before knowing about werewolves. If I came to learn that elves existed outside of Tolkien's novels, I wouldn't be surprised. However, I had no idea how Angela would react and if she would simply not believe Seth or throw him out for making fun of her. On the other hand, he imprinting on her meant that she didn't have to be afraid of the future anymore. She had this strong guy who was going to stick with her like a puppy. In a way, she was the one in charge.

It was the thing I'd always hated when imprinting was still an issue for Jacob and me. I hated the fact that our relationship could slip out of my grip and get ruined by another girl. I hated not being in complete charge of it. Yet, I'd always felt like this even when Jacob wasn't concerned. According to a friend back in college who had gotten the censored version of my love life, it was due to the disastrous way my only relationship in high school ended. Being ditched overnight without a really good explanation didn't help my self-confidence, that was for sure.

It had been stronger with Jacob but I came to hate the fact that guys could break up with me without so much as a warning. I guess that's why I was always the one ending things in my past relationships.

"And she said she had a motorcycle in Chicago! She knows how to ride and she wants us to go somewhere together! Isn't that awesome?" Seth's enthusiastic voice brought me out of my thoughts. It made me smile. It looked like everybody in this family had a thing for motorcycles. Wow. Angela was going to be part of my family one day. But we weren't there yet.

"I'm going to call her to apologize," I decided, actually ashamed that I'd been pretty preoccupied with saying how sorry I was to Seth but not to Angela. She hadn't deserved my coldness or the mean things I thought about her. "She must think that I'm crazy. I'll try to blame the hormones or something. I can't tell her the truth. That's your job."

"Thanks, Bella. She was wondering whether to call you or not. She's afraid you're mad at her because we're dating."

"I'm not. I want you to understand this, Seth. I do _not_ dislike the fact that you're involved together. I'll call her during the week. I promise. Oh, it's going to be great! I'll get to know all she thinks about you!" The idea that she may not like him as much as he needed to be with her must have flashed through his mind. For a split second, he looked worried that she could give me negative comments. I doubted it, though. Seth was pretty much like Jacob. Once you got to know them, you couldn't not like them. They radiated this happiness and warmth that made you at ease instantly.

"Will you tell me if she doesn't like something? Then, I'll change it." He wasn't serious, was he? He wouldn't change simply because things weren't to her liking, if it was even the case. Geez, an imprinted brother wasn't going to be fun all the time.

"No, I won't tell you. If she really can't stand something, she'll tell you herself. Do you want more coffee?" I asked so he wouldn't have time to argue with me.

"No, thanks; I should probably get going. You're busy and I've already kept you away from your work for too long. You need to finish the room for your little wolf." He had a smile on his face when he said that but I didn't like it.

"He won't be a wolf." I wouldn't allow it. All the guys had come to terms with what they were although I knew it was because they didn't have a choice. They may like it now but if they could have not phased when they were younger, they would have been more than pleased. I didn't want the baby to have this life. I wanted him to have a normal life, without monsters. If a vampire came into the area and threatened the normalcy of the baby's life, I would kill it myself. Or get Jacob to do it.

"Yeah, sorry. He won't. I know you don't want that. It was just a joke. I'm tired."

"You look like you could use some sleep. Maybe you should go home and rest." _Okay, Bella. Stop acting like a worried mom. You're not his mother_. Still, he looked tired and should go to sleep.

"Yes, I'll do that for a couple of hours. But after; I'm seeing Angela. I've got all these shitty shifts for Christmas because I'm the new guy and today's my only day off." Would it be inappropriate to go ask Charlie if he could give Seth less hours at work? _Yes, it would be. Stop being his mom!_

"Well, dating a policeman surely has some disadvantages but there're some good advantages, too. She won't have to pay the fines when she gets caught for speeding." It was supposed to be only a joke but he took it pretty seriously. He looked at me with worried eyes once again and was probably trying to figure out how to steal her car so she wouldn't have an accident.

"Relax, Seth. It's a joke. I'm sure Angela's a very careful driver." It didn't ease the worry in his eyes. He looked deep in thought and suddenly very eager to leave the house. He got up from his chair so I followed his lead. I wasn't expecting any physical contact after what he had confessed earlier and it surprised me when, in the hallway, he turned around to hug me quickly. It didn't last for very long but it was better than nothing. He basically pulled me toward him for one second before stepping away.

"Thanks for the bracelet. And tell Angela I say hi." I didn't really know why but his quick hug had made me so happy all of a sudden. It felt like, even if it was going to be different, I would still have a relationship with Seth. I liked that a lot.

"I will. Bye, Bella."

_Jacob's POV_

I knew Bella wouldn't like me finishing her work because she'd been pretty clear about the fact that it was her job to paint the animals on the wall. As long as she didn't cause another catastrophe like a few days ago, I was okay with it. It was nice to see how excited she was about getting the nursery ready. _I _was relieved that Bella got pregnant right when we moved in so I didn't have time to start on the guest room. It would have taken longer for me to change everything in the room to work on the nursery if it had been the case. We had always thought that the spare room would be a guest room for quite a long time before being a nursery. We truly didn't think a baby would arrive so fast. I had hoped to enjoy being married to Bella and to get her all for myself for a few months, if not years. Now, I couldn't imagine my life any other way.

I was excited about the baby, too, and I still couldn't believe how miserably I broke down a few days ago because of a simple name. I mean, no one cries for a name. Just me. Fortunately, Bella was the only one to witness my tears. She didn't mind; she said that it was all right to be scared sometimes. But that was the thing; I didn't feel scared at all. I wasn't when we were picking names and, all of a sudden, I had been crying on her shoulder. The feeling was gone as fast it had arrived that day. It was weird so I hoped it wasn't going to happen again.

Getting the nursery ready was nice. I was in charge of pretty much everything since Bella couldn't work on her painting for more than fifteen minutes straight. She always had to go to the bathroom, or she was hungry, or thirsty, or tired and she needed to sit down. She was cute. If it wasn't for me, the walls would still be sadly white, there wouldn't be a ceiling light installed and the crib…

Actually, it was better not to get me started on the crib. Why hadn't this thing been delivered in one single piece? It was so damn frustrating trying to get all the tiny bits all together to form something that looked like the one on the picture. I wasn't used to following instructions while building stuff. I'd learned how to repair cars with my father. I never really went to school to learn my job. It was kind of natural for me. So, why? Why wasn't I able to figure out this freaking crib? There were way too many pieces with obscure names such as D1 and C7 or whatever. First of all, how was I supposed to recognize the real pieces that I had in my hands from the drawings in the instructions? They didn't look alike at all. If I couldn't recognize them, there was no way I could make A4 fit with XB6 since I didn't even know what the hell XB6 was! It was frustrating.

Bella made fun of me for not being able to get everything right when I could dive under a car and find out what was wrong with it in less than five minutes. I was getting really annoyed with it. I didn't like the fact that four pieces of wood were being stubborn and standing on my way. I wanted the baby to have a nice bed, one where she would be safe to sleep. I certainly didn't want to build the crib the wrong way to end up hurting the baby. Maybe if I tried to relax it would be better? Or maybe I was holding the instructions upside down? Nope. I tried both solutions but they didn't work. After two hours, the crib was still one hopeless heap of wood with some parts standing together thanks to a miracle.

So, when I heard that our visitor was Seth, I knew that Bella was going to stay with him for quite a long time. I took the opportunity to leave this crazy crib alone to do something I could do easily. I grabbed Bella's paint brush to finish the elephant she had been painting. We had been very well inspired when we picked the theme for the nursery. It was colorful and as the lady at the store pointed out, it was educational, too. Of course, our first priority was to choose one that could work either for a boy or a girl. It was harder than I'd thought but I liked our jungle theme. Too bad wolves didn't fit in it. When I was done with the elephant, I moved to the rhinoceros since it needed almost the same paint. I liked painting; it was relaxing.

I don't know how long Seth was here but I was a bit disappointed when I heard him leave. Bella was going to get her task back and I'd have to face this dreadful crib once again. I couldn't ask her to switch activities given that with her luck, she would manage to get hurt with the most insignificant thing. Better, I needed to sit down on the floor to build it and Bella was starting to have difficulties sitting on something that was lower than a chair. Yeah, it looked like I was going to be stuck with the crib. But I could do it. Of course I could do it. No crib would win against me.

"No, no! Don't go in there! Go back to the living room!" For one second, I wondered why Bella was asking me to not enter a room which I was already in. Then, I realized that she was talking to the dog. Watching or only hearing Bella interact with her dog was one of the funniest things ever. She acted either like a child or like a pissed mother. Sometimes, when she thought that I couldn't hear, she talked to the dog as if it was a real human being who could answer back. It was hilarious.

"All right. You can have the cookie. Happy now? Now, go back over there. Go on!" I heard a weak whimper and turned around just to see Bella closing the door behind her to prevent Beta from following her. She had a packet of cookies in her hands. Time for a snack? I was always up for a snack. She shoved one in her mouth before smiling widely at me.

"How was Seth?" I asked after I'd swallowed the cookie she gave me. She didn't look like she usually did after she just saw her "brother". I could clearly tell that something was off. It may only be me but I was able to read Bella's emotions directly from her face. It was easy to discern when she was happy, annoyed, preoccupied or when she was trying to hide things.

"Imprinted," she replied with a grimace. I was actually conflicted about Seth having imprinted. In a sense, I knew it meant that he wouldn't be spending as much time with Bella as he used to. It was my chance to get her to realize that I was more important. I was her husband, dammit. There were times when I wished that she could understand all the implications behind this statement. I wasn't her boyfriend anymore. We lived together, we spent our days together, we were starting our own family. I would always stick with her. Seth was nice but Bella needed to reconsider her priorities. And on the other hand, it was making Bella sad to see Seth drifting away from her. I didn't like to see her sad. It made me sad, too.

"Oh, yeah. The others were a pain at the start, too." I hugged her closely and I felt her arms sneak around my waist to squeeze hard. At least I think she was squeezing hard. I couldn't tell the difference. What I could feel was her intention, her need for closeness. I was only too happy to give it to her. I hugged her closer, careful not to hurt her and I breathed in deeply to refill in her scent. It was better than any designer fragrance. It was Bella.

"I'm here if you want to talk about it, Bells," I whispered in her hair. I felt her nod but she didn't say anything. I pulled away slightly to see her face and I bent down to kiss her. When she opened her eyes, she looked a bit better. "Come on. Get back to your painting and forget about him for the moment." She nodded again before grabbing her brush back. It hurt to see how much it affected her to lose the relationship she had with Seth. There was no easy way for them to get through this transition. I also didn't understand why she wouldn't talk about it with me. Surely, it wasn't good for her to keep everything inside. She turned on the radio as soon as we stopped hugging so it was clear that she wasn't in the mood for a conversation at all. Too bad I felt otherwise. She may just need a push and _that_, I could provide.

"This crib is frustrating, you know. I tell you, Bells. Once it's done, it's staying this way. We're not putting it down only to have to rebuild it for the others."

"Can I ask you something, Jake?" Bella asked, finally speaking. She didn't respond to my complaint and almost five minutes had passed since then. I was losing patience with the crib and with Bella. If it was possible, I would have tried to shake some sense into her. However, it wasn't. I wouldn't risk it.

"Sure, honey. What is it?"

"I was wondering. Well, I'd never noticed before but…now, you're always implying that we're going to have more than one child. So, I was wondering. Is it because you imprinted?"

No, I was wrong. There was one thing Bella was eager to talk about with me. She desperately wanted to know everything about me imprinting on her so late in our lives. You would have thought that because it had gotten us so worried before, once it had happened she would have stopped over thinking it. She was Bella, though. She needed a rational explanation for something so weird in principle that no rational explanation was available anyway. Yet, this time her question was rather different from the usual ones. I turned around to see that she didn't look worried but more curious.

I really, honestly, didn't see a difference in Bella between before and after my epiphany in the parking lot. She was the same; she was beautiful. When I concentrated very hard and we were in public, a different light would radiate from her but that was all. She still smelled the same sweet way as before and I still felt the pull towards her that I'd always had. It was as if I imprinted on her years ago only to realize it so much later. It didn't make any sense, which was giving the elders and the pack lots of headaches. We actually had another early meeting this morning that could answer some of Bella's questions. I wanted to wait to talk to her about it but since she asked.

"Do you want to know what they said at the meeting?" I asked, standing up and going to her. She nodded vigorously so I took her hand and led us to sit in the chair. It took her a few minutes to get settled on my lap until finally, she was ready to listen. "You know, Bella, I've always wanted to have lots of kids with you. I don't think our life could be complete without our children running all around the house, screaming and getting your recently mopped floor muddy." She smiled before resting her head on my shoulder. One of my arms was securely holding her at the waist, my hand rubbing her stomach. She liked that and it made me feel connected to the baby.

"I don't think I ever told you about Sam's theory, did I?"

"No, you didn't. But that's simply because I didn't want to hear it."

"Yeah, right. So, Sam always thought that an imprint was supposed to be the best woman we could find to carry on the next generation of wolves. Kind of the best suitable partner to procreate. The day he told us that, Leah got so mad that she broke Jared's nose while he was trying to get her to calm down." Wow, I hadn't thought about Leah in ages. Bella looked surprised to hear me say her name, too. I must have looked a bit sad because she kissed my cheek softly, her hand moving up and down my arm.

"She always had a bit of a temper, I remember. And do you think that Sam's theory is valid? I mean, if it was only for that, why would they feel the need to be constantly with the girls? They would only have to focus on them at night and could act like normal people during the day. Not like stupid puppies."

She frowned and she was so cute that I had to kiss the small wrinkles on her forehead away. She was worrying and frowning way too much. Her forehead wasn't as smooth as it used to be. Bella sometimes called me a dog when she was angry with me but she never called me a puppy. Puppy was nicer, I would prefer that.

"Do you think that I'm a puppy, then?"

"Oh, no. Not you. You, I don't know why but you don't act like the guys. It's like your imprinting is different. Yours is better."

"I am better. You didn't know that?" I asked, smiling smugly. She slapped my arm in reproach to make me focus on my explanation again.

"Okay, okay. So, as I was saying. It seems that our little guys down there, they're like, super precious. We don't want to give them to anybody. The elders back up Sam on this and said that the imprint has such a pull on the wolf so he won't be able to consider other potential partners."

"That's why Seth can't touch me anymore, then," Bella whispered, her hand tightening its hold on my arm. It looked like their relationship was changing both emotionally and physically. I didn't mind the second aspect. I'd always been uncomfortable with their closeness.

"But apparently, the pull is so efficient that it makes the girl the center of their world as if to be really sure that they won't go chasing other women. That's why they sometimes need a good kick in the ass to focus on something else. And to answer your stuff about me being different, we think that it's because I'm Alpha and I need to focus on the job more than on some random girl. No offence, Bells." She stuck her tongue out at me but didn't get mad, which was an improvement. She didn't even become nervous or anything when I said without realizing it that, now, I was Alpha. She was making a great deal of effort accepting everything and I was grateful for that.

"So, is Sam's theory the reason why you're always talking about our future kids? Because now that you've found me, you want lots of them?"

"I already told you. I've always felt that way. It's like I imprinted on you years ago, had all the symptoms as far as my rank permitted it but never realized it."

"You're weird, Jake," she joked, kissing my cheek lightly. _That_, I was aware of. I was a werewolf after all. "I still don't understand why you didn't see that you had imprinted before."

"All right. Stay with me on this one because they gave me a headache this morning. They think that it's because of the fact that I was born Alpha. It should always have been me. I told you, it was my destiny. And since you're my imprint, you're my destiny, too. Got it?" She nodded, signifying that she was following the explanation. "I've been ready to be Alpha for years. Again, I'm sorry that I lied to you. I've been ready but you weren't. You fought against everything that was related to the wolves. You fought so hard that even if I had wanted to step up I couldn't have if you didn't want me to. Then, you said that you were okay with me being Alpha, that imprinting was something you would stop worrying about. You gave me my destiny. You're the one who made me aware that you were my imprint. Because you were ready."

I took a much needed lungful of air after my explanation. I hoped I'd gotten everything right. I also hoped that the elder's conclusion on our case was final and that Bella would be satisfied with it. I knew that I was. Bella had always been the one for me and I'd been sure of it from the start.

"It makes me feel so bad," Bella sighed, looking away from me. "It's my fault if we worried so much and almost ruined our lives. I'm so sorry, Jake." That was a true Bella thing to do: apologize for nothing and anything. I forced her to look in my eyes and kissed her softly. She folded her arms around my neck, probably forgetting that she was still holding her paint brush. I didn't want to ruin my tee-shirt entirely so I grabbed her hand behind my head until she let go of the tool.

"You don't need to apologize, silly girl. Everything's fine now. You have nothing to worry about, okay?" She gave me a smile smaller than what I would like to see but she looked a lot better. Her eyes were more lively than before. I was relieved that we'd talked about that. Now, we could go back to concentrate on the future. "Off to your work now, ma'am," I kind of ordered, touching her nose with the brush.

She jerked away from me so fast that she almost fell in the process. Her look was angrier than ever and her whole face turned red except for the grey spot on her nose. Oh, no. She wasn't mad because she got paint on her face, right? It was a joke, just a joke.

"Jake! No! Do you know how long it takes to get rid of paint? I can't believe it! You're so immature!" And she stormed out of the room. Ok…ay? Wow. She was mad because of the paint. She could have some quite strong reactions when she wanted to. I shook my head when I realized I had been gaping at the closed door for several minutes. I hated her pregnancy hormones that made her mood change quicker than I thought it possible. As if she needed the extra help to feel bad.

I knew I didn't have to go after her because it would make the situation worse. Most of the time, I didn't even answer. I just waited for her to feel a bit better. _This_ was the side of her pregnancy that I didn't enjoy. I heard her muttering to herself about me being a child and an idiot until I got tired of it and turned the volume of the radio louder. I guess I had nothing better to do than working on the crib again. I wasn't motivated anymore but I had to do it. I worked for half an hour straight, adopting a new strategy that turned out to be more efficient than the previous ones. I'd been positive I would eventually find a way.

The crib was starting to look like an acceptable one when I heard the door crack open. I looked up, a smile stretching on my face. All I could see was Bella's arm holding a beer. Then, she popped her head in, a sheepish look on her face.

"Peace offering, Jake? I'm sorry I shouted at you." She was too sweet. Even if she was driving me crazy, I couldn't be mad at her. I stood up and went towards her to grab the drink. She must have cleaned her nose because it wasn't grey anymore. Instead, it was sort of really red, like she had scrubbed it forcefully.

"Thanks, Bells," I said, hugging her another time. "Look, your husband almost won his fight against the naughty crib."

"Of course he did; my husband is amazing." She laughed softly, burying her face against my chest to whisper that she was sorry again. I simply squeezed her arm and she broke free from my embrace to go examine the crib more closely. I sat down on the chair, enjoying the chillness of the beer in my throat. I was actually very thirsty.

"Jake…" I heard Bella say, her voice sounding like she was just next to me. I opened my eyes, surprised that I had closed them unconsciously. Bella sounded like she was up to something. She stepped right in front of me, her hands hidden behind her back and her mischievous look told me to run as far away from her as possible. "I guess you deserve some payback, don't you think?"

Before I could realize what was happening, she pressed her two hands to my cheeks. They were sticky and covered with paint. So much for getting a drop on her nose. Now, my whole face was grey. She applied her hands a few more times to my forehead and my neck to be sure that she was doing a good job. The smile on her face was priceless. She looked like the happiest child ever and it made me want to laugh just like she was doing. She wanted to play, didn't she? I could do that, too.

"Oh, you think that's funny, huh? Watch out!" I sprang from my chair before she had time to move and I started walking towards her. She walked backwards, trying to escape me. The room wasn't big enough to make this possible, though. She was going to be trapped.

"Jake, no! No!" She tried to make me stop but she was laughing so hard at the same time that it wasn't convincing at all. Soon, she found herself against the wall and retreated in the corner, making it even easier for me to get to her. "Jake, please!" I shook my head, not able to prevent the grin on my face. My cheeks felt heavy because of the paint and I knew the best way to take some of it off. I put my hands on both side of Bella's face and leaned towards her.

"Since you love paint so much, here you go." And I rubbed my cheek against hers. She was laughing so much that I was afraid she was going to choke. She grabbed my tee-shirt to remain standing but her body was shaking so terribly that it was useless. In a matter of seconds, we slid to the floor until we were lying next to each other. I gave her right cheek the same treatment her left one had received and finished with a kiss on the lips.

"It's going to take forever to clean this mess," Bella managed to say when she finally stopped laughing. She even had paint in her hair and my tee-shirt was a lost cause. I loved it. I loved how beautiful she was when she was smiling and laughing, like nothing else in the world mattered but the two of us.

"I'll help you," I assured, kissing her again. It must have sounded disgusting considering that we were basically kissing paint but it was the best. The fact that Bella didn't even care about stained clothes or disastrous hair was more important than anything else. We kissed once more before I propped myself on my elbow to look down at her sweet face. Her hand covered mine which was resting on her belly and the three of us were connected, sort of. She sighed happily, looking around the room, admiring the work we had done so far.

"I like this green. This way, he won't be disoriented when he goes outside. Green inside, green outside. No difference."

It was a simple statement, the truth actually, but it stirred something inside of me. Something I hadn't wanted to ask her as I was more than afraid of her answer. We were more than fine since the parking lot that I didn't want to ruin it. I was such a hypocrite. I resented Bella for not opening up on her feelings and here I was, too scared to talk about mine.

"Bells…there's something I've been meaning to ask you…" I sounded so anxious that her head snapped back in my direction, worry in her eyes. _Tell me you lied, please tell me you lied._

"What's wrong, Jake?"

"The night we had the fight…well…you kinda said…you said I got…I got you stuck in La Push. I…I wanted to know if you meant it or…" My voice cracked and I wasn't able to finish the question. I didn't want to know the answer if it was going to hurt. I needed the truth, though. I needed to know if she really thought that and then we would find a solution.

"Oh, Jake. Jake!" she exclaimed, sitting upright to hug me. I hugged her back as if to give me strength. "I'm so sorry I said that! I'm so sorry! I was so mad and I just wanted to leave but it's not true, Jake. It's not. Look at me, Jake." My face was buried in her shoulder while she was rubbing my back. I absolutely didn't want to move. I wanted to stay like this. I wanted her to keep on comforting me. Yet, she admitted she lied so I was less afraid to look her in the eyes.

I looked up and her face was shared between the tears lingering in her eyes and the paint all over her cheeks that made her look like a clown. Mine must have been the same. My eyes were teary, too. What was wrong with me and crying this week? I never cried, dammit! Bella cupped my face with her small hands, drawing me to her until my forehead was resting against hers.

"You belong here, Jake. And I belong with you. I love La Push. La Push means family. Who cares if it's cold and rainy? You're here to make it sunnier and warmer. I belong here, Jake. I wouldn't feel at home anywhere else. I'm so sorry, Jake."

She started kissing me lightly, repeating how much she was sorry against my lips. I was having a hard time trying to breathe correctly. She lied, she didn't mean it. I was so relieved. We were okay, we were more than okay.

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-There's a link to the bracelet that Seth gave to Bella on my profile page and you can also find it the pic of the mural stuff the Kangaroo is getting in its bedroom: http:/www (.) fanfiction (.) net/u/1994416/

-Also, I have a new fic that I'm writing in collaboration with Tazz. It's a Jacob/OC fic, which is a spin-off of her own fic, an Edward/Bella one. You don't necessarily have to read the first fic to understand the spin-off but you should because it's really entertaining. It's about Bella trying to get into Edward's pants. It's fun! As for the Jacob fic, it's called **In Your Eyes** and you can find it here: http:/www(.) fanfiction (.) net/s/6052301/1/InYour_Eyes_A_Jacob_Savannah_Story

And I love reviews. A lot. They make my day :)

**Chapter 27 A Blacks' Black Day**

**"Is it you house, Sir?"**

**"What...what happened?"**

**"Is it your house?" the cop asked again.**

_So what? You should be used to my teasers by now, right? ;)_

If things take a turn for the worse at school, the only way for you to know if I'll keep on updating or not is to follow me on Twitter: _**mellyb6**_.


	29. Chapter 27

If I replied to your review, you know that I said that the next update would take some time to come. But this chapter was already beta'd so I decided to update it anyway. It's the _next_ chapter that won't be updated very soon. Sometimes, RL sucks really, really hard.

I hope you are all enjoying the summer so far and that you enjoyed Eclipse (because I certainly _didn't_. But here's not the place to discuss how those people ruined my favorite book of the series).

Thanks to my beta, **faite-comme-moi** for handling this very important chapter. I'm already feeling for you for the ones you'll have to deal with after!

Disclaimer: Still not owning anything Twilight-related. SMeyer does.

**And please, please,_ please_. If you want to review (and I hope you'll want to), read the End Notes before doing so. _Please_. Thanks.**

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****Chapter 27 ****A Blacks' Black Day**

_Jacob's POV_

_Friday, January 16th._

I just wished the stupid truck would go faster. Not that I was driving slow. I was already flirting with speeding but trying not to overstep the limit, knowing that the boss wouldn't like me getting a fine. I was late, though. I was supposed to meet Billy for a quick lunch fifteen minutes ago. I only had a short break at noon but it had become a sort of tradition for me to go to my Dad's for my breaks on Fridays. I didn't like knowing he was alone all day long. He had friends, sure, but he couldn't really go around town as freely as he wanted to. If people didn't go and visit him, he had little opportunity to have company. Besides, even if Billy didn't admit it out loud, he was feeling sad and lonely now that I'd moved out. I wasn't far away but it wasn't the same. I'd taken the next step in my life and although living with Bella was truly amazing and felt like the right place to be, I missed my father's messy house. I missed my messy bedroom.

So I was more than happy to come over at least once a week as if to make sure that nothing had changed. But even though Port Angeles wasn't in theory that far away from La Push, you never knew when there would be roadwork forcing you to wait forever until you reached your destination. Then, the spare parts supplier had been clever enough to ask a clueless new employee to make sure we got everything we had ordered. And when I say clever, I'm being sarcastic. I thought he would never find his way in the stockroom. It wasn't such a maze! I almost spotted everything before he did. It was as if the entire world had decided that I wasn't going to see my father today. Stupid world.

We finally made it into Forks, which meant that we weren't so far away anymore. If I was lucky I could just swing by and say hi to Billy even if lunch looked more or less out of the question right now. I would have made it up to him by going tonight if I didn't already have something planned. As if he could read my mind, Andy turned his head toward me.

"Do you have plans for tonight?" We hadn't been speaking a lot, just listening to the radio. Andy wasn't the type of guy who talked, anyway. At the garage, we soon found out that his initial shyness was because he didn't know us at all. He had quickly overcome it, though. Now, he drank beer faster than I did. There was still some work to do on the talking part but, at least, the guys weren't making fun of him anymore.

"Yeah. We're going out for my birthday." I couldn't help the grin on my face when my mind recalled what Bella and I did two days ago, when it really was my birthday. Well, actually, Bella was the one who did stuff. I simply had to enjoy. And man, we hadn't done that in weeks. It was clear that we both missed being so close all the time. Tonight was supposed to be even better. I couldn't wait to come back home.

"That's cool. What are you going?"

"Simple stuff. A movie and going to the restaurant, I guess." What I wasn't telling him was that Bella and I were going to have sex tonight, too. I didn't want to be the sort of guy who had to be restricted to special days and hours to have sex with his wife. It was different for us because we didn't have a choice; we were following doctor's orders. I knew it was going to be mind-blowing. Wednesday's activities had relieved me of more of my sexual frustrations so I was going to take my time tonight. I wanted to enjoy Bella. From the look on her face when she made the suggestion, she wanted to enjoy me as well. Not that I was going to complain.

"What movie are you going to see?" Andy asked, bringing me out of my little daydream. He was curious today.

"I don't really know, actually. Did you hear if any were good?"

"I went to see that _Daybreakers_ movie the other day. It was kind of okay. It's about a world full of vampires and they're running out of human blood and there's this scientist who doesn't drink human…"

"My wife doesn't like horror movies," I cut him off, my hands clenching the steering-wheel. It was a lie; Bella liked all kinds of movies. Yet, I wasn't going to go see one about vampires. Andy couldn't know it but vampires that didn't drink human blood existed in real life, according to Bella. I seriously doubted it even if it wasn't the point. Bella wasn't going to see a movie about vampires. Period. She shouldn't even know there was such a movie out. I wanted our evening to be perfect. No drama.

"Yeah, girls aren't big fans of these things. I guess you'll be stuck watching some chick flick." He gave a small laugh at his joke, making me wonder what was up with him. It basically was the longest non-job related conversation we had ever had. I wasn't complaining. Sitting in a truck for more than one hour without talking wasn't something I particularly enjoyed. "Is that her? I mean, your wife?" He pointed to the glossy, but a bit dirty, photograph glued next to the steering wheel.

Going to our supplier to get spare parts was my job, I was the only one to do it. It may have had to do with the fact that I was the first employee hired by our boss. At the time when he opened the garage, even though I was only 16, he had to give me more responsibilities to get the business started. I hadn't minded given that, soon after, Bella broke up with me and I needed something else to focus on. I kept on getting more responsibilities until I was the boss of everyone one except the big boss. I liked being so involved because the boss was thinking about opening another garage and making me manager of the one in La Push while he would be out earning more money. I hadn't talked to Bella about that yet as it wasn't really official news. But when it would be, I'd be making more money, which was a great improvement.

Because I was the only one allowed to drive to the supplier, I was the only one using the truck. I took some liberties and customized it a bit. The best thing was what Andy was pointing at right now: Bella's picture, next to where my right hand rested on the steering wheel. I liked looking at the picture to think that in a sense, Bella was with me when I was working. Although the picture was rather old, now that Bella had cut her hair she looked exactly like she did four years ago. Every time I looked at the reproduction of her smile, I couldn't help smiling in return. She looked so happy in this picture.

"Yep, that's her," I answered, slowing down to make room for a fire truck coming behind me at full speed. Why did everyone have to slow me down today?

"She's pretty." I couldn't agree more. Well, I thought Bella was more than pretty. She was gorgeous but I wouldn't have been very happy with Andy if he had used that particular adjective.

Andy then proceeded to tell me of his plans for the evening and I learned that he was going out with the guys from the garage. It had been a long time since I'd done something like that. Anyway, I preferred spending time with the pack when I wasn't with Bella. I felt much closer to them than to my co-workers. No surprise about that.

We finally made it to the garage. I could smell smoke in the air but nobody else seemed to be alarmed by it. It must just be my sense of smell which was more developed than theirs. Linking the fire truck to the smell, I assumed that there was a fire at the edge of the forest, next to the beach. It wasn't unusual for people to not completely extinguish their bonfires. It was getting on our nerves but it didn't look like it was going to change anytime soon.

I went to ask the boss if it was okay to take my break now and to unload the truck after. He gave me the "yes" I had expected so I quickly went to the back of the garage to get my motorcycle. I didn't really want to wear the helmet since it was more of a pain than anything else. I didn't need it but yet all this crap about people finding out that we were different if I ended up having an accident was forcing me to wear it. Besides, Bella felt safer when I had it on. And knowing how small La Push was, if I didn't wear it, someone was bound to see me and to tell her. I didn't want an argument over such a little thing. So, I put the helmet on and was off on the road.

A few seconds later, though, I had to slow down to let an ambulance pass me. Okay. What was going on this time? I didn't want people to be stupid and get hurt, especially not tourists. We had wooden stakes with security guidance all over the beach. If people decided to not follow them and be reckless it wasn't our fault. Yet, if something like that had happened, I was going to be stuck in town tonight. Couldn't the world be quiet and behave for just one evening?

And then, it hit me. Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Why was this ambulance directly in front of me? Why was it taking the exact same road as I was? Why was it rushing toward my father's house? I lifted my helmet enough and the smell of smoke, still in the air, attacked me stronger than ever. There were different layers in it as if a lot of different stuff was burning at the same time. What the hell was going on? I had a bad feeling about what was going on. A really bad feeling. I sped up and arrived on the dirty road just after the ambulance.

There was a big cloud of dust left after its passage but it didn't hide the huge mess in front of me. The smell and the sight together were sickening. I had to clutch to the motorcycle in order not to lose my balance. There were fire trucks, the one I'd let pass and another, there were cops. There was a lot of activity but for me, it was as if the place had gone silent. No screams, no sound, nothing. I dumped my helmet to the ground, thinking that maybe, if this barrier was off, the scene would change back to normal, to how it was supposed to be, to what I expected.

It didn't. It didn't because when I opened my eyes again, the house was still burning and I still couldn't believe it. It wasn't a house anymore, it was just material being eaten by fire. It was a huge bonfire and it was replaying the sight I witnessed so often on the beach. It shouldn't be there. It wasn't its place. I tried to walk yet my legs were shaking so much that I knew one step would send me to the ground. I was stuck where I was standing, watching the house disappear. Even if the firemen stopped the flames, it would be too late. It would be over. Nothing could be the same inside. I felt a pang in my chest at this simple thought. A single tear rolled down my cheek and I didn't try to stop it.

I don't know how long I stayed motionless. My brain wasn't able to process everything that was going on around me. The only thing that mattered was the house slowly slipping away from me, my memories burning with it. As I watched the fire hoses sending water to the flames and extinguishing the already too destructive fire, I saw all the vivid memories that I had with this house flashing in front of my eyes. I didn't want it, it was too painful but I couldn't escape it.

Suddenly, I was five again, lying in bed with my mom next to me, reading my favorite story. I leaned toward the small book, pointed at the page and read. One word. The first one I'd ever read: blue. My mom's smile that night was imprinted in my mind and I was the one who brought it on her face.

I was seven and every Saturday I would lie on the couch in the morning, much too early for my dad's taste and I would watch the Superman cartoon that I used to like. I would drink the hot chocolate Mom gave me before going to work and I would feel like the happiest kid in the world.

Then I was a bit older and every single week night, Rachel and Rebecca would take over the TV and watch this show of theirs that I hated because it was at the same time as the show that I was interested in watching. Every single day I complained about it but I never won the remote control. There were two of them and they were older. I didn't have a chance.

I was eight and I was curled up on my grandfather's lap on a dark night. He was telling me about the Quileute legends, about men who morphed into wolves, about the cold ones, the people who drank human blood. They were just horror stories for me back then. I was very scared but I didn't show it because I, too, wanted to be a wolf and only the bravest men could become one.

I was ten and I had the greatest birthday party ever. I could see the faces of the young Quil and Embry in my head, along with the faces of other boys whose names long ago. But Quil and Embry, they already were my best friends. My mom had organized a big treasure hunt in the too tiny house that had looked like a battlefield after everybody left. We ate the most gigantic chocolate cake I'd ever seen that day.

I was eleven, it was Halloween. It was raining and I was sitting on the porch, still wearing my werewolf costume. I was sitting with Rachel and Rebecca, the three of us holding hands and trying to understand that our mom would never come back home from the store because the road had been too slippery, the tree too close, the impact too great. She didn't stand a chance. She was gone and she wasn't coming back. Never.

I was fourteen and I was standing on the same porch, at the top of the stairs, waving goodbye to Rebecca and her soon-to-be husband. I didn't understand why she was leaving us when I needed her so bad. I didn't understand why she was going so far away, as if she didn't love us anymore. The very same year, I was locked in my room, Rachel knocking on the door, trying to make me come out. I didn't do it because I was too angry. She was leaving for college, abandoning us, too, and all the women in my family were gone and I was lost.

I was sixteen and right here, on the porch, I came home from the greatest evening of my life. I was feeling funny but Bella had told me that she liked me more than her stupid classmate who ruined the movie by getting sick. And then all hell broke loose. One remark, a sudden flash of anger and _poof_. I wasn't there anymore. I was a wolf, embracing my destiny and scaring me to death. That very night my new life started, in front of this house.

I was sixteen again, sitting on the couch, completely numb after Leah's funeral. The TV was on but I wasn't watching it. Bella wasn't either. She was curled up on my side, desperately trying to lessen the pain. She cried, stroked my cheek, said she didn't want to lose me, that she cared too much about me to bear it if I was going to end up like Leah. The next second, she was kissing me, tears in both of our eyes. Our first kiss. And also the first time Bella asked me to stop phasing. It was the first time I told her I loved her. I knew she wasn't ready, it was too soon but it had slipped and I needed to say it.

Just three months after that, Bella was going to leave for college. I didn't want her to even though I had no choice. The day before she left she came to my house, saying that she had tricked Charlie into believing she had forgotten something at Emily's. Before I knew it, we were both in my bed, naked, making love for the first time. It was awkward yet, at the same time, it had been one of the most amazing nights of my life.

The Christmas of this same year, Bella once again came to my house and I thought it was to say goodbye given that the break was over and she had to go back to Seattle. I couldn't have been more wrong. Bella broke my heart that day. She broke up with me because she was afraid and insecure and it was the entire fault of the idiot who was now bound to be my brother-in-law.

And then, I was eighteen, coming home from Charlie and Sue's wedding. I hated it. I hated the fact that Bella had been there and that I still felt exactly the same toward her when it was clear that she had moved on. But to my surprise, she was waiting for me, at my house, sitting on the stairs, smoking. It had taken so long afterwards to get her to give up cigarettes. She was there to tell me that she lied, quite convincingly actually, and that she wasn't as happy as she pretended to be, that she hadn't really moved on. She asked if we could try to be together again. I couldn't believe it. It had been one of the most blissful evenings of my life.

Because most of the best times of my life had been spent there, in a house that didn't exist anymore.

I was in shock because I'd never imagined that this house would cease to exist one day. It'd always been a part of my existence and I'd thought that it would still stand long after my death. I'd lived in this house for 23 years, but now it was just a heap of ashes with four walls still standing by a thread. All the rest was gone. Gone. Never coming back.

Slowly, the flames were disappearing under the tons of water sent by the firemen. I felt water on my own face but it was rain, as I was too shocked to cry. The rain helped the fire hoses until eventually, the flames disappeared completely. The smoke became stronger, encircling the whole place in a thick grey cloud. My eyes locked on the smoke stretching toward the sky. I couldn't bear to look at the remains of the house. It hurt too much. I wanted the world to fade, to leave me alone. However, I was also slightly aware of someone talking but I didn't realize they were talking to _me_ until I felt them grasp my arm. I shook my head and painfully looked down at the cop standing beside me.

"Is it your house, Sir?"

"What…what happened?" I stammered, finally finding the strength to move to take a step forward. I needed to know what happened. I needed to know what had caused this disaster.

"Is it your house?" the cop asked again, not answering my question and blocking my way with his arm.

"Yes…no. I mean…no. It used to be. I used to live here. It's my father's hou..." I was about to push through the weak barrier the man provided when I stopped dead in my tracks. Oh my God. My father. I hadn't thought about him at all. Was Billy there when the fire started? Was he safe? He basically built this house, exactly like I did for mine and Bella's. The house was his work and right now he must be devastated by its loss even more than I was. The house wasn't here anymore yet he had lost more than a building. He'd lost his home. Where was he? I was his only family, he needed my comfort. He needed me.

I tried to take a step forward only to be met by the cop's arm again. He certainly didn't want me to get closer even if there was no danger at all. The fire was gone; so was the house. There was nothing left. Besides, I wouldn't have cared if there still was any danger for me. I had to find Billy.

"I need to see my father. Where is he?" I asked, pushing the cop as slightly as I could.

"Sir…listen. You need to know that…"

He was seriously starting to get on my nerves so I decided to stop listening to him. I pushed him out of the way until, in a few strides, I was at the bottom of what remained of the front stairs. I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes at the sight. Being so close to the catastrophe was worse than seeing it from a distance. Through the smoke I could discern burnt stuff, stuff that used to mean very much to me, to us. It was surreal.

I tore my eyes away to focus on Billy. He must not have been there when the house started to burn down or else I would have seen him with the cops or the firemen. Maybe he was out into town and he wasn't back yet. Maybe he didn't know what had happened. If he didn't, it was going to be harder on him. I'd just have to wait for him. Screw work. This was more important. But the thought of work crushed the assumption that Billy wasn't there. We were supposed to have lunch together. He had to be there, somewhere. I scanned my surroundings but there was no trace of my father.

The annoying cop was back beside me and I looked down at him to tell him to leave me alone and go to hell. If he didn't want to say where Billy was, he was of no use to me. I had just opened my mouth when I saw the look on his face. It was puzzling. He looked like someone who had lived this scene many times before and hadn't mastered how difficult it was. His look was full of pity with a hint of sadness and of compassion. What was wrong with him? What was wrong?

"Sir, it seems that your father…"

"Where is he?" I shouted angrily. I was still feeling the pain of watching the house crumble but anger overtook me. Even though I was usually more than fine with controlling it, what had just happened touched me to the core. I felt like I could phase at any second. I knew I couldn't but taking deep breaths wasn't helping. Nothing was helping. I needed to see Billy. I needed to see him badly because another bad feeling was invading my mind. A feeling that I hated, a feeling that couldn't be the truth.

"I'm sorry, Sir. They did everything they could but…"

"Where is my dad?" I yelled, fear taking over anger and making my voice shake.

I didn't want to hear what he had to say. I knew how the sentence was going to end even though it was false. Of course it was. There was no way on Earth it was true. Billy was there and I was going to find him, hug him and say that everything was going to be okay although it would be a lie. I turned around, the wind dissipating the thick smoke slowly. And that's when I saw it. I closed my eyes, praying that when I'd open them, the vision would be gone. My heart was pounding in my chest, my hands were shaking. However, the need to phase had disappeared. I opened my eyes but they were still there. The ambulance, the people with the blue jackets, the kind that people working in hospitals wore. Them and the covered form under the blanket. Oh hell no. No, no, no. No.

No. This wasn't happening. No. It was a dream. A very bad dream, sure. But a dream nevertheless. I was going to wake up and everything would be right again. The house would still be standing and I wouldn't be late. Billy and I would have lunch together. Exactly like we had planned. It was a dream. I was going to close my eyes, open them and my dad would still be…Oh God. Tears were rolling down my cheeks at the simple thought that he was…As fast as it had come on the first time, the urge to phase reappeared. Phasing would be easy. The wolf would take over, I would leave my feelings behind. I wouldn't hurt so much.

I couldn't phase, though. I had to make sure that what all the people here were thinking wasn't the truth. They had made a mistake and I wouldn't have to phase. I closed the empty space between the ambulance and me, leaving the cop behind, focusing right in front of me to avoid the looks I was getting. My legs were trembling. My mind wanted to see that they were wrong but at the same time, my body didn't want to. I was afraid of what I was going to see. But Billy couldn't be under this blanket. He just couldn't. He couldn't do that. Not to me. I wanted to shout at them all that they were wrong. My voice got stuck in my throat, not a word came out. I wanted to shake them until they admitted it, that they admitted that Billy was somewhere else. Somewhere safe. Some place where he was…

I was so sure that I was right but my hands were trembling like never before when I reached the stretcher. The breaths I was taking weren't helping. The tears wouldn't stop. They were going to stop soon. As soon as I had the assurance that I was right. I didn't want to lift the blanket. I had to. I bent down and did so. I took just a glimpse and my whole world collapsed. My heart tore apart, opening wounds that had never really healed. Only this time it was ten times worse. My lungs stopped working, my stomach heaved and I felt as if I was going to be sick.

They were all right. They weren't wrong. They didn't make any mistake. I hated them for this. They. Were. Right.

The pain that shot inside of me was unbearable. My heart was breaking and I couldn't take it anymore. It hurt too much. It was too hard. My whole body was screaming at me to let my control slip, to do what was going to ease the pain, if it could be eased. I tried not to forget that I had an audience, which was very difficult. I took a few steps backwards, shaking my head. My vision was blurred by the tears but my eyes were still fixed on what I had just seen. I turned around and took off, running toward the forest. The same annoying cop was shouting at me to wait but I couldn't have cared less. The second I couldn't hear his voice anymore, I phased, shredding my clothes in the process.

Scraps of jean flew around me and I was running way before the cloth touched the ground. I'd hoped that being a wolf would stop the pain. I'd hoped it would have been like it was for Seth who stayed phased for days when Leah died because it was easier for him. All it took for him to be in human form again was Bella coaxing him to phase back. It didn't work for me. The pain was devastating and I could feel its full force even when I had four legs. I wanted to run and run and run until maybe, finally, my heart would stop tearing apart.

I hit the ground with all my strength, trying to shut my mind down. I didn't want to think of all the memories I had with Billy because I knew they were the only ones I had and that I wasn't going to make more. I howled with despair, with anger, with sadness, with rage. I wanted everything to stop. I wanted the forest to swallow me. I wanted…I came to an abrupt halt when I realized where I was. I'd unconsciously come to the one I needed the most. The only one who could comfort me, if I could be comforted. The only one that I wanted to see. The only one I wanted to talk to. The only one who could see me in all my despair. And this person was definitely not the one who was coming behind me.

_Go away, Quil,_ I thought, growling. I tried very hard to block my thoughts, to not show him what had just happened but it was too difficult. It was too fresh and everything poured into his mind. His thoughts were blank for a second before I could feel his pity.

_Jake…I'm so sorry…_

_I said_ go away! _Go away before I rip your head off!_ I didn't want his pity. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want anybody to see me when I was so weak.

_Seeing Bella may not be such a good idea…_

_Shut up, Quil! Just shut up!_ I screamed in my mind, growling even more and ready to attack so he would leave me alone. I was vaguely aware that lunging at him wouldn't do any good yet I needed to release the tension and a fight seemed the best way to do so. Quil moved away when he saw how serious I was. He was about to leave when I remembered something.

_Wait. Gimme your clothes before you go._

He knew better than to refuse. He phased back just long enough to throw me his clothes. Then, he phased again and he was gone within seconds. I phased back, collapsing to the ground when I realized that I'd been wrong. The pain had lessened while I was a wolf and now, it was worse than ever. I don't know how long I stayed there, hating myself for losing control over everything.

I stood up to put Quil's clothes on as the rain intensified. It had been just a small drizzle until now. I ran toward the high school. It seemed that everybody was in class. The hallways were empty and I wasn't comfortable being here, looking like I had spent weeks away from civilization. I didn't know where Bella's classroom was so I followed her scent. Even if my mind was confused and there were tons of different odors in the building, her scent stood above the rest.

I was at her door rather quickly. I tried to catch my breath and wiped the tears away. I needed to stop crying before facing everyone in the room. I braced myself against a wall until my eyes were dried, my body wasn't shaking and I wasn't choking anymore. I could hear someone trying to read Old English, or whatever and the laughter of everybody else. Belle scolded them, asking them to be quiet. I knew I shouldn't interrupt the class. I should have waited yet she was so close and I needed her. I knocked harshly on the door and burst into the room without waiting for an answer.

The room fell silent as every head turned in my direction with surprise. Bella was at the back, sitting on a desk. Her whole face took on a red color when she saw that it was me. She carefully got off the desk to walk to me. I was very aware of everyone watching us and was praying that I wasn't going to cry in front of them.

"Jake? What are you doing here? What…what's wrong?"

The blush vanished to be replaced by worry. I may not be crying but it didn't mean I could hide the pain I was feeling. Bella reached my side, eyeing me with fear. I wanted to hug her, to hold her close and never let go. I couldn't do this in front of an audience of teenagers, though.

"I need…to talk to you…now."

"O…kay? I'll be back in a minute. Be quiet," Bella said to her class and we were in the hallway. Alone.

I couldn't take it any longer. As soon as Bella closed the door, I tugged her hand so she was pressed to my chest. I heard her gasp with surprise but she didn't pull away. Next to her, it felt easier to bear the pain. It didn't mean it was gone but with her by my side, maybe I could find the strength to go through this tragedy.

"Jake, what's wrong? You're scaring me. Talk to me, please."

I struggled to find the right words. She tried to look up at me but I knew I would tell what was happening better if I couldn't see her face. I closed my eyes, breathed in to give me some courage.

"Billy's dead…" I couldn't go farther than that. Saying it out loud made it truer. It made the truth hit me more violently. Everything came crashing down on me once again. My tears were wetting Bella's hair until she pulled away. She gasped loudly and when I opened my eyes, I saw the pain of the news all over her face. Tears were in her eyes, threatening to escape.

"What? I mean…how? What…what happened?"

"There was a…no. I can't. I…just…I can't. Bella." I pulled her into my arms for another hug which was so strong that there wasn't any room left between our two bodies. She tensed and I realized that I must be hurting her. I couldn't do that. I'd just lost someone I wasn't ready to let go off. As much as I needed Bella's proximity, I couldn't hurt the one and a half person in front of me.

"I'm so, so sorry, Jake," Bella whispered against my chest. She didn't say anything else. She knew she didn't have to. I felt like I couldn't stop crying. I felt so cold, so empty and so sad. Even being with Bella didn't ease the pain as I thought it would.

I don't know how long we stayed there, hugging while I cried and Bella tried to comfort me by soothing my back with her hands. I didn't want to let go of her. She didn't lessen the pain yet she prevented me from losing my mind. I'd never felt so weak in my entire life and strangely, I didn't mind.

I'd be brave later. Because right now, I was only a little kid who'd just lost his dad. So I kept on crying. And Bella kept on comforting me.

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**Read this before reviewing! _Please_.**

I know you must hate me right now. You may be crying and hating me. Trust me. I hate myself and I cried a lot while writing and proofreading this chapter. I just want to explain how this idea came to me. When I was outlining the entire fic one year ago, the thought of killing someone (in this case, Billy) came to me out of the blue. I thought it could be interesting to just see where it could go but I never intended to actually include it in the fic. The problem is that once I started considering it, I couldn't see the fic any other way. And I tried to rebel. Really, I did. But it didn't work. So, that's why this chapter is here. You are still welcome to hate me and I'll hand you tissues. But even if you hate me, you can review, right? This chapter (and the following ones) is the death of me so even if it's only to say that it sucked or that you cried, please, leave me a little something?

Also, I may have mentioned or not. I don't remember. I wrote an outtake which deals with what Jacob mentioned at the start of the chapter: what Bella and he did the very day of his birthday. It's a rather short smut outtake: http : / / www (.) fanfiction (.) net/s/6109573/1/Jacobs_Birthday_Present

**Chapter 28: You Are Not Alone**

**"Every time...every time I close my eyes...I see his face, Bells," Jacob said between choked breaths. "I see his face and I want it to stop because it hurts, it hurts so much." I had to bit my lip to prevent me from crying.**


	30. Chapter 28

I don't usually rant but right now, I'm fed up with Twi'd. I submitted this chapter over there two weeks ago and it still hasn't been updated. So, I get it that they have thousands of chapters to deal with and that mine is approximately 9,500 wors long but still. I know you've been waiting for it so Twi'd be damned, I'm posting it here first. I have way more reviews over there but it's not fair to deny you an update that has been sitting on a queue for two weeks. Rant over :)

On a (brighter) note...no actually, it's not brighter. Let me explain. This chapter has some history. I write outlines for my chapters. I wrote the outline for this one on Monday, 19th of April? How do I remember the date? Well, that day, a very close friend of mine died. I was still in Ireland at the time and there was an Icelandic volcano that decided to blow some ashes in the sky at this precise moment. So I was stuck in Galway, by myself. And it was hard. It literally blocked me because writing about Billy being dead reminded me of my friend. It took me two months to finish the chapter. And even then, I wasn't satisfied with it so you can say thank you to my beta who helped me polish it.

Now, enjoy! And the chapter title is a song by Michael Jackson.

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**Chapter 28 ****You are not alone**

_**Saturday, January 17****th**_

_**Bella's POV**_

I was sitting at the kitchen table, my hands trembling and I had a terrible headache from all the crying of the past hours. It didn't matter, though. I was desperately trying to make some sense out of the forms spread in front of me. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know what to do. I had never had to do this before. Arranging a funeral. The last person who died and was very close to me was my grandmother but it was years ago and I was just a little girl. I didn't get involved in the whole process of contacting everybody, arranging things with graveyards. I didn't want to take the responsibility for anything because it wasn't mine to take in the first place, but Jacob wasn't in a good shape to handle more difficulties. Burying him under a pile of complicated forms was the last thing I wanted to do. I hoped that Rachel would be able to help me when they got here.

I wiped the tears that had escaped my eyes without me noticing them. The gesture was becoming a familiar one by now and I hated it. I hated the awful situation, that I couldn't quite believe what was happening to us but on top of everything, I hated my hormones for making me cry even more. It seemed that no matter what I was doing, I had to cry. It wasn't helping at all. I was about to stand up from the table to focus on dinner to try to stop the crying when Beta whined next to me and rested her head on my lap.

"Something terrible happened, you know," I whispered, stroking her head while she was still whining. It was as if she could understand that something was wrong and that we were very sad. "It's really hard right now. But it's harder for Jake."

Oh, God, Jake. I had never seen him so miserable in my entire life. It looked like he was lifeless. I knew that the sadness I was feeling was nothing compared to what he was feeling. My eyes filled with tears at only the thought of Jacob standing in my classroom on the verge of breaking down. For a split second yesterday, I was so angry at him for interrupting my class. Who did he think he was? Then, I registered how he was and I instantly thought he had imprinted on someone else. I knew I shouldn't have because he had imprinted on me yet it was so new and it didn't change our lives so much that, most of the time, I tended to forget I was his imprint. He liked this. Somehow, I would have preferred for that to have happened. My heart would have been broken but, at least, nobody would be dead.

I had hardly ever seen Jacob cry. Even when he did, it was over small stuff or from joy. Crying simply wasn't a Jacob thing. The mere fact that he spent hours yesterday and last night crying showed just how much he was affected by the tragedy. He had never expected Billy to leave so soon or even to leave at all. He always thought Billy would still be there for a long time. The idea that he could die never crossed Jacob's mind. It amplified everything. Getting Jacob to leave the high school was harder than I would have imagined. He cried on me for what seemed to be hours until I realized class would soon be over. Jacob wasn't in any state of mind to act on his own but I knew he wouldn't want people, especially not teenagers, to see him.

He was like a puppet, a little child tagging along with a grown-up. I would tug on his hand, ask him gently to come with me and he would follow. Never asking where we were going, not asking anything actually. Not talking at all. He would just nod, squeeze my hand and not let go of it. I had him sitting in the car just as the bell rang the end of the period which made me realize I had completely forgotten my students. They didn't mind my absence. Who would blame them? Fortunately, this period was my last one thanks to my lighter schedule so I was able to get back to Jacob quickly.

We spent some time in the car, me looking at him and him staring in front of the car. He wasn't crying anymore but the sadness was all over his face. It had made me want to cry so bad yet I didn't want to do so while he was with me. He needed someone strong, someone he could rely on, someone who could help him. Keeping the tears inside was difficult but I managed. For Jacob, I would do anything that was in my power. I didn't know what had happened and I truly wanted for him to tell me. He tried once or twice only to end up choking on his sobs so I gave up. He would tell me when he's ready. I didn't need to know to feel sad anyway. How it had happened didn't matter since the result was still the same. Billy was gone.

Later that afternoon we had to go to the morgue because, apparently, Jacob left his father's house in quite a rush and didn't have a chance to acknowledge that it was his father who had died. The whole time we were inside the creepy building, Jacob didn't let go of my hand. I'm sure that my blood stopped rushing to my hand at one point. He had been holding back his tears and had tried to put on a brave face for his own sake. He had lots of pride and didn't want people to think that he was weak. It was hopeless as everyone in the room could see how he really felt. We saw Charlie but Jacob didn't stop to talk to him or even look at him. My dad was pretty devastated, too. I'd never seen him like this either. He never expressed his feelings but this loss was too great to be referred to as a normal situation. It gave everyone a perfect excuse to stop acting like a man and to cry in public.

Jacob didn't let go of my hand when I drove us back to our house, either. As a matter of fact, he only let go of my hand when I said that I had to go to the bathroom and then only after I'd coaxed him to release his grip. It seemed that he was afraid I would disappear if we stopped being in contact. I couldn't blame him. The way he sighed a weak 'okay', the way he dragged himself to the bedroom, the way he refused to eat, the way he didn't take off his clothes, everything he did was breaking my heart. The only thing I wanted to do was hug him and tell him that everything would be all right. I couldn't do the second part because I was sure that it wasn't. It was going to take a long time for things to be all right again. And even then, they weren't going to be the same. Jacob wouldn't have his father anymore.

On the other hand, I did hug him. I remember lying on the bed with him, snuggling as close as I could to his body, my arm across his waist, squeezing as hard as possible. It wasn't very strong but it seemed that Jacob felt a bit better. He squeezed me back but my belly would always get in the way, which made us end in an awkward position: me lying on my back, Jacob hugging me, his head resting slightly above my stomach. We didn't really talk. I kept on shushing him every time he sobbed before he finally fell asleep. I didn't dare move, being afraid that I would wake him up so I slept on top of the blanket, still in my work clothes. It wasn't so bad except for the fact that every hour or so, Jacob would wake up, frantically asking what day it was and if it was just a dream. And every time, my heart would be aching at the sight of his face when I told him that no, it wasn't a dream, that Billy was really gone.

At one point, I even started to be afraid that he would hyperventilate because of his crying. I tried to make him take deep breaths and he only succeeded after fifteen minutes of synchronized breathing. He looked so much like a little child, completely lost and not knowing what had happened to him. I wanted to help him so badly and at the same time, I was clueless on what to do. I could shush him and rub his back as much as I wanted to, it wasn't going to make the pain go away. Nothing could. Nothing could and I hated it. I hated seeing Jacob suffer like this, weak because of something which was so unfair, so wrong. Billy shouldn't be dead. He couldn't. We loved him with all our hearts and he never did anything to deserve such an end.

Beta whined once again, bringing me back to the present. My cheeks were stained with tears and my lips tasted like salt. I gave up on drying my eyes given that it was hopeless. New tears would wet them soon enough. Since Jacob wasn't with me right now, I could allow myself to cry openly. It hurt me so much to think that Billy was dead. We were very close and I couldn't even count the number of times he came for dinner and to watch games with Jacob, the hours spent teasing me because I didn't understand what was happening on the TV screen. Billy had always felt sad that his two girls moved away and he considered me more as a real daughter than just a daughter-in-law. His son marrying me really made him gain another daughter.

It was pretty hard to imagine that he would never come home for dinner or that we would never go to bonfires to hear him tell the legends. He always was the one telling them. Who was going to take on this task then? Billy was a part of La Push, he had never left and the small town was _his_ town. When I thought of Billy, La Push was the very first thing that came into my mind and I knew it was the same for lots of people. Things were going to be so different and I didn't want them to. I didn't want things to change. I simply couldn't process the fact that he was gone and that I would never see him again. I would never see his smile, never hear his laugh again. It was hard.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and stood up from my chair. I needed a distraction even though nothing would make me stop thinking about what had happened. I decided to concentrate on dinner. Jacob didn't eat last night but he didn't eat breakfast, either. I'd made him what he liked the best since I was aware that he must have been starving. He refused the plate I brought him. He did say thank you and then turned his back to me to face the wall. He hadn't left the bedroom at all. I knew he was exhausted and was trying to get some sleep yet nightmares were keeping him awake. I wished I could do something. I had to leave the bedroom at one point because it was absolutely killing me to watch Jacob tossing in bed, sweating and moaning in pain while I could do nothing to comfort him. I wanted him to try to eat something this afternoon, though. It wasn't good for him to deny his body what it was craving. So, I was making his favorite meal.

I was about to start the sauce for the pasta when the phone rang. The house was very silent and the sound made me jump. I hurried in the hallway to make the noise stop. If Jacob was sleeping I didn't want to be the one waking him up. I banged my foot onto the doorframe but managed to grab the receiver before it rang once again.

"Hello?" I whispered, mentally cursing my clumsiness and shaking my foot to make the pain go away.

"Bella? Hi, it's Beth. I'm sorry I haven't called in ages but I… I needed someone to talk to and you're the only one I thought of because…" She didn't finish her sentence and I heard some sniffling. Was she…was she crying?

"You know you can call me whenever you want, Beth. What's wrong?" She was crying but I was hoping that the problem was a minor one, nothing too important. I should have felt bad for thinking something like this but I couldn't really deal with more than one big drama at the same time. Trying to block out my pain when I was with Jacob had already drained me of most of my energy.

"It's Tom. I…I was in Los Angeles and I came home one day early and…it sounds like a bad movie but I…he's such a fucking bastard! He's…he's been cheating on me, Bella! I can't believe it! He's such a jerk!" More sniffling on the phone. I had to lean against the wall to prevent me from falling. I definitely wasn't expecting this at all.

I couldn't quite believe what Beth was saying, either. It seemed so unreal. Tom and Beth were a perfect match. She was an independent woman and she didn't let her guard down easily but Tom had managed to pass through all the barriers she had built around her life. More importantly, she'd allowed him to do so. I guess they didn't know where their relationship was going themselves, that is if they were going to get married or not, but I'd been pretty certain of one thing: they loved each other. In a different way than other people, sure. But it didn't lessen their feelings. So what had gone wrong? What happened?

"What? How? No, I mean…I'm sorry, Beth. Where are you?" My voice was trembling because of the tears that I was trying to contain in my eyes. I felt devastated and my heart was breaking a little for her.

"I'm at our apartment. I threw the fucker out." I knew Beth too well to miss the hesitation in her voice when she called him this. They had been together for too long for her to totally hate him. She felt betrayed and, knowing her, she probably hadn't even asked for an explanation. Not that an explanation would diminish the pain. Cheating wasn't something you could forgive so quickly. She had to talk with Tom but first, she needed to talk with someone else, someone who hadn't broken her trust. I was aware that she had called me with this purpose in mind. I felt awful for her so it was hard for me to deny her what she was asking for. I took a deep breath to give me some courage.

"Beth…listen. I'm really, really sorry for what I'm going to say. I know how it feels to have someone cheat on you so I wish I could be there for you. It doesn't mean I don't care for you because I truly do. The thing is…Jacob's father died yesterday and…" I'd been saying these three words in different ways over the past few hours yet each time was as hard as the previous one. Moreover, I felt bad for what I was doing so I paused for a few seconds, hoping that Beth wasn't going to be mad at me. The fact that she wasn't saying anything was making me worry.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed in my ear after a few seconds of silence during which she must have been processing the news. "I'm so sorry! I didn't know! I wouldn't have called if I'd known!"

"No, Beth. Don't apologize, please. You were right to call. I just wish I could talk to you because I know how you feel but right now, I have to focus on Jacob. He's not feeling very well." This was the understatement of the year, no doubt about this. "Do you have someone else you could call? I don't want to know you're all by yourself."

"I think I could call…Embry. It's still strange to talk to him but he always seems to find the right words. Yeah, I'm going to call him. Oh, wait! He's Jacob's best friend. He'll want to…"

"No!" I cut her off, relieved that she'd mentioned Embry because I hadn't wanted to. I didn't want to impose him on her. I knew they had been working on their relationship and talking quite a lot over the phone yet I had no clue of how close they had gotten. However, he really was the best person Beth could talk to. As long as Embry didn't decide to kill Tom, which sounded like something he was likely to do if someone had hurt his imprint, Beth should be fine.

"I mean, I think that Jacob needs to be left alone for the moment instead of being surrounded by crowds of people. You should call Embry. I simply wish I could be more helpful."

"Are you kidding, Bella? Your husband's dad just died. I don't have to be a genius to understand where your priorities lie." This time, Beth wasn't sniffling anymore. "Tell Jacob that I'm sorry for his loss and…thanks for listening. I…I can't understand what happened, though. Everything was perfectly fine between us and I came home and this…no. I'm sorry. I'm going to call Embry and I'm hanging up now. Go take care of Jacob, Bella. Bye."

"I'll call you later, Beth. I promise," I managed to say before she hung up. I rested my head against the wall, trying to keep my body upright. My legs were shaking badly and I knew I needed some time to recover from the news before moving again. Life could be so harsh sometimes. So unfair, too. Beth never did anything to deserve this. Not that anyone ever deserved to be cheated on, actually. I didn't know Tom that well but I liked him. Right now, all I could do was hate him for making my cousin suffer.

I took a deep breath before pushing myself away from the wall. I was going to go back to my cooking since it was the only thing I could do for the moment. Yet, I heard a knock on the door as I was almost in the kitchen. I was grateful that whoever was on the porch didn't use the doorbell. Like the noise from the phone, it would have woken Jacob up if he was asleep. I went to open the door to face Paul and Rachel. I barely suppressed the sigh of relief which was begging to be expressed. They were finally here. I didn't like what I was going to say even if it was necessary. I reached for Rachel to hug her closely.

"I'm so sorry…" I choked on my words. It was definitely too hard to say. She had lost her father so it didn't matter if I told her how sorry I was for her loss. I wasn't going to make the pain disappear. On the contrary, I would only remind her of it even more. Rachel hugged me back longer than usual until I realized we were still outside. I motioned for them to come inside. Rachel immediately asked to see Jacob while Paul and I went to the kitchen. He looked as sad as I was so I knew I wouldn't have to suffer from his jokes today. It was neither the right place nor the right time.

"How's Jacob doing?" I wasn't sure how to respond to this. I didn't think that Jacob would appreciate me going around and telling people how miserable he was. There was a reason why he hadn't allowed himself to cry in front of my students or the cops. He didn't want them to see how weak he was. I had to respect this.

"It's hard for everyone, I guess," I whispered, turning my back to Paul so he wouldn't notice my teary eyes.

"Yeah, I know. I've never really considered the fact that he would leave. Especially not this way," he sighed, voicing what I'd been thinking all along. I was about to reply something when we heard a loud thud and a door slamming shut. A few seconds later, a visibly shaken Rachel was in the kitchen with us.

"He threw me out. He said he didn't want to see me. Hmmpff. Oh. Are these the funeral papers? I have to do this." She pointed to the papers on the table then grabbed the whole bunch when I nodded to confirm and disappeared in the living room. I knew Jacob didn't want to have people seeing him cry but if he didn't want to see anyone at all, not even his sister, it might be a problem. He'd have to come out of the bedroom at one point. Rachel didn't look as devastated as Jacob was, though. Everyone was dealing with grief differently after all. She seemed to prefer to keep herself busy rather than crying endlessly which was what I felt like doing.

According to Paul, she hadn't shed a single tear since I called them the night before to tell them what had happened. He said that she just sat on the couch, staring at the phone, apparently shocked. It'd been kind of the same for Seth when Leah died. Sometime after the funeral, he confessed to me that he couldn't find the strength within himself to cry. She wouldn't have liked to see him in tears anyway. It didn't mean he wasn't sad. You didn't have to cry to be sad.

"When is Rebecca supposed to get here?" Paul asked after a moment of silence. I usually didn't like being in the same room as someone else without talking but today it felt okay. Not awkward. The situation asked for silence and we should only break it for important stuff. Besides, I wasn't very eager to start a conversation.

"Her plane is supposed to land in Seattle during the early evening. She should be at La Push before midnight. I can't thank your mother enough for offering to lodge her. We don't really have room here." I'd wanted his sister to stay with us so Jacob would have been able to talk to her and to, maybe, get more comfort but we didn't have a guest room and asking Rebecca to sleep on the couch was just plain rude. So, when Paul's mother said she had plenty of room to accommodate her son, her daughter-in-law and Rebecca, I'd been more than happy. I wouldn't have wanted her to stay at a hotel.

"It's all right. She's known the twins since they were little. And we have to stick together and help each other out during times like this."

Times like this. Times like this sucked. But it was a great relief to know that Jacob had more than two sisters in his family. He had the entire tribe to help him get through this. And even if he didn't want the help, they would always be there to support him. The tribe was a huge family and it was during _times like this_ that you could really see it. I hadn't been into town yet since I didn't want to leave Jacob alone but I was certain that Billy's death was the only topic of conversation. I had to grab the counter to stop the shaking when I thought of Billy being associated with death. Fortunately, I didn't cry, not that Paul would have minded actually. He was on the verge of tears himself, after all.

After another long pause when I did nothing but breathe loudly to get my emotions under control, Paul disappeared into the living room to go with Rachel. Even if she wanted to stay focused and busy, it wasn't good for her to be alone. He was better with her than with me. She may not realize it but she needed more comfort than I did. So now, the food was in the oven and I had nothing else to do but worry about Beth. I was seriously considering calling Embry to know if she had already talked to him before thinking that it had been less than fifteen minutes since her call. If they were on the phone, I wouldn't be able to reach him.

I was about to go ask if they needed help with the funeral papers when I heard a knock on the door once again. I had the feeling Charlie was going to be on the other side of the door and I wasn't mistaken. When I saw him, the first thing I noticed was his hand in Sue's. He looked like he was holding on to it for dear life. His face made me want to cry all over again. He had just lost his best friend. After Jacob, I knew Charlie would be the second person hit the hardest by our loss. Actually, my dad looked completely lost. His look was empty, as if he didn't see me, as if he didn't know where he was, as if he didn't want to be there. Sue looked quite sad, too. All of this must seem so familiar to her, in a bad way. Losing a member of her family, someone who was very close to her, she already lived through it not so long ago. I was sure that what was happening right now was bringing the pain of losing both her husband and her daughter in less than four months back at full force.

Just like with Rachel, I absolutely didn't know what to say to Charlie. Nothing could ease the pain for him, either, so I simply hugged him tightly, not surprised to find that for once, he responded to my embrace for a long minute before I let them inside. Both Sue and he looked very tired, as if they hadn't gotten any sleep at all.

"Rachel and Paul are here, too. I was about to serve us some lunch. Have you eaten yet?"

"No, but you don't have to cook anything, Bella."

"It's already cooked, Dad. I'll fix you something." What was up with them all not wanting not eat or not being hungry? Charlie was going to eat, whether he wanted it or not. As soon as they were settled in the living room, already catching up with Rachel on the funeral papers, I went to get the food. I was glad I had made plenty in case some people would show up. I put a huge portion on another plate and went to give it to Jacob. I knocked softly on the door but didn't hear anything in response. Even if I wanted to leave Jacob in peace, he had to eat at least a little bit so I opened the door.

"Go away." It's the only thing that Jacob said when I came into the room. It was certainly intended to come out angrily yet it turned out to be only a choked whisper. And it hurt. I wasn't going to lie. I'd thought that even though he didn't want to talk to his sister, he would tolerate me. I was the one who held him in my arms while he was crying the night before. I was the one who saw him at his weakest. After that, he should have known that he didn't have to be ashamed in front of me.

"I'm just bringing you food, Jake. I'm leaving now." I set the plate on the bedside table. It was rather dark inside since the lights were off and the curtains were blocking the afternoon light so I made sure to be careful, not wanting to make a mess. I didn't even have time to turn around to leave the room that I heard shuffling on the bed.

"Bella?" Jacob's voice had changed this time. It was still a whisper but I could hear hope in it, not anger. "I'm sorry I…I didn't know it was you."

"It's okay. I brought you something to eat. You should eat."

"I'm not hungry…but thanks." Without seeing his face, I could tell that he was sad whenever he spoke, no matter what he was saying. He couldn't hide it and I felt the sudden urge to hold him again. He shouldn't, couldn't, be alone with his thoughts and his pain. It was worse than anything else. What had I been thinking when I left the bedroom this morning?

I rushed to the bed to find out that Jacob was no longer lying down but rather sitting. I stepped between his open legs, hugging him as close as I could. His arms circled my waist and I cradled his face to my stomach.

"Bella…" he started before his voice cracked. He was sobbing, his body shaking against mine and I was glad he wasn't doing so by himself. It was breaking my heart a little bit more every minute to witness how devastated he was.

"Sshh…I'm here, Jake….Sshh." I didn't know what to say because he was Jacob and his father just died and Billy was the person he was the closest to._ I _couldn't even top the special relationship they had. His father died and nothing that I could say, nothing that everyone could say, was going to make it better for Jacob. So, like the night before, I shut up. _If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all._ It was one of the few things Renée kept repeating when I was a kid. I didn't want to open my mouth and say things that would hurt him more.

I stroked his hair, soothing it slowly, shushing him the whole time. The hand which wasn't in his hair was drawing circles on his back, hoping to give him some comfort. The tears didn't stop coming, though. They were literally soaking my sweater.

"Every time…every time I close my eyes…I see his face, Bells," Jacob said between choked breaths. "I see his face and I want it to stop because it hurts, it hurts so much." I had to bite my lip to prevent me from crying. I'd seen Jacob crying over Billy's death but it was the first time he'd talked to me about how he felt. My heart broke even more.

"And…and…and at the same time I don't want it to stop because I know it's…the only way for me to see him again. This is so unfair! I…I…I hate this. I hate everything. I hate what happened. I want it to stop."

"I know, sweetie. I know…" I was interrupted by the sound of a knock on the front door but this time I had no idea who it could be. I was conflicted; since it was my house, I had to greet our visitor. On the other hand, Jacob was breaking down in my arms (again) and I really couldn't bear to leave him right now. He must have sensed my hesitation because his hold on my waist tightened.

"Don't go, please. Don't leave me alone." He was begging for me to stay, looking at me with glistening eyes. Seeing the tears on his face did it. I couldn't keep mine hidden inside any longer. They started to silently flow down my cheeks.

"I'm staying with you, Jake. I'm staying." To prove it, I sat on his lap, bringing my face to his and covering it with kisses. I didn't know how to comfort him with words but I sure knew how to do it with actions.

"I feel like…I'm all alone. It's like…when he…left…he took something inside of me and I feel…empty. Sort of." Jacob was struggling to find the right words yet, his sobbing seemed to have lessened and his breathing wasn't as erratic as a few minutes before.

"You're not alone, Jake. I'm here. _We_ are here," I added when I saw his hand slightly grazing my stomach where he'd wet my clothes.

"I know. That's why I don't want you to leave because when you're with me, it's like I'm not as lost as I think. Don't leave me."

When he said this, I felt that while he was pleading with me not to leave the room, he was also asking me not to leave him at all. Not to leave him alone. Not to leave like his father did. He looked like a scared child and he really looked lost. He badly needed people to support him. Jacob, usually so strong and confident, was the one in need of some help.

"I'm staying, sweetie. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. They can take care of themselves," I whispered, wiping away the tears lingering on his cheeks with my hand. He leaned his face into it, sighing as his body slowly started to stop shaking.

"Who's here?" Jacob asked after a moment of silence. I was surprised he asked since his super-hearing should have indicated it to him already. But after all, he didn't recognize me either when I entered the room and our connection made this impossible under normal circumstances. His pain and his grief apparently affected all his abilities.

"Your sister with Paul and Charlie and Sue, too. They're going over the…funeral papers."

"Oh. I…I should…I can't do it, Bells. I can't look at it. I can't. I can't make these decisions." We all knew that. That's why nobody asked him and they silently agreed to decide things among themselves. Jacob may have been the closest person to Billy; discussing how to bury him wasn't something he could do. Because they had been _so_ close.

"It's okay. You don't have to. Don't worry about it. I'm sure they'll do it without you." He nodded before resting his head on my shoulder. My hand went back to soothing his hair. It was a gesture that always made me feel better and I hoped it could be the same for him.

"Who was on the phone earlier?" Jacob asked after a few minutes. It was so quiet that we could even hear the faint patting of the rain on the roof. He had spent the whole time tracing circles on my stomach, sighing at each little kick of the baby. I knew Billy had been thrilled about the baby and Jacob had been as ecstatic to become a father as he had been at the idea that his dad was going to be a grandfather. It was just another thing he was losing: the chance to see Billy interact with his grandchild, teaching him all he'd taught Jacob before.

He had stopped crying for now, as if my simple presence had a calming effect on him. If it meant that I had to stay with him for the rest of the afternoon, I would do it. Charlie had Sue, Rachel had Paul. Jacob needed me. I didn't want to bring up what was wrong with Beth because he didn't need to know yet. He didn't even know her as much as I did. He asked, though.

"Beth. Apparently, she walked in Tom cheating on her and she doesn't know what to do."

"Did she tell Embry?" This wasn't the first reaction I had expected. I thought he was going to say that Tom was a jerk, which was what was in my mind right now.

"Well…I told her that I couldn't stay on the phone for too long because of…and she said she was going to call Embry. Why? Do you think she shouldn't tell him?"

"I don't know. It's just that…even if it's not physically, Tom kind of hurt Embry's imprint and he could get angry and do…stuff." I didn't like what he said. Beth may hate Tom but she could also get really mad if Embry hurt him. It could destroy the fragile relationship they'd been trying to build. I didn't like the idea of Embry sulking and whining all day long because he lost his imprint.

"I have to call him. I can't have him doing something stupid he's going to regret." Jacob sighed at his own words. Calling Embry was what he had to do, not what he wanted to do. There was too much going on already. I didn't want him to take the responsibility of his friend.

"It's fine. I'll get someone else to do it for you."

"But they have to do it now! I…I don't want him to screw up again. Please, do it now." The look that Jacob threw me was so desperate that I knew at once that I couldn't argue with him. He wanted to be sure that Embry would behave. This way, he wouldn't have to worry about him anymore. I didn't want to leave the room. I didn't want to get up from Jacob's lap. I didn't want to leave him alone once again. I didn't want him to start crying while I was gone. The crying was inevitable but I'd prefer to be next to him to hold him, to wipe the tears away.

"Really, Bella, please," he pleaded as if he'd been reading my mind. His eyes were implying that he wanted me to stay but his voice was saying the opposite. "I'll be…" Fine? Okay? Whatever it was, it got stuck in his throat. He wasn't going to fine or okay. Not for a long time anyway. Instead of finishing his sentence, Jacob took my face in his hands until my lips crashed against his. The kiss wasn't gentle at all. Rather rough actually and, by the way his hand was now clutching my shoulder, I could feel his despair, as if he was holding on to me for fear of falling, for fear of losing me.

"Thanks…for not leaving, Bells. You don't even know how much I need you. I love you so much and I don't want you to leave, ever."His eyes were teary again and I knew that the second I'd be out of the room, the crying would resume. Once again, Jacob tried to control himself, loosening his grip on me and pushing me slightly away. "But you need to call Embry. Please."

So I kissed his forehead as he would do when trying to comfort me and I left. Not before reminding him to eat, though. It turned out that our visitor from earlier was Quil who had come in hope of helping his best friend. He understood that Jacob didn't want to see anyone. Since he was living with Embry, I explained all that had happened to Beth and what Jacob was afraid their friend could do. It didn't take long for Quil to go back to their apartment. Embry was there when he left and we hoped this hadn't changed.

Charlie and Rachel were deeply concentrated on the funeral papers. They were talking so low but also so fast that it was sometimes hard to understand what they were saying. I felt rather out of place, standing awkwardly in the doorframe. Paul and Sue weren't doing anything either but they were holding hands with the two others, something that I couldn't do. Besides, even if I was aware that it wasn't _that_ hot inside, I felt like that I was going to suffocate. They may have been focusing on material things and taking it very seriously, the grief, pain, and sorry emanating from all of them hung heavy in the air. I was going to cry some more if I stayed here.

I grabbed all the empty plates on the table and went to the kitchen to wash the dishes. It would give me time alone to breathe and try to think of something other than people in the next room planning Billy's funeral.

"Do you want some help with these, Bella?" Sue asked when she joined me. "I feel like I can't breathe in there," she added, pointing behind her. I nodded, happy to have some company and we settled into silence, me washing and her rinsing. It was as quiet in the kitchen as it was in the rest of the house. We could hear whispers from the living room but no one dared speak too loudly. When we were done, Sue started to turn around. I knew I surely wasn't going to like the answer to the question which was burning my lips.

"Does Charlie know…Do they know what happened yesterday?"

"It's too soon for them to be exactly sure about everything but…," Sue sighed and turned toward me to face me. Tears were in her eyes again. I wasn't going to like the answer at all. "They say that the fire must have started in the kitchen. Something with a curtain, I think. But he didn't…the fire didn't…kill…him. He broke his neck. Fell down the front steps."

That was it. I was going to be sick. I had imagined a lot of scenarios but nothing like this. I shouldn't have asked. My hand flew to my mouth and I sank down in a chair. My breathing was so heavy that it seemed to scare Sue who was kneeling in front of me in a matter of seconds.

"Breathe, Bella. Take a deep breath." She knew what she was doing, obviously, but my body was shaking so much with sobs and tears that I couldn't make myself calm down. What happened was just too awful. I jumped from my seat, unable to stop the heaviness in my stomach. I threw up in the sink, Sue just behind me, rubbing my back. She made sure that I was okay. I couldn't stop crying now. I had tried not to do so in front of Jacob and I didn't really succeed. But now, I couldn't stop doing so. Sue hugged me, exactly like a mother would do to comfort her child. I knew that was what Jacob needed the most. He needed someone he looked up to, someone who would hug him. He needed a mom. He couldn't have that because we were very well aware that he didn't have any parents anymore. He had lost his mom and his dad. The fact that he felt alone took on another, different meaning. No matter what I would do, I would never be able to fill the void in his heart. It made me even sadder to realize that.

Sue kept on hugging me until my tears slowly started to lessen. I felt safe in her arms and I didn't want to leave. She had always been like my second mother since Renée was living too far away for me to go to her every time I needed to talk. Because after all, there were some things that I didn't dare say to Seth. I wanted to stay right here but suddenly, Jacob's shouts exploded in the quiet house, startling the both of us.

"Fuck, Paul! I said I didn't want to see anyone! Why can't you understand? Leave me alone!" And then, the back door slammed shut. Jacob was apparently gone and I stood up, waiting for the howl that would say that he had phased. It looked like Sue was doing the same, as well as Rachel. Charlie didn't understand what was going on, though. It amazed me that, after all these years, he still didn't have a clue about the wolves especially while living in the same house as Seth. Charlie didn't really need to know because it meant that we would have had to tell him about vampires and all the other weird stuff. Besides, even if we had wanted to tell him, we couldn't have. The only people allowed in on the secret were the Elders, the wolves and their imprints. Charlie was none of the above.

We waited for a whole minute but we heard nothing. Jacob hadn't phased. In a sense, I was glad. They always said that being wolves meant that they didn't feel as many emotions as when they were humans, something that Jacob could have looked for in a situation like this one. But being a wolf for a few hours wasn't going to erase the pain once he phased back. It would only give him a break and a delay before grief crashed back on him. Delaying his grief would make it worse. Jacob seemed to have learned that after he phased yesterday, finding out that being human after he phased back was almost unbearable. Staying human was going to help him deal with his sorrow in a more natural way.

"What's wrong with him? I just wanted to ask a simple question!" Paul was fuming when he joined us all in the hallway. "I get it that he's sad and everything but it's not a reason to act like a jerk!"

"Don't talk about my brother like that. If he wants to be alone then let him be. You can't understand what's going on in his head so stop." Paul nodded slightly as if to apologize but it was clear that he was still mad at Jacob for shouting at him. I agreed with Rachel that we had to respect Jacob's whishes if he didn't want to see anyone yet I was worried about where he could be now. When he was in the bedroom at least I knew he was close and I could go to him if he needed me, especially since I was the only one he accepted to talk to. But he left and I had no idea where he went so I couldn't help him anymore. Not that the help I could provide was really great anyway.

"I'll try to see where he went," I decided, drying my eyes and turning around to get my coat next to the front door. "I don't like knowing that he's out there on his own. Don't worry, I'll be okay," I added for my father's sake when I saw the look on his face, as if he was afraid something would happen to me.

Once I was in the car, though, I didn't know where to start. There weren't a lot of places Jacob could go for comfort or to be alone. It was raining outside but that wasn't something that bothered him. He always said that he grew up with the rain and that it was as natural as it was to go to bed every night. He could be anywhere. I decided to try the cliffs since they were isolated and it was unlikely that other people would be over there. I tried all the spots I knew he liked but he wasn't at any of them.

Then, I realized that the one place Jacob always went to when he needed to calm down and be alone with his thoughts was his old garage, the one next to Billy's house. After what had just happened, I doubted that he was over there; it could only bring him more suffering. I had to be sure, though, so I drove back to the other side of town and finally came to a stop in front of what was left of the red house I used to know so well. It was a bigger shock to see it than it was to know what happened to it.

I was so used to the red house, the one which screamed home to me even if it wasn't really home. All that was in front of me was lots of burnt wood. The roof was down, the windows had apparently exploded under the heat of the fire. There was no way Jacob could have come back here. I didn't even want to get out of the car and walk to the house to confirm it but I had to. I took a deep breath while trying to keep the tears at bay once again. Seeing the house like this was breaking my heart a little bit more. We had lost Billy and we had lost a place which was very dear to us all. We couldn't even keep mementos of Jacob's father because almost everything had been destroyed. When I was certain that I wasn't going to break down again, I started walking towards the house, trying to ignore all the burnt debris surrounding me on the ground. It probably wasn't safe to go where I was heading to but I had to at least make sure nobody was here.

It was so silent that I could hear my steps when I walked on the gravel and up the wooden board the policemen or the firemen put on the front steps to get into the house. That's when I heard sobs coming from a room I had never entered once in my life: Billy's bedroom. I had been wrong. Jacob did come here.

"Jake? It's me. It's Bella," I whispered, knowing that he would hear me. I didn't want him to take off thinking it was someone else who had come after him. He didn't reply anything so I decided to keep on walking toward him. Everything inside the house was either reduced to ashes or was covered in grey dust. Everything looked devastated. I had a very vivid image in my head of how the living room I was standing in should look and it had nothing to do with what I could see right now. I couldn't quite believe what was in front of my eyes and all I wanted to do was turn around and go away. I didn't want to stay here but it had to be even worse for Jacob and I couldn't leave him here alone.

Bracing myself, I focused on opening the door keeping me from my husband. This had already been a very long day and it looked like it wasn't over yet. I didn't know how much more heartbreak I would be able to take before ending up like Jacob was, curled up on the floor beside his father's bed, crying and shivering. His eyes were closed and I thought he hadn't heard me at all until I sank down on the floor next to him and he rested his head on my lap, just like a little child would do.

"I'm sorry I left like that but I…I don't want people to…see me like this. I just want them to leave me alone," Jacob managed to say between sobs, his hand clutching my knee.

"You don't have to apologize. They'll understand. They know how you feel and they won't hold it against you."

"But I'm glad you came. I knew you'd come, I knew you'd find me." He suddenly sat upright, sending the hand that was in his hair falling back to my side before he hugged me so tight that I couldn't breathe for a few seconds. I didn't mind and after a minute he loosened his grip to a simple hug. He didn't break the embrace but kept on crying, on my shoulder this time. Every single one of his tears sent pain directly to my heart. I was aware that Jacob was so much more hurt by his father's death than any of us and there was nothing I could do to make him stop crying and I hated it. I hated that all I could do was hold him and be next to him. I couldn't find the right words that would end his grief.

"Look at this mess! Look at…look at the house!" he exclaimed, gesturing around us. "There's nothing left. Nothing! And it's my fault! If I….If I hadn't gone to Port Angeles…If I'd arrived in time, none of this would have happened and he…he…"

"Look at me, Jake. Look at me." I pulled away from him so I could see his face. He couldn't think like this. It wasn't his fault. It was nobody's fault. This was a disaster but life happened sometimes and there was nothing we could do about it. It sucked but it was the truth. I finally got Jacob to look me in the eyes, just to see all the tears rolling down his cheeks from his red eyes and the pain written all over his face. The guilt, too. The guilt that he could, maybe, have saved Billy. We would never know about this and he couldn't keep thinking about it. It was going to destroy him even more. I tried to wipe off the tears but they kept on coming so it was of no use.

"This is not your fault, Jake. You can't know what would have happened and you can't blame yourself. It's not your fault. Please, don't do this to yourself."

"I should have been here! I should have been here to save him!"

"Jake. Listen to me. This is not your fault and you can't say this. You can't blame yourself," I repeated, looking directly in his eyes while he was trying to avoid my stare. He had to understand. "This is something you don't have any power over. You know how much I blamed myself at Thanksgiving and how much I thought everything was my fault because I'm so clumsy and I could have lost the baby. You told me it wasn't my fault. You can't feel guilty for something you have no power over."

"But I miss him so much! It's only been one day and I miss him like hell. You didn't lose the baby, thank God, but I'm never going to see Billy again, Bella! He was all I had left and he _left_! He left and I don't know what to do and I miss him and it's my fault." Jacob choked on his words, burying his head on my shoulder once again. His hand landed on my stomach, stroking as to be sure that the baby was still inside of me.

As always, I didn't know what to respond to this. All I could do was hold him and soothe him the best that I could but it would never make his father come back. It would never erase the feeling that something, someone was missing from his life and wasn't coming back at all.

"I know you are hurting, Jake. Hurting so much that I can't even begin to imagine it and I wish, I really wish that I could make everything go away. I wish I could know what to tell you to make you feel better and it's killing me because I can't. I see you like this and all I want is to comfort you but I can't. I can't make everything better but trust me, sweetie. Blaming yourself for your dad's death is not going to help, either. It's only going to make it worse. I don't want you to feel bad because it is _not_ your fault. Do you understand? It's _not_ your fault."

Jacob didn't respond anything to this. I think he wasn't convinced but I was surprised at how easy it'd been, all of a sudden, to talk to him. I'd been struggling for hours to find the right words to say. Even if I didn't say anything comforting, it wasn't as difficult to tell him that I felt hopeless when facing his grief. Maybe all I needed was to stay next to him and words would finally come out of me. What we needed was time. What Jacob needed was time. Only time would lessen the pain. It was true for everyone and it was also true for him. It was going to take a long, long time before things look somewhat okay again. It was breaking my heart but for now, all I could do was be here, next to Jacob to support him and see him grieve.

* * *

Even if the song is by Michael Jackson, I listened to a cover made by the 2009 X-Factor finalists. You can listen to it here: http:/ / www (.) youtube (.) com/watch?v=05M7TyzofGg

Also, the Kangaroo is nominated in The Underdogs Awards for **Moment That Makes You Realize You Were Actually Dead All Along And The Kid Just Has A Sixth Sense **(aka Jacob imprinting on Bella as far as my fic is concerned). So if you think that I deserve to win or something like that, don't hesitate to vote. You have until 8/13: http:/ / community(.) livejournal(.) com/theair_thesun/88286 (.) html#cutid1

I was bored a few days ago and with the help of a friend, I set up my own author blog. It's kind of empty right now but I put a teaser for this very chapter last week and if you're following my crazy self on Twitter you know about it. I'll put a teaser for every chapter on my blog a few days before posting since I think that I'm going to post on FF first instead of on Twi'd now: http:/ / mellyfrisco6 (.) blogspot (.) com/

Last thing. Some friends and myself have launched a new contest last week. It's anonymous so I don't want to hear anything back from you if you're interested in it (expect if it's to ask questions on the contest profile page) but it's all about mixing Twilight and History and I'm sure you could find some inspiration for it. If you think that some of the people you know would be interested or if you want to give it a shot, don't forget to check the contest page: http:/ / www (.) fanfiction (.) net/u/2402180/

**Chapter 29: This Isn't Goodbye**

**"I know but…I…it hurts so much to know that he's gone and going will only make it more final and…Bells. I don't want him to be gone." More tears on her dress.**


	31. Chapter 29

First, I wanted to let you know that, finally, I graduated! Yep, I did. I didn't get my final grades so I'm not sure how good I did but my teacher sent me an e-mail saying that I graduated so it's enough for now.

Second, thank you to everyone who voted in **The Underdogs **because _Dealing With The Kangaroo _placed 2nd in Moment **That Makes You Realize You Were Actually Dead All Along And The Kid Just Has A Sixth Sense**.

Finally, I need to thank a couple of people who helped on this chapter. **Bloodofbeckie**, for sorting out some funeral details and **jkane180** for finding a very cute nickname for Jacob.

And before I forget, I based the Quileute ceremony on some info I found on the Internet but most of it is the result of my imagination. I tried to make it into something plausible even if it's not the real way the Quileute tribe does it.

Disclaimer: I still own nothing. It's annoying but it's the way it is.

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**Chapter 29 This isn't good bye. **

_**Jacob's POV**_

_**Monday, January 19th.**_

The house was unusually quiet. It had been full of people inside for the past few days but right now it was only Bella and I. Everyone had tried not to speak too loud as if there was a body in there and they didn't want to disturb the one who was dead. It wasn't the case and I knew they had only been acting like this out of respect for Billy. I couldn't help the sigh which escaped my lips at this thought. It had been four days already but the pain was still as strong as when I found out that he was dead. And I couldn't believe it. Nothing could make me believe it. It felt like I was out of my body, watching life going on around me. Watching people make arrangements for something I didn't want to attend. Something they shouldn't have to worry about because it shouldn't be happening today.

I thought I was a tough guy and I never cried. What had happened to me, to all of us, was simply too great to count as something normal. It wasn't; so I had every reason to cry my eyes out every night. It wasn't as if I could stop anyway. Every time I tried to stay calm for more than a few hours, I started to choke, like I needed air, and I ended up crying. Every time. But right now, it was silent tears which were rolling down my cheeks. This way, Bella didn't notice them and it made me feel a little better for her. She was enduring everything strongly even if I knew that she was as devastated as I was. She was putting on a brave face for me when she must have wanted to cry, too. She didn't know what to say, or what to do, to comfort me and it was driving her crazy. She didn't need to do more than what she was doing. She was here, next to me all the time and for now, it was enough to keep me together.

I focused on the light rain outside the window. It wasn't likely to keep on raining since the sun was shining at the same time. We may even get a rainbow. We didn't get lots of these but I knew that Billy used to love them. My Dad loved everything related to nature. He never complained about rain. On the contrary, he welcomed it like a gift. He loved the forest, he loved the beach, he loved the cliffs, he loved the ocean. He loved the rivers where he used to go fishing with Charlie. He loved La Push just like I did. He was the one who made me love it so much. He did so much for me without even realizing it. Without me realizing most of it. Now that all I could think of was him, it came to me. I was the person that I am it was thanks to him. He shaped me and even when he couldn't do anything to help me, especially when I started phasing and he had never had that experience, he was always there, supporting me. I couldn't have made it this far without him by my side. We comforted each other when my mom died, when Harry died, when Leah died. But now _he_ was dead. He had joined the other people who had left us before and he wasn't here to help me through it.

I was totally lost without him. I honestly had no idea what my life would look like, empty of his presence, of his quiet laughter. He was irreplaceable. I sighed once again, wiping the tears away from my face. The dog whined next to me. I forced myself to look down at it in the attempt to think of something else than my father for a few seconds. This dog was intelligent, I had to give it credit for this. It knew exactly when I was sad and, apparently, it was trying to comfort me. It wasn't likely to succeed but I started to stroke its head, its presence warming me a little bit. I hated being with people because I could see their pity written all over their faces and I didn't want it. I preferred to be alone; yet, when I was, my thoughts assailed me, which was sometimes harder than people staring at me. The only one I tolerated was Bella since she was like the sun in my life. She couldn't push the heavy clouds of Billy's death away but having her next to me made me feel like it was a bit easier. Maybe it was because she was my imprint. I don't know. I didn't want to know. She made it easier, somehow, and it was enough for me.

I could hear her talking on the phone. She was in the bedroom, surely thinking that she was giving me space or wanting to leave me alone knowing that we were going to be surrounded by people in less than one hour. She was so thoughtful and I loved her so much. I'm sure that she had no idea how much she was doing for me. She thought she was useless because she couldn't make the pain go away. She couldn't have been more wrong. She was the anchor keeping me whole and preventing me from losing it totally. I could have discerned what she was saying if I'd been paying more attention but paying attention wasn't something I felt like doing these days. I preferred to stay focused on my thoughts since trying to listen to other people's conversations was likely to make me angry. They seemed to only talk about Billy and how terrible his loss was. Of course it was! It was more than terrible, it was devastating but they couldn't understand the extent of this. They were clueless and they thought that talking to me would make me feel better. Idiots. Nothing could make me feel better.

"Hey," a quiet voice brought me back from my thoughts. Bella was back in the room. I hadn't noticed that she'd stopped talking on the phone. Told you: I wasn't paying much attention these days. I took a deep breath, trying to keep the tears in my eyes before turning around to face her. I had only seen her in her pajamas this morning but now, she was dressed to go out. What she was wearing broke my heart a little bit more.

"When I bought you this dress, I sure didn't think you would wear it for something like this," I sighed. She was wearing the black dress I bought her for Christmas. The one it took me so long to choose because I wanted to find one that she would like. Billy had said that he liked this dress. And now, Bella was going to wear it for his funeral. She dropped her head, as if she was ashamed, before walking toward me to give me a hug. It seemed like we were constantly hugging. I enjoyed the feeling of her body pressed against mine. It made me feel safe to know that she was so close to me. She was the second most important person in my life and I didn't want to let go of her. I'd always said that Bella was the most important person for me and surely she was, but losing my father made me realize that he had had a bigger place in my life than what I'd imagined.

"I wish I could wear something else but it's the only black thing I have. The only black thing which fits, that is. I'm sorry," she apologized, smoothing the black jacket I was wearing.

"Don't be. It's not your fault. You look lovely and he would have loved seeing you in it."

"Renée says she's sorry she can't make it today. She had something really important come up at work and she can't miss it. But she asked me to do this." Bella stood on her tip-toes until she reached my face and kissed my cheek lightly. It was just a little gesture but it meant so much to me. I tilted my head and reached for her lips. She didn't complain, giving in to the kiss. It was sweet and slow. It was exactly what I needed. I needed to feel close to Bella, to focus on something real to keep my mind away from the funeral. We would have to leave in a few minutes to face the crowd of people which was obviously going to join us at the graveyard. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to see them.

"Bells? I don't think I…I don't think I can go," I whispered when she pulled away to breathe. Her eyes widened, but behind the sadness and the surprise, there was understanding in them. She started to stroke my cheeks, soothing the worry lines on my forehead. "It's just…too hard. Everybody will be looking at me and I can't…I can't stand it. They don't know how I feel and…"

"I know, sweetie. I understand what you mean." The simple fact of talking about it out loud made me cry again. I'd thought I could keep the tears at bay for a few minutes to give us both some rest but it wasn't going to happen. Hearing myself say the words, talk about my fears and that I didn't want people to see how was weak I was, made me sob all over again. It was hopeless. Even if I wanted to go out of this house, I couldn't do so if I was crying. I couldn't let people see me crying. I was supposed to be stronger than this.

Before I realized it, Bella and I were sitting on the couch and my head was on her shoulder while she was shushing me, soothing my back like she had so many times this weekend. She was acting like she would to comfort a child and I definitely felt like one. I was in desperate need of someone comforting me. How on Earth would I be able to spend a couple of hours out with people if I was going to break down every five minutes?

"I know you don't want people to see you like this. And I know that you feel like they pity you but they are as sad as you are. They want to pay homage to Billy and they don't gather just to look at you. They'll understand if you cry."

"I know but…I…it hurts so much to know that he's gone and going will only make it more final and…Bells. I don't want him to be gone." More tears spilled on her dress. She didn't seem to care.

"Of course you don't, sweetie. Nobody wants him to be gone. I don't want him to be gone. I miss him so much. I understand if you don't want to come but listen, Jake. This is a way to say good bye. We're going to say good bye and let him rest in peace. It's fine if you don't say anything but I'm sure you're going to regret it later if you don't come and say good bye today." She was so right. Bella always knew what to say. Even if we were having two ceremonies and that the second one tonight was more meaningful for me, the one happening this morning was the one when we would be burying Billy's body. As much as I didn't want to see it happen, I had to be there. He wouldn't like it if his son was so stubborn that he wasn't even there to say good bye. It was going to hurt but I had to do this. I had to go.

I didn't think I had the strength to talk again without crying so I simply nodded. Bella cradled my face in her hands before kissing my cheek, taking the remaining tears with her. I wasn't quite ready to go, though, since my tie wasn't done yet. I didn't know how to do it. The only time I tried was for Leah's funeral and I ended up shredding the cloth. Billy was the one who usually tied it for me. I took a very long, deep breath and had to close my eyes to make the thought go away. I was done crying for now. Everything was going to remind me of him but I had to be strong.

"Here, let me do it," Bella offered when she saw me fighting against the tie. In a matter of seconds, I was presentable. She soothed my jacket once again when we stood, along with her own dress, before trying to tame my hair a little bit more. I should have worn it in a ponytail because it would have looked tidier; yet, my hair was a good ally when I needed to hide my face. It was staying like it was, flooding down to my shoulders.

Without saying anything more, I took Bella's hand in mine to leave the house. I really didn't want to leave but Bella was right. I would regret it if I didn't go. It seemed to be a silent agreement between us since last Friday that she would be the one driving me around, as if she didn't want to put too much on me. Driving would have been an escape as I'd have to focus on the road instead of on my father. I didn't protest, though, because she was doing it for me and I knew that she often complained about the fact that I was the one always driving.

I'd been right about the rain. By the time we reached the graveyard, it had stopped and the sun was shining brightly through the clouds. There were lots of cars parked on the side of the road which made me slump back in my seat and cringe. People. A lot of people. They weren't necessarily here for me, they surely weren't actually, but they would be watching me as well as Rachel and Rebecca. We were three kids who'd lost their dad so we would attract the attention. I didn't want to. Bella noticed my reluctance to get out of the car and grabbed my hand, squeezing it in support.

"I'm here, Jake. I'm not leaving you alone. I promise. This is for your dad, don't forget that." I nodded again, not having spoken a word since we left our living room. Before stepping outside, I rummaged through the glove compartment. I had the vague memory of a pair of sunglasses in there from when I drove and the sun was distracting me. It didn't happen a lot, granted, but today, they would come in handy. I didn't care if people thought I was weird for wearing shades. This way, they wouldn't see my eyes and even if I was on the verge of crying, they wouldn't notice it. It made me feel a little better.

The graveyard in La Push was small, just like the town, and it was crowded this morning. It took all I had to cling to Bella's hand and not turn around to go back home. If it wasn't for her I would have done so already. I spotted my sisters next to each other. They both gave me a hug when we reached them, their warmth reminding me of our mom. I was aware that eyes were on the three of us but, right here, next to them, next to Bella, I didn't mind as much as I thought. I was going to say good bye and it was going to be hard but I would focus on that, only on that. I would tune out everyone else.

I sat down in my seat, trying not to look at the coffin set right in front of me. It was already closed and it was simple. Nothing fancy. First because we couldn't afford it; but mainly because Billy wouldn't have wanted anything fancy. He had led a simple life; this coffin suited him. I knew nothing of the arrangements which had been made. I didn't know what the ceremony was supposed to be. I couldn't bring myself to even look at the funeral papers. Being here, though, watching it happen, made it more difficult to bear. It was real. It wasn't something my mind was trying to elude.

The minister started talking soon after we were all settled. He talked about Billy, how he lived, who he was, as a reminder to everyone present of the person he had been. Behind the kind words he was reciting I could discern the way Bella wrote. I read drafts for her novel and it sounded like something she could come up with. She was incredible. She did so much without me being aware of it. I squeezed her waist to thank her and she turned her head toward me to give me a small smile. She'd known the precise words to describe my father, the kind and loving person he was.

It rapidly began to make me think of my memories with Billy. I knew that was the point. Even though my memories were happy ones, they only brought tears in my eyes. Again. I had to bite my lip to prevent them from rolling down my cheeks. I was acting like a girl, crying all the time. I tried to stop listening to the minister, preferring to scan the crowd to see who had come. It looked like the entire population of La Push was here. It wasn't a surprise since Billy was a member of the Tribal Council, almost the most important one. The pack was here, too, at a distance from me and my family. They weren't family in the strict sense of the term although in my heart, they truly were my brothers. They were all there, even Embry.

The problem with Beth had only added to the list of troubles assailing me this weekend. Nothing could top the loss of my dad but as the Alpha of the pack, I had to make sure that Embry didn't do anything stupid. I didn't get all the details because I couldn't really concentrate on anything else than grieving. I'd wanted to. I'd wanted to focus on Embry. I would've even been grateful if he'd fucked up because it would have taken my mind away from the funeral. I'd wanted to call him myself but I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to talk to someone else than Bella. Every time I talked, it seemed that I ended up crying and I didn't want people to see me crying. I had my pride.

I didn't say anything but I'd even wanted Embry to hurt Tom because the jerk deserved it. No woman deserved to be cheated on, no matter how bad the relationship had gotten and they would have broken up anyway. I didn't know a lot about Beth and Tom's relationship but even if they were close to the break up, she shouldn't have had to walk in her boyfriend cheating. Cheating wasn't acceptable in my book. Fortunately for Beth's relationship with Embry, the idea of hurting Tom didn't cross his mind. He focused on her being sad and betrayed, trying to do what was in his power to console her. And he was here today, in the graveyard, because she had insisted on it. She'd wanted him to be there for me. I'd have to thank her for that. Embry was my best friend and although I didn't plan on talking to anyone today, I liked seeing him here.

There was some shuffling next to me, announcing that Rachel was standing up to move in front of everyone. She had a folded piece of paper in her shaking hand. She was really brave to be able to say something because I knew it wasn't likely to happen in my case. One word and the tears would spill, I was sure of it. She took a deep breath and starting reading what sounded like a poem.

"Remember me when I am gone away, gone far away into the silent land, when you can no more hold me by the hand…" Her voice was shaking so much that I didn't see how she would manage to get to the end of the piece. Bella had told me that Rachel looked unaffected by our loss but Bella didn't see how Rachel was when our mom died. She didn't shed a tear. Not a single one. She'd looked as if she'd gone into shock for the first few days before breaking down in front of everyone at church. I remembered Rachel bursting into tears and racing down the aisle to get out of the building, Sue rushing after her. She cried for hours after that. It was the same right now, only this time, she managed to restrain herself. This time she was thirteen years older, after all.

"Yet, if you should forget me for a while, and afterwards remember, do not grieve…" Three seats to my right, Rebecca was crying, trying to hide her sobs in her hands. I felt bad for her. She was all alone here. I had Bella and Rachel had Paul but my other sister had had to come alone. Sue had her arm around Rebecca's shoulders for comfort but it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. No one could provide the kind of comfort we were seeking because no one was the right person. We'd had our father when we lost our mom and now that we'd lost our father we needed our mom to tell us that we were going to make it through, that we would, somehow, succeed in living life again. We didn't have a mom and we didn't have a dad either. We were alone and it hurt.

"Better by far you should forget and smile, than that you should remember and be sad." Rachel finished reading with a big sigh and whispered an "I love you" toward the coffin before making her way back to her seat. I'd been selfish to think about me and about the fact that people would look at me and embarrass me. I clearly wasn't the only one devastated by the loss and the void left by Billy. I reached for my sister to give her a hug as she was about to sit down next to me. She was sobbing on my shoulder when everybody around us stood up. That was it. Good bye.

I can't do it. Everybody was lining up to get a flower to put on the coffin. I couldn't do it. Not in front of them. Rachel dried her eyes before turning to Paul for support. Bella stood up as well, looking for my hand but they were both balled into fists at my sides. I was shaking, not in anger, though. I didn't want to say good bye in front of everyone. I knew I had to. I had to say good bye. It was the whole point of me being here in the first place, of me going through the suffering of watching the coffin and seeing people crying over Billy's death. I couldn't do it. It was too hard. Too painful. I was going to cry. Not in front of them. I was being such a girl. It seemed that I couldn't keep the tears at bay.

The moment they started to put their flower on the coffin, I knew I wasn't going to be able to do the same. I couldn't say good bye because I didn't want it to be final. I didn't want to forget about my father like the poem Rachel just recited said. I didn't want to forget about him and go on with my life. Maybe the others were going to do exactly this; place a flower, cry a little bit more and go on with their lives. Every single violet flower, every one of them, narrowed the time I had left with my dad, even if it was just watching a coffin. He shouldn't be in it in the first place because he shouldn't be dead and I didn't want to see it disappear. If it disappeared, it would take away everything I had left. I didn't think I could take it. I couldn't bring myself to put a flower on this coffin since it would be like I was a part of the people who put my dad away.

This was going to attract even more attention to me but right now; I didn't really care. I felt Bella's hand trying to grip mine to get me to move. Slowly, I turned my head toward her and I knew she could see the tears even though I was wearing sunglasses.

"I can't…I'm sorry, Bells. I can't," I whispered, only for her to hear. She nodded slightly before letting go of my hand. She must have thought that I just meant that I couldn't go to the coffin because I heard her gasp when I started to walk away from the whole funeral ceremony. I was aware of the stares on my back so I just walked faster until I was far enough away from the graveyard. I needed to be alone. Again.

I finally reached the beach, which was deserted for once, and I got rid of the sunglasses, kicking them angrily. They landed a few feet from where I was standing but I didn't move to get them. I didn't need them anymore since I was by myself and no one would see my tears. I was extremely sad but also very angry with all those people. How could they think about saying good bye and then go back to living their lives as if nothing had happened? They would keep on talking about Billy for a time but, eventually, they would stop and there would be days when they wouldn't even think about him. That wouldn't do. I didn't want to stop thinking about him. I couldn't. I couldn't stop thinking about him because he was my dad and I loved him so much. All the others just didn't understand how I felt.

"Dammit! Why did you have to leave? You can't leave!" I shouted to no one in particular, punching the tree next to me. I didn't feel anything when I did it. I'd been fighting the urge to phase for days. It had been too painful when I did right after I found out what had happened and I didn't want to go through that kind of hurt again. But a part of me wanted to escape the pain and the grief for a little while. I couldn't bring myself to finally do so, knowing that I would feel even more devastated afterwards. All this anger was channeled on the tree right now. I hit it, again and again, the tears blurring my vision as bark flew all around me under the force of my punches.

"Why did you leave? I need you! I love you and you left! You left!" I had no idea how long I stood there, punching the tree. It felt good to do so, good to direct my feelings to something inanimate. Something which couldn't answer to tell me lies. Lies about how the pain would finally go away. It wouldn't go away. It hurt so much and it was my _dad_. How could I ever go on living without him?

"Just like we did when Mom died," I heard someone say behind me. Had I just talked out loud? It looked like I did. For one split second, I thought about asking her to leave me alone but she was my sister and she was there. She had come to find me, she had come all the way from Hawaii and we didn't really get a chance to talk before. I felt her hand on my back, which stilled my actions. My shoulders slumped a little and I finally turned around to face her. She wasn't alone; Rachel had come with her. And there were tears in their eyes. I was so selfish. I only cared about how I felt when it was clear that they were suffering as much as I was.

Before I knew it, I was sitting on the wet sand, Rebecca's arms around me and we were both sobbing. She was cradling my head just like my mom used to do and she had brought back memories by mentioning her. My Dad had left, exactly the way my Mom did and I was feeling so alone even if I wasn't. My sisters were here. Besides, Rebecca was a mom herself so she knew what she was doing while she tried to comfort me. It simply didn't work.

"But…we had Dad when Mom left and now…now…he's not even here anymore and we have no one left. And I don't…I don't know…"

"Sshh. Calm down, Jake. Calm down." This time it was Rachel talking as she sat down next to us, her hand soothing my back. I didn't finish my sentence because I was choking on my words. I couldn't breathe. I was crying so much and in front of people who hadn't seen me cry before. I decided that I didn't care. They were my sisters and they knew what I was going through because they were going through the same thing. It was hard to breathe, though. I was clinging to Rebecca's arm, afraid that if I let go, she would leave, too. She was bound to leave, going back to where she lived, but now, I wanted to hold her as close as I could.

"It hurts so much! It's like my heart…my heart is breaking all over again every time I think that…I think that…we'll never see him again."

"It's like something's missing inside. But we are here, right? We aren't really alone." Rachel was voicing so perfectly what I was feeling. Something huge was missing. Something which couldn't be replaced. I nodded reluctantly, acknowledging the fact that my sisters would be here if I needed someone. Of course, we didn't have our parents anymore but we had each other and we would stick together.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry but I can't stop crying. Every time I try, it only gets worse."

"You don't have to apologize for crying, Jake. It's totally normal," Rebecca whispered, rocking me while Rachel was still soothing my back. They were my big sisters and, for the first time in my life, I realized that I needed them more than I'd imagined. I'd always resented them for going away, for leaving Billy and me alone but deep inside, I'd always missed them. Terribly. We didn't talk a lot more and the only sound apart from the waves lapping on the beach behind us was Rebecca's voice, telling me over and over that it was okay to cry, okay to be sad. There was an edge in her voice which reminded me of our mother and this, combined with the warmth of her embrace, made me think that it really was my mom holding me.

"I miss him but I miss Mom and…I miss you, too. You all…you all leave me!"

"Oh, Jake! I'm not leaving you!" Rebecca exclaimed as I clutched her arm a little bit harder as if to keep her next to me. "I know I live far away but I will always be there for you and Rach will be, too. Please, don't think like that. Jakey…Jakey-baby…" She made me gasp for air once again. She'd used the nickname that only my mom used. And her saying this suddenly made me feel a lot better. I couldn't explain why but not everyone knew of childhood memories like this one. Rebecca knew it, which meant that she was right, that no matter the distance between us, she would always be there for me.

"They may be gone from Earth but they are still here," she kept on talking, brushing the hair out of my face. "They are still looking after us, after you, from above. They will never leave. And I won't, either. I promise. I love you."

"I love you, too. Both of you," I said after a while. I grabbed their arms to bring them into a hug and we ended up in a weird embrace, the three of us holding onto each other, sitting on a beach. Rebecca had found the right words to make me feel a bit better. I didn't want to see my father go away so if what she just said was correct, he was still going to be here with me, somehow. I didn't really have to say good bye. Maybe I could go back to the graveyard and manage to get that flower on the coffin. It didn't have to be final anymore. It could only be a way to say that I was thinking about him, that I hadn't forgotten him.

"I need to go back. But thanks. Thanks for…just being here." We hugged one last time before I finally stood up to walk back to the graveyard. I had no idea how long I'd been gone but I hoped that people would have left by then. What I was going to do was private so I didn't want an audience. Thankfully, it looked like my prayers had been heard because the place was deserted. The coffin was still there, covered in flowers but there wasn't anyone left. I remembered hearing something about going to the Community Center after the ceremony and I assumed that's where they all were.

There wasn't a flower left for me but I was fine with that. I just stood next to the coffin, wondering what I could do. I was afraid that being so close to it I would end up crying again. Especially when I noticed that dates were written on the gravestone. Dates which weren't there before. I took a deep breath, deciding that my dad wouldn't want to see me crying, again.

"Hey. It's me." Talking out loud seemed to be the best option I had. It was weird, as if I was talking to myself. Besides, there wasn't anyone else with me and even hearing my own voice sounded weird. I took a step forward, my hands deep inside the pockets of my pants. I had no idea what to do with them. "I'm sorry I left like that. I just didn't want people to see me crying. You know how I hate crying. But I didn't want to say good bye, either. I may be selfish but Dad…really. I don't want you to be gone." It was getting harder to keep the tears away. I was getting very bad at holding them inside. I took a deep breath, not exactly sure of what I was doing here and what else I had to say.

"It hurts to know that I will never see you again. Never talk to you again. I love you so much. I hadn't realized how much I loved you before losing you and I hate myself for not saying it to you enough. I love you, Dad. People think that I need to say good bye but I don't want to. I don't want to because then, it means that you're gone for good. Becca told me that you're still here and I want to believe her. I want to believe that you're here, somewhere, looking after me. And that you're with Mom. I'm kind of jealous of you because of that."

It actually felt good to say all these things out loud instead of keeping them to myself. It was hard to keep my voice steady and my eyes dry but the more I talked, the more comfortable I became. We never really talked with Billy. We didn't have this sort of relationship. Of course we were close but talking and feelings weren't one of our best assets. He would have certainly beaten the crap out of me for sounding so weak yet, deep in his heart, he'd understand.

"So, I guess I won't say good bye. This isn't good bye, you can count on this. I'll come so often that you'll get tired of me. I'll come and it'll be as if you're not really gone. And I know I sound like a girl but it hurts so much that I need to keep you with me a little bit longer. I guess…I guess I'll see you around then, okay?"

I quickly brushed my hand against the side of the coffin, which made the tears I thought were gone come back as soon as I stopped talking. Fighting them was hopeless since it only tired me out. I was extremely tired and not being able to sleep at night wasn't the sole reason for that. The simple fact of almost witnessing Billy's death had me shuddering for hours. If only I'd arrived one hour, half an hour before maybe I could have done something. Maybe I could have saved him and today would be a normal day. No matter what Bella would say, it didn't change the fact that I should have been at my dad's house earlier than I was. If this had been the case, I could have changed everything. I felt so guilty because it was my fault. It was my fault.

I heard some noise down the aisle where I stood, causing me to wipe the tears away from my face. I straightened my face, cursing myself for forgetting the sunglasses at the beach. I pondered leaving again so whoever was there wouldn't see me but at one point or another, I'd have to face people again. I turned around to see that Seth was kneeling next to his father's grave a few feet away from me. I'd been very selfish to think that no one else but me was affected by Billy's death when clearly, my sisters were both as devastated as I was. They were here to help me but I realized that Seth could actually help me, too. I didn't like asking for help or showing my weaknesses. On the other hand, Seth knew what I was going through since he lost his dad just like I did. I didn't want to interrupt whatever it was that he was doing so I waited next to my parents' grave. This thought brought tears again and I had to take very deep breaths to make them go away.

Finally, Seth stood up and I swear I saw him wipe his face. I definitely wasn't the only one in a difficult situation.

"Seth," I called out, walking toward him. He turned around, surprised to either see me or to hear me. I hadn't talked to anyone other than Bella in days so I could understand his reaction. "I just wanted to ask. Does it ever go away? The emptiness? It's like…like a stab in my chest over and over again and I hate it."

"It doesn't really go away," he said after a few minutes. "It's your _dad_ and you need him. Trust me. I didn't think I needed my dad so badly before he died. I was fifteen and I was an idiot at the time but, the moment I lost him, that's the moment I realized how much he meant to me. Nobody can replace him. You'll feel better throughout the years, but, no. You'll always feel like you're missing something."

"It hurts. I thought I was finally accepting that my mom would never be here again and _bam_. It feels like it'll never be better again."

"It will. Believe me; I know what I'm talking about. It won't go away by itself, though. I had my mom and I had Charlie. And Bella. You need people or you will never see the end of the tunnel. I understand that you want to be left alone because it was the same for me, especially because it was my fault but…"

Oh, I had totally forgotten about that. Leah and Seth always blamed themselves for their father's death. I wasn't there so I couldn't really tell what had happened and besides, it took place a long time ago. It sounded like Leah freaked out about hearing that Sam and Emily got engaged and she phased. That alone would have provoked a heart attack. Seth got scared because of the giant wolf standing in his living room and he phased, too. Seeing his two kids phase in front of him had been too much for Harry. Seth had felt guilty about it for months, just like I felt guilty for my dad's death.

"You'll realize that you need your family," Seth kept on talking, looking at the ground instead of looking at me. "Your family is the best thing you have to help you. This and your friends. Friends are important, Jake. If I didn't have all of you back then, I honestly don't know what would have happened to me."

"Do you still feel guilty, Seth? Do you still think that it's your fault? Because I…"

"What happened is not your fault, Jacob," he cut me off, clearly understanding where I was going with my question. "I know that you don't believe this right now and that you must be blaming yourself but it's not your fault. It's anything but your fault. You don't know what could have happened so you can't torture yourself over the possibilities. It took me a very long time to come to terms with my dad's death and I'm sure that it'll come for you, too." I didn't think that this could be possible and every situation was a different one but, in my heart, I wanted him to be right. I wanted to stop hurting so much and if he said that it would happen, I was going to trust him. I'd wanted to trust Rebecca because she was my big sister but Seth really knew what he was talking about.

"I guess I'm heading back to the Community Center. Are you coming?" Seth asked after a moment of silence. I felt a little bit better after having talked to him because he had experienced what I was going through already and I may have been wrong. Even if I didn't want people to see me cry, I needed them. I needed my family and my friends. I'd been wrong to cut myself off from them although I still wasn't sure about being surrounded by crowds. One person at a time was enough for now.

"No. I think I'm going to head straight back home. But thanks, for what you said. I'll see you tonight, right?"

Seth nodded before turning around to walk out of the graveyard. Talking to him somehow calmed me and I didn't feel like crying anymore. Not for the moment.

…...

Bella's hand was firmly clutching mine while we walked down the small path leading to the beach. It was dark outside and the chilly wind was blowing against us. I had traded my suit from earlier today in favor of some simple jeans and a black shirt. It was casual but practical and the ceremony we were going to attend didn't ask for any special dress code. I felt Bella's scarf brushing against my face because of the wind. She was wrapped up in so many layers that I could barely see her face. She was still unsure about why she was there with me and I could feel her worry by the way she would look up at me every few minutes.

Bella didn't want to go. Not because she thought she would be cold or that standing for too long would be uncomfortable. Those were things _I_ was worrying about. No. She didn't want to be here because she felt that she didn't have a right to. The ceremony we were going to attend was the traditional Quileute funeral ceremony and only members of the tribe could attend it. That's why Charlie wasn't allowed on the beach. He said he understood. He had practically lived half of his life on the reservation so he knew that there were things we couldn't go against. But Bella was different. She was my wife and now that Billy was gone, that made her the chief's wife. I didn't really want to be the chief. Being the Alpha of the pack was already a lot of responsibility for me. Being head of the Tribal Council was my dad's responsibility and I didn't want to replace him. It felt like I was taking something that was his and only his. I felt bad doing it.

Bella thought that she didn't really belong to the tribe and the fact that she married me didn't change her opinion. But everybody in the tribe accepted her years ago. She shouldn't feel this way. Besides, she was my imprint now. Well, she always had been but since it didn't change a lot in our lives, she tended to forget about that. It didn't change the way I acted around her. I simply felt a more powerful, stronger love for her, if it was even possible. She was my imprint and it meant that she belonged to the tribe more than she could imagine. She was the soul mate of one of the Protectors and we were the most important people in La Push. Bella had every right to be here tonight.

But Bella was Bella and when she felt uncomfortable about something, it took more than a few hours to convince her to change her mind. I was sure that she wouldn't have gone if I hadn't told her that I needed her by my side. Sure, it was a more private gathering and it was dark outside so I felt less exposed than I had been in the morning. It didn't change the fact that I didn't want people to be around me if I was crying. She had convinced me to go to the earlier funeral and if it hadn't been for her, I wouldn't have gone at all. Tonight meant more for me but it was the same. If she wasn't there, walking next to me, I couldn't do it. I may have decided to believe Rebecca when she said that Dad was looking out for us from above, it didn't change anything. He was still gone and it still hurt as much as it did four days ago.

We finally reached the far end of the beach where we held the ceremony for Harry. This type of ceremony wasn't even like the true, original one because it wasn't allowed anymore so that's why we had the public one at the graveyard. Back in the day, when a chief or someone of relative importance within the tribe would die, their body was put into a canoe and the canoe was sent away on the ocean. We never argued that we couldn't do this anymore but we came up with a new ceremony which was as meaningful as the real one. Instead of a dead body, we simply placed things which reminded us of the one who left us. And we sent the canoe to the sea anyway. People had been allowed to come and put stuff in the boat during the weekend. Yet, tonight, only the members of the Tribal Council and the pack were to attend. And Bella of course.

We joined the others, who had formed a circle around the canoe. They had lit some torches but the wind was making it difficult to keep them lit and I had the feeling we would end up in complete darkness. I knew from the start that I'd have to let go of Bella at one point. She would go and stand out of the circle with Sue while I'd go right in the middle with my sisters. Now that I actually had to stop holding her hand, I didn't want to anymore.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jake. Okay?" she asked softly, brushing her gloved thumb over my hand. "I'll be right over there. It's not too far away and I'm here if you need me. Alright?" She sounded like she was talking to a child because, in a way, she was. I didn't feel like going around making important decisions or deciding things for myself. I preferred people telling me what to do. I bent down to kiss her quickly before she started to walk away from me. I watched her stumbling to find her way until she was safely by Sue's side. Only then did I join Rachel and Rebecca. They extended they hands toward me at the same time but instead, I wrapped my arm around both of their waists, bringing them closer to me and uniting the three of us.

Soon after that, the ceremony started. They had asked me to say something, to take part in the singing and all but I couldn't. I couldn't keep my eyes away from the canoe placed just next to me. Inside were the last remnants linking people to my dad, and knowing that they were going to disappear in the darkness was as hard to swallow as burying Billy. On instinct, I closed my eyes when I realized that I was going to cry. The guys had started to sing, softly, and the song was directed to the spirit of the Great Wolf, to our ancestors, to all the ones who had left before. It asked for them to guide my dad to them, to help him find his way to Heaven. It asked them to help him leave Earth for real and to help his spirit find peace. The song was asking for everything I didn't want. It was selfish, but in spite of all I had said earlier during the day, I still wished that Billy was alive. Rebecca had told me that our dad's spirit would always look out for us. What would happen if his spirit did find his way to Heaven and leave us behind? How could I find my own way in life without my dad?

"Sshh, Jake. It's okay. We're here. It's okay," Rachel whispered and I opened my eyes, taking deep breaths to try to still my body. I had been shaking pretty hard so I knew what Rachel meant. She didn't want me to go crazy and phase. With the exception of my other sister, everybody on the beach knew about the wolves but Rachel was right. I couldn't phase.

Finally, the song stopped and some of the men got the canoe to move toward the water. I simply watched as the waves lapped against it, taking the wheelchair, the fishing rod and so many pictures away. This was a less formal goodbye but a goodbye nevertheless. I still had no desire to say goodbye. It hurt too much so I kept on looking at the canoe which was slowly drifting out of sight. I focused on its shape, eager to keep it in sight as long as I could. I was so engrossed in doing it that I didn't notice that the singing had stopped or that I wasn't holding my sisters anymore. They must have slipped away from my grasp at some point.

"I'm going to wait in the car, sweetie. Just take your time, okay?" Bella said, her voice so close to me. I felt her hand on my arm and before she could turn away, I stopped her.

"You can stay, it's fine." I looked down at her to see the way the wind was blowing into the few locks of her hair which weren't hidden under her hat. Her lips looked kind of blue. "But you can go back if you're cold." I didn't want her to catch a cold or something worse because of me. Given the circumstances, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. Bella gave me a small smile and pressed herself into my side, as if soaking up as much warmth as she could.

"I want to stay with you. I told you that I'd always be there for you so I'm staying." Her voice was categorical. She rested her head against my arm and we both fell silent.

The canoe was getting farther and farther away from the beach. I could tell thanks to the torch someone had put into it. We were now looking at a light fading in the distance. I'd thought everyone had left but I was wrong. Rachel and Rebecca were still there. They had just walked a few feet from me, surely to get more privacy. Everything was so calm since no one was talking. I didn't want to let the light out of my sight because it really was the last thing connecting me to my father. It was so hard. So hard to have to realize that now he was truly gone and wasn't coming back at all.

"The song was beautiful," Bella whispered after a while. "I didn't understand what they said but I could feel the sadness and the sorrow in their voices and it made me want to cry."

"Me, too, honey. Me, too. I'm so tired of crying, though," I replied, tightening my hold on her waist. I didn't want to let go of her. Even with her coat on, I could feel her belly under my hand and somehow, it made me a little better. The baby was here, Bella was here; I hadn't lost everything. Something huge was missing, something that couldn't be replaced but some other things were still with me and I had to be grateful for that.

"We talked about that, Jake. If you want to cry, just cry. It may help you. I know you think that it makes you weak but it's not true. Crying doesn't make you weak. It actually shows that you're strong enough to let other people witness your feelings. It proves that you don't care about what they think. So, please; if you want to cry, cry."

I sighed deeply. Bella was amazing. It seemed that Billy's death and its aftermath brought us so much closer. We had always been close but there was something off between us before, like we were keeping things from each other. I'd never liked it yet I respected Bella and if she didn't want to talk to me, I couldn't force her. Those past few days though, something must have fell into place. She repeated that she didn't know what to say to make me feel better. I think she didn't realize that she was making some enormous progress in that area. What she just told me was solid proof. I loved her so much.

"I love you, Bells. You know that if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have come tonight even while knowing how much it meant."

"I'm here to support you. For better and for worse, remember? Besides, you would have been terribly upset if you had stayed at home. We both know this." She was right. Although I didn't want to say good bye to my dad, I felt at peace knowing that he had left Earth and La Push like our ancestors before him. The fact that his body was still on the reservation was also something I was relieved about. It wasn't some place unknown. It was somewhere I could go every day if I wanted to. It was next to someone who meant the world to me. It was next to my mom. Their bodies rested together and now, their spirits had found each other again.

Next to me, Bella staggered a bit on her feet and released my arm to put her hand on her back, as if she was rubbing it. Standing up for too long wasn't good for her. She should be off her feet whenever she had the chance. She usually spent her weekends relaxing and sleeping. Her stomach was getting bigger and bigger and the baby was moving a lot more so when the week was over, she was always exhausted. This weekend had been nothing like what we expected. Bella didn't get her rest. We needed to move and go home.

It meant that I had to stop staring at the light but, more importantly, I had to turn my back on my dad. This was the hardest part. The first step. There had been life with Billy and there would be life without Billy. Life without Billy was going to start pretty soon. I didn't want to; I had to. I would have loved to stay on the beach until morning but I had a wife who needed me. We were going to have a child who would need me. In fact, she already needed me. I had to take care of her mom so they would both be in good health.

I was still extremely sad about my father. Nothing was going to change this. It still hurt to think that he was gone but that was the thing. _He_ was gone. Bella and the kid weren't. Turning my back on the ocean didn't mean that I was going to forget about Billy. There was no way it could happen. I simply had responsibilities.

"Come on, Bells. We're going home."

"No, it's okay. We can stay a little bit longer if you want to. I don't mind."

"But I do. I don't want to worry about you more than I do. You need your sleep, honey." She nodded, looking apparently relieved that soon she would be able to sit down. She started to walk back to the car, giving me some time alone. I didn't need it. I'd made the promise earlier that I would go and see Billy as much as I could and I knew that I wouldn't break it. It was enough to help me stop staring at the spot where the light had disappeared.

"I'll be back soon, Dad. I promise," I whispered to the water before turning around to grab the hand Bella was extending in my direction.

* * *

-The poem Rachel reads during the funeral is "Remember" by Christina Rossetti. Oddly, I found it in my linguistics course as an example to a grammar rule I think I've forgotten now. I liked the poem, though, and it fitted the situation so I included some lines in the chapter. The entire piece can be found here: http: / / www (.) sitemappro (.) com/examples/prossetti (.) html

**Chapter 30: We'll be together forever**

**"Oh, yes. I may have forgotten to tell you this. We're not going home or shopping or whatever it is you intended to do. When I said that we were going to have fun, I meant it. We're going away for the weekend."**


	32. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: **I still don't own anything except a fluffy and so cute little kitten my brother found in the street the other day! :)

* * *

**Chapter 30. We'll Be Together Forever.**

_Bella's PoV_

_Friday, February 13th_

"And don't forget that your essay is due on Monday. I won't give any extension this time." Only a few nods confirmed that the students had heard my last words. The bell had finally rung the end of the period and they were all too eager to get out of the room. Chairs were scratching on the floor and conversations had started. Apparently, English wasn't their favorite subject on a Friday afternoon. I always tried to do more interesting stuff on this day because I knew that their attention span was shortened but it didn't work as well as I expected.

I was also relieved that my day was over. Sitting at my desk for one entire hour wasn't my definition of teaching. I always had to stand up, walk all around the room and write on the blackboard. It made class less boring. Who wanted to listen to someone whose body doesn't move except for their lips? I would be the first one tuning them out. But standing up was becoming more and more of a pain. My back was killing me and my ankles were swollen to the point that I had to ask Jacob for a massage almost every single night. Not that he complained.

When I was alone in the classroom I sat down in my chair, happy to be off my feet. After a day at school, I really had the feeling that I was huge and gross. My belly was so big that I didn't think it could expand any more. Unfortunately, I was only seven months into the pregnancy and I was aware that I was going to get bigger. The thought that there was a little baby growing inside of me prevented me from complaining about my hugeness. How could I blame someone so tiny and fragile for being healthy and needing room? The baby was extremely active, too. He kicked all the time.

The doctor had said that if the baby was moving as much as he was, it was a good sign. After all that had happened in the first months of my pregnancy, it was nice to hear some good news. The vitamins I'd been taking for more than two months were quite effective. I was still tired but it had to do with the fact that I was working a lot while the baby was taking a bigger place in my life. During the first trimester, it was easy to act like nothing had changed. You couldn't see that I was pregnant. Now, my stomach acted as an alarm for that and every little action I did asked for extra efforts. Being able to go to bed was the best reward I could wish for.

After a few minutes of calm that I spent slowly rubbing my stomach, I decided that it was time to go home. I really didn't want to stand up again but going home meant going to Jacob. It was enough to motivate me so I quickly gathered my stuff before putting my coat on and stepping out of my classroom.

The hallway was practically empty but there was activity in almost every room since school wasn't over yet. I just had the chance to finish one hour earlier because I'd been forced to work less after my trip to the hospital in November. I had complained at the time about my hours being cut yet, I was actually grateful about it now. Expecting a baby was far more tiring than what I'd imagined. I stopped by the teacher's lounge to get some papers that I needed to grade, and when I stepped out of the room, I heard my cell phone ring. It was at the bottom of my bag, of course, but as soon as I managed to grab it I saw that the caller was Angela and it made me smile.

She and I had become even better friends thanks to Seth. I did apologize to her a lot even if she kept on repeating that it wasn't necessary. I acted like an idiot back in December while she was being very sweet to me. She offered me her shoulder to cry on as well as a place to crash when I didn't want to go home to face Jacob. She wasn't the least offended by my coldness at the time and she never asked what had caused it. She thought that I was just being protective of my brother but we had a big talk after Christmas where I guaranteed her that Seth being with her wasn't a problem for me.

I was really glad that Seth had imprinted on someone that I knew. I was sure that he would be more than happy with Angela. She wasn't the same girl I had known in high school yet, the new Angela was as nice as the old one. The only thing was that she still had no clue about imprinting. By the way she acted when she was around Seth though, there was no doubt that she wouldn't be upset when she knew the truth. Apparently, she liked him a lot. When we talked, I only heard good things about him.

"Hi, Angela," I said happily while walking down the hallway.

"Hi! I'm not disturbing anything, am I? I can't remember your schedule but I thought you said that you finished earlier on Fridays so I decided to give it a shot. I can call back later if you prefer. I'm not…"

"It's fine," I cut her off. Angela was the fastest talker ever. You really had to concentrate to follow what she was saying. She usually cracked me up because sometimes her words didn't come out in the right order and her sentences didn't mean anything at all. "You're right. I just finished work. How are you?"

"I'm good, I'm good. I sent this stupid Valentine's Day article to my boss an hour ago so I'm done for the day, too. I really hate this day. It's so commercial and all. Anyway. I wanted to ask you. Do you know where Seth is taking me tomorrow? He looked so ecstatic about it that I couldn't bring myself to admit that I didn't want to do anything."

"Even if I knew where he's taking you, Angela, I wouldn't tell you. He said it was a surprise, right?"

"Yes, but it seems important to him and it's our first Valentine's Day, and we haven't been together for a very long time. I'd like to know how I should dress. You know, so I can avoid making a fashion mistake." I tried very hard not to laugh at that but didn't succeed well.

"Oh, trust me. Seth won't care about the clothes. You could wear an old pair of dirty jeans and he would still be perfectly content to take you on a date."

"You think so? Maybe but…I really want to dress nicely. Besides, I'd like to know if there'll be room and time for me to pay him back for what he did the other day." She whispered the last part, which made me wonder why.

"What? What did he do?" A million possibilities flashed through my mind yet, I wasn't the least bit close to Angela's answer.

"He showed me that his tongue isn't only good at kissing, if you see what I mean. He was amazing and just thinking about it, I can see his head between my…"

"Eww! Angela!" I exclaimed, dropping my arm to my side, taking the phone away from my ear so I wouldn't hear the end of her sentence. This was disgusting. "Too much information, dammit! It's my _brother_ you're talking about. I so don't want to imagine him doing…that. Ugh." Great, it was going to get stuck in my head now. I was going to be sick. Angela didn't seem sorry for what she had just shared with me. No. She was giggling instead.

"Oh, Bella. But it really was amazing. I wonder if Jacob is as talented as…"

"I don't want to hear one more word about Seth's skills and I will definitely not answer that question. What my husband and I do is none of your business."

"Bella, Bella, Bella. You're too sweet. Sometimes, you sound like a teenager. A virgin teenager, I must add. I bet you're blushing right now."

The worst part was that she was right. I should be able to talk about sex. My brother was off limits, though. I didn't want to think of him naked in bed. Ugh. She really did it. I couldn't stop thinking about it. It made me want to throw up. But the truth was that I couldn't talk about sex. I could with Jacob even if I still blushed when using certain words. With other people, I simply couldn't. It was something too private to share. It wasn't going to change anytime soon and I was fine with it. What I wasn't fine with was Angela teasing me.

"Are you done making fun of me?" I complained while nearing the building exit. She finally stopped laughing and apologized.

"I'm sorry. I know you're not comfortable talking about sex. I'll try to remember."

"Yeah, right. Listen, I gotta go. I have a million things to do before tonight. I'll call you on Monday to find out how your date went."

"I thought you didn't want to hear about Seth in bed?"

"Angela!" She said I was a shy teenager but she was the one acting silly all the time. She burst out in laughter at my shocked reprimand. "I meant the dinner or whatever you'll do while in public. You can keep the rest to yourself."

"Okay, okay. Bye, Bella! Have a nice weekend!"

"Thanks, you too. Bye." I hung up, dropping the phone in my bag. I really had tons to do. Like Angela, I wasn't a fan of Valentine's Day. If you loved someone, you didn't need a specific day to show them. You could, and should, show them every day. Jacob and I usually stayed at home or went to the movies to celebrate. Nothing special. However, life had been pretty mean to us lately that I decided that we deserved a special treat. I was going to cook some nice food, buy some chocolates and give him a surprise. One bigger than the one he received for his birthday last month. I'd asked the doctor about it and she said it was something we could do since we had behaved better than what we'd expected. Just thinking about tomorrow brought a smile to my face.

A smile which broadened once I pushed the heavy door and stepped outside of the school. I looked up to walk toward my car only to find that Jacob was waiting for me over there. I didn't know why he was here but it didn't matter. Seeing him always brightened my mood. He crossed the distance between us in a matter of seconds. He was smiling at me even if it couldn't completely erase the sadness in his eyes. The last month had been hard, there was no other way to phrase it. It hadn't been as bad as the first days after Billy's death. Jacob didn't stay locked up in our room for hours anymore because first, he couldn't, as he had to go to work; and second, he'd confessed that he wanted to make some effort to be around other people. It wasn't their fault if he was sad so he shouldn't give them a hard time.

To that, I replied that he could be sad when he was with me. I didn't mind. He was grieving; it wasn't an easy thing to do. It looked like my simple presence helped him feel less sad. Maybe imprinting did this. I would have preferred for it to be only my love but I was taking and accepting anything that could make Jacob feel better. He had finally realized that crying was good for him and I could hear him sometimes, when he was in the bathroom or when he thought that I wasn't within earshot. He still had his pride, that's why he hadn't phased since his father died. It should have seemed weird as he was the Alpha yet, all the guys understood what he was going through. Phasing meant that they had to share their thoughts and Jacob's were too private. He needed some time to adjust to the changes. Even if he had always been more than good at shielding his mind to the pack, the assault of emotions he sometimes felt was too great to be contained. Embry had taken over the leader post for a few weeks.

We didn't go out a lot. We didn't go out at all, actually. Jacob was almost as exhausted as I was when he came home from work. He spent his days trying to put on a brave face for his co-workers, trying to act as if nothing had happened. We preferred to stay at home, together. Since going to the restaurant for Valentine's Day would be awkward with Jacob trying to look happy when I knew that he wouldn't be, I was going to bring the restaurant home. The meal I had planned for tomorrow night was going to be worthy of the best cooks.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him as soon as he reached my side. It amazed me how happy I was to see him. I knew that I would see him at home soon enough but he had come to me. I didn't know why but I didn't really care for the reason. He was there, that was what mattered.

"I thought I'd surprise you. Here, let me hold that. It's too heavy for you," Jacob replied, taking the bag from my hand. He planted a kiss on my forehead and even if it was a simple gesture, it warmed my heart. I didn't like surprises, he knew it. Small ones like him coming to the high school only to see me were harmless and I enjoyed them a lot.

"I'm so happy to see you, it's ridiculous." I didn't know why but it felt as if we had just been dating for a few weeks and I couldn't get enough of him. There were butterflies in my stomach, my heart was pounding extremely fast and I couldn't stop smiling.

"It's not ridiculous. It feels very good to see you, too. Sometimes, it's like spending a few hours apart is too much already." Jacob hugged me close like he always did when he came back home from work in the evening. I felt safe in his arms and I never wanted to be anywhere else. He said that he needed to know that I was close to him, as if he wanted to be sure that I wasn't going away. Billy dying had made him a bit insecure about people he cared for leaving. No matter how many times I repeated that I wasn't going anywhere else, he couldn't change his mind about it. After a few minutes spent in a tight embrace, we decided that it was time to move and started walking to the car.

"How did you get here?" I wondered when I realized that Jacob's motorcycle wasn't in the parking lot. If it had been before January, I would have said that he phased and ran but he couldn't have done this today.

"I left the motorcycle at Charlie's and walked here. It's actually farther than what I expected!" Our hands were locked, his considerably warming mine. I wasn't exactly one for public display but holding hands was always happening between us. It seemed that I couldn't walk next to him without touching him.

"Do we have to go and get it?" I didn't mind going into town since I had planned on going shopping for tomorrow anyway. With Jacob it would be done faster. He didn't know it yet but he was going to be enlisted to help me.

"Yeah, just not yet. Oh! Hold on! Close your eyes!" He exclaimed when we arrived next to the car. I did as I was told even if his attitude puzzled me. He sounded so excited that I didn't want to disappoint him. It looked like he had another surprise for me, which made me slightly nervous. I heard the car door being opened and he pulled something out. "Okay. You can look now."

When I opened my eyes, I could only gape at the sight in front of me. Jacob was holding a bunch of flowers. Roses. He never got me flowers. He didn't need to buy me some. Actually, he didn't need to buy me anything to show me that he loved me. Everything about the way he acted around me expressed his love and it was more than enough for me. Life was simple, flowers were expensive and I wasn't the type of girl to harass her husband for material proof of affection. But this bouquet was a very nice surprise. I couldn't help smiling widely at Jacob's next sentence.

"Happy Valentine's Day Eve!" I had to laugh. I grabbed the roses from him, marveling at how pretty they were.

"Thanks, Jake. They are beautiful. And they smell delightful, too!" I added after bringing them to my face. Jacob seemed very pleased by my reaction.

"There are nine of them. The florist said that it meant something like 'we'll be together forever.' It sounds cheesy but she's right, you know. I want to be with you forever." He was too sweet. I knew he was the one for me and he perfectly knew it, too. Still, he had to go buy a precise number of flowers to prove it. He was funny as well. It made me all emotional, though. I was aware that my hormones were messing with me but deep inside, I was really feeling this way. I wanted to spend my entire life with him. I wouldn't have married him otherwise.

"What did I do to deserve all the attention? Not that I'm complaining but…"

"I know we don't usually celebrate Valentine's Day but I thought that this year, we could do something nice. Life is harsh on me and I just want to enjoy a few hours with you and only you. I don't want to think about anything but us. Tomorrow seemed the perfect pick for that. Besides, it's the last Valentine's Day that we'll be able to have without having to find a baby-sitter." He reached for me until I was by his side, the flowers kind of crushed. I was about to protest when he put his hand on my stomach, a gesture which always relaxed me. "Mommy and Daddy are going to have some fun before you come and change our lives. You okay with that, kangaroo?"

"Have I told how much I love you, Jake?" He looked up from his crouching position, his lips so inviting that I had to kiss them. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Bells. Now, hop in the car. Your nose has turned very red and you look cold. We wouldn't want for you to get sick." He kissed me sweetly before releasing me. I went to the passenger door because Jacob was with me and when we were together, he was the one driving. I used to complain about that but now that I was pregnant, it was better this way.

"I want to go buy some stuff for tomorrow. Since you're here, you'll help me." He didn't reply. Instead, he started driving and I quickly realized that he wasn't heading toward the grocery store. "Wait, Jake. Where are you going? You have to turn left to go to the…"

"Oh, yes. I may have forgotten to tell you this. We're not going home or shopping or whatever it is you intended to do. When I said that we would have some fun, I meant it. We're going away for the weekend." He flashed me a brilliant smile only to laugh out loud when he saw my face. I was taken aback by his words. The flowers weren't enough? How come I didn't know about this trip?

"We're going...away?"

"Surprise! I put some of your clothes in the trunk so I hope you'll be fine with the ones I took. I talked to the doctor and she said there wasn't any risk in you travelling by car for such a long distance. And I know you had planned to cook dinner tomorrow night but I promise that we'll do that next weekend. It's just that…I've booked the place for some months already and I didn't want to lose the money. You're not mad, are you?" He looked over at me after his long speech, certainly afraid by the fact that I wasn't talking at all. It was the biggest surprise of the day. We were going on a trip for Valentine's Day? It was a huge change from what we usually did and it felt nice. We had been too focused on working and dealing with the troubles in our lives to take some time for ourselves. No. I wasn't mad. On the contrary, I was quite excited about that.

"No, I'm not. I just…where are we going?"

"That's a surprise, too. Somewhere out of the state. That's all I can tell you. I'm relieved you're not upset. You've been talking about the dinner thing for days so I thought you would be mad about me ruining everything."

"You're definitely not ruining anything. I believe that a vacation is exactly what I need." I freed my feet from my shoes and got comfortable in the seat as it looked like we were going to be in there for quite a while. Jacob squeezed my hand in response and soon we were driving away from Forks. The ride was spent talking about work, about this co-worker that he helped getting accepted by everyone else. Jacob was the same at work as he was within the tribe. He always needed to help the weaker ones. He had inherited the head position in the Tribal Council and even though he assured me that he didn't want it, it was in his blood. He already acted like a big brother with everyone else. It was only a matter of time before he accepted the position.

We talked a little bit more about the play that the students were rehearsing at school. They had decided to act some of the most famous scenes by Shakespeare instead of only one play. It was easier for them because lots of roles were available and thus less lines to learn and remember for each of them. I had been asked to help since I was a big fan of Shakespeare. I knew nothing about drama yet, I tried to give directions and advice based on what the playwright had intended to say.

The more we drove, the more we fell silent. We didn't have to talk when we were together. Jacob kept throwing glances at me, smirking every time I would try to guess our destination. Out of Washington, sure. It could mean a close state like Oregon or one at a greater distance. It could even mean Canada. Given the route the car had taken, Oregon seemed more plausible. Maybe a state which meant that we needed to cross Oregon? He didn't have the intention to give anything away so I quickly gave up.

"What's going on in that pretty head of yours?" Jacob's voice brought me out of my thoughts. "You've been frowning and chewing on your nail for the last half hour. It usually means that you're upset. I'm really sorry, honey. I should have told you about leaving for the weekend. It was supposed to be a great surprise but knowing that you're pregnant and that you don't need to be stressed out, it was a mistake." He gave me a sheepish look and he was the one who seemed upset with himself now. That wouldn't do. I grabbed his hand to squeeze it in comfort.

"_This_ is a very good surprise, Jake. I wouldn't have thought of it on my own so I'm really happy that your ideas are better than mine. We need it."

"So, something else's bothering you, then? Wanna talk about it?"

"It's just…it's stupid. I was on the phone with Angela earlier and she said something about Seth which was highly private. She even said that I sounded like a virgin because I can't talk about sex openly." It was extremely hard to get the words out, a blush creeping on my face all the way through it. Jacob knew about my discomfort. He didn't laugh but simply nodded, inviting me to continue. "I've never been able to talk about sex. When Renée was asking me if we did it, you and me, I could never answer. If I can't talk about me, I definitely can't talk about Seth or anyone else. It doesn't mean that I sound like a virgin." I pouted, which made Jacob laugh a little bit.

"Trust me, Bella. When we're in bed, you certainly don't sound, or act for that matter, like a virgin. There's no need for you to get upset over that," he reassured me, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. "Besides, I don't care if you can't talk about sex with other people as long as you can actually _have_ sex, with _me_. I'm fine with the rest." He winked at me, effectively making me laugh. Still…

"Yes, but I'm 26. I'm not a teenager anymore. I have experience and I should be able to talk about things like that. If we wanted to, we should be able to talk about it right now, right in this car. It's just that…it's easier for me to talk about it when I'm naked with you because you know all my secrets and I trust you. It's not that I don't trust you when we're out of the bedroom but I…It's personal and I have this feeling that if we keep it for ourselves, if we keep it in one place, one room, then it means so much more."

"I understand what you mean. Well, I'm a man and men like to brag and anyway, with the pack we don't have any privacy at all, but I think I get what you mean. You want to keep me for yourself." He winked again. I had been an idiot to get upset over such a thing. So what if I couldn't talk about sex with Angela? The most important was that I could talk about it with Jacob when we were doing it. The rest wasn't such a big deal. The entire pack knew about me in bed just like Jacob knew about all the other girls in bed. I couldn't change this even if, at the start, it had been very embarrassing. Maybe that was why I wasn't comfortable talking with other people. Too many already knew too much about me in bed. I didn't want everybody else to be on the secret. Building defenses? That must be it.

"Stop worrying about it, Bells. I don't care if you can't talk about it. It's the way you are; I love you and I certainly won't force you to change. If you really want to change it, we can try but otherwise, it's not necessary. I think it's cute. It's part of your charm. If you stopped blushing, I'd be missing it. You can be sure of this." He leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek, scaring me a little bit when I saw the car swerving to the right but Jacob was an excellent driver. He squeezed my hand one last time before resting it on my stomach. I would have felt better if he had used it to hold the steering-wheel yet, I said nothing. He knew what he was doing.

"Stop thinking about it, okay? I want these few days to be just about us and nobody else. I don't want you to think about what Angela told you or about all the problems that we may have at home. Let's just forget everything and enjoy. Besides, I don't want you to get too nervous or stressed for the baby. The doctor said that you needed to be in a calm environment for the last months."

I felt so much better now that he talked to me and that somehow he erased most of my worries. I had to agree with his idea of leaving everything behind for the weekend. And I needed to stop stressing myself over stupid and insignificant little things. The baby needed me to be serene, or with my luck, something would happen to him. I nodded to signify that I was okay with all he said and rested my head on the headrest, enjoying the feeling of his hand rubbing my belly. It always seemed to calm the tiny one inside of me.

We spent the rest of the drive in relative silence. It was getting dark outside and I still didn't know where we were heading. I didn't recognize the names of the towns on the road signs. I kept trying to stay awake but it didn't seem to work because I closed my eyes and the next thing I knew, Jacob was pushing my shoulder to get me to wake up.

"Honey, we're here. Wake up." I blinked a few times, trying to see where 'here' was but it was dark everywhere and my sight was still a bit foggy. "There's someone waiting for us to sign some papers. Why don't you stay in here and wake up while I go and deal with him?" I nodded, unbuckling my seatbelt and stretching my arms. I wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep but excitement quickly overtook me. We had reached our destination and I would finally find out what kind of surprise Jacob had set up for us. I stepped out of the car, feeling really groggy. My back was stiff. It wasn't good for me to sit down for such a long time.

In front of me, there was light coming from what seemed to be a small house. I couldn't tell more except that outside, it was as cold as it was in Forks. We weren't so far away after all. I went to the trunk to retrieve the bags Jacob had mentioned earlier. There was actually only one and it wasn't so heavy. It didn't look like he had packed a lot. Hoping that he hadn't forgotten anything, I made my way to the front door. I hadn't seen anything about the outside but inside, everything looked so cozy. There was a small kitchen where Jacob and a man were going over some stuff. They didn't need my help so I made my way to the living room, dropping the bag to stare at the gigantic fire place. The couch also seemed pretty comfortable. At the far end of the room, I found the door leading to the bedroom. Just like the others, it was huge. The bed was covered with satin sheets and surrounded by candles and there was a smell which reminded me of chocolate. It looked like a hotel room except that, instead of a balcony, the French doors led to a patio. I stepped outside for a couple of seconds to hear that there was a river next to the house. It sounded like a pretty big one.

Everything was so perfect. It looked like one of those cottages lost in some remote place that you could rent for honeymoons, like what we had wanted for _our_ honeymoon before my mom decided that she would pay for a trip to Indonesia as a gift. Apart from the sheets, which were a bit too luxurious for my liking, the rest was very simple and I was fine with it. The furniture in the living room and the kitchen were all made from wood and there wasn't anything superficial.

"Do you like the place?" Jacob asked when he joined me after the guy left. I was standing next to the fireplace, marveling at how good the raw wood felt under my touch. I turned around to hug him tightly.

"I do. So much. Thanks, Jake. It's perfect." He pulled away, smiling brightly at me before lowering his head to brush his nose against mine.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Bells." And he kissed me, still smiling. His smile molded against my own, our lips moving together slowly. It felt so good to be finally alone, away from everybody else. Jacob cupped my face with his hands, pushing his tongue in my mouth to meet mine. We were taking our time and I'd missed this. I'd missed the intimacy we'd been denied because of all that was going on in our lives. My arms traveled up his waist to his neck, grabbing some of his hair to pull him toward me while I stood on my tip-toes to bring myself even closer. I hated that I was the one who was going to break our moment but I had to.

"I'm sorry, Jake but I…I need to use the bathroom," I whispered against his mouth when I broke the kiss. He laughed and it was so refreshing to hear this sound again. I'd missed that, too. He let me go, saying something about getting the food ready, which caught my complete attention. I was starving.

Continuing my exploration of the little house, I made my way to the bathroom. It was almost as big as the bedroom but it had more than just a shower. There was a round tub which had clearly been designed for two people. Excellent. I didn't know if Jacob was aware of this extra bathing space and I couldn't wait to tell him and to try it. I found candles just like the ones in the other room. I hadn't a clue in what town or state we were, yet I wouldn't mind spending the weekend inside, in bed and in this tub.

When I was finished, I went to the kitchen, where Jacob was busy heating up plates and setting the table. I literally couldn't stop smiling. I was also pretty sure that my eyes were sparkling since I was feeling happier than I'd ever been in my life. I had to control myself or I was going to end up crying and we couldn't have that. I couldn't ruin everything with my tears even if they were tears of joy.

"It smells wonderful, Jake. Where did you find all of this food?"

"What do you mean? I cooked it, of course!" He tried to look offended but the faked hurt was quickly replaced by laughter. I never wanted to stop hearing him laugh.

"Oh, please. All you can cook is scrambled eggs and pancakes. You usually burn everything else."

"But my eggs and pancakes are awesome, don't lie."

"Sure, they are, but it's nothing compared to this chicken and what is this? Stuffed vegetables?"

"Yeah, you caught me. The dinner was included in the price. It was supposed to be for tomorrow night, you know, 'the big day'," he explained, making quotation marks in the air. "But I figured that you'd be tired by the drive so I asked for it tonight, instead."

"You take such great care of me, Jake," I thanked him, rising from my chair to kiss him before sitting down again. I couldn't wait to start eating. All these plates on the table were making me salivate. "I don't know what I would do without you."

"Well, that's my job after all," he replied with a smile. "And besides, you're the one who took care of me for the last month and I can't even begin to imagine how hard it was for you. It's my way to thank you and to say that I love you."

I nodded, my mouth full of food. We spent the dinner joking around and laughing like we had promised we would. If I hadn't known better, I would have said that Jacob was feeling very good but I could see that there was still an edge of sadness in his eyes when he thought I wasn't looking at him. I didn't reply to his remark about me taking care of him on purpose. It had been hard for me, like he admitted it. I was always tired and even though Jacob tried not to be a burden, there were days when he would come home to just sit on the couch, staring in front of him. I couldn't blame him for mourning his father but I felt alone sometimes. At the same time, however, this difficult time had brought us so much closer. Sometimes he would busy himself in the house, staying with me for hours, like a shadow, because he didn't want to be by himself. Sometimes he would talk to me and I would only have to listen since all he needed was to share what was on his mind; I didn't have to reply.

The best part of the entire meal was definitely the dessert. It was a chocolate cake with frosting and strawberries on top. It was a bit too much after all the food we had already shared but I always had some room for chocolate cake. Jacob was like me on this point, too. We had to restrain ourselves to keep some for the rest of the weekend. When we were done, I felt like nothing could make the night better. I certainly didn't want it to end. Besides, Jacob was really trying to make up for what he thought he had to make up for because he also wanted to wash the dishes as soon as he stood up. I disagreed. I didn't want the evening to be about standing by the sink, his hands buried in foam and hot water.

"It's not because I hardly wash the dishes at home that I can't do it."

"I know you can and trust me, if you want to wash them you are more than welcome to do it but I wish we could just snuggle on the couch or in bed. Washing tends to ruin the mood."

"Okay, I guess you're right. Let me at least put them in the water for tomorrow morning or it'll be even harder for _you_ to wash them." He grinned at me while I simply gaped. He would never change.

"I'll be in the bedroom. You can join me when you decide to be serious for more than five minutes." I walked out of the kitchen, looking over my shoulder to flash him a brilliant smile. Only a few hours in this house and it looked like we were already going back to how we were before Billy left us. I had missed the easy conversations and the constant jokes. Jacob must have missed them, too, I was positive about it, or he wouldn't have organized this little weekend.

I got rid of my shoes and my cardigan before sitting down on the bed, facing the French doors and the dark night outside. My feet were killing me and it took all my willpower to not lie down on the bed to fall asleep. There was a good thing stopping me. I had gotten some sleep in the car plus I didn't have to cook or to do any housework tonight. I wasn't as tired as I usually was on a Friday night. I was planning on making the most out of this night with my husband. The mattress sank behind me, indicating that I wasn't alone in the room.

"Hey," Jacob whispered, his arms sneaking around my waist as I leaned my head on his chest.

"Hey. I know I must have said it at least three times tonight but thank you, Jake. It makes me so happy that you got such a great idea and that we can be alone for a few days."

"You are more than welcome, honey. The cottage looks much better than it does on the website, I have to admit it. I'm not thrilled by those sheets, though," he chuckled against my neck, making me shiver until he kissed the skin to warm it back again. I had to agree with him. I wasn't a big fan of them, either. I was afraid I was going to fall down from the bed. They were so slippery.

"How did you find this place anyway?" I asked after a moment of blissful silence. I could have stayed in Jacob's arms for hours without being tired of it. This time, it was more a sigh than a chuckle that made my skin shiver. His arms tightened around me with no apparent reason and I wondered if I didn't make a mistake.

"It's actually Billy who suggested it back before we got married." I instantly regretted asking him. I was about to apologize but he spoke again so I shut up. "He came to this town with my mom for their honeymoon. He thought it would be a good idea for us to come as well. We booked the house in November or something like that. And then…after what happened…I just didn't find the strength to cancel the trip. He would have wanted for us to come and enjoy our weekend no matter what." He sighed again after his explanation and I wriggled a little bit so I could turn around and see his face. He was looking down at me with a sad smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. I wanted to slap myself for reminding him of painful memories. But after all, the mere fact of being in this house had to bring back memories of his father so it wasn't completely my fault.

"I'm sure he's really pleased with you for not giving up on it. I'm proud of you, you know." I craned my neck until I reached his cheek to kiss him lightly. He leaned into my touch, moving his head to the right so his lips touched mine. The kiss was sweet and slow. We weren't in a hurry and I mainly wanted to comfort him. After five minutes of feathery kisses from the both of us, I pulled away a little and shifted on the bed so I was more comfortable. Jacob was looking at me, his eyes glistening with tears that I knew he was fighting to keep hidden. Talking about his dad always had this effect on him. It was way too soon. Moreover, I felt the same way most of the time. I couldn't totally process the idea that I would never see Billy again and after one month it still hurt as much as it did the first day.

I wiped off the few salty drops on Jacob's cheeks, cupping his face in my hands like he had done to me so many times before. I rested my forehead against his, enjoying the feeling of being in such simple physical contact with him. Everything was so quiet in the room that we could hear our hearts beating in total synchronization.

"Jake? Make love to me, Jake."

"Bella…I didn't bring you here to have sex." He seemed clearly surprised by my request but, at the same time, a little bit excited. I could see it in his eyes. The tears were almost gone, replaced by desire. But the reasonable side of his brain made him pull away from me until I grabbed his sweater with both hands, keeping him next to me. "I'm perfectly fine with lying in bed and holding you in my arms. I don't want you to feel obligated to anything because we're somewhere special."

"I really want to, Jake. I know I haven't been feeling like being intimate lately but I really want to tonight. And before you can say it, because I know you're thinking about it right now, I talked to the doctor. She said it was totally safe for the baby. So, please. Make love to me, Jake," I asked again, my lips grazing his ear before trailing kisses down his jaw line to his mouth. His doubts or worries about what could happen were forgotten now, given the urgency he put in his kiss. His lips forced mine open, his hands coming to rest on my back, pulling me so much closer to his body, if it was possible. Kissing Jacob was the best thing in my world. I could have done it for hours without getting tired. Even when he was being a little rough or impatient like he was right this instant, his tongue was always so soft and warm. My fingers sneaked under his sweater, enjoying the feeling of his many muscles. They were familiar to me but it was a real pleasure to rediscover the feeling of them under my fingertips every single time.

Jacob's whole body shivered when my hands traveled up his chest, over his nipples until I grabbed his shoulders. His clothes were still on and I didn't need to ask anything for him to take them off. He grabbed both of my hands, put them back to my sides and the next thing I knew, he was shirtless.

"You know how I used to complain about you being a wolf and all?" I whispered, my lips kissing his neck and his shoulders. My hands were dancing all over his skin and from the panting coming from him, he was enjoying it as much as I did. "Well, I never complained about the muscles it gave you. Lie down." It amused me how Jacob didn't even protest about the order. I just had to push slightly on his chest and he was on his back.

We went back to kissing as soon as I was sort of lying next to him, my head propped on my elbow. This kiss was different from the previous one, as if we were taking our time. Jacob obviously wanted this as much as I did but we were both aware that having real sex wasn't something we could do every day so we wanted for it to last as long as it was possible. My free hand was still travelling up and down Jacob's chest, exploring every inch. At one point, he must have realized that apart from kissing me, he was being rather passive and suddenly, his hand was on my thigh, massaging my skin through the fabric of my pants. It distracted me from what I was doing for a few seconds, my fingers literally stopping. I rested my hand on his shoulder and this time, I was the one panting while his hand travelled higher until it reached the throbbing heat between my legs.

"You're…messing with my plans, Jake," I tried to complain but the sensations he was giving me were too incredible. My head fell back on the bed and he took this opportunity to roll me on my back so he was the one hovering above me.

"D'you want me to stop?" My eyes were closed but I knew he was grinning at me. His mouth left my ear for my neck and what I had planned for the night, me being in charge and all, it didn't matter so much anymore.

"No. No, please don't. Ohhhh…" I couldn't see it but I heard the button of my pants popped open and the warmth of his hand against my sensitive skin made me roll my eyes. A few seconds later, I was naked from the waist down, the pants having joined Jacob's clothing on the floor. My underwear didn't stay on for long, either. It looked like he was tired of going slowly. All I could do was moan, rather loudly apparently, while his fingers teased me.

"You're always so wet for me, Bells…" It was true but I knew that Jacob was restraining himself because of my condition; or else, he wouldn't have waited that long to be inside of me. When he did, though, and even if it was a single finger, I saw stars and had a very hard time not screaming out loud. His mouth closed on mine once again, his finger pumping in and out of me, my hips matching every one of his moves.

I managed to get a hold on his neck, sliding my arms down his back until I locked them at his waist. I couldn't bring him down on me first because I didn't have the strength to do so but mostly because Jacob wouldn't have allowed himself to crush me on the mattress. I squeezed as hard as I could, though, pushing my hands under the waistband of his jeans, eliciting a groan from him. I wanted to go further down but I couldn't concentrate on anything but his fingers buried inside of me.

"Jake…I…ohhh…Jake…I need to…" I couldn't finish my sentence which was drowned under the endless moans and pants coming from the both of us. Speaking was useless, especially when Jacob's mouth deserted mine to come rest on my clothed breast. Even with my top and my bra on, it felt as if he was kissing my bare skin. My back arched to meet his wet lips, my hands sliding further down his jeans to grab his ass.

"Shit, Bells. We need to get you rid of this shirt." Much to my dismay, he withdrew his fingers from inside of me, locking eyes with me before smiling wickedly and sucking them clean. I bit my lip in response. He made me raise my arms and my long-sleeve tee-shirt was off. His mouth was back on my breast, sucking hard while his hand started to take care of my left breast which had been left unattended until then. That was too much.

"Jake, please stop. I…just…it hurts when you touch them like that. But sucking is good. It's great. Don't stop this," I added quickly when I saw the look on his face. It had hurt when he massaged the breast even if he was being gentle. There was nothing he could do about it and I didn't want him to feel bad. I didn't want him to stop altogether only because one little thing had gone wrong so I pushed his face back against my chest until he finally resumed his ministrations. But it wasn't as good as before. It seemed that hurting me had cooled him down and I didn't like it. He was going too slow and was barely touching me at all.

"Lie down again, Jake. And stay that way this time," I ordered, pushing on his chest while he looked at me with a grin on his face.

"Sure thing, boss."

"Let me explain something to you," I started, trailing my hand down his muscles to his belt and even further down until it rested on the obvious bulge hidden in his jeans. He gulped loudly, the grin gone. "Just because you can't really do this to me right now," I grazed his skin with my teeth toward his nipple, taking it in mouth and biting down on it. Jacob shivered. "…doesn't mean you can't do this…" And I soothed the bite by kissing the skin, sucking on it like I would have wanted him to do. "Got it?"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. I'm sorry I…ahhh…" I didn't let him finish his apology because I didn't need one. My point had been made so we could go back to what we were doing before except that he'd lost the upper hand. My hand had never stopped rubbing him through the denim and this time, he was the one moaning endlessly. I liked to see that strong Jacob could go so vulnerable when we were in bed. After teasing him for a few more seconds, my mouth still busy showing him what I'd been expecting, I unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants. His underwear came off at the same time, leaving him naked, just like me.

The moans coming from him were making me hotter by the second. I stroked his erection looking at how our skins were so different but fitted so well next to each other. When I looked up, I realized that his eyes were closed, his mouth open and sweat was running down his face. I increased the pace when suddenly, Jacob rolled on his side, trapping my hand between us. His own hand sneaked between our bodies which were both glistening with sweat.

"That's good…that's very…good," I panted when his fingers returned to my wet folds, playing with them, making me buck my hips to match his rhythm. It took me a moment to catch up with him and make my hand move up and down his erection as fast as he moving inside of me. I didn't think I could take it anymore but Jacob surprised me by obeying my earlier order and dropping his head to my chest to suck on my nipple. I screamed with pleasure, grabbing his member a little bit more forcefully in response. "Yes, that's exactly…exactly like I want…it."

"You smell so good. I can smell you from here. I want…I need more," Jacob said when he released my breast, kissing my face until he found my mouth, holding it hostage for one of our longest kisses ever. We were both frantic, our hands still doing their dance down there. Our tongues clashed until suddenly, and without breaking the kiss, Jacob's fingers were out of my body. He stopped the hand which was working him to take it off of him. Next thing I knew, he got up, moved to the other side of the bed so he was behind me and on his side as if he was spooning me.

"I read in your book that it's the best position when you're pregnant," he explained, as I was craning my neck to see what he was doing. I must have looked puzzled, but frankly, I didn't care about the position. I just wanted him inside of me. Now. Before I could ask for it, Jacob lifted my leg just a tiny bit. It was enough for me to feel the tip of his erection against my entrance, making me move closer to him. I needed this. Slowly, he eased himself into me, his moans matching mine.

"Oh, God. I missed that," he said before grabbing my chin so he could reach my lips. I didn't mind that it was hurting my neck because we were actually _having_ sex and we hadn't done this in weeks and it felt _so_ good. I was aware that neither of us was going to last long and I wanted to enjoy this as much as I could. Jacob was holding back, though.

"Can you go faster, Jake? I need you to go faster. It feels so…good but go…faster."

"I don't want to…"

"You won't. Trust me. I'll tell you if you do. Please, go…ahhh. Yes! Yes, that's better. That's ohhh…" Those were the last words I uttered because I couldn't possibly say more. The sensation was overpowering, especially with Jacob biting and sucking on my neck at the same time. It didn't take us long to scream each other's name, Jacob thrusting one last time before coming. I followed soon after.

I was still seeing stars and was feeling like I was floating on my own personal cloud when he pulled out of me, not leaving me the time to miss the heat. He gathered me in his arms, kissing my forehead, his hand resting on the small of my back. My breathing was heavy but I didn't really need to speak at all. I simply enjoyed being naked, in bed with my husband.

"That was intense." Jacob finally broke the comfortable silence. I nodded, my fingers moving lazily on his chest.

"It was amazing. We should do it more often." He snorted above me, kissing my smiling lips once again.

"Oh, we will. When the kid is born, I plan on making up for lost time, if you see what I mean." He wiggled his eyebrows and I burst into laughter. I hadn't forgotten how it felt to have sex with Jacob but it seemed that not being together for a long time made it even better when we were able to have sex. Tonight had been one of the best times we had together.

* * *

I hope you enjoyed the lack of heartfail in this chapter! I know I enjoyed not writing about drama. You know the drill, reviews make my day.

I also a little favor to ask you. I'm moving into my dorm room next Sunday since grad school is starting next week. I like my room, it has nice walls (compared to the rooms I had before, that is). They are purple but the problem is, they have bare. I asked it on Twitter but for those who don't follow me, I'll ask it again here. I was wondering if you'd be willing to send me a postcard of where you live in the US (or wherever it is you live). It'll help me know you better and it'll make my walls look prettier and when I'll look at them while studying, it'll make me think of you all! If you want to do it, just say it in your review or send me a PM and I'll get back to you. Thanks! :)

Twitter: mellyb6

**Chapter 31: A Little Bit Of Heaven...**

**"I think we should go to the hospital, Bella. Just to be sure. It's super red and you can't even move your hand without wincing." **

**(...)**

**"I won't go to the hospital just because I don't know how to close a window. It's ridiculous."**


	33. Chapter 31

-There's a super small reference to **_One Tree Hill _**in this chapter. It's so extra small I don't even know who's going to see it. But if you do, please, let me know!

-Athena's a real town in Oregon. Just so you know that I research a lot for this fic ;)

Disclaimer: Still absolutely not owning anything, which sucks. The title of the chapter belongs to **Mika** as I took some lyrics from his song _No Happy Ending_. Same disclaimer goes for the title of the next chapter.

Enjoy this "Oh my God, it's super long!" chapter :)

* * *

_**31. A Little Bit Of Heaven…**_

_**Bella's POV**_

_**Saturday, 14****th**** of February**_

I was having a very good dream when, suddenly, a strong flash of light burst in front of my eyes, only to disappear as fast as it had appeared. No need to say that it woke me up with a start. It was totally unexpected and kind of scary at the same time. What was it? Thunderstorm? It would really be bad luck if we had travelled this far only to be stuck inside because of a storm. I wouldn't complain about having to stay in the house with Jacob for the weekend but I wanted to be able to go outside at least a little bit. Staying inside for days drove me crazy.

The flash of light was followed by a string of whispered swearing from Jacob. He seemed to be angry at someone or something. It was more likely to be something since he referred to it as a 'fucking piece of shit', among other things. I didn't like him talking like that but I was sure that he thought I was still asleep. I wasn't, though. I didn't know what was going on and it had awakened me. I wouldn't be able to go back to my dreams without knowing what happened.

"What's going on?" I asked, my voice still blurred by sleep. I tried to open my eyes. The brilliant light left my vision obscured millions of tiny stars. I wasn't going to see anything soon so I close my eyes again. Before I could try to sit up in bed, Jacob was lying beside me, his arm thrown across my stomach to keep me in place.

"I just wanted to take a picture and forgot the camera flash was still on. I'm sorry I woke you up. Go back to sleep, honey," he whispered, his mouth so close to my ear I could feel his breath on my skin when he spoke. I loved to know he was this close to me. Especially after last night. It made me all warm inside as my thoughts drifted back to the previous night. I wasn't going to go back to sleep now. I would have wanted for us to make love again but I was aware that we couldn't. The doctor said that once was okay for the baby. I didn't want to push my luck. I loved having sex but I loved our baby more and I didn't want to put him in any danger by being reckless or by not being able to control myself. Being held by Jacob was enough to keep me satisfied.

"You took a picture of what?" I snuggled against his side, pressing my face to his chest and inhaling deeply. His hand was on my back, rubbing slowly, and spreading warmth through the fabric of my pajamas.

"I'll show you later. You need to rest."

"I'm good with just lying here with you. I don't mind being awake if you're with me. So show me this picture, please." My eyes were still closed but I felt his chest rise and fall as he chuckled. He shifted a bit, his arm draped around me. I finally managed to open my eyes without being assailed by bright white spots. Jacob had pulled the heavy curtains in front of the French doors to block the morning light. The room was in relative darkness. I pushed myself up on my elbows, effectively sitting like I'd wanted to at the start.

"Here, look." Jacob handed me the camera before pulling me onto his lap. His hand lifted my pajama top to rest on the bare skin of my belly. He started to draw circles on it, exactly the way I loved it. His mouth was pressed in my hair but I could still hear his whispers. Why he didn't talk louder I didn't know but it gave a very intimate atmosphere to this early morning, something that I enjoyed. I was fighting to keep my eyes open since the movements of his hands and the sound of his voice combined together had the effect of a lullaby on me. When I saw the picture he had taken, though, it erased the sleep and a big smile emerged on my face.

"You looked so beautiful and peaceful that I had to make sure I kept a record." He kissed my forehead while I couldn't stop gazing at the camera. He took a picture of me sleeping. The blanket had somehow fallen off of me, revealing my stomach. My left hand was on top of the roundness and there was a bright sparkle coming from the diamond set in my engagement ring. I couldn't blame Jacob for waking me up since he seemed so happy to have been able to catch the moment. "It's everything I've ever wanted, you know. You and me, married, and a baby."

"I love you, Jake." I turned around, dropping the camera to hold him tightly. He returned the hug, his arms barely squeezing my shoulders. He was always afraid he was going to hurt me if he pressed my body too close to his. I was so lucky to have found someone who took such good care of me and who loved me as much as I loved him. Sometimes, like right now, I wondered how the happiness I felt when I was next to him could even exist. It was so intense that it actually hurt physically when we had to stay away from each other even for a few hours. I was aware that a part of these feelings were the result of imprinting but I couldn't find it in myself to be mad. If something could make me that happy I had to thank it more than anything else.

"I love you," I repeated, my face buried in Jacob's neck. The first time, I didn't feel any pain, maybe because I was so caught up in the moment that I didn't notice it. The second time I said these three words, however, the pang of hurt shot through my heart like it always had. Well, not always; but ever since high school, it had. I despaired that my body seemed unable to go past the break up and the addiction I'd had for _him_. I took a deep breath and was about to do it again when Jacob pulled away from me, clearly understanding what was going on. This pain was the only thing he was powerless against and it made him sad because he usually always managed to make me feel better. After all these years, I'd learned to deal with it even if I would have given everything for it to stop.

"I love you, too, Bells. So, so much." He then proceeded to make me feel better by kissing my lips before moving down to my neck. He opened the top buttons of my shirt until he could reach the spot just above my left breast. He kissed the skin above my bra for a long time. It was his cure for my heartache. I scooted until my back hit the headboard, cradling his face to my chest while he kept on kissing the whole area he had undressed. I sighed with contentment this time, running my hand through his soft hair.

"Thanks, Jake. Really." He looked up at me, a sweet smile on his lips. It saddened me that no matter how much he smiled, it was never enough to completely light up his eyes. He always looked like he could burst into tears at any moment. I would have liked to have a personal cure to help him feel better but I hadn't found one yet.

"Feeling better? Sure?" I nodded again and he seemed satisfied. He sat next to me, his hand back on my belly, my head resting on his shoulder. We were quiet for a moment. I wasn't going to go back to sleep now but it wasn't a problem. I had gotten some good rest and I was certain that it would be enough to make it through the day. Instead, I enjoyed the peace surrounding us. It was different from the lazy mornings we could spend during the weekends at home. I didn't have to get up to do chores or to grade some papers even though a small voice in the back of my head was scolding me for not correcting the quizzes I had in my bag in the car. I quickly pushed the thought away. I didn't want to think about anything else but having fun and relaxing. And right now, staying in bed for a few hours seemed like something I could enjoy very much.

The silence was broken shortly after when the baby decided that it was time to get moving. Jacob felt it against his hand, which made him laugh. He liked it when he could feel the baby moving. He said it made him feel connected to him. That's why his hand always landed on my belly when we were in bed or snuggling on the couch. I wasn't complaining. It made me happy to see how excited he was about the baby. He moved his hand a little bit to the left and I could feel it inside of me: the baby was following his movements. It was an activity we started practicing a couple of weeks ago. According to the doctor, it helped build the father-child relationship. From my point of view, it also helped Jacob getting his mind away from his dad's death.

"Today's the 14th," he stated, his eyes still locked on his hand. The baby seemed to have woken up when Jacob touched my stomach. I remembered the first months when the baby wasn't active and didn't kick inside me all day long. Those were happy times. Not that I wasn't happy with the baby moving but it was tiring and painful sometimes.

"Yes, it's Valentine's Day. That's why you brought me here, right?" I didn't understand where he was going.

"Sure but today's the _14__th_. And in two months the baby…"

"Oh my God, you're right!" I cut him off, his words finally making sense. I was due on the 14th of April which meant that, technically, in two months the baby would be born. I jumped in the bed at the idea. I had forgotten about it and Jacob reminding me of it made me all excited and emotional. I had a hard time processing that we were going to be parents.

"Exciting, huh?" He grinned at me.

"And scary at the same time," I admitted. The look on his face told me that he was feeling the exact same way. We were scared but, as long as we were together, I was certain that everything would be okay. I reached for his face and he beat me at finding my lips. We kissed until we were both panting and I had to break the embrace or I would have suffocated. I rested my forehead against his, smiling.

"Wow. We're gonna be parents."

"I know."

"We're gonna have a baby."

"We already had this conversation six months ago," I reminded him with a laugh. He dropped his head to put it on my stomach, his ear pressed to the skin. After a few seconds, his fingertips were back, drawing circles next to his face.

"Sure, but at the time, it seemed so unreal. Now, I can feel her move and I can hear her heartbeat and you've gotten this…"

"And now I'm big, I know." I pouted, upset that he almost said it out loud. He could think that I was big, I wouldn't have blamed him for it since it was the truth, but saying it to me was another matter. "I don't see how you can even want to touch me; I feel so gross sometimes. I can barely see the waistband of my pants and look at my thighs! They are so huge and ugly."

"I wasn't going to say that." Jacob made his way up to my eye level where he kissed my cheek while his hands were busy unbuttoning the last few buttons of my shirt until it hung loose, exposing my chest. "I don't think you're big. On the contrary, I think you're very beautiful." He buried his face in my neck, sucking and nibbling in a ticklish way.

"You're only saying this because I'm your wife." I tried to wriggle away from his touch but he was having none of it.

"No, I'm not. Maybe it's difficult for you to see my point but from the outside, seeing your body changing month after month, seeing its transformation so there can be a little baby inside of you, it's amazing, Bells. Really. I love how much you smile and you glow since you're pregnant. There's something in your eyes which makes it look like you want to shout to the whole world how ecstatic you are. I love how big your breasts are getting." He traced the outline of them with his fingers, making me go from wanting to laugh because he was tickling me to wanting to moan. The sensation was almost too good.

"I like the idea that they're so tender because your body's getting ready for you to be a mom. And what if you have to wear a bra to sleep? What if I can't touch them too roughly without making you uncomfortable? I don't care if I can't touch them like I used to. I know that one day we'll be back to it. There'll be a day when your breasts won't be only for the kid, and trust me, I'm looking extremely forward to that day!" After this, Jacob proceeded down to my stomach, once again tracing the edges with feathery touches and this time I didn't suppress the moan. He smirked, looking up at me before kissing the skin of my belly.

"I admit it, your stomach is bigger than usual but it's the best proof of what's happening to you, to us. No one would ever say that you're fat. And I think guys would kill to be me and to be able to kiss it. To kiss the place where our child is living her first months. I love your stomach. It's round and feels very cozy, warm, and welcoming. I bet she doesn't even want to come out to meet us!"

"Come here, Jake." I motioned for him to sit upright. I hated being as emotional as I was. For a split second I felt like crying because I thought that Jacob was going to admit that I was fat and now, I still wanted to cry but for a different reason. He had reassured me, saying exactly what I needed to hear to make me feel better. "Thank you."

I kissed him lightly, taking his face in my hands. Then he put his head back in the crook of my neck. He enjoyed this type of hug. He couldn't quite explain why when I asked him. He simply said that he found some extra comfort in the embrace. I was more than willing to help. I didn't even make a remark about him calling the baby a "she". I hadn't done that a single time since last month. I wanted Jacob to get some happiness whenever and wherever he could. He thought the baby was a girl; if that could help him feel better then so be it. It didn't mean that he was right. He wanted to believe he was; I was fine with it.

"If you want to know everything, Bella, I happen to find you really attractive even with your stomach and your supposedly huge thighs. Very, very attractive." To prove it, he went back to sucking on my neck.

"That feels good, Jake but I…I'm about to demonstrate the one aspect of being pregnant that I'm sure you _cannot_ like. Get off of me. I need to go to the bathroom," I added when he shot me a look, daring me to find something that he couldn't refute. I pushed him away from me, laughing at his vexed pout. I quickly buttoned my top while making my way to the bathroom. I had no idea what time it was. I only knew that I hadn't been to the bathroom in hours and that it felt like my bladder was about to explode.

Once I was done, I made my way back to the bedroom where Jacob had opened the curtains, allowing the morning light to penetrate into the room. He was standing next to the window, staring at the trees outside. Now that it wasn't dark anymore, I could actually see that the cottage was surrounded by trees. Maybe even a forest, just like at home. You would have thought that a weekend away from home meant different landscape from the one we were used to. I didn't mind if it was the same. The house certainly was different and what was the most important was to be able to spend some time with my husband, away from the problems that 'home' represented.

The first things I noticed after the fact that there was light inside were the track pants carelessly discarded on the floor. They were Jacob's. I knew it; I bought them. There was mud on them and it didn't take me long to figure out what had been going on while I was sleeping. I made my way to the French doors, sliding my arm around Jacob's waist. My head rested against his arm.

"Did you get any sleep last night, Jake?"

"For a couple of hours, yeah. But after, I got the nightmare. The same as always and I couldn't go back to sleep." He sighed deeply which made me tighten my hold on him. I didn't like the idea that I was totally helpless against this bad dream. It was the worst part of living without Billy. Almost every night Jacob was having a dream that would always end by him waking up screaming and sweating. It scared the hell out of both of us the first times it had happened. Now, he was getting better at channeling the shouts but the nightmare was still there.

Even when he wasn't screaming, I seemed to feel it when he was tossing next to me, moaning with pain in his sleep. It woke me up and I had trouble falling back asleep since I didn't want to leave Jacob alone and in tears. There were nights like last night when he would get a few hours of sleep before waking up. Then, there were some other nights when the mere fear of having the nightmare would make it impossible for him to go to bed. Dreaming about watching his father being trapped in a burning house and not being able to save him was horrible to him as it would be to everyone else.

It didn't matter the number of times I suggested that I stay awake with him. I didn't want to think about him wandering aimlessly in the silent house because it wasn't fair and it was breaking my heart, too. Jacob would argue back that I needed to sleep and that he wouldn't forgive himself if something happened to me or the baby because of sleep-deprivation or because of him. I'd surrendered to this logic. I appreciated how sincere and honest we were with each other. It was as if losing someone who meant so much had brought us even closer than we used to be.

"I didn't notice, Jake. Sorry. You should have woken me up."

"No way. You need to sleep more than I do. I'll be fine but it just seemed so…real. I could actually feel the flames and…"

His voice broke a little bit and I knew he was fighting back tears. I was sorrier for him than I had ever been in my life. He had to face this awful dream all by himself as there was nothing I could do to help him. Even if I held his hand while sleeping, I couldn't get into his mind to prevent his subconscious from playing this nightmare. I would have asked Jacob if he wanted to try sleeping pills or some other meds but it was obvious that there was no chance they could work on his metabolism so I dropped the idea as fast as it had occurred to me. And talking to someone, a professional, about the dreams was simply out of the question. We had an argument about it a few days ago. For him, there was no way in hell he would go to a shrink. I hadn't pushed the thought any longer. Maybe the dreams would stop by themselves in a couple of months. I was determined to try my luck again with asking him to see a doctor if it hadn't gotten any better by then, though. I wanted him to feel better, about everything. I wanted it so badly.

"I don't know if you saw that but there's no TV in the house. Certainly because people who come here have far more interesting things to do than watching movies. Anyway, I didn't want to read so I went for a run."

"Yes, I saw your pants." I refrained from scolding him for leaving them on the floor. I had other worries in mind. "In the middle of the night, though, Jake. It could have been dangerous. Something could have happened to you. You don't know the forest around here. We're not at home."

"No worries, Bells," I heard a chuckle above my head. Yet, when I looked up with a stern look on my face, he seemed to realize that I was being serious because his expression changed at once. He kissed my forehead while rubbing his hand up and down my spine. "Sorry. Okay. I guess it wouldn't have been pretty smart for a normal person but it's _me_. I'm a werewolf. I'm super strong and I think I could have outdone whoever might have wanted to get to me. I just needed to blow off some steam, that's all."

Jacob may have decided that he didn't want to phase since he didn't want the guys to get a closer look at his thoughts, his body had different ideas. His body was so used to phasing on a regular basis that it was hard for it to stay in human form for such a long period of time. It had only been one month but Jacob often looked in pain and not because of Billy's death. Not only because of it anyway. He was fighting against the urge to phase. That's why he had taken the habit of going for a run every couple of days. His body could get rid of all the extra energy without having to be a wolf. But it was just a temporary solution. One day or the other, he would have to make a choice between stopping altogether and sharing his mind again. Yet another problem added to our growing pile.

I was aware that it was ridiculous of me to be scared that something bad could have happened while Jacob was out running. He was stronger than anyone else I knew. I had a hard time not being afraid for him. It seemed that he was so dependent of me lately that I couldn't help worrying that something might happen to him. It was stupid.

"But I'd left you a note, just in case you would wake up. When I came back you were sleeping just as soundly as before. I guess last night wore you out."

It was true that my body wasn't used to this kind of activity anymore, which was a pity actually. However, if every time we had sex was going to make me so tired that I would sleep as much as it did a few hours ago, I wasn't really looking forward to the next time. I loved having sex, I knew that. Since I left the bed and walked around a little bit, I'd found out that my legs and my back hurt more than usual. We'd made it through almost three months with barely any sex at all so I was sure that two more months wouldn't kill us. I was pretty certain that Jacob was waiting with impatience for the moment his wife's body would be back to normal even if he was doing a good job at denying it.

"I slept very well, you know. It was fantastic." It wasn't fair of me to admit it as he hadn't gotten the same sleep as I did yet, I knew Jacob and I knew he would be glad that I was able to get some rest. "Last night was great, too. I missed it. I missed you."

"I missed you, too." He spun me around so I was facing him. The discussion about the nightmare was over. For now. Jacob was smiling at me, his hand brushing the hair away from my face. Even though it was shorter, I still had some rebellious locks that I couldn't tame in the morning. He lowered his head until his lips brushed against mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, soaking up as much of his heat as I could. I was barefoot, which wasn't a brilliant idea in the first place, and being this close to the windows and to the frozen world outside, I was getting cold. Jacob seemed to notice it like he always did and he broke the kiss, much too soon to my liking.

"I don't know about you but I'm starving. What about you go put some warmer clothes on and I'll cook us something for breakfast. Deal?"

"As long as you don't burn down the kitchen; yes. Sure."

I grinned at him in response to his smile. He pouted before sticking his tongue out as he left the bedroom. It made me laugh and I was happy to see that he could find it in himself to smile and somehow get his mind off Billy for a few moments. Right now, his smile was totally different from the one he displayed when we had company. It wasn't forced and most of the sadness had deserted his face. Not completely but it was enough for me to be sure that he really enjoyed being with me. He didn't enjoy being in anyone else's company. If it meant that we weren't going to leave the house and go into town, it didn't matter to me. I wanted Jacob to get a few days of peace which could, maybe, help his healing process.

Unfortunately, we soon found out that there was nothing in the kitchen that we could use for a decent breakfast. We had some leftovers from the previous night, especially chocolate cake, but having it in the morning didn't sound like an appealing idea. Then, Jacob found some whipped cream and strawberries in the fridge, which sent his mind in overdrive. He looked so excited about this discovery that I couldn't bring myself to tell him that having sex was having secondary effects that I wasn't very fond of. I didn't want to lower his bright mood. Besides, I was positive we would manage to use these new goods without literally having sex. I decided to leave the conversation for another moment. The thing was, we still had nothing to eat.

Jacob remembered that the guy he talked to last night had mentioned a few diners and restaurants in town that we might be interested in checking out. So, after a warm shower and a promise that we would eat the strawberries later in the day, we were in the car, ready to go. It was rather cold outside, which didn't change us much from home except that the cottage didn't have a garage and the car had had to stay in front of the house during the night. It was freezing inside; so much that I had to keep my gloves on. It made Jacob laugh because before the heating system had the chance to kick in full force, my nose had turned bright red and made me look like a clown.

I couldn't find the strength in me to be mad at him for making fun of me because the simple fact that he was laughing so freely was a great improvement. The little house wasn't very far away from the closest town and by the time Jacob parked the car, I was still freezing. We hurried into the first diner we saw, only to be assailed by the blazing heat. The contrast was almost too great. So great that when my coat, my scarf, my gloves and my hat were off, I still couldn't brace myself to touch Jacob. His body was really warm but combined with the heat in the diner it was too much. Usually, times like that only happened during summer when we were visiting my mom. After a few minutes, my body finally grew accustomed to the atmosphere and I could relax.

I was starving and so was Jacob so we ordered our breakfast as fast as we could. While waiting for our order to arrive, I tried to see the town out of the window but steam covered the windowpanes. Exploring the town would have to wait for later. I managed to get Jacob to tell me exactly where we were since he hadn't wanted to do it last night. He said that it didn't really matter where we were. The most important thing was that we were there together. I agreed even if I was stubborn and wanted to know. He told me that we were in east Oregon, not very far away from Washington anyway, in a little town named Athena. I liked the name. It reminded me of the Greek goddess. I doubted that there was any connection between the town and her but at least I knew where I was staying for the weekend and could point it on a map. I was satisfied.

We ate in silence, too engrossed in the content of our plates. I usually didn't eat a lot in the morning, which worried Jacob because he wanted me to eat as healthy and as often as I could for the baby's sake. He was right but I didn't want to make myself sick by eating too early, at a time of the day when my body couldn't keep food down. It looked like last night's activities had made me a lot hungrier than what I'd imagined, though. I had to refrain myself from practically inhaling my breakfast. Jacob was obviously very pleased to see me eating with so much enthusiasm and he kept offering me more food from his own plate. It was sweet and I would have certainly agreed except for the fact that I knew he needed the energy like I did. Even if it wasn't for the same reasons, his body burned lots of calories and needed refills.

After almost one hour, we were both satisfied and invigorated by hot chocolate and coffee. The diner had started to fill up with regulars and it was getting a little bit too crowded for us. The constant chatting and laughter were bound to give me a headache; that added to the fact that Jacob was making fun of all the pink decorations all over the windows and the counter. He thought it was hilarious to see hearts, roses, and Cupids everywhere. An old guy, who was probable the owner, kept glancing at him, annoyed by his remarks since he wasn't being really discreet anyway. The waitress was constantly glancing at him, too. It was obvious she wasn't as annoyed as her boss and simply enjoyed being able to stare at my husband. I couldn't blame her but he was mine and she was making me uncomfortable, looking at him so often.

It took me a little time to put on all my winter apparel back on yet, after a couple of minutes, we left the dinner to face the cold street outside. The sun had managed to slip through the clouds but it wasn't enough to warm anything. Jacob, true to himself, was very afraid of having me stay in such cold weather for an extended period of time. He would have wanted to go straight back to the cottage. I managed to convince him that it would be a pity to have come so far and not taken the time to explore the town. Since it was a small town, it shouldn't take us long anyway. It turned out to be a great idea because at the end of the Main Street we came upon a shop selling baby stuff.

Jacob didn't like shopping and neither did I. Shopping for our baby was totally different, though. They had so many different racks full of clothes that it would have been hard for anyone to choose. The fact that we didn't know if I was expecting a boy or a girl was quite complicating things when it came to clothing. We hadn't bought anything yet because Renée had talked me into having a baby shower, which was a rather exciting idea. She said that she had already bought many things that we didn't have to bother to do it, too. She sounded so happy on the phone when she announced all the shopping she'd done so far that I couldn't bring myself to point out that she certainly shouldn't have wasted that much money on the baby. She was going to be a grandmother and after the first weeks when she complained that it made her feel old, she liked it.

It was nice to shop for the baby, though. We didn't buy a lot, only a few toys that we thought were too cute to be left behind. The funniest one was the purple monkey. As soon as I saw it I knew I had to have it because the baby would love it. The color was light and it was a _purple_ monkey! Not everyone had a purple monkey. We also bought a very fluffy, little blanket with elephants on it. It reminded us of the theme we picked for the nursery, which was perfect. When we were done with this shop, there wasn't anywhere else to go and we decided to go back to the car to eat lunch at the cottage. Jacob looked very happy that we were about to be alone, almost as much as he was when he tried to persuade me to buy a pink baby dress. I would have given in just by seeing his eyes but we couldn't afford to buy clothes that we may not even have to use. I promised I would buy the exact same dress if the baby ended up being a girl and it satisfied him.

As we were driving away from the small town, I knew I had to talk to him about the fact that I wasn't comfortable having sex again today. It was going to disappoint him so much; yet, I wasn't going to shut up and suffer just to please him. He was the one who started talking about the strawberries again, giving me the opening I had been waiting for. It was ridiculous to be as nervous as I was.

"Jake…I…Listen. It's stupid and I don't want to disappoint you but I…I don't think I…"

"What's wrong, Bells?" he cut me off, surprised by my hesitant tone. He took his eyes off the road to realize that I was really uncomfortable. "What's going on?"

"Last night was fantastic, Jake. Really, it was. But when I woke up this morning and I walked a little bit, my back was hurting a lot and I know it's because we had sex. I just don't think I can…do it another time today. And trust me, I hate myself for ruining it for you and I wish it'd be different but the baby is taking so much room and my body isn't used to the physical activity anymore and…" I started to ramble without realizing it. I needed him to know what the problem was and why it was like this before he could get angry or sad. His reaction was totally different from the one I expected. I didn't finish my sentence; I stared at him in disbelief instead when he burst out laughing, squeezing my hand and bringing it to his face so he could kiss my gloved fingers.

"Oh, I love you, you silly girl. You're so cute, you know? Getting anxious because of sex. I seriously didn't expect to make love to you last night and it hasn't crossed my mind that we could do it again today. I'm aware that it's starting to be difficult for you and I would be a jerk if I imposed something like this on you. You're my wife. I love you. I don't care if we don't have sex."

"Yeah, right," I snorted.

"Okay. Maybe I care a little. But it's okay because we don't have to have sex. There are plenty of other ways for us to have fun. Ways that guarantee us that you won't get hurt. And that's exactly what I had in mind. I already thought of four, maybe five, ways for us to use this cream and those strawberries. Trust me, you're gonna love it."

He flashed me a mischievous smile that instantly made me feel stupid. It was so ridiculous of me to be embarrassed to talk about what was bothering me. I should have known Jacob would find the right words to comfort me. It was also reassuring to hear that he wasn't disappointed that we couldn't have sex. Now, I couldn't wait to be back in the little cottage to experiment like he was implying.

The foam was bubbling all around us and the delicious scent escaping from it combined with the warm water was making me sleepy. After what Jacob and I had just done for the past hour or so, it wouldn't have surprised me if I'd fallen asleep in the tub. Besides, Jacob's chest against my back felt very cozy. I didn't want to move from my place. His hand was lazily roaming up and down my left arm while his other one was drawing circles on my thigh. I liked everything about taking a relaxing bath together. We didn't have to talk and to say the truth, I didn't think we had spoken more than a dozen words since we sat down in the hot water.

Jacob was right when he assured me that he had many ways for us to have fun without necessarily having sex. It was a big relief for me at first but it turned out that our activities were almost as good as actually making love. The sheets hadn't enjoyed it as much as we did, though, and I knew I would have to put them in the washing machine as soon as possible. Strawberry juice was rather hard to clean. If we had been at home, those sheets would already be washed and dried but after lying on the bed almost naked for some time, I decided that it could always wait a little bit more. I'd wanted to try the tub since I set foot in the bathroom the night before. Jacob also thought it was a great idea to relax us even more. I was already very well relaxed after I got to enjoy having Jacob eat cream and fruit out of my most sensitive body areas but I had to admit that the hot water was doing wonderful things to my sore back and legs.

"You okay?" Jacob asked, his mouth close to my ear as I sighed happily. His hand left my thigh to get lost in my hair, brushing the locks away from my forehead and my face. I always had a weak spot when a guy touched my hair and right now wasn't an exception. I sighed once again, snuggling closer to his body. His free arm wrapped around my waist in response.

"I was just thinking of what you did earlier and how amazing it was. Only thinking about it makes me want to have you…lick cream from my…pussy again." I could feel my cheeks burn and my heartbeat accelerates simply by saying the word. I definitely didn't like talking like this but I'd been wanted to stop acting like such a prude after my last conversation with Angela. By the way Jacob gasped behind me, I could tell that he hadn't been expected me to say that either.

"Hey…you see that you don't sound like a shy virgin, Bells. I like that…" He breathed in my ear, the tip of his tongue touching my skin while I found some courage within me to turn around a little bit and face him. He was looking at me with dark eyes but at the same time, I knew he was somewhat proud of me. I was kind of proud of me, too.

"Don't expect me to talk this way all the time, Jake. It's a start and it feels awkward but I want to try. It's ridiculous to be my age and not be able to use certain words without turning into a red tomato."

"I don't care if you don't say 'pussy' all the time. I don't care, Bells. I told you that yesterday. It's the way you are and I don't want you to change unless you really want to. I love you the way you are." I was aware of that and grateful, too. Jacob lowered his mouth to kiss me, as if it was a reward for saying something dirty.

"How are you feeling about it?" he asked when he released my lips. He still tasted like strawberries. I didn't want him to stop kissing me.

"It's weird. It's strange to hear myself saying it and then, I don't know. I guess I could like it. I mean, if you like it, there's no reason I can't be able to do it."

"Honey, I'm a man. It's in my genes or something to like these sorts of words. When I was a teenager those were the words that would make me snicker like an idiot. Now, it's true that hearing you say it, it turns me on. But we've made it all these years without you talking dirty and I survived. I'll be totally fine if you never say _that_ word again. You said it once and it's enough. It's more than enough, trust me."

If he didn't stop reassuring me and saying how much he loved me, I was pretty sure I was going to end up crying. I loved how supportive he was even if I was overreacting over very small things that weren't really problems in the first place. He had to have a secret skill to find the right thing to say to me every single time.

"I'm so glad I realized how much you meant to me all these years ago. And I'm so glad I married you. You complete me in a way I would have never thought possible." Before I could even blink, both of his arms snuck around my waist, keeping me in place while he moved in the tub so he was in front of me, his legs locked under mine. He pulled me into a strong hug, his hands almost clawing my back in his need to get me closer to him.

"Okay," he said after a moment. He breathed deeply in my neck. "I love you so very much but you need to stop telling me stuff like this or else I'm going to start crying and I don't want to. I've been feeling so well since we got here that I don't want to ruin everything by crying."

I broke away from him to find his eyes pleading with me. He was serious and I couldn't blame him for what he just asked for. Jacob only shed a few tears last night when admitting that it was Billy's idea to rent the cottage for Valentine's Day. He'd been smiling and laughing all day today. I certainly didn't want to ruin the rest of the weekend by making him emotional. I knew Jacob well enough to know that he would hate himself if he spent the rest of the night in tears just because of my love declarations. Anyway, he knew how I felt better than I did sometimes. He didn't need me saying it out loud.

"Since you're feeling as emotional as a girl, what about some chocolate cake to comfort you?" I joked, kissing his cheek lightly and winking at him. I had the time to see his shocked expression before I turned around to get out of the tub. The bottom of it was anti-slippery, which was rather useful for me because without it, I was fairly certain that an accident might have occurred already. Jacob was faster than me, which wasn't a surprise, and he was out of the bathroom before I could even step out of the tub completely. He shouted something about me getting back in the water or I would get cold. I shouted back that he could have at least dried his feet instead of walking around the house naked and wet. Water was going to drip all over the living room and the kitchen and I didn't have to be a genius to guess who would be the one mopping it.

Since I was already standing, though, I decided to get out and use the toilet first. It was true that as soon as my feet touched the tiled floor, I wasn't so sure about it but I also knew that I would have to get up from the tub in the next hour or so anyway. I draped a towel around my shoulders and hurried to the other side of the bathroom. It didn't take me long to find out why it was so cold in there. It hadn't been obvious with Jacob very close to my body but a small window was open and the air coming from outside was freezing.

"I'll never complain about his body heat ever again," I muttered while trying to find a way to close the window. Jacob was making lots of noise down the hallway but I didn't want to have to wait for him to do it. I was perfectly capable of closing a window by myself.

It turned out that I was wrong. It was stuck into place and no matter how hard I tried to push it down, the window wouldn't budge. I pushed down again with all my strength then I repeated the action once, twice and finally, the window started to move. I was very proud of myself for managing to close it all by myself. It might have sound silly yet, knowing how clumsy I was it was a big accomplishment.

I pushed the window down one last time, effectively shutting it. What I wasn't prepared for was that it wasn't as difficult as it had been at the start. The window fell down in place with a loud thud, sending my wrist banging against the wooden frame. It took me by surprise and I couldn't muffle my cry of hurt. Tears filled my eyes as I shook my hand to get rid of the pain. It didn't work. It made me hurt even more.

"Shoot, Bella! You idiot!" I cursed myself just as Jacob came back in the bathroom, empty-handed. He must have heard me shout, and being his always worried self, he came back to see what happened to me. I didn't manage to stop the tears from flowing down my eyes when he took my wrist in his hand to take a closer look at it. He only touched it with his fingertips yet, it hurt as much as if he had walked on it. I was stupid. Only me could get hurt when closing a window.

"Stop, Jake. It hurts." I snapped my hand out of his grasp, sending shots of pain through it in the process. I wanted it to go away. It couldn't last forever, could it? It was just a small injury. It would go away in a few minutes.

"I think we should go to the hospital, Bella. Just to be sure."

"What? Are you serious? It's nothing, really. I'm clumsy and I hit myself. It's nothing. I won't feel anything soon. It's only a matter of minutes. No need for you to be scared."

"I don't know…It's super red and you can't even move your hand without wincing."

"That's not true!" I tried to convince him. "And I won't go to the hospital just because I don't know how to close a window. It's ridiculous. Let's go get that chocolate cake and I promise you it'll get better in a few." He didn't look reassured or satisfied by my words at all. He was about to open his mouth to protest. I stopped him by covering it with my hand. Bad idea. It was actually hurting more than what I'd imagined. I really didn't want to admit it but it looked like I could end up with more than a simple bruise this time. It was ridiculous.

"Listen, Bella. I think it's better to go to the hospital. At least to be sure that nothing's broken. You can't walk around with a broken wrist for the rest of the weekend."

"But…but you planned these few days so we could relax. Going to the hospital wasn't part of the plan. I don't want to ruin your plan."

"I don't have a plan, honey. The plan was to be with you. If I have to be with you in a hospital then so be it. Sure, it's not the place I would have picked if I'd had a choice but that's the way life goes. Oh no, don't cry!" he exclaimed when I couldn't keep the tears inside anymore. I was so angry with myself for ruining everything and at the same time, my hand hurt more and more. I didn't like it but it was clear we would end up spending a part of the night at the hospital. Jacob held me tight, rubbing my back and whispering words of comfort in my ear until I stopped sobbing. He was the one who didn't want to cry a couple of minutes ago and here I was, doing exactly what he had tried not to do.

"Let's get dressed and then we'll go, okay? And don't cry. It's all right. I'm here. I'm not mad at you if that's what you think. It's gonna be okay. Trust me." I nodded, wiping the tears away from my face. Jacob grabbed a towel for himself and we went to the bedroom to put on some clothes. Before leaving the house, I got some ice from the fridge. The feeling of it on my skin was easing a little the pain but by the time we arrived at the hospital, my entire hand was numbed.

The town was so small that the hospital was even smaller than the one we had in Forks. It didn't mean that it was deserted. There were lots of people waiting to be seen by a doctor. I'd hoped that by the time someone would be able to see us the pain would have gone away for good. The ice had melted long before a nurse came to Jacob and me, my file in her hand. She took a quick look at my wrist, which was still bright red, and I winced when she manipulated it. After a few minutes, we were sent to another floor to get an x-ray of my hand. I couldn't quite believe we were there simply because of a stupid window. I would have slapped myself if Jacob hadn't been with me.

Since we entered the building, he hadn't stopped comforting me and saying that it wasn't my fault or that I couldn't blame myself. I liked the attention and the fact that he wasn't mad at me but it was starting to get on my nerves. I wasn't a baby and I didn't need him hovering over me as if I was a child or about to die. He kept asking stuff to the nurse and the x-ray technician about very small details and more importantly, he kept warning them that I was pregnant so they had to be careful. As if it wasn't obvious that I was expecting a baby. I felt like I was going to snap something mean at him and it wasn't fair at all. He hadn't done everything wrong but try to be helpful.

When we finally managed to leave the x-ray department, we were sent back to the ER where we had to wait for a doctor to tell us if my wrist was broken or not. I really didn't want it to be broken. I couldn't go around with a broken hand. Life was already hard enough with a big belly getting in my way but if I had only one hand available, it was going to be like hell. Waiting for the doctor was the longest part. There never seemed to be one available. I could feel Jacob growing impatient and angrier by the minute. We'd been in the hospital for three hours. Once he started to ask every single person with a white coat why it was taking them so long to deal with us, I decided I was hungry, which was true in the first place. I was pretty certain that Jacob was hungry, too. I sent him to the cafeteria to get us some sandwiches and hot drinks after I promised to not leave the bed I was sitting on.

It was nice to be by myself for a few minutes without someone constantly looking at me as if I had cancer. I missed his arms around me but he would be back soon. The relative quiet was welcome. Granted, it wasn't quiet at all yet, I didn't have a person talking non-stop right next to me. This sort of silence was welcome. I was still nursing my left hand in my right one, touching it lightly to judge if it was hurting less than before. I didn't hear anyone come to me so when I heard a voice behind me, I almost fell down from the bed.

"Hello, Mrs. Black. I'm Doctor Cullen. Let's look at this wrist, shall we?"

My head snapped up too fast but I was too shocked to register the dizziness. _Cullen_?

* * *

*big evil grin*

Reviews?

**Chapter 32: ...And a Little Bit of Hell**

**"I swear to God that if there's only one hair missing on her head, it's gonna be my great pleasure to rip your own head off and light a giant bonfire for your creepy bones. Is that clear?"**


	34. Chapter 32

**32….And A Little Bit Of Hell**

_**Bella's PoV**_

_**Saturday, 14****th**** of February.**_

_"Hello, Mrs. Black. I'm Doctor Cullen. Let's look at this wrist, shall we?"_

_My head snapped up too fast but I was too shocked to register the dizziness. Cullen?_

I was dreaming. Or hallucinating. One or the other. There was no way this man was standing in front of me. I was stressed, tired, and hurt. The pain from my wrist was making my brain see crazy things. Plus, I was in a hospital, which had to help with the confusion. Of course this wasn't happening. Obviously there really was a man in a white coat, with my file in his hands, but his real face was certainly not the one I was staring at. I was going to close my eyes and when I'd open them again everything would be back to normal.

Panic started to shoot through me after I blinked a couple of times. The hallucination didn't go away. I was still seeing the same face. A face from the past that only reminded me of bad memories. Memories of a lovesick teenage girl who could have died on her 18th birthday, memories of a girl who almost didn't survive what she believed was the worst break up of all times. Memories of a girl who lost people she considered her friends and family without having a chance to say goodbye. I'd buried all this pain deep inside of me because I knew it'd never totally disappear and the best for me to do was to move on with my life and stop thinking about it.

One glance at his face and the feelings came back so hard that they blurred my sight which was already blank with colored spots flashing brightly. I was going to be sick. Or I was going to faint. My heartbeat was going wild and it was difficult to breathe. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be happening. This man wasn't even the one who broke my heart. He had done nothing to me but treat me kindly, being caring and very helpful every time I injured myself. But he was one of them. One of those who left without looking back. What was he doing here? I didn't want him to be here.

He looked surprised to see me, too. Not as shocked as I was, yet I knew that they were quite good at keeping their cool. Especially him. He looked at me closely as if to be sure that it was really me. I wished he was seeing someone else. I wished I hadn't been stupid enough to hurt my wrist. I wished they'd sent another doctor. Anyone but him. Abruptly, I wasn't the grown-up woman I was supposed to be. She'd been replaced by the young girl I was in high school. The one who thought she wasn't worth anything, the one who didn't have faith in herself. The one it took Jacob so long to mend and repair.

I needed Jacob. He needed to be here to help me keep it together. If he was here I was sure he would make it better. He always made things better; he was so good at fixing me. It was something I'd forgotten over the years because it just seemed natural now for him to do so. One look, one touch, and he could make troubles insignificant. But he was somewhere else in the hospital. I was tired and didn't want to snap something mean at him so I'd sent him somewhere else. I sent him away just to have a moment of peace. It had turned out to be hell. And I still had to talk or at least move. It was as if I was petrified. It was obvious to the man that I'd recognized him, though. How could you not recognize someone as beautiful as him? As mesmerizing?

He hadn't changed one bit. The same blonde hair, the exact same face. Not a single wrinkle on it. Nothing. It was so unnatural to me, so not normal. And the eyes. I hadn't seen a vampire in years, not that I missed it, but I would never forget the golden color of their pupils. A color that I used to find so gorgeous and captivating. These eyes were now staring at me intently. Maybe he thought I wasn't the one he supposed me to be. He may not have changed but I had. I was older by almost ten years. I was also pregnant, which deformed my shape.

I desperately wanted to ask him to stop staring; it was making me even more uncomfortable. I wanted to blink again, to close my eyes and see happy things. I couldn't stop looking at him, though. There was a time when I only saw him as my boyfriend's father. He was a fatherly figure and besides, I was too in love with his "son" to pay him any attention. Now was different. I was feeling this ridiculous attraction to him. The bait they usually used to lure their victims. Even though I was aware of what he was, of the effect he had on me, I couldn't prevent it. I was going to be sick.

I started to feel extremely hot. My healthy hand, the right one, came to rest on my stomach. I was panicking and the baby was kicking like crazy because of it. The doctor's eyes darted from my face to my hand, as if he'd noticed something more important. I didn't have to look down to see what it was. He'd caught sight of my scar. There was no doubt for him anymore. I tried to ask him to go away but every time I opened my mouth, nothing came out. It simply made it harder for me to breathe. If he left, maybe my body would recover. Maybe I'd be able to calm down. Then he was talking to me; I could see his lips moving. I couldn't hear anything. The entire hospital room had gone silent. It was only a blur, actually. The blurry vision I had at the start had finally focused solely on the person next to my bed. The rest was too fuzzy.

Dizziness overtook me all of a sudden and everything started spinning. Exactly like it does when you're drunk. I felt the urge to throw up but I didn't think my legs would carry me to the nearest bathroom. Making a show of myself was out of the question so I settled for simply laying down. I used my arms to lower me down on the bed, which was a bad idea. My feelings and surroundings were confused. I was so confused that I didn't remember not to use my left arm. I pushed down with my hurt wrist.

"Ouch!" The resulting pain was as intense as it was in the bathroom. It had the positive effect of bringing me back to reality. Sounds and loud noises were heard around me. I also snapped out of my trance and I had tears in my eyes. Why did it always happen to me? Couldn't I have a simple and normal life?

"Be careful, Bella." He caught my arm to prevent me from falling abruptly. His cool touch eased the pain faster than the ice had done before. Past the first few relaxing seconds, I only felt nervous about him touching me. I wasn't used to cold anymore since I had a pair of warm arms holding me all the time. At this precise moment, I couldn't understand why I didn't mind being held by someone with skin so cold all these years ago. A shiver ran down my spine, intensified by the fact that hearing his voice made it all very much real. I hadn't forgotten how melodic their voices were. There was an edge to it which made it sound like they were singing non-stop.

"Get your hands off of her." It was just a snarl but I'd recognize his voice no matter what. My heartbeat calmed down a little bit. Simply knowing that Jacob was with me again had the soothing effect I'd been waiting for. The other man glanced over my head, this time clearly shocked and retreated to the other side of the bed.

I had never seen how Jacob behaved in presence of a vampire. It must also have been the first time he wasn't in wolf form while facing one. When I turned around to get the comfort I was desperate for, one look at him stopped me short. His entire body was shaking like he could burst apart at any second. His fists were clenched to his sides. He was fighting the urge to phase. Being that we were surrounded by people who had no idea what was going on, phasing on the spot wasn't possible. I felt bad for him because he often told me how wild his wolf side could get when he chased a vampire. The only thing he had to focus on was killing it. And right now, he wasn't allowed to. He had to protect the tribe, their secret. He couldn't put all the patients, the nurses, and the doctors in danger.

All these emotions and much more were reflected on his face. He wasn't my Jacob anymore; he was a totally different person. I knew my husband was still in there, somewhere, but it was as if he had switched into someone else. Someone who had already killed. Someone who had no regret or remorse about having killed. It was his job and he desperately wanted to do it. His features were twisted both in anger and in frustration. His fists clenched and unclenched.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean any harm."

"Yeah, right, you fucking leech. You…you…How sick is it to get into a hospital to find…Get away from my wife…I…I…"

"Jake, calm down, please," I pleaded, lifting my good hand to touch his arm. I felt his body tense and it seemed to me that I should have been afraid of being so close. I was aware of what could happen if you stood too close to an angry werewolf. I couldn't find it in myself to be scared. This was Jacob and it didn't matter that he didn't _look_ like Jacob right now. I knew it was him and there was no way he would ever hurt me. This was enough to encourage me. He had stepped really close to my bed until his knees bumped into it and he couldn't walk any further.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my head in his chest. I soaked up as much warmth as I could, relieved to feel his body slightly relax against mine. My own breathing wasn't as labored as earlier and my heartbeat was quickly coming back to normal.

"It's one of them," I whispered in a trembling voice but they both heard me. The man behind me seemed extremely confused by what was going on. I bet he had registered the fact that Jacob had called him a leech. Did he know that he was a Quileute? That he was a warrior made specially to kill his species?

"I know. And I swear to God I'm gonna kill him when I'll leave this place. How dare you get people from the _hospital_ and…"

"No, Jake. It's one of _them_," I repeated, accentuating the 'them'. Jacob didn't understand what I was saying. He assumed this was just any vampire. One who was looking for victims. I looked up at him so he could see my face and figure it out without me having to say their name. I may have a member of their family next to me but, I didn't think I could bear to say their name out loud.

Jacob's body tensed again. His eyes were once more clouded with anger but his arms came to rest around my shoulders, bringing me closer. I hid my head again, wishing we could just leave. At the same time, my wrist was hurting like hell. Maybe I could try to get Jacob to stop wanting to commit murder in public and find another doctor even though I doubted we would be successful. The place was so busy that it might take us another three hours before another person would be able to see me.

"You're a…Cullen?" It took a whole thirty seconds for Jacob to manage to say it. Beyond the rage, it was obvious that he was as shocked as I was when I first laid eyes on Carlisle. Then, as fast as they had appeared, Jacob's arms were gone. He took a step back from me, watching me intently. I had no idea what was going through his head. The only thing I was certain of was that I needed him closer. It was all better when he was closer. I didn't care that he was shaking and must have been on the verge of phasing. I didn't care and I wanted him back in my arms. "You're…Cullen? I'm gonna fucking kill you!"

"Please, calm down. Hear me out, will you?" I tried to catch Jacob's arm but I wasn't quick enough and before I knew it, he was facing Carlisle. The vampire exhaled calm and if he hadn't recovered from his shock, you couldn't see it. Nothing but calm emanated from him.

"People are watching, Jake," I hissed, sliding down from the bed to stand on my own feet. Jacob hadn't been really careful with his threat and some people around us had heard him. Their conversations died away, focused on our situation instead. From the corner of my eye, I noticed a security guard eyeing us closely, too. No. We'd had enough drama already. No need to end up at a police station for threatening a doctor.

I moved closer to Jacob, fighting against my shaking nerves for being so close to Carlisle. I wasn't particularly afraid of him since I knew he wasn't going to attack me or anything. His appearance had just been too sudden and I was still under the shock of it. I tried to deliberately ignore him, stepping between him and my husband. When I lifted my hand to rest it on his chest, he looked down at me. I could see murder in his eyes. He was deadly serious about killing Carlisle, except that he was mistaken. He'd reacted too quickly to the news and came to the wrong conclusion.

"Jake…It's not _him_," I said in a calm voice while running my hand up and down his arm. He needed to calm down. This was the only way I could think of. Talking to him quietly and keeping some physical contact between us. "He's not who you think he is. He's his…dad." I couldn't find of a better word for it.

"His dad, my ass," Jacob snorted. "Let's get you out of here, Bells. I don't want you near one of them."

"Listen. I truly apologize. I had no idea it was Bella I was preparing to treat," Carlisle began to explain. I wrapped my arms around Jacob's waist once again. His body was getting more and more tense and hearing his enemy talking to him wasn't helping. "The file listed her as 'Isabella Black' but I can assure you that, if I had known, I wouldn't have come and disturbed you."

Well, that hurt. He would have known I was in the same hospital in which he's working and he would have avoided me on purpose? Did they all despise me so much that they couldn't bear to be near me? It hurt almost as much as when they all left without saying goodbye. They wanted to have nothing to do with me anymore. On the other hand, it would have been better for me not to see him at all. I would have just seen a random doctor, would have gotten some random meds and Jacob and I would already be back in the house, getting ready to go to bed.

"Whatever. Apologies not accepted. We're leaving. C'mon, Bella." Jacob grabbed my good hand as if to drag me away. I appreciated the fact that he wasn't only focused on killing someone anymore but in the midst of all that had just happened, he seemed to have forgotten why we were in this hospital in the first place.

"Wait, Jake. My wrist still hurts. I want to see a doctor." He stopped dead in his tracks and Carlisle seemed to completely leave his mind for a tiny bit. He now looked ashamed.

"Bella, I…"

"Don't you say you're sorry for forgetting about it. It's okay. I just want someone to look at it. Maybe we could find another doctor or something?" I trailed off, perfectly aware that finding someone else to examine me was going to take hours. There was only one option available to me. I hated it since it would oblige me to stay near that ghost from the past longer than necessary. It didn't take long for Jacob to understand and he slowly shook his head at me, worry filling his eyes to replace the shame in them.

"It's the only solution. I don't want to be stuck in this hospital any longer. I promise he won't hurt me. Right, Carlisle?"

"Absolutely. You have my word that nothing will happen to her."

"Please, Jake? I want to go home soon. I want to be with you and only you. And our kangaroo. Please? I know you hate it and I do, too." I was talking really slowly, intending to convince him. He looked so shaken by the entire situation, him being so close to a vampire and not being able to do what his instincts told him to; the vampire being someone I actually knew, someone who'd indirectly hurt me so much. "But the sooner he'll look at my hand, the sooner we'll be able to leave. I wish it could be another doctor. I simply don't have a choice. Please?" _Take that, Carlisle,_ I thought. _You can't stand being next to me? Well, it looks like it's the same for me._

I could tell that Jacob was having an inner debate over this. In the end, though, my health, at least the physical one, won over. He sat me back on the bed, his hand clasped around mine. He was holding it so strongly the blood may not get through his grip but I didn't really care.

Carlisle started to look in my file, talking about numbers and figures I didn't know the meaning before he finally moved closer to us to check my wrist. All of a sudden, Jacob growled making the other back away. It seemed that Jacob couldn't bear to see a vampire touch me, not that I blamed him but we were never going to get this done at this rate.

"Jake, sweetie? Why don't you go wait for me outside? Get some fresh air, blow off some steam. I'll be with you in a minute, and in one piece. I promise." He was still hesitating, his eyes darting from me to the one he called a leech but in his heart, he knew I was right. If he stayed inside with us, he was going to end up attacking Carlisle for real.

"I swear to God that if there's even one hair missing on her head, it's gonna be my great pleasure to rip your own head off and light a giant bonfire for your creepy bones. Is that clear?" If Carlisle hadn't figured out that Jacob was a Quileute and, thus a werewolf, I think this would have helped lift the veil for him. The fact that Jacob was as serious as he'd ever been must have helped, too. Carlisle simply nodded, certainly understanding that it was better if he didn't talk to Jacob at all anymore.

"I love you. I love you. I love you," Jacob chanted against my mouth when he bent down to kiss me. It was killing him to leave me alone but he didn't have a choice. He sounded like he was never going to see me again. I could understand why he was feeling this way after all the drama that had been going on in our lives. His eyes were full of worry for me. I'd been strong for Jacob before and I could do it again today. "I love you so much. I'll see you in a few. It's gonna be all right." He said it more for himself than for me. He hugged me one last time and left the place without looking back.

Only at that moment did I realize what I'd just done. I was alone with Carlisle once again. I'd been panicking the first time and I'd just put myself into the same situation. It had been a stupid move because my heart starting to accelerate again. Making Jacob calm down and stopping him from wanting to commit murder had made me forget that being so close to Carlisle had an unnerving effect on me. So I tried to ignore him as best as I could. I couldn't keep my breathing even, though, and I gave up quite quickly. I didn't speak one word, just waiting for him to be done.

"All right. Good news. Your wrist isn't broken," he stated after he looked at my x-ray and manipulated my hand. I tried very hard not to wince when he did that and failed miserably. His fingers were so cold. "But it looks like you have a minor sprain. How did you get hurt?"

"I tried to close a window," I muttered. To my relief, he didn't laugh. He must remember how clumsy I was all these years ago. I hadn't changed. And it was also a great relief that I didn't break any bone. A bit of good luck in this day.

"May I ask you a question, Bella? Is your husband, by any chance, Quileute?" Carlisle asked not waiting for me to respond. I was trying to ignore him, willing the time to go faster but he was taking his time bandaging my hand. He didn't want to go any faster than any human would go. Still the same careful man.

"Yes, he is. You must have noticed. As a matter of fact, he's the Chief of the tribe." I had absolutely no idea why I mentioned this bit of information. It wasn't like he needed to know it. But a part of me wanted to show that Jacob was a great man, not only one who wanted to kill vampires, even if it was for legitimate reasons.

"He looks so much like his great-grandfather, it wasn't hard to see the relation. Besides, I don't know a lot of people who wouldn't be afraid to kill me and tell me so."

"He was serious, you know." I stated quietly. It amazed me how easily he moved my wrist without causing any pain. He was a very talented doctor. Years and years of practice after all.

"I know. And it's all my fault, really. I should have realized it was you. I would have left you alone. After all these years, it was obvious you may not appreciate my appearing out of the blue. I apologize again. Yet, you don't have the same scent as you used to have before. I imagine that's why I came to you without expecting to actually see _you_." Did he just say my smell changed? Did it mean I smelled bad? I couldn't smell bad! I'd just taken a bath before coming to the hospital! How rude of him to say such a horrible thing. I didn't remember Carlisle being so forward and mean.

"Are you taking anything against stress, Bella? You heart is beating a little bit too fast and so is the baby's. It's not good for you to be so stressed out at this stage of your pregnancy." He was back in doctor mode now. My hand was completely bandaged but he had moved to other problems. I would still be stuck on him saying that I smelled bad if he hadn't talked about the baby. This got my entire attention. The baby actually felt kind of agitated. I really needed to get out of here.

"I'm taking vitamins, that's all. It's quite a shock for me, too, to see you here. But as soon as I'm gone I'll be fine. Don't you worry about me."

"I could always give you some medication if you want. It won't hurt you. It's just some herbs mixed together that could help you relax. You need to be more relaxed or you will go into labor earlier than expected. When are you due?"

"April. Can I…Can I go now? I need some fresh air as well, I think."

"Yes, you're free to go. Be careful not to use your hand and be sure to go see your doctor at home as soon as you get the chance. Bella, wait." I was almost out of the room. I couldn't afford more medication than what I was already taking so if he was going to insist, it was going to get on my nerves. Besides, I didn't know what else to say. It wasn't like I could flash him a big smile and exclaim how delightful it was to meet him again after all this time. I wanted to leave and go to Jacob. But he was a doctor, no matter what he _was_, and he had inquired about my health. Maybe he wasn't exactly done yet. I stopped and turned around to face him.

"Please, tell your husband that I'm very sorry I upset him. I understand how hard it must have been for him to leave you alone with me and I'm grateful he allowed me to take care of you. And no hard feelings over the part where he wanted to kill me." He displayed a small smile, making me want to smile in return. I didn't. "Also, I may add that Esme lives with me here. I doubt that you want to see more of us but, in case you change your mind, here's our address." I watched dumbfounded as he gave me a piece a paper with the directions to his house. I guess he didn't mind using his super speed for this because it would have been impossible for a normal person to produce the note as quickly as he did. I grabbed it unconsciously. Did he really think I was going to pay them a visit?

"Hmmm. Thanks. I don't know if we'll have time to come, though. I should probably go now or Jacob's going to wonder where I am. Thanks again, Carlisle. Bye." I didn't wait for an answer and hurried to the exit of the hospital as fast as I could.

Jacob wasn't difficult to spot outside. He was pacing back and forth in front of the ER entrance and I almost collided with him in my hurry to get as far as possible from Carlisle. Before I could take a step back, Jacob had his arms wrapped around me, my head buried in his chest. I couldn't quite breathe correctly but, frankly, I didn't care. I needed the closeness he was providing.

"Oh God, Bella! Are you okay? I'm so sorry I had to leave you by yourself. I'm so sorry, honey."

"It's fine, Jake. I'm here now. I'm here and I'm not leaving your side again." I locked my arms around his neck, squeezing with the little strength I had left. Being this close to him, I felt like I could breathe again. My brain wasn't saturated with a scent, a smile, a voice, and everything related to a vampire. All of those would have made me sick in the end. I wanted to go away from the hospital, both for my sake and Jacob's. I wanted to tell him so but it was obvious from the way he was hugging me that he needed to realize that that nothing had happened to me after he left and that I was all right, physically at least. Emotionally, it was another story. Just like it did inside the ER, Jacob's presence next to me soothed me a bit. My heartbeat was slowly going back to normal. Yet, I knew I wasn't going to be able to shake off the fact that I'd just seen Carlisle after all these years. It was weird, scary, and highly uncomfortable for me.

"I was going crazy there all by myself. I wanted to get back to you. He could have gone crazy and I couldn't have forgiven myself if something had gone wrong. I'm so glad you're okay. You're okay, right?"

"Well, I sprained my wrist but I told you he wasn't going to attack me. I know him. No matter how strange it seems to you, I do know him. At least I used to and from what I remember, he never lost control while doing his job."

"He shouldn't be a doctor. He shouldn't be able to be close to people. Hell, he shouldn't even exist. I hate him." I could feel his body shudder against mine. It was probably better if we left the hospital altogether instead of just standing in from of the building where Jacob's enemy was working.

"Can we go now, Jake? I think it's better if we go." I reluctantly let go of my hold on him. I was right. His eyes were exactly like they were a few minutes ago. He was having a hard time keeping the wolf inside. He wanted to kill. It was natural for him to do so. I guess if it had been a normal situation with a different vampire, it would already be dead and burned. I couldn't begin to imagine how much control Jacob must be exercising over himself to manage to stay in human form. I tugged on his hand to get him to move since his face was still focused on the entrance of the hospital. When he looked down at me, it seemed to calm him a little bit and he finally snapped out of his trance. But he still wasn't moving along with me.

"Jake? You need to come with me. You can't camp here waiting for him to come out."

"What? Oh, right. Sorry. I just…I mean…I'm me and he's…he's…he's a _leech_," he spat. "Everything is screaming at me to go back inside and tear him to pieces. It's so hard to not do so."

"Sweetie, I understand but please." I didn't know what to do. Jacob wasn't going to willingly move and I felt lost. I was afraid that, with this added to the exhaustion and the shock, I was going to snap something mean at him. I couldn't let myself do that because he wasn't doing anything wrong per se. He was acting on instincts and fighting them. Being so close to Carlisle wasn't something I was comfortable with either and I desperately wanted to go back to the house. Just when I thought that nothing I would say would help me get Jacob in the car, I remembered something important. Something that made it impossible for him to kill Carlisle.

"Jacob, look at me. You _can't_ kill him. He's a…" I took a very breath. "…a Cullen." That definitely hurt: saying the name out loud. I hadn't said it in years, avoiding it on purpose. I blocked out the pain in my heart. Right now, it wasn't about me, it was about my husband.

"You made a treaty with his family. Not you but the tribe, your great-grandfather and his pack. They agreed not to kill them as long as they didn't hunt humans, right? You can't go back or else you'd be breaking your treaty. God only knows what would happen next. You're too important for me to agree to lose you over a stupid mystical war if you make a mistake. Please, let's just go." I was clearly pleading by then, hoping I had gotten all the information right. I think I did because Jacob looked at me, his features clearly relaxed and his body stopped shaking. He hung his head in defeat and didn't put any resistance to being led to the car. We both got in and left the parking lot.

"It's just that when I saw him this close to you I…I thought that I was going to lose you, too. It made me so angry. And awfully worried," Jacob confessed after a little while. He was clutching the steering wheel with both hands, something he rarely did except when he was pissed. This time, his grip was so tight that if he would have broken the thing in two, it wouldn't have surprised me. I understood his reasoning a little better. It made sense for him to still be afraid about losing people he loved.

"You don't have to justify yourself. I think I understand how difficult it must have been for you to be in the same room as him and not attack him."

"I've the best control over phasing in the pack. I do. But this was so unreal. I've never been that close to a vampire as a human. It literally took everything I had not to phase on the spot. You being there helped so much. No matter how hard I wanted to destroy him, I couldn't take the risk of hurting you."

"I'm glad you didn't gave in to your urges, Jake," I said, leaning over and squeezing his arm. The farther we drove from the hospital, the more relaxed he seemed to get. "And you'll never lose me. I promised you last month and I won't break that promise. I'll say it every day until you get convinced of it. You won't lose us."

I saw him take a very deep breath and force a smile on his face. The weekend was totally ruined now. It had been perfect so far, we'd managed to leave the problems at home. We simply didn't expect to find more on our vacation. Those few days were supposed to help us relax. It wasn't the case anymore. I couldn't sit still in my seat. I kept chewing on my nails, biting on my lips. I hated being restless. I hated the fact that our lives had been pretty messed up lately and they kept getting even messier. I hated the fact that after all this time I'd felt so much pain when I saw Carlisle. I should have healed. It shouldn't matter to me anymore. He was a part of my past. He should only be a distant memory in my mind. He was supposed to stay tucked away with all the other memories I had about his family. He should have stayed hidden in the corner of my mind where the pain their leaving brought on me was hidden, buried under the illusion that it didn't matter that they abandoned me without a single warning.

But obviously I hadn't healed at all. I had accepted that I would never be the same after they left even if it bothered me. I would never be over them but the pain wasn't as horrific and unbearable as on the day of my breakup. Sometimes, I didn't even think about them at all. They were always there but less and less as time passed because I'd decided that I wasn't going to let them ruin my life more. Living with Jacob was the best thing that had ever happened to me. He gave me so much back when we first started to hang out together and every day since. I was more than happy with him and enjoyed every minute of our life. I hated the Cullens for crashing my world at the least appropriate moment. I hated them for ruining my sanity again.

I let out a strangled cry at the thought that I still had the crumbled piece of paper with Carlisle and Esme's address in my pocket. How could he assume that I would want to go see them after all they did to me? Why would they want me to come anyway? If he could have avoided it, he would have made sure _not_ to be my doctor at the hospital. I desperately needed to relax because I fully knew the implication of being so stressed out while being pregnant. I didn't seem to be able to calm down. It was all coming down on me. Unable to help it, I started to cry and soon enough, I had difficulty breathing again.

"Bella? What's going on? Are you still hurting? Do I need to stop?" Jacob was panicking once again.

"It's…I…It's one of them! And I thought they were gone forever but they aren't! I thought I would never see any of them ever again! It hurts so bad! Why was he there, Jake? Why?" I choked on my words, the tears blurring my sight. I'd been strong before because I had to focus on Jacob. Now, though, it was my turn to break down.

"I'm such an idiot, honey! Hold on." He parked the car on the side of the road, unbuckled his seat belt, and opened the door. An instant later, he was opening mine, kneeling next to me and gathering me in his arms. I couldn't stop crying. They were tears of frustration mixed with anguished ones. I almost fell off of my seat in my haste to get close to Jacob again. It was as if only his arms were keeping me together. "Here I am complaining about how hard it was for me but it's so much worse for you. I wish I could make all the bad memories go away. I'm so sorry." He rubbed my back after that. We didn't talk anymore, just waited for me to stop crying.

"I really believed I was done with them all. I wish I could be done with them. I wish they never existed." I said after a few minutes, sniffing.

"Sshh, Bells, sshh. Take a deep breath. I'm here. Nothing's going to happen to you."

"I wish it didn't hurt this much. It should be like seeing an old boyfriend's father. It should maybe be awkward but not hurt like it does. I can't breathe straight and I thought I was having a panic attack when I realized he was really in front of me."

"From what you told me, you never had a typical relationship with them. How could you have, anyway? They aren't from our world. You aren't supposed to interact with them except if they want to feed on you. And if they do, you won't be living afterwards to cry over them. You didn't have the usual relationship so it's not a wonder you're reacting like this." He whispered in my hair, trying to reassure me as best as he could. Hearing his voice was good but I needed to say everything I was feeling out loud to get better. It wasn't healthy to keep it all inside and anyway, I wouldn't have managed to do it.

"Is it too much to ask to be able to stop being affected by them? I want it to be over but…This is so bad, Jake. Why was he there? Why did they decide to settle in this precise town? Why did I decide to…"

"What did you say?" Jacob cut off my rambling, his hand finding my chin to tilt my head up so he could look at me. "Why did you say 'they'? What does it mean?"

"He told me he was here with Esme. That's his wife," I explained. "He even gave me their address in case I wanted to see her. Do you think he expects me to go? I don't want to go, Jake." I clung desperately to his neck. I didn't care if I was using my injured wrist more than I should have. The pain was nothing compared to the ache in my heart. "Seeing just him was bad enough. I don't want to go."

"Of course you don't have to. It wouldn't be healthy for you or the baby for that matter. Besides, I don't believe I could demonstrate as much restraint as I did earlier if there were two of them."

"I'm such a mess, Jake. I'm sorry." I wiped away the tears on my cheeks. I tried to smile a little when Jacob leaned forward to press his lips to mine. I was feeling a little better now that I'd talked about it. I was still hurting inside but at least Jacob knew how I felt. "I hate that he ruined our weekend. It was supposed to be about you and me and look now; I'm a mess simply because I saw him for only a few minutes. I'm tired, Jake."

"We're going to go back to the cottage. We're going to have a hot shower to help us calm down because we both need it and after that we're going to sleep, okay?" I had to admit that a nice shower sounded very appealing. "And we'll leave first thing tomorrow morning. You don't want to stay here anymore, do you?" I shook my head vigorously in response. Staying in this town wasn't exciting or fun now that I knew the Cullens inhabited it. I wanted to go back to La Push as fast as possible so I reluctantly let go of Jacob's neck so he could go back to the driver seat.

It was rather hard for me to keep my eyes open during the rest of the drive. The day had been really eventful and I longed to finally be in bed. I didn't manage to fall asleep in the car, though, since every time I closed my eyes, it was Carlisle's face that I saw. Instead of having another breakdown, I concentrated on keeping my heartbeat under control. I wasn't very good at it but focusing on the baby's kicks did the trick and by the time we parked in front of the little house, I was okay.

I was so numb by what happened and by the tears I had shed that I didn't realize Jacob had opened my door to offer me his hand until he shook my shoulder to get my attention. I took it gratefully. I honestly didn't know how I would have handled the whole situation if I had been by myself. I would probably be hidden in a dark corner of the hospital, going crazy and hoping that Carlisle wouldn't find me. Before I could process what was happening to me, I was naked in the shower, my body pressed to Jacob's as the water ran down on us.

"Our life's pretty bad, isn't it? It's like it's impossible for us to spend at least one month without drama." Jacob wrapped his arms around my waist, squeezing just enough to make me feel that he heard me and not too much so it wouldn't hurt me. He wanted to reassure me. I needed it so much.

"I know. Let's just hope it's going to get better. And I'm here. As long as we're together, I'm sure we can handle anything. Even some freaking bloodsuckers, right?"

"I guess. It was just a shock to see him but if we leave soon, we can just pretend it was a bad dream and forget all about it. I want to forget all about it," I whispered, turning my head to press my lips to his chest.

Jacob spun me around, hugging me close. His arms wrapped around my shoulders before moving down to the small of my back. He still wasn't applying a lot of pressure yet, only knowing that he would have done so if he'd could was enough to make me feel better. We stayed like this for a long time, the water pouring down on us and I didn't care if we were wasting it. I simply wanted to keep on hugging him for the rest of the night. It was like being this close to him made all our troubles disappear even if it was only for a little while.

* * *

_It was dark outside. Totally dark and there was no moonlight to help me see where I was going. He was here, I could feel it. The branches were moving all around me. He was the one making them do so. It looked like he was circling me, as if I was his prey. Maybe it was a game for him. I didn't like it. I was starting to panic and even though it was cold in the forest, I was sweating, my clothes clinging to my body because of it. I wanted to go back home. There was movement closer to me._

"_Edward?" my voice resounded in the silence but no answer came to me. "Please, come back. I'm lost and scared. Please, come back. Don't leave me here." Tears ran down my face because I knew that, no matter how much I'd beg, he wasn't coming back. He said he didn't want me anymore. So he didn't care if I was lost in the woods._

_One step at a time, my arms extended in front of me, I started walking again. Not for long because I tripped over something. My face hit the ground. I was covered in mud, crying and shivering._

"_Please, help me. Please!" And someone laughed, breaking the heaviness. It was a crystalline sound I'd recognize anywhere. He came back for me. I didn't care why he was laughing. He was here. I relaxed for a few seconds._

"_You are _so_ human, Bella. You can't even walk for more than five minutes without falling and hurting yourself." His laughter erupted again, freezing me from the inside out. Edward was making fun of me? It wasn't right. He couldn't. Fresh tears spilled as I tried to stand up but caught my foot in a root and landed back in the leaves. Other different laughter started to emerge from different points in the forest around me. I turned around frenetically to see from where they were coming. It was hopeless. I knew it was them. All of them, laughing at my expense, enjoying my human clumsiness. It hurt so much. Why were they doing it? I thought they cared about me? I thought they considered me family? Did they all lie to me like Edward did? _

"_Go away! Stop it! Please, stop it!"_

"_She's so funny. It would be good to keep her for entertainment purpose. She's not good for anything else but she could make me smile."_

"_I don't know. She smells pretty bad. I don't want this in my house." Carlisle was being as disrespectful as his son. I couldn't take it. I hated them for leaving me alone, for not helping me. I hated them for making fun of my situation. I wanted them to leave me alone. They had hurt me enough already. _

_Everything was spinning so fast that I didn't even have the possibility to get up and run. I put my hands over my ears, shaking my head to stop hearing their voices._

"_Shut up! _Shut up_!"_

"Wake up, Bella."

Slowly, the scene in front of me faded, the laughter disappeared, and before I could process what was happening, my head was pressed against a very hard, warm chest. My entire body was shivering. My face was covered in sweat but I wasn't hot at all. I actually felt kind of cold. My mind was still fuzzy from what had been going on a few seconds earlier.

"It's just a nightmare. It's all right. I'm here. Sshh," Jacob whispered, his voice soothing me. His warmth was already making me feel better. I hadn't opened my eyes because I was too tired to do so. Sleep fell upon me as soon as I was comforted.

"No, honey. You got to stay awake. Please, stay awake. Open your eyes."

"Why? I'm exhausted. I want to sleep," I whined, pushing against Jacob's chest so I could lie down in bed again. He was having none of it. I didn't know what his problem was. He sat up, lifting me along with him. It was like I weighed nothing to him.

"I know but please. We have to talk, and afterward I promise you can sleep as long as you want."

I grumbled, rubbing my eyes. If he had decided that we were going to talk, there was no point in trying to resist him. We stayed silent for a moment until I was somehow awake and ready to have a conversation in the middle of the night. I was angry, though, because sleep helped me stop thinking about our strange encounter at the hospital. Sleep gave me a few hours of respite, then, I remembered what my dream was about and shivers ran down my spine.

"Oh, God, Jake! I dreamed about them!" I exclaimed, snuggling closed to him as he draped his arm around my shoulders. How could I have forgotten so fast that they were in my dream? It was as if my mind blocked them so they would stay in my subconscious only. It all came back to me now and I could hear their distant laughter. Why had I dreamed about them making fun of me, I had no idea but it wasn't the point. They were in my dream. "I haven't dreamed about them in years! It's his fault!"

"You're wrong, Bells. You…you never stopped having nightmares about them."

"What?" I looked up to face him. Of course, I couldn't see a thing in the darkness of the bedroom. I could barely make out the outline of Jacob's face. I reached behind me for the bedside light. When it was on, I realized that Jacob was looking at me with worry in his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"You never stopped dreaming about…the Cullens. Even after all these years. It's not every night like Charlie said it was when they left but you still do sometimes anyway. Usually it's around your birthday."

I was dumbstruck. What was he talking about? Why had I never noticed that nothing had changed? I thought it had. I really thought the dreams had gone away after I started to spend pretty much all my time in La Push and that Jacob was my boyfriend. He made it all so much better. I could feel tears starting to fill my eyes. I was a lost cause. I was never going to get better.

"But…but…I never realized it, Jake. I thought the nightmares were gone."

"I wish. You don't remember having them because right after I wake you up, you go back to sleep at once. You don't remember in the morning. Not at all. I don't know why. The first few times, I waited for you to talk about it to mention them but you never did. I figured you'd get upset if I told you."

"I am upset! What's wrong with me? Why can't I heal or whatever? It's not fair." I didn't even try to keep the tears inside. I was crying silently while Jacob rocked me back and forth, waiting for me to calm down. It was unfair that I couldn't go past the pain they inflicted on me but it wasn't fair for Jacob, either. All these times I'd had a nightmare, he had to make sure I was okay afterwards. He had to see me suffer without saying anything just to keep me happy.

"Wanna know what I think?" he asked when my eyes were dry again. I nodded, enjoying the feeling of his fingers running up and down my back. "I think the nightmares are sticking around because you want to believe this part of your life is over but in fact, it's not…"

"It is! It really is. It's over. I…"

"Listen, Bella, please. I spent the last couple of hours trying to see what the problem was and I'm pretty sure I figured it out."

"You didn't sleep?"

"After everything that has happened today, how could I?" He smiled at me, kissing my forehead in a gesture of comfort before resuming his explanation. "Anyway. So, you still have the nightmares, not a lot of them but you still do and I don't have to be a genius to understand why you had one tonight. And you can't say 'I love you' without it hurting you. You know I don't care whether you say it or not. You love me and words are just not necessary when I know how you truly feel. What I mean is, you're having these problems because the life you had with the blood…the Cullens isn't over."

"How come, Jake? They left, I stayed. I moved on with you."

'You never got closure, honey. Sure, they left but you didn't want them to. Plus, if remember correctly, you didn't get the chance to say good bye to most of them. Somehow, maybe not consciously or voluntarily, you're still hanging on to them."

"Oh." It made sense, actually. We didn't say goodbye to each other. I absolutely didn't want to have any form of relationship with them nowadays, not after all they did to me. I wanted to cut loose from all that linked all of us together. It didn't mean that I wanted to have this type of discussion with them now. As a matter of fact, I didn't want to see them anymore. Not ever. "I've been fine, though. Except for what you mentioned. I survived just fine. I don't see why it couldn't stay this way."

"You know why I said what I said, right?" I could tell that Jacob was having a hard time keeping his voice steady. He was thinking of the piece of paper in my coat, the one with Carlisle's address on it. I swallowed with difficulty because it was obvious what Jacob was going to say. "We should pay them a visit."

"What happened to me stressing and all of this agitation not being good for the baby? I won't go if it's bad for the baby. He's more important than my mental health." I crossed my arms across my chest as if effectively protecting the baby. However, the more I thought about it, the more I had to admit that Jacob's idea was good. Besides, it would probably be the only opportunity I'd get to talk to Esme ever again. And they wouldn't appear out of nowhere like it happened at the hospital. I'd be prepared.

"I'm worrying about the consequences it could have on the baby but I also have to think about you. You don't have to go if you don't want to but in my opinion, it'd be better if you did. I don't like it. Trust me, I hate the idea so much that I'd be relieved if you said no. I just think that it's something to consider."

"You're right, Jake. And you're amazing for suggesting it." He had to be calling himself a fool and an idiot for offering me the possibility to go socialize with vampires. After his confrontation with Carlisle, I wouldn't have imagined it possible for Jacob to agree to see him and someone else again. He put my best interests first and I loved him for this.

"I don't like it either. I wish I had another solution yet, I know I'll regret it forever if I don't go. I want to see if your theory is correct and if it can make me feel better."

Jacob sighed heavily, pulling me even closer to him, almost crushing me and I didn't care.

"We're going to see the bloodsuckers, then?"

"I guess we are." Oh my God, what had he just talked me into?

* * *

For the first time ever in the history of this fic, there won't be a teaser for next chapter. Simply because next chapter isn't written. I don't want to explain why because I don't think you're interested. Also, I may not get back to writing before Christmas break which means that you may not have an update before January (2011. Isn't it exciting? A new brand year!). Until then, stay cool and be sure to check my recs on **Misfics**! (http : / / misfics (.) com)


	35. Chapter 33

Surprise! I'm alive! I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, lots of gifts from Santa and that you've started this new year perfectly!

I have to thank my beta **faite-comme-moi **for making my vampires speak much better. Somehow, I think my language has gotten a teeny tiny bit too casual (and it's all because I hang out too much on Twitter), which is good for writing Jacob but not so much when it comes to the Cullens.

Disclaimer: Not owning anything. What a surprise.

* * *

Quick summary: Jacob and Bella are on a vacation for Valentine's Day. Bella gets hurt (while trying to close a window. No comment) and they run into Carlisle at the hospital. After Bella wakes up from a nightmare after this traumatic encounter, Jacob suggets that it might be best if they go pay a visit to Carlisle and Esme so that Bella can get the closure she never had before.

* * *

Chapter 33. One Hell of a Reunion.

_**Sunday, 15****th**** of February**_

_**Bella's PoV**_

"Are you sure it's the right house?" Jacob asked in disbelief, the engine of the car still running as if he was waiting for me to confirm that I was wrong, we could go on to find the right place. We'd had to drive to the other side of the little town in search of the precise street we were supposed to go to. After some effort, we found the house. Even though I had never been there before, there was no doubt for me that it was the right one. It was secluded from the others, far away from the city center and it right on the edge of the forest. It seemed like they always made sure to have a forest at their back door, which actually made sense.

"It's the right house. Trust me."

"But…it's huge! I mean, ours could fit at least four times in it!" Jacob cut the engine and turned toward me, getting a better look at what appeared to be a mansion since it was on my side of the car. The fact that vampires inhabited the place seemed to have left his mind for the few seconds he gawked in total awe of the huge front porch and big windows some feet away from us. I didn't have any problem imagining what the inside must look like. If it was anything like the house they used to have in Forks, it was going to be spectacular. "Why do they need such a big house? It's not like they can have company or invite people for dinner and show off! Wait…they don't invite people in to…"

"No, Jake. They don't. I already told you they aren't into humans. They just have money and like to spend it on pretty stuff, that's all. When you live forever you have to find hobbies to spend the time. They like to buy expensive things."

"They shouldn't have to because they shouldn't be able to live forever. They should have died a long time ago and…"

"Calm down, Jake," I urged him when he started to shake in reaction to his words. He might have been the one suggesting that we go there, he still didn't like it. He had a hard time controlling his anger whenever he had to talk about the Cullens and what they were. He especially had a hard time keeping his body from phasing and barging into the house to kill both Carlisle and Esme.

I had to admit, I didn't like the idea of going to see them either. The shock of finding them so far away and at the least expected place hadn't dissipated yet. I didn't think it would until we were finally miles from where they were. Surprisingly, though, after the talk with Jacob last night, I slept incredibly well. The fact that I was pressed very tightly against his warm body might have had something to do with it but I wasn't complaining. We had stayed in bed cuddling for a long time before getting up, too. Cuddling was what we both needed, as if something might go wrong and we would never be able to do it ever again. I really hoped everything was going to be okay. I didn't see what could go wrong. It was only going to be me and the two of them. I was going to say my piece and leave. Simple as that.

I desperately wanted to go back home so the faster I could do this, the faster we would be on the road. We decided to come to the Cullens right after waking up because I knew we wouldn't be disturbing their morning routine. This way, we could hopefully be on the road by early afternoon and back in La Push before nightfall. I was very eager to leave the small town even if it had brought me good things. It had also brought me bad things, ones that I didn't really want to remember.

"I'm sorry. I get carried away sometimes," Jacob apologized as soon as he was calm again. He wouldn't have phased this close to me anyway. I wasn't scared for my safety but for what could happen if he did phase. I didn't think I could have any power over a werewolf.

"It's all right. Just stay in here and I promise I'll be back so soon you won't even have time to worry about me!" I tried to speak in a cheerful tone but I failed. I was very nervous about leaving the car. I wanted to do this because it was my chance to maybe get over all that was wrong with me, and was associated with the vampire family. I _needed_ to go so I grabbed the flowers on my lap and opened the door. Jacob thought it was ridiculous to bring them flowers. He couldn't understand how vampires could be civilized enough to like my gift. Since his vision of vampires was restricted to those he chased from time to time, I got his point. That type didn't have a home at all. However, it would have been rude to knock on the Cullens' door empty-handed and besides, from what I recalled, I was sure that Esme would love getting flowers.

"Wait, Bella. I'm coming with you. There's no way in hell you're going in there by yourself." I hadn't dared ask him myself. It would have been selfish given that he had difficulties staying in control of his emotions. I didn't want to oblige him to suffer more by being in the same room as two of his enemies. It didn't change the fact that I was extremely relieved when he said he was coming. I should have expected it but I would have respected his choice to stay outside anyway.

"Are you sure? I mean, I wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable while…"

"I'll be okay. I know they're here, right? And it's only the blonde dude from yesterday and the woman. It's not like there's an army of them and I know what's waiting for me. You won't get a replay of last night, promise."

"Let's get it over with, then." I took a deep breath and got out of the car. The morning air was chilling. I hoped the house was going to be heated even if I doubted it. It's not like they needed central heating. I intended to stay as close to Jacob as possible for this reason but also because I wouldn't have imagined it possible for me to talk to them without having him next to me to support me.

I repeated in my head over and over again that things were going to go just fine but the front door was in front of me faster than I would have liked. I had already seen Carlisle; yet, I was not more comfortable today than I had been the day before. This visit wasn't going to be easy at all.

"Hold on, Bells!" Jacob exclaimed when I knocked on the door. It was too late to leave now that our presence had been made known. He positioned my body behind him, as if to protect but I didn't have the chance to ask him what was happening as the door opened a few seconds after.

"Bella! We heard voices but I didn't think you would come!" Carlisle looked quite surprised and at the same a little bit pleased to see me. He smiled while Jacob stepped back to allow me more space. I had no idea what was going on with him. As I threw a look at him, I saw that Jacob was frowning and seemed to be in deep concentration.

"I didn't think I would either, but here I am." I tried to smile too, only it was harder at my end. I was worried about Jacob. It wasn't a good idea for him to be here with me. I got it that he wanted to protect both me and the baby but he was fighting a very personal challenge with his instincts and it wasn't fair to put him in this situation.

"I'm so glad you came. Please, come in. This will be so much better than the hospital. Esme didn't believe me when I told her I saw you. She will be so happy that you're here."

It was a pleasant surprise to find that it was warm in the house, which Carlisle explained by saying that he had made a special point of heating it in case I might show up. It was a nice attention. I didn't let go of Jacob's hand even though he seemed very far away from what was happening around him. My eyes went from him to the room we were in. It was huge, which wasn't a surprise actually. From what I could see, the house wasn't a lot different from the one I used to know. The decorations and the pieces of furniture were not the same but it was very stylish and, knowing Esme, I wouldn't have expected less.

Speaking of Esme, as soon as Carlisle mentioned her name, she appeared out of nowhere so fast that it confused me a little. I wasn't used to all of this anymore although I appreciated the fact that she had waited at least a couple of minutes before coming to us. It may have seemed weird but I needed some time to adjust to being in presence of one vampire, so being with two was even harder. And Esme hadn't changed one bit, exactly like her husband. She still had the same happy smile on her face. She clung to Carlisle's arm, her face almost glowing with joy, a face I remembered quite clearly from the days I would spend at their house and she would be so excited to have someone to cook for.

"Bella! How are you? I'm so happy to see you after all this time!" She was certainly sincere but I couldn't return her feelings. It was really awkward being here with them. I hadn't thought it possible before yesterday and I couldn't share her enthusiasm. I wasn't here for a happy reunion between old friends like she seemed to assume. I knew she had always liked me a lot but she'd left like all the others so she wasn't any different in my book. Yet, because I didn't like seeing them again didn't mean I had to be rude. I didn't want to be. They had been rude when they left without looking back but I was a grown up and wasn't going to put any revenge on them. I was going to be nice and do what I would have wanted them to do all these years ago: have a calm conversation and say goodbye like civilized people.

"I brought you some flowers," I said to avoid her question. I wasn't feeling good at all. I would have appreciated it if Jacob could have snapped out of his daydream or whatever it was that was in his head. I needed him to hold me right now. I needed him to tell me that he was here with me and that everything was going to be all right. He hadn't said a single word since we had come into the house and I was starting to be worried.

"Oh, thank you! They're lovely! And…I guess that's your husband, am I right?" she asked, nudging Carlisle to get an answer. I elbowed Jacob and effectively got him to finally look down at me and what was going on.

"Yes, that's Jacob. Jacob, Esme…" I introduced him but he didn't seem to care. He nodded quickly, redirecting his attention on Carlisle only.

"Didn't you say you two would be the only ones home?" Jacob snapped.

"I apologize for this, but we _were_ supposed to be alone," Carlisle sighed. "They came back in a hurry, and when I told her that Bella might come today, she refused to leave again. I'm really sorry." Wait. What was he talking about? Who came back? Was there someone else in the house? Why was there someone else in the house? Why didn't he say that earlier?

I took a better look at Jacob and it was now clear that he was on his guard. His nostrils were flared as if he was tracking, his entire body tense. He let go of my hand only for a second so he could sneak his arm around my waist to bring me so much closer to him. He wanted to protect me. I wasn't prepared for this. Carlisle said it would only be him and Esme. I was okay with seeing two vampires but I didn't think I could handle more. Carlisle was eyeing me with worry, as if he was sorry for what was happening.

"Who…"

"Bella Swan!" someone cut me off and my heart sank. No. No, no, no. I should have known it was her. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and when I opened them again, Alice was bouncing in front of me, apparently very excited to see me. Then again, Alice had always been excited about everything. It was the image of her I had in my mind: short Alice, jumping all over the place, her hair bouncing around her face. She was always smiling just like she was doing right now. A panic similar to the one I experienced the day before overtook me. This wasn't part of the plan. I'd only mentally prepared myself to see two Cullens. Not three. Unexpected calm shot through me to replace the anxiety. Oh my God, no. Not four of them.

"I can't _believe_ it's you! I've missed you!" Alice walked forward, still oblivious to the fact that I wasn't as enthusiastic to see her as she was to see me. She tried to hug me but I cringed away, pressing against Jacob. As if it wasn't enough, he pushed me behind him, growling in the process. She looked rejected and I was sorry I'd hurt her, but I couldn't bear to be in physical contact with her. I had felt bad when Carlisle had simply touched my hand so I didn't want to imagine the effect that a hug would have on me. Sure, Jasper had eased some of my confused feelings. It looked like it wasn't even enough. Where was he anyway?

"You aren't touching her," Jacob snapped. I rested my forehead on his back. I didn't think I could remain standing. I was feeling dizzy and I was going to be sick.

"Easy, there. I'm not going to eat her."

"We can never be too careful with that, now, can we?" This was exactly why I didn't think it would be a good idea for Jacob to come with me. This was an unexpected situation and he was as unprepared for it as I was. I couldn't help thinking that things were going to take a turn for the worse.

"I would never, ever…"

"Alice, stop it. Remember what I told you earlier," Carlisle interrupted their exchange. I couldn't see what was going on but nonetheless, I could clearly picture Alice stepping back and making a disappointed face. It would have been funny if the situation had been different.

"Jake…I think I need to sit down," I managed to whisper. I knew that they all heard me so I didn't bother saying it louder. Not that I would have been able to do it.

"Come here, Bella. Come sit, please." I hated to admit it but Esme's voice had a soothing edge which put me at ease. A warm arm circled my waist to support my weight until we were all sitting at the dining room table. Now that I was certain my legs weren't going to give away and I wouldn't fall down, I felt a bit better. My breathing was still shaky, though.

"Are you okay? Is the baby okay?" Jacob's worried voice was what I needed to hear. It was comforting, especially as his tone was softer than when he talked to the Cullens. This was the voice I was used to, the one I loved. I looked up at him when he put his hand on my belly, checking on the baby. Even his face had softened a little bit. Sitting here, next to him, the table separating me from the vampires, I felt safer. I had a double protection from them. Not that I was afraid they were going to attack me, this would have been a ridiculous idea. No. I was just afraid that if they were standing too close to me I was going to end up losing my mind and _that_ would have been bad for the baby.

"He's okay. I'm a bit shaken, that's all. I didn't expect her to be here at all. Thanks, Esme," I added when a cup of hot chocolate materialized in front of me. I didn't have to ask for it or anything. She looked pretty pleased with herself as she went to sit next to Carlisle. I drank a bit and it invigorated me in an instant.

"Why is she here anyway? You didn't say she would be here yesterday."

"I do apologize. Alice and Jasper weren't supposed to be here but she…"

"We had gone on a trip for Valentine's Day, just the two us, to Las Vegas and it was amazing!" Alice cut off Carlisle, continuing his explanation. She looked hyper, as if she couldn't sit still in a chair for more than five minutes. "It was so much fun then, all of a sudden, I couldn't see Carlisle or Esme anymore. Their future was all black. I don't know why. It had never happened before. Not for any of us anyway. So we thought it was better if we came back to check on them, just in case. It turned out everything looked fine except that they told us you were here! We decided to stay and get the chance to see you! I can't believe it's you! You're really here!" The rejection of her unwanted hug hadn't lasted for long. She was all excited again.

"She's the one who can see the future?" Jacob asked me and I nodded in response. He knew everything about the Cullens' special abilities. As a matter of fact, I told him everything related to the Cullens because, at the time, it had been such a great relief to have someone I could confide in. Someone who didn't look at me as if I belonged in a mental institution. "Doesn't seem to work so hot, does it?"

"Jake. Behave." I shot him a stern which made him lose his grin at once.

"I don't understand why they disappeared from my visions. They never do. It only happens for you, Bella. I mean, sometimes I can see you going to school or grocery shopping or whatever, but I never see you afterward. It's like an entire part of your life is hidden. I never understood why. It's weird."

"All the better for me. You have no business in our lives, freak."

"What did I just say, Jake? Stop this. This isn't your house and you can't talk like that. If you can't watch your mouth, I think it's better that you wait for me outside." I didn't care if he hated vampires, but he couldn't go around insulting them right in their face. He may have been having a hard time not attacking the Cullens, it didn't mean he had to attack them verbally.

"Are you kidding? I am so not leaving you in here by yourself."

"And I'm grateful for this but, please; stop it. I'm sorry, Alice." She waved me off, apparently not hurt at all. It looked like she had decided to ignore Jacob, which may or may be not a good idea. If Jacob could keep quiet, and just do his job of sitting next to me, holding my hand, this whole conversation would be over as fast as I wanted it to be. For some reason, he didn't seem very fond of Alice. He hadn't said a bad thing about or to Esme, and Carlisle had received enough the day before. Maybe Jacob was angry because Alice wasn't supposed to be here in the first place. It was kind of puzzling yet, when you thought of it, it gave me the chance to talk to more of them. I didn't like it a bit, but I wouldn't have regrets later. It was the only thing making me stay in this house. I wanted to get rid of everything that still linked me to the Cullens.

"Why do you keep on checking on me, Alice? Why do you look into my future?"

"I don't know. Because I miss you, I guess. I want to be sure that you're fine. The fact that I see half of your life isn't helpful, trust me. The first time it happened I got so scared, but one second later you reappeared. It's been like that for years so I got used to it."

"I don't need protection. I'm great." I didn't even see why she would want to protect me. They left me. I didn't mean anything to them. They didn't care about me. They left me alone, in danger. They didn't do anything to protect me at the time.

"I can see that. You're going to have a baby! This is so awesome! Is it a boy? A girl? What are you going to call it? When are you due?" Of one thing I was sure, she certainly hadn't lost her enthusiasm. I had to stifle a laugh because I knew it would have annoyed Jacob more if he saw me interacting this way with Alice. I couldn't help the smile on my face, though. Esme was smiling, too. I could feel myself getting more relaxed, and I couldn't tell if it was thanks to Jasper or just because I was growing accustomed to the Cullens again. They looked happy to see me, to talk with me. Their attitude was far away from when they left me behind, clearly showing that I didn't belong with them. All of this was slightly confusing. Jacob, on the other hand, didn't seem like the way the conversation was going. He was so protective of me and the baby that the mere fact that a vampire could be interested in it was too much for him. I felt his grip on my waist tighten again, his warmth spreading through me, and reminding me why I was really there. They didn't want me. They didn't ten years ago, and it certainly hadn't changed now. Just like I had insisted that Jacob be polite with our hosts, they were being polite with me. Alice was maybe too enthusiastic, but she wouldn't be Alice if she didn't seem to be on a perpetual sugar rush.

"We don't know whether it's a boy or a girl and…"

"I can try to look for you! Give me a minute…"

"Please, no! Don't do that! Please! We want to keep it a surprise!" I cut her off as fast as she'd done it to me. This truly panicked me. We didn't want to know the sex of the baby, and she had been about to ruin everything for us. True to what I asked him, Jacob didn't say a thing, but the growl that came from him meant so much. Alice pouted before sinking back in her chair.

"It's so much better if we don't know until the baby's born, you know. Don't ruin this for us. And as for your second question, not even our friends know what names we have chosen. If they don't, I don't see why you should know. You were my best friend, Alice. The best friend I'd ever had at the time, and you left. You can't reappear in my life and expect that nothing has changed."

"Well, I can _see_ that things have changed. For a start, you're married to…that…man, but…you're back, you're here. We can catch up and…"

"I don't want to catch up, Alice. I'm not back. I'm just here because Jacob and I thought that…Wait. I think it's better if Jasper is here with us. I know he can hear everything from where he is, but I don't understand why he's not here."

If he thought that it would be too much for me to be in the same room as four vampires, he was right. Yet, I knew he was in the house. I was feeling much calmer than usual and it was all thanks to him. Whether he was in another room or right in front of me wouldn't change anything now. I was going to talk to four vampires instead of the original two. It would have certainly prevented me from coming in the first place if I had known beforehand. Now, however, I couldn't change the way it was; and I just had to go with the flow. As soon as I asked where he was, he was standing behind Alice, one hand on her shoulder. Jacob tensed beside me.

"I didn't want to tell you that there was another one because it would have been too much for you, Bella. But how did you know he was in here?" Once again, I had to admire how brave Jacob was. Of course he'd realized that there was another vampire hidden. He probably smelled Jasper when he smelled Alice. He didn't say it because he wanted to preserve me. I would really be lost without him.

"Don't you feel far too calm given the situation?" Jacob nodded at my question. "Well, it's because of Jasper. He's the one who can manipulate your feelings. Remember? I told you about him."

"Oh, yeah. So that's you? Could you stop messing with me, _please_? I don't like being used as a puppet."

"I'll stop when you'll quit projecting such a wild anger at me. I've never encountered someone as angry as you. And if you talk to my wife again like you did a few minutes ago, I'll use that anger against you, and then, you'll be very sorry you insulted her."

I rested my hand on Jacob's thigh, making him understand that he shouldn't respond to this. Shutting up was better than starting a fight, especially between a vampire and a werewolf which would certainly quickly degenerate. Jacob took a deep breath but effectively didn't say a thing. I knew he was fuming inside, now more annoyed that Jasper was toying with his emotions. When Jasper was positive that no one was going to attack him, he turned his head toward me, greeting me with a quick nod of his head before sitting down next to Alice. It didn't seem to bother him to be so close to me today. Maybe his control had improved over the years. Whatever it was, it was nice to have him here without fearing for my life.

"So, what was it you wanted to talk about, Bella?" Esme asked me, bringing us back to my original purpose. Jasper hadn't uttered a word to me directly but I wasn't going to dwell on this.

"Like I said, Jacob and I thought it may be a good idea for me to come and say good bye. It was such a shock yesterday when I saw Carlisle at the hospital that I wanted to go back home as soon as possible. And I know you don't want me here, but since it's certainly my only chance to tell you what you did to me that I couldn't miss it."

"What are you talking about, Bella? We are very happy to have you in our house." Esme was so nice that she had to lie not to offend me.

"I'm not really happy to be here if you want the truth. It brings back all the bad memories from the past. Even if it's not the same house, not the same town, you're here. And seeing you all reminds me that you left me behind as if I wasn't worth anything. You left without a second thought because I wasn't good enough, and you didn't even care if I was in danger. There was a time when I used to hate you for this. Then, I thought that it had gone, that all the memories were buried far away. Well, it turned out that I was wrong."

"Oh, Bella. We didn't want to leave Forks. We loved you and most of us still do. We wanted you to be a part of our family," she said with the same kind voice.

"Then, why did you leave? It hurt me so much to be left alone. You didn't even bother to say good bye. If you'd really loved me, you would have taken the time to say good bye. People don't leave forever just like that!" I could feel tears starting to gather in my eyes. It was so painful to say all of this out loud. Even Jacob's hand slowly rubbing my back wasn't comforting enough at the moment.

"We left because we thought it would be best for you, Bella. You were my best friend," Alice cut in, backing up Esme's explanation. I didn't know whether I wanted to believe them or not. "I had so much fun with you and I regret leaving you every day since, but it was too dangerous for you to be with us. It broke my heart to leave you without seeing you at least one more time."

"It broke mine, too. I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Jacob. He's the one who saved me when no one else was there to protect me. Because you left without thinking of the consequences. You left without thinking about what it would do to me. You left without telling me why you did! And that's what hurt the most!" There was a good chance that I was starting to yell at them, but I didn't care.

"We never thought about the negative consequences it could bring you to be separated from us. The only thing important to us was that your life could resume normally. You could have never carried on with us unless you had become one of us and this was impossible." Jacob's head jerked up in Carlisle's direction. He apparently didn't like the idea that I could have become a vampire very much. I couldn't blame him for it.

"So…if I understand correctly, you didn't leave because you thought Bella was worthless to you? You simply left because you wanted to protect her?" Jacob asked while I was busy trying not to burst into tears and make a fool of myself. "And it never crossed your mind that she may want to know this? It was her life after all. She had a right to know why she was being abandoned. Granted, I'm more than thankful that you left, but the way you did it, you messed so much with her life, and you weren't there to pick up the pieces."

"I'm sorry you feel this way, Bella," Carlisle apologized, clearly embarrassed. "It never occurred to me that you could think that it was your fault. Bella, I haven't seen you in almost ten years, but I can tell you all the same that you are _not_ worthless, and I'm sure your husband can agree with me on this. I'm positive you have accomplished great things. You are married and you are going to be a mother soon. All of this makes you an incredible person. Simply because we disappeared without any trace doesn't not make you worse than anyone else. You have to believe it."

He looked so sincere. Had I been wrong all along? Did they care about me? Did they not leave because they didn't want me anymore? Because they thought I was a ridiculous human girl who was just a waste of time? Hearing Carlisle tell me this, I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that the people in front of me still loved me, and that they left because they wanted to protect me. It didn't seem logical since it was after they left that Victoria started to try to kill me, but they obviously weren't aware of this. I wasn't going to make them feel guilty more than they already did. They actually really looked guilty. Yet…

"But he did say that I wasn't good for him. What am I supposed to think after that? He said I wasn't good for him, and all of sudden, you're all gone! Gone far away because I'm not good for you."

"I'm going to kick this idiot's right where it hurts the next time I see him!" Surprisingly, Jacob seemed rather pleased with Alice's outburst, so much that a small smirk lit up his face for a few seconds.

"I can help with that." Alice smirked in return.

"Bella, you can't believe what he told you. Not this. It doesn't apply to me or to us. Nobody here thinks that you aren't good for us. You _are_ a good person. A wonderful person, even."

"That's what I keep telling her, but she's quite stubborn when she wants to be." Were my eyes deceiving me or was Jacob really joking along with Alice? With the same Alice he was insulting only minutes before? How could Jacob even joke with a vampire after saying that it was so hard for him to be in the same room as them? Jasper was capable of amazing things sometimes.

"Are you okay, Bells?" Jacob inquired when he realized that I was staring into space, trying to figure out everything that had just been revealed to me. It was too much to process at once.

"I guess…I…I spent the last eight years thinking that they hated me only to be told now that it's the complete opposite. It's really strange. They still care about me. They still love me! I would have never imagined it possible!"

"Is it…is it going to change things?" Jacob's voice was hesitant, and I understood my mistake immediately. I was simply relieved that I wasn't hated by the Cullens, that I hadn't done anything wrong to them. It surely didn't mean that it was going to change things in my life. My life was perfect in its own way and I wasn't going to allow any vampire in it. Even vampires who wished I was a part of their family. Period.

"Don't worry, Jake," I reassured him, my hand rubbing his arm while he turned me around to face him completely. It was as if we were cut off from our audience even though I knew they could hear every single word we said. "It's not going to change one thing. I'm just happy they don't think I'm a bad person, that's all. This thought has been haunting me for far too long now, and I'm happy I can finally get rid of it. It doesn't mean I want to see them ever again. I don't want to offend you," I added, turning back to face the four vampires in front of me. "But there's no room for you in my life nowadays. When you left all these years ago you took with you any hope I had of a life with you. I'm married to a werewolf. Even if I wanted to see you again, I don't know how we could make it work. I belong to Jacob's tribe. I belong with him, with them. I hope you'll understand."

"Alice's quite disappointed by this idea, I can tell." Jasper didn't have to elaborate on this. Alice looked like a child who had been grounded and couldn't play with her favorite toy.

"Can't we at least visit? We could go shopping for your baby, we could…"

"You can't come back to Forks. This isn't negotiable." If Jacob had been joking with her earlier, it was over now. The way he said these words showed that he was back in protective mode and that he would do anything to keep the vampires at bay.

"And who are you to forbid me to do what I want to do?"

"She just told you. I'm a werewolf. You know what werewolves do to vampires that come near our land, don't you? I don't want you anywhere near Bella or my family. I don't want you anywhere near La Push because if you do, first I'll make sure it's the last place you ever see and second, if you come back, you'll trigger more phases among the young people of my tribe. I can't accept that. I'm sure you understand," Jacob added for Carlisle, who nodded in response.

"I'm sorry, Alice. Today's the last time you'll see me. I know you don't like it, but I want to have a normal life, as far as it's possible anyway. Do you understand? You hurt me too much in the past. I think I realize now that you didn't mean to, but no human would have made the mistake that you all did. And that's the problem. You aren't human. You can't interact with us like you want to. I don't want my child to come in contact with more supernatural creatures than his direct family…Okay?" It was hard to say this to her face, especially as she looked sadder and sadder. Then, suddenly, she smiled again.

"Can I call you then? Sometimes? Once in a while? Please?" She wasn't going to stop trying to keep in touch. From what I remembered of Alice, she could be quite stubborn when she wanted something. Maybe as stubborn as me, Jacob would say. I guess that I could live with one phone call from my former best friend now and then. I turned around to ask Jacob if he was okay with this proposition.

"She won't stop till she gets what she wants, right? So, yeah; I guess she can call you. As long as it's not every day and she waits until after the baby's born. I'm fine with it. Bella has been stressed too much already. She needs to rest, and I don't want any bouncing, freaky little vampire calling in the next few months. Got it?"

"Geez, he's kind of bossy, isn't he? Oh, all right. I'll wait. And I won't tell whether it's a boy or a girl." She winked at me, making it clear that she knew. I could only pray that she was going to stick to her promise, and not flub up.

"That reminds me. Bella, I have the medicine I talked to you about yesterday. Give me a second. It's in my office."

"What medicine?"

"It's for stress relief. It isn't dangerous for the baby. Don't worry." Carlisle explained again for Jacob before disappearing upstairs. Now that I could feel that the whole conversation was coming to an end, I was starting to relax a bit more. And without Jasper's help, which was an improvement.

"I'm so proud of you," Jacob whispered in my hair after he pressed his lips to it. His embrace was comforting, as was the fact that we were going to be out of this house soon. I was leaving this place with a new opinion of the Cullens; this was definitely not what I had been expected when I first entered the house. They had all apologized, and I knew that my life was going to change since I now had the proof that they didn't leave because they didn't love me. They hadn't stopped loving me. This was comforting, too. Not enough to welcome them back completely in my life, but comforting anyway.

"This is for you, Bella. One tablet every morning with your breakfast and one before going to bed."

"Thanks, Carlisle."

"You're welcome. Don't forget to see your doctor for your wrist when you get home. I would also suggest that you rest as much as you can, if it's possible." When I looked up from the bag he had put in front of me, I noticed that while he was speaking to me he was looking directly at Jacob, as if he was giving him strict instructions. I was also aware that even though Jacob didn't like talking with vampires, he would listen to Carlisle if he was giving advice to keep the baby safe. I had the feeling I would soon be asked to stop working earlier than planned. I was so exhausted that I wasn't sure I would argue about this. Jacob's clapped his hands suddenly, jerking me back to reality.

"Okay. So…I guess we're done here, right? We should go; we have a long road ahead of us." Jacob was already standing and half way to where Carlisle had put my coat when we arrived. Now that I had said my piece there was no reason for us to stay here. I was already standing myself when Alice spoke again.

"Don't you want to wait for the others? They should be here by now."

"What others?"

"Well, the others. When Carlisle and Esme's future disappeared, I got scared and called them, too. They said they would be back to see if everything was all right, but they were so far away, no wonder they aren't here yet."

The others? Did she mean all the remaining Cullens? Did she mean…Oh no. I wasn't okay with this. I trusted those I talked to that they didn't leave because they didn't love me, but I knew for sure that _he_ left for this reason. He said it to my face. I could still hear the words reverberate in my head. I didn't want this. I started to panic all over again.

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So...we were actually supposed to find out what happens when "the others" come back but then the chapter would have been too damn long for you, my beta, and for me so I just cut it in two. It kills me because I wanted to be done with the Cullens already but just one more chapter, I promise.

I have a ton of stuff to do for school so I don't know when the next update will be. But you can follow me on Twitter and enjoy my "oh, so much casual" language. (**mellyb6**)

Stay cool and awesome!


	36. Chapter 34

It's me again! Did you miss me? I should probably apologize for the long wait but the length of this chapter totally makes up for it. Actually, I should also probably apologize for the tremendous length of the chapter...Probably.

Thank you to my absolutely amazing beta, **faite-comme-moi**, for knowing me so well that she can correct all my typos and missing words without asking me what I really meant. You rock and I'd be lost without you.

Disclaimer: I'm not owning anything except the really cute "Team Bella" button **Zohinette** got me. (Coz you know, I trip ALL the time).

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**Quick summary:** While on a vacation in Oregon, Jacob and Bella run into Carlisle. He invites them to his house where Bella gets to talk to him, Esme, Alice, and Jasper. Eight years after they left Forks, she's being told that they didn't leave because they thought she wasn't worth it but because they wanted to protect her. As Bella and Jacob are leaving, Alice mentions that the other Cullens are on their way, too...

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**Chapter 34. A Vampire, a Human, and a Werewolf.**

_**Sunday, 15****th**** of February**_

_**Jacob's PoV**_

What the hell did she mean by "the others"? I knew there were more Cullens than the four with us in the room, but I didn't want the rest of them to show up. The ones Bella called Alice and Jasper weren't even supposed to be there. We should have only talked to those who apparently acted like the parents. Why they took the trouble to act like a family, I didn't have the slightest idea. They weren't related at all. They said they were married. You can't be married if you're dead. You can't own a house if you're dead. You can't work in a hospital if you're dead. Ugh. I hated everything about them.

I hated that I had to be in this house, so close to them that if I wanted, I could rip their head off in a second. Except that was out of the question. Bella had been right yesterday; if I didn't manage to remain calm and lost my cool, God knew how it would end. There was no doubt that it wouldn't be hard for the pack and me to take them all down. Whether we would all get out without injuries was less clear. I didn't want to take the chance. But dammit, it was hard. It was getting harder to breathe normally. Their scent was all over the place, surrounding me, sticking to my clothes, sticking to my skin. I was going to have at least four showers before smelling decent again.

It actually amazed me how good I had been doing, sitting rather still in front of the Cullens. Sure, I hadn't been strong enough to watch my mouth and seriously, I didn't show any effort to be polite and nice. They didn't deserve it. Not after what they did to my Bella. So what if she hadn't understood correctly? What if they didn't really hate her? What if they still loved her, like they assured her? I loathed the idea that bloodsuckers could feel such an emotion as love for my wife. It wasn't possible. They weren't supposed to feel any else than hunger. Maybe they could attach themselves to another one of them, have a mate for a few years, but it could never be as strong as love. Love was a human feeling, and they definitely weren't human. The Cullens were quite different apparently.

It didn't change anything, though. They may say that they "loved" Bella, they didn't act like they did. When you love someone, you don't leave them behind. You don't tell them that they aren't good for you even if it's a lie. These simple words had made Bella hurt for years and years and they didn't even realize it. What they did was supposed to be a selfless act. They left for her own good. They should have thought about it twice at the time. Of course, I was glad they did because it meant that she never became one of them. Just the thought made me shiver. I couldn't imagine my wife as a vampire. It was so unnatural. She was made to spend her life with me, not to become as cold as ice, have a disgusting smell, and kill people to drink their blood. That was just wrong. So, thank God, they left Forks all those years ago.

I could tell that Bella was quite shocked by what we had just learned. She had been so scared to come to their house because she didn't want to face people who hated her and didn't want to be associated with her. Truth be told, I would have felt a lot better if she had simply laughed in my face when I suggested we should pay a visit to the Cullens. I was glad we came, though. Bella looked calmer, as if hearing that people didn't hate her made her feel a lot better. I wasn't sure if the leech was still using his power on her, but I knew Bella enough to see that her body wasn't as tense as a few hours ago.

I was so proud of her for sticking to me. It'd scared me that she might want to invite the bloodsuckers home. They could have never crossed the treaty line, but she could have wanted to meet them in Forks or somewhere else. It was a big relief to hear her say that today would be the last time she would ever see them. Sure, there was still the little problem of the bouncing vampire wanting to call her from time to time. I really believed there was no problem with this. A phone call wasn't dangerous. She would be miles away from La Push, she wouldn't be tempted to touch or hug Bella. She couldn't hurt her through a cell phone. At least not physically. And when it came to vampires, Cullens or not, this was what I was most afraid of: that they would slip and hurt a human, hurt my wife. You could never be completely safe with them.

We were experiencing this right this instant. The doctor had assured us the day before that if we came to visit, there would only be two of them. That had turned out to be wrong. I had to admit that I couldn't really blame them for not telling us earlier. They had no way to do so. But the little vampire could have informed us that more were coming since she knew it! It was as if she had set Bella in a trap when she forgot to mention that we were having more company. I mean, she must have noticed how uncomfortable Bella was when she realized she was going to talk to more than two Cullens. All her blood left her face and I personally thought she was going to faint on the spot. It wouldn't have been the first time and I had developed a strange case of high anxiety whenever Bella's health was concerned. If you looked back at everything that had happened to me in the past few months, I wasn't to blame for my over-protectiveness. But no! Alice had said nothing! She must have been too engrossed in her own excitement to notice that her "friend" was uncomfortable. I certainly didn't. It seemed that the blonde leech didn't make the same mistake as his wife. I had no idea how his power worked, the mere fact that he had one was scary because it was such a disadvantage for me, but he must have felt Bella's distress.

He didn't dare move closer to us but I saw it on his face when Bella not so gracefully sat back down in her chair after the vampire's announcement. Her whole body was shivering, not from cold, but certainly from fear. She wouldn't have agreed to come in the first place if we had been aware of the fact that we were going to have to face their entire coven. I didn't know how much more I would be able to take. I knew I had to stay strong for Bella. It was simply becoming harder and harder.

"Jake…I…I can't. Not him, not…" Oh, I got it, now. She didn't want to see _him_. I couldn't blame her for it. After everything he had done to her, she wouldn't want to talk to him. It annoyed me that she seemed to accept that the others didn't hate her since it was a miscommunication. I only allowed them to call because I knew how depressed Bella was when they left. She had kept hanging on them unconsciously during all these years. I hated it yet, I had reluctantly accepted the idea that it would never change. Whether I liked it or not, and I definitely didn't, they were a part of her life.

But not him. The images I saw through Sam's mind were still vivid in my mind. I saw how Bella was when her supposed "boyfriend" left her alone, in the dark, in the woods. I saw how he didn't care about her. And more importantly, I saw how she behaved in the months after he left. Even ten years after the events, I wanted to punch something just remembering how thin she had gotten and how she would never, ever, smile or talk. She could have died and it wouldn't have affected him at all. Bella didn't want to see him so I wasn't going to interfere. We had to leave before he could get here.

"I know, honey, it's okay. We're leaving now…" I knelt next to her chair, and put her coat on her shoulders. She needed to calm down or she was going to scare me to death again. We certainly couldn't have that. Bella grabbed my hand as I was standing back up.

"Can you wait for a few seconds? I just need to be able to stand and I don't think I can do that right now."

"Of course but I can always carry you, princess," I threw in the nickname she didn't like. She did smile a little bit in return, which was a victory in itself.

"Thanks, Jake."

"Anytime." I liked the idea that if I focused enough on Bella and her well-being, I could forget everything that was going on around us. It had always been the case but it was surprising that I still managed to do so in a house full of vampires, and with more on their way.

"Are you feeling all right, Bella?" the bouncy one asked, stepping into our private world. This one was pissing me off. I found it hard to believe that she used to be Bella's best friend. They had nothing in common.

"No, she's not. You could have warned us that more leeches were going to come instead of dropping the bomb like you did!"

"I had no idea it would affect her so badly, I'm sorry…"

"Exactly. You had no idea because you don't know my wife like I do. You think you know her but you couldn't be more wrong!"

"It's not Alice's fault, Jake…"

"I disagree. She could have told us earlier since she knew it. Anyway. Do you feel like you can stand up now because I…_shit_."

It was too late. New scents hit me so hard that I almost phased on the spot. I wasn't used to being surrounded by so many bloodsuckers' scents while in human form. It was sickening and I wanted to throw up just by thinking that it was going to take lots of showers and baths to get rid of the smell.

There was no way I was going to get Bella out of the house before they arrived. I couldn't hide it, either. One look at my face was enough for her to realize that we were trapped, so to speak. She needed to focus.

"Bella, listen. It's okay. You don't have to talk to him, but there's no way we can avoid them. They're too close. But it's okay," I repeated when she started to panic. The blonde guy's superpower would come in handy in this situation. As if he'd read my mind, Bella stopped trying to butcher my hand and her body significantly relaxed. I knew that it didn't mean that she wanted to stay longer. Nothing had changed except that she wasn't in full panic mode anymore.

"Do you all come in pairs? It's annoying." The question wasn't directed to anyone in particular. I heard an "Hmmpff" so quiet that it wasn't meant to be heard by someone human. The two new scents were getting closer and closer by the second. I would have considered holding my breath but I had never been very good at it. I simply had to suck it up and concentrate on the task at hand, helping Bella up from her chair. She looked out of it, though.

"Did you say only two of them? There are two of them coming?" I didn't see how it was good news but when I nodded to confirm, she sighed so heavily that it confused me. "It's not him. I don't think it's him. It must be…"

"So, what's the big problem, Alice?" a booming voice interrupted Bella. I turned around to face the front door where the two new vampires I had smelled were looking at us, shock written all over their dead faces. It wasn't him, she was right. I only saw him a couple of times almost a decade ago so you couldn't expect me to recognize him at once. It wasn't like we kept pictures of the Cullens in La Push. But from my foggy memories, the one Bella had been involved with wasn't as big as the one who had just spoken. He was with a blonde female who could have actually looked pretty if she hadn't been dead already. She looked like one of those girls from the catalogues Embry used to steal from his mom when we were teenagers.

"Holy hell! Bella? Is that really you?" He took three steps in our direction, a big smile blooming on his face. He wasn't as bouncy as Alice but it was clear that he was pleased to see Bella.

"Hi, Emmett. Rosalie." She provided me with the names that I should have remembered. You couldn't blame me for forgetting a couple of bloodsuckers' names when it's so much easier to call them leeches in their faces. It wasn't as if I had planned on talking to them one day. This entire weekend was getting more and more out of hand and surrealistic. It wasn't what I'd expected at all. If it could help Bella move on, though, I was ready to not call it a total disaster.

"You called us in a panic because Bella Swann decided to reappear in our lives? You made us come back here only for this?" The blonde girl asked with disdain, looking at my wife with a bored expression. She didn't seem to be a big fan of her, contrary to the rest of the Cullens.

"I didn't know she was going to be here when I called. But she is! Isn't it great?"

"It's wonderful! I've missed you! And I've missed teasing you. What are you doing here?"

"We just came to…say goodbye. We ran into Carlisle yesterday at the hospital. He invited us so here we are." Bella was leaning against me as she spoke, as if she was seeking some sort of support. She could be sure to find it in me. It was amazing to see how brave she was. She'd been paralyzed yesterday at the hospital, or so she told me. I didn't think she was more comfortable with talking to this Emmett but at least she wasn't showing it if she was scared. I was pretty sure that all fear had left to be replaced by relief as she'd realized that she wasn't going to have to talk to the one she dreaded the most.

"If you ask Esme or Carlisle, they can tell you what we talked about. I don't think I can sit through another of these conversations. In fact, we were just leaving. We really have to go…"

"But, no! We just arrived! We need to catch up after all this time. I haven't even had a chance to tell you a single joke! Can't you stay a little bit longer?"

"No, we can't." He had only been focused on Bella until then, although she was practically glued to my side. I had been ignored, not that I minded very much. Bella wanted to leave so my decision was final. We were getting the hell out of this house. It wasn't a sulky blonde leech and her overjoyed mate who were going to stop me.

"Who are _you_? You stink, man. It's an infection."

Excuse me? Who did he think he was to insult me like that? I was trying to suppress my instincts to lunge at him and here he was, adding fuel to the fire. Maybe he had a death wish. I couldn't phase to attack given how close I was to Bella, so I growled instead. It was the only part of the wolf in me that I allowed to get loose whenever it wanted.

"Emmett! You can't talk to our guests like this. This is Jacob and he's Bella's husband," Esme said, scolding the big one as if he was a little kid. She really did act like a mother. The pack was never going to believe me when I'd tell them everything that I witnessed today. Bella had told me about the two oldest vampires who had "adopted" the others, but I had always thought it was some charade they had set up to get her to trust them. Now, I had to admit that it looked exactly like she had described it. It was so wrong of them. At least they weren't trying to drink Bella's blood. It seemed that the legends were true about them being "vegetarian" or whatever.

"Bella's husband or not, he reeks, that's a fact. Where did you find him? And how can you stand being so close to him?" I swear to God that if he doesn't stop I'm not going to control myself anymore. Did he think that I wasn't capable of fighting back? Physically or even verbally? It proved that he didn't know a thing about me.

"You stop it right now, Emmett. It's not funny." Esme raised her voice and the effects were immediate. She was indeed his mom. I couldn't help but smirk when I saw how he lowered his eyes to the ground, a sheepish look on his face.

"For the record, you reek as well, leech. You reek so much that it makes me want to vomit. We don't want to hear your jokes or whatever it is that you wanted to tell my wife about. She wants to leave so we're leaving. Move."

"You need to be more polite with people, Jake. I already told you that." Great. Bella was acting like my mom, too. Great.

"Bloodsuckers aren't people."

"The Cullens are people to me. You can watch your mouth for five more minutes, can't you?"

"Fine." Bella wasn't fun all the time.

"Like Jacob was saying, we do need to go because we have a long road ahead of us before getting home. I wanted to thank you for what you did," she added, turning back to face the Cullens she had talked with earlier. "Everything that you told me makes me feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and I'm really grateful for this. I…"

"Do you have a problem?" I cut her off. Bella had detached herself from my side to put her coat on and since the second she's done so, the blonde female's eyes had locked on Bella's belly. She wouldn't stop staring at it, which was something that I didn't like. There was a longing in her eyes that made me uncomfortable. I didn't want her to suddenly attack because she had some kind of morbid thing with babies. You never knew with those freaks. I grabbed Bella's hand to push her slightly behind me to protect her. She looked confused. "Do you have a problem?" I insisted, and everyone turned around to see what the problem was. In a second, the one that Bella called Emmett was by the blonde's side, apparently trying to get her out of whatever trance she was in.

"It's just…she's pregnant. You're pregnant. You're going to have a baby. Never mind. It's stupid. I…I'm sorry." She looked up to Bella's face for a really short time before she left the house so fast that, if I hadn't been used to it, I wouldn't have understood what happened. The big one was out after a quick apology, too.

"Did I do something wrong?" It was such a Bella thing to worry about the trouble she may have caused, even when it came to vampires. In my opinion, she'd done nothing wrong. The female leech was weird and I was glad she left. The fewer bloodsuckers, the merrier.

"It's not your fault, Bella. Rosalie is a bit sensitive when it comes to babies. Don't worry," the mom reassured her, taking a step forward as if she wanted to touch her. Maybe hug her or something. I still hadn't changed my mind about this. The doctor had touched enough of my wife yesterday when he bandaged her wrist. No one else was allowed to put their hands on her. It may sound like I was too overprotective but I knew that I couldn't have handled it. I pushed Bella farther behind my back, and Esme seemed to understand.

"If you're done, we really need to go, Bells. I don't want to get home too late tonight and you have to rest. You have work tomorrow morning."

"Oh, right. I completely forgot about my copies! Thanks again," she said, moving from her spot behind me to face the Cullens. "Thank you for what you said. It doesn't change everything but it does change some things and for that, I'm grateful."

"I'm sorry we hurt you like we did. I wish things would have happened differently," Carlisle chimed in. He sounded sincere. Like Bella had said, they weren't humans anymore. They didn't know how humans reacted so they hadn't anticipated what it would do to her when they left so quickly. It didn't mean that I was going to forgive them. Over my dead body.

"Yes, me too. Good bye then."

"Have a safe trip home and don't overdo it. We wouldn't want your baby to come before it's ready to." I kind of liked how the two oldest, the ones who played the parents, really cared about the baby's health. It almost made me smile. Almost. Bella was still talking to them but her voice sounded rushed until I realized that I was already walking toward the front door, toward the exit, and I was pulling her along with me. I forced myself to slow down.

"I'll call you in a few months. Promise!" the overexcited vampire's voice was the last thing we heard before we stepped on the porch. It felt so good to be outside, to be able to get some fresh air. Of course, it smelled as disgusting as the leeches inside but the freezing wind was helping a bit. I made sure that Bella wouldn't fall down the steps. I didn't think it was possible but we were in the car and on the road faster than ever. Bella had obviously been close to the vampires for too long because she smelled exactly like them. The air in the car was saturated with their sickening smell. I would have opened the window to keep from intoxicating myself if it didn't have the side effect of freezing Bella. I needed a distraction.

"How are you feeling?" She sighed and rubbed her eyes before answering my question.

"I can't believe what just happened! It was surreal! And scary. I thought I was going to faint when I realized that Alice and Jasper were here, too," she confessed, leaning back in her seat. "It wasn't what I expected. Not what I expected at all. It's strange to have everything I thought I knew about them changed."

"But they did leave you behind and they didn't bother thinking about the consequences. Don't forget about that."

"I know. That's what comforts me in the idea that we weren't meant to have a life in common. I wasn't meant to stay with them because they don't really know how to interact with humans. I just feel better knowing that they didn't leave because I wasn't good enough for them."

"I always told you that you shouldn't have believed them. Even if it had been what they thought, it would have been a lie. You're a good person, Bells. You're the best." It killed me that she thought so little of herself after everything that she'd accomplished so far. The fact that talking to her former friends could help her overcome her insecurities was the only positive aspect of the day.

"It's going to take some time but yes, I guess I'm ready to believe it. I have a great job I'm good at and I have you and the kangaroo, dammit!" Bella was cute when she swore. Then, she started to laugh. Her laughter was a little maniacal, which would have been scary under normal circumstances. After the rough weekend we'd been through, though, she was definitely allowed a little madness. "It seems stupid now to have been so insecure because of what vampires did to me. Seriously. What was I thinking at the time?"

"I'm not a shrink or anything but you were a teenager and they left overnight. It would have caused the same amount of damage if they had been humans. I don't know." I shrugged, casting a quick glance at her. Her head was resting against the headrest, and she was staring at the road in front of us.

"You're certainly right. God, I can't believe I got to talk to six of them without having a breakdown."

"I'm proud of you for it, Bells."

"It wasn't easy but I'm glad I did it. And you're the one who convinced me to go. You're amazing, Jake."

"Well, I'm trying." I flashed her a brilliant smile and she laughed quietly. It felt good to be just the two of us again.

"I wonder why he wasn't there, though. From what Alice said, she called them all and they do seem pretty close, like they were before. He should have been there, too."

"Did you want to see him?" I clutched the steering wheel harder. I couldn't let her see that the simple fact of talking about him was making me super angry. If she needed to talk about it then we would talk, whether I hated it a little or a lot.

"No. He hurt me so much more than the others did. I don't know if I could stand being in the same room as him without throwing a fit."

"He'd deserve it."

"Maybe. And yet…I saw all of the others and it went fine. Most of it went fine anyway. I have no idea what happened with Rosalie. I hope she's all right. I got to talk with them so I might have been able to hold it together in front of him? I guess we'll never know now. I won't let it get to me, you know. I need to stop looking back on the past to concentrate on the future. Our future."

"That's my girl." I carefully grabbed her hand to bring it to my lips. All these distractions hadn't made me forget about her sprained wrist. It didn't seem to hurt much since she barely winced when I touched it. She smiled as I kissed her fingers and shifted in her seat so she was closer to me. A shy ray of sunlight peeked through the thick clouds to fall right on her face. She looked like an angel. I wanted to tell her that, even if it was cheesy, but she talked again before I had the chance to open my mouth.

"Still, I think I wish he'd have showed up. With you by my side, I would have been brave enough to tell him all that's in my heart. I would have told him that he hurt me so deeply I almost never made it through. I would have told him he acted like a complete asshole."

The car swerved a little bit to the left as I turned my head too fast when she spoke. I was pretty sure Bella had never used this word in her life before. She didn't swear. Well, almost never. And she wasn't one to randomly insult people. Mind you, she could insult vampires whenever she felt the need to. I wasn't going to stop her. I got the car under control quickly.

"Did you…just call your vampire ex an…_asshole_?" I was a little shocked that she used such a word but a smile broke on my face as I heard her reply.

"Oh my God, yes I did! What is wrong with me? Sorry."

"Honey, trust me. You don't have to apologize to me. Not for this. You can call him names all you want. I totally approve of you cursing leeches." She joined me in my laughter until it died down to leave the car silent. It was a good sort of silence. We needed to calm down after our encounter with the Cullens. I knew what would greatly help me but it wasn't an available option. My body was craving phasing. I couldn't give in. I was far away from La Push yet, it wouldn't stop me from sharing my thoughts with another member of the pack if one of my brothers happened to be in wolf form, too.

Still, it would be a relief for a few minutes. I was afraid of the consequences it could have on me after I phased back. It had been a painful experience before, one that I wasn't willing to try again. On the other hand, I desperately wanted to get rid of all the tension and the anger that animated me. Ugh. It was an impossible situation. Bella sighed next to me, bringing me back to reality.

"My vampire ex…It's hard to believe that I used to date a vampire."

"I agree with you. It was just sick." The simple thought made me want to puke. My Bella? With a leech? I knew it used to be real at one point. It didn't change the fact that it was sick and that I hated it.

"So says the _werewolf_ I married. Help! I'm surrounded by mystical creatures!" She exclaimed, attempting to sound scared but quite failing.

"Oh, but it's completely different. I'm way better than a vampire."

"Are you?"

"Of course! First, I'm not dead. That's a major argument in my favor, isn't it?" I loved how Bella was smiling and joking with me. Her cheeks were getting redder, as if the color she'd lost when she was nervous during the morning was slowly coming back. The farther away from the vampires I would get us, the better it would be for her. "And then, I'm hot. I'm incredibly hot," I carried on. "Can you imagine living with someone so cold you freeze every time they touch you? Brrr. Besides, werewolves are cooler and more fun than vampires. That's all."

Her laugh was refreshing. I was happy that we could talk freely about leeches. It had always been taboo before because she was still hurting more than she thought. Talking about them wasn't my favorite topic of conversation but it was nice to see that she could do it now. All the pain couldn't have gone away so fast. It would take time. She was ready to heal and it was enough for now.

We spent the rest of the ride in comfortable silence. I had already packed the few things we'd brought with us early this morning so we would be able to leave as quickly as possible. But I hadn't anticipated the fact that we would reek this much. I mean, I knew that being in the same room as the Cullens wasn't going to be a nice experience. It was shocking how much of their reeking smell had contaminated both Bella and I. A shower was definitely in order. The fresh air I breathed when we got out of the car was already a good thing.

"Do you mind if I go lie down for a bit before we leave? I need to rest," Bella asked as soon as we were in the little cottage. She did look exhausted even if it wasn't anything new. Bella looked like she could sleep all day long all the time. It was starting to worry me. Pregnancies were demanding but she was overdoing it. I hated to admit it but I agreed with the leech doctor. She needed to take it easy.

"Bells…I'm going to have a shower and I was hoping that you'd join me. Not for that! You know me better than that!" I added as she looked at me with surprise and shock. It was insulting that she assumed at once that I implied sex, even if it was true that it would be great for stress relief.

"Sorry, Jake. I'm tired, I guess. I already had a shower this morning. I don't think I need another one. Thanks." She was _so_ wrong. She so needed one.

"Actually, you do kinda need one. I'm not trying to be mean or anything but you smell like…"

"Oh, stop it! What is wrong with you guys?" She threw her hands in the air, clearly annoyed. "First, Carlisle tells me that I smell different, whatever _that_ means. Then, Emmett and now you? You're telling me that I _smell_?"

"You smell like a vampire so yes. I do, too. My clothes smell horrible. I don't think I'll ever be able to wear them again. You don't smell bad per se, Bells." This was a pure lie. She reeked so much that I had trouble breathing correctly. She was mad, though. I had no intention of making her angrier at me. "But you do smell like my enemy. Will you please come have a shower with me? And after, I promise you can nap all you want. Please."

"I don't smell anything." She sniffed her arm, her other arm, and looked up at me, frowning. "I don't smell a thing."

"That's because you don't have my sense of smell."

"How do I smell to you?"

"Extremely sweet and it's sickening. So much that it's burning my nose. It hurts."

"We can't have this. I'm sorry I shouted at you."

"It's okay, you didn't know."

I helped her out of her coat and grabbed her good hand to lead her to the bathroom. There, she willingly let me undress her. We were in the shower and under the stream of water faster this way. The warm water was more than welcome. Bella sighed happily as she leaned back against my chest for support. We spent a few minutes without moving, just getting soaked wet. My hands had landed on her belly like they always did when we were standing like this, no matter whether we were naked or not. Being naked was better since it allowed me to feel her soft skin under my fingertips. I felt closer to her, and closer to the baby, especially when she kicked. I didn't need her to kick her mother to remind me that she was real. She was alive and she was growing inside of Bella. Soon, she would be here with us; I couldn't wait. It was so peaceful to be connected to my wife and my kid like this, alone in our little world. We were having a few stolen minutes for ourselves between a crazy encounter with monsters and going back to life at home.

Bella sighed again, her head below my heart, her eyes closed. She was enjoying herself. She may have thought that a shower wasn't necessary; she couldn't deny the benefit of it. I realized too late that she didn't protect her bandaged hand, which was resting on top of her belly. She didn't seem to mind but I did. For all I knew, she may have simply forgotten about it. It sounded like something she might do. She had too much on her mind to remember that she was hurt. Still, I was going to have to find some more bandages later.

I reached over to grab the bottle of shower gel and started to clean her arms and her back. I noticed how tense she was, making a mental note to do something to ease the tension there after the shower. She let me clean her entire body, apparently pretty pleased that she was being taken care of. I didn't scrub too hard for fear of hurting her, but I hoped that I would at least get most of the stench to disappear.

"Here you go. You smell like Bells, now," I announced when I was done. I got up from my keeling position and kissed her lips on the way up. I couldn't help but linger there for a little while. She locked her arms around my neck and kept on kissing me while the water was washing the soap away. A kiss from Bella was the best reward after such a hard morning. Her lips were soft and although I could still discern some fetid vampire smell on her, I pushed it away. Her lips definitely smelled like her. It was enough.

"Go dry off and get some rest. I'll stay in here a little bit longer," I said once I reluctantly let go of her lips. She let her arms fall down to my waist to hug me before she stepped out of the shower. I grabbed the shower gel again but this time, I wasn't careful with my scrubbing. I wanted the stinky smell off my skin in one go. I didn't want to spend the rest of the day with it on me. I scrubbed and scrubbed until my arms were slightly redder than usual and moved on to my legs. It did take some time even if it was worth it.

As I was drying myself, I couldn't smell anything other than the soap I used. I put my clothes in a bag because there was no way in hell I was wearing them again. We would see after a couple of washings if they were wearable. If not, I wouldn't have any regrets getting rid of them. I could even burn them. It'd give me some sort of satisfaction since I didn't get the chance to do the same with the bloodsuckers we met today.

I wrapped the towel around my waist and headed to the bedroom to get a change of clothes. I expected Bella to be already asleep. It never took her very long to fall asleep when she was mentally exhausted. Instead, she was sitting on the bed, brushing her hair. It hadn't been part of the plan to get it wet. I didn't want her to get sick because of it. And she was only wearing her robe. It was hot in the room but still. I quickly searched for a pair of boxers in our bag and hurried to her side. I climbed on the bed to sit right behind her.

"You have to put some clothes on or you're going to get a cold."

"I will in a minute. Mmm. I like that," she half-moaned, half-purred as I removed the robe from her shoulders to give her the massage I'd planned earlier. Her skin was so soft that I was enjoying it maybe more than she did.

"I noticed that you were sort of tense so I decided to help," I whispered in her ear. She shivered with pleasure.

"You were right. Your hands are so hot, it feels like I'm in heaven. And I totally needed this. Thanks, Jake."

"Anytime, honey. How's your hand?"

"Not so bad, actually. It still stings a little if I jerk it too violently but it should be okay. I'm used to having casts and I've seen worse. I'll be fine. Oh…I like this better."

The robe had slipped all the way down to her butt, revealing her bare back. I took the opportunity to slide my hands further down to warm her lower back, easing some of the pain which was caused by the baby's kicks and by her pregnant state in general. I was always happy to relieve her of some pain even if it was only temporary.

"If you had told me yesterday that the day would go so well, I wouldn't have believed you at all. Thanks for making me go."

"It was an opportunity that you couldn't miss. I think that it did you good even if I wish we could have just not run into that stupid doctor at the hospital at all."

"I'm such an idiot!" she exclaimed suddenly. "I didn't ask you how you felt! I'm horrible!" She tried to turn around but I was having none of it. She was no match for my strength. "It must have been awful for you, Jake."

"I'm not going to lie. It was. It was hard to stay in control and not attack any of them. Especially since they kept pouring into the house without any warning. I'd never talked to vampires before. We kill them. We don't chat with them. But you were there with me. I concentrated on you, on the fact that I couldn't lose my temper for the risk of hurting you, on the fact that I couldn't leave you alone with them. As a matter of fact, I'm really amazed at my self-control. I didn't imagine I had it in me."

"I'm proud of you. And I'm sure your dad must be very proud, too."

"You think so?"

"I know so." She nodded and my heart ached a bit at her words. Most of the time, Bella didn't instigate conversations about my father. She always waited for me to do so. She understood that I didn't want to be reminded of him verbally. It was hard enough that he filled my thoughts all the time. It had been a month already but it wasn't getting easier. I was desperate for the sadness to leave me. I was constantly sad, which wasn't fair to the people who had to endure my harshness. There was no way I was showing the world how much I hurt inside. I preferred to be harsh to them so they'd know not to mess with me and they'd leave me alone. I wasn't being very sociable lately.

To hear Bella say that Billy would be proud of me for how I behaved nearly brought tears in my eyes. I'd never cried as much as since my dad died. But I wasn't going to cry now. I had to start controlling myself. Life was still going on, whether my father was alive or not. It sucked but I needed to try to keep going. Bella was the best support I could have asked for. She was always there to make sure that I was all right. She always listened to me. I was aware that I had been asking her a lot. It was another reason for wanting to go on. I had to relieve her of all the stress I was putting her through.

"I love you," I whispered against her skin once I was done with my massage. I kissed her shoulder and put her robe back on.

"Thank you for that, Jake. With this and the shower, you've been putting me in the best mood for a nap."

"Then go ahead, honey. You deserve it."

"Are you staying with me?"

"I think I'm going to go for a run instead. I need to get rid of all this energy I've accumulated while trying not to kill anybody. But I won't be gone for long. I'll probably be back before you wake up."

"Okay. Be safe." She hugged her robe closer and pulled the comforter over her legs. I kissed her lips one more time, turned off the light and left the bedroom.

I knew I wanted to go running. What I didn't know was if I wanted to phase or not. Bella had just brought Billy to the front of my mind yet again. Being a wolf would make me significantly less sad. I was dreading the aftermath. I didn't want to be a mess afterwards. On the other hand, I hadn't phased in weeks. I couldn't know whether it would have the same effects as the day my father died or not. I had to phase to find out.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Jake. When did you turn into such a pussy?" I muttered under my breath as I walked into the kitchen to see if there was something left for me to eat. It was ridiculous to be scared of phasing. It was a deep part of me. I'd almost always enjoyed it. My body was actually asking for it. It wasn't going to hurt if I tried, right? And even if it did, at least it would show me that I wasn't ready yet. I had to try.

I shoved the last remaining piece of cake in my mouth, pleased with myself that I'd set my mind. I was going to phase and if it hurt after I phased back, it just meant that I was human. I had feelings. I'd lost my dad; the wounds were still open but I had to keep on living life. For good measure, I wrote a note to Bella that I left well on display on the kitchen table. I was about to take off my shoes when the horrid scent I had just managed to get rid of a few minutes ago hit my nose. Dammit! Couldn't they leave us alone?

I clutched the counter with both hands to keep from shaking. My body was getting prepared to phase but it wasn't an option anymore. One of the two scents was familiar which meant that I met the vampire it belonged to earlier. They were heading here. I couldn't leave Bella alone. Not if she was sleeping, unaware of what was going on. What the hell did they want? Didn't they realize that they needed to let us be? That Bella needed peace and quiet? Did they think they had every right to come whenever they wanted? They better not betray their promise and show up in Forks later in our lives. Because if they thought that I wasn't serious about my threats, they were in for a surprise. I was beyond furious. I took deep breaths to calm down. Smelling bloodsuckers was encouraging my body to phase even more. I wasn't going to let my control slip. As the smells got closer, I grabbed the counter harder until I heard the wood crack under my grip. Fuck.

Reluctantly, I let go of it. My fists were balled at my sides. I deserved a freaking award for being able to stay in control under so much pressure. The guys were going to flip when I'd get to tell them what happened this weekend. Romantic, my ass. It had been totally ruined by the leeches. Except for the sexy times. Those were good. I should focus on them to calm down. Thinking about my Bella naked was the best way to keep from phasing out of anger. Deep breath, deep breath, deep…knock on the door. Deep breath. I faced six of them without acting like an idiot. It'll be fine.

The door almost got ripped from its frame as I opened it. It was a good thing they came to the kitchen door instead of the front door. I was seething already but it literally took everything in me to not rip his head off when I saw who was standing in front of me.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" I shouted. He was the only one who we hadn't seen yet. The one Bella thought she didn't want to see but wanted to see anyway. The one she called an asshole. The one I hated more than all the others put together. I couldn't help but growl. What was he doing here? Did he find it funny to torture us like this? To torture Bella like this? God, I hoped I could deal with him fast so she wouldn't even have to know that he was here.

"Hello again, Jacob!" the bouncy little vampire chimed in. "This is…"

"I know who this is."

"Oh, okay. Since you said that you'd help me kick him you-know-where, I thought I'd come along to see how it goes." It wasn't funny. My jaw was set and I had no intention to even try to smile and be polite. Bella wasn't here to scold me. They were vampires, for God's sake. They deserved my hatred.

"What the hell are you doing here, leech?"

"I apologize for the intrusion. I am aware of the discomfort it gives you but I only arrived minutes ago. Alice mentioned what happened so…"

"Get to the fucking point."

"Bella forgot her medication at Carlisle and Esme's house." I noticed for the first time the brown bag he had in his hand. The meds had totally left my mind. They shouldn't have. They were important for Bella's health. It had been a stupid move to leave without them, especially since it obliged _him_ to show up at the cottage. He handed me the bag and I grabbed it, careful not to touch his hand.

"Anything else?"

"I was hoping that I would have a chance to talk to Bel…"

"Excuse me? Are you insane? You aren't getting anywhere near my wife. Not after everything you did to her. Do you understand? I'm letting you get away with your visit because we need these meds but don't push your luck. You're disgusting and if I can give you any advice, it's to run back to where you came from before I smash your head into the wall." I took a much needed breath. I was furious that he assumed he might be able to see Bella, or worse, talk to her. My hand was still resting on the doorknob and I had the reflex of taking it off. I didn't want to break anything else. Except his head. Crushing his head would be gratifying. Plus, it would use some of the wild anger that I was keeping inside. I wanted to hurt him over and over for what he did to Bella. I wanted him to suffer as much as she did all these years ago. I wanted him to pay. Unfortunately, it was bound to create a mess. Bella wouldn't like it if I ended up tearing the house down. She would be mad enough when she'd realized there was a dent on the kitchen counter.

"I remember her fussing around for the tiniest things," the leech said, a dreamy look on his face. What the fuck was that about? Then, I remembered.

"You stay the fuck out of my head! You have no…"

"Jake? Who are you yelling at this time?" a sleepy Bella asked from the hallway. These leeches really had managed to ruin the entire day, didn't they? Fuck them.

"No one, honey. Just go back to…" But it was too late. She was in the kitchen and nothing I could do was going to prevent her from seeing our visitors. She gasped loudly when she realized what was going on. Her face lost all its color and she grabbed the table to keep from falling.

"Edward? What…what…what…" This was the worst so far. Well, maybe not. Maybe she panicked like this when she saw the doctor at the hospital. But this one? She wasn't expecting to see him _and_ she feared it. I hated him.

"Bella? It's fine. I'm here, honey. It's okay." I was by her side in a matter of seconds to gather her in my arms. She hid against my chest. I was supporting most of her weight so I was sure that she wouldn't fall to the ground if she ended up fainting. Her heartbeat was going wild. I pulled up a chair so she could sit down but she wouldn't let go of me. She looked terrified.

"Are you satisfied? Now, get the hell out of here or I swear to God, I'm not responsible for my actions anymore!"

"I'm sorry. I had no idea…"

"Whatever. Out. Both of you."

"Jake, wait." It was such a tiny whisper that I almost didn't hear it. I was too focused on not crushing her body in my tight embrace. My hands were begging to destroy things.

Bella raised her head a little bit but she still wasn't looking at the vampires. Her eyes were closed as her good hand was clawing at my shirt like she wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to disappear or something. Her voice was barely audible against my chest.

"Let me calm down a bit. I'll be fine. Do you remember what I said in the car?" I knew what she was referring to yet, I wasn't positive it was the best time to do so. There would never be a right time, though. She was going to get what she wanted no matter how much I hated it. "I have to do this. Don't leave yet, please," she added for the leech.

After a couple of minutes, Bella was still panicking but at least her breathing was back to normal. Her heartbeat was slowing down to its normal rate. She wasn't going to faint. I offered her the chair and this time she accepted it. I didn't sit because I couldn't stay still. I hated that she wanted to talk to him even if it was simply to tell him that he sucked. Of that, I was certain. It had always been difficult to understand what Bella had found attractive in a vampire. Everything about them was plain repulsive. But now that he was standing a few feet from me, I still couldn't see what had drawn her to him. His skin was as white as the other bloodsuckers. You couldn't be attracted to someone who looked like they could drop dead at any second. To sum it up, he was my complete opposite. Bella had chosen me. Even after her college adventures and all, she had chosen me. How could she have liked someone who was so different from me? I thought girls had "types" of guys that they liked better than others. It was beyond my understanding.

"You can come in if you want. You don't have to stay outside." She was looking down at the table. She didn't want to look at them. Whatever worked best for her.

"Yeah, and close the door after you. We aren't all immune to the cold." Bella hadn't changed from her robe which meant that she was certainly naked underneath it. I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all.

"Hello, Bella." He looked like a miracle had made Bella appear in front of me. He was looking at her and only her.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, you forgot your medication so we brought it to you. And since I arrived late, I decided to try to see you. We didn't know whether you'd be gone or not. I'm glad you aren't."

"Why?"

"Everyone else had the chance to talk to you. I didn't want to miss this opportunity."

"Why?" Bella asked again. She wanted to talk but it seemed that she didn't intend to participate much in the conversation. She wasn't at ease. I came to stand behind her chair and put my hands on her shoulders. She had to know that I was here for her, that she needed to be strong and that it'd be over soon.

"I've missed you, Bella. I've missed you so much, just like Alice did, just like everybody else did. I've missed you." This time, Bella looked up from the table, shocked. He seemed sincere since and he was gazing at her with adoration. This wasn't good.

"You what? Stop it, Edward. You left me. You told me that you didn't want me. So don't come here eight years later to tell me that you missed me. Because I know it's not the truth."

"I lied to you, Bella. I'm not proud of it but I did. When I left you in the woods, I didn't want to. I had to lie to you so you would not try to come after me." This was bullshit. I wasn't the only one who wasn't buying it, either.

"Then why did you lie to me?"

"I had to protect you. I loved you too much to chance to seeing you hurt again. I…"

"Bullshit, Edward!" Who knew my Bella could swear like this? Maybe I had been a bad influence on her. "If you love someone, you don't lie to them. Even if it's to protect them. You don't tell them you don't love them when you actually do. You don't leave them alone in the woods. You don't leave them alone feeling like they're worth nothing." Her words were like swords and I was satisfied to see the leech flinch under her harsh tone. She had recovered from her shock. She was ready to tell him everything she had on her mind. This conversation wasn't going to be as smooth as the one she had with the others.

Besides, he didn't act like he knew all the side effects that his leaving had had on Bella. Maybe he needed a little reminder. It was painful for me as well because I didn't like to reminisce on this period of Bella's life. I forced myself to think back to when I was a teenager and Bella was deep in her depression. I thought of when we would come to her house to watch a game and she would just stare into space. She would never reply if you talked to her. She looked dead inside. It was hard but as the leech winced after seeing my thoughts, it was worth it. Served him right.

"It was a bad move on my part; I have come to understand this. And I'm really sorry that you hurt so much. I didn't mean to cause such pain."

"But you did. You almost ruined my life so I don't want to hear about your pseudo love. I don't believe it."

"I wish you did. I regretted breaking up with you before I actually ended things between us. It took me some time but I came back to Forks this year to ask for your forgiveness and to check on you." He did what? I growled without helping it. "I saw you at your prom. You wore such a beautiful purple dress and you looked like you were enjoying yourself. You looked happy. I couldn't have imagined how much you suffered." He had a weird look on his face, as if he was back in time. The first thought in my mind was that I couldn't remember the dress Bella wore when I took her to prom. I was a bit jealous that the leech got to remember it. Then, I saw red all over again. He was there? He was in Forks that day. He could have talked to Bella, he could have messed with her head. He wasn't getting away with it.

"What the fuck…"

"You did what?" Bella cut me off. She half stood up from her chair. The last time she had been this mad was back when she found out that I'd lied to her about being Sam's beta. It wasn't good to be the one her rage was directed at. Yet, she really should calm down. "You came to _check_ on me? I'm not a child, Edward. I'm an adult. I don't need you to check on me."

"I meant to protect you."

"I said it to Alice this morning. I don't need your protection. I don't want it."

"I apologize, Bella. I meant to do good but I only caused more trouble." I wasn't sure what to think anymore. He seemed sincere about his intentions. He also looked pained that Bella would shout at him. "I love you, though. Don't doubt it, please. It's the only thing I am sure of."

"It's true, you know. He loves you and he's been a pain ever since we left." I had forgotten about the little vampire who was standing next to the door. Could it be possible that this leech, the one she used to date, left for the same reason as the others? Did they all leave because they loved her? What fucked up logic. I could see the wheels turning in Bella's head. She was processing the new information.

"I don't love you anymore. I stopped a long time ago. You shouldn't have left like you did. I could have handled the truth. You didn't have to lie. It would have spared me months of depression although, I guess you're right. I may have wanted to follow you. I was stupid enough to do it." Bella sounded calmer now. I liked that better. "But I'm glad you left, Edward. I was young at the time and ready to throw my life away at the first occasion. I would have missed out on a lot of things. I would have missed out on meeting Jacob and I wouldn't be having my baby."

"I've always wanted you to be happy and to have a normal, human life, you know. I almost ruined that for you."

"Jacob saved me," she said, looking up at me with a weak smile. I loved her so goddamn much.

"I can see that. I'm happy for you." Good. The conversation seemed to be winding down. Bella didn't want to rip his head off and he had successfully proven that he knew absolutely nothing about relationships. They were free to go.

"We should go. Your husband has been screaming it at me long enough." I refrained from making any comment. He was leaving; I was happy with it.

"I apologize for shouting at you. I wasn't expecting to see you and all my feelings boiled up to the surface at once. I'm sorry."

"It's all right. I deserved it. It would have never occurred to me that you may have been so miserable because of me. I'm the one who should be sorry. Good bye, Bella."

"Bye, Edward. Bye, Alice." She hadn't finished her sentence that they were already gone. She slumped down in her chair and I knelt to be at her level to hug her. What she had done was brave. I was so proud of her.

"This was even more surreal than all that has happened today. Can you believe it? Can you believe he was here?" Unfortunately, yes, I could. His smell was everywhere. So much for having a shower. Bella's voice was shaking as well as her hands. Honestly, if you'd told me one week ago that I would get to talk to the entire Cullen coven in one day, I would have laughed in your face.

"I can't believe he was stupid enough to lie to me to me by telling me that he didn't want me anymore. You don't lie to people to protect them!"

"I did, too, honey. Don't you remember? I did the same when I told you that I wasn't Sam's beta when actually, I was." I wasn't proud of the fact that I shared something with the leech.

"It's not the same. You didn't break my heart and you didn't leave me depressed. It's not the same."

"If you say so. Are you gonna be okay, Bells?"

"It's going to take some time to realize that today actually happened and that it wasn't just a nightmare but yes, I think I'm going to be all right. I want to leave, though, Jake. I don't want to stick around. Who knows what could happen next? And I miss Beta," she added in my neck and I felt her lips stretch into a smile.

"I totally agree with you. Let's get you changed before, okay?" I offered her my hand so she could stand up. She hugged me close as soon as she was on her feet. Her belly was trapped between us. This was the best in the world. Just the three of us, alone, in peace. Without any leeches messing with us. Because, hopefully, I would never hear from the Cullens ever again. The little one may call Bella but, for me, they didn't exist anymore. And I was okay with it.

I couldn't wait to leave this town, too. It hadn't brought anything good and I didn't want to wait for new disasters to come. Besides, I kind of missed the dog, too.

* * *

And with this, I say goodbye to the Cullens. I would have never thought it'd be so hard to write them. Next time I want to do it, I need a volunteer to kick my ass and tell me no. Thanks.

Jacob doesn't remember Bella's prom dress so just to refresh his memory, there's a link on my profile page. The dress is really, really, really cute.

Oh my...what is this? A teaser? Could it be possible that the next chapter is already written and with the beta? Well...yes :)

**Chapter 35: My Very Own Waterfall.**

**"Oh, I'll come to visit," Angela said, sitting down next to me and stretching her long legs. "Babies are cute." Beth made a gagging noise to which I replied with a stern look. My baby was definitely going to be cute.**


	37. Chapter 35

Big thanks to my beta **faite-comme-moi **for basically telling me that my English has improved so much over the years that she had almost nothing to correct in this chapter. You can't even imagine how happy it makes me! :D

A big thank you to all the lovely ladies on Twitter who helped me in finding gifts for Bella's baby shower, since it's not something we do in France. Thank you to **cloudcandace (wordslinger)**, **wolfh00r**, **MeraNaamJokerFF**, and **Katiecav1989** (who also happens to be my boss on **TwiFicReviews**).

Disclaimer: What do I own? A cute pair of cow-boy boots, an awesome leather jacket, a blue suitcase, and a Teddy Bear named Ani after Anakin Skywalker. But I don't own Twilight or its characters. Unfortunately...

* * *

**Chapter 35. My Very Own Waterfall**

_**Bella's PoV**_

_**Saturday, 7****th**** of March**_

I felt like a little girl again. I was sitting on my bed with my mother next to me and she was curling my hair. It wasn't really easy given that it was rather short but she had managed to curl some locks already and it looked good. It was better to have someone to help me because curling the hair at the back of my head was always so difficult I usually gave up before even trying. Renée always loved playing with my hair when I was younger so she literally jumped with excitement when I asked for her help. Besides, she went on by saying that it would good practice for her. She wanted the baby to come visit her a lot when it'll be older. She was also siding with Jacob on the fact that it was a girl. And she couldn't wait to play with her granddaughter's hair, too. I simply shrugged at that. I knew that I was right and that it was a boy. They would be proved wrong soon enough.

So here I was, dutifully sitting with my hands folded on my big belly, waiting for my hair to be curled. I had no doubt that Renée would want to move on to my make-up later. She looked like a little kid enjoying her new toy. It was hard not to laugh at, or even with, her as she excitedly spoke about going shopping again. She was just too happy to be up here in La Push with us. I liked it, too, except for the fact that it had led me to ask Charlie and Sue to keep Beta with them. I could tell that the dog wasn't pleased about it.

My mother had been staying with us for a week already. She came to help with the baby shower. She has been the one planning it; it was only natural that she would want to be here to buy the decorations and everything else she needed, even though I told her over and over again that she didn't have to go over the top. It was hopeless. Things with Renée always went over the top. In the end it was worth it, though. That's why I didn't complain. I actually liked having her around. At the start, I wasn't fond of the idea that she had to sleep on the couch because it was far from comfortable. Jacob agreed with me on that and on her second day, he came back home with in inflatable mattress which looked so great that I wanted to keep it for myself. Now that I could sleep all day long, I would have totally done that. But it was hard to get up from it by myself.

Having my mother around was nice because it meant that I didn't have to spend my days alone. After our somewhat catastrophic Valentine's Day weekend, I followed Carlisle's advice and went to see my doctor. First, for my wrist, and second because Jacob was afraid that with all the stress that had forced upon me, I would go into labor earlier than planned. With my pregnancy history, I had to admit that I was a bit scared, too. I'd done all I could to keep the baby in a safe and peaceful environment, only to have all these external events crashing my plans. My stupid fall at Thanksgiving, the big fight over Jacob's lie, Billy's death, and then the Cullens. I still had trouble realizing that this had really happened; that after all these years I got to talk to them all again. It seemed so surreal. Mind you, if the guys hadn't seen it through Jacob's thoughts, I don't think they would have believed it either.

The hardest thing to accept was that Edward had loved me all along. I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if he had never left or if he had come back and apologized the year after. Would I have taken him back? Would have I become a vampire, too? The mere thought of it made me shudder. It was difficult for my adult self to see why I was so eager to die when I was younger. All these fears running through my mind ultimately led to new nightmares but Jacob was always beside me to soothe me and tell me that everything was okay. He would remind me that I was with him, only him, and that vampires belonged to my past, just my past. Of course, these bad dreams made him hate the Cullens even more, if it was possible.

When we went to see the doctor shortly after we got back from Oregon, I already knew that I wouldn't throw a fit if she asked me to go on my maternity leave early, which she did. It was safer for the baby, and frankly, it was the only thing that mattered now. It'd make things a bit tight in the future but we would figure a way around it. I was off of work as soon as they found me a substitute. I didn't like that I was leaving my students so suddenly. Fortunately, everyone understood and when I met the teacher who would take over my classes, I was satisfied to realize that we got along well, which reassured me. The doctor also advised me to rest as much as possible, something I was more than willing to do. I could sleep in until ten a.m. and usually, Jacob would have made me breakfast before going to work. He was turning into the perfect housewife. He wanted me off my feet almost all the time, like the doctor had ordered. He was the one doing the dishes, vacuuming and all. Even if I sometimes had to do it again after him, it was very sweet of him anyway. I didn't know if it was a temporary thing or if he would keep on helping after the baby's birth but it was nice for now to relax while he was did all the work.

Now that Renée was here, though, she was helping a lot, too. I felt useless and awkward when I watched them wash the dishes together. However, if she hadn't been around, I would have ended up watching TV all day long and honestly, it would have sucked. I was okay with resting but it could get boring pretty fast. I had my laptop and could have worked on my book. Yet, I found it hard to do so with someone constantly trying to read over my shoulder. My work wasn't good enough for anyone to see. Not until I edited it at least once or twice. As a distraction, Renée suggested that we start knitting. It was such a cliché activity for a pregnant woman to do. It turned out to be real fun because we both sucked so much at it. We had even set up a challenge. The one who would manage to make a decent scarf by the end of next week would have to take the other to lunch. At this rate, nobody was going to win.

One of the other positive aspects of having Renée home was that Jacob liked her company. She had been careful around him at the start because she hadn't seen him in months and she found him sadder than she recalled. It was true but I was glad to notice that he was smiling more these days. The sadness was still there of course, but not quite as present as a month ago. It seemed that he wanted to enjoy life again. He had phased a couple of times and he was so ecstatic when he came back from it that I smiled so hard it almost hurt. I was hoping that his nightmares would disappear soon. There were nights when he didn't want to go to sleep. With my mother around, it wasn't possible for him to watch TV at night. He had to stay in bed with me, reading. It was great to see him read this much. We could finally talk about books together. He was a quick reader, like me.

As a whole, I wasn't looking forward to my mother going back to California. I knew she'd be back next month to meet her grandchild but having her with me reminded me of when we lived together in Phoenix. So I was enjoying every single minute I could spend with her. She was finally done with my hair which looked really curly. I loved it.

"Here. You look wonderful, Bella. I can't wait to take a picture! Now, how strongly would you object to pink eye shadow?" she asked, carefully setting the curling iron aside to grab the make-up box. Ugh. Pink eye shadow. Exactly what I was afraid of.

"Mom. I'm already wearing a pink dress. If you keep this up, I'm going to look like a giant candy."

"The dress isn't pink. It's raspberry. It's completely different."

"Whatever."

"So…sulky child. Pink eye shadow?" She was grinning at me because she knew that she was going to win. She always won. I was wearing the dress she chose, after all. But I'd be lying if I said that I didn't like it. I loved the way it fit my curves and how the tie wrapping enhanced my belly. It was a baby shower so the baby, or the place where he spent his little life, had to put forward.

"Keep it light, then. And no blush." She nodded before ordering me to close my eyes. She was so focused as she worked her magic on me that she even stopped talking. The room was silent and I could hear the TV playing in the living rom. Given the shooting sounds coming from it, it was likely that Jacob was playing one of his video games. It was cute that, at almost 25, he and the guys hadn't stopped playing those. Renée was a master at the art of make-up so my room didn't stay quiet for long. It didn't take her more than five minutes to be done with my face.

"Perfect. You can stand up and go admire yourself." I carefully stood up from the bed and went to the mirror to see whether or not she had listened to me. The door bell rang, followed by a muffled "shit" as Jacob stopped his game to answer the door. I'd have to talk to him about swearing. I couldn't tolerate this around our child. It may be easier for him to avoid slipping if he tried to restrain himself before the baby actually arrived. In a little over a month, we would finally be able to hold our kangaroo. It was difficult for me to realize that it was going to happen so soon. It seemed that only yesterday, I was trying to write my wedding vows when the phone rang to bring the life-changing news. But even if I couldn't believe it, seven months had passed since that August day.

"I like it, Mom. Thanks," I said, pleased with how my face looked. I wasn't sure about the lip gloss but I wasn't going to wipe it off and hurt her feelings. It'd go away by itself. I just needed Jacob's help for a little while.

"You're all set to go. How exciting! Your first baby shower! Are you excited?"

I rolled my eyes. "Of course, Mom. I'm going to get so much stuff I won't even know where to store it and there's going to be cake. You know I'm easily bribed with cake these days."

"Which is exactly why I asked your friend Emily to make her delicious chocolate cake." I looked away from the mirror at this. Renée was looking at me with a big smile. She knew me too well. This cake was the best ever. Emily had never wanted to give me the recipe, claiming that it was a family secret. I never missed a chance to eat two or three pieces of it.

"That's awesome! I can't wait!"

"Bella? Can you come here for a sec?" Jacob's booming voice interrupted our conversation. "Alone!" he added after a few seconds. Renée shrugged it off, apparently not offended at all. I hurried down the hallway to find him in the kitchen, pacing and quite angry.

"What is it, Jake?"

"Look at what the delivery guy just brought." He wouldn't look at me, which was worrying me. I grabbed the big envelope that was on the table. It wasn't heavy and in fact, there was only a glossy silver card in it. After a quick scan of it, it appeared to be a gift card from a photographer in Seattle who specialized in baby photos. I didn't understand why Jacob would be mad at such a great present.

"I don't see what the problem is."

"There's a note which came with it. Here." He tossed me a crumpled piece of paper that he had been holding in his hand. Once it was flattened and readable again, it was clear why he was in this mood.

_Dear Bella, _

_This photographer is the best in the entire state of Washington. He will make the cutest baby pictures ever. Have an amazing day!_

_Alice._

"Did you tell her it was your baby shower today?"

"What? Of course, I didn't! How could I have? I don't even have her phone number. And I told you that I wasn't going to be the one instigating contact!" It hurt that Jacob had so little faith in me when it came to Alice and the Cullens. Didn't he understand that I wanted minimal contact with them? I didn't want them to become a permanent feature of my life. Not after all this time.

"But how does she know today's the shower, then?"

"Geez, Jake. I don't know. Maybe she saw it or something," I hissed. I was trying not to yell because my mother was only a few feet away from us.

"I hate them," he confessed for the hundredth time, finally looking up from the floor and to me. "I thought it was clear that I didn't want them to interfere in our lives. This isn't a welcome interference."

"I don't want it either but you don't know Alice like I do. She's hard to restrain once she has something in her mind."

"Yeah, well, she better not think that it's okay to send stuff like that all the time."

"I can tell her to stop when she calls, if you want. Besides, I'm not really looking forward to talking to her, you know. I don't see what we would talk about. We're better off without them." This earned me a smile and he crossed the room to come stand next to me. He took the gift card from my hands, frowning at it in disgust.

"I can't believe that leech did this! She's not a friend, she's merely nothing! We don't need her presents!" Jacob lowered his voice, too, not wanting Renée to hear words she wasn't supposed to.

"She's Alice," I shrugged. Alice would apparently never cease to shop and buy me things. She always did in the past but I wasn't fond of the idea that she could start doing it again. How could I stop dwelling in the past if she kept this up? I was sure that she meant well and at least she didn't get us baby clothes which could have made us guess if it was a boy or a girl. But she wasn't my friend anymore, Jacob was right. She couldn't act like one because I didn't want her to. Acting like a friend meant that she would assume she was fully welcome back and forgiven, which wasn't the case at all. I had the feeling that her first phone call would also be her last one.

"But you can't say that this isn't a great present," I went on, hoping to get his mind on the baby rather than on Alice. I failed.

"Because you plan on using it?" he exclaimed, his smile disappearing and anger resurging.

"Why not? He's the best and I was going to get pictures of the baby in a few months anyway."

"It's a gift from a bloodsucker, Bella! You can't accept a gift from them! It's like telling them that it's okay for them to keep coming or even to come to visit!" I could tell that he was trying not to shout but he wasn't very successful. I had trouble doing the same. What difference did it made if the gift came from a vampire or not? It was very thoughtful.

"Oh, come one. Stop being paranoid. Of course not, they're not going to break their promise like this. They understood what we wanted. Alice simply wanted to be nice. I'm sure there's no hidden purpose behind it."

"How can you be so certain of it? You don't know them anymore! You're more than willing to accept their gift, though. And it doesn't matter if every time I'll look at the pictures I'll think of them. That's nice. Thanks." There was a pause as he looked at me and it hurt to see that he seemed angry at me as well. It was usually the other way around. Jacob was rarely mad at me. He said it had to do with imprinting or whatever. Right now, it didn't apply. Before I had time to still my boiling mind to process what he had said, he was already starting to tear the gift card in two.

"Anyway, we're not using this, that's all." This made me angry, too. He didn't have the right to make the decision by himself and to not listen to what I wanted. I reacted fast and snatched the card from his fingers.

"Excuse me? And what about what _I_ want? The gift was addressed to me!"

"Sure, go ahead. Do whatever the hell you want since you don't care about how I feel."

"That's not what I meant, Jake. You know that." I hadn't meant to start a fight. I didn't want to fight today. Especially not over the Cullens. Jacob looked really hurt and it was apparently my fault. I didn't want this.

"Look. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I need to clear my head. I'll be at your father's to watch the game."

"But, no, Jake. Please, stay…" It was useless. He had already gotten his jacket and his keys. The front door slammed on him before I even finished my sentence. Ugh. Perfect. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath to calm down.

In the sudden silence which filled the house, it was easier to organize my thoughts and as I replayed the fight in my mind, it all became obvious. I was an idiot. I hit my forehead against the wall a few times to punish myself from not having seen Jacob's point earlier. _Every time I'll look at the pictures I'll think about them._ He hated the Cullens, something that I witnessed last month. He hated them more than what I imagined. I resented them for what they did to me. Jacob was always reminded of the fact that they still existed somewhere. Worse, he couldn't do anything to avenge the hurt they caused me. While our reunion may have cleared some things up, it didn't mean that he would stop despising them.

I should have realized from the start that the gift was ill-fitted for him. It was going to be an eternal reminder of the Cullens and I couldn't blame him for not wanting to use it. I was stupid. If I'd seen this on time, we wouldn't even have had to fight. I should have seen it. Jacob was my husband and I was supposed to be able to understand his motives and his reluctances. Especially when it was about vampires. Alice's gift was great but my decision was made. Jacob wasn't comfortable with it so I wouldn't use it. Jacob was more important to me than hurting Alice's feelings. She didn't even have to know that we wouldn't take advantage of the gift card. We would find our own photographer who would take wonderful pictures.

"Is everything okay, Bella?" my mother asked as I heard Jacob's motorcycle leave the driveway. I didn't like that we had to spend several hours apart from each other before being able to finish our conversation, before I could apologize. He needed some fresh air yet, it wasn't a solution to leave the house altogether. I would have preferred if he could have stayed around even if I had needed the quiet which followed his exit to realize what the best thing to do was.

I turned my back on the front door because staring at it wasn't going to make Jacob come back anyway. Renée was looking at me with apprehension. She had obviously overheard some bits of our argument and knew that something wasn't quite right. I smiled at her the best that I could. I couldn't even explain what the problem was without lying to her.

"Yes. Just a little disagreement about something. It'll be all right."

"Are you sure? Jacob looked very angry."

"He has a short temper. Trust me. And it's all my fault, actually. I feel like a complete idiot."

"Oh, no. Don't say that." She hurried to my side to give me a big hug. "You're not an idiot. It's normal to fight sometimes. Do you want to go after him?" I loved my mother. I really did. She was like the female best friend that I didn't have. Seth wasn't the same since he was guy and we didn't even talk a lot these days. We were both too busy so it was hard to make time like we used to.

"Thanks, Mom, but we're going to be late for the shower if we start going to Forks. I'll be fine."

She didn't look convinced at all. She didn't add anything, though. She just gave me a big kiss on the cheek before going to the living room to get her coat. I took the opportunity to text Jacob while I was alone to tell him that I was sorry and that we needed to talk later tonight. I would have actually loved to go see him at once but Renée had invested too much of her time in this afternoon. I would have felt guilty if it was ruined because of me.

I didn't drive to the Community Center since the doctor said that I should avoid it. When you looked at it, there weren't a lot of things that I was allowed to do these days. It was only for one month and I was used to Jacob always driving when we went somewhere. The only difference was that my driver was my mother today.

It wasn't raining, which was rather surprising for early March. It was a good surprise. The Community Center wasn't extremely big and it could quickly become suffocating inside. I would be able to go get some fresh air if it was needed. It was nice of Emily to have cleared her schedule and to offer the place for the shower. True to herself, Renée had invited everyone she could think of. The list was too long for me to cram all these people in my house. At least here, we wouldn't feel like we were walking on each other's feet.

I got a text from Jacob as we parked next to the building. It lit up my face to see his little happy smiley next to "Yup. Have fun. ILY." I was going to have fun. It was exciting to have all my friends gathering for me and the baby. I couldn't wait to see what kind of gifts I was going to get. It was like a birthday party but so much better. A few people had already arrived, including Emily and Kim who were busy putting the final touches to the tremendous amount of balloons which decorated the main room. My mother hurried to their side at once. She was actually more excited than I was. I went to say hi to the girls and to the other guests. It was nice to see the women from my writing class. I'd somewhat dropped out of it because life had been too hectic for me to concentrate on something to write and read. But I missed it, I missed the girls, and I missed their gossip.

After a while, people really started to pour in and the party was starting. It wasn't anything official. Someone just started to get plastic glasses and to hand them over to everyone who wanted one. I was glad to see everyone even if I felt a bit overwhelmed. Everyone was fussing over me. Clearly, they hadn't gotten the message that I wasn't a big fan of outsiders touching my stomach. It may have been the center of interest, it wasn't a reason to constantly want to feel the baby move. It was annoying. They meant well but I couldn't bring myself to accept their touches. I kept my bandaged hand on top of my belly, which turned out at a great protection. It gave them a distraction from the baby and they all wanted to know what had happened to me this time. I could have been rid of the bandages a few days ago if I'd wanted to except that I had anticipated today. It was uncomfortable, but at least, people were leaving my stomach in peace.

Other than this, I had to admit that my mother did an outstanding job. Everything was perfect. The children were going to give us all a headache yet, it was worth it. Emily had left little Leah home with her grandmother but the three others were running all over the place. Kim soon secured her son to her hip after he tried to follow his sister and ran head first into a wall. Tears ensued to which his mother reminded him that he was too young to keep up with the two oldest. A bottle of milk later, Mark's eyes had dried and they were quickly starting to show how tired he was. I wasn't tired but I needed a bit of quiet for a while. I'd seen Angela sneak outside a little while earlier so I decided to join her.

It turned out that she wasn't by herself but with Beth, both of them smoking. I wouldn't have believed that Angela would smoke yet, I used to do the same, too, and there were days when I would have happily gave in to my craving by lighting up a cigarette.

"Bella! Oh, sorry. Let me get rid of this!" Beth exclaimed, as they dropped their stubs to the ground before she moved her hands in the air to dissipate the smoke. "We wouldn't want to get this poor baby sick now, would we?"

"Are you abandoning your guests? Didn't they give you good presents?"

"No, I just needed some fresh air. It's suffocating in there," I said, sinking down on the iron bench on the side of the building. "What are you two doing here?"

"Well, Embry dropped me off like five minutes ago. You know about my fucked up habit of always being late? Yeah, Embry's the same. And I ran into this lovely lady who told me she's your brother's girlfriend so we were actually just meeting. It's good to know I'll have a friend to hang out with here." She gave me a pointed look, crossing her arms across her chest as if I'd done something I shouldn't have.

"Hey, I'm here!"

"Yeah, but you're obviously not going to be very available soon with the kid and all. Same goes for Emily and…what's her name again? Kim! I spent one afternoon at Emily's house because Embry wasn't there and he didn't want me to be by myself." She rolled her eyes at this. "She's nice and all but dammit! I had such a headache when I left. That child never gets tired. I'm glad there's at least one child-free girl around here." She bumped into Angela's shoulder and they both grinned.

It hadn't occurred to me before that there might be two types of wolf girls now. It probably was because we had only been three for a long time. Rachel and Paul left for Seattle when I was still in college. Claire was really only a kid and she couldn't hang out with us as we were all adults. But it made me happy that Beth seemed to like Angela even if they hadn't known each other for more than a few minutes.

Beth had moved in with Quil and Embry last week. She had tried hard to understand what had gone wrong with Tom, but after a while, it became clear that it would never be the same as before now that she no longer trusted him. She had a difficult time letting go of him. They had been together for so long and she was so used to the way things used to be that when he moved out, she kind of freaked out. She couldn't stand to be alone in their apartment. She couldn't even stand to go to work since they worked for the same newspaper. Apparently, he had been sleeping with one of their colleagues, which made the atmosphere in the office thick.

It surprised us all when she called one night to announce that she had quit her job. She couldn't concentrate anymore anyway. She needed some time off. She needed a change of scenery, as well. A few days after we got back from out little "vacation", Embry came barging into the house, looking like he had had too many ice creams and was hyper. It seemed that Beth was letting her guard down about the imprint. She was in need of someone she could trust entirely, someone who would never let her down. It was hard to think of my cousin as someone who was insecure but right now, it was the case. She may not show it but she had been badly betrayed. It wouldn't go away with one snap of her fingers. Embry was the guy she needed.

Then came the problem of where she would stay. She asked to come up here yet, available apartments weren't easily found in La Push. It was decided that she would stay with the boys until we managed to find her something acceptable. She didn't object to living with them. It would be good for Quil and Embry to have a woman with them. Their apartment was so messy it was a lost cause. And indeed, when I came to help Beth settle in, I had never seen the place so neat. There weren't clothes everywhere, the kitchen was immaculate and so was the bathroom, and there weren't empty pizza boxes and bottles of beer on the floor. I was amazed. There were only two bedrooms, though, and even if Quil had agreed to the female intrusion, he wasn't going to give up his bed. Embry happily complied and ended up sleeping on the couch.

I had to admit that I was curious to see where this cohabitation would lead. Beth and Embry were bound to see each other every day and who knew what it would do to their feelings? Beth had been holding up the imprint because she had a boyfriend. It wasn't the case anymore. I just hoped that Embry wasn't going to screw up again.

"But you can always visit even if I have a baby. You'd better, actually, or I may go insane. You know how they say you can't leave a mother alone right after the birth."

"Oh, I'll come to visit," Angela said, sitting down next to me and stretching her long legs. "Babies are cute." Beth made a gagging noise to which I replied with a stern look. My baby was definitely going to be cute.

"Hush. We'll see what you'll say when you'll get one of your own."

"Yeah. It's not gonna happen anytime soon. Trust me. I'm over boys at the moment."

"Hey, girls!" a familiar voice interrupted our conversation before Angela could ask for more information. I didn't know how Beth would react if she had to talk about her recent break up with someone she only just met. We may all belong to the same small imprint club, it didn't mean you had to reveal your life to people you barely knew.

"Sorry we're late. This little lady couldn't find her present in the mess that her bedroom is," Quil added as Claire was trying to hide behind him. Even though she was ten, she was still extremely shy. She never talked to people she didn't know, no matter how many times you would tell her that they were friends and not bad guys. In fact, she didn't talk to me a lot, either. She stuck with Emily or with Quil. She was always with Quil. He was like a big, overprotective brother to her. It was adorable to watch and I refused to think that their relationship could change one day, even though I knew it was inevitable.

"Hi, Bella," she whispered timidly, taking a step forward to hand me a square package. She hovered nearby, looking from Angela to Beth, not sure of what she was supposed to do now.

"Thanks, Claire. This is my good friend, Angela. She's Seth's friend, too. And that's my cousin Beth. She's Embry's friend. They're really cool girls."

"Yep. And you'll be seeing them a lot, C. So you can say hi." I knew Quil didn't like it when he had to push her to go to people but he had to do it. It hurt to see that she had trouble making friends. Hopefully, it would change in the future. Claire said a small "hello" to the girls before retreating back to grab Quil's hand.

"Why don't you go inside?" I tried to help. "Your Aunt Emily has made her famous chocolate cake. I'm sure you want a piece of it." She smiled and it was the sign that we had won.

"Thanks for inviting her, Bella. She needs to hang out around here more often. Okay, well. I guess I'm going now. Have fun!" He ruffled the little girl's hair. She had been tugging on his hand to get him to go inside with her but she stopped dead and turned around when she heard that he was leaving.

"You're going?" Her bottom lip was quivering as she spoke and her eyes were filling with tears. "Don't go!" Quil sighed heavily and knelt to somehow be at her level.

"We've been over this in the car, Claire. I can't stay here. It's a girl party. Boys are not allowed."

"But I don't want you to leave!"

"Listen. You're a big girl, aren't you? You can stay here by yourself and have fun without me, cupcake. I swear it's gonna be fun. Right, Bella?"

"Of course it's going to be great fun. We have cake and Coke, and there's Mark. Kim always says that you love taking care of Mark."

"That's true," she said under her breath while trying not to choke on her tears. Quil brushed a tear away from her cheek. It was hard for him to see her cry. I would have agreed to him staying with us. It wasn't a big deal. It seemed that he had made up his mind, though. Claire wasn't going to win this time even if it hurt him to deny her what she wanted. "Mark likes it when I sing."

"There you go. You can go inside and take care of Mark, and after the party's over you know I'll back to get you, don't you? We'll get to hang out just the two of us. We'll go eat some tacos before I have to drive you back to your mother. How does it sound?"

"Okay." She sniffed, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. Quil leaned over to engulf her in a big hug. She was so small next to him that his arms basically covered her entire back. He mouthed a "thank you" at me. "Can you come with me inside, please? I don't want to go by myself."

"Sure thing but you know that I'm not staying at all. Are we clear?" She nodded and he stood up, grabbing her hand to lead her inside the building. Beth and Angela had been silent throughout the whole exchange. The second Quil was out of sight, they both turned in me, obviously expecting some answers to what they had just witnessed.

"I didn't know Quil had a daughter! Isn't he a bit too young to have a daughter this old?"

"I've been living with him for a week! I'm sure I'd know it if he was a dad," Beth added, frowning. I wasn't really comfortable that I was the one who had to break the news to them although it should have occurred to me that they may see Quil and Claire together today.

"That's the thing. Claire isn't Quil's daughter," I started. "She's Emily's niece. She lives up North on the Makah reservation but…well…We didn't want to tell you yet so you wouldn't freak out but he actually imprinted on her when she…"

"He what?" both girls exclaimed at the same time, shocked.

"He imprinted on a _kid_? That's just sick." Beth was shocked and disgusted, too. I thought it was better to not mention that Claire had only been two when Quil first saw her. It wouldn't make the situation any easier.

"He didn't want you to know until you knew more about the pack and the legends since you're both very new to this. You have to understand that it isn't the same as it would be for Seth or Jacob or for the other guys. You saw how he acted around her. He's simply a big brother to her. He's the best brother she could ask for."

"It's still sick. This imprinting stuff is weird and if it can make grown-ups claim children as their soul mates, it's even stranger than I thought. I can't believe I'm involved in this crazy business." Beth shook her head, not pleased with the news.

"It is weird. We never said it wasn't. Claire's happy. It's what matters. Aren't you happy that you have someone like Embry who you can trust entirely?"

"I guess so. Embry's pretty cool when you look at it and he makes me smile." She shrugged, taking a few steps backwards to light up another cigarette. She was being careful that the smoke wouldn't come in my direction.

"Are you okay, Angela?" I asked, realizing that she hadn't spoken since her first surprised interruption.

"I thought I'd heard the weirdest thing ever when Seth told me what he really was and what was going on. This is weird, too. She's so little and she already has someone to spend her life with? Won't she get a choice?"

"Claire doesn't know about the imprint. She thinks Quil's her godfather. And of course she'll have a choice but I doubt she'll choose someone else. He's perfect for her."

"Because fate decided for her? I never believed in soul mates before. At least it'll save her lots of trouble when she knows the truth. No need to date dozens of men to find the right one." Angela smiled at me and I had to agree with her.

I was relieved that Seth had finally decided to let Angela in the secret. It wasn't exactly what I'd call a great Valentine's Day present but it was out of their way now. True to form, she just laughed it off once he began to explain that the Quileute legends were real. It was hard to explain to someone that you could morph into a giant wolf without showing it to them. Explaining imprinting could have been harder yet Angela had apparently listened patiently. Seth was right when he said that although he had only felt the urgent need to be close to her all the time at the beginning, he started to feel love after a while. He had no problem confessing that he was in love with her and that he would stay with her as long as she'd want him to.

According to Seth, she'd been more than pleased to hear this. It seemed that her past relationships had been complete failures and she was more than happy to have a reliable boyfriend. I pointedly refused to listen to what happened later that night. However, I remember getting a phone call from Angela a couple of days after. She literally screeched in my ear, wanting to know why I hadn't told her from the start since I obviously knew. She needed someone else to confirm that it was real and that yes, the part about changing into wolves was true, too. And she thought it was super cool. She had been introduced to the Tribal Council and to the pack. She was thrilled about it and I was happy to have a friend who wasn't from the reservation to whom I could talk freely.

"Your mom's looking for you, Bella," Quil announced when he stepped out of the Community Center. He looked tired all of a sudden. It must be consuming to refuse to bend to the will of your imprint. He was doing it for her own good, though. He was doing the right thing. "I'll see you later!" He jogged back to his car. I assumed that I had to go back to my guests. The fresh air had made me ready to face the endless chatter once again.

They hadn't really realized that we were missing until it was time for me to sit down and exclaim how wonderful their presents were. I didn't have the time to grab a drink before I was firmly sat down on a couch with my mother on one side and Shannon on the other. She kept asking if Jacob was going to show up. You would have thought that with time passing, she would have found another man to like more than the others. You would be wrong. She was disappointed when I told her that she wasn't likely to see him today but she redirected her attention to the packages on the table and insisted on helping.

I knew I would be getting baby stuff but I hadn't expected to get so much. I always gave people baby clothes whenever I was invited to a baby shower, which wasn't often. They were all aware that we didn't know whether it was a boy or a girl so, instead, I got several gift cards which would allow me to choose the clothes I wanted later. I did get some very cute onsies. Emily remembered one of our earliest conversations because, along with her baby towels and washcloths, she gave me a very nice stuffed kangaroo, which made me smile. My colleagues from the high school gave me a baby first aid kit and a baby care book. I hoped I would never have to use those but it was true that I felt safer having them. I didn't want to be totally hopeless if something bad was to happen.

It almost made me cry when they handed me a present which was actually from my students. I didn't think they would get me anything and I laughed as I saw the yellow raincoat in the box. This would definitely come in handy. I also got a very good cookbook with recipes for small children and so many diapers that I would last for a couple of months at least. I was really happy to have all these girls around me who cared enough to get the baby everything he needed. I hadn't opened half of the presents and if they kept being this wonderful, Jacob and I weren't going to have anything left to buy.

"Here, open this one now!" Beth exclaimed, slapping my hand away from a smaller box to put a big one on my lap. She looked excited. Her smile told me that something wasn't quite right.

"What is it?"

"It's for the woman in you. Not the mother, the woman." She kept grinning at me, which was suspicious. I shook the box but no sound was heard. It wasn't heavy at all, either. It reminded me of Jacob's Christmas present. Coming from Beth, I doubted that it would be as safe as a plain dress. I lifted the lid carefully to be assaulted by many pink papers which were hiding the sexiest piece of lingerie I might have ever possessed. I wasn't a big fan of baby dolls especially since Jacob had a hard time leaving them in one piece and they were too damn expensive to go buy another one every time he ripped one in two. I held the red garment in front of me to examine it, blushing as the girls around me were laughing and clapping at my present. It was actually gorgeous. I couldn't see myself in it at the moment but in a few months, why not?

"What is it, Aunt Bella? A dress?" Shannon asked. It was rather short to be a dress.

"It's more like pajamas." It wasn't a lie in itself. You did have to wear it in bed. You didn't necessarily intend to sleep in it. Shannon didn't need to know this.

"Some really cute pajamas," a deep and warm male voice commented. I jumped slightly in surprise and turned my head to see where Jacob was. He was standing at the door, keys in hand, a grin as big as Beth's on his face. I blushed even more. I didn't know why he was here but he liked the gift. I didn't have the time to say one word that Shannon was already on her feet, slaloming between people to get to him.

"Uncle Jakey!" she exclaimed, jumping in his arms that he had opened almost immediately for her. It had become a reflex. I heard a few girls saying that it was adorable to see how he acted around the little girl. Kim just shook her head, embarrassed that her daughter had redirected all the attention on her instead of me. I was simply wondering what would happen when Jacob would be entirely focused on the baby and won't have as much time to dedicate to Shannon.

"Hey, Shannon! What's up?"

"You remember it's my birthday soon, right?"

"Of course I remember. How old are you going to be? Three, four?" She shook her head dramatically.

"No, silly! Five!" She held up her fingers right on his face to show him her age.

"Wow! Five? You're a big girl!"

"Yup. So you can marry me now!" Jacob looked surprised for a second before he laughed loudly, following suit of everyone else in the room. I kept hearing words about how wonderful he seemed to be with kids. I was proud of my husband. He was going to be the best dad ever.

"I could…but what about Aunt Bella, then?" The little girl paused to think about it, her eyebrows coming together as she frowned in concentration.

"You can keep her," she finally said. "She makes good food." Everybody burst out in laughter at this. Shannon was too cute and she seemed pretty pleased with her brilliant plan.

"That she does. I'll think about it," Jacob promised, smiling at me over her head. He kissed her soundly on the cheek and bent down so she could go back to her mother who had been asking her to leave her uncle in peace. Shannon didn't object, certainly because she had gotten what she wanted. "I'm sorry to interrupt the party and I promise it's not for long. Can I just get some tools from the craft room, Em?"

"Sure, go ahead. I want them back by Monday."

"I will. Oh and…could I talk to you, too?" he asked, looking at me. It was rude to leave my guests when they were all waiting for me to finish opening their presents. I wanted to go with Jacob because it meant that whatever he wanted to talk about, I would take it as an opportunity to apologize. I was about to say no to him anyway but my mother cut me off, stating that it was fine and that it would give her a chance to clean a bit of the mess made by the wrapping paper. She had understood what was going on in my head perfectly. I stood up from the couch to follow Jacob into another room.

"So…you're a bigamist now?" I inquired as soon as the door closed on the chatter. He laughed.

"She was too cute. I couldn't say no to her. You're not jealous, are you?"

"I don't know. I don't really want to share you…" He laughed again. I couldn't help but notice that he didn't seem angry anymore, which was good. "What are you doing here, Jake?"

"I'm fixing something with your father and he was missing a tool that I knew they had here. Besides, I wanted to see you. I felt like an idiot, leaving the house like I did," he admitted, rubbing the back of his head and looking embarrassed. I closed the distance between us to grab his hand. Hugs were a little difficult for us these days.

"I'm the one who feels like an idiot. I didn't understand why you didn't want to use the gift card. I do now and I'm sorry I didn't realize right away that it would make you uncomfortable."

"Yeah. It definitely wouldn't make me happy but I mean, it's yours. If you want to use it, I can't forbid it." I loved him so much. It mustn't have been easy for him to offer this to me. I'd made up my mind, though, and I wasn't going to change my decision now that I knew how he really felt about it. It'd make me sick to look at the pictures if I was aware that he hated who they came from and I'd ignored it. I was better than this.

"No, I don't want it. We'll find our own photographer. I don't want you to be constantly reminded of the Cullens. You're the one who was right all along." He sighed with relief and smiled a sweet smile, the one that generally announced that I was going to be kissed. He didn't disappoint. Within seconds, his lips were on mine, sealing some kind of deal but also reminding me of how great it was to be kissed by Jacob, to have his tongue sneak up slowly in my mouth and to forget everything except the fact that I would be the only woman he would ever kiss like this.

"Thanks, Bells," he whispered against my lips. He pulled away to look at me from head to toe as if he'd never seen me before. "I didn't even tell you how good you looked. You're absolutely gorgeous, honey. Who would have guessed that pink suited you so well?"

"Oh, no. It's not pink. It's raspberry. It's completely different," I corrected him, using Renée's words from a few hours ago. He noticed my face, which made him laugh again. He put both hands on my waist to get me as close to him as possible. His lips grazed my ear and I shivered.

"You still look amazing but I think you'll look even sexier in this gift you just got…" His hands moved from my hips to my butt as he kissed from below my ear down to my shoulder. He stopped at the crook of my neck to gently suck on the skin there. "I can't wait to see you in it. I bet you'll look extra hot…" Was it me or was it becoming hotter in here? Jacob squeezed my butt before one of his hands moved upward until it was tangled in my hair. He tugged on it to get me to look up and his lips recaptured mine.

"Jake…there are people right outside this door…" I didn't try very hard to make him stop. He knew exactly what to do to get me to moan and forget that we weren't alone in the building. My hand grasped his arm for support and after what seemed like an eternity, our mouths eventually detached from each other so we could breathe.

"Sorry. I got distracted by the mental image." He rested his forehead against mine, his hot breath washing over my face. He smelled like beer. We didn't talk for a few minutes, both of us attempting to slow our heartbeats. I tried to tame my hair so that what had been going on in private didn't seem obvious to everybody else. Jacob had the gift of making me look like I'd had sex even if we had only shared a kiss.

"I gotta say, I really like your mom, Bells. But I can't wait for her to be gone. It sucks to know that she can hear everything at night." This was true. Even if having sex was totally not an option for me anymore, it didn't mean that we had to stop touching each other. Jacob often needed this sort of relief and I was more than willing to help. Nothing like this had happened since Renée had been staying with us. It was mortifying to think that she would be able to figure out what we were doing if we made too much noise. And I wasn't particularly quiet in bed. I couldn't wait to be alone with Jacob again.

"Only a few more days left. After this, it's me and you for one entire month."

"I know." He sighed. "Okay. I should get these tools to Charlie or he's gonna think I had an accident or something." He reluctantly moved away from me to go find whatever it was that he needed. We went back to the guests quickly after this. Jacob could have left without anyone noticing but it was forgetting about Shannon. She insisted on getting another hug from her "fiancé". I walked straight to my previous spot on the couch, checking my face in a mirror on the way. I looked fine except for my cheeks which were a shade pinker than usual.

"You look like you've been kissed really good," Beth whispered not so softly as I sat down. Of course, everyone heard her, which led to more sniggering and more blushing for me. They were simply jealous that I could kiss someone as hot as Jacob and they couldn't.

The rest of the shower passed in a blur. I opened more and more presents, each of them absolutely wonderful. I was lucky. Then, I had to thank everybody, which took some time. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. The ones who already had kids provided me with some advice to reassure me. I made it all the way without crying even if it was hard. They were too nice to me. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was truly prepared to have a baby of my own and that I would know how to take care of him. The part which was about to take place in the delivery room was still scaring me.

Too soon to my liking, the guests were leaving. In the end, I was left with Emily, Kim, and Renée who were busy cleaning the room they had so well decorated. Beth had left with Embry before she had time to offer her help. They were going to have a movie night or something like this. Angela was in the corner which had been improvised as a playground for the children. She had one asleep at her feet while Mark was babbling and Shannon was dressing up her dolls. She didn't lie when she said that she liked kids.

I had offered to help clean since it was a bit because of me that the room was a mess but they didn't want to hear about it. So I was sitting at a table, organizing my newly acquired possessions with Claire. She had seemed to enjoy herself and she had blushed almost as hard as I did sometimes when I told her that I really liked the toys her mother bought for the baby. She was talking to me even though she kept throwing glances at the main door. She clearly expected Quil to show up any time soon.

I felt useless and decided to start putting all the bags in the car. It was something that I could do easily, especially as I had a great assistant. Claire was a great girl and now that I would actually see her more often than when I lived in Port Angeles, I decided to make a point of trying to help her with her shyness. After all, she was likely to be our official babysitter in a few years.

It took the three of them a little more than one hour to make the room immaculate. By the time they were done, Claire was gone, too, and I was getting bored. Finally, it was time for us to leave as well. Sue had gone home earlier to prepare the dinner since we were all eating in Forks. It was going to make for a lot of people in such a small house. I was dreading how Jacob would react to the fact that my whole family was coming together and Billy wasn't there to join us. I knew he would be in everybody's mind tonight. Jacob hadn't mentioned anything about it yet, and I wasn't going to ask if he didn't want to talk about it.

In the car, Renée was thrilled to have some time to talk to Angela. She found it absolutely awesome that we reunited years after high school. It was even greater that she was dating Seth. Small world, huh? What she didn't know was that Angela was bound to someday become my sister-in-law. She would then truly belong to my family. It was exciting.

When we arrived at Charlie's house, he was waiting for us on the porch with Sue, Seth, and Jacob. The four of them were smiling like little kids on Christmas morning. As I turned to my mother I saw that her expression matched theirs. Why did I have the feeling that everybody knew something that I didn't?

"What's going on, guys?" I asked as I greeted my father. He was the worst. If he could have jumped up and down without looking silly, I'm sure he would have done so.

"We have a surprise for you!" Seth chimed in, hurrying me inside. I barely had the time to grab Jacob's hand extended toward me that we were packed in the hallway. This house was definitely too small for seven persons in it at the same time.

"A surprise? What kind of surprise?" I'd had enough gifts today. If they kept giving me stuff I was really going to lose it. Jacob helped me out of my coat as Charlie jogged up the stairs.

"It's upstairs. I gotta carry you," Jacob explained, not caring to wait for my permission. I hadn't been allowed to walk up or down these stairs since Thanksgiving. It was embarrassing to know that he was waiting outside the door when I was in the bathroom. I secured my arms around his neck and he lifted me up ever so gently. I noticed that the others stayed behind since there was no way we would all fit on the second floor. It always amazed me that Jacob could walk up the stairs without difficulty even when he couldn't see his feet. It had been proved before that I didn't share this gift.

"My surprise's in Seth's room? Did he finally clean it up? Can you see the floor?"

"Not funny, Bella!" he shouted and I stuck my tongue out at him, leaning my head over Jacob's shoulder. He put me down as Charlie opened the door.

What I saw wasn't what I expected at all. Everything which was familiar was gone. No more rock band posters on the walls, no socks on the floor, no unmade bed, no police uniforms hanging on the closet door. The walls were spotless except for the few bunny stickers on them. The bed was gone altogether, replaced by a wooden crib I hadn't seen since I was three and was old enough to have a big girl bed. There was also a rocking chair, a changing table, and a large carpet with some toys on the floor. I was speechless.

"What…what…wow." Jacob wrapped his arms around my waist, his lips kissing the top of my head. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

"Sue and I thought that it'd be handy if the baby had its own room here, too."

"Thanks, Dad. This is fabulous. It's just…wow." I fought hard to keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks. This was the best present of the day, hands down. "Did you kick Seth out, then?"

"No," he replied, right behind me. I hadn't heard him come up. He was hesitating and his eyes wouldn't meet mine. "I'm moving in with Angela. That's why the room's free." He what? He made such a big decision without telling me? And he was moving in with her so fast? It shouldn't have been a surprise but something like this wouldn't have happened one year ago, or even six months ago. He would have told me beforehand because we used to tell each other everything. It hurt that he didn't tell me. I pushed the thought away. It was the way things were now. I couldn't change it.

"I didn't tell you because it would have spoiled the surprise." Not necessarily. I wouldn't have jumped to the immediate conclusion that if he was moving out they were going to transform the room into a nursery. _Stop it. Seth's moving in with his girlfriend and you're getting an extraordinary gift. Be happy. _

"It's okay," I lied. "But this is too much, guys. Really. I don't know what to say."

"Hey, your old man's going to want to spend some time with his grandkid. You can't deny him this."

"Thank you, Dad," I said again, extracting myself from Jacob's arms to go hug my father. He seemed surprised but he tapped my back clumsily as I buried my head in his chest. I wasn't going to cry.

"All right. You two can stay here and join us later," Charlie offered. Quickly, I was alone with Jacob, free to explore the new addition to the house. The room looked somehow empty but I could imagine the numerous toys which were going to fill the space. I could also imagine how the crib would be replaced by a bed and how our child would want to come here to stay with his grandparents during the vacations. Our child.

"Happy?" Jacob asked. When I looked up at him, his eyes were sparkling with joy. I leaned against his chest, taking his hand to place it on top of my belly.

"So, so much, Jake." I was blessed with so many people who loved me, who loved us, and who already loved the baby. We were very lucky.

* * *

Awwww. Isn't Bella super lucky? :)

There are links to Bella's shower dress and to her sexy lingerie on my profile page. Go take a look. I personally had a lot of fun "shopping" on the Victoria's Secret website.

I'm the non-canon wolf reviewer on TwiFicReviews. I rec fics once every two weeks. I'll also be rec'ing books once a month. Don't forget to go check it out. We're rec'ing all sorts of fabulous stories. http : / / twificreviewsa-z (.) blogspot (.) com /


	38. Chapter 36

**Oh. My. God.** It took me forever to get this chapter posted. It isn't entirely my fault since I can assure that it's been written since the end of February. I've been having some beta problems that are now hopefully solved. Besides, I think it's a sign. The universe waited until my birthday so I could post the chapter. LoL. Anyway. I wanted to thank **WolfGirlAtHeart** for beta'ing this for me. I haven't scared her away with my writing, which I find pretty impressive.

Disclaimer: I ain't owning anything. If I had written the Twilight series, it wouldn't have ended the way it did.

Enjoy :)

* * *

**Chapter 36 A Ghost From the Past**

_**Bella's PoV**_

_**Saturday 21****st****, March. **_

It was a typical Saturday morning in La Push. It was raining, which wasn't surprising since it was March. Winter had gone away and here, spring was mostly made of rain except for some rare days when the sun would manage to make a shy appearance. Jacob had left for his weekly patrol a couple of hours earlier. He had totally re-thought the pack's schedule now that he was the one in charge. They only had to patrol one time each every week. Sometimes they were alone, sometimes they were in pairs. Jacob always got the Saturday shift, a sort of gift to the others so they would have the weekend off. I didn't mind. It meant that I could sleep in all I wanted without him accidentally waking me up. Besides, they were running significantly fewer patrols these past weeks. I didn't want to be too optimistic, even if I secretly hoped that soon they would realize that vampires weren't coming around anymore and the guys could stop phasing altogether. Jacob would certainly be the last to agree to this. He always wanted to keep the tribe safe no matter what, and he would want to keep doing it even though no vampire had come near the town in months. I was planning on showing him that phasing was dangerous and that it could have an impact on the baby. If it was for the baby, he would certainly reconsider it.

We hadn't had a single discussion about my fear that something could happen to him in ages. I just didn't like to think about it. Fortunately, today, I had other things in my mind. My substitute at school had come over so I could see how my students had been doing. I was having a hard time completely letting go of my job. I knew that she was a good teacher and that she didn't need me watching over her shoulder but I couldn't help it. I'd always thrown myself too much into my work and now, I couldn't imagine my life without it.

"There's this freshman girl who always makes brilliant analyses of the texts. I've never seen someone as enthusiastic as her to participate in my class."

"Emma? I know," I agreed. "She's great. You can be sure that she'll always answer your questions."

"Which is definitely not the case with the others. They just stare at me with wide eyes as if I'm talking to them in another language."

"It's not only you. Have you tried making them read out loud? We did it with _Hamlet_ and they liked it," I suggested. It was difficult to make them interested in anything which was more than a century old. They always looked so lost and that's why I wanted to check with Amanda. I didn't want the students to lose the little spark of interest and curiosity I had ignited in them after tremendous efforts. We watched movies and plays, rewrote the texts, acted them out in class and debated about novels. Thinking back on it, it was no wonder that I was always really tired. It would have been easier if all the kids liked English instead of only the half dozen of them who were excited to study and who had read the books before we even started working on them. It was worth it, though. I found it excellent for me, too, to work on these texts differently. It discovered new things every time.

"I'm going to bring in the Clayton movie about _Gatsby_ and they'll choose one scene to compare with the book." She flipped through her notes, scribbling stuff down with one hand and drinking her coffee at the same time. I knew there was a reason I liked this woman. We thought the same way. You couldn't expect to interest teenagers if you only handed them copies of novels to analyze. I would be the first one to fall asleep from boredom.

"You may want to keep an eye on Gab and Jamie if you do this. They take a dark room as an opportunity to do far more interesting things, in their opinion, than paying attention to the TV screen." She chuckled, writing it on her paper. Teenagers never missed the chance to do inappropriate things whenever they could, especially when they thought that the teachers couldn't see them. I had found out that we actually had a sixth sense to feel when they weren't doing what they should be doing around us.

"Don't let Gab near Jamie. Got it. And for _Huck_…I was thinking about working with a History teacher if I can get one who's willing to help."

"Yes, that's something I would have done, too. Try asking Kevin. He's the best when it comes to the South." It must be hard to come in a new school for only a few months and to never know your colleagues very well. I didn't know how it felt and I was positive that I couldn't be a substitute teacher. They were always changing schools, students, always having to deal with the previous teachers and having to adapt to the classes every time. It took me a couple of months to really adjust to a new environment in Forks and to be comfortable. Amanda wrote the name down, thanking me for the information. It was my goal to help her as much as I could, and to do everything so the students wouldn't fail their finals.

I stretched my arms above my head. After a quick look at the clock, I realized that we had been talking for almost an hour, exchanging ideas and advice on what students were trouble, which ones had difficulties and the ones who just didn't care about the class. The hardest part of our job was trying to make sure that nobody was left out. One hour sitting down without really moving was a long time for me. I needed to move a little bit.

"Do you want some more coffee?" I was already standing up, using the dining room table as support. The sound had awakened the dog, which appeared from behind the couch and happily trailed after me to the kitchen. She always had to follow me everywhere I went. She would camp on the other side of the bathroom door every time I was having a shower. Jacob was annoyed that she couldn't stay calm when I wasn't around. He was simply jealous that she didn't miss him as much as she missed me. He had never liked my dog, but I knew that things were changing. Beta was like a member of our family, and Jacob had accepted this. It was the first step even if I was well aware that he would never admit out loud that having a dog as a pet was something he enjoyed.

"Oh, ouch! Can't you give Mommy a break? Just for a few minutes?" I asked, rubbing away the pain through my shirt. It was useless anyway. My little guy was going to be a pro at soccer, and I was his favorite punching-ball at the moment. He didn't need to kick to make his presence known. I could barely see my feet anymore when I was standing. Surely, my stomach had to stop growing by now, right? I didn't think it was possible for it to get any bigger.

I refilled Amanda's cup with coffee before pouring some milk in mine. I wasn't allowed coffee. With a cup in each hand, I carefully made my way back to the living room.

"Did you have time to go through my notes on _Huck_?"

"Yes, I did. I actually agree with most of the discussion themes you had in mind. It'll spare me some work."

"But you don't have to follow my outline, you know. I mean, you're the teacher now and it's great that you even came today so we could talk." I sipped on my milk, trying not to be too bossy by giving her some liberties. I wasn't the one who had to go up in front of the students now. It was just hard to let go of them.

Beta came to rest her head on my lap, her muzzle touching my belly. She clearly didn't understand what was going on with my body. Jacob had to yell at her all the time a few months ago because she used to jump on me every evening when I came back home. It was something she had always done since she was a puppy, but it was forbidden now. So she would stick next to me whenever I sat down. She was like my guardian.

"Oh, no. Don't worry. I know where I'm going with these books. I like that we can discuss it, that's all. If I were you, I'd want to know that my students wouldn't forget everything they learned because they have a new teacher."

"If it had only been me, I wouldn't have left so early. This little guy had other plans, though." I looked down to my belly as I was rubbing it, and she smiled fondly at me.

"I'm sure you're much better at home resting than at school yelling at kids."

"I guess so. It gets lonely here sometimes, so I'm more than happy to be able to check in with you." I sighed, my mind filled with the afternoons I spent by myself now that Renée had gone back to California. She didn't want to leave yet, but she had a job and she couldn't quit because her daughter was pregnant. Jacob had more and more work to do at the garage, which meant that he wasn't home before 6 or even 7pm.

I mainly occupied my days with sleeping. I slept late in the mornings then busied myself organizing the nursery, dusting it thoroughly. There were only lame TV shows on in the afternoon, and even if I had great ideas floating around for my novel, I couldn't think straight after working on it for more than two hours. It turned out that knitting became my favorite indoor activity. I would also sit on the porch, desperately trying to create a decent scarf or hat and it would entertain Jacob a lot when I showed them to him.

Life was slow for me and it was everything I didn't like. The doctor said that it was risky to drive. I didn't want to risk anything now. I was somehow home-bound and let's admit it, it was boring. I'd read lots of baby books during my dull hours. I knew the theory by heart and I couldn't wait to experience the practical side of things. The past eight months passed by pretty fast, whereas the last week just dragged by. I was relieved when Amanda agreed to come over today.

"They've been asking if you're going to show up for the play next week," she said, dropping her pen and reclining in her chair.

"Of course I'm coming. I wouldn't miss their Shakespearean acting for anything! Tell them that I have high expectations." She laughed again and was about to say something else when Beta raised her head suddenly, barking once before dashing toward the back door. I hadn't realized my body was tensed until I knew for sure that Jacob was back. Even if I couldn't see her, I could picture exactly how the dog looked. She would keep on barking till the moment Jacob would open the door as if she understood that he was home from something dangerous and she was happy he was safe.

"Freaking rain…," Jacob mumbled loud enough for us to hear. "My feet are gonna mess up the floor…Where are those stupid shoes?...Go away, Beta. Where's that damn towel? Bella! You around?" He finally asked. It was a stupid question. Where else would I be in this weather except at home?

"In here." Amanda seemed interested in the intrusion. The first thing she noticed when she came in the house was the wedding picture in the entrance. She had completely agreed with the girls at school, that Jacob was _hot_, no offense intended. None taken, since it was the truth. As long as they all knew he was off limits, they could be jealous of me all they wanted.

"God, your brother's so fuck… freaking annoying. I'm never scheduling another shift with him. All he can think of is Angela, Angela, Angela." It was funny how he grumbled on. His heavy footsteps were coming up the hallway. He better had put his shoes on because there was no way I was cleaning his mess. "I know we were pains in the ass, too, but seriously, he's the worst. You don't even want to know the things that I saw in his… you're not alone." He came to an abrupt stop before I could tell him that I had company, which meant that he couldn't talk freely. He had almost said something which would have been likely to attract our visitor's curiosity. It wasn't every day that you came across someone stating that they saw things in somebody else's mind.

"This is Amanda. She's my substitute at work." I introduced her, mouthing a sorry to Jacob as she turned around to greet him. He regained his composure quickly. No harm had been done. It was my fault anyway. I should have hinted that I wasn't by myself. I couldn't predict that he would start talking about Seth's fantasies after all.

"So you're the woman who made it possible for _my_ woman to finally get some rest. Thank you very much. I'm Jacob." They shook hands as he surveyed all the papers spread on the table. I didn't tell him about this meeting for a reason. He frowned. "What are you doing?"

"Just exchanging ideas about English classes. Nothing big. I think we were almost done actually."

"Yes, I should probably get going," Amanda added, gathering all her files. "It was nice to talk to you, Bella. I guess I'll see you next week then."

"I thought you were supposed to rest," Jacob scolded me once she was out the door. He helped me to my feet before throwing the wet towel over his shoulder so his hands could rest on my hips.

"I know, but I wanted to be sure that the kids weren't lost and that it wasn't the apocalypse now that I've left."

"Bella, Bella, Bella. Forks High won't crumble down because you went on your maternity leave." He smirked, kissing my pout away after that. He worked his way from my waist up to my neck to unlock my silver necklace and get his wedding ring back. It wasn't like he could wear it while phasing. Wolves didn't wear rings. I guarded it when he patrolled.

"It's hard to be stuck here doing nothing, that's all. At least I got to spend a couple of hours with another human being."

"I don't like knowing that you're by yourself either. Maybe I could ask for fewer hours at work…" Oh certainly not. He didn't have to sacrifice his job for me, especially as he already intended to do so after the birth.

"No, Jake. You keep working and bringing money for me to buy stuff so I can cook and bake until I drop." I smiled up at him, sure that he wouldn't object to that. I was glad that I was a good cook. When I was tired of knitting, I always ended up in the kitchen, trying every recipe I could think of. Jacob was delighted by all the food he came home to.

"Speaking of food…" As if on cue, his stomach grumbled loudly. I had to laugh. He was so hungry after phasing that I'd gotten used to it by now. All he wanted to eat was meat, meat, meat, and more meat. I tried to throw in some vegetables mainly for my sake, but also because it wasn't good for him to not get balanced meals.

"I didn't have time to make anything, but there are some lasagnas from last night and you haven't finished the brownies yet. You can cook a steak, too, if you want. Yeah, you do that and I'll make us some salad."

"That's just awesome! I'm starving! Hey …wait here…" I had untangled myself from his arms to make my way to the kitchen. He caught my hand when it brushed his side before tucking me back against his chest. His hands slid under my shirt to rest on my belly. He breathed in my hair, saying nothing. He just hugged me for a few minutes in complete silence. He eventually broke away after bending down to kiss my cheek.

"Are you okay, Jake?" I couldn't help but worry when he acted strange after phasing. It wasn't likely to change anytime soon.

"Yeah… I just needed to hold you close for a sec. But I'm still hungry." He winked at me, striding toward to fridge to get the leftovers. I swear I saw a hint of sadness in his eyes. It was gone as fast as it arrived, though. We wouldn't talk about Billy today, then. Anything that made Jacob feel better was fine with me. I sat down with the ingredients to make my salad, ready to hear him complain some more about Seth being head over heels about Angela.

...

Jacob was sprawled on the bed, taking up as much space as he could. At some point during his nap he had flopped over on his stomach, one of his legs dangling off the bed. His right arm was thrown across my chest so his hand rested on my belly, which made it impossible for me to move. He would know I was gone the moment I would even try to leave my spot, but I didn't mind being here. The room was dark, and it was peaceful and quiet, except for Jacob's occasional snoring. The noises he was making were too cute.

One of the side effects of phasing was that it left him completely drained. He would eat heaps of food but it wasn't enough. I used to tease him for being a big baby because he needed to take a nap after his patrols. Now that I liked napping, I enjoyed being able to join him in the bed even if we only slept. What amazed me the most was that I would wake up before him, no matter how long I slept. I guess that I'd never really fully understand how demanding phasing could be. The positive side was that when he was so exhausted he didn't have trouble falling asleep. He didn't have nightmares either.

I shifted just a little bit to sit up more properly. I didn't want to leave Jacob but it could get boring if all I could do was stare at the wall. Jacob groaned, his arm falling to my thighs, which he hugged before turning his head toward me. He hadn't woken up but he was much closer to my body. So much closer that his nose brushed against my hip. His face looked more relaxed than usual and I was hoping that all his sleeping time could be like this. It was nice to see him enjoying his rest for once. I grabbed the book from the bedside table, turning on the lamp as well.

I'd read almost three entire chapters when Jacob started to stir next to me. He didn't open his eyes, though. His hand moved back up to my stomach, staying there to run random patterns over it. Then I felt his lips kiss my side.

"Hi to you, too, baby." He kissed me there another time before looking up at me, his eyes opening and a lazy smile spreading on his face. He'd really needed the rest. I could tell because his eyes were still blurry and unfocused, which only happened when he had a good night. I smiled down at him, closing my book. My own hand went to brush away the locks of his hair that were falling over his face. He looked like a small boy.

"She kicked me in the face," he complained as he straightened up to be at my level. I couldn't help but smile wider at his pout.

"I'm sure he didn't mean it. Or maybe it's his way to tell you to stop calling him a girl."

"Hahaha. You're know you're gonna lose this one, right? This baby is so a girl. And I'll prove it to you in a little more than three weeks."

"We'll see about that." Jacob stuck his tongue out at me. I couldn't wait for me to be able to say "I told you so" when they would hand me our baby boy. But it was always fun to have these so-called arguments about the baby's sex.

"Boy or girl, I just wish it'd hurry up. Have you seen my feet? It's so painful to walk for more than five minutes." I wriggled my bare feet at him. My ankles were big and as swollen as ever. I knew I had to be off my feet as much as possible yet, sitting quietly for hours wasn't something I was very good at. Jacob brushed his lips against mine softly before moving around so he was sitting cross-legged at the end of the bed. He grabbed one foot to start massaging it slowly. This was the highlight of my day. Massages from Jacob were like heaven. His hands were blazing hot and he was quite talented with his fingers. He would usually do it at night before settling to go to bed but I was okay whenever he felt like helping me with the pain, either in my ankles or in my back. As long as his hands were on me, I was sure that I would fall asleep soon after.

I leaned my head against the headboard, closed my eyes, and enjoyed.

"I'm going to owe you a lot of massages in the future," I said after a while. My ankles were already less achy, but it wouldn't stay this way a long time. The heat provided by Jacob's skin was easing the pain yet he couldn't hold my feet forever. If I could, I wouldn't even leave this bed at all.

"Nice. Oh, Bells. I've been thinking."

"Dangerous." The word escaped my mouth because it was too tempting. I felt myself smile at the stupid teasing. I regretted it when Jacob grumbled and my skin went cold. He'd stopped touching me. My eyes flew open to see that his arms were crossed over his chest. He was also trying to pout to show me that I'd hurt his feelings. "I didn't mean it! I'm sorry. Don't stop." He didn't listen to me. Instead, he crawled back up, lying again so his face was next to my belly. He was making a point of ignoring me.

"Mommy is being mean to Daddy, you know." He started complaining to the baby, his fingers playing with the hem of my shirt until he pushed it out of the way to reveal my bare skin. "I think she doesn't want you to get new things for your room… I _know_… What? We should go only the two of us? That's not a bad idea, actually." He was cute. He would hate it if he knew that I thought that of him. Babies were cute, pets maybe, but certainly not Jacob. He wouldn't agree with the definition. He'd probably go with something like "super hot". It didn't change the fact that right now, Jacob was adorable. I couldn't stop smiling while listening to his "conversation" with my stomach.

"We could go tomorrow afternoon. We'll leave Mommy at home and we'll go shopping. How does that sound?"

"Good, Jake. Yes, we can go to Port Angeles tomorrow." He kissed the skin near my belly button and I took it as a sign that he had acknowledged my words. But he carried on anyway. Jacob like talking to the baby, stating that he had to be accustomed to his voice already even if he wasn't even born yet.

"Yeah, she's got to come with us, unfortunately. Don't worry. We'll do a lot of stuff when you'll be around… Like what? Well, I'll show you how to fix a car. It's important to know how to do this. Especially if you're a girl. You don't want to be stranded on the side of the road by yourself. You can't really ask your mom for help there. She doesn't recognize a wrench from a screwdriver."

"Not true! I take offense to that!" Jacob looked up at me and winked. I may be quite useless in a garage, but at least I knew the difference between the two tools. Please.

"So… I'll teach her how to fix a car and you'll teach her how to be an amazing cook. If we switch roles, it'll just be a disaster. And also, I'll show you how to throw a good punch, baby. It's important if people don't mean well and you have to protect yourself. You can't ask your mom for this either. The last I recall, she sprained her wrist closing a window. I'm afraid that punching something will end with her arm in a cast."

"Stop making fun of me, Jake!" Although, he was probably right, but I wasn't going to admit it.

"Payback, honey, payback." He grinned. "And I'll tell you our legends all the time because they're important to me. I want you to know where you come from, where the tribe you belong to comes from. I want you to be proud of it. I'll talk to you in Quileute and then, you'll get such good grades that your Uncle Quil will say that you're his best student ever." I agreed with Jacob that this kid was going to have a prominent place in La Push due to his family. He had to know his history, his heritage. What he didn't need to know was that his father could morph into a giant wolf. He didn't have to be burdened with a big secret like this one, and hopefully, he'd never have to be told because he would never phase anyway.

My hand moved from the comforter to Jacob's shoulder until it was brushing his hair. He liked it when I played with his hair. He kept talking to my stomach but he was leaning more and more against my fingers. It was nice to have some time off, just the two of us, basically doing nothing. It was a luxury that we soon wouldn't be able to afford anymore.

"Maybe I'll get better at Quileute myself if I hear you speak it at home." I couldn't understand why it wasn't possible for my brain to learn the tribe's language. According to one of the teachers at school, either you were gifted for foreign languages or you weren't. It took some special abilities to be bilingual. When I thought about it, my Spanish grades had always been average in high school. It still upset me that I couldn't understand the guys when they talked in their native language.

"Who knows? But it may not be the case. I think it'll be easier for the baby if she heard both languages from the start. That's what my parents did for me and the twins. It made it less difficult at school. Quileute can be a pain in the ass sometimes."

"Jake, language!" I reminded him, slapping his shoulder lightly. He had to watch his mouth now. I didn't mind him talking in Quileute. What bothered me was the swearing. I'd have to remember to ask him not to teach our child any Quileute swear words later on. It was embarrassing enough that the guys made fun of tourists any time they got the chance to. I didn't need my son to follow their example. Jacob bit his lip before sitting upright so we were finally at eye level.

"Sorry. I'm trying but they keep escaping. We should have had a non-swearing rule way earlier than last week."

"I'm sure you'll get better at it once the baby's here."

"Yeah, I hope so… wow. I can't believe she's really going to join us." The baby kicked against his warm hand, making his presence known, as if he had realized that we were talking about him. "I can't wait." Jacob smiled, his face moving toward mine until his lips were brushing mine. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For carrying my baby, that's all." He kissed me as I grabbed his arm for support. He was only wearing a tee-shirt and I could feel the muscles under my grasp. I shifted on the bed, trying to get closer to him, which wasn't quite possible. I always forgot how cold my lips could be when he wasn't kissing me. One kiss was enough to make my whole body warm all over again.

Jacob noticed my movement, moving along with me to get me satisfied. His hand cupped the back of my head and his fingers tugged slightly at the hair there. I moaned at the sensation, which allowed him to slip his tongue in my mouth. I knew that I would need to breathe soon but I didn't want to move away from Jacob. My hand ran down his abs that I could feel perfectly, even underneath his clothes. I felt powerful every time he would shiver under my touch. It meant that he found me attractive, big belly and all. His left hand went from my stomach up to my breasts. He knew I was sensitive there, but it was so good to have his fingers running along the outline of my bra, never touching where I wanted him to.

He was an expert at taking my clothes off. In a matter of seconds, my shirt was hanging loose, revealing my chest. I was proud of him for not destroying any of the buttons. I was expecting him to touch me but nothing came. He ended our kiss and rested his forehead against mine in one of our favorite positions. We would look each other straight in the eyes. It wasn't like we had been making out heavily, but I was panting a lot and so was he.

"I love how beautiful it made you… to have my baby in you," he whispered, his breath warming my cheeks even more. "I could spend hours just looking at you. Oh! Hold on!" Jacob suddenly sprang out of the bed, leaving me confused. He had gone from really sweet to very excited faster than I thought possible. What had triggered the change, I had no idea. I heard him rummaging through the living room. I was starting to get up, too, to see what was going on when his loud footsteps announced that he was coming back.

"Lie down! I'm gonna take a pic!" Jacob exclaimed, brandishing the camera above his head.

"Again? You have like, hundreds of pictures of me. Don't you have enough?"

"Nope. Never enough. I want as many reminders of you being pregnant as I can. Lie down and then we'll seriously need to hurry up. It's almost five p.m. already."

I sighed as I let him play photographer. I didn't want to have to get ready for tonight even if I was kind of looking forward to going. It was nice to be able to see all the people I used to know back in high school. It would be a good distraction. I was dying to see the outside world after such a dull week. Jacob hadn't even tried to bail out of it, even though he claimed that he wasn't feeling well enough to socialize lately. I wouldn't have minded going alone since I was supposed to meet up with Angela and Seth, but I wouldn't have been able to enjoy myself knowing that my husband was at home by himself.

What was bothering me was that I'd have to dress up and give up the sweat pants I was so comfortable in. But at least I was going to wear a dress, which was already better than jeans. I hated wearing jeans these days. And I also hoped that I wouldn't have to stay on my feet all night long. Surely, they would have pity on me and let me sit throughout the whole thing.

...

I checked my face one last time in the car mirror. I wasn't as talented as my mother when it came to make-up but I did a rather good job. Jacob's idea of dressing up was throwing a jacket over a tee-shirt, so I didn't overdo it either. I was simply wearing my black dress and a little clip in my hair.

It was good to be back at school even if it wasn't for teaching purposes. I missed the plain buildings and the always crammed parking lot, which was no exception tonight. Apparently, we were a bit late. We exited the car to go find Seth and Angela who were waiting for us at the entrance of the gym. The principal hadn't listened to my suggestion of hosting the event in the cafeteria since it was smaller and that it wasn't like hundreds of people were going to be there anyway. The gym it was then.

"Hey, guys. Did you get lost somewhere on the way?" Jacob just glared at Seth. I noticed that he was trying not to look at Angela too much. What had happened this morning hadn't been forgotten yet. It must suck sometimes to be able to hear every single private thought of the other guys. I would forever be grateful that Jacob was better at shielding his mind than the others.

"Give them a rest. They aren't _that_ late. It's you who insisted we arrived early."

"I want to see her ex to show him that I'm so much better than him," Seth added for the two of us. It made me smile. I had often wondered what would have happened if Angela had met him when we were still in high school. They would have been together for years and I certainly wouldn't have had the special relationship I had with my brother. It would have changed lots of things. I would have probably done more stupid stuff in college without him around. In a sense, I was glad that he only imprinted on my friend all these years later.

Jacob ushered me inside the building as the rain started to pick up again. We grabbed our name tags before stepping into the very loud room. People were everywhere. The music was blasting and we practically had to yell to talk. The guys left to get us some drinks and we quickly found a vacant table to sit down.

I remembered my reaction when I saw Angela for the first time again in the store back in September. It had struck me how much she had changed. As I looked around the room, I realized that all the people I could see had changed as well. I supposed I had, too. Before I even had the time to take a relieved breath from being off my feet, we were assailed by former classmates. I was used to running into Mike all the time. He had the ambition of developing his parents' business and from what I'd heard, he was doing pretty well. He was planning on opening a new store in Port Angeles soon.

I had to admit that it was better than I'd imagined to catch up with people, to be able to tell them how I'd been doing, what I'd achieved so far. It seemed that not a lot of them had stayed or settled in Forks after graduating. Granted, if it hadn't been for Jacob, I would have left the area, too. I got the usual congratulations for the baby and I think that Jessica surprised both of us by saying that we did a really good job hooking up with guys from the reservation. I had always thought that she wouldn't mind dating one of them for a while but that she wouldn't accept being tied down up to him and to La Push for the rest of her life. She used to have higher expectations. Now, she declared that she would have liked to stay around Forks. Life in a big city could be quite impersonal sometimes.

"I wonder if we'll see those weird kids. You know, they were kind of rich, always big and expensive cars, and you used to date one of them in junior year. What was his name again?" Angela asked, looking at me. Seth and Jacob had come back with our drinks and it was just the four of us at the table for the moment. Jacob tensed next to me, his arm squeezing my waist in his usual reflex to comfort me. If she had asked this question a couple of months earlier, I'd have certainly freaked out. I'd have probably not even wanted to come to this reunion because it would have brought back bad memories. I was okay, though. I was coming to terms with the fact that the Cullens would always exist but that they didn't hate me. My heart still gave a little start every time they were mentioned but it wasn't as bad as before. I was finally ready to move on with life.

"Angela, you shouldn't…"

"No, Seth. I'm fine," I cut him off, smiling to show him that there was nothing to worry about. It also thrilled me that I could talk about the Cullens without breaking down. "The Cullens, you mean? I'm pretty sure they won't show up."

"Hell, yeah. They better not. There wasn't any exception clause to my warning."

"Did I miss something?" Angela was confused, which was understandable. For safety reasons, it had been decided that she wouldn't know that she used to go to school with vampires or that I used to date one. We hadn't expected her to bring up the subject.

"It's just that the Cullens are… vampires, Ang," Seth explained in a low voice so no one else could listen to our conversation. She gasped loudly, her eyes locking with mine, making me uneasy. "They aren't allowed to come here anymore, apparently."

"No, they're not. And we all agreed on it."

"Oh my God. It must have been such a shock for you, Bella. Dating a vampire? Did you know? Of course you didn't. If you had, you wouldn't have…"

"I did. I knew what I was getting myself into at the time."

"But…"

"Can we just not talk about it? Yes, I made a mistake but I've traded mystical creatures since then and I don't regret anything about it." Jacob leaned over to kiss my cheek. She wasn't convinced yet. I understood that she only knew one part of the story and that for her, vampires were awful creatures who killed people (which they actually were) but it wasn't a reason to look at me as if I was an alien from outer space.

"We went to school with vampires? But they could have…"

"Do you need some fresh air?" Seth was worried and my anger toward my friend dissolved at once. I couldn't blame her. It must be a bit disorienting to learn all these secrets especially when you're not prepared for them. It amazed me how easily I'd accepted that vampires and werewolves existed when I was younger.

"I think I need a drink."

"Let's get you outside first. We'll see about that later." It was nice to see how much Seth cared about her. I'd never see him act like this with a girl before. I was resenting the fact that things were changing because of their relationship, but I was glad that Angela could finally make him as happy as he deserved to be.

"They're cute together," I said to Jacob after they left their seats. His grip on my hip had lessened by now even if he wasn't letting go of me. He always had to keep physical contact with me whenever we were out in public.

"Cute? Trust me. From what I saw in his mind, they aren't 'cute' in bed."

"Jake! You know I don't want to talk about that!" I didn't need to think about this again. I had successfully managed to erase and block out everything Angela shared with me last month. I didn't want Jacob to ruin it for me. It was true that I was intrigued, though. He never seemed to be so disgusted by the other guys' minds. Maybe it was because imprinting was new for Seth and he had a hard time controlling his thoughts?

"Between you and me, we're way better than them." I blushed at his comment, checking around us to see if someone had heard him. He laughed at my reaction, kissing my blush away before standing up.

"I'm gonna go find something else to drink. Do you want something?"

"No, I'm good. Thanks. I'll be over there, socializing." I pointed to the other side of the big room where they had put a huge board which seemed to attract some attention.

I quickly understood why they had asked us to send pictures beforehand. They had created a patchwork with old pictures from when we all were in school mixed with more recent ones. Jacob had insisted on choosing mine and I actually liked the ones that he picked. I looked better now than when I was 18. I was listening to Eric talking about how great it was to work in Los Angeles when we were interrupted by Seth.

"Can I steal her for a minute?" He looked weird, as if he'd seen a ghost. I apologized to Eric and let him drag me closer to the buffet table.

"What's going on? Is Angela okay?"

"Yeah, she's completely fine. She's a tough girl. But I have to show you something. I'm sure I'm hallucinating but yeah. Look."

I didn't understand what was up, but I complied. I scanned the room to try to see what was wrong. Everything looked perfectly normal to me. I didn't know what Seth had thought he'd seen but there was nothing.

"Seth, I…"

"There! Look at this guy!" We moved around a little so I could see one of the people who had had their back to me. It didn't strike me right away though when it did, all color left my face. Now it was clear why Seth had looked like he'd seen a ghost: because that was the case. It wasn't hard to recognize him. The hair was shorter and the clothes were significantly better. The rest hadn't changed at all. Always a drink in his hand and his arm around a girl's waist. And I used to be one of them. It felt like I was dreaming and I was going to wake up soon. Why was he here? It felt so surreal. I didn't want him to be here.

"You're kidding, right? What is he doing here?"

"So, it's him? I'm not crazy?"

"No, you're not but… oh, no. Don't look, don't look at us. Let's get out of here before he…" Too late. He smiled at the woman he was talking to, surveying his surroundings at the same time. His eyes spotted me and I wasn't lucky enough to have been forgotten. He did a double-take before excusing himself to stride toward us. I didn't feel like talking to him. Instead, I wanted to hide and pretend that he wasn't there. Unconsciously, I grabbed Seth's hand to give me courage. He didn't push me away which was comforting. This was definitely going to be awkward.

"Bella?"

"Hi, David."

"Wow. It's really you? It's been years! How are you?"

"I'm good. What… what exactly are you doing here?"

"My girlfriend didn't want to come by herself." He jerked his thumb behind his shoulder, pointing at the blonde girl. Lauren. He was dating Lauren. How had they met? How come he hooked up with a girl from my school? Couldn't he have found someone else? He didn't know we would run into each other, but still. He was dating Lauren.

As much as I hated to admit it, David had been a great guy to hang out with during my first years in college. I was drunk at all the parties and he liked to drink, too. He was immature but funny yet, his main flaw had been that he wasn't Jacob. He couldn't live up to my expectations because of that.

I was almost glad that he made the stupid mistake of cheating on me at a party that I couldn't attend because I had to study. After the rage had dissipated and I told him what a jerk he was, I eventually came to the conclusion that it couldn't work between us if all he was looking for was someone to get drunk and sleep with. I was tired of being that girl. If you looked closely, he was the one who sent me back to Jacob. No, I didn't hate David. But he could do so much better than Lauren.

"…so I said what the hell. High school reunions are always fun. You get to see who got super fat or the chicks who used to be ugly and have magically transformed into sex on legs. I'm always up for a good party. What are _you_ doing here?"

"It's my high school. This is where I used to go to school."

"Really? Small world, huh? And you're her 'brother', right? I remember you. Always trying to get her to go to bed at silly hours. It looks like you're past that fake brother-sister phase." He eyed our hands clasped together, my stomach, and grinned at us. Seth made a face.

"Seth's a very nice guy but he isn't anything else but my brother. I have a husband of my own, thank you very much."

"Really? I remember you being pretty wild in bed. I think he's a pretty lucky guy, then." I wanted to yell at him for saying that. What did he mean? That the only thing I was good at was what I did in bed? You couldn't build a relationship on that alone and it certainly wasn't the only thing that Jacob liked about me. At least, I hoped so. No, Jacob loved so much more than that. It was no wonder that David and I never worked very well back in college if the only thing he could remember about me was how I was in bed. Granted, we didn't do much else but still.

"Who's a lucky guy?" Jacob asked, pulling me to his side as if he wanted to protect me and prevent me from giving David a piece of my mind. I had been wondering where Jacob had gone. Since there was food available, it shouldn't have surprised me that he disappeared to stuff his mouth. I wasn't particularly fond of the idea of him meeting David. Of course he knew that I had been involved with other men. It didn't mean that I wanted him to talk to them. David belonged to the past.

"You are. Jacob, this is… David. We… dated for a few months in college." Jacob tensed even more. He didn't try to be nice. As a matter of fact, he simply nodded to acknowledge this new piece of information. He was extremely possessive of me.

"Dating's a big word. I'd call it more like 'having fun'." He winked at me. "I'd never seen a girl drink so much so fast. It was actually kind of super awesome to watch." Oh my God. Couldn't he see that he was pissing Jacob off? It didn't take a lot of thinking to understand what 'having fun' meant. Jacob was grinding his teeth, glaring at the extended hand in front of him. Just as David was about to withdraw it, Jacob finally decided to shake it. After a few seconds, David wasn't smiling anymore. He was wincing in pain.

"Oh, yeah? Well, I certainly don't need to watch her get drunk to enjoy her company."

"Yes, sure. I mean… Okay… I guess it was… cool seeing you again, Bella. I think I'll… go… back… there. Yeah." He flexed his hand, his eyes never leaving Jacob as if he was afraid that he was going to be attacked.

"You scared the poor guy to death!" I scowled him as soon as David turned his back on us. The guys immediately burst into laughter. I didn't see what was funny. David talking about me to Jacob was rather embarrassing. I was ashamed of myself.

"He deserved it. No one talks about you like you're some kind of easy girl."

"But he was right. I was like that in college." And I wasn't proud of it. I wish I could take it all back.

"It doesn't mean that he can say it. Besides, you're not like that anymore. I don't care how you were in college. Isn't it what they say? That you're supposed to make mistakes in college? That guy was definitely a mistake."

"I was young." I shrugged, hugging Jacob closer. It amazed me what a serious and responsible man he was when he was still rather young. David was older than me and he didn't look like he was taking life seriously yet. It was good to be reminded that choosing Jacob had made me very lucky. "You're much better than him," I assured him. I couldn't help but look at my former boyfriend as he kept glaring at Jacob when he was sure that he wouldn't be noticed. I assumed that his hand must hurt a lot.

"Of course, I am. I…"

"I thought I'd never get rid of Ben. He won't take a hint!" Angela rolled her eyes, grabbed Seth by the arm and kissed him right on the mouth in front of everybody. Seth stumbled backwards in surprise and a few people stopped their conversations to stare at the two of them. I shifted my gaze, resolutely looking at Jacob's chest. "There. I needed to make a point," Angela explained as she released Seth. She didn't even blush or anything at having kissed her boyfriend so heavily in public. I knew that I wouldn't be able to do it. It made me a little jealous.

"I'm always glad to help, Ang. Where's this annoying ex?"

"Oh, no. Enough with you two scaring exes. They're not worth it. You're the ones who get us. There's no need to rub it in their faces."

"All right, all right. You're ruining all our fun."

"Poor baby," I joked, tapping Jacob's cheek playfully. "Go play with the food instead. I need to go to the bathroom."

"I'm coming with you!"

There must be an unwritten rule somewhere that says that girls have to go to the bathroom together. I didn't get it. It wasn't like someone was going to attack us on the way. If that were the case, I certainly wouldn't be able to protect myself, being pregnant and all. And it wasn't like we could get lost either. Forks High wasn't what you would call a big school. I guess it was all about being able to gossip freely. The bathroom next to the gym was packed with women reapplying eye-liner, laughing loudly, and commenting on everybody who wasn't with them. It seemed that some things never changed.

I wasn't here to say nasty things about former friends. I simply wanted to use the bathroom. With a quick jerk of the head, I showed Angela that I wanted to go somewhere else. I knew the buildings by heart so it wouldn't be difficult for me to find a quieter place. After we were done, Angela asked if we could walk around for a while. She hadn't been there in a long time. I texted Jacob because I knew that he would start to worry if he didn't see me come back soon. Besides, I didn't want to be in the same room as David anymore. Knowing him, he would take every chance he'd have to brag about us back in the days. I certainly didn't want to be near him for that. Yet, maybe that Jacob's presence would stop him from doing it. Thinking back on it, it was pretty funny to watch the poor guy wince in pain. Jacob had no remorse in hurting people who weren't respecting me.

I brought Angela to my classroom and she was very excited to get to sit down at one of the desks again. It was good to hang out, just the two of us. It was completely silent in the hallways and it was only broken by our frequent laughter. We probably didn't really have the right to be there but I couldn't get myself to care.

"Now, I'm going to show you the room you've always dreamed about getting into," I said in my best conspiratorial tone, my keys in hand as we were walking, her heels clicking steadily on the floor.

"Are you really allowed to do this?"

"Who cares?" I shrugged.

"Look who's rebelling!" she exclaimed, pushing my shoulder and looking pleased at me. I shook my head but it was hard not to smile at her. I struggled with the key until I managed to open the door of the teacher's lounge. It was good to be back in there.

"Ooooooh. I must say, I'm a bit disappointed," Angela declared, looking everywhere at once, running her fingers on the counter and checking it to see if there was dust on it. "I was expecting unicorns and magical fountains. All you have is a couple of tables and a few chairs."

"We have a coffee machine. Don't forget it. It's the most important thing in this room. We'd be lost without it."

"I know the feeling. You do have a great couch, though." She sank down on the green sofa and patted the space next to her. "I'm sorry for earlier," she apologized after I sat down. "I didn't mean to offend you or to judge you about your past relationship with this… vampire. I'm dating a werewolf after all. Who or what you dated in high school isn't something I can blame you for."

"It's okay. I'm used to people judging me for my relationship with Edward. Besides, you're new to all of this. It must have been a big shock for you." She snorted.

"I thought Seth was crazy at first. Then, I thought I was hallucinating. It's so weird, knowing legends can be true and werewolves exist for real. It just surprised me to hear that vampires used to be in the same class as me. I certainly wasn't expecting it!"

"They would have never hurt you if it's what's bothering you."

"I know. Seth explained everything. Still. They're supposed to want to drink people's blood. I wouldn't have been able to spend as much time with them as you did. You were kind of brave."

"Brave and a little crazy. And stupidly in love. I guess it was exhilarating to have someone as perfect as him interested in me. I thought I was very lucky." She was looking intently at me. I'd never talked to a girlfriend about my past relationship like this. I couldn't. It was strange but at the same time liberating. I was forcing myself to say his name. It was ridiculous to block out a simple name.

"But you were so sad when they left. I remember you were always by yourself. Sometimes, I was afraid that one day, you would stop showing up at school. I wished I could have helped."

"You couldn't have, Angela. I wouldn't have been able to tell you everything. It's actually the only reason why I'm glad Jacob phased. Then I could be with someone who knew exactly what had happened to me. It made it a little bit easier for me at the time."

"Well, I think it's great that we can be friends again now. I hated how you drifted away from us during our senior year." She put her arm around my shoulders to bring me closer to her in what I supposed was the best version of a hug that we could get. "I get you back and I get Seth as the most wonderful bonus ever. I mean, this guy's amazing. He's sweet and he hadn't turned my apartment into a battlefield yet." Angela had stars in her eyes when she was talking about my brother. I wasn't especially looking forward to talking about him with her. But it would have been rude to deny her what seemed like a great pleasure.

"Did you see his room at my father's? I wouldn't be surprised if you threatened to kick him out soon because he doesn't clean up his messes. You just wait."

"I doubt it. It's almost scary how perfect we are for each other. I wouldn't have thought it possible."

"Yes, I've noticed." I tried not to sound too bitter but apparently, I failed.

"Seth told me how it changed things between you two that he… imprinted. I'm sorry, Bella."

"You don't have to apologize. It's not your fault. But we had this very special relationship and I liked the idea of having a brother. We would have a lot of fun together. Jacob was jealous of Seth actually. I miss spending time with him but I guess it's better this way. I have a husband and soon I'll have a family to focus on."

"If it weren't for me, though, Seth…"

"Would still be sleeping all over the place and feeling lonely," I finished her sentence for her. "I'm happy he found you, Angela."

"Then why are you crying?" Shoot. I didn't think I was this obvious. I wasn't even crying. I was trying not to cry –big difference. I hadn't wanted to talk about this. I hated myself for being jealous while I had a great relationship of my own. It was silly to want to keep everyone for myself.

"Because I'm selfish. I'll be fine." I dried my eyes only to realize that I had totally ruined my make-up which was now covering my fingers. I had to laugh. "You're the best girl Seth could have imprinted on. Sure, it's sad that things are different between us but it's for the best. I'm fine, really!" I added with a smile because she didn't look convinced. I didn't want her to feel guilty for something she had no power over. I'd have resented Seth's imprint if it had been a complete stranger. Angela was okay. I had to learn to stop acting like a child. It wasn't like Seth had cut all ties with me. We saw each other from time to time. Not as often as before but I couldn't complain.

"If you ever need to spend some time with him, just let me know and I'll leave the two of you alone. I don't mean to intrude."

Angela may have changed in many ways, from the lack of glasses to the fact that she wasn't shy anymore, but she certainly was one of the nicest people I had ever met. I hugged her again.

"Thank you. You're the best."

"I'm trying. We should probably go back or they're going to wonder if someone kidnapped us. Seth is so paranoid. Sometimes I get the impression that he only moved in so he could protect me from whatever dangers he thinks are out there."

She rolled her eyes. I refrained from commenting, but it was possible that it might have been one of the reasons he decided to go live with her. The guys were always afraid that something would happen to us. Angela was only beginning to see what crazy world she had entered.

She helped me getting up from the couch and carefully to put the cushions back in place so it wouldn't be obvious that we had been in the room. Minus the few tears I had shed, I was glad I got to talk to Angela and to clear up the situation a little bit. I closed the door and we went back to the madness that was the gym, hoping that Seth and Jacob had behaved and that the poor other men weren't traumatized for the rest of their lives.

* * *

There you have it. I hope I'll get the next chapter to you faster but school is just annoying at the moment and I'm writing an outtake from this fic for **Fandom4Tsunami** that I need to have finished before anything else. If you're interested in reading it, all you have to do is donate here (http : / / fandomfightstsunami (.) blogspot (.) com / p / how-to-donate (.) html) if you haven't done it already. I can promise you it'll be a cute, sweet, sexy outtake between our two favorite characters :)

**TwiFicReviews** is hosting a very good contest that you absolutely want to check out. I may be a judge because I definitely won't have to write for it, unfortunately. Here's the link (http : / / twificreviewsa-z (.) blogspot (.) com / p / contests (.) html) and don't forget to spread the word! Everybody loves a man in uniform, right? ;)


	39. Chapter 37

Thanks to my beta, **WolfGirlatHeart** for pointing out the stupid mistakes that I forget along the way.

One big portion in the middle of this chapter is a flash-back. I marked the dates with the year so you wouldn't be confused. I'm awesome, right? ;)

Disclaimer: Nothing Twilight belongs to me, except the beautiful postcard **chefdiamondheart** sent me from La Push. I can't stop staring at it.

Enjoy :)

* * *

**Chapter 37. Trip Down Memory Lane**

_**Bella's PoV**_

_**Friday 27****th****, March, 2014. **_

You couldn't say that there were a lot of places in La Push where you could hang out with your friends. There was First Beach of course, but not when it was raining. Apart from that, there was only one restaurant in a building that doubled as a coffee shop and as a souvenir shop for tourists. At this time of the year, these people didn't abound. There were only a few hiking fanatics who thought it enjoyable to go out in the forest while it was cold and windy to get soaked by the rain.

On a Friday afternoon like today, the coffee shop was relatively quiet. I'd always liked this place, maybe because it reminded me of the one I used to work at when I was in college. I used to come here as a teenager every time Jacob and the guys were patrolling to keep me safe. I didn't want to bother Billy or Emily too much, and I was safe in town. I'd bring a good book, get a mocha, and curl up on a sofa for a few hours.

I wasn't by myself today. There had been a meeting at the Tribal Hall with the Elders in the morning. It was weird to think of Jacob as an Elder. He didn't like it either. It meant that he had taken his father's place, something that he was very reluctant to do. A Black had to be on the council, though, and since Rachel was living rather far away, he'd agreed to do it. I knew that deep down inside, he was happy to do it, happy to be in charge of the tribe, happy to be so involved in its life. All of a sudden, he had been catapulted to the head of the Council. Billy didn't brag about it, but it seemed that because Jacob was also a member of the pack, he had more responsibilities than his father. He apparently deserved to be recognized as their chief. He didn't want them to call him that. He was in this position because of his ancestors and his family. He hadn't done anything remarkable to be awarded such a title. I think that the other Elders let it go this time. They would probably try to make him accept his position as a chief later.

Sue had called the day before to ask if I wanted to spend the afternoon with her after the meeting. She had the day off, and met me at our house. Jacob didn't want me to drive even if it was to go into the small town. It was annoying to be stuck at home, especially as he had to be my driver any time I had to go grocery shopping. Grocery shopping with Jacob was like going through hell. He always needed to buy more food than necessary.

It was nice to spend some time with my step-mother, just the two of us without any brother or father interfering. The coffee shop was relatively empty and we got two huge slices of their homemade vanilla cheesecake. Being part of the so-called important families in La Push had its perks: our coffees came for free. Mine was decaf, of course. We found a good spot near a window. It was raining outside, but there was something magical in watching the quiet street under the rain. It felt like home; it felt peaceful. I felt peaceful, too, minus the kicks happening inside my body. I swore to God that this child was going to kick his way out of me if he kept this up.

We talked a lot about Angela as she was still a hot topic among us. Sue was thrilled about what had happened to Seth. He was her baby, and I could see how much it pained her that he didn't seem to be able to keep a girl before. Sure, he didn't really have a choice about my friend, and his mother was well aware of what imprinting entitled, but the only thing that bothered her now was that Seth had moved out. It had all happened so fast. The house must be quiet without doors banging, jumps from the top of the stairs to the hallway, the roaring of his motorcycle in the middle of the night and the endless arguing about the fact that he would never tidy his room unless threatened to have his things given away.

Sue looked nostalgic as she talked about all of this. It must be hard to watch your child find the girl of his dreams and move on with his life. My arm tightened around my stomach in reflex. I didn't want to think of the moment when my baby would leave our house as well. I didn't even want to think about the fact that my tiny baby would be a grown-up one day.

"Your father's so excited about this baby, you know. He was off to the store to buy paint and toys the very second Seth said that he was moving out." She smiled fondly in remembrance. Charlie didn't vocalize his feelings a lot but he definitely had a soft spot when it came to his grandchild. After the surprise of the announcement back in the fall, he couldn't stop smiling and making plans for the future. I was sure that my dad was going to be the best grandfather ever, which I was counting on since he would be the only one living near our kid.

My heart always ached at the thought that Jacob's parents wouldn't be around to meet their grandchild. Actually, it ached every time I realized his parents weren't around anymore for anything. Jacob was so brave and strong to carry on while fully knowing that there was something missing in his life. I was so lucky that my parents were still alive. I couldn't even begin to imagine how hard it must be for him. Even if the tribe was like family to him, it wasn't the same.

I sighed and focused again on what Sue was talking about. She hadn't realized that I'd been lost in my thoughts.

"Charlie says that he can watch the baby whenever you need. If I were you, I'd be careful. The guys' idea of looking after you all when you were younger was to take you fishing. It certainly wasn't what _we_ had in mind."

"I wouldn't mind if he did as long as he waits a few years. It'll be less quiet for Dad if he has someone to teach how to fish."

"Yes, I guess you're right. After what happened to… Billy, he swore that he'd never go fishing without his friend, or watch football for that matter. But he was drunk that night. He certainly doesn't remember he said it." Something similar had happened after Harry's death. The memory was stuck in my head. It wasn't every day that you saw your giant best friend carry your passed out father up the stairs to get him to bed. My dad couldn't remember a thing the morning after.

"He loves fishing and football too much to give them up. And Jacob makes a point of watching games with him whenever he can. He says it helps."

"Probably. It'd also help if they would clean up their mess afterward," Sue said, shaking her head. For my sake, it had been decided that they wouldn't gather at our place to watch TV. It wasn't fair to Sue, but she wasn't really complaining. She was used to Seth and Jacob's never-ending hunger. Besides, having them around meant that my dad was less sad and lonely in front of his TV screen, which was her priority.

"Jacob seems to be getting better," she remarked, sipping on her coffee. "Well, not this morning obviously, but in general, I mean."

"Yes, he is. He's still having a hard time coming to terms with the idea that he'll never see Billy again, though. It all happened so suddenly that he didn't have time to prepare himself for the abrupt change. He's definitely feeling better than a couple of months ago. He tries to focus on work and the baby. It helps."

"It's always difficult to get past something so dramatic." She should know. I could never thank my father enough for being there for her when her life fell apart all those years ago. He'd been such a great support for her and Seth, even if he didn't know half the truth behind Harry and Leah's deaths. I knew that Sue didn't like having to lie to him on a regular basis, but it was for his own good. It was safer for my father to be in the dark about some things.

"Jacob talked to Seth and it looks like it helped him, too. I wish I could do the same but I don't really know what to say when he feels down."

"You're already doing a lot just by being here for him, Bella," she assured me, her hand resting on my shoulder to comfort me. It'd been more than two months since Billy's death, and even if they had slightly decreased, there were days when Jacob couldn't function properly whenever a small thing reminded him of what had happened. "Besides, you have to take it easy on yourself. You've been through so much during your pregnancy already. I don't know a lot people who would have done the same without any consequences." It was the nurse speaking now. I knew I'd been lucky so far.

"Jacob thinks it's because I'm his imprint. Something about bloodline and that my body's built to be strong so it can have babies for the next generation or whatever." I shrugged. As long as my baby was fine, I didn't care if this imprinting business made it look like I'd been born only to carry Jacob's kids. I'd worry about it later.

"It's a good explanation. I'd never thought about that, not that I had to anyway. It doesn't mean that you can only focus on him and not take care of yourself, though. You're due soon and it's time for you to relax and think about yourself because trust me, soon that won't be an option anymore."

"That's what I'm doing even if it gets boring after a while to stay at home."

"You just wait. In a month or so, you'll be dying to get some time to do nothing and be bored out of your mind. I remember being on bedrest when I was pregnant with Seth. I was alone at home and seriously, after watching TV for hours, all I wanted was for him to be here already. That boy was never tired as a toddler and I used to think that I was crazy not to have enjoyed the quiet when I could."

She laughed and I did the same. I couldn't imagine Seth being a pest as a child except if he was interacting with his sister. Siblings were apparently bound to fight on a regular basis. What I could easily picture was Seth as a babbling and always smiling baby who would never want to be put down to sleep. It sounded like him.

"But you love him no matter what. I already know that this child won't be a piece of cake either. How could he with Jacob as his father?" I chuckled, looking forward to all the pranks he would teach our child behind my back. It was Jacob's personality to be sunny and happy and he never missed an opportunity to have fun.

"You two are going to be terrific parents. I can just feel it." That was too sweet and I had to hug her.

I was still feeling insecure about being a mom. There were so many new things to process at once and I was afraid that they wouldn't come to me naturally. I'd never really changed a diaper before, but Kim had let me change Mark a couple of times to get me used to it. I was afraid that I wouldn't know how to nurse a baby correctly or that I wouldn't be able to heat a bottle of milk to the right temperature and that I would hurt our kid without meaning to. Fortunately, Jacob and I had been going to a few prenatal yoga classes which I really enjoyed. Having him around made me less self-conscious during the exercises. I liked it especially because I was able to talk with the other women. I wasn't the only one feeling anxious, which comforted me. That, and the fact that Jacob kept saying over and over that we were in this together so there was no way in hell a team as good as ours could screw up.

"Thanks, Sue," I whispered as she patted my back. I decided to push the anguish aside for a little while. I didn't want to put more stress on myself. For all I knew, everything might just fall into place the very second I'll get to hold my son. It was a boy. I was positive we were having a son.

Sue told me a few more anecdotes about Seth as a baby. I'd heard most of them already and I had often used them as bribes. I would never really say anything embarrassing to the pack but it was fun to threaten him from time to time. He could get annoying if he felt like it so it was nice to have something to make him shut his mouth.

Our coffee cups had been empty for quite a while and the plates on the table in front of us were cleaned of any remaining trace of the cheesecake. As I turned around to look outside to check on the weather, I realized that it was getting dark in the street. The rain hadn't stopped yet. It wasn't likely to anyway. It could rain for days during spring here. What I was hoping for was that next summer would be as sunny and hot as the previous one. A little bit of sunshine wasn't going to hurt anyone. After a quick trip to the bathroom, we left the coffee shop so Sue could drive me home.

Although Jacob could use my car since I had no use for it at the moment, he preferred going to the garage with his bike. I actually missed riding the bike and I understood why he liked it better. He didn't like the helmet, but we couldn't chance him getting a ticket for something that ridiculous, no matter whether he needed it for safety reasons or not. Jacob was sexy on his bike and a helmet wasn't going to change that. Said bike was leaning against the side of the garage as Sue pulled into the driveway. He must have been able to get off work early. With all the extra hours he did all the time, he deserved some kind of compensation.

I invited Sue in for good measure but she declined politely. All I could offer her was coffee, something she was drinking not so long ago. I doubted that she wanted another cup. She invited us over for dinner the following week, stating that it was important for me to enjoy a meal as a guest, a meal that I hadn't spent hours cooking. She was right.

I waved goodbye to her then hurried toward the front door, trying not to walk into any of the puddles that had emerged along the way.

"Jake? I'm home!" I said, taking off my hat and coat. It was weird to be the one saying these words. I was more used to it being the other way around. I heard noise in the bedroom and started down the hallway.

"How was your afternoon?"

"It was fine. Sue told me some hilarious baby stories about Seth. Did you know that he couldn't sleep without… Wow! What are you doing?" I stopped short at our bedroom door to survey the scene in front of me. Jacob was apparently looking for something in the closet and there was leftover Christmas ribbon all over the bed.

"No! Don't look!" he exclaimed, throwing the nearest piece of clothing on top of his mess. "Turn around! Close your eyes!"

"O… kay. What's going on, Jake?" I asked once I turned my back to him. I heard him move around, curse under his breath a few times which owed him some reprimands and then I could feel his body just behind me.

"You can turn around and I'll give you your surprise now," he said, excited. His attitude was so different from last night when he had been grumpy because he didn't want to go to the meeting with the Elders. I liked this Jacob much better. Just by the way he talked it was clear that he was smiling.

"A surprise? For what?"

"You'll see. Turn around but keep your eyes closed." I did as I was told, his hand gripping my arm so I wouldn't hurt myself with the doorframe. "Gimme your hands. Here you go. Surprise!"

He put something in my hands. It was making a faint bubbly noise as he moved it. I didn't even have to open my eyes to know what it was. When I did, it only confirmed that I was right. I was holding an orange bottle with a red ribbon wrapped around it. It was quite confusing since I had no clue why Jacob was beaming at me like he had found the best present in the world.

"You got me… alcohol?" I finally said, frowning.

"Not any kind of alcohol, Bells! It's pineapple Malibu!" I still wasn't getting why he had given it to me. "You don't remember? Oh, come on! Two years ago, you, me, a California beach and a bottle of Malibu…"

Oh. _Oh_. Oh!

I grinned like an idiot when it finally hit home. It had been a perfect day. It was silly not to remember it.

* * *

_**Monday 25****th****, March, 2012**._

Being stuck in a library during spring break was a cruel thing to inflict on myself. I needed the free time exactly like our students did. It was relaxing to be away from the constant sighing and snickering in the classroom. I loved the kids but it was such a relief not to have to battle to make them focus for a couple of weeks. But I had to put the final touches to this trip to Seattle before going on my vacation. So here I was, with a couple of colleagues.

I couldn't wait for us to be done. I got it that it was important to be able to present a finished plan for the day out of school as soon as possible. It didn't mean I wanted to be stuck inside all day. The fog cleared up a few minutes ago and it looked like the sun was going to shine today. How ironic that it would wait for the day we were leaving for a sunny state to show up here, as if it didn't want us to go south. Knowing the weather in Port Angeles, it would soon rain again. I wanted to forget about the rain for a little while.

After a couple of hours, everything seemed ready for us to bring the kids to see the play. I doubted they would enjoy it, but I was hoping they would understand what it was about. If they had read it and had been paying attention to what I'd been saying for the past month, it shouldn't be too hard for them. _Macbeth _wasn't very funny, though. I expected most of them to declare they had been bored. I was counting on the Ghost's appearances and on the protagonist's subsequent madness to spark their interest even if no one was going to die on stage. Boys would expect blood and would be disappointed.

It was such a nice feeling to step out of the building to bask in the sunlight. Granted, my hands were freezing and I could feel my nose quickly turning red. I hurried toward my truck, happy to be free at last. My bag was packed at my apartment so I was ready to leave as soon as Jacob would get there. He hadn't said anything about working today which probably meant that he had taken the entire week off. It felt like I hadn't seen him in forever, which wasn't really true, but two weeks was still a very long time by my standards. It had actually been a good surprise when he said that he could join me.

My smile got bigger as I parked next to the apartment complex where I lived. I would recognize that motorcycle anywhere, no matter how dirty it was. I had to refrain from running up the stairs toward the third floor. Jacob had had a key to let himself in ever since I moved here so he was likely to be sitting in my kitchen, eating what was left of the food in my fridge. He hadn't gotten the chance to use his key in a long time and I could barely keep my hands from shaking with excitement as I opened the door.

"Jake?" I dropped my bag on the floor but didn't even take the time to remove my coat. I avoided the dog by a miracle to go jump in his arms the second he appeared from behind the kitchen counter. My legs locked around his waist and my arms around his neck. It felt good to be close to him again. I knew perfectly well that no matter how hard I hugged him, he could never really feel anything. I wasn't strong enough for that. He could feel the intention behind my action, though. He didn't stumble back after I launched myself in his arms like a normal person would have done if they were taken by surprise. It was better for me that he had great reflexes.

"Hey, there! Be careful. I don't want to add a trip to the ER to our to-do list."

Two weeks without seeing each other was definitely too much. Of course, we had talked on the phone almost every day but it wasn't the same. It was wonderful to hear his voice and the playful tone in it without having to use any electronic device. I squeezed his neck as hard as I could, burying my face in his shoulder. I wanted to be so much closer to him. I never wanted to let him go again.

"I've missed you!" I said after a while when we just enjoyed being together. My hugs weren't very effective yet; it was entirely the contrary for Jacob's. His arms were bringing me flush against his chest, his big hands pressing on my lower back and warming me through my clothes. I heard him inhale deeply a couple of times, but I'd gotten used to the fact that he would smell my hair any time he had a chance to. It didn't make it less weird.

"How's Billy? I called Charlie the other day and he said he was okay. Is it for sure? I wanted to come down on Saturday but I had the thing with Maggie and it had been planned for months. And you said I didn't have to cancel but I feel bad for not visiting…"

"Dad's fine. Don't worry. It was a big scare at the time but he'll be all right. The doc said something went wrong with the new meds so we switched back to the old ones. He also has to change his diet. He's thrilled."

Jacob laughed and as I looked up, I saw him roll his eyes. I wish I'd been more present for him over the last weeks. He was alone to take care of his father and it mustn't have been easy all the time. Jacob had sounded so panicked on the phone when he called to tell me that Billy was in the hospital after he wouldn't wake up one morning. I had visited him the very same day to be there for both of them but I hadn't been able to do more and it was killing me.

"Will he be okay with you gone for the week?" I frowned, suddenly not very sure that I wanted to kidnap Jacob for our vacation. Billy would certainly need him around the house. I had been so excited to see my boyfriend that it had clouded my judgment. California could wait. Jacob didn't seem to agree, though.

"Don't over think everything, Bells. He'll be fine, I promise. Sue and Charlie will come to keep him company and to make sure that he doesn't try to eat things that aren't on the doc's list. Besides, he said that he wanted us kids to have fun and not worry about him. You think you can do that?"

"I don't know…If he's not by himself then I feel better but…" I sighed, letting him kiss away the worry lines on my forehead. His lips moved down to my cheeks and went to tickle the sensitive skin of my neck. I tried to wriggle out of his grasp but his hands were keeping me in place. "All right, all right! We'll have fun and I won't worry… too much about your dad," I surrendered, the laughter bubbling up in my chest making it hard to breathe.

"Good girl! God… I've missed you so much…." He hugged me close once more before finally releasing me so I could stand on my own two feet. It made it more difficult to kiss him like that but I was becoming a master at standing on my tip-toes for a relatively long period of time. The moment our lips touched, it felt like the world was complete, that it had found its missing piece. It was the best feeling on Earth.

I would have easily spent the entire day locked up in his embrace so we could catch up on all the kisses and other things we hadn't been able to do while we were apart. However, Jacob had other ideas, and all too soon, he pulled away from me, laughing as I pouted in protest.

"I know. Tonight, okay? Because I'd love to do that, but if we don't leave soon, we'll never get there in time tomorrow. You know how your mother worries about that."

"Or we could call her to tell her that we're going to be late."

"And what excuse are you going to come up with? I'm not telling your mom we're delayed because you were hungry for sex."

"I'll tell her something's wrong with the truck and it's taking you a while to fix it." I was already squirming out of his arms to go get the phone in my purse. Jacob didn't let me go so easily.

"You'd lie to your own mother? I'm shocked." He was shaking his head from side to side with great emphasis. All right, I was acting ridiculous. I was a grown woman, which meant that I was perfectly capable of waiting a few hours to finally end up in bed with my boyfriend. I could do that.

"Okay. But you better make it worth it tonight, then."

"Oh, honey. You know me. I hope you're not tired because you'll barely get any sleep." He winked, making me wish that I could make time go faster.

* * *

It was already dark when we checked in at the first decent motel we drove by. We had literally spent the entire afternoon on the road after we left my place and stopped by Maggie's house to leave the dog in her care. Jacob had insisted on driving because he knew this truck well, and he had tricks to save gas or whatever. He just wanted to have the steering wheel in his hands. He loved cars so much that even when he wasn't at work, he always found a way to be around them.

The first leg of the trip had been totally eventless. The sun had shone brightly, and traffic wasn't bad. We did have to stop to get food because, of course, the sandwiches that I had packed for lunch hadn't been enough. After complaining about being hungry for miles, Jacob pulled over at a gas station for a second lunch. It would never cease to amaze me how much food he could swallow down. Afterwards, he felt like he could take a nap to digest everything. I took this as an opportunity to finally get to drive. Sitting in the passenger seat was nice, but it could get boring.

As we stepped into our motel room, Jacob was now fully rested from his long nap. He dropped our bag on the floor noisily before jumping on the bed. The mattress sank beneath him.

"I'm starving. We should order pizzas. Give me the thing there on the table."

I frowned, but did as I was told. I sat on the bed next to him, my feet dangling from the edge as I lay down. How he managed to eat so much without having spent that much energy would always be a mystery to me.

"Give me the thing _please_."

"Yeah, whatever. So… hey!" he exclaimed when I slapped his chest with the back of my hand. It didn't hurt him, but he had to act like it did.

"You need to be more polite with me. I'm not your servant."

"That'd be cool, though. You'd have to do everything I tell you and oh… I can think of a few ways to make that really interesting… You would fold my clothes, and cook me anything I wanted, and bring it to me while I'd watch TV, and you would…"

"Keep dreaming, boy. You're big enough to do this by yourself. Now, get me a pineapple pizza, _please_. I'm going to have a shower," I rolled on my side to give him a kiss, and got up. Jacob looked disgusted.

"How you can eat that stuff is beyond me. Pineapple and pizza don't go together."

"They do in my world." I stuck my tongue out at him. "Hurry up and get in this shower, too. I'll be waiting."

I saw the spark of interest in his eyes as he crawled to the other side of the bed to grab the phone. It had taken everything I had in me not to drag him to my bedroom back in Port Angeles, so I was resolute to enjoy my night with him as much as I could. I certainly hadn't forgotten what he had promised me.

My legs were still stiff from sitting in the truck, and the water from the shower felt wonderful. I let it soak my body as I closed my eyes to listen to the silence in the room. I was so engrossed in the water cascading down my back that if it hadn't been for the noise the shower curtain made when Jacob opened it, I wouldn't have known he'd joined me until he spoke.

He snuck his arms around my waist, bringing me flush against his chest. His skin was so hot that we didn't even have to use warm water. If I stayed next to him, I was sure that I'd never get cold.

"How long do we have?"

"Half an hour. Maybe less."

"Let's make the best of it, then." It was only a whisper, but I knew Jacob could hear me nevertheless. I tilted my head to the side when his lips descended onto my neck. One of his hands moved up to palm my left breast. My body had been anticipating his touch for so long that it only took one graze from his fingers to get me aroused.

"Jake…" I spun around to lock my arms around his neck. I wasn't strong enough to force him to bend down a little to be at my level. He did it anyway, his lips finally locking against mine as he backed me into the shower wall. The cold tiles made me press against Jacob's chest more as a reflex.

"Are you okay?" he asked after I shivered unconsciously. His hands were busy exploring every inch of skin on my stomach, from the top of my breasts, to the skin just above my hips. He even grazed the curly hairs between my legs several times, but he always went back up to toy with my nipples. If he was trying to tease me, he was doing a great job.

"The wall's just cold… I'm fine… I…. ah." The words got lost somewhere in my throat. My nails dug into Jacob's shoulders when his fingers finally decided that my breasts had gotten enough attention for the moment. His hand descended my chest once again, but they didn't stop at my hips this time. His fingers slid between my wet folds.

I was dripping wet, and he had no problem playing with me all he wanted. Jacob was sucking on my neck, sure to leave a mark. It wouldn't be the first time, and I absolutely didn't mind. His right hand came to rest on my hip to keep my body from sliding down the wall when my foot slipped and I lost the little balance that I had.

"Oh, God!" I exclaimed, my eyes closing under the extreme pleasure it brought me when one of his fingers entered me without warning. I didn't need any. It had been so long since we had been together that I was perfectly aware that it wouldn't take me very long to climax. I didn't really try to hold back anything. We had all night to make love again and again, and to take all our time.

Jacob's lips were on mine, his tongue invading my mouth roughly as my body started shaking from my orgasm. But he didn't stop the movement of his fingers after I was done. He kept on pushing inside of me until I came down from my high to realize that he was actually groaning as if he were in pain. I pulled away, my eyes gazing down to the place where we were connected. He wasn't hurting me. As a matter of fact, I could feel myself getting ready again. His fingers were hot, and I wanted nothing more to do it again, but I wanted more.

Then, my gaze landed on his erection which was standing at attention. It dawned on me that I had been very selfish. I hadn't even thought of touching Jacob while he was paying attention to me. All I could concentrate on was my own pleasure, and also not falling down in the shower. No wonder he was in pain. I wanted him inside of me soon. He certainly wanted the same thing. But I wanted to do something to be forgiven first.

"I should have done this way earlier," I whispered against his wet chest, leaving open-mouthed kisses along the lines of his muscles. I palmed his length, running my fingers all over him. Jacob groaned again, this time opening his eyes to look at me. I smiled mischievously at him before dropping to my knees.

"I should have paid attention to you. I hope you can forgive me." I trailed kisses on his hips and thighs, avoiding the place I knew I wanted me to kiss. My hand was still running along his erection, and after deciding that it wasn't fair to torture him like that, I kissed its tip, slowly, engulfing the head in my mouth. Jacob was so big that I couldn't quite take him all in, but I could always use my hands to help me.

His hand flew to my head, pushing my hair aside so it didn't get in my way. As I looked up at him, I saw that his head was thrown back against the wall, his eyes closed again. I used my tongue to run along the sensitive skin, grazing my teeth along it a little, knowing that I wasn't likely to hurt him. He liked that anyway, when I went out of my way to please him.

"There was… nothing to forgive, but you're more than… forgiven now. Yeah. Totally… forgiven. Oh, shit. Yes!"

He was thrusting his hips just a little, trying to control himself. His body was playing on its own, though. His movements were kind of erratic, and I could feel him push deeper into my mouth. I set up a more speedy rhythm, pulling all the way out then licking around the head before sucking him in. My hand was grasping the base of his erection, stroking all that I couldn't get in my mouth.

"Bella… I… I won't be able to… You know…"

I wasn't letting go. I hummed against him, my tongue still busy pleasuring him. Feeling bold, I sucked harder on the tip, which sent him over the edge. His body shook, and he came hard. I swallowed without giving it a second thought, slowing my pace until Jacob seemed to have recovered. I was pretty satisfied with myself, and he laughed when he noticed the smug look on my face.

I stood up, only to realize Jacob had stopped the water. I wouldn't have thought of it myself, but it wouldn't have been good if I had chocked on water. It would have probably killed the mood. Jacob restarted the water so it could wash away the layer of sweat covering our bodies. He lazily wrapped his arms around me to bring me up to his chest again. We hugged for what felt like forever, his fingers roaming my back, up and down my spine.

"I love you, Bells."

"I know. Me too." My voice was muffled by his skin, and the steady heartbeat under my cheek was lulling me into a sleep I didn't want to get. I wanted to stay alert.

"And that was… fantastic! Can we do it again?" I smiled at his eagerness. I was more than willing to do it again. Maybe not in the shower because my skin was starting to have enough, but I was up for more in bed. I was about to tell him so when we heard a faint knock on the motel room's door. It seemed that the pizzas were already here. Reluctantly, I let go of Jacob to step out of the shower and grab a towel. Jacob was faster than me, as he pulled his shirt back on without even drying off.

"I need energy as quick as I can if I want to do all that I have planned with you!" He winked at me, and disappeared to open the door, leaving me excited about what our night could bring.

* * *

The sand felt delightful under my bare feet. I loved that I only wore a t-shirt with a cardigan thrown over it, and I wasn't even cold. This type of clothing wasn't something you could wear back in Washington. It always lifted my spirits to be able to go on a vacation to see my mother, especially since it meant that I could soak up some sun before coming back to rainy Port Angeles.

The rest of our trip to California had gone by quickly. Jacob hadn't lied when he said I wouldn't get much sleep at the motel. We did manage to sleep for a couple of hours, though, but I spent a great part of the following day asleep in the truck. I loved the being with him made my skin glow. I couldn't stop smiling. It was so good to reconnect with Jacob.

Of course, Renée was excited to see us. She had ordered tons of food that Jacob consumed as soon as we were settled at her house. There was no denying that my mom liked him. She thought he was incredibly funny, and he knew how to make a good impression on people. He was always so polite and ready to help with anything whenever he had the chance. I suspected that over the years she had spent a lot of time on the phone with Charlie, discussing my relationship. My dad never hid that he was more than happy that I was dating his best friend's son. Renée admired Jacob for all he did for Billy. It wasn't easy for him every day, but he was doing such a great job.

It was nice to spend time with my mother. It didn't happen a lot so I enjoyed every single moment I was given. She told me about her job, which wasn't changing so much now that she seemed to have found something that she liked to do. She was having a good life here even if she lived by herself. Somehow, I think she wasn't made to live her life with a man. She seemed happier this way. I knew she missed me, though.

What I didn't miss was how she was always trying to make me talk about what Jacob and I did when we were alone. She would suggest buying sexy lingerie or things that she thought he might enjoy. It made me uncomfortable to talk about it with her. It was like she could imagine what was going on our bedroom and I definitely wasn't okay with that. That's why we didn't really have sex when we were staying with her. We would wait for her to be off to work. Jacob couldn't have cared less, but I knew I would be mortified if I were to walk into the kitchen for breakfast to realize my mom had heard everything that had happened in our room at night.

But being on a vacation didn't mean we spent our time inside, catching up in the bedroom. The weather was too wonderful to be stuck in a house, no matter how enjoyable that may be. Jacob never really left La Push during school breaks when he was little. Even now, he only got the chance when we went to visit Renée. He didn't mind not leaving his town, but it was obvious that when he could, he felt like a little kid all over again. He wanted to visit everything that caught his eye.

Our first day with my mother had been eventful. She had a pool so we spent most of our day there, enjoying the quiet after such a long journey before diving into the city later in the week. I was pleased that Jacob had suggested we go to see the sunset on the beach tonight. He hadn't taken me to see sunsets in forever. So there we were, walking on the beach, holding hands.

"Here's a good spot," Jacob said, tilting his head toward some rocks away from the water. He laid the blanket down, and helped me sit down. The air wasn't chilly, but I snuggled against him anyway. He put his arm around my shoulders, and I sighed, feeling contented.

"It's so peaceful and beautiful." The sky was turning every shade of orange. Besides, there wasn't a single cloud to block us from seeing the entire show. It was different from sunsets in La Push.

"Yeah. Yeah, it is," Jacob whispered. I turned my head to realize that he was looking at me while saying this. I blushed a little, pleased that he would think such things about me. I hadn't made a big effort with my clothes or even my hair. I was on time off after all. "You're beautiful, Bells." He bent his head, his lips touching mine slightly, once, twice, then a third time. The last kiss lasted longer, his mouth moving slowly with mine. We weren't in a rush. We were just enjoying being together.

"I've got something to tell you. I've been waiting for the right moment, but I guess I won't find a better one than now so here it is." His fingers lingered on my cheek as he took a deep breath. I was getting curious.

"You know I love you, right? I think I've loved you ever since the day I understood what love meant. And I know what I'm going to say is going to sound cheesy, but hey. This is the only time I can do cheesy without getting hell for it." Wait. Did he actually look nervous? I couldn't recall the last time Jacob had been nervous about anything. What he had to tell me suddenly became very interesting.

"I know for sure that you're my life. I mean, people say that soul mates and this love at first sight shit doesn't happen except in fairy tales. But I know you're it for me, Bells. I don't need any of this wolf business to know what I want. I know that every time I think of you, it makes me smile, and every time you're not around, you're the only person I can think of. The guys say that I'm whipped. I don't care. If being whipped means that I can have you all for myself, then I don't mind. I love you so much and I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you so…"

_Oh my God_. I gasped, both of my hands flying up to cover my open mouth. He reached for something in his pocket, still looking incredibly nervous. If I understood what he was getting to, I totally got why he was being unsure of my reaction. I felt a smile spread under my hands when he opened his fist.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and before you say anything, I know that you're not a big fan of marriage and all because of your mom, but you'd make me the happiest and luckiest man in the world if you would be my wife."

I couldn't stop staring at the ring he was holding. It was small, it was silver. It was perfect. It was something I would wear with pride. It was something I would brag about. It was something I couldn't wait to show everyone.

"Bella? It's okay if you don't…"

"Yes. I mean, yes! Of course, I'll marry you!" I choked back the sobs that threatened to escape. I wasn't so lucky with the tears that started to run down my cheeks. I couldn't believe what was happening to me. This had been the last thing on my mind. I didn't even think about it.

"I love you! Of course I'll marry you, Jake. Yes, a thousand times yes!" I threw my arms around his neck, hugging him as close as I could. I heard him exhale a sigh of relief before hugging me back, crushing my body. I was engaged. To Jacob. I was going to get married.

"I thought you were going to say no there for a second."

"I'm sorry. I was just too stunned. I have nothing against marrying _you_. Don't worry."

"Do you want to see your ring?" he asked, smiling back at me with a grin so big it was bound to hurt him at some point. I was pretty sure the same was plastered on my face. Jacob grabbed my left hand, the ring slipping easily on my finger. I was shaking with emotion as I held my hand close to my now dry eyes to take a closer look.

"That's a real diamond, you know."

"It's perfect, Jake. And even if you hadn't gotten me a diamond, it would have been perfect."

"It's an engagement ring. Engagement rings have diamonds." He nodded at his own words, visibly pleased that I liked what he had bought me. I wouldn't even have cared if he hadn't bought me a ring. "Oh, and before I forget, this belongs to you, as well."

"Oh! I thought I'd lost this one! Where did you find it?" I exclaimed when he handed a ring that had been missing for a couple of months. I was pretty upset that I'd lost it since it was one of my favorites. It made me almost as happy to have this one back as it had made me to get my new one.

"Well… I needed to know your ring size to buy the right one so… I kind of borrowed this one from you…"

"Come here…" I motioned from him to kiss me, not even angry that he had "borrowed" my ring. I didn't think anything could upset me tonight. Tonight was perfect. We kissed for what seemed to be forever, our mouths going slow. Eventually, we pulled away, but only to rest our foreheads against each other.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For saying yes. For making me happier than I've ever been. For agreeing to spend the rest of your life with a man who doesn't know how to correctly fold his clothes."

"I'll teach you."

"I'm looking forward to that. Hey! We have to celebrate now! So… I don't know if you're aware but diamonds are some fucking expensive stuff and, well, I didn't have a lot of money left…"

I laughed out loud when I saw what he pulled out of the picnic basket he had put together before leaving my mother's house. He poured some Malibu into two plastic cups, and handed one to me. This drink was ranking high on the list of my favorite alcohol.

"To my awesome fiancé."

"To my incredible soon-to-be wife."

* * *

_**Friday 27****th****, March, 2014.**_

"Earth to Bella. Are you okay, honey?" Jacob clasped his fingers in front of me, bringing me back from my day dream. I was smiling fondly in remembrance, my fingers toying with the two rings on my left hand.

"Yes, I'm fine. I was just thinking about how great your proposal was."

"It was pretty awesome, wasn't it?" He grinned at me, and grabbed the bottle back from my hands to kiss me. "And don't worry. I bought some Coke for you. I just wanted to buy the same alcohol to remind you."

"I wasn't aware that people celebrated engagement anniversaries."

"I don't give a sh… I don't care what people do. I'm celebrating our two years engagement anniversary. Besides, I need some kind of distraction tonight, and I have some pretty big stuff to tell you."

"Oh yes? What kinds of things?" I sat down on the couch while he was busy getting glasses from the kitchen. The rain hadn't stopped and was patting faintly on the roof. The dog raised her head when I entered the living room, but went back to sleep immediately after. I hadn't been standing for very long, yet it felt good to be off my feet again. I was going to have Jacob bring me dinner here, and then he would carry me to the bed. I didn't intend on walking again tonight.

"It involves your cousin and Embry. Quil stopped by the garage this afternoon… Here let me help you." He handed me the glass of Coke, and knelt down to take my shoes off. As soon as my feet were freed, I sighed in relief. Jacob sat down next to me, the bottle in his hand. He hadn't bothered with a glass. Alcohol did nothing to him so he didn't have to be careful. He took one long sip of the drink, wiped his mouth, and smiled at me as if he was going to tell me a big secret.

"Quil told me that yesterday, he was coming back home from some stuff at school, and he walked in on Embry and Beth… kissing."

"He what?" I choked on my drink. Quil must have been lying, and Jacob was too dumb to believe him. That didn't sound like my husband, though. "You mean, my cousin Beth? The one who said she was done with boys?"

"I know, right? I guess the imprint was too hard to resist, especially 'cause they're living under the same roof."

"What else did Quil say?"

"He said they were pretty embarrassed they'd been caught, but they didn't seem to care so much. At least, it didn't look like Embry had been forcing himself on her."

"Please, he knows better than that by now. I so have to call her now! I want to know everything!" If this was true, I was happy for Beth. She deserved to be loved again. I was a little surprised that it hadn't taken long to get over her heartbreak. But Jacob was right; it was hard to resist an imprint. And Embry had been pretty set on winning her over, no matter what.

"Hold on there, Bells. Tonight's our own celebration. You're not going anywhere." Jacob grabbed my waist to keep me from moving. Even if I had wanted to, I didn't think I could have stood up by myself. Instead, I leaned against him, letting his hand sneak around my waist to rest on my belly. He took another big sip from his bottle.

"I'm really happy for her. She deserves it."

"Of course she does, after what the other assh… idiot did to her. But you're not the one who's going to have to deal with all the thoughts that are going to run through his head now." He wrinkled his nose in disgust.

It made me laugh once again. Not only did Jacob have to deal with the thoughts from Seth's head, but he would have to put up with the naughty thoughts that would soon invade Embry's mind. Poor Jacob.

* * *

Awwww. I know. There's a pic of Bella's engagement ring on my profile page.

-I know FF has been fail lately, story alerts didn't get sent and we had a hard time reviewing. But, it had been brought to my attention that I had a total of 486 Visitors for the last chapter, which is completely awesome. What is less awesome, is that only 11 of you reviewed. Now, I now sometimes it's hard, my phone doesn't let me review either most of the time. This story is winding down as you can imagine since we're nearing Bella's due date, and I would love to know what you think of the story. Even if it's to say that it sucks or that I could do better. Feedback is the best to help me improve even if it's for stories I'll write in the future. I write this fic for me because I'm in love with it, but I write for you guys, too. A little pat on the back would be great *winks*

!ATTENTION! Anyone from **Rhode Island**? Or New England in general? If so, raise your hand, please. I'm going to Providence next year and I would love to know more about the area from people who really live there. Wikipedia is great but not amazing.

-Don't forget that I'm writing a sexy outtake from the _Kangaroo_ for **Fandom4Tsunami**. If you haven't donated yet, you can still go to the website to do so. I posted a teaser as well as a banner over there, too. The one shot is called _**July**_. If you remember the beginning of the story, you should know what it refers to ;) http : / / fandomfightstsunami (.) blogspot (.) com /

**Chapter 38: Truth or Dare.**

**"You aren't ugly, huge, or gross. Kim and Emily have already been through pregnancies, and the guys know better than to tease you. They won't say anything. Besides, Beth and Angela are coming, too. It's their first pack night. Don't you want to be around to keep them from thinking that we are a bunch of retarded kids?"**


	40. Chapter 38

Many thanks to my beta, **WolfGirlatHeart**. And many thanks to the people who review :)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except baby Leah's awesome stuffed wolf, Storm ;)

Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 38 Truth or Dare? **

_**Thrusday, 9th of April. **_

_**Bella's PoV. **_

I was aware that there was some noise in the room. It must be coming from the TV. I vaguely remembered watching some lame show to pass the time before I started to feel tired, and closed my eyes. It took everything I had to open them again. It was very dark in the living room, as if I hadn't turned on the lights before. Truth be told, I hadn't needed them. This had been a rare day when the sun shone brightly. The weather wasn't warm, but the sun was already a big improvement.

When I sat up straighter on the couch, I glanced behind my shoulder to realize that yes, the afternoon had flown by during my nap. My sleep schedule was totally off. It took me forever to fall asleep at night, especially as I couldn't seem to find the correct position to lessen the pain in my lower back. Then, I would fall asleep in the middle of the day. It was no wonder I was an insomniac most nights.

I rubbed my belly unconsciously when the baby kicked from the inside. I had heard at the hospital that some babies stopped moving and kicking around the time of their birth. Mine wasn't one of those. It was almost time to come out and he was kicking me all he wanted. I was due in less than one week; even though the doctor said it was likely to take less than that. I wasn't looking forward to the delivery room, but I was very much looking forward to finally holding my baby. She had said we could rush things if it became too painful for me. I didn't intend on following her advice. The baby would come when it was ready.

It took me several minutes to manage to stand up from the couch by myself. I should have just stuck with sitting in a chair. Somehow, I didn't think I would have been able to get any rest that way. My eyes fell on the open laptop on the coffee table. The open document wasn't even saved. My memory was less foggy as I was waking up, and I remembered that I had been writing before feeling sleepy. But I didn't want to have to bend down to get to its level. I wasn't even sure I would be able to bend down. Jacob would do it for me when he got home.

A quick look at the clock showed me that it was time to start cooking dinner. Jacob was always starving after work. I didn't want to make him wait although he often scolded me for not taking it easy and rest more. We could order pizzas or Chinese food all we wanted. He never turned his back to junk food. I liked cooking for him, though. It was the highlight of my boring days, except I hadn't thought of what to cook tonight. After making my way to the kitchen, painfully slow, I stared at the fridge for a long moment without having the slightest idea what to do.

There was nothing appealing to me. Sure, I was hungry, but I couldn't decide what would make me happy. Jacob would eat anything I prepared, minus some kinds of vegetables. I sighed loudly, sat down in the nearest chair, and decided what I wanted was a hamburger. I didn't have anything to make them at home. We would just have to go into town. No. I would ask Jacob to go into town. I was huge, and I didn't want anyone to see me like that. The house was my sanctuary until further notice.

I reached for my cell phone in the pocket of my cardigan, ready to text him to let him know. Before I could push one key, the roar of his bike neared the house. It didn't take him long to barge into the house, push the dog away, and find me.

"Hi!" he exclaimed, smiling brightly. Actually, the highlight of my day was Jacob coming home. It was nice to talk to another human being after having spent the day by myself. He always looked so happy to see me. Sometimes, you could easily forget he had problems when he looked at you like that. It made me feel more special, as if I was the only one who could bring him some joy. "How are you? How was your day? How's the baby?"

"One question at a time," I laughed at his enthusiasm. He bent down to kiss my cheek softly, his hand resting on my belly, saying hello to the little one inside. "I'm fine. My back's killing me and these false contractions won't stop, but I'm fine. My day was boring. I did get some writing done, though. And the baby's fine. Still kicking like a champion."

"Good. Are you sure these contractions are normal? Shouldn't we go to the hospital?" Over the past few months, I would have almost forgotten how protective and worried Jacob could be when it came to my pregnancy. It wasn't as bad as it had been after my fall at Thanksgiving. I didn't mind. The first time I had gotten these crazy-named contractions, I had been so scared I had called Sue in the middle of the night to ask her if it was normal. My dad wasn't really pleased with me.

"You were here when Sue said it was totally fine. And the doctor said the exact same thing. I'm okay. My body's just getting ready for the birth," I explained again, quoting from the nurse at the hospital.

"I don't like it. You're hurting."

"Oh, trust me. I think that's nothing compared to the pain of the delivery itself. I kind of wish I could skip this part." Jacob frowned, visibly upset about this.

"You're gonna get that medicine to numb the pain, right? You're not doing it the old-fashioned way?"

"Of course I am. But it doesn't mean I'm not going to suffer. And stop making that face, Jake. I knew all along what it was going to be like. It's not your fault. I don't blame you for it… Not yet."

He snorted and kissed my forehead another time before sitting down in the chair next to me. He stretched his arms far over his head, yawning soundly. I had to tell him about my dinner plan soon or he wouldn't want to get up from the chair again.

"I have some good news about work," he said at the same time as I opened my mouth. I shut up. "The boss said the garage in Port Angeles is almost built. I mean, he has the building and all already. He just needs to buy some more adequate material. And he needs to hire people. I don't think that's gonna be a problem, though. But he said he really wants me to take charge of the one here in La Push."

That was some very exciting news. I remember squealing like a little girl the day he announced it to me last month. After all the time and energy Jacob had spent in this garage, it was only natural to reward him. A better job and a better pay check were the best ways to do so in my opinion.

"That's awesome, Jake. I'm really happy for you. What will you have to do then?"

"Well, first he said I needed to take some managing classes to know what I'm getting myself into. It feels weird knowing I have to go back to school. I don't really want to." I had never stopped thinking that it was sad that he never got the chance to go to college. Of course, he wouldn't have been able to enroll in a big university, but he could have taken some classes in Port Angeles. He wasn't an idiot. He had great grades in high school, especially in History and Math. He didn't have a choice about what he did after graduating. He had to take care of Billy. Family came first for him. He already had a good job, so why waste time listening to teachers and writing papers when you could earn real money after all?

"It's good for you, Jake. Higher education can get you better jobs in the future, you know. Do you know when you're starting the course?"

"Don't know yet. He said I could either go to the community college in Port Angeles or do them online. I don't know what's best at the moment, with you and the baby almost here… He gave me some information about it so I guess I'll look at it later. But the job's mine. That's for sure."

"That's great. You deserve it." He couldn't stop grinning. It made me happy, too. It was hard not to smile when you witnessed such a flashy one in front of you.

"Thanks. I hope I'll still be able to get under the hood of some cars."

"You'll be the boss. You can do anything you want, sweetie." His grin got bigger. He was about to add something else, but the ringtone from his cell cut him short. It took him less than one minute to read the text, and reply to whoever had sent it. I wish I was as fast as he was.

"Rachel and Paul can't come tonight. Bummer. Everybody else is gonna be here."

"Gonna be where?" Was there a meeting I hadn't been made aware of? It didn't sound like it. Paul wasn't part of the pack anymore so he didn't need to attend meetings except when there was something big going on. And if it had been a pack meeting, Rachel wouldn't have come around just for that. Or to see her brother. She rarely came around anyway.

"Sam and Emily are inviting everybody to their house tonight for a remake of our teenage nights. I didn't tell you?"

"No, you didn't. Jake! You're being mean!" I exclaimed, realizing that he had forgotten to tell me on purpose. I reached forward to slap his leg. He wouldn't stop smiling like an idiot. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I knew you wouldn't want to come, and that'd be a shame. We're going to have fun."

"But I'm huge. And I feel ugly and gross. I don't want people seeing me this way." I was pouting like a child, which made him laugh even more. It wasn't very nice to make fun of me. Jacob got up from his chair to kneel down next to me.

"You aren't ugly, huge, or gross. Kim and Emily have already been through pregnancies, and the guys know better than to tease you. They won't say anything. Besides, Beth and Angela are coming, too. It's their first pack night. Don't you want to be around to keep them from thinking that we are a bunch of retarded kids?"

My plans for the evening were being destroyed with every word he said. He was on the verge of begging me to go. And he knew I would surrender in the end. It seemed to make him genuinely happy to go see his brothers, to spend some time joking around and not thinking about his father. Who was I to deny him such thing? I liked the guys, too, anyway. Jacob was right, I may have fun as well. One sigh from me was enough to make him understand that we were going to Sam's. He leaned over to hug me. His breath tickled my cheek as he whispered "thank you" against my skin.

"We don't have to stay all night. If you're too tired, we can come home early. You just tell me."

I nodded, and Jacob bounced out of the kitchen to go have a quick shower. When I thought about it, it was probably the very last night out with our friends we would get in a long time. I might as well make the best of it. I just hoped Emily had prepared junk food the boys liked. I was in the mood for junk food.

* * *

If I had known we were going out tonight, I would have done something for Emily, like bring some food. I remembered too well how it was to have to feed these giant teenagers. They hadn't really changed these days except for those who had stopped phasing. Jacob was learning to control his hunger, but I bet that Embry and Quil spent most of their income on food.

Since Jacob had "forgotten" to tell me anything, he simply grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge. He said it was enough, and that nobody expected me to do anything over the top, given my condition. We didn't live far away from their house so we were there in less than five minutes. It was relatively quiet, which must mean that not everyone had arrived yet. I turned out to be right.

When Emily opened the door, Jared, Kim and Sam were sitting on the couch, watching little Jason tell a story about school. The words were coming out of his mouth so fast half of what he was saying didn't make sense. It didn't stop them from nodding, and laughing with him any time they thought it was appropriate. They all had good experience with toddlers and kids. Jacob soon joined the small audience, causing the little boy to start his story all over again.

Emily was feeding baby Leah her bottle, but the girl seemed to have had enough. She looked so much like Sam, like a mini replica, with the same eyes, the same nose and the same mouth. She made the cutest noises in response to the exaggerated sounds coming from her brother as he described how the fire truck had lost its tiny wheel in the bush, and they had to dig through it with their _hands_ to find it. Leah was a cute baby. It was moments like this one that made me think that having the kangaroo wasn't going to be so sad, that I wouldn't suffer too much, and that I would be awarded with the best present in the world.

I couldn't help smiling at her trying to wriggle out of her mother's arms to see what was going on behind her. She was six months already, and she was curious of all that happened around to her. She turned her head back in my direction when she heard me laugh. My heart melted even more as she tilted her little face to take a better look at me. I moved closer, resting my weight against the back of the large couch. After studying me for a while, Leah smiled as much as she could, a short giggle escaping her lips.

"She likes you," Emily commented, smiling fondly down at her daughter. "Do you want to hold her?"

"Oh, hmmm… I don't know. I don't want to…"

"Do you want Aunt Bella to hold you, Leah? Do you? Yes, you do. Here you go."

"I don't think…" Before I could finish my sentence, Emily had carefully placed the baby in my arms. I cradled the little body against my chest, afraid to let her fall. Leah's head immediately rested in the crook of my neck as she looked up, still very much interested in me. She only looked at her mother once when she didn't feel the familiar warmth around her. But after that, my shirt caught all her attention. She grabbed a handful of it, before deciding that she liked it. She wouldn't let go of it.

"Nice. I can actually take a shower before the others get here." It didn't even occur to me to tell Emily I wouldn't be able to take care of her daughter. I felt like I was more than capable of doing so. Besides, her dad was just a few feet away. I sat down at the table, cradling the back of Leah's head, afraid of hitting her with something. She giggled once again when I placed a soft kiss on the few hairs she had on her head. She was such a happy baby. And I didn't care that she was drooling all over my shirt.

"Are these your toys? Do you want a story?" I asked, knowing she would like whatever I would read to her. My words made her giggle. Or maybe it was the sound of my voice. Anyway, the sounds coming from her mouth had me laughing. I grabbed the most colorful toy book, trying to flip the really thick pages while holding her small body close to my chest. My belly wasn't helpful in this situation. The baby who was inside had decided to stop kicking for the moment, so I could concentrate on the other one snuggled in my arms.

"Look. Molly is looking for her cuddly. She doesn't want to go to sleep without it. See? Her mommy is telling her to go to bed, but Molly doesn't want to."

I turned one page. Leah was listening intently, looking at the bright drawings without knowing what they really meant. "Molly is looking for the cuddly now. Under the table, under the chair. But her cuddly isn't here. Molly doesn't know where to look."

I turned another page. Leah's warm breath was brushing the skin of my neck. "Oh. Molly has an idea. She goes to see if the cuddly is on the couch. But it isn't. Only her daddy is here. He tells her to go to bed, but Molly doesn't want to go without the cuddly. See? She says no with her head."

I turned another page. Leah's tiny hand grabbed my shirt just above my breast. "Now, Molly is looking for the cuddly in her room. But it isn't here either. Molly is very sad. She's sure she's lost her cuddly. Look. There are tears in her eyes. She's going to cry. But no! Her mommy doesn't want her to be sad. So she gives Molly a big hug and they go looking for the cuddly together."

I turned another page. Leah yawned faintly in my neck. "Oh. Molly hadn't been looking in the bathroom. Look where the cuddly was! It was in the shower. What a clean cuddly! It had been taking a bath. Look how happy Molly is to have found her cuddly. She wants to go to bed now."

I turned the last page. Leah's grasp on my shirt loosened a bit. "And now, Molly's in bed with her cuddly. She's sleeping. And she's going to dream about amazing adventures now that she has found her friend again."

I closed the book ever so softly, and turned my head enough to see that Leah had her eyelids fluttering closed. She was tired. My voice must have lulled her into sleep. It made me more confident to realize I could have this effect on babies. She hadn't cried once while in my arms. It was good. But now, I was afraid of moving. I didn't want to wake her up. I dropped another kiss on top of her head, sighing. She looked so peaceful.

I felt Jacob's hand on my free shoulder more than I heard him approach. He could be so quiet. The smile on his face was priceless. He was proud of me. He didn't have to say anything to make me understand this.

"See? You're gonna be a wonderful mom," he whispered, before kissing my cheek. Sam was looking at me, too, pretty pleased that his daughter had fallen asleep. You couldn't say the same about Jason who was excited about people coming to his house. I doubted he would want to go to sleep soon.

"So. Is Jason ready to go to bed now?" Emily asked as she came back into the living room, quickly putting her wet hair in a ponytail. I hadn't realized so much time passed while I was engrossed with Leah. And all the others guys were late. Somehow, it didn't surprise me.

"No! Don't wanna to go to bed! I wanna stay here and play!" The little boy stomped his foot, crossing his arms and looking at his father for support.

"We'll see about that. Sam, can you heat up the food in the microwave, please? Bella and I are going to put Leah to bed."

"Are you sure? I don't mean to intrude."

"Don't be silly. You did half the job. Might as well finish it." All right. I had forgotten Emily could be quite bossy when she wanted to. The four others behind me chuckled. I knew better than to protest again. I carefully stood up, Jacob offering his help to steady me. Leah made a tiny muffled sound, but just snuggled closer to me, if it was possible.

The nursery was upstairs, right next to Sam and Emily's bedroom. It was a small room painted in purple with butterfly stickers on the walls. There were toys scattered everywhere, as if someone had played in here all afternoon and hadn't tidied up after them. I was walking slowly, not wanting to step on anything that could make me fall. Emily turned on the mobile hanging over the crib. It started playing a soft lullaby, and displaying fairies on the four walls. Leah stirred in my arms when her mother came close to get her from me. I missed the warmth of the baby as soon as she was gone. Leah cuddled instantly against her mom.

"I don't think we need to change her diaper. I did it not even an hour ago, and I don't want to wake her up now. It'll be hell to get her down again if I do. All right, sweetie. Sweet dreams, baby. Mommy is just leaving for a moment. You won't even miss me. Storm is here to protect you." Emily laid Leah in the crib, pulling the little blanket over her daughter, and pushing a stuffed wolf closer. I assumed this was Storm. "I love you, baby."

I felt out of place, witnessing what seemed like a private moment. I averted my gaze to the toys at my feet. Emily didn't notice at all, and after a few seconds, she stepped away from the crib to grab the baby monitor. There was a commotion downstairs. She cringed, hurrying out of the room. I followed, closing the door to keep the racket away.

"Guys! There's a baby sleeping in here! You need to keep the noise down!" There was immediate silence at Emily's words. Quil, Embry and Seth all shut up at the same time. Jacob hurried up the stairs to help me down. He was still scared I could fall down if I did it by myself.

"Sorry, Emily."

"Don't do it again. And Jason, now it's really time to go to bed."

"But no! I said I didn't want to! Daddy! I want to watch a movie, too!" His parents were having none of it, but when it appeared that he wasn't going to let them put him down without a fight, it was decided he would stay up a little longer to watch the beginning of the movie. Since he was likely to fall asleep pretty fast, it looked like a good compromise. And I was taking notes on how my friends acted with their children. Who knew? It might be useful one day.

I quickly learned the boys had been fighting over what movie we were going to watch. Beth and Angela were looking at them bickering with curiosity. It was a novelty for them. I bet Beth was more used to it, given that she lived with Quil and Embry already. But it was new for Angela. I was hoping the girls wouldn't mind how juvenile the guys could sometimes get. I wasn't really paying attention to the argument going on. All I wanted was for them to settle on one DVD so we could finally sit down. Jacob nudged my side, getting me to look at Embry's hand clasped around my cousin's while he tried to convince the others his choice was the best. Jacob and I shared a grin.

Quil hadn't been lying when he said he caught the two of them kissing on the couch a couple of weeks ago. I had called Beth the very next morning at the first decent hour. She confirmed everything without hesitation. She said she hadn't really given it any thought. They had been watching TV and talking about silly things. Next thing she knew, her arms were around his neck, and they were kissing. It only seemed natural to them. She had been _shocked_ to realize she didn't mind his kissing, or that she didn't mind being so close to a man again. This was Embry, though. They were made for each other. It would always feel natural between them. It was good to see her smile again.

Beth stuck her tongue out at me when she caught me staring. I returned the favor.

Finally, the guys managed to choose one movie, deciding to keep the second one for another night. The problem of where everyone would sit resurfaced as we all crammed around the couch. The house was small, the living room wasn't big, and there wasn't going to be room for all of us. Sam got the recliner because Jason wanted to sit on his lap, and it would make it easier for him to fall asleep if he was comfortable. I got to sit on one side of the couch, given that I was pregnant and all. Of course, Jacob used this opportunity to state that he had to sit next to me. He didn't want any stupid jerk to make wild movements and hurt me.

After what seemed like forever, they brought chairs from the kitchen for the girls, and the remaining guys sprawled on the floor with bags of chips or bowls of popcorn in their hands. It felt like we had gone a few years back, they had just started phasing, and they would bond over a movie and junk food anytime they got the chance. Emily made me a big chicken sandwich when Jacob said not so subtly that I hadn't had dinner yet. He knew what he was doing: he ended up eating half of it because it was too much for me.

* * *

Of course, we ended up watching a movie about werewolves. It was called _Teen Wolf_, I think. It was kinda old and the make-up was hilarious. Quil spent half the time trying not to laugh at the screen. I spent half the time trying to find a comfortable position. The doctor had assured me that these Braxton-stuff contractions were painless, most of the time. I guess I was one of these unlucky women for whom they hurt. Well, some didn't hurt at all. But a couple did. At least there were few of them. I kept sipping on my water, hoping it would make the pain go away. I wished I could be at home to walk around all I wanted except that I wasn't, and I didn't want to disturb the others.

It was a big relief when the movie finally ended. They all started a loud conversation on how bad it was and that it was a shame Seth had insisted they watched it. That is, until Sam hushed them. Jason had fallen asleep not even ten minutes after the movie had started. He didn't even move when his father carried him to his bedroom. I took the chance to stand up to help Emily clean the room. There were empty bags of chips everywhere, plus all the pop-corn that had made it out of the bowls but not quite in the guys' mouths. You would have thought that at their age, they wouldn't make such a mess.

Walking around lessened the pain in my abdomen. I was tired, though, and couldn't wait to go back home. Jacob would have gladly left if I had asked him to, yet one look at him was enough for me to realize he was enjoying himself. He hadn't been trying to socialize a lot lately, even if it had been almost three months since his dad's death. He didn't seem ready, and I wasn't going to push. It had made him so excited to see his friends tonight that I couldn't bring myself to cut his fun short. I could stay for another hour before asking to be brought home. I knew he wouldn't want to get me home to return to his friends. He would want to stay with me. That's why I decided to wait a little while longer.

"What are we doing now? We need to do something to make up for this disastrous movie or the girls won't want to hang out with us anymore." Embry knew he would bring another loud discussion on by suggesting this. Emily slapped the top of his head as she walked behind him. They had to learn how to keep their voices down.

"We should play a game, like one of those games the kids play in college."

"You've never been to college. How would you know what kids play there?" Quil ignored Sam's comment.

"We can play 'I've never'. I'm gonna go get the beer."

"That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard. You can't get drunk. I don't see the point of wasting more alcohol."

"Geez, man! When did you become so _boring_?" Quil complained, and this time it was Sam's turn to ignore him. Besides, he had a point. Playing a drinking game with half the guys who couldn't feel the effects of alcohol was kind of pointless.

"We could play Truth or Dare," Angela suggested, speaking up for the first time. She had been too engrossed in making out with Seth to bother speaking before. It wasn't something I wanted to see right in front of me while watching the movie. My head had been hidden against Jacob's shoulder for the better part of it. Everybody looked at her, apparently pleased with her idea. I groaned. I wasn't up for any dare, which meant that I would have to answers some truths, and I didn't really want to do that, either. But I sat down in a chair anyway.

"That's an awesome idea, babe. You start!" Seth exclaimed, kissing her soundly on the cheek. I picked on my shirt, ignoring them.

"Just remember there are children sleeping in here. Keep the dares silent, guys," Emily reminded them from the kitchen where she was busy, washing the plates. She should take a break and come play with us. I guess that she didn't necessarily have lots of time to do chores during the day, though.

"Okay. Hmmmm… Jacob. Truth or dare?"

"Truth, I guess."

"What's Bella's worst flaw?" Great. I was the center of attention from the start. She could have at least waited a little bit. And asking Jacob this question wasn't a smart move. Even if his imprinting didn't cloud his mind as much as it did to the others, he still had trouble thinking I wasn't perfect. Sure, I was the perfect girl for him, but it didn't mean I didn't have flaws. He turned around from his spot on the couch to take a better look at me.

"She likes her dog too much. If it was up to her, that dog would sleep in bed with us." He flashed me a brilliant smile in hope that I wouldn't get mad at him. I just shrugged. "My turn now. Sam. Truth or dare?"

"Truth. Definitely truth. You never know what type of dare you'll get."

"Truth it is. When we were younger, what pack member would you have gotten rid of if you had had the chance?" All the guys listened intently, waiting for his answer.

"That's one tough question. But… it would have been Seth."

"Oh, man! Not fair! Why?"

"Because you were younger than them all, and you still had to go to school. That's why. Stop whining. Beth. Truth or dare?" She whipped her head around, not at all embarrassed that she had been interrupted during one of her little moments with Embry. She was sitting on his lap, and they had spent the last ten minutes in their own world, whispering non-stop.

"Truth."

"Now that you know that Embry isn't a psychopath, what do you like the most about him?"

"And you can say dirty things. We're all adults here," Quil added, which earned him dark looks from the two people concerned.

"I like that _he_ doesn't leave his clothes everywhere in the apartment. There. Quil. Truth or dare?"

"Dare. I'm an adventurous guy."

"I dare you to shut up for fifteen minutes." Jacob and Embry hollered with laughter at their friend. Quil just slumped back in his chair, visibly not expecting what had happened. He crossed his arms across his chest, and went to sulk like a kid.

I had to admire the imagination that went through the guys' heads. I would have never thought you could find so many dares that didn't include alcohol or kissing. Jared had to do 50 push-ups in less than one minute. Kim had to stand on one foot for ten seconds, which was already too long. She collapsed on the couch as soon as her foot left the floor. Angela had to give Seth a massage. I didn't think that was a dare in itself, but they let it go anyway.

I was relatively left alone except for one time when I chose truth and had to tell them what names we had chosen for the baby. We hadn't told anybody yet, but they would have known soon enough so it didn't matter. I had expected harder stuff to answer. Embry had to admit that he used to get off on thoughts and fantasies about the hot Math teacher they had in high school. Quil nodded vigorously to show it had been his case, too. Actually, it turned out it had been the same for most of the guys.

"Ah! It's been fifteen minutes! I'm free!" Quil exclaimed, cutting off Emily mid-sentence. She was in the process of asking me something, and Quil just stole her turn. "Bella! Truth or dare?" Knowing him, he was likely to ask a question I didn't want to answer. And being pregnant, there weren't a lot of dares he could make me do. I felt pretty safe in my choice.

"Dare."

"I dare you to drink from Jacob's beer." Silence ensued. Was he serious? Or was he simply dumb?

"Shut up, you idiot. Bells, you don't have to do that." Somehow, a sip of beer didn't seem likely to hurt me. I mean, it wasn't like I had been drinking for the last nine months. One sip wasn't going to hurt the baby, right? It wasn't going to make me sick either, was it? I grabbed the bottle from Jacob's hand to bring it to my mouth. As soon as I felt the liquid in my mouth I pushed it away. It was enough. The small amount of alcohol managed to burn my throat. I wasn't used to it anymore.

"You're an ass, Quil. You're gonna be sorry when you hear about the new patrol schedule." Jacob didn't wait for his friend to protest. He was by my side at once, as if I was going to fall down at any moment. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I barely drank anything anyway. But it tastes disgusting. I think I need water." He was out of the room before my sentence was finished to reappear with a full glass in a matter of seconds. I passed my turn to Emily who dared Sam to go dress up in some of her clothes, and to check on the kids at the same time. A battery of cell phones left the confines of jeans pockets in anticipation of the awesome show Sam was going to give us. I laughed so hard when he showed up in a pink jogging suit, wearing the most uncomfortable face ever, that it made me have cramps. But it was too funny, and the pain was gone almost instantly. Sam didn't think it was funny _at all_. He was never going to live it down.

"Seth. Truth or dare."

"Truth. After what you just had to do, you bet I'm picking truth."

"I should have done the same thing. My wife's a traitor. Okay. What's the weirdest thing you ever saw? And that excludes vampires and werewolves, of course. You're a cop. You must have witnessed plenty of weird things."

"Wow. Tough question. But it had nothing to do with my job, actually. I think the weirdest thing of all was when I saw my sister kissing another girl."

I promptly choked on my water, but nobody seemed to notice. They were all looking at Seth like he had grown a second head. What was he thinking? I felt my cheeks get pinker as I busied myself by wiping the drops of water on my neck. I didn't want to look at him in the eye.

"Leah did _what_? Come on, Seth. She wouldn't have done something like that!"

"We would have seen it somewhere in your mind or hers. It's not something you can hide! That's too big. You're lying."

"Was it when we were together? I mean, I don't care, but did she cheat on me with _a girl_?"

"That's hot. And it sounds like something she could have done if she was pissed."

"But in front of her brother? Sick."

"You shouldn't talk about my cousin like that, boys. She did whatever she wanted. Be respectful." Emily stopped the cacophony of voices that had started to rise. I couldn't even really pinpoint who had said what. As long as they focused on Leah… I cleared my throat, attempting to take part in the discussion. I didn't have trouble looking shocked. I was absolutely shocked Seth had said what he said. Unfortunately, my eyes met Quil's, and I could see the wheels turning in his head.

"Hold on… I don't think he's talking about Leah…" Oh no. Shut up. _Shut up_.

"Who else then? Seth only had one sis… Oh my God! Bella! I knew you had it in you, girl!" Embry was grinning at me like the idiot he was. Every single pair of eyes in the room landed on my burning face. I was going to kill Seth later, preferably after the baby's birth. I wanted to hit him hard for embarrassing me like this.

"You jerk. Couldn't you have chosen something else?" I muttered, avoiding eye contact, especially with Jacob who looked shocked, but interested. He would want to know more. I didn't want to tell more. I wanted to die.

"It wouldn't have been the truth then. I'm sorry. I didn't say it was you. It's not my fault they figured it out."

"Did you really do that, Bella?" I nodded, not wanting to have this conversation. "In college? I bet it was in college." I nodded again. "Don't worry, honey. It's fine. It's kinda hot, actually," Jacob whispered in my ear, hugging me to give me a break from everybody else. His embrace was comforting. I wished some aspects of my college life had stayed buried in my memories forever. I hadn't had a choice anyway. I mean, when someone dares you to kiss another girl and you've already drunk so much you don't remember where you live, you don't care about what you do. You only regret it when you see the pictures the next day. God, I hoped those pictures had been burned, and were never going to resurface.

I clung to Jacob's arm with all my strength, afraid to face the others again. I didn't think I could stand the snickering. Quil must have had something against me tonight. He was going to be the worse. I knew that when his next turn would come, he would ask me a truth I didn't want to answer. So, I stood up, excusing myself to the bathroom, which wasn't a lie in itself.

"Ugh. Stupid Seth. Stupid Quil," I mumbled under my breath, my hands gripping the sink as I looked at the mirror. My whole face had turned bright red. Not pink, red. And I could feel my cheeks burning. My heartbeat was wild as well. If I could disappear and never go back in Emily's living room, I would do so. I should have asked Jacob to bring me home earlier. If I hadn't been around, they may not have come to the conclusion that Seth was talking about me. Ugh. What an idiot.

He knew I didn't like it when he reminded me of the crazy things I used to do in college. It was bad enough to live knowing he had witnessed most of them. He said he never thought about it while patrolling as Jacob had issued an order that prevented him from thinking of me back when I had broken up with him. I guess this order was still running. But it didn't mean he could suddenly decide to tell the others about these facts of my life. Now, they were going to want to know more. I didn't want to tell them more. I wanted them to forget about what Seth had said. I wanted to forget about what I had done.

"If you hadn't done this in the first place, you wouldn't be feeling mortified now. _You're_ the idiot, Bella," I said to my reflection in the glass. I was an idiot. Ugh. I splashed cold water on my face before turning around to sit on the toilet for a few minutes.

"Holy shit!" I cursed when a strong pain sprang suddenly in my lower back. I almost lost my balance, my hand gripping the cabinet next to the shower. There was a loud noise as things inside clattered under the strength from which I had slapped my hand on it. This was different. This was painful. This wasn't good. After what seemed like forever of not being able to breathe, the pain lessened, leaving me panting.

"Oh my God. No. Not here." I stayed still, trying to catch my breath. I grabbed the cell in my pocket. It wasn't as good as a watch but it would have to do. What did the doctor say already? I couldn't seem to remember what the doctor said. All I knew was that I had to time and wait. Maybe this one was just a false one like the others, simply stronger? How long did she say I would have to wait until a new one already? It was too early. It wasn't time yet. It had been a false contraction.

"Bella? Is everything okay in there? We heard some noise." Emily asked, knocking on the door.

"Yes, yes I'm fine. I lost my balance, that's all. I'll be out soon. I just need some time to myself."

"Don't let these kids embarrass you. You and I will find something even more ridiculous to make them do."

"Thanks, Emily." I heard her walk back to the living room. My eyes focused on the phone screen. The minutes passed, and nothing came. After ten minutes, I decided it was only a false alarm. Jacob was going to freak out if I didn't join the group soon.

My back was killing me with every step I took. It was time to go back home. I loved Jacob, and I wanted him to have fun, but enough was enough. I wasn't enjoying myself anymore, and I was hurting. The one thing that could make me happy at the moment was a warmth bath and going to bed. It was getting late.

Unfortunately for me, before I could expect it, another contraction started, exactly the same way as the one before. I braced myself against the wall, not managing to handle it any better this time. My breath got stuck in my throat, and I moaned in pain. This wasn't good. How long had it been? Ten minutes? What was I supposed to do now?

"Hey, Bells! I was going to come get you. Wait… What's wrong? Are you sick? Dude! I told you, you shouldn't have made her drink!" Jacob exclaimed when he saw my face. I bet I wasn't as red as earlier. I must have been white by now. I was still holding the wall, not trusting myself to stay upright without it. The pain had gone, and I was trying to breathe again. This was more painful than anything that I had imagined. Quil got slapped on the head.

"Hey! I couldn't know she would get sick!"

"She's pregnant, jackass! Of course she's gonna be sick! How old are you seriously, to think it was funny? Ten?"

"Well, his girlfriend's ten so I guess he's the same age," Embry chimed in. He got slapped on the head by Quil.

"She's _not_ my girlfriend. And she didn't even…"

"Shut up. All of you. Are you all right, Bella?" Kim asked, standing up from her chair. Concern was written all over her face. I took one deep breath to attempt to speak.

"I think… I think… I think I'm having the baby."

The silence in the room was deafening. My eyes found Jacob's as I tried to smile weakly. He dropped his beer which crashed to the floor, breaking into millions of tiny pieces.

* * *

What? I told you the baby was getting my birth date. You should have been expecting it ;)

I wrote a complete new one shot called_** I'm Coming Home **_for Fandom4Storms. I have friends who live in the states hit by the tornados, and I think that everybody who can help, should definitely do it. If you want to donate, help, and then be able to read my one shot and lots of other amazing stuff, just go to the Fandom4Storms page and see the details (http : / / fandom4stormrelief (.) tumblr (.) com / Donations)

If you liked the chapter, you know what's next (click on this little button below) ;)


	41. Chapter 39

Thank you to **_jkane180_** for beta'ing this chapter. You rock :)

Thank you all for the reviews. And before you read, you should know that I couldn't bring myself to choose whether the baby would be a boy or a girl. So I tossed a coin for it ;)

Enjoy.

* * *

**39. And the Winner is…**

**Thursday 9th/Friday 10th, April.**

"_I think… I think… I think I'm having the baby."_

_The silence in the room was deafening. My eyes found Jacob's as I tried to smile weakly. He dropped his beer, which crashed to the floor, breaking into millions of tiny pieces. _

**Jacob's PoV.**

Quil was an idiot; we all knew it. But, sometimes, he surprised us all by doing something even worse than what we expected. Tonight was one of these times. Only he could have the stupid idea to make Bella drink beer. I mean, I was aware that what she'd drunk couldn't hurt her in any way. She had been so careful not to drink at all, even on the day of our wedding. It didn't matter that it couldn't hurt her. You had to be stupid to ask a pregnant woman to drink alcohol, that's all.

Apart from this moron I called my friend, I was enjoying my evening. The movie hadn't been so bad. It was funny, and I needed to laugh. It had been too long since the last time I got to spend some time with my friends. With the baby due in just a few days, it wasn't likely to happen again any time soon. I was getting a little bit scared about the birth. It was exciting to know I was finally going to hold the baby in my arms, but at the same time, I didn't want to screw up anything. Lots of people would be around to help us, people with experience, and yet, I had this growing fear I wouldn't know how to take care of my kid. Bella said it was foolish to think this way because I was going to be an amazing father. I hoped she was right.

The first thing that passed through my mind when she came back from the bathroom was that she was sick. And it was because of Quil. He was going to pay for this. He simply didn't think of the consequences, and if it was a joke, it hadn't been funny. I hadn't seen anybody laugh. Bella was holding the wall with one hand, the other one pressed on her lower abdomen, as if she was trying to keep something inside. She was in pain; it was written all over her face. She was white as a sheet, which reminded me of Thanksgiving when she fell down the stairs at Charlie's. It had been one of the worst days of my life. I had been so scared for her and the baby. To see the same expression in her eyes tonight brought back the same feelings.

Then she spoke up, looking at me and only me, her lips forming a small smile while my brain tried to process the information. I'd heard the words all right; I just couldn't believe them. The doctor had said the birth may happen sooner than the due date, given that Bella'd had complications during her pregnancy. It was one thing to know it, and a complete different thing to live it. I wasn't prepared for what she said. I froze, only to be brought out of my shock by the sound of the bottle of beer crashing to the floor.

"Oh, shit! You _what_? Do we have to go to the hospital? We _so_ have to! I'm getting the car and…"

"Calm down, Jacob. You're not going anywhere yet," Kim cut me off. She looked like she was at work. She walked calmly to Bella, leaving me clueless about what I was supposed to do. We needed to go to the hospital. If Bella was right and she was having the baby, there was only one place where I would feel safe for her. It was the hospital. I stepped forward, crushing glass with my feet. I had to take care of the spilled beer under the table, too. Not before I was sure Kim was taking care of Bella for me, though.

"Breathe slowly. Yes, like they told you in class. That's good. It should go away. Tell me when it's not painful anymore. Breathe."

"It… hurts. I can't… breathe." Shit. Bella was hurting. Even if Kim was a nurse, this house wasn't a good place to have a baby. Shit. Bella was having the baby. My mind was racing so fast, my thoughts were a huge mess. What was more deafening was the silence in the room. Nobody was speaking except for the two girls. The others were all looking at them and at me, not really knowing what they had to do. Granted, I wasn't sure of my role either. I knew I had to drive to the hospital, help Bella breathe, and tell her she was doing good. But I wanted a doctor by my side to make me feel more secure.

"You can. Breathe in… breathe out. You can do it, Bella."

"Okay…" she said after she managed to talk again without wincing. "I think it's gone for now. Damn, it hurts." She was panting hard. I wanted to take the pain away from her. It was going to be like hell, watching her hurt. I'd heard labor could go on for hours. I didn't want to have her suffering for so long. I wasn't going to be able to stand it.

"How long since your last one?"

"I don't know. Ten minutes, maybe? I timed with my phone, and it's not really accurate."

"Any other before that?"

"I don't think so. I mean, a few hurt earlier, but I just assumed they were false ones, too. Do you think they were real ones? Am I really in labor?" Bella seemed to be panicking as well. Her face was still constricted in pain, her eyes looking for me. It took me less than two strides to be by her side to support her weight with my arm. Her heartbeat was wild, like she had just run a marathon.

"Can we go to the hospital now?" I was getting impatient. Kim shot me a look that dared me to shut up. My wife was having a baby, so I wasn't going to shut up.

"You don't know how far along she is. Come on, Bella, we're going to go somewhere more private. You can come along, Jacob." You bet I was coming along. I wasn't leaving Bella's side until the baby was safely out of her belly. I followed them to the kitchen, aware of all the whispering behind us.

"I'm gonna clean that stuff on the floor, Em. I'm sorry."

"You're staying here with your wife. It's fine. Someone else can do it," Emily assured me, resting her hand on my arm and squeezing in comfort. It must have been written all over my face that I was scared. "Here, Quil. Clean the floor, please." She tossed him a dishrag that he grabbed mechanically. "It's going to be all right, Jake. Kim knows what she's doing."

"I don't understand why we can't go to the hospital. It would be much safer there." I felt hopeless, so out of place. Maybe a little excited, too. All these feelings at once were a little bit too much for me.

"They won't take her in at the hospital until we know for sure that labor's started. It looks like it, but it could take hours before the contractions pick up pace. Did your water break, Bella?"

"No." She was clutching the table with both hands, not wanting to sit down. I decided that even if I didn't know what to do, I knew perfectly well where my place was. It was next to Bella, holding her hand. She had to know I was here for her. I grabbed her hand to realize that her body was shaking. She looked up at me, still attempting to smile, as if _she_ wanted to reassure _me_. We didn't have to talk to understand each other.

"You need to call your doctor then. I'd say you can wait before checking in, but I don't know your history. Jacob! Call her doctor."

You didn't want to argue with Kim when she was using this voice and looking at you like you were a child who had been caught doing something extremely forbidden. I reluctantly let go of Bella to fish my cell phone out of pocket. After a couple of rings, someone picked up the phone. Bella's doctor had told us we could call this number whenever we thought we had to. It was very late, and by the sound of her voice, she'd been sleeping.

"Er… Hi. It's Jacob Black… Bella's husband… I'm calling because Bella thinks she's having the baby now, and we don't know whether we have to go to the hospital… or not."

"_Get her on the phone now."_ The doctor seemed to be awake all of a sudden.

"Sure. She wants to talk to you."

Bella grabbed the phone from me.

"Hi, doctor. I'm sorry we're calling so late. I just… yes, I think… A couple of them… My friend's a nurse, and she says it looks like it… Ten minutes, maybe more… No. It was very different. These were really painful… No, it didn't. Do you think I should… Oh, shit!" This wasn't meant for the doctor. I had never heard Bella say this particular word in public. I actually didn't think it had ever been a part of her language. She clutched the table harder with her free hand, bending down in pain. She looked like the air had been knocked out of her. Was this what having a contraction looked like? It was killing me to see her like this and to not be able to do anything about it.

"I can't breathe… I'm trying! Ugh. It hurts… I can't… I really can't. I…" But she knew what she was supposed to do. These classes we had gone to had prepared her for this moment. We had spent hours breathing in rhythm. It had made us look a little ridiculous to tell you the truth. Once or twice, we'd had to step outside of the room because we couldn't stop laughing. Bella knew she had to breathe, and she knew how to. If she couldn't get it under control, then she very much needed me to get her to the hospital soon.

Her grasp on my hand tightened. She couldn't hurt me, but it was clear she could have crushed it if I had been a simple human. I was probably supposed to tell her what to do, to guide her or something, given that I wasn't suffering like she was. All I could do was watch, praying the pain would go away, until Kim pushed me out of the way to do her job. I felt stupid for not being able to help. Someone pushed the phone back in my hand so I could talk to the doctor. I didn't care what she would say. When Bella was be able to walk again, we were going to Forks. They had to give her something for the pain.

"_Jacob? Is that you?"_

"Sorry, I'm here. Bella can't talk at all. She has to come to the hospital, right?"

"_Yes. I want to at least see her. She's had complications before. Bring her right in. And Jacob?"_

"Yes?"

"_Don't panic. It'll only stress her more. Remember what you've learned. Help her breathe. She knows how. She's scared, and she needs some time. It's your job to make sure she's doing okay during labor. It's your job to tell her she needs to breathe. You have to support your wife. Do not panic. That isn't supportive."_

"Okay." She said something about meeting us at the hospital, and she hung up. I couldn't panic. I had to be strong for Bella. I wasn't the one who was going to have to push the baby out of my body after all. This was all about Bella -about Bella feeling calm, about Bella being able to go through the pain. And I was going to be next to her to help her with everything. It was my job so I wasn't going to screw up anything.

I turned around to tell the girls what the doctor wanted, which was exactly what I wanted, too. I didn't care how much it cost to spend the night at the hospital to go through contractions. I didn't care about the money at the moment. The baby and Bella would always matter most. Bella reached for my hand, clutching it tightly before standing straighter. Her breathing was labored, but she didn't seem to be in as much pain as a few minutes ago.

We were out of Emily's house faster than I'd thought possible. I vaguely remembered saying bye to everyone, promising Beth or maybe Angela to call to let them know how things were going. Bella even took the time to apologize to Emily for ruining the night. If she hadn't been pregnant, and actually having a baby, I think her friend would have scolded her for saying something like that. She hadn't ruined anything. It was such a Bella thing to apologize for going into labor.

"It's going to be all right, Bells. You know it. I'm here, and everything is going to be just fine." She hadn't talked at all since I started the car. She was looking right in front of her in the dark night, her hands spread on her stomach, and her chest was heaving with each breath she took. She turned her head toward me when I spoke. I was trying to comfort her while trying to calm myself at the same time. This car wasn't fast enough.

"I'm a little bit scared, Jake. It wasn't supposed to happen today. She said it could happen earlier but…"

"It's fine. I'm here, honey. You don't have to be scared of anything. I promise. You're having the baby, Bella. Focus on this. Focus on the fact that soon, you'll be holding the baby in your arms." She grabbed my hand, trying to smile.

"You're not the one who's having these damn contractions, Jake. If I had known it was so painful… Oh, no!" she exclaimed suddenly, looking around frantically. "You have to turn back! I forgot my bag! Turn back!"

I was already halfway to Forks. I wasn't going back home for her bag. It was ready; she had been spending the last week unpacking and packing it every day. It was in our room, next to the bed. I flipped my phone open, trying to keep one eye on the road.

"What are you doing? Put that down! Do you want to have an accident? Ouch, dammit!" The phone was forgotten at once. I'd have to remember to call Seth later at the hospital. Kim wasn't here to deal with Bella. I was alone. The doctor had said I shouldn't panic. Easier said than done. Bella moaned in pain, but there was some improvement. Even if it seemed to cost her a lot, she was breathing through the pain. It had felt stupid in class to breathe with her, but now, it looked like the best thing to do.

I knew I had to pay attention to the time between the contractions to give all the details we could to the doctors. Unfortunately, this piece of information came to my mind after Bella relaxed. I didn't think there was less than fifteen minutes between them. She only had one while we were in the car, and it didn't take me very long to drive to the hospital. I may have been speeding, not that I cared about it. I hit the brakes in front of the entrance as gently as I could.

"What were you doing with your phone? Are you insane, Jake?" She sounded pissed.

I didn't want to fight, so I chose to ignore her, getting out of the car to open her door. She wasn't done, though. I knew it had been a stupid move on my part, but all I could think was that Bella needed something, and I couldn't get it for her. I wanted to please her. I shouldn't have tried to.

"People die when they use their phone while driving! It happens every day! And don't tell me your special abilities or whatever make it easier for you. I'm having a baby, I'm hurting, and all you think of is making a phone call?"

Oh, man. It felt like we were going to be one of these couples who argued even in the delivery room. I was an idiot. Bella slapped my hand away when I reached for her waist to help her walk. She didn't need someone to help her.

"Who did you want to call anyway? Who's more important than me right now? I know where I'm going!" she snapped at me when I showed her she was going in the wrong direction.

All I could do was mutter a small "sorry" and walk with my head down. I knew the best in this situation was to remain silent until she calmed down by herself. I should have been keeping her in a quiet environment. It was important for the baby that her mother wasn't stressed too much before the birth. I was failing at doing this.

"Hi! What can I do to help you?" the young woman behind the reception desk asked, sounding bored.

"I'm having my baby. Doctor Anderson told us to come and see her." The receptionist scrambled to her desk to rummage through papers. It's amazing how being in labor could speed up things. She handed me a stack of papers and a pen before calling a nurse to take Bella to a more appropriate room. I followed like a puppy. She still wasn't looking at me. This was ridiculous.

"I'm going to ask you to change, sweetie. Do you have a gown, or do you need me to find you one?" Bella deigned looking in my direction. Well, glaring would be more accurate. Was it my fault if we had forgotten her bag? Was it something I should have thought of when we left Sam's place? Was it one of the things I was in charge of? I'm sure it was. Shit. I was such a failure of a husband. I couldn't make my wife happy in one of the most important moments of her life.

"I need one. I don't have anything with me." If looks could kill, I was certain I would be dead. I mumbled another apology and left the room to finally call Seth. He was delighted to be able to help his sister a little bit. I think he was also curious about the birth and wanted to tag along to be one of the first to meet his nephew or his niece.

Wow. I had a hard time processing that, in a few hours, hopefully, we would know if we had been expecting a boy or a girl. I had never doubted my personal opinion even if I would love the child no matter its sex. It would simply hurt my pride to lose our bet. I wasn't a big fan of Shakespeare.

Happy to have done something good by calling Seth, I went back inside the building. With some luck, Bella would have calmed down. I was determined to not screw up anymore. I had done so many stupid things in less than one hour that it was enough for the night. And if she was still pissed, I would do everything to get her to forgive me and to make her stay at the hospital as bearable as I could. Her anger couldn't last forever, right? Once the baby was born, she would realize it wasn't necessary to be angry at me.

In her room, Bella had changed and was sitting on the bed, her feet dangling from the edge. The nurse was asking her all sorts of questions to fill out the papers I'd left behind. Papers _I _should have filled out. I was hopeless.

"I called your brother. He's on his way with your stuff." I figured calling Seth 'her brother' would earn me a smile. It was like a peace offering. I never called Seth like this. I couldn't stand it. Bella did smile, which was a small victory for me.

"Thanks, Jake." She answered a few more questions about her contractions, what kind of pain she was feeling, when she was due exactly. She kept looking at the clock at the same time, and I remembered that I had to time the contractions, except I couldn't remember how much time had passed since the one in the car. I should probably stop trying to help around here. It was never going to work. How did other men manage to do it? I couldn't seem to get my shit together.

Eventually, the doctor came to greet us. She looked sleepy, but she smiled very big when she spotted Bella.

"The little one is early on the schedule, isn't it?" she asked, preparing the material she needed. She made Bella lie down, which was something she had difficulty doing by herself. I was glad to be helpful for once. I didn't let go of her hand when she was safely on her back. I wasn't going anywhere anymore. I was staying right where I was, next to my wife.

"How long between contractions?"

"I don't really know. Maybe ten or twelve minutes. Jake?" _Don't ask me. I don't know._

"Yes. Something like that. More like twelve, I think. I forgot to time them. I'm sorry." The doctor looked up, noticed my worried face, and smiled sweetly again.

"It's okay. It's not necessary to time them all anyway. Just remember to pay attention to a few of them to see if things are progressing. How long do they last approximately?"

"Less than a minute. It's rather short even if it feels like forever each time. It hurts a lot." The doctor nodded before diving between Bella's legs to do her little probing or whatever the hell it was that docs did down there. Bella squirmed a bit, tightening her hold on my hand.

"All right, Bella. Everything seems normal. You're still in the early phase of labor. Your contractions haven't become really painful and much closer from each other," she explained in simple terms as I frowned. I was sure that I had read something about this somewhere, but it was hard to remember all the details. "I'm keeping you here just in case. Your cervix is already dilated because of your accident in the fall. It may make things quicker, so I want you around to be able to monitor everything. You can climb down from the bed. If you walk, you're likely to speed things up as well."

The doctor got rid of her gloves, wrote a couple of things down in a file, and excused herself just before Bella gasped in pain again. I wasn't going to fail this time. I grabbed both of her hands and sat next to her on the bed, which sank beneath my weight.

"Remember how great we were in those yoga classes? Let's do just the same. Breathe, Bells. Don't push. Breathe. Look at me and breathe." When it passed, she leaned her head against my shoulder, panting.

"I don't want this to go on for hours, Jake. I'm never going to make it through."

"I'm so sorry, honey. For everything. I wanted to help and I didn't think before taking out my phone." I sneaked my arm around her waist, warming the skin of her lower back, trying to ease the pain as best as I could.

"Don't do it again. That's all I'm asking for. Not with me or the kid in the car. Or even when you're alone. Don't do it, that's all." I kissed the top of her head. Her hair was starting to stick to her forehead. She was sweating. Maybe I could find her something to drink to cool her down.

"I promise. But I meant well."

"I know. I think I'm going to walk around for a few minutes. It may make my water break. I can't think about spending the entire night enduring these contractions."

It took everything I had in me not to laugh at her face. It would be hell for me if I made fun of her. Even though she was aware labor could last longer if it was your first child, she didn't seem to enjoy the experience. I didn't think anyone could, actually.

I grabbed her arm, and we started to walk around the room. We were going rather slowly, but it didn't matter. It looked like I was forgiven for my mistake. We talked a lot, just the two of us. Bella wasn't looking forward to the pain; I wasn't looking forward to seeing her in pain. We were both looking forward to the baby and to finding out who was right. It was actually funny that this bet had lasted for so long. If we ever had another child, I didn't think I could keep it a surprise. I would want to know.

Bella was so thirsty she gulped down two bottles of water, which resulted in a series of trips to the bathroom. We went through another couple of contractions together. It took us some time to get things under control, but we were making a pretty good team when you looked at it. It made me more confident. I would have almost forgotten about Seth and the bag if it hadn't been for the knock on the open door signaling his arrival.

"It's the delivery guy! Or your savior. Look at it the way you want."

"Thank you, Seth. I felt like a moron forgetting about it." I let go of Bella's arm to go get the big blue bag. She would be happy to have her things with her. She actually shoved us out of the room, so she could change into one of her own gowns.

"How's it going?" Seth asked, clearly excited.

"The doctor said we could be here for a long time. It's going to be a long night. Bella's kinda grumpy about the pain. She can't wait to get her painkillers."

"Do you want me to stick around? I don't know if I could really help, though. I can keep you guys company."

"Thanks, but I don't think it would help Bella to be surrounded by people. You can go home. You'll be the first I call if you want." This seemed to please him. I remember him being a bit disappointed when we had announced Embry would be the baby's godfather. Seth had expected the role to be his. He would be the baby's uncle. It was only fair to share some responsibilities with others.

He cracked the door open again just to say bye and good luck to Bella before hurrying toward the exit, mentioning something about Angela waiting in the car. When I came back into the room, Bella was wearing the white gown she'd fussed about so much in the store a couple of months ago. She looked a little bit more relaxed.

"I'm thirsty, Jake. I'm in the mood for some soda."

"Sure thing, honey. I'll go get you some at the vending machine."

"Nope, I'm coming with you. I don't want you to be at my beck and call. It's not fair." She smiled big, grabbing my hand while her other was resting on her belly. The way she walked was funny, even though I didn't laugh in front of her. I couldn't forget she was in pain most of the time. This time, she didn't stop me when I circled her waist with my arm to support her weight. She wasn't mad anymore. If things could hurry up so she wouldn't have any more mood swings, it would be great.

* * *

I was sprawled in the little chair next to Bella's bed, which wasn't very comfortable. Bella had wanted to watch TV after our trip down the hall. Her contractions were still hurting her a lot even if we had gotten better at handling them. I mean, she wasn't panicking every time she got one, which enabled her to breathe more correctly. And I was being as supportive as I could. The doctor had come back once to see how Bella was doing. Apart from that, the hospital was boring, and it was starting to get on her nerves.

"It's been more than one hour. One hour! And nothing but those stupid contractions," she complained, resting her hands on her hips, shifting her weight from one foot to another. She couldn't stand sitting down. She was constantly walking around, standing next to the bed rearranging the contents of her bag or watching the TV screen absentmindedly.

I was tired. I knew better than to fall asleep, though. The clock on the wall indicated that it was past midnight. It had been a long day at work plus I never intended to stay up so late. Complaining was out of the question for me. She was the only one allowed to, and she was using this right quite a lot.

"I can't believe you made me come to the hospital this early. I could be at home right now, in my own bedroom."

"It doesn't mean you could sleep, Bells. I don't think you're able to sleep through these contractions." She glared at me.

"I don't care. At least I could, I don't know, cook or something. I could keep myself busy. There's nothing to do in here except wait. Kim knew what she was doing when she said women waited before checking in to give birth."

"You heard the doctor. You're safer here. I feel better knowing you're close to nurses if something goes wrong."

"Don't say things like that. It's scaring me. Nothing is going to go wrong, right?" I found it amazing how fast her emotions could change. There wasn't any anger in her eyes anymore. It was replaced by fear. It was my fault. Shit. I was an idiot. I had to comfort her, not scare her. She started to chew on her lip, and I stood up to go to her.

"Of course, nothing's gonna go wrong, honey. I'm sorry I said that. It's just that I want you to have the best. If you're here already, I don't have to worry about you giving birth in the car. You understand?" I stepped closer to hug her. She welcomed my embrace, snuggling as close to me as possible. Her little hands were clasped together behind my back, and her head rested on my chest. I rubbed her arms until I felt her nodding.

"I'm sorry you're bored. I wish I could accelerate the process or whatever. It's so exciting to realize the baby's gonna arrive today."

"Today means 24 hours, Jake. I sure hope he'll be here before the afternoon." It wasn't hard to miss the smile in her voice. I chuckled as well. If she made fun of it herself, I guess it was safe to do the same. We hadn't had a moment of quiet since we got into the hospital. We had been concentrating on dealing with the contractions, or we had been arguing, or she had been complaining about the fact that she was tired, that she always had to go to the bathroom. It was nice to be close to each other without talking, even if it wasn't going to last long.

What happened next came without warning. I was sure it didn't even hurt her. She couldn't have seen it coming. We had been silent for a couple of minutes when Bella gasped, and I felt warm water invade my shoes. Perfect. It was too hard to keep the laughter inside this time. She looked up at me, backing away to inspect the damage before smiling, trying to keep the laughter inside.

"I think my water broke," she managed to say. She was clutching her belly with both hands. I didn't know if she was in pain or not. She looked like it as she didn't seem to be able to breathe. Or she was just making great fun of me, and I had nothing to worry about. I wanted to be angry that my shoes were ruined. Instead, a smile stretched on my face in response to hers.

"I'm positive your water broke. It's in my socks." I lifted one foot from the floor, put it back down, and heard a faint "splash" noise. Could you be barefoot in a hospital? "I'll go get the doctor for you. You should probably change into something dry. See? It was a great idea to pack two gowns. I wonder who suggested it."

Bella stuck her tongue out at me as I winked. I was worried it meant that she would be in more pain soon. I had no idea if the fact that her water breaking meant stronger contractions or not. It seemed like some pretty big progress in her labor, though. I wanted the doctor to see her at once. And I wanted to find new shoes, too.

* * *

One hour later, Bella was still very much in pain from the contractions. They seemed to have picked up pace, but it wasn't enough yet. She couldn't even get her painkillers yet. I would never understand how medicine worked. Weren't doctors supposed to give you whatever would make you feel better? They said she couldn't really walk anymore if they gave her epidural, so they wanted to wait until she was close to pushing.

Bella didn't think the same. She wanted to stop hurting. The contractions were starting to last longer, which wasn't to her liking. Don't get me wrong. When she could talk, she was ecstatic about everything she was going through, especially the fact that the baby was so much closer to us now. I had asked her if she wanted to call her father to let him know what was going on. It was almost two in the morning. It was almost certain he wouldn't mind being woken up by such good news, but it was better to wake him up to announce to him that he was a grandfather rather than to tell him he would become one soon. Charlie was a lucky guy, and he could sleep, blissfully unaware of our situation.

"Which onesie do you think he should wear first? I like the yellow one with the clouds." Bella had put all the baby clothes she had packed on the bed once again, so she could choose the best outfit. It was only the fourth time tonight. It was a bit surreal to me to realize the few clothes we had bought beforehand would finally be used. We didn't want to buys lots of them since we didn't know the baby's sex. And we had stuck with neutral colors. They were bright, but they were either green, yellow, white or red. I liked the white one with the purple stripes better.

"Sure. Why not? It goes well with the hat you set aside earlier." I wasn't in the mood to contradict her. I was sipping on my coffee every time I got the chance to. Bella understood perfectly that I was feeling tired. She was tired from the pain as well.

"Okay. It'll be the yellow one, then. Help me put all of this back in the bag, will you?" I got up from my chair to go next to her. It was a good thing she asked for my help. If I hadn't made it on time, I didn't think she would have remained standing when the next contraction hit her. We more or less knew when they were going to hit by now, but a few of them were still unpredictable.

"Oh my God!" Bella exclaimed, her legs buckling under her as she grabbed the bed with both hands. My arm grabbed her by the hip to keep her upright. Her body shook as she gasped for air, trying to breathe. It felt like forever before she was able to relax in my arms. She looked up at me, pain written all over her face, locks of her hair sticking to her forehead. "This one hurt like hell."

"Was it different from before?"

"Definitely. Can you help me sit down? I'm not sure I could stand up without you holding me."

Once she was safe on the bed, I hurried out of the room to go find a nurse. If it was different, it meant someone had to come to see if everything was still going all right. I hated leaving Bella alone even if it was only for a minute. Who knew what could happen during my absence?

It wasn't difficult to find the doctor. Apparently, she was essentially sticking around for Bella as it was the middle of the night, and she didn't have any other patient staying at the hospital. You've got to love living in such a small town where people had time for you and had known you before you came to visit them in their office. Besides, I liked Bella's doctor. She always did all she could to reassure us.

Before we were even back in the room assigned to us, I heard Bella whimper in pain. Luckily, she wasn't alone; there was a nurse by her side, telling her to breathe over and over again. The doctor got ready for her exam almost quicker than it took me to get to the other side of the bed to hold Bella's hand.

"It hurts so much more now. Ugh. I can't…"

"Breathe, Bella. You've been doing great so far. I'm going to see how things have progressed, and I think you can have your epidural now." She opened her eyes as if to thank the doctor before her head fell back on her pillow. She was grabbing my hand so hard her nails were starting to dig into my skin, something I hadn't known she would ever be able to do. My skin was hard, and it was pretty difficult to hurt me. I guessed the pain she was feeling was the only thing that could make her hurt me physically. I didn't say anything.

After a rapid inspection down between Bella's legs, it was decided that even though she wasn't ready to start pushing yet, she could get her medication. This relieved me. Finally, she would be free from some pain.

"Are you sure I can't push right now? Because I really feel like I could."

"You're only dilated to eight centimeters. It's too early to push. Remember to breathe. The contractions will be more bearable with the anesthetics."

"But is it normal that they hurt so much?" It may have been a stupid question to ask, as I was perfectly aware that delivering a child was bound to bring pain. Bella seemed to have been experiencing strong contractions from the start, though. The doctor turned her head to me, smiling.

"It's different for every woman. It doesn't look like there's something going wrong with the baby or your wife, so yes, it's normal. You don't have to worry about it." She was about to add something else when Bella grasped my hand even stronger, her face crunching in pain. Where was this damn nurse with the painkillers? Dammit.

"Breathe, Bella. Tell yourself it's the last one you'll feel so strongly. After that, you'll be getting your medication, and it'll all be okay."

"Don't tell me it'll be okay. You're not the one who has to go through this!" I didn't understand how she could still talk at the same time as she panted heavily. She sounded pissed. I guessed it helped.

"It'll be better soon. I promise."

"How can you know? Ouch, dammit!" She panted a couple more times, not forgetting that she was trying to argue with me. "It's your fault I have to endure these contractions! Your fault! So don't make promises you can't keep."

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"Sure, sure. Be sorry. You're not touching me again after tonight. There's no way I'm going through this much pain another time. You hear me?"

"Just breathe, Bells."

The doctor chuckled at her words. Really, it was the only thing left to do. I amazed myself by not laughing and by keeping a straight face. Bella didn't know what she was saying anymore. Her fingernails were digging into my hand hard enough to draw blood. It healed instantly. Her face was turning red because she was fighting with herself to not give in and push.

Bella calmed down after her contraction passed. She was breathing heavily again, her little hand not letting go of mine. This one had lasted for almost one entire minute, which I assumed was a very long time. She was resolutely not looking in my direction. It wasn't a big surprise since it was only the fifth time she got mad at me in the last few hours. I wasn't really doing anything wrong, though. I was being as supportive as I could. I let her cut off the blood circulation to my hand, let her yell at me without arguing back.

She relaxed when the nurse came back with the guy who was going to give her the medicine she was desperate for. After that, the pain from the contractions lessened quite a bit. Bella said it felt like she was numb from the waist down even if she could still wriggle her feet. She did it several times, enjoying her silliness. It didn't even matter that she never apologized for shouting at me for getting her pregnant. I would have forgiven her anything anyway.

Now that she couldn't get up from the bed, Bella was attached to a sort of machine that monitored what was happening in her belly. I trusted the doctor on all she said. It looked like the baby was in the good position to be born, and it wouldn't be long before she actually got here. I was sitting on the bed next to Bella, her hand still in mine, my other arm draped over her shoulders, holding her close, soothing her back, and distracting her by telling her stories about work. I wasn't tired anymore. It felt like the baby could appear at any time, which was enough to wake me up.

"I'm thirsty again, Jake," Bella whispered against my chest. She'd been rubbing her big belly for the past five minutes. She said the baby wasn't kicking because it was too close to her birth. By the way she mentioned it, it was obvious she missed the feeling. She couldn't wait to hold the baby in her arms, but she also liked it when she could feel her from the inside.

The nurse who had been in the room gladly got her a new glass of water. I found it weird that Bella could be sweating as much as she did while her entire body was shivering. I didn't want her to be sick now, especially if the anesthetics were the cause of the shivers. I was reassured once again by the old woman who had accompanied us to the room after we checked in. She assured me it was a very normal thing. But I was conflicted. Even if I wanted to keep Bella warm by being close to her, I didn't want to make her sweat even more.

"Hey, Jake. We never talked about middle names."

"I thought about it. But I didn't want to impose anything. What do you have in mind?"

She sipped on her water, looking deep in thought.

"Tell me your idea first."

"Well… If it's a girl, I thought it pretty obvious that it could be Sarah, but… I don't know. It'll be like I chose both names for her, and I don't want you to feel like you didn't get to choose." I would be so proud to give my mother's names to my own daughter. It would be my way to keep her alive a little. It always made my heart ache to know my parents would never meet my child. I felt like crying every single time I thought about it. But I wasn't going to feel sad. It wasn't the moment.

"I like Sarah. It's a very pretty name. Lizzy Sarah. That'd be very nice, Jake. We can keep it… if it's a girl. Since it's going to be a boy, did you think of something for our son?"

She hissed a little, which wasn't related to our conversation. The epidural must not be very strong if she could still feel a faint shot of pain during the contractions. Never mind. She didn't look too annoyed by it. We could actually carry on a conversation without her gasping for breath.

Next thing I knew, she breathed deeply and smiled big. She was talking about our son (or our daughter). We were _so _close. She knew the outcome was worth all the pain in the world. And of course I'd thought of a middle name for a boy. How could I not?

"Sure I did, honey. I was thinking of…"

"Bella!" the doctor cut me off, coming into the room once again. It had been an hour since she'd gotten her medication. Her contractions were getting closer and closer, not even three minutes apart. Without the epidural, I didn't think she could have made it through. "Let's see if you're ready now, shall we?"

The exam didn't take very long this time either. The doctor re-emerged from between her legs, her trademark sweet smile on her face. She gave a couple of orders to the nurse who assisted her. I straightened unconsciously, anticipating what was going to happen. I heard Bella hold her breath, her hand tightening around mine.

"It's time, Bella. I hope you're ready."

"Yes…?" I knew this was the part she dreaded the most. She was afraid she wouldn't have enough strength to push the baby out. She had spent nights practicing the moves we had learned in class. My Bella was a good student.

"It's going to be okay, Bells. You're the best; you know that. And I love you." I lifted her chin to bring her lips to mine, not caring that we had an audience. My wife was going to live the most important minutes in her life very soon. It was natural to give her some sort of encouragement. It was the only thing I could do anyway. I might as well do it the proper way. "I love you. I'm right here with you."

She nodded, apprehension in her eyes. Within seconds, the nurse had her ready. I felt better knowing Bella couldn't really feel the pain that delivering a baby usually brought. It must be a real nightmare to give birth the old-fashioned way. If she ever wanted to try it, I didn't think I would be able to watch her do it. My heart broke a little each time she was hurting, even if it was from banging her toes on a table. Her screams would be impossible to bear.

Bella was rather silent as the doctor encouraged her to push with all her might. She was concentrating hard, her eyebrows coming together and her free hand clutching the white sheet she was lying on. She only grunted from time to time.

"You're doing very good, Bella. Keep doing that. Push again. On three. One, two, three… Push." Another grunt. Her head collapsed back on the pillow.

"I can't push more. I can't do it. I…" Tears were in her eyes. They may have been tears of exhaustion or simply of desperation and disappointment. I couldn't have it. She was doing great; she had to see it.

"Don't say that, honey. You're doing amazing. I couldn't do it. Think that it's our baby trying to be born. Think of the baby. Think that with each push, your baby is getting closer to us. You're great, honey." I kissed the top of her head, wiping the sweat off her forehead.

Bella sighed, breathed deeply, and pushed again.

"Yes, like that, Bella. It's good. Push. Push." I kept glancing at the clock, like I wanted to know the exact time when our baby was going to meet us. It was only a matter of minutes by now. It felt like I was dreaming, like it couldn't be happening.

"Hey! Look at that! I can see its head, Bella!" the doctor exclaimed, looking up at us. "You're so close to the end. Just one more push. Push one more time. Yes, just like that. Great, Bella. Again. Push."

And the most incredible thing in the world happened a second after Bella grunted in pain for the thousand time. A loud cry rang out, like a wailing, and my heart skipped several beats. _Oh my God_. I gripped Bella's shoulders, forcing myself to stay where I was. The wailing didn't stop, not even when Bella gasped, and the tiniest head I'd ever seen appeared in the doctor's hand, followed by the smallest body. My vision blurred, and I didn't care that I was supposed to be a big, strong man who never cried. That was my child she was holding in her arms. A tiny baby who had been in my wife's belly for nine months. A tiny baby who was born at 3:03 a.m. exactly. A…

"It's a boy, Bella. Look at him! Here."

The doctor stood up, holding the little baby close to her chest. She wrapped a big blanket around him. _Him_. I couldn't bring myself to care that I had lost. How could I? This was just fantastic. I could feel myself tremble with excitement. Bella's breathing was erratic as well. Her eyes were blurry with tears as she welcomed the baby in her arms, holding him close to her, right on her chest.

"Hi, baby. Oh, my God. Hi!" She hiccuped a couple of times. I couldn't get my eyes off of her and of our son. He was so tiny. So perfect. So still wailing, his arms imprisoned by the blanket keeping him warm. "Hi, Shawn. Look. It's your daddy."

I brought a trembling finger up to touch the skin of his head, afraid that I would hurt him if I pressed too hard. Bella's arms were clutching him like she feared someone would take him away from her.

"Hey, Shawn." I didn't manage to say more. His skin was smooth, the smoothest thing I'd ever touched. He barely had any hair. He was perfect. Bella looked up at me, a few tears sliding from her eyes down her cheeks. She smiled, carefully snuggling closer to me. If there were other people in the room, they had been forgotten. And then…

"I win," Bella stated. And she winked.

* * *

Awwwwwwwwww. I know.

Reviews? :D


	42. Chapter 40

Thank you for all the wonderful reviews I got for the last chapter! They were all so awesome, even the anon ones I can't reply to, and I'm sorry for that.

Thank you to my beta, **WolfGirlatHeart**. You rock.

And now, here's the next chapter. Enjoy :)

* * *

**Chapter 40. The First Day of the Rest of Our Life.**

_**Bella's PoV**_

_**Friday, 10****th**** of April. **_

It felt wonderful to have Shawn nestled on my chest as I tried to breastfeed him. He seemed to have a hard time doing so. The nurse had said it was normal, that I should just help him, and he'll get better at it. I couldn't express how great it was to finally be able to hold him in my arms. I was so scared when labor started. I had always known it would be difficult, but it took me completely by surprise.

I was lucky it wasn't long. The doctor had warned us that because it was my first child, there was a possibility for labor to last a very long time. The contractions had been painful from the very start so I was grateful it hadn't lasted forever. But now that I could literally look at our son and feel his little body against mine, it was all worth it. All the pain I had just been through felt like nothing. I was aware I had yelled at Jacob quite a lot, though. I couldn't help it. I'd had to apologize later.

What I would remember for the rest of my life was the moment the doctor showed us Shawn. He was so tiny -a little baby crying his lungs out. It brought tears to my eyes at once. It was a pretty big thing to realize that after nine months of carrying him inside of me, of feeling him kick, of worrying about him, he was finally here. He had only a few hair on top of his head. He had the tiniest hands ever and his fingers were so small. He weighed nothing in my arms. His skin was so smooth. Of course, he was wrapped tightly in a warm blanket, and he had on a hat from the hospital. I would change his clothes in a couple of hours.

Shawn was only three hours old, but I already loved him with all my heart. Given Jacob's teary eyes, he felt the same. Right after Shawn's birth, we got to cuddle the three of us for a couple of minutes, before the nurses took him away to clean him up. Jacob's fingers were trembling as he tried to touch his son. I knew he was afraid he would hurt him. Jacob was a really big guy, and the baby looked even tinier next to him. It was worrying me that Shawn kept crying, but I was quickly reassured that it was totally normal. After he was cleaned and back in my arms, he seemed to calm down. He didn't manage to eat at once. He didn't seem able to keep his mouth on my breast.

Jacob shifted in his chair, bringing me back from my thoughts. I wanted to remember every single minute of our stay at the hospital. I wanted to remember the look on Shawn's face when he slept, when he tried to eat, when he wriggled. I wanted to remember the relaxed look on Jacob's face as he was passed out next to me. He had had an exhausting day followed by a more exhausting night. I couldn't blame him for needing to get some sleep. As far as I was concerned, I couldn't have been able to sleep even if I had wanted to. This was way too exciting.

"Come on, Shawn. Look. Here it is. Just catch it and eat. It's lovely milk Mommy kept especially for you."

It felt wonderful to talk to him. He couldn't understand a thing, but it made me so happy. I was really a mom. It was still as scary as it had been during my pregnancy, except that now, it was for real. It wasn't just wondering what it would be like to have a baby.

Another awesome thing that had happened that night was me winning the bet. We had been expecting a son, and we were going to go see a Shakespearean play. Jacob may have been wounded in his pride, but he didn't mind the result. How could he anyway? Our child had been born, he was perfectly healthy, and he was beautiful. Shawn was beautiful. I loved the way he pursed his little lips while trying to eat. I loved his skin color. I had always imagined that our child would be darker than me, but lighter than Jacob. In fact, he looked almost as dark as his father. Genetics were a mystery. His skin was pretty. I had no doubt his hair would also be as dark as his dad's. I would have a mini-Jacob running around. If he turned out to eat as much as my husband, it may become a problem. But I didn't want to think of Shawn as a big kid. He was only the tiny baby who was yawning against my skin.

"You're not hungry then? All right. We'll try again later, okay?"

I brought him up to my level so I could kiss the soft skin of his cheek. His face was very little, and my lips covered the whole expanse of skin there. During the three hours of his short life, Shawn hadn't made it to his bed. We couldn't put him down. There was something about Jacob holding the baby that got to me, and melted my heart. He was afraid he would crush Shawn's body by applying too much pressure, but he had done remarkably well. He knew he couldn't hurt his son in any way. He cared about him too much for this.

"Look at your Daddy. He's sleeping. Look. He's so pretty when he's sleeping. But you're prettier, baby. Oh yes, you're prettier. Look at your small hands. They're so nice. Mommy loves you."

I was already cooing over Shawn. He yawned another time, cried out once softly, then seemed to go back to sleep. I couldn't help but smile. Everything he did made me smile, actually. I muffled a yawn myself, snuggling him closer to my chest.

It was important to keep him warm. I had read many books about how to take care of a newborn since I was rather scared by my capacities to do so. I knew what I had to do by heart. The funny thing was, now that Shawn was really here with me, I didn't need the books to act. It was instinctive. It seemed I shouldn't have doubted my maternal abilities. I should have listened to Jacob all along.

I gazed at my baby's features for a long time. I would have no problem drawing a mental picture of his face. Jacob had already taken some pictures as he had set his mind on recording every single moment of the life of our son. He was worse than my mother. We were going to have dozens of albums filled with baby pictures in a few months and I was looking forward to organizing them all.

A problem started to appear when I had the urge to go to the bathroom, and to actually get up from the bed I had been lying on ever since I got my medication for the pain. But I couldn't get up if I was holding the baby in my arms. It was too dangerous, and I wasn't going to chance it. I had to wake up Jacob, without waking up the baby. This was going to be tricky.

"Jake? Hey, Jake. Wake up! Jake! I'm hurting!" I whispered a little louder. This did the trick. He sat up straighter in his chair. He was always afraid something might happen to me, that even if he was sleeping, the sound of my voice could wake him up if he thought I was in danger. Whether it was because of the connection we shared via the imprint, or simply because he was attuned to me, I didn't know. I didn't mind. As long as he could wake up by the sound of my voice, I was fine.

"What's wrong?"

"My bladder's hurting. I've got to go to the bathroom."

His face fell as I smiled big at him.

"Can you take Shawn for a second?"

"Sure. For more than a second if you want. Did he eat?"

"No, he didn't. And now he's asleep again. The nurse said he might not want to eat right away, but I'll feel better when he does."

"Yeah, me too. Okay. Come here, little guy. We're gonna stay together while Mommy does her little business over there."

It took us a whole minute to secure Shawn in his arms. We were still new at holding a baby, and we didn't want to make a mistake. It was all about supporting his little head, not crushing his little limbs. He didn't wake up as Jacob cradled him in his big arms. It was crazy to see that his hand was as big as half of Shawn's body. He sat back down, giving me the opportunity to go to the bathroom.

When I came back, Jacob was so engrossed in whispering to Shawn he didn't realize I was in the room. It was the sweetest thing to hear him talk about nothing, bonding with our son.

"And Mommy painted the most wonderful drawings in your room. You'll see later today. It has elephants, and monkeys, and a giraffe. You're going to love it. And Daddy built you a nice little bed just for you, with lots of teddies from your uncles and aunts. Everybody's going to love you, Shawn. You're going to be as good-looking as your dad, right? You'll be getting all the girls with my looks. Just you wait."

"Well, I hope we'll get to wait a long time before he invites any girl home."

Jacob turned around to smile at me. I wanted to keep my baby for myself for as long as I could. I didn't want to worry about the girlfriends he could have when he'd be a teenager. In my mind, he would always stay little. He wouldn't turn into a teenager. Never.

"What do you mean a long time? That he has to wait until he's sixteen?"

"No. Until he's twenty-five. At least. He's not allowed to love any girl but me until then."

"Right." He snorted, looking amused. I walked toward my two guys, folding my arms around Jacob's neck, gazing down at the sleeping baby. I liked thinking of them as "my guys." I could picture me calling out for "Boys!" out of the kitchen window when it'd be time for dinner, and they'd be busy trying to fix whatever car Jacob had brought home. It felt like we had our whole life ahead of us, a life which sounded promising.

"Isn't he perfect, our little Shawn?"

"Of course he's perfect. Do you know who his parents are? They're the best in the world. They were bound to make an awesome kid."

"Be serious, Jake." I slapped his shoulder playfully, following the movements of Shawn's tiny eyes as they moved behind his eyelids. Did babies who were only a few hours old dream?

"I _am_ serious, Bells. Look at him: he _is_ perfect. He has your nose, and I think he's going to have your mouth, too. You see how his lips are? Exactly like yours."

"I love the color of his skin. I was afraid he would be as pale as me. That would have sucked for him."

"I like your skin. There's nothing wrong with it," Jacob stated, turning his head to the side to kiss my cheek. Shawn stirred a little. "He makes the cutest noises... when he's not crying."

Jacob cradled the baby in his arms even more when he started to wriggle inside the blanket. I didn't like the blanket the nurse had given us at the start, so I had changed it as soon as I had the chance. I had bought a very fluffy one just for when he'd be born. We decided to finally put him in the 'bed' right next to mine. He would be more comfortable in it. Besides, he would wake up soon anyway.

I sat down on Jacob's lap, both of us watching our son sleep, his head turned in our direction, and his lips puckering. I muffled a yawn. I was getting tired. All the energy I had used through the night were finally showing. Jacob put his arms around my waist as I let my head fall on his shoulder.

"How are you feeling, honey?"

"Ecstatic. Tired. On cloud nine." He laughed, then sighed happily. I had noticed the bags under my eyes when I was in the bathroom. It looked like I hadn't slept in days. "I can't believe he's really here. It seems like we've been waiting for him forever, but now, we're not waiting anymore."

"You did wonderful. You were so great tonight."

"Thanks. I knew it was going to be hard, but seriously, it was worse than anything I expected. I'm not looking forward to being in this kind of pain anytime soon. Oh, and I'm sorry I yelled at you all the time. That was wrong of me."

"Don't worry about it. You're totally forgiven."

I raised my head to reach his lips. He deserved a big kiss for staying by my side all night, comforting me when I thought I couldn't go on with labor. It had been hard, but I was grateful he had stayed until the very end, or the very beginning, depending on the way you looked at it. We cuddled for a long time while I tried to keep my eyes open. Next thing I knew, I woke up in bed to a baby's loud cries, and to Jacob desperately trying to calm Shawn down. It didn't sound like it was working.

"Maybe he's hungry now. Give him to me."

And indeed, this time, when I tried to breastfeed him, he attacked my breast right away. It felt so good to see that he wanted to eat at last. It was a weird sensation, but I was going to get used to it. Jacob just gazed at us adoringly. Or maybe he was staring at my exposed breasts. It was something he was capable of doing. My Jacob was like that. If he could still find me attractive with big breasts full of milk, and a stomach that would never be flat again, I could only love him more.

"I'm going to step outside a sec to call work, okay? And I'll call Seth and your father, too, if you want."

"Sure. Don't forget to call Renée or she'll get pissed."

"I'll be right back." He bent down to kiss the top of my head, then bent farther down to give a kiss to the hungry baby in my arms.

* * *

Once he had gotten the hand on eating, it seemed that Shawn grew quite fond of it. I had been right when I said he was going to be exactly like his dad. Shawn had been waking up every single hour to get some milk all morning. I was now having lunch, which made me realize I had burned so many calories I was actually starving. I wasn't a big fan of hospital meals, but this one would do for now.

The doctor had come back to check on the both of us to see if everything was all right. I was doing okay, the baby was doing okay. She was pleased to see how greedy he was. His height and weight were normal. She said we would be able to go back home later in the day. I was a bit anxious about leaving the safe hospital, where there were nurses to help me care for my baby. The nice one who had been with me throughout the night had been very kind to us. She had given us lots of good advice. But it was usual for new moms to be nervous, right?

Jacob had left us alone to drive back to the house to get me a change of clothes and also to put the baby seat in the car. The nursery had been ready for days. It was waiting for the baby to sleep in it, for me to feed him in the cute rocking chair we had found in that shop in Port Angeles. Our life at home was going to change a lot, but even if I was nervous, I knew it was going to be wonderful. In the end, everything was going to turn out okay for the three of us.

"Look who I found in the parking lot!" Jacob exclaimed, trying to keep his voice down. He popped his head in the room, soon followed by my father. He seemed hesitant, but once his eyes landed on the bundle in my arms, a big smile lit up his face.

"Hi, Dad. Well, don't stay over there! Come meet your grandson!" Jacob laughed at my enthusiasm, and pushed Charlie forward. He awkwardly walked to my bed, as I covered my chest. Shawn protested, but he would get more food later. I held him up higher in my arms so our guest could get a better look at the new addition to our family.

"He's so tiny. Were you this tiny when you were born?"

"Of course she was, Charlie. All babies are tiny, and this one is actually above average. Hi, Bella." Sue reached our side, the sweetest smile on her face, her hand resting comfortably on her husband's shoulder. "He's such a cutie! Look at his face. He looks exactly like you."

"Jacob thinks the same. Except for the hair. You can't see it, but I think he'll have his father's hair. Do you want to hold him, Dad?"

"Oh, I don't know. He looks like he's upset about something." Shawn was wriggling a little in my arms. It was like he was about to cry, but just small sounds were coming out of his mouth. I rocked him lightly, shushing him until he calmed down again. There were more talking and noises than what he had been used to. It was bound to annoy him. Jacob wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"Don't be shy, Charlie. He's not going to bite you! He doesn't have any teeth yet." A laugh escaped me. It was nice to see that after this roller coaster of events, Jacob hadn't lost his sense of humor at all. My father glared at him, but he was fighting with himself not to laugh, too. He redirected his attention to the baby, finally deciding that yes, he would like to hold Shawn for a while.

It made me teary to see him with the baby. I was aware my hormones weren't going to leave me in peace for quite a while. If it only made me shed tears of joy and happiness, it was okay. Charlie had the same reaction as me when I first held Shawn. He cradled him next to him as much as he could, afraid to let him fall down. Shawn didn't mind being in the arms of someone new. It was funny how he automatically turned his head toward his grandfather's chest, probably trying to get more to eat. Of course, Jacob didn't waste time taking pictures of all of us together.

Sue got to hold the baby after Charlie. It was obvious she was delighted to be a 'grandmother'. Although they weren't related, there was no doubt in my mind that she was Shawn's grandmother. For a second, I thought she was going to cry when he yawned, nuzzling her arm with his head.

"Does this fine boy have a name yet?" Sue asked after she handed him back to me. He was fast asleep again by then. The way his little chest heaved up and down with each breath he took was wonderful.

"Yes. Yes, he has. Shawn Billy Black." Somewhere next to me, Jacob gasped in surprise. We hadn't had the time to talk about it, but there was no hesitation about it. It was the way it was supposed to be. Besides, I had the feeling Jacob would have suggested his dad's name anyway.

"That's a really great name. Hey, Shawn," Sue said, waving her hand. Jacob was back by my side to give me a hug, careful not to squeeze too hard. I heard a faint 'I love you.' We didn't have the time to share any private moments because Seth barged into the room, dressed as if to go to work, but excited to be ditching his duties.

"So! Where's the little guy?" Seth still had to work on keeping his voice down. The second he stopped talking, Shawn started crying. He was clearly upset at the intrusion. Jacob glared at Seth, letting his mother deal with him. It took us a whole fifteen minutes to get our son to calm down. I had to stand up, and to walk around the room, whispering to him, rocking him, soothing his back. They all stepped outside in the hallway to give me some space. Jacob was pissed at his friend, which was understandable. I got it that he was excited to be an uncle, but it didn't mean he had to act like an idiot. He was perfectly aware you had use a soft voice around babies, and that shouting was bound to have consequences. He had been around Emily and Kim's children before. I was sure Sue was giving him a crash course on how to behave now.

"I'm sure your Uncle Seth is sorry for upsetting you, Shawn. It's okay, you know. You don't have to be scared by him. He'll get better soon. I promise."

When he was quiet again, I kissed his little head a couple of times, trying to convey all the love I felt for him, to show him I would always be here for him if he needed me. His screams had been so loud I knew for sure I would hear him no matter what whenever he would wake up at night.

Seth came back into the room, wearing the most sheepish look on his face. He apologized, talking in such a low voice it was even difficult to hear what he was saying. After that, he earned the right to hold his nephew for a while. He was very careful with him. Seeing him with Shawn had the same effect as seeing Jacob with his son. Seth was huge, and his uniform made him look bigger, if that was possible. Shawn was lost in his arms. He didn't seem to have a problem with this. He was a bit upset, and couldn't stay still, though. He was back in his father's arms soon, where he seemed to settle down better.

Sue couldn't help telling Jacob that his parents would have been so proud of him. Of course, she meant it as a compliment, as something to show him he was doing well, but it made him teary all over again. He wasn't going to cry in front of my father, which would have been okay since he had the excuse that he had barely slept last night, and that he was beyond exhausted. Jacob recovered quickly by thanking her and focusing on the baby. The baby made him happy, happier than he had been for the last couple of months. I knew one of the first things Jacob would do later in the week would be to bring a picture of Shawn to his parents' grave. I wouldn't be able to come with him since I didn't want Shawn to leave the safety of our house so early in his little life. I was positive that having to take care of our son, that having someone to look after all day long would help him in his grieving.

He was sad right now, which was understandable. My entire family would get to meet Shawn, everybody except the two people who meant the world to Jacob. My dad was here, and my mother had decided to hop in a plane the second Jacob called her. She would be here early tomorrow morning. She decided to stay at a hotel this time, which was going to be better for all of us. I didn't know why, but I didn't want anyone else other than me or Jacob to care for our son at home. I was sure Renée would provide some good advice, yet I wanted these special moments to be ours only. I wanted to create a bubble for the three of us, at least for a few days.

I didn't know whether Jacob had called his sisters or not yet. Rebecca had said when she came back in January that she may not be able to visit us right away. She was living in the middle of the ocean, so I knew her brother wouldn't be mad at her for that. She must have planned on visiting during the summer. A vacation for her entire family sounded like a plan, as long as I didn't have to fit everyone into my house. Rachel had to come see her nephew, or Jacob would never forgive her. He was already mad enough that she barely came to La Push anymore. He couldn't understand what was going through her head sometimes. Surely, Paul and she would come down for the baby, right? I didn't have any blood siblings, but if I had, I would have wanted them to meet Shawn as soon as possible. I sure hoped Rachel was going to come. I didn't want to argue with her on the phone.

Charlie, Sue and Seth stayed with us for an hour, marveling at every single move Shawn made. Seth left after my father reminded him that he was supposed to be working at the moment. He had said nothing because it was obvious that a birth was an event big enough for you to ditch work for a couple of hours, but not for too long. He was still the Chief of Police, and he was still in charge of the officers, dammit. Charlie and Sue reluctantly left after that, promising that they would visit later when we would be back on the reservation.

Jacob was fascinated by the baby sucking on my breasts. He couldn't keep his eyes off Shawn's tiny lips. He thought it was awesome. At least he wasn't grossed out by it. He may have actually been a little jealous that I got to share this with our child, and all he could do was watch. It seemed unfair that I had already shared so much with Shawn, and Jacob had only been able to hold him close, and talk to him. It was a lot, but he was clearly looking forward to being more involved. This might change when he'd have to get up in the middle of the night to calm the baby down.

He did a great job at looking after Shawn during the afternoon, when I tried to sleep a bit. I was suddenly feeling very tired, which was totally normal, according to the doctor. She even said we were good to go after I woke up more rested. I knew the following night would be hectic. I would have wanted for the baby to stay in the hospital longer, but he was eating, and doing all sorts of newborn things which led the doctor to give us the okay.

Shawn was small, sure, but as I was dressing him in the cute yellow onesie I had chosen the day before, I realized Sue had been right. He was bigger than the average. I would have to keep that in mind when we'd go shopping for more clothes. I snuggled him in a warm blanket, afraid he would get cold once we would be out of the building. It was April, but it didn't mean the weather was your typical spring one. Aprils in Forks were rainy, and cold.

Leaving the hospital felt like turning a new page of our life.

* * *

_***Monday, 13****th**** of April. **_

It was really quiet in the nursery. The blinds were shut, and there was almost no light inside the room except for a small night light. It was difficult to look away from Shawn when he was sleeping so peacefully. I was aware that now that he was asleep, I could actually get some rest myself. I should go to bed anytime I had the chance to. Last night had been hell. He had been crying for hours, and we couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. He didn't want to eat, but anyway, he was screaming so loudly he wouldn't have been able to concentrate on eating. Holding him in our arms wasn't enough. Rocking him only increased his screams. I was afraid he was going to choke on his sobs. The doctor had warned us he may get sick, which happened to many newborns. Drinking milk was new for them, and their tummies may not enjoy the change of food. Unfortunately, there was nothing we could do for him. Shawn was too little to get any medication.

All that was left was rub his little stomach in the hope that it would help him calm down. I had no idea if it was successful, and if it led him to fall asleep, or if he was simply exhausted from crying. I didn't like knowing he was hurting. I felt bad. I decided to call the doctor later in the day to ask her if there wasn't a syrup or something I could use. I had heard of some plants and herbs which could be useful, but I didn't want to use anything without asking a professional first, though.

Shawn's little hand left the comforting warmth of his fluffy blanket, his fingers curling and uncurling as he slept. I had to smile. I tucked him back in, soothing his head, before stepping out of the room. The dog was waiting for me in the hallway. Beta had been clearly excited when we came back from the hospital on Friday night. She was so excited that Jacob had to lock her outside while we were putting the baby in the nursery. She knew something was different in the house. Since she was going to have to live with a baby now, we had introduced Shawn to her for a few minutes yesterday. I didn't know if she understood who he was, but at least she was aware of the new member of the family.

Jacob was sprawled on our bed, waiting for me to join him. He looked as tired as I was, even if he was smiling. I hadn't changed out of my pajamas; I hadn't even taken a shower since yesterday morning. I didn't care. All I cared about was getting some rest.

"I think he'll be down for at least an hour." Jacob sighed as I lay down next to him, snuggling in his arms.

"One hour of sleep? Wow. That's a luxury!"

He kissed the top of my head, his hands roaming my back, bringing me closer to him. It was good to be able to cuddle like that, now that my belly was getting back to the way it was before. We didn't talk a lot. Instead, we fell asleep pretty fast.

I woke up to some small noises that could be heard through the baby monitor. Shawn wasn't crying, but he was definitely awake. One look at the clock told me it was still early in the morning. Well, early if you hadn't slept a lot. It was ten o'clock. I managed to free myself from Jacob's arms which were curled tightly around my body.

Shawn was just fussing around this time. He ate for about five minutes and then let me rock him. I liked my rocking chair. It was so nice it almost lulled me back to sleep. The baby didn't feel like sleeping too quickly. He would open his eyes for a second, stare at me, and then close them again. I didn't know if he could see clearly yet, but it was great to be able to look into his blue eyes. I'd been told all newborns had blue eyes after their birth, and that their color would change later on. I was wondering whether he would get mine. Jacob always said he loved my eyes.

I stayed in the rocking chair for a long time after Shawn went back to sleep. He didn't seem to be hurting anymore. My mother had said she would come around one last time tonight before going back to California. She really couldn't afford to take more days or her boss would fire her. She wouldn't have minded if it meant that she could spend time with her grandson. I minded. I didn't want to be responsible for her unemployment. She could come up again during the summer. Reluctantly, I put Shawn back in his crib to go heat up some food. I was starving, and Jacob would be too, when he woke up. Besides, I had to clean up a little.

The house was very quiet. We usually had the TV on all the time when Jacob was home. He didn't like the quiet if it lasted for too long. The dog was sulking in her basket. Since I was breastfeeding, I had to be careful about what I ate and drank. The list was on the fridge, and the cupboards and the freezer were filled to the brink with food my parents had bought us as I hadn't wanted to leave Shawn to go grocery shopping.

Once my stomach was full again, I went back to bed with Jacob who was still fast asleep. I woke up later to an empty bed, and to voices coming from the living room. I didn't try to tame my hair or anything to go greet whoever was here. I had a good excuse to look scary. I was sleep-deprived.

"Hey, honey," Jacob greeted me, putting his arm around my waist as I reached his side. He was smiling big, talking with Embry and Beth. "I didn't want to wake you up. They just came around to meet the little guy."

"Are we waking you up? I told you it wasn't a good time to visit, Em!"

"It's all right, don't worry. He's probably going to want to eat soon anyway. Do you want something to drink?" I couldn't help but smile at the way Beth talked to Embry. Their relationship looked promising now and she looked happier than she had been in months. Embry was good for her.

"No, we're fine, thanks. We went to the store yesterday, and we got you a small thing for the baby. We thought we'd come around."

Embry handed me the gift bag which revealed yet another onesie, but this one said "I look better than my Dad." Jacob scowled, punched his friend in the shoulder, and eventually thanked him. Embry was Shawn's godfather after all, so it was only normal that he already started spoiling him. They shouldn't have gotten us anything. I busied myself looking at the tag explaining how to wash the garment to hide my tears. Stupid hormones.

"Thank you, guys. That's awesome. The poor baby doesn't have any men's clothes yet. This is his first. I'm sure he'll love it. Do you want to see him now?"

"Can we? Isn't he sleeping?"

"He'll be sleeping through it if you stay quiet. Come on."

Embry looked more excited than Beth. She had made it clear before that she wasn't a big fan of babies, that she couldn't imagine herself with one. This may change over the years, but for now, she didn't really find babies beautiful. She wasn't going to be left behind, though, so she tagged along.

"He's tiny," she stated after one look at the crib. Embry pulled her closer to his side, gazing at the baby with adoration. It was the cutest thing to realize all these big, muscular guys had a very soft spot of babies. It was a weakness they didn't seem to care about.

"He looks just like you, Bella, but with Jake's skin. That's weird. That's like a compromise between the two of you."

"It was kind of the deal, you know. When you make a kid, he's supposed to look like both his mother and his father." Jacob rolled his eyes at his friend, before gently picking up Shawn, who protested a little at being taken away from the warmth of his bed. His father's arms were just as hot, and he settled back into sleep. "Look there, Shawn. That's your godfather. I didn't vote for him, just so you know."

"Tssst. Liar, Jake. I wanted to ask Seth. He's the one who asked for you instead. And it's actually better, as long as you don't teach him any swear words. Got it?"

"Welcome aboard, man. I'm not allowed to swear in the house anymore."

"I think I can do this. It shouldn't be too hard. Hey, Shawn. Nice to meet you."

"Does it mean I'm not allowed to swear either?" Beth asked, turning her back to her boyfriend who was busy holding his godson very tightly. Jacob wouldn't leave him, and kept telling him how he should hold our son.

"If you could try whenever you're in the same room as Shawn, I'd like it, Beth."

"Okay, but only because it's for you. Congratulations on the little monster, Bella." I laughed, accepting her hug. It felt nice to know my cousin was going to stick around in La Push. Now, with her and Angela, I had more friends around, more friends with whom I could talk freely. I was going to enjoy this.

"Don't you think he's a cute baby, Beth?"

"I don't think babies are cute, Em. He's really tiny, and he can barely open his eyes. And he only open his mouth to eat or cry. It's not very interesting."

"Oh, come on. How can you not like him? He's making the cutest noise by smacking his lips. Look at that. He makes me want to have my own." Okay. Usually, women had this reaction when they saw newborns. I had never seen guys react like this. What was up with Embry? Was it the imprint that made him want to have babies, and to express his desire? It hadn't been the case for Jacob. We had talked about kids, sure, but he hadn't been so insistent about them. It may have been because he didn't fully imprint before last December. Beth made a face at Embry's comment.

"Excuse me? Talk about having kids in the near future, and I'm _so_ not sleeping with you again!"

"Okay... I think we're going to let Shawn sleep in peace." Jacob sounded amused as he took care of tucking the baby boy back in the crib. It was a very Beth thing to do to reveal such private information in public. Jacob would have known about it the next time they would have phased together, and he would have told me, but hearing about this new development of their relationship was interesting. Beth had avoided him for months, then she had barely tolerated him, and in the space of three weeks, things had sped up faster than ever. If they were happy this way, it was the only thing that mattered.

* * *

The rest of the afternoon had gone by as usual. Shawn had woken up right after our friends left. The three of us were able to catch up on some sleep after that. Well, I did. Jacob had to go to the garage to ask for a few more days off. He didn't want to be away from us, and I would feel better if I wasn't the only one around to take care of the baby. I knew Sue would come whenever I needed help, but it definitely wasn't the same.

I was woken up by his hand shaking my arm. Apparently, Shawn was fussing around again, and he didn't know what to do to calm him down. The only option left was that he was hungry again. Jacob couldn't do anything about that. I found myself sitting in the rocking chair for what felt like the tenth time today.

"I think it's amazing how you can feed him like this. Are you sure you don't want me to take a picture?"

"Positive. I don't want you sharing pictures of my boobs, thank you very much. They're for my guys only. Nobody else is allowed to see them."

"I'm okay with that." He stretched his legs in front of him. He was on the floor, by my feet, gazing up at the two of us, taking him as much as he could. "I'm off of work until next week. The boss says he hopes you're doing okay, and that I should just take care of you, and don't worry about the garage."

"Nice."

We remained silent after that. There was nothing to add when you had a baby making tiny noises while eating. Every second spent with him was precious. If I could, I would have slept in the nursery with him. I didn't want to take my eyes off of him. Eventually, he burped a little, making his father snort.

Jacob wrapped his arms around my waist, bending down so his head would rest on my shoulder after we put Shawn to bed. My mother would be here soon, so I had to get moving to cook dinner. It just didn't feel right to leave the room.

"I can't believe we made someone this great," Jacob whispered, his hot breath fanning over my cheek. I sighed with happiness.

"He's going to be the greatest baby ever."

"You know, Bells, I'm just so happy right now that I feel like nothing can get to me. It feel like no matter what happens, everything is gonna be all right because I have you, and now, we have_ him_."

"I love you, Jake." He squeezed me harder, and gave me a quick kiss.

"I love you, too. Come on, now. Let him sleep and I'll help you with dinner."

This was a good thing. It was time for him to cook more. He had to learn more recipes. There would be times when he would be alone with our child. Feeding Shawn pizzas and burgers on a regular basis was out of the question. Now, Jacob had a good reason to be an attentive listener in the kitchen.

I closed the nursery door without making any noise, the baby monitor I carried everywhere safe in my hand while the other one was clasped in Jacob's. I could imagine us doing the same thing every night for the few next months, or even years. It would be a new routine, one where we would put our child to bed together, read him a story, maybe sing a lullaby, and then we would get some alone time just the two of us, me and my husband. I was looking forward to all of it. I was looking forward to the rest of our life.

* * *

There, you have it. This is the last chapter of this fic. I know you would all like to see it go on forever but I have to stop at one point. I always said this fic would stop with the baby's birth. The baby's born so I'm staying true to my word. There will be an **epilogue** posted in a few weeks, though. So stay tuned for it!

I've got an entry in the Just a Kiss Contest. It's a Paul/Angela fic, which is a completely new pairing for me, a pairing I don't see often in the fandom actually. How about you go read it and review to tell me if I did a good job or not? ;) http :/ / www (.) fanfiction (.) net /s/ 7106243 /1/bWanna_b_bBet_b

Reviews? :D


	43. Epilogue

Thanks to **WolfGirlatHeart** for beta'ing this. Thank you all for the reviews even if I wish I could reply to all. It's frustrating when someone asks a question but the review is anon and you know perfectly well I can't reply to you.

Enjoy. :)

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**Epilogue. Five Years, Six Months, Eighteen Days Later.**

_**Bella's PoV. **_

_**October 31****st****, 2018.**_

I had forgotten how quiet it could be in the house when I was by myself. It was a very rare thing for me to be alone these days. With a kid running all over the place, and a husband who was more than happy to chase after him, it was a wonder the living room wasn't a complete wreck. But I loved them both so much. It didn't mean that I wasn't enjoying my alone time. Work was definitely too tiring for me now, and I wanted nothing more but to do nothing all day long. So, I gladly accepted the idea that Jacob would go by himself with Shawn to get candies.

Anyway, after an hour of being able to lie on the couch and work on the next novel without any interruption, it started to be _too_ quiet for me. Out of habit, I glanced at the fireplace. This is where the dog used to lie down to sleep, right next to the fire, except the dog wasn't around anymore. One year had passed, and I still missed Beta like I had lost a member of my family. She never left the house or the front yard. In the four years that we lived in La Push, she never did. Not once. Of course, a car had to hit her the exact minute she decided she was bored at home, and wanted to explore.

Shawn had always had the dog around. It was hard explaining to a four-year old that his "friend" wasn't going to be around anymore. The poor baby had cried himself to sleep after many attempts to explain that Beta had gone to a happier place where she could play with lots of other dogs. Needless to say, I had broken down in Jacob's arms later that night. She may have been just a dog, but I had loved her _so_ much. It was such a stupid way to go, such bad luck. Now, we had Fish and Frog, the two goldfish, instead. Shawn had chosen them himself at the store. At first he had wanted a cat, but his father had vetoed the idea at once. Shawn didn't have to know that the two fish currently swimming in front of me weren't the original ones. Fish were easier to replace than a big dog.

I sighed, tearing my eyes away from the empty spot in the room. One of these days I was going to talk Jacob into getting a new dog. Beta had had a good and happy life. It wasn't fair that she wasn't around anymore, but I was positive another dog would do us good. Besides, a fish was definitely too silent.

The dog may have been Shawn's first reason to be really sad, yet, he had had plenty of occasions to be an extremely lively toddler. He may be little, but he was already showing a great interest for mechanics. His father never missed a chance to bring home some scrap metal or whatever, so they could both work on fixing this new machine. Shawn would then spend the following dinner explaining to me what he had learned, his words coming out too fast, his sentences a little awkward. He would try to use words which were familiar to Jacob, but which were, let's face it, impossible for a kid so young to pronounce. I loved our dinners. I laughed a lot, and I smiled every time our son was so enthusiastic. He sure was more interested in cars than in books.

La Push didn't have a preschool, and we had talked quite a lot about the education Shawn would get. There was no doubt in my mind that he would go to school on the reservation. We lived here, and Jacob was the Chief, after all. Just because I was white couldn't rule the boy out. We hadn't wanted to put him in Forks for a couple of years to yank him away from his friends later. So Shawn spent the first years of his life with Leah and Mark at Emily's. She simply loved having kids around. Apparently, the boys were quite a handful, and I picked up Shawn dressed in some of Jason's old clothes more than once. He loved playing outside and he loved playing in the mud. Go figure.

It was hard for me to let him go to kindergarten. He was so young and he looked so fragile. I wanted him to stay somewhere safe as long as he could. If it had only been up to me, I would have quit my job to stay at home with him. I would be the one picking him up in the afternoon instead of Claire. I would have spent every day with my baby. But I didn't. One salary wasn't enough for the three of us at the time. Things had changed since the last time I considered stopping teaching. I was actually looking forward to spending more time at home soon. I needed it.

The blank page on the laptop screen was screaming back at me to write something. The first sentence of a new chapter was the hardest to write. I wasn't going to have any luck tonight. It didn't matter. My editor was a nice girl who understood I wasn't a professional writer, no matter how many books I sold. After I managed to finish my first novel in the months following Shawn's birth, I would have never believed my stuff would become popular. Sure, my books weren't bestsellers, but I sold enough of the first one to be asked to write a sequel. It was fun to do, especially as the story was taking place on Quileute land. Without revealing any major secrets, I took pleasure in writing about Native Americans a couple of centuries ago. Jacob was proud of me, proud of how his people looked on paper.

The money it brought us didn't make us millionaires, but it certainly was a plus. It was enough to give us the funds to add another room to the house. I was looking forward to the result, even if they were still working on it, and it looked like something exploded at the end of my hallway. I wasn't positive I would be able to help with the decoration this time. What I did know was that I would make a very good supervisor.

One loud tap on the front door made me jump in surprise. I stood up from the couch to grab the bowl of candies. Kids were pretty voracious at Halloween, and I had to be sneaky to keep Jacob from eating everything. My legs were stiff from sitting for so long, and my back was killing me. These were the secondary effects I hadn't missed _at all,_ those and the swollen ankles. All of it was forgotten when I opened the door, though.

"Give me candies or I bite you!"

"Oh my God! I'm scared! What are you?"

"I'm a wer... a wewe... I'm a wero..." Jacob knelt down to be at Shawn's level, whispering something in his ear. I tried to keep a serious (and very frightened) face as I waited for him to be able to say the word. He was so cute; I just wanted to pick him up in my arms and give him a big hug. "I'm a wolf!"

"You're a real wolf? You're really scary! Just take the candies and don't eat me!"

"Thank you, Mommy." He was too adorable. I had to play along with him until the end.

"Mommy? Did the wolf eat Shawn? Did you eat Shawn? Oh no! That's horrible! Jake. We have to open his belly to save Shawn."

"Oh yeah? Let's get a knife, honey. I'm not letting him escape." Jacob grabbed Shawn by the waist, lifting him up effortlessly in the air. The little boy went into an incredible fit of laughter as his dad tickled him. I would never get tired of the smile lighting up Jacob's face every time our son was around. He looked like the happiest man on Earth.

"Daddy! Stop it! It's me! Stop it!" Another round of giggling drowned the rest.

"Do you hear this, Bells? I think Shawn is still alive."

"Yes, definitely. And given his screams, he must be somewhere... Oh, look at this! It was only a mask! The wolf didn't eat Shawn!"

Jacob sighed dramatically in relief, taking Shawn's wolf mask off to display his little red face. He had laughed so much he seemed out of breath. His father gave him a big kiss on the cheek, and put him back on his own two feet after I did the same. They had only been gone for a couple of hours, but it was too much already. I liked spending any available minute with our son. Every minute was precious.

"I'm not a true wolf, Mommy! Daddy says only big boys become true wolves!"

"Oh yes?"

"Yes! In the story he said big people are wolfs."

"Wolves, Shawn. _Wolves_." Jacob beat me at correcting Shawn's pronunciation. It was usually my job. He knew I was going to get mad, and he wanted to please me any way he could. I could get mad pretty easily these days, which wasn't a surprise. I hadn't objected to him telling our son the Quileute legends. It was part of his heritage, part of his culture. He had to know. He was still a bit too young, though. Jacob tried to keep the stories to the basics, making them sound like they were fairy tales where the good guys always won. Good guys who could occasionally morph into giant wolves.

Jacob avoided my glare. I didn't know what to make out of the idea that our son was looking forward to see if he could be like the people in the stories. Of course he was young, and he wanted to play. I bet that being able to change into a wild animal sounded cool to him. As long as his father made sure they didn't become more than bedtime stories, I was okay.

"Hey, Shawn. Why don't you go inside to show your mom all the candies you got tonight?" Once the boy was out of sight after sprinting into the house, Jacob wrapped his arm around my waist, dropping a kiss on my forehead. "It's Halloween. I thought he might want something mildly scary. He didn't have any nightmares, did he?"

"No, he didn't. I'm just scared, I guess. I don't want him to believe the stories are actually true."

"He won't, I promise. He'll never have to. I..."

"Mommy! Come see the candies!" I sighed happily at the loud intrusion. For such a small child, Shawn could yell at the top of his lungs when we were ignoring him and whatever treasure he had found. Jacob kissed me on the lips quickly, our little moment not lasting very long.

Shawn was standing on a chair, looking pleased with himself. The content of his bag had been dumped on the table, and it had to be the biggest heap of candies ever.

"Daddy says you can have all the pink ones. I want to sort them all! I like the green better." His smile was infectious. No matter how tired I was, I wouldn't have missed one moment of his life, especially not when he seemed to be having so much fun. The only tricky thing that happened during the night was to prevent Shawn from eating too much sugar. It was already late, and a couple of candies could make him last until midnight. Tomorrow was a big day as well. I needed my sleep.

After half an hour, we were facing several piles of different colors. Shawn looked happy with them. But he had been yawning a lot since we made him sit on the chair. He was fighting with himself to stay awake. Halloween only happened once a year; he wanted to make it last as long as he could.

Shawn almost fell asleep in Jacob's arms when he carried him back to his bedroom. The room hadn't changed a lot since he was a baby. He had always liked the animals painted on the walls. He would make up stories with them all the time. It had helped him practice speaking. He had a great imagination. It was amazing all that could come out of a child's mind.

"So you had fun with Daddy tonight, didn't you?" I tucked him in his little bed, pulling the Cars blanket all the way up to his chin. Shawn nodded, a big yawn stopping him from replying. He could barely keep his eyes open.

"Claire said my wolf was scary. She said it's the best costume ever."

"I bet she did. You looked really scary to me." I smoothed the hair falling on his forehead. Claire was biased since she had helped with the kids' costumes. She was the best babysitter the girls and I could ask for. I was counting on her for helping me with Shawn when I would be out of school in a few months. I honestly couldn't wait to be able to relax, and not worry about lesson plans or papers to grade.

"Leah was a princess. It's not scary. I'm better."

"Yes, you are. You're the best, sweetie. Mommy loves you very, very much." I kissed his cheek, feeling him drifting away. Shawn usually didn't have trouble falling asleep. As soon as the high of the excitement was gone, he was out in a matter of minutes. He was a heavy sleeper, too. We were lucky.

I switched on the nightlight, left the door cracked open just in case, and was finally able to go find Jacob. I may have been tired, it would always make me sigh with happiness to see my wonderful husband folding his clothes rather than throwing them on the floor. It had taken some taming to achieve such a feat, but I was proud of him. It was amazing how much he helped around the house anyway.

"What are you thinking so hard about, Bells?"

"Just how great you are, that's all."

"I know. I'm gonna get you a glass of water in case, okay?" Six years of marriage, and I still loved him with the same intensity as I always had. Granted, with the imprint, I wasn't sure I could fall out of love with him. If we had to spend the rest of our lives like this, I had nothing to complain about.

I had been wearing my pajamas all night, so I had no need to change. I went to the window to pull the curtains down. There was a full moon outside, the perfect atmosphere for Halloween. I wasn't a big fan of Halloween. I knew what it meant to Jacob. Today had been the first time Shawn had come with us to the graveyard. His father made a point of visiting Sarah's grave on the anniversary of her death. He still looked weak whenever we went, which was totally understandable. Shawn's birth had helped a lot back then. Billy should have been around to meet his grandson, but Jacob really started to accept that life came and went when holding a newborn in his arms.

Shawn had somehow filled a void with his energy. I knew he had helped Jacob move on. It hadn't been a surprise for me when he announced that he was ready to take his father's place as Chief of the tribe. It wasn't an obligation, but he was born to do it. He was doing a good job. I didn't think my books would have been published if he hadn't authorized it. Jacob being the Chief didn't bother me as much as he being a wolf had. It wasn't life-threatening.

There were so many deaths around us, and Halloween was a reminder of them. Fortunately, Shawn's enthusiasm for the holiday had made it okay for us to carry on today. Jacob had focused entirely on him, taking his mind off his parents for a while. Shawn was the best thing that could have happened to us.

Looking at the backyard bathed in the moonlight, my eye caught the shadow of the cherry tree. It always made my heart ache to think of the reason why we had put it there. It had been four years, and even though most of the pain had gone away by now, I didn't think I could truly be okay again. Not after losing someone who had been so close and yet, so far from me. Someone I had never met, but someone I had loved so much. I didn't like thinking about it. It wasn't good for me.

"I missed you tonight. This kid only listens to you when it comes to waiting or crossing the road. I don't even understand why. He's a mystery sometimes." I hadn't heard him come back. Jacob wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me close, his chin dropping to rest on my shoulder. I tried to relax. "Are you okay, Bella?"

"Yes. I... I just remembered his due date would have been last week, that's all."

"Honey... It's doing you no good thinking about it. It only makes you sad, and you know I hate it when you're sad." His grip on me tightened, his hands resting on my stomach. I sighed, turning around to hug him some more. He was shirtless; he always slept shirtless. His warmth was comforting. I didn't feel like crying. I stopped crying over our loss a long time ago. There were times which were harder than others.

"I love you, Jake. I love you." I hid my face against his warm muscles, taking all the comfort he would give me. I would have never imagined that we would have to face a child's death. But it was what had happened. And it had all happened so quickly.

Shawn was only a few months old when I got sick that winter. As a matter of fact, almost the entire population of La Push got sick that winter. By that time, I was on the pill again. With all the meds I had to take, it wasn't very safe for us to have sex without any other protection. It turned out a condom wasn't enough. It was a big shock for the both of us when I realized I was pregnant. I couldn't afford to stop working, not with a child as young as Shawn. One salary wouldn't have been enough to support a family of four. And we didn't have any room left in the house.

Having an abortion was out of the question, though, even if having another baby so soon was bound to bring a ton of problems. I had spent many nights wondering how the hell we were going to make it work. Shawn was an active baby and taking care of him was almost a full-time job. Jacob would do his best to reassure me, but he was as worried as I was. Even if it was wonderful to be pregnant again, I had never intended to do it again this close to my first pregnancy. It had been surreal.

It rained a lot that March. The roads were all slippery well before nightfall. Angela had asked me to go to Port Angeles with her to choose her wedding cake. She and Seth were getting married in June. I was excited for her, and I wanted to have a great time with her. We never expected the car behind us to lose control while we were waiting at a red light. We also never expected the car coming from the right to be going way too fast in that weather, either.

I came out of the accident with a couple of broken ribs, and a miscarriage. I hadn't even known I was pregnant for more than a month, but it was already gone. It was violent. It was a bigger shock than the pregnancy in itself. This baby should have been born. It was unfair. Jacob felt helpless for the next few months. I didn't feel like talking about what had happened. Only thinking about it made me cry. We hadn't really wanted this baby, but we would have loved it no matter what.

From the moment I got back home from the hospital, I could only focus on Shawn more. My baby was going to be one year old soon, and I could have lost him. I could have lost everyone in the accident. I could have died, too, liked the little one inside of me. I took a leave from work. I spent my days taking care of Shawn. I wouldn't let him out of my sight. I was okay when I was with him. Jacob was sad to see me sad the rest of the time. Even if he claimed he was sad as well, he was aware he couldn't feel like I did. He hadn't lost someone who had been inside of him. I had.

Since he couldn't do anything but hold me close at night, and whisper that he would always be there to comfort me, he bought me the cherry tree we put in the backyard. It was my little reminder of the baby who could have been. It was a beautiful tree. I loved how it bloomed in the spring.

With time passing, the ache of the miscarriage went away. It would forever be a part of me, but there was no denying that having Jacob around, silently supporting me, helped. He forced me to go to Seth's wedding because he knew I would regret it for the rest of my life if I missed it. He encouraged me to go back to the high school. He never forced me to go out with him. Slowly, it became easier for me, though. Billy's death hadn't stopped him from living. I couldn't be selfish and condemn him to stay at home every single night. I had to live again.

I was brought back from my thoughts by Jacob sitting down on the bed, and gently lying me down on it. It felt good to be able to cuddle. We usually didn't have to talk to understand each other. This had always been a wonderful thing between the two of us. His hand went to my hair, smoothing it. I sighed, happily this time. He knew exactly what to do to make me feel better. My own fingers went to trace invisible lines on his stomach.

"I'm not feeling sad, you know. I just realized I'd forgotten the due date, and it was weird. It's the first time. You remember about my mini-depression two years ago."

"I hated it. I hated seeing you so miserable and not being able to do anything. It killed me inside." He kissed my temple gently, hugging me closer, one of his legs finding his way between mine. It looked like I was lost in his embrace. It was a very secure feeling.

"You really have to stop thinking you can't do anything to help, Jake. I don't think you're grasping how much you did for me. I wouldn't have been able to survive without you. You know I love you."

I raised my head to reach his lips. Jacob had been the best support I could have asked for. It was in moments like this one that I knew I had made the right choice by marrying him.

"I love you, too. But you did a great job all by yourself, honey. Now that you're getting another chance at a baby, it's all going to be okay."

I nodded. Of course it would. I needed to stop looking back and concentrate on the future. We had wanted this pregnancy. It had been planned. Money wasn't an issue anymore. Trying for a baby was an exciting thing. Anyway, Jacob had never had any problem getting me pregnant. Trying didn't take long.

What came as a surprise was the doctor announcing I was expecting twins. It was something we should have expected because of Jacob's family, but it was still a surprise. Expecting one baby had been a really tiring thing for me with Shawn. I couldn't even begin to imagine what this new experience would bring. It didn't change the fact that we were both ecstatic.

I was due in February, and I already looked like I was more than six months pregnant. My stomach was _so_ big. Jacob loved it, of course. We couldn't know the sexes of the babies because they kept moving when we were with the doctor, and she couldn't get a clear view. Jacob would never change his mind, and he was convinced we were going to have girls. One would be named Lizzy since we were still clinging to the name, and the other would be Marie. He was too cute. He was a great dad to Shawn. This new pregnancy didn't scare him in any way, not even the fact that two newborns would be more difficult to handle than one. Besides, you would think that after having to endure Rachel and Rebecca as a kid, he wouldn't want to inflict that on Shawn. Jacob wanted girls, though, and Jacob had decided he wouldn't stop having kids until we had at least one girl.

"Two kids at once, wow. That's going to be a challenge. It already is actually. I keep having nightmares about you leaving even if I know perfectly it's not going to happen."

"You're having nightmares because you're not sleeping enough. If you keep this up, I'll have to chain you to the bed, Bells. And you know I'd do it."

"As long as you stay in bed with me, I don't care."

"Now, that's not what I'd call resting, honey."

He smirked down at me as I stuck my tongue out. It was getting old that we were warned not to have sex while I was pregnant. I was likely to give birth earlier than my due date, according to the doctor. She had also added that it could be speed things up even more if we had sex. We hardly complained this time, but it didn't stop me from missing it. Jacob's kisses were fantastic; actually anything that he did with his tongue was fantastic, but it wasn't the same. I wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to keep him where he was, his lips on mine. I could feel his smile as he kissed me, his fingers gripping my hip, toying with the hem of my top. It felt like my skin was always cold before he touched me.

I had imagined that when he'd stop phasing, his temperature would go back to normal. It didn't. It was still running a little higher than the average. Besides, my Jacob not being super hot would have been too much of a change for me. I loved him the way he was. I loved him more when he decided to stop phasing last year. Vampires never came to La Push or within the state borders anyway. They probably knew what was awaiting them. Sam and Jared stopped phasing before Shawn was born. Seth wanted to stop after we had our car accident. Angela had stayed at the hospital for a few weeks. He was afraid he would lose her. He wanted to do everything to protect her. Phasing meant he couldn't get hurt. He needed to keep doing so to look after her. Quil was still phasing, waiting for Claire. She was 15 now, and soon, their relationship was bound to change. It was going to be awkward for me to witness.

Embry and Jacob both stopped phasing at the same time as a sort of Christmas present for us, girls. Before we got married, I would have thought he was doing it for me because I was selfish and wanted to keep him for myself. Now, though, I couldn't see what was stopping them from doing it. Saying it was easy would be a lie but at least they could help each other. There had been countless runs at night to ease the tension. There had been arguments about nothing because it was hard to control the anger, until eventually, things got better. Having my husband for myself was a great improvement. Not having to worry about him was a comforting feeling.

If his body temperature had stayed almost the same, it wasn't the case with his body shape. He was lifting heavy weights at work, but it didn't do everything. As I was running my hands on his stomach, it was clear that his muscles weren't as well defined as before. I didn't care. Jacob was still sexy as hell.

"I'm not kidding, Bells. Tomorrow is a big day for the both of us. You need to sleep." I pouted when he pulled away, got up, and extended his hand to help me on my feet again. I was exhausted, sure, but I didn't spend as much time with him as I would have liked today.

"Where are you going by the way? You never told me," I asked once we snuggled under the blankets. I was lying on my side, trying to find a good position. With two kids dancing around inside of my belly, it wasn't an easy task. Jacob laughed, switching off the small light. His hand landed on top of my round stomach.

"I'm not telling you because you'll go tell your cousin, and that's unacceptable."

"Oh, come on! It's not like you're taking him to a strip club! Wait... you're not taking him there, right?" Jacob shifted next to me, until I felt his face appearing closer to mine.

"Hey, it's a bachelor party. What do you expect?"

"Are there going to be naked girls?"

"Are you jealous? Bella, you know I'm not interested in naked girls except if you're the one naked. And Beth knows it's the same for Embry. Taking him to a strip club is only for show, like to respect tradition or something. Nothing bad will happen."

I slapped his exposed chest. He was good at keeping secrets, but if he had to reassure me, he could easily give them away without meaning to. Reassuring your imprint came first. It hadn't taken me long to take advantage of this. I didn't like surprises very much.

"It doesn't mean I have to like the idea of girls rubbing their perfect bodies all over you."

"You _are_ jealous. It's cute. Come here." He gave me a big hug, trying not to laugh at me. He knew I was insecure about my body. I had never really lost the weight from my first pregnancy, and I felt like I was even bigger this time. The fact that young and attractive girls were going to strut in front of Jacob tomorrow night wasn't comforting.

"You have nothing to worry about. He's the last one to get married. Except for Quil, but we'll probably have to wait a long time before he and Claire get married, if they ever do. I wanted something good for Embry's party, that's all. But I don't think we'll stay there very long."

"Yes, I know. I'm just feeling insecure, nothing new here. Blame it on the hormones. You guys will have fun, and anyway, Beth may get some private show, too. You never know."

"Is she?"

"Probably. She said they're going to a night club after dinner. I'm not going. I don't think I would have a lot of fun there. Going out for dinner is already nice."

"I'm feeling like it's going to be great night." Even with the lights out, I could hear the smile in his voice. They didn't have many occasions to go out by themselves. With kids all over the place, jobs, and all, I could understand that they were excited. As a matter of fact, I was excited, too.

I never would have thought that Embry and Beth would come such a long way. They were getting married in two weeks. Why in the middle of the fall, I had no idea. It would be rainy and cold, but Beth actually loved the weather here in La Push. She had loved her life up here as soon as she moved in with Embry and Quil. Our friend had made her so much happier than I had ever seen her. She never went back to journalism, though. She found a job in a café in Forks, and now, she was working to open her own.

Getting married was an obvious step for the two of them. Shortly after she arrived, Quil decided he should probably find another place to live. Apparently, hearing his roommates having sex wasn't how he wanted to spend his nights. I could understand him. Living with Embry had changed her so much that I think the idea of having kids wasn't as repulsive to her as it was before. It was exciting to know my cousin was getting married. It was like coming full circle. She had met Embry at my wedding, even if she thought he was a psychopath at the time.

I snuggled into Jacob's arms, my head resting against his chest, close to his heart. This was how I liked to spend my nights. Nothing complicated. Some talk about whatever was on our minds, and cuddling. Feeling the babies kick, trying not to laugh too hard so we wouldn't wake up Shawn sleeping across the hallway.

Our life was far from perfect, and when we woke up in the morning, we would have problems to deal with. I was going to quit my job soon, and I wasn't going to return afterwards. With three kids, including two newborns, being a mom was definitely going to be enough of a job. I may earn money through my books, but it didn't equal my salary at the high school. Life was going to be tough for the five of us. I was positive we would figure things out, as always. It didn't mean I would stop worrying about it. That was what I did: worry. And Jacob would reassure me. It was how we worked. We were a good team.

Yes, Jacob and I were a good team. And I was confident we would stay like this for a very long time. As long as he was next to me, hugging me close, and snoring lightly in my hair as he was sleeping, I knew we would get through difficulties the best that we could.

"I love you, Jake," I whispered, kissing his chest before closing my eyes. This was the safest place for me to fall asleep. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

* * *

There you have it. It's the end. If you review just to ask for a sequel, please, don't. There will be no sequel, no matter how much you may want it. I've spent two years of my life wiriting _Dealing with the Kangaroo_. It's been fantastic. I've met wonderful people through this fic. But all the good things have to end one day.

I need to thank my two and a half betas for this fic. First there was **faite-comme-moi**, who beta'd almost all the chapters, and **WolfGirlatHeart** who beta'd the last ones. And** jkane180** who beta'd one chapter once. And of course, I want to thank all of you for reading this long story, for liking it, for reviewing it.

If you haven't already, don't forget to read **July** and **Mischiefs**, two outtakes that I wrote for the Kangaroo.

**Dealing with the Kangaroo** had been nom'ed for two Awards in the Hopeless Romantic Awards, if you want to check it out: http : / / hopelessromanticawards (.) blogspot (.) com /

I don't know if I'll write another WIP in the future but I will definitely be writing one-shots. So just in case, keep me on Alert :)


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